Princess Peach Toadstool was startled by her aging manservant. “My lady, there is a Princess Pear requesting to see you.”
“Pear?” Peach’s delicate blonde eyebrows furrowed. She hadn’t heard of a ‘Princess Pear’ before.
“According to the young lady, it is urgent.”
With the delicate grace that only a princess in a huge hoopskirt could have, Peach made her way to the entrance hall. She waved and smiled at the two green-clad figures waiting for her. The girl of the two was obviously, with her familiar dress style and gold tiara, Princess Pear.
A young man, slightly older seeming than the princess, stood to her side, looking both distraught and nervous. He wore a furry jacket, not quite covering the full-length of his torso.
“I am pleased to present Princess Pear and her brother, Prince Lime of the Sub-Artic Kingdom,” Toadsworth announced.
“I’m sure that I’m going to be the most pleased of this entire meeting.” Pear’s voice was not as pleasantly-or unpleasantly, depending on who you speak to- high as many had come to expect of fruit-named princesses. “You see, Princess Peach… I’m kidnapping you.”
“I dare say!” Toadsworth had no time to react, the red-headed princess knocking him out quickly.
Lime continued to wring his hands even as Pear grabbed the more delicate royal female by the wrist. “HELP! HELP!” The usual screams issued forth.
“Help you? Someone
help me,” the older brother with the citrus name responded in irritation,
following his sister out of the oddly otherwise silent castle.
Peach’s arrival was greeted by three other princesses, each bearing a fruit name. The oldest of the three, a middle-aged and rather large princess sporting a beehive of orange-yellow curls, introduced herself as Princess Pineapple and insisted on naming the other girls and their captors.
“This,” she pointed to a young girl with large dark eyes and soft, short brown hair, “is Princess Kiwi. Poor child doesn’t speak the language. Can’t understand more than two or three words from her. She’s taken quite a liking to the rather fetching local prince, though. Calls him ‘Lime-Papa’. Frankly, that boy has it worse than us. The dictator is his sister and the tyrant is soon to be his wife.”
Peach ignored her as she continued on. She was more interested in the other princess. Unlike Pineapple, Kiwi, or even Pear, the girl clad in orange- and Peach automatically assumed she was Princess Orange- did not wear a crown or a fashionable dress. Nor was her outfit entirely orange. There was no heavy jewelry, no well manicured nails or perfect make-up. Princess Orange was… well, boyish. Her orange-red hair was fastened back into a messy ponytail, her outfit a pair of orange pants and a light yellow top.
“Oh, don’t mind Orange,” Pineapple gushed. “She’s a bit of a drag, what with not caring about her appearance and all. She’s gotten into a few fights with Princess Lemon, though.”
“Princess Lemon?” Peach finally turned to look at the woman addressing her.
“Mm-yes. Princess Pear is our captor, but it’s really Lemon that refuses us the necessities. No blankets or furs. She won’t even let me have a mirror.” At this point she fussed over the mass of curls passing for a hair-do. “I can’t tell if my hair is properly pinned or not…”
“So… Why fruit princesses?” Peach distractedly turned her gaze back to Orange who was, at that point, attempting to pry a vent from the wall once again.
“Because I want to prove that I’m the strongest.” Pear’s voice seemed soft, even though she was only three feet away. “I am the best of the princesses. I have never been captured and subsequently I owe no man favors. Especially not any greasy, slimy, nasty plumbers.” She stepped closer, scrutinizing Orange’s attempts. “I admire your resourcefulness, but you wouldn’t last the night. It gets so cold that you would freeze within an hour outside after dark.”
“What good will that do?” Always a lady, Peach refrained from any violent act she had the opportunity to commit.
“I’m going to take your kingdoms afterwards, of course.” She hadn’t taken her gaze off Orange and docilely accepted the fact that with large strides, the tomboy princess was making her way over from the other side of the room, most likely with intent for a fight. “This should prove interesting. ‘Princess Iron-Fist’ isn’t just the amusing title given to me for my style of ruling.”
