Leg 6
The Dryest Bones: AFTER POSSIBLY ONE OF THE LONGEST HIATUSES EVER, WE'RE BACK WITH MORE OF THE AMUSHROOM RACE!
The audience is asleep.
The Dryest Bones: I welcome you all back from many months of me being lazy and updating my Wario & Waluigi series or something else, but finally, you will see LEG 6!
More snoring.
The Dryest Bones: For those of you who can't remember, and I do NOT blame you, here is our previous scoreboard:
1st: Mario and
Luigi (Team Mario)
2nd: Tatanga
and The King (Team ?)
3rd: Iggy and
Larry (Team Head)
4th: Lemmy and
Ludwig (Team Ball)
5th: Petey and
Boomer (Team Muddy)
6th: Bowser and
Kamek (Team Koopa)
7th: Wario and
Waluigi (Team Garlic)
ELIMINATED: Goomboss
and Chief Chilly (Team 64)
HOSPITALIZED:
Yoshi and Birdo (Team Egg)
HALF NON-EXISTANT:
King Boo and Princess Shroob (Team Tyrant)
ELIMINATED: Rudy
and Bogmire (Team SCREAM)
ELIMINATED: Peach
and Toad/Fawful/Morton (Team Puff)
ELIMINATED: Wart
and Shy Guy (Team Bubble)
ELIMINATED: Boolosus
and Giant Dry Bones (Team Big)
The Dryest Bones: And now, here's Lord Crump with a summary.
Lord Crump: Last.. .er... time, teams traveled all around Dinosaur Island, due to The Dryest Bones's quick obsession with Super Mario World. Luigi was replaced with The King of Water Land for almost the entire episode, so Mario was able to do crazy things, like hospitalize Yoshi and Birdo. King Boo and Princess Shroob got locked in an alternate universe. King Boo escaped, but Princess Shroob was unlucky, eliminating the team. Finally, Goomboss and Chief Chilly ate all of Cookie Mountain, making them too large to get through Ludwig's Castle by the time most of the teams were finished. Plus, it didn't really help that Bowser ate all of Chocolate Island, either.
The Dryest Bones: You just go on and on, don't you? Well, good viewers, I say that we resume this race at the Top Secret Area... NOW!
Mario and Luigi get to the box.
Luigi: Enter a town where the king's head is a crown...
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel through dimentions to the lovely, lush, and completely-Japanese movie-influenced Sammer Kingdom and speak with Jade Blooper. It is there that they will find their next clue.
Mario: CHEESE!
Luigi: I get stuck with idiot Mario again... Greeaaat. Well, I think the clue is advertising Sammer Kingdom, considering that it says the address on the back. But how in the world can we perform an assention to another dimention, sure to cause tension, and not even to mention... a Ludwig invention! All right, we'll wait for Ludwig.
Mario is pretending he's a mime.
Mario: ...
Mario hits Luigi with an imaginary cannonball
Luigi: OW! THAT
ACTUALLY HURT!
Team ? (At the first route marker)
Tatanga: Curse new-age games... I have no idea!
The King: Well then, would you care for a spot of tea?
Tatanga: Why not?
The King sets up a giant tea set. He then starts acting insane ala Alice in Wonderland.
The King: A VERY HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY, TO YOU!
Tatanga: To me?
The King: A VERY
HAPPY UNBIRTHDAY, TOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUUUU!
Team Head (3rd at Route Marker)
Larry: HEY! I WAS MENTIONED IN THAT GAME!
Iggy: We all hold a grudge about it, but we will let it slide...
Larry: I’ve got no idea how to get there, though.
Iggy: What about warp pipes?
Larry: Super Mario World isn't exactly famous for them.
Iggy: Couldn't we just try?
Larry: Uh... Okay.
Iggy and Larry
walk into a warp pipe that says "To Sammer's Kingdom", that the other teams
were too distracted to see underneath a large bush.
Team Ball (4th at Route Marker)
Lemmy: All right, I'm back again, and about time, too!
Ludwig: Ztop ztealing lines vrom ve DK Vrap!
Lemmy: I thought I got rid of that accent a while ago.
Ludwig: Just needed a classic novelty joke there...
Lemmy: By the sounds of things, this has GOT to be Sammer's Kingdom.
Ludwig: I'll make an invention that gets us there!
Luigi and Tatanga: HOORAY!
Lemmy: Or, we could go in the warp pipe that says, "To Sammer's Kingdom".
Ludwig: That works, too.
Luigi and Tatanga
slap themselves on the forehead. Carrying their respective sacks of dead
weight, they both dash toward the pipe. However, Tatanga is a lot further
away, so it takes him a lot longer.
Team Muddy (5th at Route Marker)
Petey: All right, we have to get this done!
Boomer: Right!
Petey: Think victory!
Boomer: YEAH!
Petey: Think...
Boomer: The area we have to go to is in another dimension.
