Part 2: Plit vs. Earth
Chapter 1: Battle Plans
Doshi and Bowser stood at the head of a table in the capital building of Paris, recently renamed Bowserous. The Koopalings and Captain Ironshell were sitting at that long table, listening intently to Bowser and Doshi.
We’ve never introduced Captain Ironshell, have we? Well… Who is “we”? Oh, me and…. another time perhaps. Now, Captain Ironshell. He is not your ordinary Koopa. For starters, his shell is the grayish color of iron, and he has a rather nasty looking scar over his left eye, which is also blind.
Anyways, this traitorous character was sitting with the Koopalings listening to Doshi and Bowser argue.
“Look Bowser,” said Doshi, “the U.S. is the military power of the world. We’ve conquered all of Europe save those accursed British Isles, and the invasion of the Arthurian land is almost ready. But at the same time, I think we should strike at the U.S. from our Pacific base-”
“Our Pacific forces are no match for their navy!” replied Bowser heatedly. “Why waste them?!”
“Because,” replied Doshi calmly, “that would distract them enough for some of our forces to go into Cuba and steal the missiles they have there, and add them to our arsenal.”
“We have no forces to spare!” returned Bowser. “Who do you think is going to go to Cuba?!”
“I’ll go,” said Ironshell quietly.
“HA!” roared Bowser. “I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you, which, is actually quite far, but still!” Doshi sighed.
“I trust,” Doshi said tiredly, “you remember that it was Ironshell that gave us Norway, after your plan failed so hideously.” Bowser turned red with rage. “And,” Doshi continued, “the time Ironshell managed to destroy the last French army base only seconds before they fired their missiles and destroyed us.” Bowser seemed to grow with barely contained rage.
“IRONSHELL ALMOST KILLED ME!” yelled Bowser. “HE ALMOST SINGLE-HANDEDLY DESTROYED DARK LAND AND MY EMPIRE! IF IT WASN’T FOR LARRY AND MORTON’S QUICK THINKING, I WOULDN’T BE HERE!”
“I wish they hadn’t thought so quickly then!” said Doshi, growing angrier. “You’ve messed up my plans time after time!” he continued. “And if I say Ironshell is going, then he goes!” he finished with a burst of flame.
“You don’t scare me anymore, Doshi!” replied Bowser, though his green face was to the contrary. “With this pendant, I have nothing to fear!” Bowser fingered the pendant on his neck nervously. Doshi laughed and returned to normal size.
“Oh, yes you do,” he said quitly. “In case you forgot, that pendant doesn’t protect your family.” Bowser and the Koopalings all stiffened. Ironshell looked nervously from Bowser, to Doshi, to the Koopalings, and then back again. Doshi laughed, and his eyes turned light pink.
“Oh relax!” he said jokingly. Bowser and his offspring did such. “Now then,” he continued, “seriously, Ironshell, you’ve got to help with the British invasion.” Bowser nodded happily. Then he frowned.
“But then who’s going to go to Cuba?” he asked.
“Larry,” replied DOshi.
“DIE!!!” yelled Doshi, cutting off DOshi’s head in a furious rage. “AND STAY DEAD!” Everyone looked shocked, staring at the dead Doshi look-alike. “What?” asked Doshi innocently.
“Never mind…” replied Bowser slowly. “Uh…. Wha… why Larry?” he asked, returning to his aggressive, normal self.
“Why not Larry?” asked Doshi. “Larry’s perfect! He’s a good spy,” reasoned Doshi as Larry beamed with pride. “He obviously knows how to get around, and he’ll have back up just in case!”
“What’s to special about these missiles anyways?’ asked Morton suspiciously. Doshi chuckled.
“You’ll see,” promised Doshi, giggling
evilly. To be honest, this writer didn’t know that one could giggle
Chapter 2: I see London, I see Bowserous II…
“Send in the first wave,” came the order over the walkie-talkie.
“Yes sir,” replied General Piut-Top, a rather burly and blackish Goomba. “Send in the first wave!” he roared in his raspy voice. Five doomships suddenly took flight, and pointed themselves over the English Channel, towards London.
