Chapter 8: THE SHROOBS ARE NOOBS
Mario and Luigi are talking to Gadd.
Gadd: The Time Hole is on the third floor, fellers. This is the last one, so stock up.
Mario: What have you done with Gadd?
Gadd: Oh, he’s locked up in the closet. Seeya!
Gadd leaves.
Quartet: …
The quartet head up to the top floor, and jump into the time hole. Soon…
Luigi: Here we are! Shroob Castle.
Mario: You knew that because of the Shroob atmosphere, right?
Luigi: No, I saw the “Have a nice day” doormat. Only these guys would be dumb enough to have that.
A pebble lands on Luigi.
Luigi: … Let’s just go in.
The Cobalt Star starts shining brightly, when… nothing happens.
Mario: What? Why didn’t it work?!
Baby Mario Bros: And why haven’t we had any lines yet?
Luigi: Wait, what’s this?
Luigi picks up a key! The key floats into the door, and opens it!
Mario: … WE COULD’VE DONE THAT THE WHOLE TIME!
Main Characters in Shady Parakoopa’s FF: Ha, ha!
They enter the castle.
Snoozorb: Die!
The Snoozorb rolls towards the Bros, but Mario and Luigi step aside. He goes outside and rolls off a cliff, landing on a younger Gourmet Guy.
Gourmet Guy: Ouch! I have the feeling that this will start happening a lot once the little babies I saw become adults!
Soul Bubble: Die!
The Soul Bubble dives at Luigi, but Baby Luigi hammers it into a Shroob Rex.
Shrike: AAHH! IT BURNS!
Shrike blindly rams into a Shroobsworth, knocking the Intern Shroob off his back and into a Shroob Chomp pit.
Shroobsworth: NOOO!!! MY LIFE HAS NO MEANING!
Shroobsworth explodes, killing him and the Soul Bubble, and blasting Shrike into the distance.
Quartet: Uh-huh…
They continue, and see a blue pipe protected by a force field.
Random Shroob: You must hit the lasers found around this floor to get rid of the force field.
Luigi: That’s nice… Why did you tell us?
Random Shroob: Don’t question things you cannot understand.
Both Luigis pummel the alien. The whole laser event happened just the same (or similar) to the Gritzy Desert event, so read that chapter if you want to know. Anyway, they make it to the second floor!
Mario: Hey! This is just like Peach’s Castle in the present!
They go to the bridge area, and head to what will be Peach’s room in the present. However, Shroob UFOs destroy the bridge!
Mario and Luigi: D’oh!
Baby Luigi: How come this chapter isn’t letting us speak?!
Baby Mario: I don’t… AHH!
Baby Luigi: What the- AHH!
Luigi is picking a booger out of his nose, and eats it.
Babies: EW!
They both hammer Luigi.
Luigi: WAAH! MARIO! THE BABIES HURT ME!
Mario: Grow up.
Luigi: NEVAH!
They head into a stairway, which is the past version of the one they used to get to Gritzy Desert. On the balcony, they find a UFO!
Mario: Yays!
Stuffwell: I haven’t appeared-eth, yet!
Mario: Shut up!
The quartet enters the UFO and kills all the Shroobs in their UFOs. They then fly the ship to the top of the statue, but suddenly…
Lamek: DIE!
Lamek, utilizing a cannon somewhere on the castle walls, shoots down the UFO, and Mario and Luigi land in the basement.
Lamek: That’s for my wallet!
In the basement…
Baby Mario: Luigi! Why did you take his wallet?!
Baby Luigi: It had money in it.
Baby Mario: Well of course, but is there another reason?
Baby Luigi: Uh… no.
Baby Mario: …
Ghoul Guy: Perish!
Baby Luigi: That’s still not all that different from “Die”.
Ghoul Guy: That’s it! Fusion!
All the Ghoul Guys fuse into Ghoul(guy)lossus.
Baby Mario: Let me guess…
Baby Mario hammers the mask, and it cracks, revealing Lamek in a cockpit.
Baby Luigi: How’d you get down here so fast?
Lamek: You were out for awhile.
Baby Mario: How can you understand us?
Lamek: Magic.
