Super Mario RPG: No Legend of the 7 Dumb Stars

By Crazy Koopa

Chapter 12: Next Stop… Detour Around the World!

Last time… Ah forget this! I’m not being paid enough for this! I quit!

A few minutes later...

New Narrator: I’M RICH! I HAVE 1,000,000 COINS! I can’t believe that old narrator didn’t read the contract! Anyways, back to the story.

Last time Mario and Co. managed to find out that Star 7 was found in the Smithy-taken-over Bowser’s Keep. And for some reason, the author included some of the Koopalings with a different challenge behind the 6 Doors. Now Mario and Co. are entering the Factory of evil…

Mario: I think we should leave.

Princess: Why?

Mario: I have too many things in my pockets!

Princess: Oh…

Mario: Let’s start in Nimbus Land!

Now in Nimbus Land...

Mario: Hey! Look over there! It’s that Shy Away!

Shy Away: Oh %$^$%%$^! It’s that ^$%@% plumber! Here! Take this #$%#$%# Fertilizer!

Mario Receives Fertilizer!

Mario: Now to the Mushroom Kingdom!

Now in the Mushroom Kingdom...

Mario: Let’s go!

Shady-looking Mushroom Kid: Hey… I’ll give you this Beetle Mania game for 500 coins.

Mario: Ok!

Mario adds Game to the menu!

Mario: Menu? What menu?

Toadette: I’m back!


Days later


Toadette: Let me teach you about the menu!

If you remember from Chapter 1, than you know what happens…

Mario: How many lessons did she tell us?

Mallow: 9,939,399,459,593,459,245,934,952,929,535 times…

Mario: Hurry! To Rose Town!

Now in Rose Town...

Mario: Hey! I see a new path!

Old Guy: Welcome to my house!

Mario: What’s with the pot?

Old Guy: I’m a gardener! So I use a pot to plant things!

Mario: What kind of Gardener has a pot that big?

Gardener: Well… I’m searching for the Legendary Seed and Legendary

Mario: I have a Seed and some Fertilizer with me right now…


Mario: O_O I have no idea what you just said.

Gardener: I said

Mario: Ok. That’s what I thought you said.

Mario gives the gardener the Seed and Fertilizer.

Gardener: THANKYOU!

The gardener plants the seed than uses the fertilizer. Than a HUGE plant comes from it.

Meanwhile in Bowser’s Keep...

Ludwig: What’s wrong, Larry?


Ludwig: Aren’t you and that other guy the only people who read that and garden?


Back with Mario...

Mario: I wonder what’s at the top of this plant.

A few minutes later…

Jack: I’m going to find the goose that lays golden eggs!


Jack disappears in a puff of smoke.

Mario: Hey! Treasure!

Mario finds a Lazy Shell!

Mario: Another box!

Mario finds a Lazy Shell!

Mario: Huh? What’s the difference between them?

Narrator: The first one you found was armor. This one is a weapon for you!

Mario: Oh.

Princess: Let’s go!

Mario: To Yo’ster Island!

Now on Yo’ster Island...

Yoshi: (Hi Mario!)

Mario: O_O  YOU DIED!

Yoshi: (What? I didn’t die.)

Mario: But you died in the Birdo part of Chapter 10!

Yoshi: (Birdo! Where is she?!)

Mario: Most Birdos on Plit are guys.

Yoshi: (… My life has no meaning.)

Yoshi kills himself! Mario and Co receive 130 Exp. Points!

Mario: … To Moleville’s remains!

Almost to Moleville...

Ma Mole: Pa! Tourists are coming from a place called Lemmy’s Land! What are we going to do?!

Pa Mole: Don’t worry, Ma! We’ll hide the carnival like last time!

Ma Mole: That’s a good idea, Pa!

The tourists arrive.

E-Man: We’re here because we heard there was a carnival here.

Doopliss and Octorok: We’re looking for a rollercoaster and throw up a lot!

The Dryest Bones: I wish I knew what it was like to throw up. But I’m a Dry Bones. We’re also here to sightsee.

Donkey Kong! (tourist): Also to buy souvenirs!

Ma Mole: Uhh… Sorry! There is no carnival here!

Mario: Hi!


Mario: I thought this place was in ruins.

Ma Mole: We rebuilt.

Mario: Oh.

E-Man: Man... This is the third carnival we couldn’t find or was closed!

Doopliss and Octorok: Aww…

The Dryest Bones: So we leave?

Donkey Kong!: Yeah, I think we should.

The tourists leave.

Mole Girl: I told you!

Mario: What?

Mole Girl: I told you that the Shiny Stone would help you in the future! And it did!

Mario: How did you know that?

Mole Girl: I found out from a sign that came from that plothole over there!

The Mole Girl points to the plothole.

Mario: Let’s go to Seaside Town.

Now in Seaside Town...

Geno: Why are we here?

