Chapter Four: A Tale of the Ages
A flashlight was held under the chin of one Slimer Koopa, also known as Miles. Looking ominous, he carefully spun a web of tales to his comrades lying in sleeping bags, under the stars. Slimer had his head poking out of the tent, for dramatic effect.
"Mwahahahaha... Gather around, you fools. For now, I tell a tale so horrifying, so morbid, that you may not want to eat while listening in case of regurgitation..."
"Oh please," Bow commented, popping a marshmallow into her open mouth. "The only thing that's going to make me throw up is looking at your face." Slimer frowned, but then smiled.
"Oh... Just wait. Just wait…" he said. He laughed demonically again, and began to speak. "Once... there was... um.... oh. Oh crud. I forgot."
Bow sighed. "Why don't you try to entertain us, Nick?" The Koopa looked in her direction and smiled.
"I'd be glad to," Nick said and swiped the flashlight away from Slimer and held it under his own chin.
"It was a Saturday night, and I was with my girlfriend at her house, and we were making out..." Nick started. The Koopa's story seemed to lessen the intelligence of those in a thirty foot radius, as each member's eyes dilated.
"Then... her parents came in, and kicked my shell out the window!!!" Nick laughed uncontrollably at this point, as maniacally as he possibly could. Everything seemed to stop. Everything froze, as Nick finished his ridiculously stupid story. Bow fell over, a dazed look in her eye, a line of drool hanging from her mouth. Slimer jumped into the air and unrealistically kicked Nick in the face, sending the Koopa flying into a tree. Miraculously, Nick was unharmed besides a trickle of blood from his left nostril. Nick wobbled and fell over.
"That story was stupider then mine!" Slimer said, annoyed. Bow made sure Nick was okay, then came back over to their tent.
"Maybe we should just go to sleep now," Bow said. Slimer sighed and half-heartedly agreed. As soon as they went into the tent, it started raining and thundering, as if circumstance simply hated them. Well, maybe not so much hate, but extreme-dislike is a better word... or maybe circumstance is annoyed by their stupid, cartoonish antics... What? I'm boring you? Oh. Sorry.
"Why is our narrator being increasingly stupid?" Slimer asked.
"Why did you just break the fourth wall?" Bow asked. Thusly, after ignoring that strange conversation THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN... they left their tents and looked for a place to stay for the night. Since they were in Toad Town, they didn't have far to look before they found a large building with a sign outside the door labeled "story time tonight". The four friends looked at each other with confusion. They entered the building and found an enormous library. The ceiling was large, and the shelves resembled a labyrinth.
"Hello?" Slimer asked to the library's large spacious room. There was no answer.
"Um... Do you have a bed for people to stay in?" Bow asked. Still no answer. They walked down the rows of tall bookcases, when they finally reached the end. The lights turned off the lights and the four tensed.
"Who's there?!
Show yourself?" Bow asked, gripping her steel-tipped fans in her
fin-like hands.
"Like a shining light in the night, I come!!!" a voice said from nowhere.
"What the...?" Slimer asked.
"SUUUUUPER TOOOOOAD!!!" The lights went on in that instant, and a Mushroomer bungie-jumped down from the ceiling on a rope.
"What... in the world?!" Bow asked as the rope snapped and the Mushroomer fell to the ground. He got up, and before them was the most bizarre sight they had ever seen. There was a Mushroomer standing before them with goggles on, and a Mushroom cap with purple spots. He had a black cloak and a long, white beard that dropped to the floor. He also had a mustache that seemed crooked, and his eyes were covered by the goggles. He had a jetpack on his back that had smoke rising from it, thus it gave the impression that it might explode. One of his hands was an egg beater, and he had a large TV antenna on his head. He smiled, or it seemed like he did, although it was impossible to tell for sure with that beard.
"Hello, everyone... I'm glad you came," he said.
"Um... Excuse me, but who are you?" Bow asked.
"Oh! So rude of
me..." He made a little fake coughing sound, the one that you KNOW is fake,
and introduced himself. "My name is
Ooglethwarpmallanianpinklefinklegalliap..."
"..." was all Bow said, which can't really count as her saying anything, so we'll just say she was silent.
"The Third. But all my friends call me Oog. Or Count Oog. Sounds much more dramatic, no?" Oog asked.
"Why don't we get right to the point, OOOOGH..." Slimer tried to pronounce his name, failing miserably. "What story do you have to tell us, and why should we care?"
"My story is a
great one, for anyone who wishes to hear. Only half price now.
Tonight only!"
"..."
"I kid! I kid!" Oog smiled at the angry expressions of the four visitors. "Now, gather around, and I will tell you the tale of the great treasure..."
"Great treasure?" Bow asked. "Sounds cliché."
"Sometimes reality is cliché! Okay, now moving on. Out somewhere in the Vista Sea... in a really cold and hot place-"
"How is it cold and hot at the same time?" Slimer asked.
"I was just getting to that... You see, the outside is a volano, but inside is a large island of ice!" Oog proclaimed happily.
"Wouldn't... the ice melt?" Bow asked.
