Leg 8
The Dryest Bones: WELCOME TO ANOTHER DEEP-FRIED EPISODE OF THE AMUSHROOM RACE! This week will prove to be just like all of the others, and then, THE RACE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! Or, it'll just freak you out. Whatever happens first. But now, here's the recently-derapped Lord Crumpet with the recap!
Lord Crumpet: I HATE THAT!
The Dryest Bones: You mean that's not your name?!
Lord Crump: JUST LET ME UPDATE, FOOL!
The Dryest Bones: You don't have to be so mean about it...
Lord Crump: *sigh* Well, Team Garlic got to the pitstop by a deranged miracle. Iggy and Larry got lucky for taking credit for one of Kamek's mighty meals, solidifying them a place in not-last. Petey and Boomer were just insanely lucky last time that they could simply mooch off other teams to get into second place. And Team Ball kept out of last by a freak miracle involving Lemmy skydiving after being shot milliseconds before Team Koopa finished. Oh, and Kamek has been jailed for his so-called "lethal taco combo".
In a courthouse...
Kamek: I believe the name speaks for itself. Plus, they were probably Iggy's.
Phoenix Wright: I OBJECT!
Judge: Overruled. I find Kamek guilty as charged.
Kamek: WHAT?!
Back on Thunder Island...
The Dryest Bones: So you're saying that this is just a game of luck?
Lord Crump: Is any other gameshow anything else?
The Dryest Bones: Point taken. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER! Team Garlic, so far ten hours ahead of the rest of the pack, will leave immediately.
Team Garlic - First at Route Marker
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF THE ROUTE MARKER!
Wario: Well, at least your injuries healed and I can look at you with a straight face... WELL WHADYA KNOW?! DIAMOND CITY!
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to Wario's hometown of Diamond City. It is there that they will find their next clue.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF DIAMONDS!
Wario: So you have Pokemon Pearl?
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF POKEMON! But, yes, I do.
Wario: All right then. WE'RE HOMEWARD BOUND!
Wario and Waluigi walk off into the sunset. Those animals from Homeward Bound are chasing them for messing up their good name.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF THAT MOVIE!
Wario: KEEP RUNNING!
Wario and Waluigi are running from the dogs, some cats, a giant truck, the New York Yankees, and one really angry tourist.
Waluigi: SO WHERE'S THE SUPER SCARY CLUE?!
Wario: Woah... Is that the first sentence you've said that's been coherent to this entire race? Not that I know what coherent means, of course.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF YOUR PUNY KNOWLEDGE!
Wario: PUNY?! WHY YOU LITTLE!
Wario strangles Waluigi. Sadly, this drives Waluigi to the hospital. The others are so scared that they leave.
Wario: What's wrong with him, Doctor?
Dr. Freezegood: Well, I'd say that YOU STRANGLING HIM FOR TWO HOURS did something about it! Also, I'm melting. Could you get me an ice pack?
Wario: GET YOUR OWN!
Dr. Freezegood: He could be in a coma for life.
Wario: NO! WE'RE IN A RACE!
Dr. Freezegood: All right, fine, we'll actually TREAT HIM!
Dr. Freezegood causes Waluigi to move with ice powers.
Waluigi: WHAAAAA! WHERE AM I?! I'M SCARED OF AM!
Wario: LET'S GO!
Dr. Freezegood: Well, it might be a while before Waluigi can move again, so I'd say you two better not until the rest of the people in the race get to Diamond City, under penalty of death.
Everyone: NOOOOO! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Team Muddy - Second at Route Marker
Boomer: All right, now that I'm over my fear of exploding mallards in the sky, let's get to work!
Petey: We're going to Diamond City.
Boomer: AAH! THE TOMORROW HILL SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW!
Petey: AAH! MINE TOO! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO BRING THAT UP?!
Boomer: Just forget it. Let's just go.
Petey: BUT I CAN'T FORGET THAT SONG!
Boomer: Look, let's just go. TAXI!
Dribble's taxi pulls over.
Petey: You're right... I should forget about that song.
Dribble: Mind if I turn on the radio?
The Tomorrow Hill song is on the radio.
Team Muddy: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Dribble: Oh yeah, gotta love Tomorrow Hill!
Team Head - 3rd at Route Marker
Larry: All right, no more games, Iggy. Now, we have to be serious.
Iggy: RIGHT!
Larry: Because he favors everyone but the Wario Bros. more than us, the author is likely to try to kick us out this week.
Iggy: RIGHT!
Larry: And are we going to take it?
Iggy: RIGHT!
Larry: -_-
Iggy: I mean, NO!
Larry: THEN ONWARD! TO VICTORY!
Larry throws a grappling hook onto the back of Dribble's cab. They keep going, seeing Petey and Boomer hitting their heads against the window.
Iggy: Wow, that taxi driver must be crazy.
Inside the cab...
Team Muddy: AAAAH! SUN SHINING THROUGH MY WINDOW! IT FEELS LIKE, SO BROKEN AND SO SWEET YOU CAN ALMOST TASTE IT!
Dribble: What is WRONG with you guys?
Petey: We can't get the song out of our heads! IT DRIVES US MAD!
Boomer: The music, that is.
Dribble: Oh. Carry on.
Team Muddy: DRIVING THROUGH DIAMOND CITY! I WANNA ESCAPE THE CROWDS AND CONCRETE ROADS WHERE THE HILL AND SKY MEET!
Outside...
Larry: Woah, that looks CRAZY!
Team Mario - 4th at Route Marker
Luigi: All right Mario, since we're actually close to winning this thing, I've decided to try again. ARE YOU WITH ME?!
Mario: VAMINOS!
Luigi: THAT'S THE SPIRIT... Wait.
Luigi sees that Mario is watching Dora the Explorer
Mario: THE BARN IS THAT WAY! THAT WAY! YOU CALL YOURSELF AN EXPLORA?!
Luigi: Oh brother...
Mario: CHEESE!
Luigi: Should NOT have said that. Well, we have to get to Diamond...