In the time that
Orange took making her way over, Pear had thrown off her dress to reveal
what could only be described as fatigues and combat boots. She quickly
tied her hair back, throwing the tiara into the pile of discarded dress.
“I don’t need a man to rescue me. I get out of my own situations,” Orange
finally spoke. The brawl that followed was almost instantaneous.
“WHAT?!” The Koopa King’s yell echoed through the entire building. “HOW COULD SOMEONE ELSE KIDNAP <I>MY</I> PRINCESS?!”
“I’m sorry, King Dad!” The blue-haired Koopaling momentarily cowered. “How was I supposed to know a princess was capturing princesses?”
“Because the papers are talking about it! She’s left a string of witnesses!” Bowser angrily held up a newspaper stating that Princess Pineapple, sole air to a tropical kingdom, had been kidnapped by a red-haired princess.”
“Um… King Dad…” Larry tilted his head. “I can’t read that. It’s not in Shroomish… or Koopic,” he pointed out.
Bowser growled. It was his luck to have seven incompetent children. Now Princess Peach had been kidnapped by someone else. It just made him angry enough to flame a whole forest. He finally stood and paced. “There’s only one thing to do. I have to find her and save her from this evil princess.”
“Um… Your Monstrousness… Wouldn’t you be kidnapping her yourself then?”
“Of course not.
I’d return her. I’ve already found out there’s never as much fun in stealing
her from someone else. They’ve already figured out how to get past those
<I>Mario Brothers</I>. I want to do everything myself.” His heavy
footsteps shook the foundation of the room.
“That-a was a great idea, Luigi. We needed a vacation. Where did-a you get the money?” Mario questioned as they walked up the path to the castle.
“The tickets were-a in the mail. Some-a-one sent-a them to us. It-a was a great-a present.” Luigi, who looked like he could babble on for the next thirty minutes, was quickly interrupted by Toadsworth hobbling towards them.
“My dear Mario Brothers! Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped!”
“That-a Koopa!” Mario pushed his sleeves up, instantly ready for Princess-Saving duty.
“But Mario-“ It was too late. Toadsworth and Luigi both looked at the empty spot where Mario had been mere seconds ago. The final notes of the Warp Whistle rang out. “-it was Princess Pear.”
Luigi sighed and pulled his cap down tighter. “That-a was our last Warp Whistle. He’s-a never gonna get there in-a time now.”
“I’d say not. Princess Pear is from Sub-Artic World. Koopa Keep is practically on the other side of the world. Dear boy, it’s up to you.”
Luigi looked to his left, then his right. “Me?” Instantly he began trembling. “I don’t-a do the rescuing by myself. I’m-a the backup plumber.”
“Yes. Mario is out of commission. That only leaves the backup.”
“But I-a usually rescue Mario so he can-a rescue the princess…”
“Just do it, Luigi!”
“All-a-right-a, Koopa! I know-a you have-a the princess! Where-a is she?!” Mario had just set a new record for making his way through Bowser’s forces. It hadn’t been very hard and now he saw why. Most of the Koopa Troop was gathered around their beloved leader receiving instructions. If Mario had stopped to think, this wouldn’t have made sense. Why would he be briefing his troops if they’d already carried out the plan?
“You Fungus-Head! I don’t have the Princess!” Bowser raged. “I’m setting out to <I>rescue</I> her!”
“I’m-a not-a gonna fall for that-a one!”
“I don’t have time to argue with you. Koopa Troop, report to the doomship! Cheatsy, assemble the Koopalings. Tell them to report to their stations.” The Klown Kopter sank heavily as Bowser jumped into, then burst upwards, hovering several feet off the ground.
Larry ran off, obliging his father’s request. The rest of the troops scurried in the opposite direction, presumably towards the ship. Mario balled his gloved hands into fists.
“You’re-a not-a gonna just-a run off, Koopa!”
“I thought I made
it clear. As much as I’d love to be the one behind this Toadstool kidnapping,
I’m not. Now scram!” Without a second notice, Bowser’s Kopter took off,
bursting through the ceiling. Mario simply stood shaking his fist at the
sky.