Petey: ... We're gunna lose!
Boomer: Wait, couldn't we just do something, like an ancient, shamanistic ritual?
Petey: That's just crazy enough to work!
Petey starts chopping up Mushrooms and Fire Flowers to make a large circle. He then fills the center with goop, and uses red goop to give him and Boomer face paint.
Boomer: YAKKAKAKAKAKAKAKAHOHOWHWOWOWO!
Petey: What he
said...
Team Koopa (6th at Route Marker)
Bowser: Kamek, we're going to lose this if we don't HURRY UP!
Kamek: Understood, my lord. Hm... This sounds like Sammer's Kingdom.
Bowser: Uh... Whozanow?
Kamek: You went there in Super Paper Mario.
Bowser: Oh, you mean the place with the people with the fake swords and frilly dresses and funny names.
Kamek: Riiiiight...
Bowser: Fortunately, you have magic, right?
Kamek: Yes, my lord.
Kamek summons
an interdimensional vortex, which he and Bowser go through. It is a lot
faster than warp pipes.
Team Garlic (Last... PERIOD)
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF NOT BEING IN THIS WHEN WE WERE IN OUR OWN SERIES! I'M SCARED OF THE AUTHOR!
Wario: You weren't this scared in Wario & Waluigi.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF ME NOT BEING SCARED!
Wario: *grumble* Well, how about that, a place that we don't know about.
Waluigi: I'm...
Wario: Don't say it...
Waluigi: All right then... WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Crying, Waluigi runs into the warp pipe to Sammer's Kingdom.
Wario: All right, you're lucky, I'll give you that.
Wario follows.
In Sammer's Kingdom...
Jade Blooper: Here you go.
Larry: Thanks.
Team Head (First at Sammer's Kingdom)
Larry: What's this? a Whomping?
The Dryest Bones: A Whomping is, quite literally, a Whomp stopping you from moving in an extremely painful manner. Whatever team gets there first can stop any other team from progressing for 30 minutes, which is when the Whomp gets off. However, there are only two in the entire race, so it's all about luck on who gets to them first.
Iggy: Who should we stop?
Larry: Who do you find competition?
Both: Lemmy and Ludwig!
The duo take out the picture of Lemmy and Ludwig and stick it into the Whomping box. A Whomp then appears and nods at them, being a little skeptical of how much Iggy looks like Lemmy.
Iggy: And the actual clue is...
Larry: We have to go... to the WARP ZONE?
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now warp out of Sammer's Kingdom and enter the Warp Zone. It is there that they will find their next clue.
Larry: How do we get to the Warp Zone from Sammer's Kingdom?
Iggy: Uh... Mr. Sammer Guy, how do we get to the Warp Zone?
Jade Blooper: King Sammer may be able to help, but you'll have to fight all 100 Sammer Guys to reach him!
Larry: We may not have that kind of time. Then again, the other teams might not either.
Jade Blooper: Then, ENGUARDE!
Larry and Iggy easily defeat Jade Blooper and move onto Hill with Eyes. Meanwhile, Bowser and Kamek drop out of the sky... right onto King Sammer!
King Sammer: How did you get past all 100 Sammer Guys without even a scratch?
Kamek: Luck, skill, and magic.
King Sammer: Well, due to this, I will allow you two to use my portal to the Warp Zone.
Bowser: Awesome. See you, King Stinka!
King Sammer: That's KING SAMMER!
Bowser and Kamek enter the Warp Zone, and are extremely surprised to find another Route Marker!
Kamek: I think we just skipped an entire step.
Bowser: Yeah, how lucky are we?
Kamek: Not so lucky.
Bowser: Why?
Kamek: It's a Pipe Path. Ice or Slice?
The Dryest Bones: In Ice, teams must travel to Ice Land, where they will have to complete a series of terrifyingly long levels to reach Ice Land's Castle. Then, they must defeat a random, snow-based enemy. Afterward, the king will hand them their next clue. This path is a lot longer and harder, but it actually skips an entire Freezie, though the teams won't know that. In Slice, teams will travel to Dark Land, where Saw Blades and Roto-Discs are running amok. Teams must bring five of each to Roy, who will be hanging around a junkyard. He will then hand them their next clue. This path is shorter and less dangerous, but the Freezie will have to be done afterward.
Kamek: What do you think, my lord?
Bowser: Which seems shorter?
Kamek: Probably Slice.
Bowser: Then let's go to Dark Land!
Kamek and Bowser
hop down the pipe to Dark Land. Back in Sammer's Kingdom...
Team Ball (2nd at Sammer's Kingdom)
Lemmy: All right, we just have to... WE GOT WHOMPED?!
Ludwig: It must be Iggy and Larry! They were the only ones ahead of-
The Whomp falls on them
Lemmy: So... much... pain.
Whomp: Just doin'
my job.