Mario is in the line at an E. Gadd Games store for Pokemon Diamond
Luigi: ...City. Aw... crud.
Luigi sadly gets in line too.
Team Ball - Last at Route Marker
Lemmy: What? No last PERIOD?
The tourists would get mad if I put that.
Lemmy: Fair enough.
Ludwig: BROTHER! WE HAVE TO GO TO DIAMOND CITY!
Lemmy: Alrighty then. LET'S RIDE!
Ludwig: Ride what?
Lemmy: THIS!
Lemmy presses a button. Suddenly, another taxi cab drops from the sky.
Cabbie: Where to?
Lemmy: Diamond City.
Ludwig: Wait... If we're on an island, then how are cabs able to take us places?
Cabbie: Didn't you hear? They finished the bridge to here two days ago!
Luigi: WHAT?!
Cabbie: LET'S GO!
Lemmy and Ludwig drive out.
Teams Garlic, Muddy, and Head - All at Diamond City
The taxi cab pulls up in front of the hospital. Wario and Waluigi walk out just as everyone strolls out of the cab.
Petey: IIIII KNOW TOMMOROW'S JUST RIGHT-
Boomer: UP AT THE TOP OF THE HILL!
Wario: Freaks.
Petey: HEY! YOUR DUMB-SOUNDING VOICE MADE THE BAD MUSIC GO AWAY!
Boomer: THANKS!
Wario: OUTTA MY WAY!
Wario shoves Petey inside a trash can. However...
Wario: Uh... Where's the clue?
Larry: You know, I have no idea. I just realized that the clue didn't specify the coordinates of the clue's location.
Wario: AAH! BIG WORDS HURT WARIO'S BRAIN!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF BRAINS!
Wario: Which is why you don't have one.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF ONE! IT'S ALMOST AS SCARY AS SEVEN! WHAAAAAAA!
Larry: So... we just randomly run around looking for clues?
Iggy: That's the plan.
Larry: LET'S GO!
Larry and Iggy run around the block, and then stop when they see each other.
Larry: This is IMPOSSIBLE!
Iggy: I KNOW! We're not actually supossed to run in this episode! It's supossed to be about taxis!
Larry: Good point. TAXI!
Dribble picks Larry and Iggy up and drives them around town.
Wario: FOLLOW THAT DAWG!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MAD STREET SKILLS, YO!
Wario: That makes no sense whatsoever... but that's never stopped us before!
Wario uses Waluigi as a catapult and launches himself onto the cab. Out of fear, Waluigi grabs on. Both land... in the street.
Wario: GAAAH! THE PAVEMENT BURNS!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MY NEW BLISTERS!
A truck hits the Wario Bros, launching them inside the cab.
Dribble: HEY! PAY THE FARE BEFORE YOU RIDE, FREELOADERS!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF FREE!
Wario: How about these guys pay tripple?
Iggy and Larry: WHAT?!
Dribble: Meh, fair enough.
Iggy and Larry: We repeat, WHAT?!
Team Ball - 4th at Diamond City
Lemmy: Alright, now... Where do we go?
Ludwig: Uh... I'm not really sure.
Lemmy: Well, let's just go.
Lemmy rolls right into the clue box.
Lemmy: Wow, who knew it was right here at the taxi stop!
Ludwig: All of the clues are here... You think that Iggy and Larry didn't get here by taxi?
Lemmy: Possibly, but let's pick up the clue.
Ludwig opens the clue
Ludwig: It's a Pipe Path: Volt or Bolt.
The Dryest Bones: In Volt, teams must travel to 9-Volt's house. It is there that they must defeat 9-Volt and 18-Volt in a random four-player game. After the Volt Bros' defeat, they will find their next clue. If the team isn't Garlic or Mario, they should finish quickly.
Lord Crump: Biased much?
The Dryest Bones: THAT'S NOT THE POINT! Anyway, in Bolt, teams must travel to Ashley's mansion. It is there that they must help her with magical abilities. Unfortunately, their job is target practice. If they can dodge over half of Ashley's lightning bolts, she will hand them their next clue. This could be nearly impossible, or it could be very easy. It all depends on speed.
Lemmy: Volt. You don't stand a chance with Ashley.
Ludwig: Of cour- HEY!
Lemmy: NO TALK! JUST GO!
Lemmy and Ludwig start running. However, they realize...
Ludwig: Which way is 9-Volt's house?
Lemmy: I dunno. It's somewhere around here.
Lemmy and Ludwig are on the other side of town.
Ludwig: Hm... Well, maybe we should look for the directory.
Lemmy: All right.
The two Koopalings start wandering randomly.
Team Muddy - Trash Can
Boomer: A ONE, AND A TWO, AND A THREEEEEEEEEE!
Boomer yanks Petey out of the trash can.
Petey: Woah... It WAS dark in there!
Boomer: Yeah, totally.
Petey: All right, let's go.
Boomer: ... Where?
Petey: Uh... The clue box is right there behind you.
Boomer: I wonder why no one notices that... Ah well.
Team Muddy - Second at Route Marker
Petey: Uh... Bolt?
Boomer: After Booster Tower, nothing could be scary. Plus, you can't hold a controller.
Petey: CURSE YOU, LEAVES!
Boomer: All right, so let's just walk around.
Petey and Boomer easily find Ashley's house. However...
Petey: The gate's locked.
Boomer: And that's a problem because... why?
Petey: I'm not touching it! It's glowing red!
Boomer: EEP! THAT LOOKS PAINFUL!
Petey: Let's just wait for someone else.
Boomer: Yeah, totally.
Team Mario - In Line for Pokemon Diamond
Luigi: The game came out three months ago... I wonder why the lines are so long.
Guy Standing in Line: What are you talking about? This is the Line Ride! A ride that simulates an actual line!
Luigi: WHAT?!
Luigi sees that the line stretches behind the store. Mario is hitting people in the head, then cutting behind them.
Guy Standing in Line: SECURITY!
Mario and Luigi get thrown out of the Line Ride... right onto a plane to Diamond City.
