CHAPTER 17: THE PATHETIC PARTY MEMBERS
Purple runs across the room, and grabs his axe. But then Big Bungee Piranha lowers down and eats him! But Purple cuts his stem from the inside, and the main head falls down. But he lands so hard that he makes a hole that he falls through!
Larry: Purple! No!
A rock then
falls down, blocking the hole.
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But King Boo
is hit from behind with a wrench, and is dragged by a Grunty Industries
employee to the pointy-headed figure in a dark corner.
Figure: Throw him to the Crocodile.
The employee
leaves the area and enters the Quagmire area of Isle O’ Hags, and throws
King Boo to the crocodile in the toxic pond.
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The teams
run towards each other, and a barrier surrounds the arena. Chef Torte pulls
out a giant ladle and scoops up Petey with it, and throws him into Dragohoho’s
mouth.
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Shade pulls
out a bendy straw, bends it, inserts it in Chuckolator, and drinks him.
He then spits him out over the edge, but Shade is then pushed over the
edge by General Guy.
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P.T.: I’m
bored. I wonder if I can hop into that plant and float in a bubble like
DK.
He jumps… and the bubble spits him out towards the bottom, with all the sharp rocks. The pointy-headed figure is in the shadows.
Figure: Ha.
My plan worked.
---------------------------
Luvbi: Turtle
thing! Attack right there!
She uses her
wings to point to Hector’s location, but Hector eats her first.
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Torpedo Ted:
Torpedo Away!
Torpedo Ted
rams into Lakithunder, leaving the cloud, and they both run into a tree,
which violently explodes.
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The main Bungee
Piranha head is seen (with a hole in it, ew) on the ground. Purple is walking
through a tunnel, and he’s grabbed his left upper arm with his right hand.
His left hand is holding his axe.
Purple: Stupid plant. I didn’t know his head weighed that much.
Some Redeads appear.
Purple: AAHH! I’m too weak to fight them right now! And I’m not fast enough to run away!
Suddenly, Purple sees a ladder. He quickly climbs it (with his axe in his mouth) and finds himself on the ledge where the figure stood.
Purple: Hey! A warp pipe!
He hops down and
lands in the pipe.
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An alligator
walks out of toxic waste, and King Boo flies out of its body.
King Boo: That was easy.
Crocodile: I really wish you hadn’t done that.
King Boo: You were going to eat me!
Crocodile: No I wasn’t! Why does everyone assume I’m violent?
King Boo: Fine, I’m sorry. Now may I leave?
Crocodile: I’m not the boss of you.
King Boo heads
into a warp pipe he finds.
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Dragohoho wakes
up in the arena. The lights are off now. He finds that he’d crushed both
Torte and Jojora to death, or at least severe unconsciousness. He then
gets a strange sensation. Is he? He is! He’s laying an egg?! Anyway, Dragohoho
leaves and the egg hatches to reveal that Petey Piranha is inside! King
Boo appears.
King Boo: Petey!
Petey: Boo!
King Boo: Never call me that.
Petey: Yes, Mommy.
King Boo: …
The two friends are about to leave, when they hear a voice.
Voice: Petey? King Boo? Is that you?
King Boo: Purple? Is that you?
Purple: Yes!
Petey: Purple! You’re alive!
Purple: Yes, I am. It seems everyone has moved on.
King Boo: No, you think?!
Purple: Hey! Maybe
there are more people up ahead, so let’s go!
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Shade is floating
in space. He wakes up.
Shade: What the? Where am I? … Oh yeah, I fell off the fountain thing.
He looks up to see it high above him.
Shade: I think I can still make it!
He “swims” up, and as he gets closer, he finds that gravity is taking effect, and he’s now falling.
Shade: COME ON!
Petey then flies down, eats him, and flies back up, then spits him out next to the warp pipe.
Shade: You are disgusting!
Petey: Tell it to the judge!
Shade: What judge?
Petey: Uh, KB, back me up!
King Boo: I got nothing.
Purple: Let’s
just go.
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P.T. is in a
dark black space. But he hears a voice.
Voice: P.T. Wake up! Larry needs you.
P.T.: James Earl Jones? What’re you doing in my mind while I’m unconscious?
JEJ: Uh, definitely not hacking into your save files in all your videogames, if that’s what you’re saying! (Phew.)
P.T.: Uh, okay.
JEJ: You’ve got to wake up and help Larry get that revenge!
P.T.: But I’m dead! Again.