As they crossed into enemy air space, the doomships were attacked by anti-aircraft guns. One of the doomships returned fire and soon demolished the weaponry. The rest continued on. Upon reaching London, they started to pummel the ground with wave after wave of Bullet Bills. As the bombs continued to fall, General Piut-Top sent the second wave, consisting of Paratroopas, to form a protection ring around London’s air space. As they did so, the doomships stopped their bombardment of London to send troops down to claim the city. Suddenly a massive wave of British soldiers came from unharmed houses and bomb shelters. As the furious battle took place down in London, above was another battle, as the Royal Air Force came and managed to break through the Paratroopa ring with minimal loss and continued to bombard the doomships hovering above the burning city.
There was blue ocean spreading for miles, and then the land of California. And something in between. What was this strange gray and fast moving object, traveling just under the water’s surface? Suddenly it broke the waves above it and a submarine, the picture of Wendy on its side, fired a missile towards the mainland.
There was a flash of light and a soundwave, accompanied by a cloud of dust…
“All batteries fire, fire!” yelled out Captain Cruncher, leader of the Doomship Neavel. The Koopas obeyed, unleashing a massive barrage of Bullet Bills at the attacking airplanes. One of the airplanes burst into flames and fell down into the city, killing a human who was about to blow a few Koopas to DAD. They got blown up by the plane anyway, though.
“I got ‘em, I got ‘em!” replied a Koopa as he blasted the engines out of another plane.
“YOU FOOL! HE’S HEADED RIGHT TOWARDS US!” screamed Cruncher in hysteria, jumping from the bridge onto the poop deck. The others on the bridge cursed as they suddenly blew up, leaving a flaming mess in their place. Neavel began to go down. “NO!” yelled ex-Captain Cruncher as his ship fell into the battle in London.
“We’ve drawn the enemy forces, repeat, drawn the enemy forces!” came the message over the radio, as the doomship Wendy’s Love hovered a few inches below the water’s edge at Cuba.
“Copy that,” said Larry into the radio as he strapped himself into the small pod inside a bullet bill cannon.
“Good luck, Larry,” came Wendy’s voice over the radio. “Don’t go and die over there,” she said warningly, “’cause then I’ll have one less brother to beat up.”
Larry smiled, knowing she meant well. “I’m ready,” he said into the radio. “Fire at will.”
Larry soon found out he wasn’t ready.
Watching the doomship Neavel fall, Captain Ironshell ordered his Doomship, Doshi’s Hand, to take its place and destroy the Royal Air Force. “Turn to port side and get ready to unleash all fire power,” called Captain Ironshell. His men scurried to obey. “When I say so, go up,” he said quietly to his first mate, who was driving the doomship. “FIRE!” came the barked order, and fire did the Doshi’s Hand’s cannons. “Go up now,” hissed Ironshell, and his first mate quickly obeyed.
Up went the Doshi’s Hand, and suddenly Ironshell’s battle brilliance came into play. As he went up, the Royal Air Force was forced to go down or risk being hit by the doomship. As they went down, Doshi’s Hand suddenly had the advantage, and plane after plane fell into the fiery mass below them. And this time no one yelled, “I got ‘em, I got ‘em!
Wendy paced the floor of her room. Larry should have radioed back by now. But they had heard nothing. What’s taking him? wondered Wendy.
“Sir?” asked a Koopa who came to Captain Ironshell’s side.
“Yes? What is it?” asked Ironshell sharply. The Koopa blanched.
“Sir, we’ve been hit underneath and we’re losing fuel,” said the Koopa.
“Then fix it,” replied Captain Ironshell.
“Well, sir,” continued the Koopa after a moment of hesitance, “that’s the problem. To do so, we’d have to shut down the port side batteries.” Ironshell cursed softly.
“Pull a quick 180,” he said to his first mate, and then turned to the Koopa staring nervously at the captain’s left eye. “Like it, do you?” said Ironshell to the Koopa, who blanched and blushed. “I got it from Bowser,” he continued. “Didn’t seem to like me trying to takeover his empire. GO FIX THAT LEAK!” he suddenly yelled at the Koopa, who turned and ran, wetting himself in fear.