Teams Garlic, Head, and Mario - Diamond City Airport
A plane crashes in front of Wario's Cab. Both teams hop out.
Wario: Woah, what happened in here?
Mario: I'M-A MARIO!
Wario: Oh... That happened.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF STUFF HAPPENING! LIKE SENTENCES! WHICH I'M STILL SCARED OF!
Wario: Oh, for the love of...
Wario sits down on a bench. However, that's the bench in front of the clue box!
Wario: Woah, talk about lucky!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF LUCK! ESPECIALLY SINCE WE ALWAYS HAVE IT SERVED WITH BADNESS!
Everyone: -_-
Waluigi: WHAAAAA! FACES!
Mario: CHEESE!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF CHEESE!
Waluigi randomly runs into Ashley's fence. He passes through it and barges through the door.
Petey: 0.0 The fence didn't exist the whole time?
Boomer: IT WAS A TRICK! LET'S GO!
Petey and Boomer run in.
Wario: HEY! WAIT FOR WARIO! HE'S AWESOME!
Wario also runs in, having no idea what's going on.
Iggy: Definately Volt.
Larry: Why not Bolt?
Iggy: You're used to it. I'm not.
Larry: I know. We can thank Roy's electric chair for that. But, let's just go to the video game nerd's house.
Iggy: Fort Francis?
Larry: No, the OTHER one.
Iggy: All right, let's go. TO THE IGGY BLIMP!
Iggy gets a giant blimp and flies off in it.
Larry: Where'd you get this?
Iggy: King Dad's Aircraft Bay.
Larry: Ah. So THAT'S why he grounded Roy when Roy was sick in bed...
Luigi: All right, so Bolt?
Mario is already at 9-Volt's house. This is obvious because there's a trail of red paint that says "To 9-Volt's House" scribbled with Mario's face on it.
Luigi: Of course...
Team Ball - Volt Challege
9 and 18-Volt: SUPER SMASH BROTHERS... MELEEEEEEEEEEE!
Lemmy: You don't have Brawl yet?
9-Volt: Unlike Count Bleck, we can't make new games appear out of thin air.
Ludwig: Oh well. I guess we'll never know if we're in it... until December 3rd, 2007! Celebrate the day, everybody!
18-Volt: LET'S JUST PLAY!
Kirby (Lemmy)
and Ganondorf (Ludwig)
VS
Mario (9-Volt)
and Luigi (18-Volt)
Ready... GO!
Five stocks later...
Kirby: HIIIIIIIII!
GAME! And the winner is... KIRBY!
Lemmy: You are SO lucky that I'm slightly good with Kirby, Ludwig!
Ludwig: HOW SHOULD I KNOW THAT GANONDORF DIDN'T AUTOMATICALLY ATTACK?! HE DID IN THE OTHER GAMES!
9-Volt: Because you had a controller... Well, here's your clue.
Ludwig: NO! I must master the Ganondorf.
Lemmy: But... fine, I'll play too.
Lemmy and Ludwig hog up the GameCube, with Lemmy just thrashing Ludwig pathetically.
Ludwig: WHY WON'T THE A BUTTON LET ME JUMP?!
Lemmy: -_-
Teams Muddy and Garlic - Bolt Challenge
Ashley: LET THERE BE LIGHTNING!
Petey gets struck by lightning.
Petey: AAH! IT BURNS! WHY ARE NO CHALLENGES PLANT-SAFE?!
Ashley: Copy and Paste Attack Here!
Wario barely avoids a lightning bolt.
Ashley: ...
Boomer easily reflects a lightning bolt.
Boomer: Please, that was hardly a-
While Boomer is bragging, he gets struck by lightning
Boomer: HEY!
Waluigi and Wario laugh at Boomer. They also get struck.
Ashley: RESET!
Waluigi: BUT I'M SCARED OF WHATEVER THAT IS!
Ashley: You all get another try...
Waluigi: BUT I'M SCARED OF EFFORT!
Waluigi frantically runs around as Wario gets hit several times. Boomer is able to reflect many bolts with his trusty boomerang, and Petey is holding onto Waluigi's head, making him actually run faster and hopefully avoiding getting hit.
Ashley: All right, you all dodged the first ten, sans the fat one... SO ONLY 990 MORE!
Petey, Wario, and Boomer: WHAT?!
Wario gets hit by lightning again. Petey loses his grip, so he starts running around too.
Wario: HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
Wario gets hit again.
Ashley: Curse of the author...
Wario: I'm beginning to hate this guy for featuring my awesomeness...
Teams Mario and Head - Volt Challenge
Ludwig: I finally get it now...
Lemmy: All right, so will you PLEASE stop jumping off of cliffs and let us get back to the race?
Ludwig: All right.
Lemmy: Ok. Now we have to go to... er, that place from Super Mario Sunshine with Petey Piranha!
Ludwig: Why don't you remember Bianco Hills?
Lemmy: HEY! After you play as many games as I do and remember oh so many submissions, things tend to slip away sometimes!
Ludwig: All right.
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel...
Lemmy: WE GET IT! GO!
Lemmy and Ludwig run out onto Tomorrow Hill extremely fast.
The Dryest Bones: HEY! I like Tomorrow Hill...
Mario breaks down the door with a Game & Watch.
9-Volt: NO! YOU WASTED A VERY AWESOME PIECE OF MACHINERY!
Mario: I'm-a Mario!
9-Volt: Yes, yes you are. SO WE PLAY MARIO PARTY 3, DUEL MODE, ONE-ON ONE!
Iggy and Larry run in, Luigi following them.
Iggy: 9-VOLT! WE CHALLENGE YO... Aw crud, we're late!
18-Volt: Actually, you can still play against me in Mario Kart 64!
Iggy: Do you want to, or do you want me?
18-Volt: Heh, I'm so perfect, both of you can play!
Both Koopalings: ALL RIGHT!
Mario is facing 9-Volt with a character he chose at random: Wario. 9-Volt is using Yoshi.