Pear, having pulled the full-skirted dress back over her combat outfit, set to straightening the skirt. “Learned your lesson? I could take you all on- with one arm tied behind my back even!”
Orange rubbed her cheek, looking rather irritated. It was swelling, just slightly, and a little discolored. Lime opened the gates, rushing through, an icepack in one hand. The first thought that crossed Peach’s mind was that he didn’t have much confidence in his sister. Upon realizing the pack was for Orange, another crossed her mind. This was only backed by the pink flush that came to the boy’s cheeks.
“She’s so lucky,” Pineapple sighed. “Doesn’t care about herself but she snags a hunk.” She paused, as if thinking about this. “What am I saying? Lucky? His fiancé will kill her.”
Malevolent laughter rang through the halls. It was as if the mere mention of her had called down the unholy terror of all Fruit Princesses. Princess Lemon was nothing short of gorgeous. Her hair the color of her namesake, a heavy fur coat in cream clinging to her, she descended the stairs, then entered through the still-open gates. The coat was so long as to hide the underlying dress. Obviously it was not a full-fledged princess gown. It was too slender.
Her face, all but the eyes, was covered by a quickly moving fan. How she could stand it in the bleak cold of this place was beyond any of the three captives. Maybe the coat was <I>very</I> warm.
“Darling, what are you doing with that filth? You know I’m the only woman fit for you to converse with.” Her eyes flicked to Pear. “I only let you speak to my darling because you’re his little sister. Feel grateful.”
As far as Peach was concerned, nothing that the fan could be hiding was worth the personality of this woman. Lime didn’t seem to think so either as he wasn’t inclined to step away from Orange.
“The most handsome prince only deserves the most beautiful princess.” She attempted to ‘float’ over to her unwilling beau.
“Spare me.” Lime
left in a hurry.
Luigi’s knees hadn’t stopped shaking and he’d already made a great deal of progress on the journey. Most of this was due to Yoshi. Said dinosaur was becoming more than irritated over the knocking of Luigi’s knobby knees. He was just about ready to buck Luigi and run off.
Carrying the plumber brothers was humiliating enough. Walking with a fraidy-cat on your back was far worse. The jittering of Luigi’s teeth was ready to throw him over the edge when a sudden sound found its way into the clearing. Yoshi managed to turn his gaze upwards just in time to see the Koopa Kopter zooming past. Minutes later an imposing doomship made itself known. Great. Koopa Troop on the move.
“Yabbo.” Well, that’s what Yoshi muttering sounded like anyways.
“Oh-a no. It’s-a Koopa,” Luigi moaned.
Yoshi, at that point, wished he could give Luigi a piece of his mind. Unfortunately, he was incapable of making sounds Luigi would understand properly. “Yosh.”
“That-a means Bowsa is gonna kidnap the Princess back.”
The green, plumber-deemed
pack-mule let out a heavy sigh. He’d figured this out the minute he’d seen
the Kopter. He wasn’t an idiot after all, just unable to communicate. He
vaguely wondered why Mario and Luigi didn’t let the Koopa Troop do their
dirty work and just wait at Koopa Keep for Bowser’s triumphant return and
snatch the princess back. He then answered his own question: They’re fungus-heads.
Bowser cursed
his luck, almost tempted to shout ‘Fungah!’ but deemed it inappropriate.
This was not some devious kidnapping foiled by plumbers, this was a rescue
mission set back by a Kopter crash! Never mind. The doomship was fine and
still on its way. They’d have Peach back in no time. He’d just have to
continue on foot. Grumbling. The whole way.
<i>Fungah!
Foiled Again!
Mario was not only his usual persistent self, but incredibly brainless, which was also usual. He wasn’t going to accept Bowser not having Toadstool as an answer. This was why he was trailing the Koopa.
There was no sense in trying to tell him the Klown Kopter traveled much faster than he could ever hope to. It was hopeless to spread the wisdom that a doomship travels at five times a normal man’s walking pace and nearly ten times that of Mario.
