Chapter 10: The Other Beanstar Pieces
Lemmy: SISTER?!
P.T.: Uh… In-law?
Lemmy: Yeah right.
P.T.: Okay! I admit it! I am her brother! Don’t kill me!
Lemmy: You’re Daisy’s brother?
P.T.: Yes!
Bum! Bum! Bum!
Lemmy: Woah! Plot twist! Why haven’t I figured it out? Does anyone else know?
P.T.: I keep it a secret. And no.
Lemmy: Then why haven’t you been going around all royal-like?
P.T.: My mom got a divorce. She chose me as the child to take with her. But my dad got to keep all the royalty-ness. And Daisy.
Lemmy: Woah.
P.T.: So to me, saving her is more important than it is to you.
Lemmy: Just like how saving Iggy was more important to me than you in Lemmy’s Mansion 1. Okay, this is really weird. Let’s get some comic relief in, before we get too serious.
P.T.: You said it!
The boat reaches the mainland. They soon find Harhall’s studio.
Harhall: Welcome to my studio!
Lemmy: Let’s just get this over with. Give me the shiny, and you won’t be frozen.
Harhall steals Lemmy’s Freeze Gun, ball, and bowling ball, and puts them in the cage with the Beanstar piece. Not wanting the same to happen to him, P.T. hides his boomerang in his trench coat.
Harhall: The rules are simple. You must use water to knock the color bombs, then the design bombs onto the shirt on the island.
Lemmy: Is that how you dye everything?
Harhall: Yes! Hmmm. Your hair. GASP! WHO DYED YOUR HAIR?!
Lemmy: Uh, I did.
Harhall: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
Harhall: DIE!
Harhall pushes Lemmy into the water.
P.T.: Uh… Okay. Why’d you do that, again?
Harhall: All my competition must die. Did you hear the rules on how to dye the shirt?
P.T.: No.
Harhall: Well, …
As she explains, P.T. sneaks over to the cage, silently opens the door, and runs off with the stuff, including the Beanstar Piece.
PIECES FOUND: 2/4
PIECES LEFT: 2
P.T. is safely away from the studio. Harhall still has no idea that he ditched her.
P.T.: That was a lot easier than the first one.
Lemmy walks up to him, soaking wet.
Lemmy: Why didn’t you save me?!
P.T.: I don’t like you. But I got this!
P.T. shows off the piece, and Lemmy’s stuff.
Lemmy: Good. Now we should go to Yoshi Theater. During my time underwater, I heard a few Bloopers mentioning something shiny there.
P.T.: SHINY!
P.T. drags the turtle-thing to the theater. There, they see Boddle putting the piece on a sign.
P.T.: Give us the shiny thing.
Boddle: Only if you give me something shiny to replace it.
Lemmy: I still have the Shine Sprite that Bub gave me in LM2.
He gives Boddle an empty, but still glowing, can of Sprite.
Boddle: Thanks.
He puts it on the sign.
Boddle: Hmmm. It’s still not enough. Can you get me seven different colored eggshells?
P.T.: Why is it always seven?
They go into the theater, and talk to a green Yoshi, but not the main one.
Green Yoshi: Give me a Bean Fruit.
Lemmy: Bean… Fruit?
Green Yoshi: Did I stammer?
Lemmy: No.
Green Yoshi: You have to give me Bean Fruit, or else I can’t lay the egg you want.
Lemmy and P.T.: Gross.
Lemmy: Uh, look! A Shy Guy!
Green Yoshi: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
The dinosaur eats the Shy Guy and lays a green-spotted egg, which our short “hero” retrieves.
P.T.: This should be easier than I thought!
They go around the whole theater doing that. Soon, they have all the eggs: green, azure, yellow, orange, blue, purple, and red. They go outside, and give them to Boddle.
Boddle: They’re not shiny. Eggs are only shiny if the Yoshi ate a Bean Fruit.
Shy Guy (in the blue egg): Transform!
All the Shy Guys within the eggs try to transform, but doing so makes them glow. And the egg is so powerful, it holds them in. They try harder, but the more they shine, the more they’re stuck in there. They don’t know that, though.