Team Mario (3rd at Sammer's Kingdom)
Luigi: What's this Whomp doing here?
Ludwig: I would appreciate it if you GOT OFF!
Mario: THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN!
Luigi: NO MARIO! DON'T...
Mario is already also under the Whomp
Luigi: Mamamia...
I hate my life.
Team ? (4th at Sammer's Kingdom)
Tatanga: All right, so apparently, we have to beat all 100 Sammer Guys to get to the Warp Zone.
The King: ON IT!
The King hits his head on the Whomp, knocking himself out.
Tatanga: This race just gets worse and worse...
Taganga straps The King to his back and starts fighting Jade Blooper. However, since he's not used to the extra weight, he falls on his back... a lot.
Tatanga: This is... IMPOSSIBLE!
Tatanga just gets
angry and hypnotizes Jade Blooper into beating most of the opponents.
Team Garlic (5th at Sammer's Kingdom)
Wario: All right, we just have to beat up some samurai guys...
Wario sees no Sammer Guys in front of him.
Wario: Or not...
Wario drags Waluigi
over his shoulder, following Tatanga, Iggy, and Larry.
Team Muddy (still doing some ritual)
Both: OH ODDBALL SHAMANS OF PAST, WE ASK YOU FOR TELEPORTATION!
Both get teleported to Sammer Guy Gate 50, where Larry and Iggy are fighting.
Ice World the Sammer Guy: Now you get to face the bonus world! Just kidding!
Iggy: What a lame pun.
Larry: What could
be worse...?
At gate 67...
Sammer Guy: TO YOU, I SAY HELLO! MY NAME IS THAT WHICH IS MUSTARD OF DOOM! MY SWORD HAS FURY!
Team Head: NOOOOOOOO!
Iggy and Larry see Petey and Boomer behind them.
Both Teams: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Tatanga, The King, and the Wario Bros. walk behind them.
All Four: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mustard of Doom: My sword cowers in fear, like a puppy at the area which is the vet!
Three of them get headaches from the Fawful-like sentences.
Petey: I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS!
Petey starts chanting incantations.
Mustard of Doom: You are scaring me, like if Ludwig invented the light bulb!
Mustard of Doom freaks out and defeats the other Sammer Guys out of fear, while Petey keeps chanting.
Iggy: He does realize that those incantations do nothing, right?
Boomer hits Petey on the head.
Boomer: Nope.
All four teams
get to King Sammer in this order: Garlic, ?, Head, Muddy. They all also
reach the Warp Zone in that order.
Team Garlic (2nd at Warp Zone)
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF SLICING! AND ICE!
Waluigi runs into the Sky Land pipe.
Wario: Crud.
Wario follows,
and The King wakes up.
Team ? (3rd at Warp Zone)
The King: MAGICAL WONDERMENT!
The King runs into the pipe to Ice Land.
Tatanga: I guess
you chose for us.
Team Head (4th at Warp Zone)
Iggy: This'll be trouble, but I say Ice.
Larry: Why?
Iggy: Maybe Flutter is at the end!
Larry: GOOD THINKING!
Both hop into
the Ice Land pipe.
Team Muddy (5th at Warp Zone)
Petey: All right, I'm done.
Boomer: Since you'll probably freeze in Ice Land, I think that we should go for Slice.
Petey: YEAH!
Both hop in the Dark Land pipe. Meanwhile, Whomp's 30 minutes is up.
Whomp: K, I get off.
Whomp gets off to reveal a crushed Lemmy, a wafer-thin Ludwig, and a slightly thinner Mario.
Luigi: Great, Mario, you've doomed us yet again.
Mario: I WANNA HORSEY RIDE!
Mario somehow gets a Sammer Guy sword and repeatedly hits Luigi with it.
Luigi: Why me?
Luigi carries Mario all the way through the Sammer Kingdom. Meanwhile, Lemmy and Ludwig have restored themselves somehow.
Lemmy: We're probably in last...
Ludwig: I didn't see King Dad and Kamek pass.
Lemmy: You think the Wario Bros. outsmarted them?
Both Koopas think.
Ludwig: Probably. But, I do know a cheat code.
Ludwig and Lemmy walk to Stage 19 and rip apart the floorboards, revealing a Warp Whistle.
Lemmy: Wow, that Sammer Guy REALLY DID have a Warp Whistle!
Sammer Guy 19: CHEATERS!
Ludwig: It's a race.
Sammer Guy 19: Oh, then all right then. By all means.
Lemmy and Ludwig
use the Warp Whistle, sending them to the Warp Zone.
Team Ball (6th at Warp Zone)
Ludwig: Ice or Slice...
Lemmy: Ice, since Ice Land is my land!
Ludwig: Actually, King Dad gave me half.
Lemmy: This land is your land... This land is my land... This challenge was MADE for you and me!
Ludwig: AAH! ELEMENTARY SCHOOL-LEVEL SONG PUN!
