Prince Mallow: Hello there, all of you who are reading this! I am Prince Mallow and I will be your narrator for this big adventure. Now for all of you Mario fans who think Mario is a dumb person who can only say cheese, STOP READING! I mean it. Mario isn’t that kind of guy. He does occasionally act stupid… but that doesn’t mean he is stupid. So that’s that. Now I will beg-
Geno: Stop!
Prince Mallow: What? Geno? What are you doing here?
Geno: I’m here because I want to know why I’m not gonna be in this story!
Prince Mallow: And how do you know that you are not gonna be in this story?
Geno: I’m a Star Guardian, I know all…
Prince Mallow: Yeah... Okay then…
Geno: Yes, that is right, so now I’m going to narrate this story.
Prince Mallow: Dude… I’m the narrator…
Geno: Oh no, I’m narrating! You can just throw yourself in the story somewhere as a minor character!
Prince Mallow: Hey now, this is my story! You can’t do that! I’m the one telling the story!
Geno: So…
Prince Mallow: Look… If you really want to be in here… I guess I can have an assistant narrator or something.
Geno: Hold on there… assistant?
Prince Mallow: Fine, partner.
Geno: Okay! It’s a deal! So what’s this story called then?
Prince Mallow: It’s called…
MARIO & LUIGI
Rise of a New
Foe
Geno: Well… umm… I don’t know that story…
Prince Mallow: It’s okay, you can just do the recaps and stuff.
Geno: Fine, works for me!
Prince Mallow: All right now, let’s see… The story begins…
Geno: Wait! Let me get some food!
Prince Mallow: You can eat food?
Geno: Of course I can eat food. How do you think I recovered during battle?
Prince Mallow: I used HP Rain on you…
Geno: Never mind, I can eat, okay?
Prince Mallow: Fine, get your food, but hurry. We’re wasting our audience’s time!
A few minutes later Geno comes back with a lot of snacks and two large sodas.
Prince Mallow: Can we start now?
Geno: Sure!
Prince Mallow:
Okay, now our story begins with a little Mushroom man…
Prologue: Toad, the Overworked Slave…
Toad is seen rushing to Princess Peach’s castle.
Toad: Dang it! I slept in five minutes late!
Toad runs right into the castle and crashes into a big, tall, burly, purple Toad. This Toad has abnormal height and muscle. He is even taller than Luigi, but Waluigi still has an inch or two on him.
Toad: Ow… Why don’t you watch where you- Commissioner! Oh, I’m so sorry about that!
Commissioner: You better be, Toad. This is the third time this week that you’ve arrived late. You know, one more screw up like this one and you are fired.
Toad: But I’m only two minutes late!
Commissioner: Two minutes late is still late! Oh, and a pay deduction for attacking the commissioner, arriving late, and talking back to me.
Toad: … All right then…I’ll just be going.
Toad drags himself away from the commissioner, trying to avoid anymore conflict so he doesn’t get fired.
Commissioner: Man, having this position can be such a hassle. I mean, I’m ordering around everyone, it’s so lowly to mess with Toads… But I must keep my patience… I must…
The commissioner begins to walk away to his office. Meanwhile, Toad is talking to his pal Ted, who works as a guard.
Toad: And then he deducted money from me because of me running into him, getting here two minutes late, and saying it was only two minutes and that he should let me go this time.
Ted: You know... I hope that the commissioner is fired soon. He’s firing people left and right.
Toad: I know, as soon as you are called to his office, BAM! You’re gone.
Ted: I’m glad that I haven’t been bothering hi-
????: HEY TED!
Ted: Huh? Who called my name?
A Toad messenger runs up to Ted.
Messenger: Ted, you’ve just been ordered to go to the commissioner’s office.
Ted: What? NO!
Toad: I’ll miss you, Ted…
Ted:I’ll see you at the unemployment office, Toad…
Ted leaves and goes to the commissioner’s office…never to be the same person ever again.
Toad: Man, I know I’m next…
Toad then starts
to walk towards Peach’s room, where his chores are about to begin.
When Toad arrives
at Peach’s room he finds that Peach made a list of chores that is 29 pages
long, front and back.