9-Volt: Prepare to lose to Yoshi and Boo!
Mario: I'm-a Bob-omb!
Three turns later...
9-Volt is down to his last 3 stamina. Boo is gone, as is Mario's Bob-omb. However, Mario's character has both Baby Bowser and Whomp in a correct defensive to offensive establishment.
9-Volt: BUT HOW?!
Luigi: He got insanely lucky on a Game Guy game, destroyed part of your HP with Bob-omb, took another away with a ? Space, and used another ? Space to get Whomp AND Baby Bowser. Thus, you are here.
9-Volt: BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR! THAT'S IT! GAMESHARK!
9-Volt tries to hack the game through Gameshark. However...
Mario: I like-a the green button!
While 9-Volt is hacking, a virtual Bowser completely destroys Yoshi.
Millenium Star: WARIO IS THE WINNER!
9-Volt: WHAT?!
Mario: I'm-a Wario!
Luigi: No, you're-a idiot! Clue please.
9-Volt: *sob* HERE! TAKE IT! JUST GO AND LEAVE ME TO MY DOOMED FUTURE OF BEING A GAMING LOSER! *sob*
Luigi: Okay.
9-Volt: EVIL! *sob*
Luigi: O...k... Let's go to Bianco Hills, Mario!
Mario: I don't wanna go!
Luigi: But Mari-
Mario: NO! I WANT-A PASTA!
Mario gets on a boat to Delphino Plaza.
Luigi: The fact that we're still in this is amazing, but what's even more amazing is that I sense that beings from another dimention are actually reading this crud on computers through Lemmy Koopa's popular website.
Meanwhile...
The Dryest Bones: HOW DID HE FIND OUT ABOUT THE LOOPHOLES?!
Dimentio: Magic.
The Dryest Bones: All right.
Back with Iggy and Larry...
SCORES:
Bowser (Iggy):
0
DK (Larry): 0
Toad (18-Volt):
12
18-Volt: I TOLD YOU I RULE!
Larry: It's just because Toad is soooo rigged!
Iggy: And King Dad put shock collars on us if we picked Mario's friends, DK and the Wario Bros. not included.
18-Volt: There's no way you can possibly win...
18-Volt's stomach growls.
18-Volt: Be back from the little game master's room in just a sec!
18-Volt leaves.
Iggy: You got the rigging done?
Larry: OH YEAH!
The title changes to "Koopa Kart 64". 18-Volt gets out of the bathroom.
18-Volt: Hey... I don't remember ANY of these guys!
Iggy: We unlocked the ultra secret mode.
18-Volt: AWESOME! I'LL TAKE THE COOL GUY IN THE SHADES!
A few races later...
Larry: 15
Iggy: 14
18-Volt (Roy):
Negetive Bazillion
18-Volt: HOW DOES THIS GUY KEEP LOSING?! HE GETS HIT BY LIGHTNING AND GIANT WRECKING BALLS EVERY OTHER SECOND!
Larry: Well, maybe because that was "Roy's Wrecking Storm"?
18-Volt: Or, maybe you guys rigged the game so that this character would become extremely dumb and easy to destroy.
Both: Um... Well, ya see...
18-Volt: Just kidding. Here's your clue.
Both: Uh... thanks. *phew*
Larry opens the clue.
Iggy: Bianco Hills...
Larry: Reminds me of Grass Land... LET'S GO!
Iggy: TO THE IGGY BLIMP!
Iggy's blimp explodes.
Iggy: Uh... TO THE IGGYCOPTER!
Iggy and Larry get into an Iggy-shaped helicopter.
Larry: So THAT'S why Roy got grounded while he was in school...
Teams Muddy and Garlic - Volt Challenge
Ashley: FINAL SHOCKERZ!
Waluigi somehow puts up a wall of vines to defend against this attack. However, Petey, in fear, eats Boomer, and both get shocked.
Ashley: Team Garlic, get your clue.
Wario: Thanks, you little demon.
Ashley turns into a gigantic demon. Wario and Waluigi run away in extreme fear, Waluigi much faster, of course.
Ashley: YOU TWO! DO THE CHALLENGE OVER!
Petey: Aw...
Boomer: I ALMOST HAD IT, MULCH BRAIN!
Petey: JUST SHUT UP YOU LITTLE #$@$!@$!
Boomer: Woah...
Ashley: I'm too young to die by swearing!
Ashley tries completely killing Petey with lightning, but Petey dodges all of the bolts... by doing the limbo.
Petey: Let's groove, mon!
Boomer: 800... 900... 1,000! That's 1,000 bolts, Ashley! That was the requirement! We get our clue now.
Ashley: Curse my temper tantrums...
Boomer: Bianco Hills... We're likely going to be the last there! Let's hustle!
Petey: RIGHT! PLANT WARRIORS, AWAY!
Giant Piranha Plants appear out of nowhere and carry Petey and Boomer.
Boomer: OH YEAH! MEGA DESTRUCTION!
Unfortunately, they're moving much slower than all of the other teams. But, it's not like they know this or anything.
Boomer: Yes we do! You just told us!
Drat... Well, they're going at a moderate pace for getting to an island, all right.
Team Ball - Tomorrow Hill
Lemmy: Is he here?
Ludwig: Yeah, he is.
Bowser jumps from the sky.
Lemmy: You got the transportation?
Bowser: Yes, Master. The Koopa Klan has prepared a mighty raft for your voyage.
Lemmy and Ludwig: A RAFT?!
Bowser: Just go, Master Lemmy.
Lemmy: Thanks, Bowser Bot 90210.
Bowser Bot 90210: Don't mention it.
Bowser Bot 90210 starts watching soap oprahs.
Lemmy: I MEANT THAT SARCASTICALLY!
Ludwig: Well, maybe we'll get lucky.
Lemmy: Oh merciful Poseidon, please guide us young Koopas in our quest to win a useless race with no beneficial factors.
Inside a raging storm 20 minutes later...