Boddle: Ooh! These eggs get shinier and shinier! Here! This is way un-shiny, compared to these shiny eggs!
P.T.: The word shiny is being used a lot lately.
PIECES FOUND: ¾
PIECES LEFT ¼
Our dunce-like duo is leaving the theater.
Lemmy: Now what?
Prince Peasley flies by.
Peasley: I was so embarrassed by the accident on Hoohoo Mountain, I tried to remain hidden for the rest of the story. But I think I can redeem myself by helping! Go to Chucklehuck Woods, and find the Winkle Realm!
Peasley flies away. They take his advice, but before they can enter the woods, they see three familiar faces.
Jelly: Hello, “companions”.
Guards: You may not enter.
P.T.: Super Fist of the Nosehair: Goofy Face Attack!
P.T. makes a goofy face. Jelly and the guards explode.
Lemmy: 0_0 Wait, if that didn’t work on Cackletta and Fawful in Chapter 1, how’d it work now?
P.T.: That was Silly Face Attack. This was Goofy Face Attack. And that is a difference.
Lemmy: D |
D |
They enter the woods. Soon, they reach a fat Koopa blocking the entrance to the Winkle Realm.
Fat Koopa: You can’t knock me down. I got revived, and got over my fear of diets.
P.T.: Wait, you’re that same Koopa?
Fat Koopa: Yep. You can’t knock me down.
P.T. pushes him over.
Fat Koopa: You can’t knock me down.
Lemmy: But he just did.
Fat Koopa: You can’t knock me down.
Our “heroes” go past him, and enter the Winkle Realm.
Winkle #1: You can’t enter.
Lemmy squishes him with the bowling ball. They enter the stadium, and talk to a Winkle behind a desk.
Winkle #2: You need 500 coins.
Lemmy: I’m doing this whole adventure for 500 coins.
Winkle #2: Uh, I guess you can enter, then. I think.
They head for a door, with a sign over it that says “Beanstar Piece”. But they’re accosted by another Winkle.
Winkle #3: You must first play the “Chuckola Bounce”.
Lemmy: How do you play?
Winkle #3: You have to bounce the rocks back at the Chucktoroks, destroying as many as you can, before we get to the other side of the room.
Lemmy: Chucktoroks? That sounds like a lame plagiarizing of Octoroks.
Winkle #3: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
Police #1: He’s right! Book him!
The other police officer somehow puts handcuffs on the Winkle, and what’s stranger, is that it worked.
Police #2: You’re going away for a long time.
The police take the Winkle away. Lemmy and P.T. enter the door, to see that they’re outside again, and that a piece is on the statue, with Popple trying to take if off with a stick.
Popple: Come on!
P.T.: Uh…
Popple: Huh?
The “shadow” thief turns around to find our… heroes, maybe?
P.T.: We get it! You don’t like us!
What was your first clue?
Popple: This is the worst possible time you could find me! I have no rookies at the moment!
P.T.: What happened to your old one?
Popple: Didn’t you pay attention in Chapter 6? He was eaten by Cheep Chomps!
P.T.: Really?
Popple: Yes. Really.
Popple pulls out a (literal) bag of tricks. He starts tossing coins at Lemmy.
Lemmy: That’s it?
Then he starts tossing bombs and Poison Mushrooms at Lemmy.
Lemmy: Ouch….
He faints. The thief steals his bowling ball, and bops P.T. with it.
P.T.: Why you little…!
P.T. starts strangling Popple, who drops the bowling ball. P.T. drops him, picks up the bowling ball, and beats him with it.
Popple: Ouch…
He faints, and P.T. takes Popple’s stick, and pries the piece off the statue.
PIECES FOUND: 4/4
PIECES LEFT: 0/4
Lemmy wakes up, and the prince comes by.
Peasley: Well done. Here.
Peasley squeezes all the pieces together, into the Beanstar.
Peasley: But you might need this.
You got the FAKE Beanstar!
Peasley: Oh, and… (computer voice) You got mail!