Lemmy drags Ludwig to Ice Land. Meanwhile...
King Sammer: IT'S ABOUT TIME, MARIO!
Mario: YIPPEE!
King Sammer: REVENGE!
Luigi: Wait, what did my brother do?
King Sammer: HE DESTROYED MY UNIVERSE!
Luigi: That was Dimentio and Count Bleck.
King Sammer: Yeah... but then he stole my Pure Heart!
Luigi: You were dead at the time, and it seemed logical.
King Sammer: He bores me.
Luigi: He scares me.
King Sammer: *sigh* Fine, pass.
Mario: I'M A HORSEY! YIPPEE!
Mario forces Luigi onto his back and they both make it to the Warp Zone.
Team Mario (Last at Warp Zone)
Mario: YIPPEE! BLADES!
Luigi: NO, MARIO, I THINK THAT MIGHT BE THE...
Mario goes into the pipe to Desert Land
Luigi: ...wrong
pipe.
Team Koopa (Slice Challenge)
Bowser: This shouldn't be too hard. All we have to do is... YEOW!
Bowser shoots up into the sky when a Saw Blade touches him.
Kamek: Perhaps a Roto-disc would be easier.
Kamek tries to grab a Roto-disc. It hits his arm. Feeling nothing, Kamek grabs the disc.
Kamek: See?
Kamek's arm falls off and the disc falls into the ground, disappearing
Kamek: All right, this is harder than I thought.
Bowser: How did Ludwig manage these things?
Kamek: Perhaps my wa... DARN IT!
Bowser: What is it?
Kamek: My wand is in my hand that's on the ground!
Bowser: So?
Kamek: I DROPPED IT ON THE FLOOR! IT'S UNSANITARY!
Bowser: Remind me to kill you later.
Kamek: Yes, my lord.
Bowser picks up the wand and turns the Sawblades into pigs and the Roto-discs into Saw Blades, which also turn into pigs.
Bowser: See, easy as-
All of the pigs run away.
Bowser: Crud.
Kamek: Can I have my arm back now?
Bowser: NO!
Team Garlic (Sky Land)
Wario: Great... THIS ISN'T EVEN ON THE MAP! WAY TO GO, BOZO!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF CLOWN NAMES! ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT ONE MOVIE... WHICH I WAS SCARED OF EVEN BEFORE I KNEW WHAT IT WAS ABOUT, AND I WAS SCARED OF MY KNOWLEDGE! I'M SCARED OF BEING SCARED! I'M SCARED OF BEING! I'M SCARED OF LIFE!
Lakitu: Aren't we all, brother.
Wario: And... Who are you?
Lakitu: Lakitu.
Wario: And what do you do?
Lakitu: Lakitu stuff.
Wario: Does that include cheating?
Lakitu: Are avocadoes a fruit?
Wario: ...
Lakitu: The answer is yes.
Wario: Yes to the fruit, or yes to cheating?
Lakitu: Both.
Wario: YEAH! ... Wait, YOU RUINED THAT SHOW THAT I WAS GOING TO WATCH TONIGHT!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF WATCHES!
Lakitu: So, whatcha need me to get?
Wario: I need you to steal a clue from Ice Land's king.
Lakitu: GOT IT!
Lakitu flies off to Ice Land.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF KINGS!
Wario hits himself
on the forehead.
Team ? (Ice Land)
Tatanga: SPACESHIP! I SUMMON THEE!
Tatanga's spaceship comes. He flies to Ice Land Castle without any problems, even from The Dryest Bones.
The King: WHEEEEE! I WANNA FLY HIGH!
Tatanga: NO! WAIT!
The King presses a button. Tatanga is launched into the atmosphere.
Tatanga: Just perfect...
Both crashland
inside the Woah Zone.
Team Head (Ice Land)
Iggy: All right, so how do we get through Lemmy's Land?
Larry: First, send him a submission...
Iggy writes a submission and sends it to Lemmy.
Meanwhile, in a warp pipe...
Lemmy: Huh? Why did Iggy send me a submission for Lemmy's Land? Oh, he's asking how to get through Ice Land? Uh... "Sleds". There, that should be fine.
Back in Ice Land...
Iggy: Now what?
Larry: He'll give you Koopaling votes...
Iggy: I MEANT ICE LAND!
Larry: HEY! DON'T YELL! It gets feelings hurt, and nothing good ever comes out of it.
Iggy: Wait, Lemmy Emailed me back... Hm... "Sleds". Well then...
Iggy constructs a sled out of cardboard and matchbox cars.
Larry: You stole the Kardboard Kart from CPF's Mushroom Games?
Iggy: Nope, it was just lying on the floor over here.
Larry: Oh.
Larry and Iggy hop on. However, a snail travels faster than they do.
Iggy: TRANSFORM MODE!
Larry: YOU ADDED A TRANSFORM MODE?!
Iggy rips off the sides of the cardboard box, making it go fast.