Ludwig: LAZY %#$%#$^#$! HOW DARE THEY GIVE US A RAFT?!
Lemmy: Curse you, merciful Poseidon! GAAAAAAAAH!
Ludwig: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
A giant tidal wave hits Lemmy and Ludwig.
Team Garlic - Isle Delphino
Waluigi runs onto Delphino Airstrip.
Wario: YOU IDIOT! WE WERE SUPOSSED TO GO TO BIANCO HILLS!
Waluigi: BUT THAT'S WHERE SCARY THINGS ARE!
Wario: WELL, SHUT UP ABOUT IT!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF... THAT GIANT TIDAL WAVE!
Waroi: What giant tidal... WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Waluigi: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Wario and Waluigi are picked up by a gigantic tidal wave.
Team Mario - Rico Harbor
Mario: Byebye, pasta boat!
Luigi: This is the wrong place...
Mario: I'm-a Lance-a Armstrong!
Mario is suddenly riding a bike up the hill to Bianco Hills. Surprisingly, he's actually succeeding.
Luigi: Well, I might as well get on the stupid bandwagon as well...
Luigi takes a fishing pole from a random fisherman. He then uses it as a rock-climbing rope to start climbing.
Mario: I'm-a at the-a bottom!
Of course, Mario is really at the top, 5,000 feet above Luigi.
Luigi: Mamamia...
Team Head- 1st at Bianco Hills
The Iggycopter lands in front of the clue box.
Iggy: That was sure lucky.
Larry: Yep, now let's see here, what do we have to do...
Iggy: TIDAL WAVE!
Larry: What in the world is a... TIDAL WAVE!
Goombario: Our friend Sushi's most powerful attack is Tidal Wave, a water move that douses the flames of all enemies on the screen, as well as deal damage.
Suddenly, the giant tidal wave dries up. Wario, Waluigi, Lemmy, and Ludwig wash up next to Larry, Iggy, and Goombario.
Iggy: Wait, what are you doing here, Goombario?
Goombario: Oh, I'm stealing from Nokis.
Noki: THERE HE IS! GET THEM!
Policemen race after Goombario, mistaking Iggy and Larry for his comrads.
Larry: All right, it's a Multiplying Freezie!
Iggy: What in the world is a Multiplying Freezie?
Larry: We each get a Freezie challenge. And now, I'm being paid by The Dryest Bones to explain the challenge.
The Dryest Bones: DON'T TELL THE VIEWER THAT! But, in this Multiplying Freezie, each team member must choose one area to survive in for an entire night. One area is Ludwig's Thump Castle, and the other is Giant Land. If both meet back at the Bianco Hills windmill, they will receive their next clue from a Yoshi. In addition, players must stay in their area for 24 hours WITHOUT breaking any rules. That means leaving, harming random characters, becoming hospitalized, or causing property damage will cause the timer to reset. If one player does get to the windmill but the other doesn't, the one who finished their task will be pampered until the other gets there.
Larry: They're both awful, but you should take Giant Land.
Iggy: Yeah, since I basically already rule it. See you eventually!
Iggy and Larry get hit by Bob-ombs from angry Nokis, causing them to be blown to their respective areas. However, Goombario isn't quite as lucky.
Nokis: KILL HIM!
Goombario: Why me?
Teams Ball and Garlic - Second and Third at Bianco Hills
Lemmy: Convenient we were on the same tidal wave.
Ludwig: It would've taken some serious force to stop it... I wonder what did it.
Meanwhile...
Petey: Wow, I forgot how absorbant the Giant Plant Warriors were.
Boomer: Yeah, totally.
Back in Bianco Hills...
Lemmy: I can mooch off Iggy, you can live off your own castle.
Ludwig: Actually, I kinda forgot the security system deactivation code...
Lemmy: TAKE IT ANYWAY!
Ludwig: I don't want to, but all right.
Ludwig and Lemmy run off in opposite directions. Somehow, this is to the castle and Giant Land.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MOVEMENT!
Waluigi dashes immediately to Giant Land.
Wario: WALUIGI... No, wait, remember what happened at the start of the episode... All right, I'll just go.
Wario jumps on top of a random cart being hauled away by a Pianta.
Wario: TO THE THUMP CASTLE!
Pianata: I hate you...
Teams Mario and Muddy - Last at Bianco Hills
Petey and Boomer finally appear above the clue box as Luigi's cap starts rising above the cliff.
Petey: ACK! HURRY! I CAN'T TEAR PAPER WITH THESE THINGS, YOU KNOW!
Boomer: Uh... It's a Freezie for both of us.
Petey: DRAT! What are the options?
Boomer: Ludwig's-
Petey: WHATEVER THE OTHER ONE IS, I'LL TAKE IT!
Boomer: Fair enough.
Petey runs off toward a boat to Giant Land. Boomer begins running toward Ludwig's castle, but stops when he sees Mario.
Boomer: This could help...
Boomer pushes Mario off of a cliff.
Mario: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Luigi: MARIO, NOOOOOOOOOO! Wait a minute, this is my big break! YES! NO MORE RACE WITH MARIO! YEAH!
Suddenly, Mario Super Jumps into Luigi, and they both go hurtling toward the clue box.
Luigi: Never mind.
Mario: I like-a cheese!
Luigi: All right... Oh great. Well, I'll let you take the more dangerous place...
Mario is at Ludwig's Thump Castle.
Luigi: Wait, that worked? Mario actually WENT to the place I told him?! We might actually win this after all!
Luigi excitedly jumps onto the ship with Petey and Lemmy.
Lemmy: TO GREATNESS!
Ten days later...
We see that Waluigi is, fearfully, destroying Giant Land's castle, using the other teams as battering rams. We also see that Boomer has completely destroyed Ludwig's lab, causing an atomic explosion of immense proportions. Suddenly, almost like magic, the destroyed areas get rebuilt.
The Dryest Bones's Voice: All right, you idiots obviously can't handle this. Therefore, I'm locking each of you in secluded sections of your selected area. If you live, then you win. If not, we'll know.