JEJ: No you’re not! Look inside your pocket.
P.T. does so, and pulls out a crayon.
JEJ: Since you got that in your pocket, you can’t die… Though it’s used up, now.
P.T.: Um, when did this get put in here?
JEJ: DO NOT QUESTION JAMES EARL JONES! NOW WAKE UP!
P.T.: How?
Goop falls onto P.T., and he wakes up to find Petey has spit on him, with Shade, King Boo, and Purple nearby.
P.T.: Hi, guys! I fell down, then I saw my life flash before my eyes, then James Earl Jones entered my mind-
Shade: We don’t
have time for this! We’ve got to keep going!
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Hector the Reflector
is sleeping, but wakes up.
Hector: Ugh, something in my tummy does NOT agree with me!
He spits out a big watermelon with a hole in it, and it hits a wall. After returning to sleep, Luvbi comes out of the melon.
Luvbi: Hiding in the watermelon to protect myself from his stomach acid was smart! Though I don’t know how that helped…
King Boo: Little angel thingy! You’re alive!
Luvbi: I have a name…
Purple: Ignore him. Do you know where Torpedo Ted and Larry are?
Luvbi: No.
P.T. walks up to everyone, dragging Torpedo Ted’s unconscious body behind him.
P.T.: Found him! He’s sleeping like a baby!
Shade: I don’t think that’s sleep. I think he’s dead.
Torpedo Ted: Did someone say bread?
Shade: … Never mind.
Petey: Torpedo Ted, where’s Larry?
Torpedo Ted: I don’t know. He and I were the only ones left after that ghost over there ate Fluffy. So I attacked Lakithunder, and we both died in an explosion!
Purple: Yet you’re alive…
Luvbi: My name is not Fluffy!
Shade: So Larry must be up ahead! Come on, people! Into that pipe!
Everyone enters the pipe and finds themselves in the room in Bowser’s Castle with Zant’s body.
All but Shade and Luvbi: Zant!
Shade and Luvbi: Who?
Torpedo: It’s all coming back to me, because I’m a torpedo! You two haven’t met him yet!
One explanation later…
Shade and Luvbi: Oh.
They all enter the door, and said door bars itself behind them. They’re in the Throne Room.
Kamek: Well, well, well. You survived!
Purple: Kamek, where were you? We haven’t seen you since the Rabbids took you away!
P.T. and Torpedo Ted: And we haven’t seen you since you fell into the twilight in Rayman’s world!
Petey: What’s with the red cloak? Blue one get dirty?
Kamek: No! Anyway, ever since I found this book, I’ve been trying to piece together the new prophecy! Once the King of Koopas dies, the 7th Koopa Heir, Insane Fist Master, Big Piranha Plant, Purple Axem Ranger, Ghost King, Crazy Torpedo, Revived Shy Guy, and Personified Pure Heart must be together after 17 and a half Chapters of an FF, then I can become the most powerful person ever!
King Boo: If you wanted us together, why would you have your minions waste us?
Kamek: So I can capture Larry alone! He’s already having his life force taken out of him. And after 10 minutes, he’s as good as gone! Then I’ll move on to the rest of you!
Ashton Kutcher: Ha! We punk’d you! You guys got punk’d! We punk’d you! You’re punk’d! Go on say it!
Party Members (some more enthusiastic than others): We got punk’d.
Back at wherever Ashton does his talks…
Ashton: Man, today was a good day. We just punk’d Larry Koopa’s party members. You see this hat? This is a REAL trucker’s hat! THIS is good for punking!
Purple: Shut up! We get the point!
Ashton: You’re not supposed to be here!
Purple: …
Back at the castle…
Purple: Not if we stop you! Fellow Party Members! Attack!
All the party members but Luvbi rush into battle.
Luvbi: Yeah, I’m not much of a fighter.
Shade: (rushing into battle) Neither am I, but lookie here!
Purple leaps up and slices Kamek, but Kamek disappears and reappears behind Purple, then shocks him with his wand.
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!
He rams Kamek into a wall, making a hole. A room where Larry is in a test tube is revealed.
Luvbi: Maybe I can free the turtle guy.
Back in the fight, Kamek transforms his wand into a flail and knocks Torpedo Ted away. P.T. shoots fire arrows at him, and Kamek swoops down to hurt him, but he jumps, shoots arrows, lands, and continues shooting, and Shade jumps and kicks Kamek in the head. But he grabs Shade by the foot, and throws him at P.T., vanishes and reappears next to them, and beats them both savagely with his flail. King Boo throws bombs (Luigi’s Mansion final battle bombs) at Kamek, but Kamek runs towards the ghost, dodging the bombs, and is about to hit KB, but Petey knocks the weapon out of Kamek’s hand with a goop ball.