Larry: How anything
works when The Dryest Bones is typing, I'll never know.
Team Muddy (Dark Land)
Petey: Great... One turns me into a salad, the other burns me to a crisp!
Boomer: Take the Saw Blades. Hold them in the center, and they'll stop.
Petey: How do you know all this?
Boomer: I took an advanced course in weapon deficiencies in Koopa Kollege.
Petey: Better idea.
Petey spews out a Goop Piranha, which stops 10 Saw Blades and 10 Roto-discs in their tracks.
Boomer: Good, now just take these to the junkyard...
Petey hits the Goop Piranha. It tosses Petey, Boomer, and 5 of each weapon to the junkyard.
Roy: All right, you two aren't as bad as Boom Boom thought... WHICH MEANS I GET 200 COINS, YES!
Boomer: People are GAMBLING on this race?
Roy: Yep, I have the scoresheet right here.
Roy pulls out a scoresheet with the current odds:
Team Ball: 3-to-1
chance
Team Koopa: 5-to-1
chance
Team Head: 9-to-1
chance
Team Muddy: 21-to-1
chance
Team Garlic:
79-to-1 chance
Team ?: 1257-to-1
chance
Team Mario: 4514904519830959478917063145207857432-to-1
chance
Petey: The author just typed random numbers for Team Mario, right?
Roy: Pretty much. Anyway, here's your clue.
Petey: Thank... Oh no.
Boomer: What is... Oh no.
Both: DUMB FREEZIE CHALLENGE!
The Dryest Bones: In this stu… I mean dum... I mean, advancedly well thought-out Freezie challenge, teams must travel to Bowser's Castle. They must then get to Kammy, who is at the back of the castle. If they somehow survive, they must do the most complicated challenge I could think of: Rock, Paper, Scissors made as Mario, Bowser, Peach. If they fail, they must do the castle all over again. If they defeat Kammy in a best-of-three match, they will find their next clue.
Boomer: Me?
Petey: Yeah, you.
Boomer: All right.
Boomer walks twelve
inches to Bowser's Castle
Team Ball (Ice Land)
Lemmy: I HAVE THE POWER! OF ICE LAND!
Lemmy raises his ball over his head. He and Ludwig are suddenly inside a giant mobile ball fortress of ice.
Ludwig: Why didn't you use this against Mario?
Lemmy: Because if I did, then King Dad would win, and then we'd have to play Super Luigi games, which no one would buy because Luigi would yell at them in-game.
Ludwig: Good plan.
Lemmy and Ludwig easily make it through Ice Land in three seconds.
Abomasnow: ABOM!
Ludwig: A Pokemon?
Lemmy: It's... ugly.
Lemmy is about to squish it when...
Misty Koopa: POKEMON ARE PEOPLE, TOO!
Lemmy: I know, I'm just in a race.
Misty: Oh, then by all means...
Lemmy launches the Abomasnow into a forest.
Ice King: Here is your clue!
Lemmy: OOH! WE GET TO GO TO ROLF'S! AND THEN THE PITSTOP!
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to Rolf's Shop in Toad Town. It is there that he will hand them a ticket to the Star Carnival. Afterward, teams must travel to the Star Carnival, the Pitstop for this leg of the race!
Ludwig: Let's go!
Lemmy: Since it'll melt, we have to leave the Ice Fortress behind.
Ludwig: All right then.
Lemmy and Ludwig
run off.
Team Mario (completely hopeless... I mean, Desert Land)
Luigi: Thanks a lot, Mario... There's no way we can win the race now!
Mario: I SEE A HIPPO!
Mario rides on Morton Koopa Jr's back.
Morton: GET OFF OF ME, LEAVE MY BACK, MY SPINE, MY BACKWARDS AREA, THE AREA BEHIND ME-
Luigi: Great, two idiots...
Mario: I LIKE WORDS!
Morton: Me too, also, in addition to!
Luigi: Can we have voice editing?
Morton: (in a clearly edited voice) Let me fly you to Toad Town so you can refresh your body and soul, or whatever.
Mario: I WISH I WAS AN EWOK!
Luigi: They'd reject you and feed you to the empire.
Mario: YIPPEE!
Luigi: *sigh* Let's get this over with.
Mario and Luigi
hop on an overly-thrilled Morton's doomship, Toad Town bound!
Team Koopa (Dark Land)
Kamek: Seriously, I want my hand back.
Bowser: You haven't given me one good reason to give it back yet!
Kamek: For the 129th time, WE'LL LOSE IF YOU DON'T!
Bowser: But where's my motivation?
Kamek: Forget it!
Kamek raises a Saw Blade over his head with his good hand.
Bowser: No need to be hasty...
Kamek throws it...
Bowser: AAAH!
...at a lemon.
Bowser: Phew...
Which squirts in Bowser's eye
Bowser: OWIE! FINE!