“We’ve lost the Neavel and all onboard,” said Doshi to Bowser, both in Bowserous’s capital building.
“And Larry?” asked Bowser after a moment.
“Sill no word,” replied Doshi. Bowser sighed. “If it makes you feel better,” said Doshi, “London is ours. The battle in Scotland went our way as well. As for Ireland, they surrendered soon after we bombed Dublin with the Fire Storm.” Bowser shook his head slightly, remembering that day. He had never known fire could be that destructive. “The British Isles are yours,” finished Doshi. Bowser grunted.
“All that it needs now to be perfect is for Larry to come back safely and for Ironshell to die painfully,” said Bowser cheerfully.
“Then it won’t be perfect,” replied Doshi, too tired to argue. “Ironshell lived, though my ship has been damaged.” Bowser sighed.
“And Larry?” asked Bowser.
“Still no word,”
Chapter 3: "I pledge allegiance, to the flag of the Mario Bros"...
Mario and Luigi. Last time we left them they were in a pit, captured by Bowser. When he took over France, he put them in a slave camp that was made by the Germans in World War II. Quite a few hundred humans were there, working 'til they dropped dead. Mario and Luigi still worked on, forgotten by all and just called by numbers now, 1345 and 1346, respectively.
On this day they were moving large blocks of recently processed iron to a factory where weapons would be made.
“This is hard work, 1345,” said 1346, sweating like a pig. “And it's sad, too. Look at us all!”
“I know, 1346,” said 1345, whose fat had transformed into muscle because of the hard work. “And if we stop working, they shoot us!”
“So true, 1345,” said 1346. “But not us. They want us to suffer.”
“Unfortunately true, 1346,” said 1345. “I wonder if we’ll ever get out of here?”
“I doubt it, 1345,” said 1346. “Security is too tight.”
“Once again true, 1346,” said 1345, “But perhaps… there’s a way. Remember what 1257 was saying?”
“About how all we need to do is dig a tunnel,” retorted 1346, “or escape to the town?”
“Yes… Why not try it now?” said 1345.
“Because,” hissed 1346, “we’ll die!”
“How do you know?” replied 1345. “This is the only opportunity we’ll have for months! They rotate the factory shift every day because they know it’s the best time to escape!”
“And that’s the time they guard us doubly,” pointed out 1346. “If we want to escape we’ll have to wait until they're all not paying attention… like now.” 1345 widened his eyes.
“Are you serious?” asked 1345.
“Yeah,” said 1346. “You owe me one, though,” he continued.
“Sure,” said 1345, who was very happy.
“Any word on Larry?” asked Bowser of Doshi, in the Bowserous capital building. It had been two days since Larry had been blasted into Cuba by Wendy’s special doomship.
“Nope,” replied Doshi, who was watching The Sword in the Stone. “Interesting,” he said before Bowser could retort in anger. “Merlin is clearly breaking the rules,” he continued. “Unless, of course, Earth is not his home universe. But all the-”
“WHO CARES?!” roared Bowser. “MY SON IS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE TO GET MISSILES THAT WE DON’T NEED-”
“In 1962,” snapped Doshi, “the Soviet Union planted missiles in Cuba to fire at the U.S.A. These missiles are extremely dangerous, more powerful than the Fire Storm. The missiles were removed later after a diplomatic solution was found, that worked for both sides. HOWEVER!” And here Doshi paused for dramatic effect. “My sources tell me that a few missiles remain in Cuba. Be stealing them, we will be able to use them and threaten with them, and also possibly duplicate them. It is essential,” he insisted, “that Larry retrieves the missiles. Then,” he added with happiness, “we can rule this hunk of rock called Earth.”
1345 and 1346 stood panting at the edge of a forest not far from the concentration camp that they had been held in, finally, free, free, FREE!
“You definitely owe me one,” said 1346 happily. “Remember when they almost got us by the well?”