Petey: Now to fight, according to what we know of my upcoming appearance in Super Smash Bros. Brawl!
Petey pulls out two iron cages and swings them around, but Kamek keeps dodging, and he hits King Boo, instead.
Petey: Sorry, buddy.
P.T. and Purple appear and hold Kamek down.
Purple: Now, Petey!
But Kamek vanishes and the cage hits the ground, making a hole in the floor! Kamek takes a cage from Petey, hits him with it to knock him out, and actually traps him in it! He then grabs the other and throws it at Luvbi, who’s trying to free Larry. It knocks her out, and he appears there to put her in it. Kamek then puts them on the conveyer belt that appeared out of nowhere, and the two of them are now in their own test tubes.
Kamek: Nothing wrong with moving quicker than normal!
Purple comes up and hacks at the test tubes containing Larry with his axe, but to no avail. Kamek then grabs him by his throat, causing him to drop his axe.
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!
He rams into Kamek, but Kamek moves, and he hits a wall. King Boo grabs Purple’s axe, then hits Kamek with it! Purple is released, and he takes his axe back. He then unleashes his purple fury on Kamek.
King Boo: Purple fury?
Yes, purple fury! Shade notices a timer on Larry’s test tube. 2 and a half minutes left.
Shade: Uh, guys, we’re running out of time.
King Boo: I know what to do!
King Boo turns the test tube intangible, and Larry falls out. Purple feeds him a Refreshroom.
Larry: What happened?
One explanation later… Oh, and King Boo freed Petey and Luvbi.
Larry: What?! That jerk! How dare Kamek betray us?!
Kamek: You freed them?!
Larry: Kamek, why?!
Kamek: So the new prophecy will be completed! I had to find some way to get you all together into this situation, so I brainwashed Smithy, and added the rule of beating Smithy, to make the FF longer!
Larry: You fiend!
Kamek: That’s an insult only because it’s not the level of evil I was going for! But enough! I’ve gotten enough power, anyway!
He glows and becomes a giant, black version of Wracktail. He’s so huge that Bowser’s Castle is now all but destroyed due to his size!
Kamek: I AM NOW ON THE SAME LEVEL AS DAD! YOU MAY ADDRESS ME AS GIGA KAMEK!
P.T.: Oh man. He’s so big and scary, I can’t think of anything funny and/or witty to say! Though technically, this could count as one.
Larry: Aw man…
CHAPTER 18: THE WICKED WIZARD
Shade: … Can anyone figure out how strong he is? Like, what’s his level, HP, ATK, and DEF?
P.T.: I’ll check.
He takes out the Telescope from LOZ: Windwaker. All he sees through it is a game of Pong. The right paddle loses.
P.T.: It’s over NINE-THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND!!!
Petey: What? 9,000?
Shade: In HP, ATK, or DEF?
P.T.: All three.
GIGA KAMEK: BWAHAHA! I’M SO POWERFUL, MY NAME IS IN CAPS, TOO!
King Boo: That settles it. We’re doomed.
GIGA KAMEK breathes a bomb-shaped fireball at the “heroes” in the castle, and it explodes! The castle is in ruins!
Larry: KING DAD’S CASTLE! YOU DIE NOW!
GIGA KAMEK: I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!
He swoops down, and everyone dodges.
Larry: I have an idea! If he’s like Frack/Wracktail, that orb on his head must be a weak spot! Flying party members, attack!
FPM: Say the magic word.
Larry: Or else…
FPM: … That’ll do.
Petey Piranha, King Boo, Torpedo Ted, and Luvbi fly up to GIGA KAMEK’S head. Gackles (GIGA KAMEK’S Frackles) start shooting lasers at the members.
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!
Torpedo Ted flies towards the orb, but GIGA KAMEK turns his head and eats Torpedo Ted. He then spits him out at Luvbi, knocking both of them away.
Petey: Ha ha!
King Boo: I’ve got an idea!
He tries to possess a Gackle, but is immediately expelled from its body. He falls to the ground.
GIGA KAMEK: YOUR WIMPY MOVES WON’T WORK ON A POWERFUL WIZARD LIKE MYSELF!
Petey: … I’ll give up now.