Bowser tosses Kamek his arm. Magically, it becomes grafted to his body.
Kamek: All right, I think we should take the ones that are already gooped to the ground.
Bowser: Nah, I think the angry ones wielded by the Bowser haters would be easier.
Kamek: -_-
Kamek uses magic to pick up the discs and saws he needs, and Bowser, and drops them all in a pile of junk.
Roy: You sure that's all junk?
Kamek: Junk to me.
Roy: Well, here's your clue...
Kamek: Hm... LORD BOWSER! I NEED YOUR HELP!
Bowser appears with a mask, a cape, and a false mustache.
Bowser: I'M SUPER KOOPA 2.0!
Kamek: UGH! Just go to your castle and torture Kammy.
Bowser: You mean do what I do every day?
Kamek: Pretty much.
Bowser walks in. Five seconds later, he walks out with the clue.
Kamek: Lemme read that. *quickly scans* WE'RE GOING TO THE PITSTOP, BABY!
Bowser: Hm… But it says we need tickets.
Kamek magically makes forgeries.
Bowser: Awesome...
Kamek: LET'S GO!
Bowser and Kamek
storm off.
Team Garlic (Sky Land)
Lakitu finally returns.
Wario: WHAT TOOK YOU?!
Lakitu: I went on Gamefaqs.
Wario: Ah.
Lakitu: Here you are! One clue!
Lakitu hands Waluigi a blue pawprint.
Wario: What?
Waluigi: BLUE'S CLUES! BLUE'S CLUES! I'M SCARED OF BLUE'S CLUES!
Audience: BLUE'S CLUES! YEAH!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF YEAH!
Wario: -_-
Lakitu: Well, bye!
Lakitu leaves.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF LEAVING!
Waluigi runs to the Star Carnival. Wario sadly follows. However, they are surprised to see both MC Ballyhoo and The Dryest Bones at the entrance.
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: Team Garlic, you're Team Number One!
Wario: OH MY DAD, SOMEHOW WE DID IT!
The Dryest Bones: Now, may I see your tickets?
Wario: Er... Tickets?
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF TICKETS! I GET THEM, AND THEN I GO TO JAIL, WHICH I'M SCARED OF!
The Dryest Bones: You don't have tickets from Rolf's Shop, do you?
Wario: Uh... no.
The Dryest Bones: No tickets, no finish.
Wario: NEW RECORD! For idiocy.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF IDIOCY!
Wario: It's all right... We'll just order the tickets online.
Wario pulls out a laptop.
Wario: All right, they'll be here in an hour. All we can do now is hope.
Waluigi: BUT I'M SCARED OF HOPE! I always lose it...
Wario: Wow, that was dark.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED
OF DARKNESS!
Team ? (The Woah Zone)
Tatanga: We're doomed. AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!
The King: YAY! PIGGY BANK!
The King tries to pry apart a Hogarithm. Squirps appears.
Squirps: GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!
Squirps makes a Squarp Hole and warps Tatanga and The King to Kammy Koopa.
Kammy: AHAH! TEAM ?! I assume you're going to play our challenge-related game of Mario-Bowser-Peach?
Tatanga: Uh...
The King: YAY!
Tatanga: NOOOOOOO!
The King pulls out his own puppet instead of a Mario, Peach, or Bowser puppet. Kammy pulls out Bowser.
Kammy: AHAH! THE KING OF SURRENDERING!
Kammy locks both in the dungeon.
Kammy: Good luck getting out!
Boomer walks into the room, badly beaten, bruised, burnt, and cut.
Boomer: HOW MANY TRAPS ARE IN THIS PLACE?!
Kammy: 3,851,572,992,723,457,324,4245.65.
Boomer: And you don't use these against Mario... why?
Kammy: You really want Super Luigi games?
Boomer: Point taken.
Kammy: LET'S GO! MARIO, PEACH, BOWSER!
Boomer easily wins by always picking the Mario puppet, as Kammy is honor-bound to pick the Bowser puppet.
Kammy: CURSES! HERE IS YOUR CLUE!
Boomer: ... PITSTOP, BABY!
Boomer jumps out of a window.
Kammy: Should I have told him that is the Lair of the Chain Chomps?
Horrible screaming is heard
Kammy: Oh... He figured it out already.
After many more minutes of chomping torment, Boomer makes it to Petey.
Petey: BOOMER! YOU LOOK LIKE SOMETHING THE CAT DRAGGED IN, ATE, SPAT BACK OUT, ATE AGAIN, SPAT OUT AGAIN, CLAWED, FRIED, HAD LUNCH WITH, AND PILEDRIVED INTO AN EIGHT TON BLOCK OF... BLOCK!
Boomer: No comment... Just go to... Rolf's Shop.
Boomer faints.
Petey: I'LL DO IT!
Petey flies away.
Team Head (Ice Land Castle)
Giant Snowman: YODELYODELYODELLAYHEHOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Iggy: UGH!