Baby Mario throws his hammer at Lamek, knocking him out. He then hops into the cockpit, and heads for an escape pipe.
Giant Chomp: Huh?
Baby Mario shoots a laser from the robot, and vaporizes the giant Chomp.
Chomp: ALL I WANTED WAS A FRIEND! *dies*
Baby Mario uses a tractor beam to get the other three to come, and Baby Luigi throws Lamek out. The adults awaken.
Luigi: … What happened?
Mario: Who cares? We have to get back up!
Mario takes control, and flies the robot all the way up to the other side of the bridge on the floor, skipping the second laser thing. But…
Lamek: DIE, PART 2!
Lamek shoots from a cannon on the other side, and hits the robot.
Baby Luigi: How’d you come back up here so fast?
Lamek: Don’t question things you cannot understand.
The robot crashes, but the quartet makes it into what will be Peach’s room. They reappear near the giant Princess Shroob statue. They keep going up, and meet Peach!
Peach: I don’t remember my castle looking like this.
Mario: That’s because you were a baby when this happened.
Peach: Liar.
Mario: …
Suddenly, the room shakes!
Peach: Oh yeah, the mothership is attacking. You have to shoot it down. Now pay me for telling you!
Quartet: NEVAH!
They go into a big ship, and shoot a laser at the mothership.
Stuffwell: Uh, that won’t work-eth. You must knock-eth UFOs into it to damage-eth the mothership.
Mario does that.
UFO 1: OH MY DAD! THE MOTHERSHIP IS CRASHING!
UFO 2: Do we still get paid?
UFO 1: Yeah, I think so.
UFO 2: Then it’s not our problem.
UFO 1: Good point.
The UFOs leave, and the mothership crashes into the Princess Shroob statue.
Mario: Okay! This is it! Once we land this ship, it’s time to defeat the alien menace!
Luigi: Yeah!
Baby Mario: For once, I agree with me!
Baby Luigi: Me too!
Stuffwell: Let’s do-eth this thang!
Quartet: …
Stuffwell: … Yeah, I’ll admit-eth that was kind of dumb-eth.
Mario: For once, he said something good!
Stuffwell hops into his pocket.
Luigi: Okay, anyone have anything to do anything else before we finish this off?
Mario: CAN WE STOP WASTING TIME, and JUST FINISH THIS ADVENTURE, ALREADY?!
Luigi: Sorry. I just wanted this chapter to last eight pages.
Will the Mario
Quartet defeat Princess Shroob? Why did I waste this whole page? How did
Lamek move around the castle so fast? Who was Gadd’s imposter? Why did
the Shroob help the quartet? Wait and see!
CHAPTER 9: TWISTED SISTERS
The ship lands, and they head back into the room they were in, and find the crashed mothership.
Mario: Happies! We killed the Shroob monarch!
Then, Princess Shroob emerges from the wreckage!
Luigi: HOW ON PLIT DID YOU SURVIVE THAT?!
Princess Shroob: Silence, nonbeliever!
Mario: I guess it’s time we kill you, now.
Princess: Fine with me, I've got nothing better to do.
RPG BATTLE! Cue Possessed Peach Battle music!
Mario: 90/90
Luigi: 90/90
Baby Mario: 60/60
Baby Luigi: 60/60
Vs.
Princess Shroob:
150/150
Mario uses a Pocket Chomp! (one Chomp chase later) 30 damage!
Luigi uses a Green Shell! (soon) 20 damage!
Princess Shroob uses “Laser from the arms of the throne”. 20 damage each!
Mario: 70/90
Luigi: 70/90
Baby Mario: 60/60
Baby Luigi: 60/60
Vs.
Princess Shroob:
100/150
Mario uses a Copy Flower! A Baby Luigi clone messes it up! 10 damage!
Luigi uses a Trampoline! 20 damage!
Princess Shroob uses “Energy Sphere” on Luigi! 15 damage!
I use “Pebble” on Luigi! 55 damage! Luigi faints! Baby Luigi takes over!
Mario: 70/90
Luigi: 0/90
Baby Mario: 60/60
Baby Luigi: 60/60
Vs.