Worse was the fact that by the time Mario realized Peach was in the clutches of Princess Pear, the Mushroom Kingdom would no longer be the domain of his beloved princess. He could be sitting reading the Daily Fungi, the kingdom newspaper, announcing the crowning of Princess Pear as its new monarch and dictator and be oblivious to the take over in his single-mindedness.
On his own, Mario
was incapable of defeating villains other than Bowser. Brave as he was,
he was simply not smart enough. Between Luigi’s thinking abilities- which
still weren’t all that great- and Mario’s courage, they had made it through
many tough scrapes. There was no way to contact Luigi now, though.
Lemon’s laughter echoed through the hallways again, but far from the captured princesses this time. “That’s preposterous. Any man would be overjoyed at just the possibility of having me as his bride! Your brother is obviously overflowing with emotion and thus flees from my presence to refrain from lavish kissing, which he knows I detest.”
“Lime isn’t any man. He is ‘overflowing with emotion’, though. I think his unending hate was quite clear.” Pear crossed her arms. “You barge in here and claim him as yours, but he’s not. You’re a prisoner as well. You just waltzed in instead of being kidnapped.”
“Oh really? I don’t see myself locked in a room like those fools.”
“The guards are idiots. They couldn’t tell one of my brother’s moods from the other. They mistakenly think he is smitten, just as you have convinced them to believe.”
“I will have him,” Lemon responded, firmly. “He’s the only prince worth looking at on the whole planet. I deserve as much. No third rate little sister bent on owning the world is going to stop me, either.”
Pear’s gaze followed her as she walked into the room she had taken over. The green-clad princess’ eyes flicked to the guards. “Keep her in there. She has no business leaving that room.”
“But your ladyship… Your brother…” the guard began.
“Who do you listen to? Who pays you?”
“You, my lady.”
“Do as I say.”
Ludwig looked over the edge of the doomship and shivered slightly. It was getting cold. Good. They were getting close. He turned and visibly jumped, surprised by his younger brother. Of course. Lemmy <I>would</I> be out enjoying the bitter cold.
“Ve’ve almost arrived,” Ludwig spoke with a heavy Pipe Land accent, something that a few short years attempting mass take over of had left him with. The fact that he spoke with few and far between since then helped it to stay in place.
“I can see that, Kooky.” Oddly enough, he wasn’t on his ball, rather leaning against it.
How the older Koopaling hated the nickname bestowed upon him. “I’ve told you. Call me Ludvig.”
“Dad calls you Kooky.”
“You are not Dad. I only let him call me ‘Kooky’ because he vould <I>do</I> something about my protests.”
“Fine, <I>Ludvig</I>”. The two of them weren’t exactly chummy. Lemmy often cracked jokes at Ludwig’s expense about the odd accent.
“Lemmy.” The older Koopaling bestowed a stern look on his brother.
“Hop.”
“None of this today. Ve are on a special mission. Dad has been vaylaid by a Kopter malfunction and I am in charge.”
“Fine, fine.” He hopped, as he was famously nicknamed for doing, onto his ball. This was followed by a quick roll to the end of the ship, a dangerous travel that, and a bounce into the warp pipe at the end. The rest of the Koopaling bunch sat around, waiting.
Lemmy took a breath, put a serious expression on, and began. “Ludvig says ve von’t be vaiting much longer.”
Wendy and Larry instantly fell over in a fit of giggles. Iggy didn’t quite roll around on the floor unable to stop, but he did laugh. Roy was not amused. Morton, on the other hand, seemed uncharacteristically quiet- if you didn’t take in the duct tape.
Wendy sat up, straightening both her new fur coat and her stole. This land was colder than she was used to, but it was a great chance to use the coat she had recently begged off her father. “I still don’t understand why I wasn’t kidnapped. I mean, I am the most beautiful princess of all.”
“About as beautiful as a warty toad,” Roy remarked.
“Shut up, Bully!”
“It’s because they’re fruit princesses,” Iggy spoke up in the wake of silence. “Princesses Orange, Kiwi, Pineapple, Peach… They’re all fruit. Think about it. Why not Princess Daisy? She’s a flower princess. Why not Kootie Pie? She doesn’t fit in any of those frilly Mushroom-Princess categories.”