Waluigi: BUT I'M SCARED OF LIFE! LIFE HURTS ME!
Petey: No, actually, only YOU hurt us!
Luigi, Lemmy, and Iggy: Agreed.
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF MYSELF!
Waluigi is so paranoid, he doesn't even move.
Petey: Crud, that guy's got us beat.
Luigi: What now?
Everyone looks at each other with suspicious eyes, except for Lemmy's lazy one. This creeps Petey out, who bumps into a wall, breaking it.
Francis: PETEY MUST WAIT AN ADDITIONAL HALF HOUR!
Petey: When did you get here? And COME ON!
Francis: What, you think The Dryest Bones is smart enough to set up video cameras?
Meanwhile, The Dryest Bones is laughing at Francis while watching him from a video camera.
Francis: Anyway, I'm here to enforce penalties.
Petey: NOOOOOOOOO!
Francis: Rules are rules.
Lemmy and Iggy keep themselves distracted by cheating (with both lazy and bad eyes) in a staring contest. Luigi quietly meditates by the sea. However...
Big Blooper: BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
Luigi: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
The Blooper drags Luigi down.
Francis: That'll cost him 15 minutes...
Ludwig's Thump Castle
Wario is trying his hardest not to beat up Mario, who keeps dancing like a turkey around him.
Mario: Yippee! I'm-a Peeper! Eat-a me!
Meanwhile, Ludwig is trying to remember his security password.
Ludwig: Oh, was it 0110101?!
Machine: DEATH RAY ACTIVATED!
Ludwig: Oh, THAT'S RIGHT!
Meanwhile, Boomer has actually sped up time by finding some Red Flowers.
Lord Crump: All right, you can go back now, Boomer.
Boomer: YEAH!
Boomer leaves on a jet. However...
Yoshi: Yoshi sorry, but Petey's not back yet.
Boomer: So you're not mad about the whole "technical elimination" stuff by Mario?
Yoshi: NO! NOT ANYMORE! Yoshi get free smoothie for losing! Yoshi happy now!
Boomer: (Hm... That's probably better than whatever the prize is... But, I'll just keep going, just in case) So, you're going to pamper me?
Yoshi: YES! YOU GET BUFFET!
Boomer: AWWW... YEAH!
Boomer starts gorging himself. Meanwhile, Ludwig has gone forward in time by remembering the access code to his Time Machine Ray.
Lord Crump: Ludwig, you can go back.
Ludwig: Thanks.
Ludwig then activates the "Reverse Time Travel" ray on Mario and Wario. However, Mario dodges this by dancing like a bagpipe-player. Larry has hidden inside a corner, and witnesses the entire thing. Unfortunately, Wario isn't so lucky.
Wario: AW... MAN!
In the past, Wario slams against a wall, returning him to the future.
Lord Crump: Everyone but Wario can go.
Wario: WHAT?! WHY?!
Lord Crump: You hit a wall in the past! You get deducted by 10 minutes.
Wario: NOOOOO!
Giant Land
Francis: Everyone but Petey and Luigi can go.
Luigi: (getting thrown around by Big Blooper) DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A CHOICE?!
Francis: YELLING AT THE REF! THAT MAKES YOUR DELAY TIME ON PAR WITH PETEY'S!
Luigi: Aw...
Big Blooper: BLOOP! BLOOOOP BLOOP BLOP!
Waluigi: WAHHHHHH!
Waluigi runs away extremely fast. He gets on a raft with some random Ukikis.
Ukiki: GO!
Waluigi: BUT I'M SCARED OF GOING! AND MONKEYS!
Suddenly, Waluigi is speeding off on a boat toward Bianco Hills.
Waluigi: H-hey! I'm not dead yet! This is kinda fun.
Ukiki: I FORGOT HOW TO STOP THIS THING!
Waluigi: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Waluigi smashes against a wall. The explosion carries the Wario Bro to Yoshi.
Yoshi: You look tense to Yoshi... LET YOSHI HELP!
Yoshi tries to wake up a frozen-by-fear Waluigi. Meanwhile, both Iggy and Larry casually walk up to Yoshi.
Yoshi: You get clues from Yoshi!
Iggy: Lemme see...
Voice: Don't mind if I do!
Suddenly, the Iggycopter appears above the windmill. However, the glasses have been removed, and the face looks more fun-loving, to make it appear more Lemmy-ish. Lemmy then dives down and takes all of the clues from Yoshi.
Yoshi: Okay, be good for Yoshi, Lemmy!
Larry: LEMMY!!!
Lemmy: Yes, simple-minded bro?
Iggy: HEY! THAT'S MINE!
Lemmy: NOT CARING! LUDWIG! WHERE'S THE NEXT ROUTE MARKER?!
Ludwig: (in a voice that only Lemmy can hear) Mario's House. And it's the pitstop.
Lemmy: That's... a problem.
The Dryest Bones: Teams must now travel to Mario's House in scenic... the middle of Toad Town. This is the pitstop for this leg of the race. The last team here will be eliminated.
Ludwig: All right, so how are we going to get through Toad Town without getting mauled by the little Mushroomers?
Lemmy: I've got an idea...
Five minutes later, inside Toad Town...
Ludwig: You sure this is a good idea?
Lemmy: SURE I am!
Lemmy and Ludwig have price tags on their shells.
Toad: HEY, GUY DRESSED UP LIKE LEMMY!
Lemmy: Hi. (Wow, this is even easier than I thought.)
Ludwig: WE WIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Toad: HEY... NO ONE BUT LUDWIG COULD EVER LAUGH LIKE THAT! IT'S THE KOOPALINGS! SOUND THE ALARM!
A loud alarm goes through Toad Town, causing extremely scared guards to come to the two Koopalings.
Lemmy: Nice going, laugh boy.
Ludwig: Relax. They couldn't even stop Iggy from stealing a piece of bubble gum. There's no real way they could...
Suddenly, Ludwig and Lemmy are knocked out by electric shocks.
Toad Guard: We got smarter. TO THE DUNGEON WITH THEE!