“Oh yeah!” laughed 1345. “And the time they shot at us when we cleared the fence?” The two laughed until their bellies hurt. After a quick pause they went walking away from the concentration camp.
Wendy paced back and forth, waiting for dinner and the return of Larry. She sighed. She hated to admit it, but she missed him. She loved him, even, being his sister...
“Sir,” said the brown Goomba, standing next to Doshi, “good and bad nNews.”
Doshi sighed. “There must always be a yang to one's yin,” he said softly. “What’s the bad news?”
“Prisoners 1345 and 1346 have escaped from Work Camp Natzweiler-Struthof. Their former names were-”
“Mario and Luigi,” hissed Doshi, cuting off his aide. “I have no time for thisss,” he said, reminding the Goomba of Doshi’s sire. “Russssia’sss Ambasssssador issss coming today,” continued the dark Yoshi, “and Larry will ssssoon be back with the weaponssss.”
“There must be a yin to one's yang,” reminded the Goomba timidly. Doshi suddenly laughed.
“True, true,” he said in a happy voice. “Thank you for reminding me,” he said to the Goomba. “What’s your name?”
“Prelion, sir,” replied the Goomba, who shall now be known as Prelion.
“Well, consider yourself my personal aide from now on,” said Doshi jovialy, and Prelion stood up straighter. “Now, tell me, what's the yin to my yang?
Prelion told him the good news.
“Then,” said Doshi, narrowing his eyes, “Earth is mine!”
1345 and 1346 were in the French town of Quimper. Well, what used to be Quimper. As they kicked rocks around, there was a scream; not a scream scream, but a scream like one makes when they meet their idol.
“Es Mario en Luigi!” screamed a small little girl, quite dirty and underfed. She had appeared out of nowhere, standing on a rock, pointing and jumping in obvious adoration.
“Mario?” asked 1345.
“Luigi?” asked 1346.
“OH YEAH!” they shouted together. They felt much better now, as all of their previous memories and experiences came back to them.
“Remember the time we gave Clawdia a bunch of poison ivy?”
“And the time we hacked into Lemmy’s Land?”
“And the time we- HOLY SPAGHETTI!” shouted Mario, as the girl screamed and jumped down.
“WHAT?!” asked Luigi, who was not very happy to be interrupted.
“BOWSER'S TAKEN OVER EARTH!” screamed Mario.
“Oh... yeah…” said Luigi, thinking… “But with Doshi there,” asked Luigi, “how can we beat them?”
“Superior numbers!” said a gruff voice, startling the Mario Bros.
“MAMAMIA!” they shouted. Luigi jumping onto Mario, who collapsed. There was a tough, burly Frenchman next to the girl now, and around them where more burly, dirty, and obviously underfed French people. “WHO ARE YOU?!” they asked.
“We are the Quimper part of the French Revolution against the Koopas. We will aid you in any way possible,” said the burly man.
“I pledge allegiance, to the flag of the Mario Bros,” said the little girl softly.
Mario and Luigi smiled. The tide was going to change.
“I hope you understand everything that was said,” Doshi said to Prelion, as they left the chamber in which the Russian ambassador was just getting ready to leave.
“I did, sir,” replied Prelion, “though I have one question: what will you do about the Mario Bros?”
“They shall come to me,” said Doshi. “If I know human psychology well, which I think I do. This trip to Earth has been most enlightening.”
Prelion shuddered. “Then what will happen?” he asked.
“I will dispose
of them,” replied Doshi shortly.
First Interlude: World War III
World War I and II were inaptly named. There were quite a few other “World Wars’” before and after them. One example is the Seven Years War, between all of Europe’s major powers and their colonies all over the world. Another example is the Cold War, in which the world’s two main superpowers, the U.S.A. and the U.S.S.R., fought each other indirectly in different wars, before they made peace with each other.
But as WWI and WWII are called such, this war of Plit vs. Earth is World War III. It is fought all over the world, including Antarctica, and includes warfare on three dimensions; Land, Air, and Water; Air playing the biggest role. Therefore, we shall wait and wonder, pondering and fearing the words of Einstein, when asked what the weapons World War III would be fought with:
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.