He flies away, as P.T. opens his laptop.
P.T.: He’s right.
He opens an Email from Burger King.
Letter:
Dear Idiots,
You finally got the pieces! How do I know? I just do! Now go and give me the pieces! They’re on Joke’s End.
~ Burger King
Lemmy: That Oho Jee was right. We WOULD have to go to Joke’s End in a few chapters. Okay.
They leave the realm, leave the woods, and head towards the beach. They see a black rock blocking the path. Our turtle-like friend tries to break it with his bowling ball, but…
Lemmy: Darn! It won’t work! … I know!
Lemmy takes out the vacuum, and releases the Hammerhead Bros’s ghosts.
Sledge’s Ghost: Finally!
Lemmy: Fix my bowling ball!
Mallet’s Ghost: Okay.
Mallet’s ghost shoots a laser at the bowling ball. It’s now gold.
Sledge’s Ghost: Idiot!
Sledge and Mallet’s ghosts somehow kill each other.
Lemmy: Weird.
He breaks the rock, and finds a jellyfish woman.
Lemmy: How’d you get here, if there was a rock in the way?
Jellyfish Woman: I was trying to break the rock. I swam here from Gwarhar Lagoon.
Lemmy: Oh. How do we get to Joke’s End?
Jellyfish Woman: You have to put something green into the slot.
P.T. pulls out the part of Lemmy’s hair that’s green, but it grows back, somehow. Anyway, P.T. drops the hair into the slot, and suddenly, a green boat made of hair pops up.
Lemmy: Weird.
They get on the boat, and use the oars
to go to Joke’s End.
Chapter 11: Chase to the Top of the Icy Place
After a while, Lemmy and P.T. make it to Joke’s End. They get off the boat, and reach the front area. After breaking a few black rocks, they are greeted by Jojora.
Jojora: Welcome to Joke’s End. You have to beat insanely hard challenges and monsters to reach Daisy at the top.
P.T.: How do you know about her?
Jojora: I read the story! See you at the top!
Lemmy: Oh how I wish to just hitch a ride to the top, like in Lord Drash’s FF. But I won’t.
They soon see a door that opens if someone uses the Firebrand attack on a torch, but P.T. just uses Lemmy as a battering ram to break down the door.
Lemmy: Ouch! Wait, why haven’t you done that before?
P.T.: Well, breaking down things wasn’t that essential in the games that the first two Lemmy’s Mansions were based off of. But it is in the game this story is based off of. So if I did it before, the adventures would have been too easy.
They go around, climbing stairs and fighting insanely hard monsters. Soon, they see rollers.
Rollers: You can’t use a stop sign on us! We learned from the mistakes our friends in Gwarhar Lagoon made.
Lemmy: How? And how are you even alive?
Rollers: Uh… AAAHHH! THE LOGIC! IT BURNS!
The rollers disappear. They don’t explode, but they disappear. Soon, they reach a room where they split up. After lots of solo action, our heroes make it to two parallel bridges, Lemmy on the left one, and P.T. on the right one. A ! Block appears.
Jojora: If you hit that, a minigame will start! If you don’t play, I’ll kill you! : )
P.T.: Really?
Jojora: Yes. Really.
She flies away. The son of Bowser hits the ! Block. After a LOT of tries, they win, and join back together. Soon, our heroes find a thing that should warm up the giant bowl of soup.
P.T.: This thing should warm up the giant bowl of soup.
I said that. Anyway, P.T. pulls out a cell phone. Soon, Hank Hill appears.
Hank: Using my Strictland Propane, I’d be happy to warm up the soup.
He does. Somehow using that to their advantage, our heroes soon make it to a room with disappearing platforms. After, you guessed it, a LOT of tries, they make it to Jojora’s room.
Jojora: Welcome! You two are invited to my tea party. Could you pick from this list to see which one to invite?
Lemmy: Why not invite them all?
Jojora: Of course! The more the merrier!
Four ripped, snow things with blonde hair appear.
Jojora and Friends: Die!
Lemmy: Oh, come on!