Many Toads hurl Lemmy and Ludwig into the dungeon.
Bianco Hills
By this time, all of the teams (sans a still-captive Luigi) are at the windmill. Many of the players seem content with the buffet. However...
Mario: Where's the-a clues?
Wario: YEAH! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?!
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF PULLING! USUALLY, WHAT GETS PULLED IS MY LEG, AND THEN I GET HURT! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Yoshi: Yoshi no know what you talking about...
Suddenly, Luigi crashes into the windmill.
Mario: BOWSER! THERE YOU ARE!
Luigi: You never will learn, eh, Bro?
Yoshi: OH! LUIGI! Dryest Bones told me to tell you to go to Mario's House, pitstop for this leg of race, because Mario would've probably eaten clue box by time you got here!
In reality, Mario has already eaten where the clue box would have already been.
Everyone Else: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THIS?!
Waluigi: And I'm scared of what I said! Just to stay consistant. WHICH I'M SCARED OF!
Yoshi: Dryest Bones not tell Yoshi to tell anyone else.
Larry: GO!
Larry dashes down the hill to a giant Trouter.
Giant Trouter: What do you want, annoying Koopaling?
Larry: I'll give you some Wigglers for lunch again if you can squirt us to Mario's House.
Giant Trouter: That failed last time! Remember, the beating, the peanut butter, the giant mess, the allowance deductions...
Iggy: MARIO'S NOT HOME THIS TIME!
Giant Trouter: Al lright then.
Iggy and Larry are shot out of the Giant Trouter's mouth. They land down Mario's pipe chiminey... right into Mario's shower.
Larry: I'll never get this pasta-loving idiot, or how he beats us every time.
Iggy: Ew... There's something living in here...
After running away from whatever lurks at the bottom of Mario's shower, Iggy and Larry burst out the door... right into The Dryest Bones.
The Dryest Bones: MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
Shy Guy: YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR 30 MORE MINUTES FOR HARMING THE HOST!
Larry: WHAT?!
Iggy: What are you doing here, Number 413?
Shy Guy: I was stealing Luigi's sofa, and then this Dry Bones offered me 20 coins per hour for just standing here and welcoming people.
Iggy: Procedure 2,031. Good job.
Shy Guy: Thank you, sir. NOW WAIT FOR 30 MORE MINUTES!
Iggy and Larry start ransacking Mario's house, just because they can.
Bianco Hills
Waluigi: I'M SCARED OF-
Wario: Hold that thought.
Wario puts his hand over Waluigi's mouth and drops down a boombox just as Petey begins flying.
Petey: Wait... What's that sound?
Boomer: It sounds like...
Wario: Hehe... Got them.
Wario turns up the volume on the boombox.
Boombox: SUN SHINING THROUGH MY WINDOW!
Team Muddy: OH NO! TOMORROW HILL!
Petey and Boomer get loud headaches from the music, and cannot do anything but roll around in pain from the soundwaves. Luigi does the same thing, but that's just because it's loud.
Luigi: MARIO! GET US OUTTA HERE!
Mario: NO! THE MUSIC IS-A TOO QUIET FOR ME-A TO CONSCENTRATE!
Luigi: -_-
Wario: All right, continue your thought.
Wario lets go of Waluigi's mouth.
Waluigi: HILLS! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Waluigi runs into Toad Town, Wario holding onto his overalls.
Merlon: HEY! IT'S THE WARIO BROS! LET'S KICK THEM!
Wario and Waluigi get beat up by Wario Bros-hating Toads.
Waluigi: WHY ME?! WHO I'M SCARED OF!
Wario: Because everyone hates us...
Wario eats a Toad.
Toad: HE'S A CANNIBAL! RUN AWAY!
All of the Toads run away.
Wario: Come... on... Waluigi!
Wario starts carrying a fainted Waluigi to the warp pipe to Mario's House. However, Wario is very heavy, and limping extremely slowly. So they're really not getting anywhere fast.
Wario: Got... to... make... it... for... money! Greed... gland... hurting...
Wario gets hit in the head with a book by Russ T.
Russ T: THAT'S FOR HAVING A 10-YEAR OVERDUE LIBRARY FINE!
Wario: Not... lasting... through... random... hate... crime... revenge... schemes.
Bianco Hills (Wow, I say this a lot, don't I?)
Luigi: ARG! THE MUSIC... IT'S KILLING... MEEEEEE!
Luigi uses Mario as a hammer to destroy the Boombox.
Boomer: THE MUSIC, IT'S GONE!
Petey: BUT IT STILL RINGS IN MY NON-EXISTENT EARS!
Boomer: TRY TO MAKE IT!
Petey struggles to fly as sound pours around his large, empty head.
Petey: ARG! IT'S SO PAINFUL!
Boomer: KEEP PUSHING THROUGH IT!
Luigi: Great, Mario... NOW WE'RE LAST!
Mario picks up a Shine Sprite.
Mario: Mario's the Super Star!
Suddenly, Mario and Luigi are warped into Delfino Plaza.
Luigi: Oh, I forgot those things were magical...
Mario: Shine-a power!
Suddenly, the new Delfino Platform from Super Smash Bros. Brawl appears underneath Mario and Luigi.
Luigi: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Mario: YIPPEE!
Platform: Destination: Mario's House.
Luigi: Now THAT is what I call luck!
Toad Town
KABOOM!
Lemmy: WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Ludwig: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
PLOP!
Lemmy: Where are we?
Ludwig: Hm... It looks cloudy... The Overthere, or possibly Coin Heaven.
Lemmy: Jeez, your Ludwig-bombs are powerful... Why don't you use those all the time?
Ludwig: You really want Super Luigi games?
Lemmy: Point taken. So, how do we get down?
Ludwig jumps up at this time. Suddenly, the clouds part. Ludwig and Lemmy fall way down... right onto the mat.
Shy Guy: WELCOME TO THIS PLACE!
The Dryest Bones: Ludwig and Lemmy... You're Team Number One.