Larry and Iggy pelt the giant snowman with fireballs until it melts.
Larry: Now, where's our clue?
Ice King: We have to play "Blue's Clues" to find out! I love that game!
Larry: Well I DON'T!
Larry forcibly hits the Ice King into a gorge. A letter flies into his hands.
Larry: (reading) And, at the time of my death I hereby give my entire kingdom to... DON PATCH?!
Larry crosses Don Patch's name out and replaces it with "Larry Koopa".
Larry: One more land for me...
Iggy: Back on topic... The clue says we go to the Star Carnival after we get tickets.
Larry: Oh, to the Star Carnival?
Iggy: Yeah.
Larry: Well, I happen to have two tickets right here!
Iggy: Why?
Larry: I'm a spokesperson for Plantco, where the plants go.
Iggy: I won't ask, but let's go.
Larry and Iggy
run off, like oh so many teams before them
Teams Muddy and Mario (At Rolf's Shop)
Team Muddy and Luigi: HEY! HOW'D YOU GET HERE!
Mario: WHEE! MUSHROOMS ARE TASTY!
Mario eats a flower.
Wise Wisterwood: DON'T GET IN MY CHILDREN'S GRILLS, YO!
Mario: Deadwood...
Wise Wisterwood gets sad and goes into a coma
Mario: ...is cool!
Rolf: Just take the tickets and GET OUTTA MY LIFE!
Rolf gives them all tickets and shoots them away with a TNT barrel.
Rolf: Yet another customer served.
Link appears.
Link: My doctor said to pick out a straightjacket.
Navi: HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN!
Rolf: I perfectly understand...
Lemmy and Ludwig also come.
Rolf: TICKETS, BYE!
Rolf gives them tickets and hits them with a crate of Nitro. They fly much faster and make it to the Star Carnival first.
The Dryest Bones: Ludwig and Lemmy... Somehow, against all odds...
Ludwig: Oh no...
The Dryest Bones: You're Team Number One... again.
Both: HOORAY!
The Dryest Bones: And you get...
Both: Yeah, yeah?
The Dryest Bones: ALL YOU CAN EAT OF POISON MUSHROOMS AND DANGEROUS DELIGHTS! IT'S WONDERFUL!
Both: Crud.
Team Garlic (outside the carnival)
Wario: 2 more minutes...
Bowser and Kamek pass him and make it to the Star Carnival
MC Ballyhoo: THOSE TICKETS ARE FAKE!
Bowser: How'd you know?
The Dryest Bones: You just told him.
Kamek: Crud, I never thought he'd be able to think of a plan so elaborate.
The Dryest Bones: I ripped it off of Dr. Eggman.
Bowser: Makes sense.
Rolf's truck appears.
Kamek: All right then...
Kamek gives the truck a flat tire, causing the two tickets to spill out... right into Bowser and Kamek's hands!
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: Bowser and Kamek... you're Team Number Two!
Both: FROM SIXTH TO SECOND, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD!
Bowser: We should've done better.
Kamek: If you had given me my arm earlier, we would've!
Bowser: But it was funny. "OH, THE AGONY! OH, IT HURTS SO BAD! GIVE ME BACK MY ARM!" HA!
Kamek: Must... control... anger.
Meanwhile...
Rolf Jr: Sorry Wario, I don't have your tickets. I'll get you a new pair in 30 more minutes!
Wario: I'm doomed.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF DOOMED!
Wario: Maybe we'll
get lucky...
Team ? (In Bowser's Dungeon)
Tatanga: I wonder what we can do now.
The King: FRENCH FRIES!
Suddenly, Kammy drops a laser, a clue, and two tickets to the Star Carnival.
Tatanga: WOW! THIS IS EVERYTHING WE NEED TO GET TO THE END! Wait... Why are you helping us, Kammy?
Kammy: I was bored, and wanted to see what happened.
Tatanga: The second amendment of villainy… Nnice.
Tatanga frees
himself and The King. They rush toward the Star Carnival. Meanwhile...
Team Mario (flying)
The team land right next to the Star Carnival
Luigi: HURRY MARIO! THE END'S IN SIGHT!
Mario: COTTON CANDY!
Mario jumps over MC Ballyhoo and The Dryest Bones.
Luigi: We're here.
The Dryest Bones: Actually, both team members have to be on the mat before me when they finish. Mario never touched it. Get him.
Luigi: Crud.
Luigi runs after
Mario, who is going crazy by causing the Ztar machine to attack People.
Team Muddy (falling)
Both members of Team Muddy fall onto the mat.
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: Petey and Boomer... you're Team Number Three!
Petey: THIRD! WHOOOO!
Boomer: WE'RE GOING UP IN THE WORLD!
Iggy and Larry then come running up to the mat.
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: Is that all you say?
Mc Ballyhoo: I have to say it to every guest, or Big Top eats my brain.