He gets swatted by the tail, and falls to the ground.
Larry: Oh my…
Purple: … Now what?!
Larry: I don’t know! He’s so strong! We should at least find some way to get to-
P.T.: He’s coming!
He’s now on ground level, biting at the party, but everyone gets out of the way. Larry gets an idea.
Larry: Purple! Get on his back, and run mindlessly, slashing things!
Purple: WHAT?! You saw how-
Larry: Do it, or I’ll send bad people to your house!
Purple: You don’t even know where-
Larry: NOW!
Purple: Fine, fine!
Purple goes over and jumps onto his back. GIGA KAMEK’S now in the air, and Purple takes Larry’s advice. He rushes in, axe first, slashing all the Gackles. The dragon starts to loop, but Purple grabs onto the antenna. He climbs up it, maybe down (due to the loop), and reaches the orb. With one hand on the antenna, he uses the other hand to plunge the axe deep into the ball.
GIGA KAMEK: GAAAAAAHHHH!!! EJECT MANEUVER! SWITCH FROM ROBOT DRAGON TO BEAST DRAGON!
GIGA KAMEK launches the antenna off his head like a rocket, and it crashes into a mountain.
Purple: Ow…
Purple goes unconscious. GIGA KAMEK then turns into a black version of Bonetail.
GIGA KAMEK: ROOOOOARR!!!
King Boo: Again, doomed!
Larry: Okay, okay… Purple’s knocked out a few yards away, Kamek is now a scary dragon, and King Boo is right for once.
King Boo: For once?
GIGA KAMEK: GOOD THING THIS FORM HAS NO WEAKNESS! NOW YOU WILL ALL DIE A VIMMY DEATH!
Shade: Vimmy?
Larry: Idiot! Vim is the Mario version of blood! Or at least now it is, since the author’s writing what he feels like.
Shade: Oh. Okay.
GIGA KAMEK: YOU’RE ALL DOOMED!
P.T.: We got the picture.
The Mega Shell then runs into GIGA KAMEK, causing him to fall over. It bounces off a mountain, then runs into his head, hurting him.
GIGA KAMEK: CURSES! SWITCH FROM BEAST DRAGON FORM TO DAD LEVEL!
Luvbi: And he’s already as powerful as DAD!
P.T.: I’ve always been confused. If DAD’S the god of the Mario universes, then what’s Grambi for?
Luvbi: My dad is his second in command, after DAD Jr.
Everyone: I guess that’ll do.
GIGA KAMEK: WITH THE POWER OF DAD, I’LL BE UNSTOPPABLE!
He then explodes. Dark Land is a crater. Larry wakes up to find a normal Kamek, in a black robe with a black glow. He now has a demonic voice accompanying his own.
Kamek: You die now! I’ll make you wish you were dead, spare you until you’re ready to live, then kill you!
Larry: Ahh! (I can’t do this alone! I need some people to take some hits, and then I can steal the glory at the last second!) Anyone awake?
P.T. comes out of under a rock.
P.T.: Huh?
Larry: Petey?
Petey is unconscious.
Larry: King Boo?
He phases out of some rocks.
King Boo: Here I am!
Shade: So am I!
Larry: Just you three?! This won’t work.
King Boo: Why not?
Shade: I think he thinks we aren’t good enough.
King Boo: You think he thinks we aren’t good enough? Really?
Shade: I think so.
King Boo: Why not?
Shade: That is a good question, King Boo. It reminds me of the time a few episodes ago when we had to face a dangerous task. It was just you and me against the bad guys and the sky was dark and cloudy… *sigh* Good times…
King Boo: What are you talking about?
Larry: That’s what I’d like to know! Can we please just get back to the evil guy?
P.T., King Boo, and Shade: Okay.
Torpedo Ted: I’m alive!
Luvbi and Petey appear.
Luvbi: Look who’s finally up! Enjoy your nap, princess?
Petey: For someone with love in your name, kind of, you sure are full of hate.
Purple walks over to everyone.
Purple: I can’t believe I survived!
P.T.: Whatever.
Purple: … Nice to see you care about me.
Larry: Now to kill him! ATTACK!
Larry and Co. charge towards Kamek. Larry leaps up and swings his racket a lot, and Purple does the same with his axe. Kamek feels nothing, and punches them both away with both hands.
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!
He charges at Kamek, but Kamek grabs him and throws him at Larry and Purple, but Larry volleys him back.
Kamek: DARK RACKET!