Princess Shroob:
70/150
Mario uses a Fire Flower. 20 damage!
Baby Luigi uses a Green Shell. 10 damage!
Princess Shroob
uses “Fast”! Gets another turn!
Princess Shroob
uses “Dual Kill”! Mario and Baby Luigi faint! Baby Mario takes over!
Mario: 0/90
Luigi: 0/90
Baby Mario: 60/60
Baby Luigi: 0/60
Vs.
Princess Shroob:
40/150
Baby Mario uses “Hammer”. 5 damage!
Princess Shroob
is still fast!
Princess Shroob
uses “Heal”. Gains 110 HP!
Princess Shroob
uses “Single Kill”. Baby Mario faints!
Princess Shroob
wins!
Battle over!
Mario: That couldn’t have not worked any better.
Luigi: I’ll say!
Stuffwell: OH NOES-ETH!
Mario: THAT’S IT!
Mario throws Stuffwell at Princess Shroob, knocking her out.
Princess Shroob: Gah! You’ve defeated me!
Quartet: …
Princess Shroob dies, and the force field around Peach fades.
Peach: Oh yeah, I just realized that I have the center piece of the Cobalt Star!
Mario: Give it to us!
Luigi: We have the others!
Peach: No! You’re not supposed to reassemble them. You see…
Flashback!
The time machine lands in Peach’s past throne room.
Toadiko: It looks the same!
Toadbert: Only party destroyed, by boogity!
Suddenly, Shroobs approach. So does a fatter, beastly looking version of Princess Shroob.
Peach: Who are you?
BLVOPS: I’m Elder Princess Shroob! Due! I mean Doe! I mean Dee! I mean Dae! I mean Dye! I mean DIE!
Peach: Bo-ring.
Peach throws the Cobalt Star at EPS, and as it passes her, it sucks her up. When it hits the ground, it shatters into 6 pieces. Peach and Toadbert each take one. The other 4 fly out the window. Meanwhile Princess Shroob captures Peach. And Jr. Shrooboid enters the time machine, before it heads back.
EPS (in the center shard): Hmm. Maybe I can use my alter ego, the Star Sprite, to help.
The Shroobs capture Toadiko, but Toadbert escapes. And he was drawing the whole thing on a paper. Back to adventure!
Mario: Okay…
Luigi: That was weird.
Baby Bowser then rises from the rubble!
Baby Bowser: Can we just end this?!
Baby Bowser puts the center shard into the center of the others, fixing the Cobalt Star!
Quartet: YOU FOOL!
Peach: Ooh! Shiny!
Suddenly, the Elder Princess appears and the platform that they are on is suddenly outside, as the rest of the statue is suddenly gone.
Elder Princess: DIE!
Luigi: Dude, chill!
Elder Princess: I’M A WOMAN!
Mario: Ouch!
Elder: SILENCE!
Suddenly, P.T. (in Orbulon’s UFO) crashes into the Elder Princess’ head, knocking her out.
Luigi: … That was easy.
Suddenly, the EPS comes back up, throws a meteor at P.T. to knock him out, and transforms into a monstrous version of herself.
Quartet: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
EPS roars. Her tentacles crush the quartet, killing them.
Mario: AAHH! WE FORGOT TO SAVE!
One repeat of the FF until this point later…
Crazy Koopa: You stole that from me! Die!
Crazy dives towards P.T.’s body, but Mario grabs him and throwz him at EPS.
Stuffwell: Don’t thou mean-eth, “Throws”?
Silence, nonbeliever! Anyway, Crazy leaves the FF, and EPS’s face hurts.
Mario: This is just weird!
Luigi: Yeah. I know! Mario, do you still have that Mini Bullet Bill Blaster?
Mario: Yes.
Luigi: Shoot it at the crown!
*click*
Mario: Dang! Out of ammo!
Mario takes Baby Mario’s hammer and throws it at the crown, shattering it.
EPS: HEY! THAT COST ME $100,000,000!
The adults throw the Babies at EPS’s head, where they hammer it into oblivion. She is now just a purple Mushroom.
Quartet: HAPPIES!
Lamek: Die!
Mario: Oh come on!