"Ahh, you would think so, no?" he asked. "No, somehow the ice stays intact. And deep within the island of ice lies this treasure. It is said that the treasure bares the user with great magical power..."
"Um... okay. So, you just happen to be telling us this? When you could be keeping the secret to yourself, and take the treasure?" Slimer asked.
"I don't know... honestly," Oog said.
"Well... that certainly was exciting...." Bow said, turning to leave.
"Wait!" Oog said.
"What?" Nick asked, turning.
"Didn't you want a place to sleep for the night?" Oog asked. The four looked at each other.
"No thanks." Bow was the first to speak, and then she grabbed the others and quickly hurried out of there. Oog seemed to smile. "Ahh... youth."
~~~~~~
As they hurried towards a local inn, the four looked at each other.
"So... I take it we're going on another adventure?" Bow asked.
"Yup," Slimer replied. "If we don't find this treasure, some dark force will. That's always how these things work."
"Man... My first adventure." Nick said.
Bow frowned to herself. I hope you enjoy it... It could be your last one, she thought...
Chapter Five: Broken
Mario
... Why…? I don't understand. But then again, it never did. We don't choose, do we? Just dragged along for the ride? We have consciousnesses, can think, can make our own choices, but that affects life barely. Circumstance, like a cage, holds us in and makes sure we don't escape. How did I become a hero? How did I become a figure of great respect for millions? Circumstance. How did I meet Peach? Once again, circumstance. And now because of that same force, we're separated. Her death. Her revival. Her hatred. All circumstance... People... People tell me I'm a genius. What's the definition of a genius?
Someone un-ignorant? Hah. We're all ignorant, even "geniuses" like me. As a genius, the curse placed upon them is they cannot see their own flaws. Thus, they think themselves almost perfect. But we're far from perfect. Intelligent beings. That's what they call us. If we're so intelligent, why are we like this? Why do we live on blood? Why do we kill, and destroy, and burn? To some intelligence would seem a blessing. But it's honestly a curse. At least animals have no malicious intent when they rip the throat from a fellow brother.... And now I feel like dying. Circumstance has brought me to this point, and it has won.
Peach
He's so selfish... SO DARN SELFISH! My mind is on fire, and my eyes are burning. I hate him, but I can't get him out of my head. Did he think about me at all, while I was dead and rotting in my grave? Yeah, he revived me, but I wake to see him with some other whore. Good. I hope he's happy. I don't know what to tell our kids? How can I tell them? Oh, guess what, darlings? Mommy's breaking up with Daddy for emotional reasons and you'll only get to see him once every century! Then you come back to me! Great, Peach. Sure you'll be running your own freaking child daycare center soon.
Why... does it have to be like this? I don't understand. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! NO SENSE! I wish I could have him back...
~ ~ ~
Laying in a crumpled heap, Mario breathed heavily on his bed. The room was the same as always, of course it didn't make any difference to him anyway. Peach came in. She said nothing, but looked just as forlorn as the other man. Tears ran down Mario's eyes, and as soon as the princess looked at him, she turned away, becoming infested with his great sorrow.
"I'm sorry... but, you have to leave, Mario. I'll let you stay for tonight, but that's it.... Sorry..." Peach said forlornly. Mario didn't answer, but instead nodded his head as if he understood completely. With that, he left the room, with the princess staring at her mirror. Her makeup ran down her face, mixed with her tears. With a shriek, she smashed it with her fist and cried out in pain as the shards broke her skin. She ran to her closet, then tore out her pretty pink dresses, tearing them all to shreds. As her fit of rage was done, she collapsed to the floor in a pathetic heap, sobbing uncontrollably.
~ ~ ~
Mario walked down the halls. They were pink and beautiful, but he didn't even notice them. He went down a couple of flights of steps until he came to a shop in the vicinity. He talked to the Toad working there. He pointed to a gun that hung from the wall.
"A... gun? Mario, what do you need this for?" the Toad asked. Mario did his best and forced a smile.
"Bowser's got some really tough goons, I might need that sometime," Mario lied. The Toad seemed to buy his story for one reason or another. Mario handed him some coins, and took the gun with him. The Toad thought there was something suspicious about it, but who would suspect the nation’s hero of suicide, huh?
~ ~ ~
Mario stood in the bathroom, the gun pointed to his head. His hand trembled, and his breathing was heavy. Come on... YOU FREAKING COWARD, JUST PULL THE DARNED TRIGGER! Mario yelled at himself. He thought of all the people he would leave behind. Nobody would miss him. Wait... His kids. Mario would have kicked himself if he had the flexibility. Of course his kids would care. He was being selfish again. And for that, he hated himself even more.
"Mario? You in there?" Toad. No. No.
"Don't come in!" Mario started, but it was too late. Toad opened the door, and stepped back in horror.
"Oh god… God no..." Toad muttered. Mario slumped down, defeated. He dropped the gun. Toad didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. It was like the thought of Mario committing suicide was just too fictional for him to comprehend.
"Mario... You..." Toad stuttered.
"I won't," Mario responded. Then Toad's face turned from horror to realization, to more horror.
"... Why? Peach, right?" Mario could only nod.