The ice girl tries to whack P.T., but he knocks her wand away. She flies after it.
Lemmy: In E-Man’s FF, I played a similar role in a battle. Having this knowledge, I can tell you that she’ll only be gone for a minute.
P.T.: Okay, okay. I know what it means. We can only play a LITTLE soccer!
The scene changes, and P.T. is beating Jojora’s friends at soccer, 4-0.
Hoohoolia: Waaah! I lost!
Teeheena: I never understood soccer.
Chucklissa: I wanted to play football!
Oholina: I couldn’t care less.
Hoohoolia, Chucklissa, and Teeheena: Why you little…!
They all kill each other.
Lemmy: WHAAAATTTT?!
Now the scene changes back to Joke’s End.
Jojora: Where’s my friends?
P.T. pushes her out the window, into a long and painful fall. At the bottom, a few vultures devour her.
Lemmy: Freaky.
They soon reach the top, with Burger King and Daisy waiting.
Burger King: I have the strangest craving for frozen yogurt. Anyway, do you have the Beanstar?
Lemmy: Here.
He gives him the fake version.
Burger King: You fool! I know it’s fake!
Lemmy: Darn. Why do you want the Star, anyway?
Burger King: So I can wish to be invincible.
P.T.: Just give me my sister, already!
P.T. smacks Burger King a few times with… a fish?
Burger King: Fine! I didn’t want the Star all that much, anyway. I can conquer your dad’s castle without it!
Lemmy: Huh?
Burger King flies away.
Daisy: Uh, thanks.
Lemmy: Wait a second…
Lemmy reads King Boo’s monologue from Chapter 7.
Lemmy: So Nintendo DS really wasn’t going to take my mansion! This was all a plot to get me away from Dark Land and the Mushroom Kingdom, so King Boo could take over King Dad’s… We gotta get to Dark Land! Pronto!
Lemmy jumps off the top, and lands on a Klepto. But he drops him in Teehee Valley.
P.T.: Weird.
After a while, P.T. makes it to Teehee Valley, goes underground, and frees Lemmy from being tied up to a pole. But…
Popple: So we meet again. Meet my new rookie!
Birdo walks out.
Birdo: I love you!
Popple: Now’s not the time!
Birdo: There’s always time… for love!
Popple steals Lemmy’s bowling ball, and kills Birdo with it.
Popple: Finally! Wait, now I don’t have a rookie. Crud.
Lemmy freezes Popple, and takes back
the bowling ball. Soon, they return to Beanbean Castle Town, and are appalled
by what they see.
Chapter 12: Homecoming (For Lemmy)
Lemmy and P.T.: OH MY DAD!
They see that Beanbean Castle Town is demolished, because of Bowser’s (flying) castle.
Lemmy.: Wait, where’s Daisy?
P.T.: She had it with this kingdom, so she’s going back home. I guess we don’t need the money after all.
Lemmy: Right!
Winkle #2: Then you should give me 500 coins!
Lemmy freezes him, and (with P.T.) goes back to Hoohoo Mountain.
P.T.: Why are we here?
Lemmy: You’ll see.
Blablanadon: Hi, guys. What do you want?
Lemmy: Take me to my dad’s castle.
Blabanadon: That’s your dad’s castle? Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
Blablanadon: Okay.
He flies them to Bowser’s Castle. Meanwhile in the throne room…
Burger King: I can’t believe I managed to take over Bowser’s castle! This is sweet!
Intercom: Warning, two stooges and a bird have made it into the castle. Destroy them?
Burger King: Yes.
A laser destroys Shemp, Curly, and Big Bird. Meanwhile, Lemmy, P.T., and Blablanadon manage to enter the castle unnoticed. Back with BK…
Burger King: Now to kill Lemmy and P.T. KOOPALINGS! YOUR TIME HAS COME!
Iggy, Morton, Ludwig, Roy, Wendy, Larry, and Bowser Jr. come out of a door. So does Bowser. They are all wearing a choker with a Boo face on it.
Burger King: Go kill the intruders!