The Dryest Bones: Oh... I'm sorry. Well, Larry and Iggy, you're Team Number Four.
Larry: We went DOWN?!
Iggy: Lemmy and Ludwig WON?!
The Dryest Bones: I know, it's a shocker for us all... except me, of course. I know everything!
Iggy: Where do babies come from?
The Dryest Bones: I'm not allowed to talk about it. Or else the Government of the Undead will arrest me. Not after what I did to Lisa...
Iggy: *gulp*
A mob drags Mario and Luigi onto the mat.
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: I regret it, but Mario and Luigi, you're Team Number Five.
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Luigi: No, Mario. Five is- Oh what's the use?
Suddenly, both the Rolf truck and Team ? appear upon the horizon inside Wario's vision.
Wario: WE'RE GOING TO LOSE UNLESS YOU HURRY UP, TRUCK!
Being a truck, it gets there much faster than Tatanga.
Wario: *phew*
Rolf Jr: I just need you to sign a form.
Wario pulls out a pen faster than the speed of light.
Rolf Jr: Sign here, here, here, here, and here.
Wario signs quickly. Tatanga and The King are almost at arm’s length, when The King trips over a bug.
Wario: Let's go, Waluigi!
Wario throws Waluigi and himself toward the map.
The Dryest Bones: It looks like Team Garlic has this final stretch all wrapped up.
Tatanga: NOOOO!
Suddenly, the entire world except for Tatanga and The King goes in slow-motion. Wario slow-motionly cries.
Tatanga: I CAN STILL WIN THIS!
The Wario Bros. and Team ? slowly approach the mat. And, with his last-minute upset...
MC Ballyhoo: WELCOME TO THE STAR CARNIVAL!
The Dryest Bones: Do you believe in miracles?
Tatanga... Find out what happens after these commercial messages!
*Start commercial*
Mario: WHEE! SOCCER BALL!
Bowser: I'LL DESTROY YOU! IN EUROPEAN FOOTBALL!
Bowser sets the ball on fire and hits Mario with it, knocking him into a goal.
Bowser: YOU WANNA BE TOUGH?!
DK suddenly clobbers Bowser in the head and scores 17 goals on him.
DK: Buy Mario Strikers: Charged today! WOOHOO!
*End commercial*
The Dryest Bones: And... with their last minute upset…
*Drum Roll*
The Dryest Bones: Team ?...
*Louder drum roll*
The Dryest Bones: has...
*Even louder drum roll*
The Dryest Bones: ...!
MC Ballyhoo: OH NO! HE FORGOT HOW TO TALK AGAIN!
Everyone: WE KNOW YOU'RE FAKING, SO GET ON WITH IT!
The Dryest Bones: Team ? has been eliminated from the race. Team Garlic, you're Team Number Six.
Wario: YES! OH, DEAR, SWEET DAD, THANK YOU!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF DAD!
Wario: Then you'll go to The Underwhere when your game ends.
Waluigi: I'm suddenly not scared of him.
Tatanga: WHAT?! HOW?!
The Dryest Bones: The fans didn't like you. Now, get offa my reality show!
The Dryest Bones hits Tatanga and The King with darts. The darts then explode, sending them into the air
The King: FRENCH! FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!
The Dryest Bones: And that concludes Leg 6 of The Amushroom Race, with probably the most heated ending evah! Now, let's look at that scoreboard!
1st: Lemmy and
Ludwig (Team Ball)
2nd: Bowser and
Kamek (Team Koopa)
3rd: Petey and
Boomer (Team Muddy)
4th: Iggy and
Larry (Team Head)
5th: Mario and
Luigi (Team Mario)
6th: Wario and
Waluigi (Team Garlic)
ELIMINATED: Tatanga
and The King (Team ?)
ELIMINATED: Goomboss
and Chief Chilly (Team 64)
HOSPITALIZED:
Yoshi and Birdo (Team Egg)
HALF NON-EXISTANT:
King Boo and Princess Shroob (Team Tyrant)
ELIMINATED: Rudy
and Bogmire (Team SCREAM)
ELIMINATED: Peach
and Toad/Fawful/Morton (Team Puff)
ELIMINATED: Wart
and Shy Guy (Team Bubble)
ELIMINATED: Boolosus
and Giant Dry Bones (Team Big)
The Dryest Bones: Will the Wario Bros. ever get out of last place? How will losing one of the most random members of the race affect the ratings? How is Kamek's arm? Will Lemmy and Ludwig remain the fan favorites and take home the gold? Or will something else happen? Until Leg 7, I'm The Dryest Bones.
Lord Crump: I'm Lord Crump.
MC Ballyhoo: I'M MC BALLYHOO!
Pikachu: PIKA! PIKA!
The Dryest Bones: AND WE'LL SEE YOU ALL NEXT TIME! KEEP ON RACING!
To Be Continued...
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