Mario throws Stuffwell at Lamek, knocking both of them over the edge. Then a Time Hole appears!
Luigi: Let’s-a go!
Mario: My line!
The quartet, Peach, and P.T. hop into the time hole. But Baby Luigi pockets the purple Mushroom. Back in the present.
P.T.: Well, that was weird. Bye!
P.T. leaves, and the quintet find Bowser lying in the throne room.
Luigi: Wait, didn’t Bowser die in the prequel?!
Mario: Didn’t you?
Luigi: Good point.
Bowser: Ugh. What happened last night? OOH!
Bowser steals the EPS Mushroom, and eats it. He becomes Shrowser, and Elder Princess’s ghost floats overhead.
Shrowser: Die!
Luigi: Excuse me for a sec.
Luigi leaves and comes back with the Poltergust. He sucks up the EPS ghost, and has it turned into a portrait. Shrowser becomes Bowser again.
Bowser: This is just too weird. I’m leaving.
Bowser leaves. Suddenly…
Old Voices: DIE! *cough*
An old Stuffwell and Lamek then come out of the shadows!
Old Stuffwell and Lamek: We shall kill you for leaving us in the past!
Mario: OH COME ON!
Luigi: Wait, why wouldn’t you kill us during the period between now and back then?
Old Stuffwell and Lamek: Who cares?
They’re about to attack, when they die of old age.
Quartet: …
Then, the real E. Gadd comes.
Gadd: Guys! I found this Shroobified Mushroom hop out of the Time Hole!
Luigi: How’d it do that?
Gadd: Don’t question things you cannot understand.
Luigi :…
Meanwhile, Baby Luigi drops an onion, and a tear gets on the Mushroom. It becomes Baby Bowser!
Gadd: Hey! I should use that to fix the past kingdom! … Nah.
Adults: …
EPILOGUE: AND I THOUGHT IT’D NEVER HAPPEN!
Young Toadsworth: Well, it’s been fun (not), but we must leave. Bye!
Young Toadsworth and all the babies head into a time hole. Oh, and DAD was SO confused, he made it so we’re back at the beginning.
E. Gadd: Welcome to the unveiling of my new device! A time machine!
Mario: One can only wonder why you haven’t made a time machine before.
Gadd: Silence, nonbeliever! Now, I need someone to test it on. Peach! Enter teh machine!
Peach: Don’t tell me what to do!
Gadd throws a penny into the machine.
Peach: PENNY!
Mario: Great. She goes from gluttony to greed. She’s like a second Wario… Woah. Déjà vu.
Luigi: Yeah. Hey! My first line in the story! I think.
She enters the machine, and Gadd presses some buttons. She disappears. She then comes back.
Peach: Gadd, that was boring! I’ll have you thrown in jail!
Gadd: D’oh!
This is what happened to everyone:
Mario: Started attacking every suitcase and Goomba he saw, because he was so tired of both Stuffwell and Lamek, even though they’re dead.
Luigi: Started wearing a helmet like Gourmet Guy, but it didn’t help.
Baby Mario: Grew into Mario.
Baby Luigi: Grew into Luigi.
Stuffwell: Dead.
Peach: Went to therapy about her greed and gluttony issues.
Baby Peach: Grew into Peach.
Toadsworth: Exploded.
Young Toadsworth: Grew into Toadsworth.
Bowser: Same-old, same-old.
Baby Bowser: Grew into Bowser.
Kylie: Still a Mushroom.
Toadbert: Still a Mushroom, by boogity.
Toadiko: Never appeared, so nothing happened.
Princess Shroob: Dead.
EPS: Dead.
Lamek: Dead.
Kamek: Lost in the sea of randomness, still.
P.T.: Continued to write things.
Bosses except Kamek: Dead. Except Petey, who made it back to the present.
Shroobs: Left Plit, because their leaders were defeated. But not before fixing it up.
Anyone I forgot: Nothing new.
Narrator: Exploded, but lived.
You: Exploded.
Meanwhile, in Nintendo…
Shigeru Miyamoto: Uh… We should probably stop letting that guy send us Mario game ideas.
Others: Agreed.
The End!
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