Koopalings (except for Lemmy, but with Bowser): Okay.
They all go to different rooms. Meanwhile, our duo reaches Iggy’s room.
Iggy: Die!
P.T.: This is the thanks we get for saving your butt in LM1?!
Lemmy: Look! They’re wearing chokers with Boo faces on them! They’re in a trance! Either way, I will not fight my favorite brother.
P.T.: Wimp.
Iggy: Super Fist of Brothers: Big Brother Cannon!
Iggy grabs Lemmy, and holds him like a rifle. He then pulls his tail, causing cannonballs to fly at P.T.
P.T.: Lemmy Shield!
P.T. pulls out a shield with Lemmy’s face painted on. The cannonballs bounce off the shield, and knock Iggy into the lava. Having been instructed only to kill our heroes, he just sits there. A warp appears. Soon, they reach Morton’s room.
Morton: Super Fist of Wedding Cake: Bundt Attack!
Bundt appears.
Chef Torte: How dare you steal my monster?!
Chef Torte knocks Morton into the lava… and eats Bundt? Anyway, another warp appears, and they walk into it.
P.T.: Who do we fight in this one?
Lemmy: Uh… me.
P.T. pushes Lemmy into the lava, and enters the warp that appears. Lemmy, not under the influence of the choker, gets out of the lava, and follows P.T.
Ludwig: Die!
Ludwig gets into his shell, and after a déjà vu-inducing challenge, Lemmy has had enough, and freezes Ludwig. A warp appears, and they’re now fighting Roy.
Roy: Since you’ve gotten this far, I’ve set a timer. If you don’t beat me in eight turns, the Bob-omb will explode on you!
They fight. Eight turns later, the Bob-omb is ready to blow.
Lemmy: Oh no!
But P.T. nonchalantly throws the Bob-omb at Roy, causing it to explode on him. After going through warps and doing the exact same strategy to Wendy and Larry, the two make it to the room where Mario and Luigi fought Fawful, but instead of him…
Bowser Jr: Die!
Bowser: What he said!
Mario and Luigi 2: Battle with Bowsers starts playing.
P.T.: I’ll take the big guy. Super Fist of the Nosehair: Summoning a Meteor!
P.T. throws Crazy Packers Fan, Dark Koopa, and Thumbs at Bowser.
Lemmy: THAT WASN’T EVEN CLOSE TO THE NAME OF THE ATTACK!
Bowser falls into the lava. Meanwhile, Lemmy freezes Junior. Then, they reach the throne room.
Burger King: I knew you’d get this far.
Lemmy: Then why’d you send all those people after us?
Burger King: Hmm. Good point. Anyway, it’s time for you to die.
P.T.: Really?
Burger King: Yes. Really.
Lemmy throws the bowling ball at him.
Burger King: Ouch!
P.T.: This calls for a trip to P.T. Land! Super Fist of the Nosehair: P.T. Land!
P.T. and Burger King get teleported to a world where seemingly everything is light blue. The sky is just the picture from Lemmy’s Land’s homepage, but instead of saying “Lemmy’s Land”, it says P.T. Land, and instead of a picture of Lemmy, it’s… Shrek?
Shrek (on the pictures): Ogres are like onions!
Burger King tries to punch P.T., but is shocked.
Burger King: Blagidagiblagidagiblagidagi- What just happened?
P.T.: All your attacks are worth nothing in P.T. Land!
P.T. disappears. Soon, Burger King sees P.T. teaching an outdoor class. The students are a Goomba, a skeleton, and Abraham Lincoln.
P.T.: Ah, Mr. King, I see that you’re late again. That will be your third detention this month. Now, who can answer this equation?
Burger King: Hmmm. *pulls out a calculator* Hmmm. If the flux-root of 4, taken to the billionth power, of the matrix-probability equation… (voice gets faster, and less understandable) … (normal) So that means the answer must be 6!
P.T.: (punching Burger King) WROOOOONGGG!!!
Suddenly, Burger King is walking around a village at night.
Burger King: Must… find… food.
He knocks on a door, and P.T. answers it.