“And Dark Land is way too hot for a sub-artic princess anyways,” Larry piped in.
“I think the bigger question should be… Why <I>only</I> fruit princesses? If her motives are land, which I think it’s safe to assume they are,“ the only Koopa equipped with glasses mused, “why not the land of all the princesses? Why not Water World? Why not Sarasaland?”
“’Cause she’s got something to prove,” Roy concluded.
“Exactly. She’s
a fruit princess too.”
Luigi rubbed his sore rump, thought about giving up now that he had lost his ride, and decided the wrath of all the Mushroomers would be worse than the retrieval journey. After all, this was a princess. How tough could she possibly be? Daisy and Peach were pushovers, obviously.
He was decidedly surprised running into Bowser, however. At first he was far too scared to confront the Koopa King. At length, Luigi realized he was in the open and Bowser was only staring at him thoughtfully.
“Not here to accuse me like your brother?”
“Uh-a no. I-a know who did-a this.”
“Good.” Bowser paused. A smile came to his leathery face. “I see. You’re just shaking with enthusiasm to join my troops in my noble quest to rescue her this time, right? Consider yourself an honorary Koopa Troopa for now.”
“What? No-a, Bowsa. I couldn’t possibly-“
“-Accept the honor.
I know, I know. I’m so generous and forgiving. I won’t let you turn it
down.”
“WHAT?! He’s GONE?!” Pear screamed at her guards. “Why didn’t you tell me he left?!”
“Lady, he is Lord of Sub-Artic Castle. He’s free to move as he likes.”
“Did he at least say where he was going?”
“No, Lady.”
Orange frowned, looking at the note. “I thought I said quite clearly that no one rescues me.” It had been slipped into her icepack. She was not thrilled by this prospect.
“Well, Mario is going to save me,” Peach commented.
“That big hunk of a plumber?!” Pineapple went into hysterics. “Oh, I’m such a big fan! I shall have to give him a kiss for saving us!”
“Kiss Plumber!” Kiwi mimicked.
“Not you, dear. Much too old for you.”
“Want Lime-Papa.”
“I’d love to see your ‘Lime-Papa’ right now,” Orange looked up. “I’d plant one right on him. A good sucker punch that is!”
“Please, Orange. He’s just trying to be a gentleman.” Pineapple sighed. “To have a man like that…”
The castle rocked
suddenly, as if an earthquake had hit. Or perhaps like a doomship landing.
“Let’s go, Troops!” Ludwig shouted over the roar of the landing gear. They were finally here. This was it. The first Koopa-organized rescue of Princess Toadstool.
They stormed the castle and were surprised by the emptiness at first. There was a single princess, obviously not Peach, standing in the middle of the vast hallway, leaning on a light green parasol. “Hello. Welcome to my home.” She gave a slight princess-ish giggle. “I’m sure you’ll find your rooms accommodating, maybe even familiar.” She looked behind her. “DUNGEONS! NOW!”
They were instantly overwhelmed. How many guards did this princess <I>have</I>? Ludwig was startled when the princess herself took hold of him. Her grip was like iron. “Vat kind of princess <I>are</I> you?”
“Ludwig, I presume?”
She smiled, having instantly recognized the Pipe Land accent. “Haven’t
you heard, boy? I am Princess Pear the Iron-Fisted.”
Bowser stopped in his tracks. “What did you say?”
The hooded figure, face entirely covered, spoke again, more slowly. “Your children have been kidnapped.”
“There’s no way! No one could have taken on all seven of my rowdy brats at once along with the full force troops! No one has that kind of army!”
Luigi’s teeth began to chatter, his knees resumed knocking. He’d thought himself relatively safe in the escort of Bowser, but the entire Koopa Troop had been captured?! “H-h-how do you-a know this?”
The figure didn’t respond. Bowser was oddly reminded of Geno, that mysterious companion of Mario. Of course. The cape was similar. That’s why. It was dark green, nearly black, but held the same shape, the hood only slightly longer, covering his full face in shadow. “I will join you. I too have a princess to rescue.”
To Be Continued...
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