"Mario, why would you do that...? Think of all the people you'll be hurting!" Toad said.
"I realized that. Otherwise, I'd be dead right now."
"Oh god..."
Mario sighed. Toad put his hands to his face.
"What about Alkeron?" he asked.
"I don't even know where he is. By the time I find him, he'll have brought Armageddon." Mario looked at Toad with blank, sorrowful eyes. Toad seemed to register this, and understand.
"Mario. Take a walk with me," he said. Mario came with Toad, and they walked through the halls of the castle. Nervously, Toad lit up a cigarette.
"You know, those things are bad for you," Mario said. Toad laughed grimly.
"This coming from a guy who was about to off himself? Kind of ironic."
Mario didn't answer.
"It ain't random, is it?" Toad asked.
"Huh?"
"Life. We all have purposes, right? We're all put here for a reason."
"Toad, since when did you become a preacher?" Mario asked, forcing a laugh. It seemed like now, they were both making jokes to lighten the mood.
"Fine, laugh. But you believe it, too."
"So what's my purpose?" Mario asked rather angrily. "Do people expect me to be their divine hero forever?"
"I guess that's life."
"Then life is complicated. You think Death would be easier?"
"Maybe. Can't say. Certainly not better though, I'm sure of that." Toad stopped walking and turned towards the taller man.
"Think about what I said. There are still people who need you out there, and even if you don't care about your life, they do," Toad said, and went to leave.
Easy for him to say, Mario thought. You haven't been through anything I have... Mario looked down, and he noticed something taped to his shirt. It was a note. It read:
Dear Sir Mario,
I may have something of interest to you. If you wish, come to the large building behind the Dojo in Toad Town. There, I will tell you everything.
Signed, Anonymous
Mario stared at the note, wondering who would be wanting to give him something, and who it was. It could be a crazy fan, waiting to jump him, or it could be someone else. Either way, he didn't have much choice, and there was nothing else to do. So, he went out of the castle and into the daylight, seeking this anonymous person.
Chapter Six: Sunny Island Days
Yoshi
Delighting the senses. Wondrous, seductive smells. Yoshi's Island, a paradise in itself, is where I dwell. A paradise... it is, but paradise day after day can get bland, no? Friends, family, and all other manner of pleasant beings surround me, but I'm still not satisfied. Maybe that's why I enjoy adventures so much. And why I partake of them so often. So, that leaves only one question: What is missing?
~ ~ ~
The sun is shining, the birds are singing, another perfect day on Yoshi's Island. Or so it would seem. Sitting in a circle of colorful dinosaur descendants, was the Yoshi. He was smiling and joking with the other dinos, and talking about life. Sitting closest to him were his best friends of course, Billy and Peter.
"So... he seriously did?" Peter asked.
"Yeah..." Yoshi replied. "Went ballistic, in fact."
"He slapped all those clowns?" Billy asked.
"Uh-huh," Yoshi replied. The rest of the group shuffled around and shifted with excitement. Yoshi stood up abruptly and smiled, semi-embarrassed.
"Sorry guys, but we gotta go," Yoshi said.
"Awww...." A bunch of groans came from the other Yosters. They were all much younger than the adults, and had been so interested in how Bob Kikalaman defeated all the zombie clowns in "Dead Clowns III" the movie. The three friends had gone to see it a week ago, and thought it completely awful. But with the wide array of teenagers and preteens in their midst, the adults had sounded excited for their sake. The three friends walked through the woods, hands behind their heads, looking up at the sky.
"Man... Don't you remember when we were kids?" Peter asked.
"Yeah... kind of like this, right? We haven't changed much." Yoshi said. "We're still living in paradise, and we're still pretty much carefree."
"You seem almost disappointed by this fact, Yosh." Billy said, taking a piece of gum out from under his baseball cap and chewing on it slightly.
"Yeah, well it just gets boring sometimes," Yoshi replied, drolly.
"Hey, man. That's life. Things bore us, but sometimes they don't," Peter answered him. The three didn't say anything for a while, then stopped walking. The jungle sounds reverberated in their ears, and they could smell it too. Yoshi's friends turned to look at the green dino.
"Dude... Why'd we stop? Aren't we going to your house?" Billy asked. Yoshi seemed to stare off into space, not hearing what they said.
"Dude?" Billy shook his friend, finally making the Yo’ster come to his senses.
"Sorry... Yeah, let's go." Yoshi said. The others looked at him suspiciously, but finally turned around.
~ ~ ~
After getting to Yoshi's house, the three partied like the day would never end. But it would. They jumped in the pool. They watched TV together. But the day would soon end. And another day would pass. And another. Yoshi still couldn't help but think: What's missing? What is missing in my life?
~ ~ ~
When the sun had gone down and they had finished their fun, the three left the house and came out into the field, the jungle surrounding them.
"Bye, guys," Yoshi said.
"By-" Peter started to respond, when they heard a rustling in the trees.
"Wazzat?" Billy asked, confused. There was another sound, followed by squeals. Someone was in trouble. They didn't know who, but they could hear someone running. Running away from something big. So they ran after the sound. Ran to help, whoever was running.