Burger King: Do you have any space for me? I’m hungry, poor, and homeless!
P.T.: No.
He closes the door as he watches TV. Burger King breaks a door, holding a paper.
Burger King: FINE! BUT SIGN THIS FORM, SO WE CAN USE YOUR LIKENESS IN THE MOVIE VERSION!
P.T.: A movie is being made out of this? Really?
Burger King: Yes. Really.
P.T.: Duh, okay.
P.T. signs a paper, then maims Burger King. The scene goes back to Bowser’s Castle, and Burger King is looking beaten up.
Burger King: Okay. That’s it. Now or never!
King Boo floats out of Fred’s body. The body turns back to normal, but King Boo turns into what looks like the final form of Cackletta, but it’s white, and has a crown.
Lemmy: Uh, P.T.? Could you take Fred out of here?
P.T.: Why?
Lemmy: I have to fight alone, during the final battle. It’s to be dramatic.
P.T.: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
Suddenly, a purple Boo with horn things like Cackletta’s appears.
Cackletta’s Ghost: I’m back for more! King Boo! You said I wouldn’t die! I’m going to kill you all!
Cackletta becomes her final version. Then, Yoda appears.
Yoda: You may have killed Darth Vader and Hoohooros, but not me!
Yoda uses the Force to become a green version of Cackletta’s final form. Then, Popple appears.
Popple: Now it’s time for my final revenge!
Popple tries to turn into a form like the others, but…
Popple: Oh, wait. I can’t do that.
Lemmy freezes him.
King Boo: Now to kill all of you!
Cackletta and Yoda: I want to do that!
Lemmy: Well, maybe whichever one of you can kill the other two can kill us.
King Boo, Cackletta,and Yoda: Okay.
Peasley appears.
Peasley: Guess what! I just placed an explosive in the castee! It’ll blow in 3… 2… 1!
Lemmy: I hate my life.
The castle explodes.
Chapter 13: Aftermath
Lemmy, P.T., Fred, and Peasley land on the summit of Hoohoo Mountain.
Lemmy: Oh…
P.T.: What happened to King Boo, Cackletta, and Yoda?
Lemmy: They died in the explosion. I saw them. So did Blablanadon and Popple.
P.T.: Finally!
Peasley: Well, glad to see this is finished.
He flies away on his bean-thing.
Lemmy: So, this adventure is finally over. I’m going to buy a force field, so nothing bad can happen to my mansion ever again!
P.T.: You do that. How do we leave?
Fred (who just woke up): Yes!
P.T. pushes him off of the summit. Again.
P.T.: Now, about the other half of the chocolate bar…
Lemmy: Look! A monkey!
P.T.: Really?
Lemmy: Yes. Really.
P.T. looks away, while Lemmy sneaks off the mountain. It takes him a while to figure out that Lemmy was just distracting him. So, here’s what happened:
Lemmy: Stuck to his word, and bought a force field for his mansion. He also sold the bowling ball on Ebay.
P.T.: Continued his life as an interviewer.
Fred: Sold to Poke’maniac Joe, for $1,000,000.
Daisy: Went back to Sarasaland.
King Boo: Dead.
Cackletta: Dead(er).
Yoda: Dead.
Darth Vader: Dead.
Hoohooros: You guessed it! Dead!
Popple: Dead!
Fawful: Started a new life as a badge merchant under Peach’s Castle.
Queen Bean: Lost the position of queen during an election with the cereal killer.
Lady Lima: Became the advisor-thing to the cereal killer.
Prince Peasley: Went to Dry, Dry Desert, and helped Vivian and Rusty make those pancakes.
Rookie (Rawk Hawk): Dead.
Cereal Killer: Became the new king of the Beanbean Kingdom.
Bowser and the other koopalings: Came to, and went back to Dark Land.
Peach: Never got her voice back.
Everyone Else: Lived on as normal, or died.
Apparently, King Boo was right, as it turns out this WAS just a movie based off of the real trilogy. Only two people are in the theater.
Random Goomba: Did you get any of that?
P.T.: Not a word!
The End
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