Toad: *sigh* I better get started on these…
Toad works for hours. He washes the bed sheets three times, washes Peach’s clothes, washes Peach’s windows, runs the sweeper, does the file work of new laws that the king gave him, does the king’s bed sheets five times, washes the king’s clothes, cleans his windows in his room, and runs the sweeper twice (the king spilled food on the carpet after Toad ran it the first time). Toad is so worn out from doing this, and this was only the first page.
Toad: I need a new job…
Meanwhile, while Toad is busy working, who else but Mario shows up when Toad is ready to collapse? Toad sees Mario and gets an idea.
Toad: Mario is such a nice guy, maybe he’ll help me with these chores! Hey Mario!
Mario: What is it? I’m in a hurry to see the princess, so spit it out, Mushroom Man!
Toad: Well… I was wondering if you could help me with my work. I’ll pay you 20 coins if you take over for 30 minutes.
Mario: No way, Shorty!
Toad: What? How about 50 coins?
Mario: I’m in a hurry, so leave me alone, you mutated spore!
Toad: Come on! How about 100 coins?
Mario: No, now go away!
Toad: Please! Fine, 200 coins, but that’s all I got.
Mario: What part of no don’t you understand?!
Toad jumps and grabs Mario’s leg and clings onto it and begins to sob.
Toad: Please Mario, just 30 minutes! I’m going to die!
Mario: No way, I don’t want your dirty, fouled up money! Now get off of me, Shorty!
Mario kicks Toad off his leg and walks towards the throne room.
Toad: Man… Since when did Mario become such a jerk…?
Toad resumes his work, loathing every minute of it. Meanwhile, Mario has just arrived at the throne room and sees that Wooster and Peach are alone talking.
Mario: Hey Princess!
Peach: Mario? What do you want?
Mario: Can I talk to you privately?
Wooster: Master Mario, I would like to say that since the break-ins that have been happening in the princess’ room, we do not allow her to be out of sight.
Mario: Come on, old man, it’s me, Mario!
Wooster: Why I never!
Peach: Mario?! Don’t be rude!
Mario: … Yeah… right… rude…
Peach: Now apologize to Wooster.
Mario: That’s it! I’m not taking any lectures from a spoiled brat!
Peach: MARIO!
Wooster: I dare say, how dare you?
Mario: Shut up, old man!
Mario throws a punch and hits Wooster square in the face, knocking him out.
Peach: AHH! WOOSTER!
Mario: You’re coming with me, Princess!
Mario grabs Peach and takes her to her bedroom. When he gets there he ties and gags Princess Peach.
Mario: There are some bushes outside this window I can land on, great!
Just then Toad walks in the room carrying some sheets.
Toad: Hey Princess Peach, where do you want me to pu- HEY! WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?!
Mario: Oh, hey there Shorty, just taking the Princess for a stroll. Heh heh heh…
Toad: Mario, stop!
Mario jumps out of the window and rushes off with the princess.
Toad: Princess Peach!
Thinking quickly, Toad summons five guards and rushes towards the outside of the castle. But when he gets there, Mario is nowhere to be seen.
Toad: Great, we lost him…
Guard 1: Perhaps we should go tell the commissioner about this…
Toad: Yes… that’s a good idea…
The six of them hurry to the commissioner’s office.
Toad: And then we lost him from there… So, what do we do, sir?
Commissioner: Hmm… Toad, you and three guards go to Mario’s house and arrest him. And while you’re at it, arrest Luigi too. I’m sure he was in with Mario’s plan to kidnap the princess. Go now!
And with that, Toad and three guards leave to arrest the Mario Brothers.
Commissioner:
Excellent, all goes according to plan….
Prince Mallow: And we will stop there for today.
Geno: Aww…. I want to know what the commissioner is planning…
Prince Mallow: He’s planning to invent the Frisbee.
Geno: Ha ha ha… Very funny… but really, what’s he planning? And why did Mario kidnap the princess?
Prince Mallow: I’m sorry, Geno, but you have to wait.
Geno: No, just continue the story. I’m not going anywhere anyways.
Prince Mallow: Fine… So then Toad and his guards-
Geno: Stop! My shift to guard the Star Rod is about to start. Wait for me to get done, okay?
Prince Mallow: *sigh* Oh all right. (Geez, do you want to continue or not?)
Geno: Thanks. I’ll be back in 12 years your time, okay? Bye!
Geno leaves Mallow standing there speechless.
Prince Mallow: I’m not waiting that long…
To Be Continued...
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