Mario: I don’t know. To Booster’s Tower!

Booster’s Tower...

Knife Guy: Hehehe… I know where my brother’s casino is.

Mario: Where?

Knife Guy: Here. Have this card. It’s to my brother’s casino, wherever that is…

Mario: But you just said you knew where it was!

Knife Guy: Hehehe, no I didn’t.

Mario: #$%#$%#%#$%$!!!

Mario obtains the Bright Card!

Mario: %^#@#$@$^$^$^#^#$^#^#!!!

Mallow: I think he means go to Bean Valley for some reason.

Bean Valley...

Mario: We’re in the five pipe area now. We need to go through the pipe that’s around the top!

Bowser: Why?

Mario: Because! The strategy guide says that’s where Grate Guy’s Casino is!

Princess: When did we get a strategy guide?


Croco: I’m selling you this mint condition strategy guide!

End of Flashback...

Princess: Oh yeah.

Mario: I already killed the Chewy! Let’s go!

Now underground in Bean Valley...

Chomp Chomp: Hello! Finally, guests! After all these years!

Mario: We’re supposed to kill you!

Chomp Chomp: What?!

Narrator: Meanwhile in the Sonic Universe…

Audience: WHAT?!

Crazy: They bribed me with a shiny yellow emerald thingy.

Audience: …

Eggman: I shall rule everyone with the shiny!

Crazy: So pretty… MUST TAKE! YAH!

Eggman: Ack!

Sonic: Why did we get in this in the first place?

Narrator: Back to the Fun Fiction!

Mario: I shall play!

Grate Guy: Great! Since this game is NOT rigged, you’ll win for sure…

Lemmy: Hey! I’m the only ball rider around here! DIE!

Grate Guy: Ack!

Mario: Why are we here in the first place?

Narrator: Déjà vu.

Mario: What do you mean déjà vu?

Narrator: Well it’s not 100% déjà vu, but it still looks familiar to me.

Lemmy dropkicks Grate Guy.

Mario: How can Lemmy dropkick Grate Guy? He is on a ball!

Lemmy and Grate Guy: Ball rider secret.

Mario: So… Can we steal your stuff?

Grate Guy: NEVER!

Grate Guy uses Destroy Lemmy’s Freeze Gun!

Mario: Since when is that an actual attack?

Lemmy: DIE!!!

Grate Guy: Uses Burn Gun! Lemmy is defeated!

Grate Guy: Now… back to the game that’s NOT rigged. Try and find the side that doesn’t have the fist.

Mario: Ok!

14,503,750,798,759,357 tries later…

Mario: I shall never give up! I may have lost everything so far… including my partners, but I shall never give up!!!

Geno: You said “I shall never give up!” twice in the same dialogue.


Grate Guy: And that would be…?

Mario: Pick-a-Box!

Grate Guy: Wha?

Mario: Pick a box. Its contents will help you on your way.

Grate Guy: The left one?

Mario: You just won… a Revive Lemmy!

Lemmy is revived!

Grate Guy: That’s all?

Mario: Nope! It also makes him ten times more powerful than before!

Lemmy: DIE!

Grate Guy: Ack!

Grate Guy is defeated! Mario and Lemmy each receive 9,999,999 EXP! Mario gets one Level Up! Lemmy gets 1.5 Level Ups!

Mario: 1.5? That doesn’t make any sense!

Geno: Let’s just go…

Mario: We went everywhere, so that just leaves…

Princess: Smithy’s Factory!

Mario: To the Factory!

Bowser: Now…


Narrator: I’ll just replace it with this pretty-looking shiny!


Narrator: Uh… HE HAS THE SHINY!

Goombario: What?


Goombario: Ack!

Narrator: Well that was fun. Now back to the Fun Fiction.

Bowser: Why are we going through my 6 Doors game again?

Mario: The author didn’t have enough money to purchase the Area Dot thing for the Factory.

Crazy: I blame television.

Mario: Why?

Crazy: It told me to buy 10,000 cookies and sell them to idiots.

Mario: Oh.

Mallow: Fast Forward!

Fast Forwarded!

Mario: We’re now in the Factory! Let’s go…

End of Chapter 12:

Why did Crazy buy 10,000 cookies? Why were there many cameos in this chapter? Why does Crazy have an addiction to shiny things? Why was there a Sonic part in this chapter? Why did Lemmy kill Grate Guy? Why is the word Grate in Grate Guy spelled like it is? Why does Grate Guy own a casino? What was the pretty shiny yellow emerald thing that Crazy was bribed with? Why are there more questions in this End of Chapter? Uhh… Who is the narrator? Find out on Chapter 13: Countdown to your Doom! Then Showdown with Two Idiot Jesters! Than Versus the Factory Staff! Than Versus the Gunyolk! Than Versus Smithy! This is a Very Long Chapter!

Read on!

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