Lemmy: AGAIN?! HOW?!
Shy Guy: L-
The Dryest Bones: NO! THIS RACE ISN'T ABOUT LUCK!
Ludwig: Yes, yes it is.
The Dryest Bones: Fine. Well, our reward system is back, so now, YOU TWO GET THIS PRICELESS DIAMOND RING!
Lemmy: YOU ACTUALLY GOT A GOOD PRIZE?!
The Dryest Bones: And this...
Ludwig: YOUR CREDIT CARD BILL?!
The Dryest Bones: NO GIVE BACKS!
The Dryest Bones runs away.
Shy Guy: All right, Iggy and Larry, your time is up. You're Team Number Two.
Iggy: SO CLOSE TO TEAM ONE!
Lemmy: So? We just got something that Wendy will beat me up for, and a credit card bill.
Iggy: On second thought...
Larry: Well, I'm going to setup camp for the night.
Ludwig: What's wrong with the house?
Team Head: DON'T... GO... INTO... THE... SHOWER.
Lemmy: O...k...
Wario suddenly stumbles out of the warp pipe.
Wario: Almost... there...
Meanwhile, the Mario Bros' platform is falling toward the ground. However...
Mario: YIPPEE!
Luigi: HOW DO I LAND THIS THING?!
Platform: What do you mean?
Luigi: THE CAMERA ANGLE IS EVIL! IT'S COMPLETELY MANUAL!
Platform: That's Super Mario Sunshine for you...
Luigi: COME ON! LAND CORRECTLY!
Suddenly, the platform does a ground pound. This causes Wario and Waluigi to shoot right onto the mat.
Shy Guy: Uh... Team Garlic is third or something? Is that what my lines say?
The Dryest Bones (inside a bush): Yes, now go on.
Luigi: RUN FOR IT!
Luigi runs as Mario just sits around. Suddenly, Petey Piranha falls from the sky in his usual, last-minute theatrics, like every other show out there.
Boomer: WE'RE TAKING YOU DOWN!
Luigi: I'd lose anywhere else... BUT NOT AT MY OWN HOUSE! THERE'S NON-SHOWER CLEANING TO BE DONE!
Luigi jumps over Petey's head and onto the mat.
Luigi: MARIO! GET OVER HERE OR I'M...
Suddenly, Mario's entire world goes into slow motion.
Luigi: Melt...ing... your... chee...eee...eee...sss...eee!
Mario: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Mario dashes extremely fast in his mind. However...
Luigi: MARIO! STOP GOING IN SLOW MOTION!
Boomer: NO! WE CAN'T... LOSE!
Petey: WE WON'T!
Suddenly, Petey erupts from the ground, knocking Boomer onto the mat with his giant head. Suddenly, Mario picks up the pace.
Mario: I'm-a hungry!
Petey: NOOOOOOO!
Petey jumps extremely quickly toward the Mario Bros' house. However, his aim is off, and he misses completely, splitting his leg on the Mario Bros' mailbox.
Petey: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Boomer: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Petey falls under the house right as Mario lands on the mat.
Shy Guy: TEAM MARIO IS TEAM NUMBER FOUR! PETEY AND BOOMER ARE ELIMINATED! YES!
Wario: NOOOOO! I BET ON THE MARIO BROS. TO LOSE THIS WEEK!
Suddenly, a Mega Mole bursts from under the Mario Bros' house, beaking the patio.
Luigi: THAT'LL TAKE A DAY TO FIX! NO ONE SAY "PATIO" TO ME!
Mega Mole: HANG ON! WHICH LOSER HIT ME IN THE HEAD WITH THE VINES?!
Everyone: WHAT?!
Suddenly, The Dryest Bones comes out from under the bush.
The Dryest Bones: He's right. And actually, Petey and Boomer are still in this.
Petey: YOU MEAN THIS WAS NON-ELIMINATION?!
The Dryest Bones: No, I mean that you two actually won.
Everyone: WHAT?!
The Dryest Bones: Here, look at my above ground, underground camera system.
A camera shows that, just before Mario jumped on the map, several vines from Petey's leg hit the bottom of the mat, not to mention Mega Mole's face.
Everyone but Wario: 0.0
Wario: YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!! PAY UP!
Shy Guy gives Wario 100 coins.
Wario: YAY! I'M NOW SORT OF RICH! I CAN RENT ANYTHING I WANT!
Luigi: So, wait... We're ELIMINATED... AT OUR OWN HOUSE?!
The Dryest Bones: Yes, and you get locked out with the hungry wolves in your backyard for the night.
Mario: Mamamia!
Luigi: No Mario, it's... No wait, that's right. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The Dryest Bones locks everyone inside except the Mario Bros. and Shy Guy.
Shy Guy: HEY!
The Dryest Bones: And now, for the standings as of Leg 8's ending, which was prolonged far too long in this author's opinion.
Scoreboard:
1st: Lemmy and
Ludwig (Team Ball)
2nd: Iggy and
Larry (Team Head)
3rd: Wario and
Waluigi (Team Garlic)
4th: Petey and
Boomer (Team Muddy)
ELIMINATED: Mario
and Luigi (Team Mario)
ELIMINATED: Bowser
and Kamek (Team Koopa)
ELIMINATED: Tatanga
and The King (Team ?)
ELIMINATED: Goomboss
and Chief Chilly (Team 64)
HOSPITALIZED:
Yoshi and Birdo (Team Egg)
HALF NON-EXISTENT:
King Boo and Princess Shroob (Team Tyrant)
ELIMINATED: Rudy
and Bogmire (Team SCREAM)
ELIMINATED: Peach
and Toad/Fawful/Morton (Team Puff)
ELIMINATED: Wart
and Shy Guy (Team Bubble)
ELIMINATED: Boolossus
and Giant Dry Bones (Team Big)
The Dryest Bones: And there you have it! It's the battle of the villains as the last heroes have been completely eliminated from the race! Who will win? Who knows? Just keep on racing, folks! Keep on racing.