His wand becomes a racket and he volleys it back. It goes on and on, and Shade comes from behind Kamek, and punches him. Torpedo Ted then explodes on Kamek. Kamek is unscathed. He then picks up Shade, and burns him. Petey then up and eats him.
Luvbi: That’s gross!
Petey’s then changed! He and Kamek are fusing! What’s left is Kamek with Petey’s leaf arms and his head.
Luvbi: … Okay, that’s gross.
He then shoots a dark ball at Luvbi. The ball comes back and Kamek eats it. He then obtains her wings!
Shade: Oh my DAD, he’s fusing with us!
Kamek: You’re a smart one, aren’t you? Now you all die!
P.T.: Says you!
P.T. then shoots the clawshot at him and aims for his open mouth, in an attempt to free Luvbi (Petey wasn’t eaten). But Kamek closes his mouth.
Kamek (through his teeth): Oh, and there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you since Chapter 1. YOU FAIL!
He then sucks up the Clawshot like a spaghetti noodle, with P.T. still holding on. P.T. tries to chop the chain, but it doesn’t work. He’s eaten, but then comes out, and is holding on to keep from getting eaten.
P.T.: Torpedo Ted, quick! Use my Pictobox to take a picture of me getting eaten by the monster!
Torpedo Ted: Duh, okay!
Everyone Else: …
Torpedo Ted takes a picture, and gives it to P.T.
P.T.: Dang! My eyes were closed!
Larry: How can you tell through your shades?
P.T. is then eaten. Kamek now gets P.T.’s body, minus the head.
Purple: We know how this story works! Eventually, Larry will be the only one left!
Kamek then eats Shade.
Purple: See?
Kamek then gets Shade’s purple shoes, and the trench coat becomes blue.
Larry: Yep.
King Boo: I can try to phase everyone out of there!
King Boo turns intangible and enters Kamek’s belly, but is forcibly turned tangible in the belly.
Kamek: Ha! You thought you could save your friends!
He gets King Boo’s crown on his head, since he technically ate him.
Purple: We are so doomed. I mean, look! Torpedo Ted is over there, jumping off a diving board into Kamek’s mouth!
Larry: To advance the plot, you should, too.
Purple joins Torpedo Ted. Kamek gets Purple’s axe, and the Petey head becomes a Torpedo Ted.
Larry: So doomed.
Kamek: BEHOLD! I HAVE ALL YOUR POWER!
Kamek flies towards Larry, and swings his axe, but Larry ducks into his shell. Larry then jumps and kicks Kamek away.
P.T. (off-screen): Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Double Dentist Demolition!
P.T. and King Boo come out of Kamek’s mouth (with their feet still in him), and are dentists. They’re messing around with his teeth.
P.T.: Assistant, I believe this is the worst set of teeth ever!
King Boo: I concur!
They both use hammers to hit his body from the side.
Kamek: GAAH!
They then jump out (also as themselves again). Kamek’s in his cloak again, but it’s still blue, and he has no crown now.
Larry: You’re alive!
Kamek: Not for long!
He grabs P.T. and throws him at a rock, then Larry jumps and does the Larry Bomb on Kamek, and King Boo throws a bomb, and Kamek and Larry are sent sky high. Larry gets into his shell and rams into Kamek a few times. Kamek hits him with his axe a few times. P.T. is now with them, and smacks Kamek with the Ball N’ Chain, and the two “heroes” beat up Kamek. King Boo intangibly flies through him, freeing Purple and Luvbi. Kamek loses his axe and his wings, causing him to crash down to the crater that once was Dark Land. Larry then gets into his shell and drops down spikes first, and damages Kamek! Kamek wakes up inside a submarine, and P.T. is the captain.
P.T.: Quick! Fire the torpedo!
King Boo: Right!
King Boo stuffs Kamek into the torpedo tube, since he has a torpedo head. The rest of him is sticking out of the tube. King Boo manages to stuff him in, and closes the tube.
P.T.: Fire!
Purple: At whom?
P.T.: Silence! Just press the button!
Purple: … Fine.
He does and Kamek is launched at the Big Blooper from SPM.
Big Blooper: Not the red tentacle!
The scene is normal, and Kamek has his own head again. Torpedo Ted is free! Purple comes and slashes Kamek’s leaves in half (gross), and the leafs then poof away, thus causing Kamek to turn into Petey. Petey spits Kamek out. But Shade’s still in him. However, Larry volleys pebbles at him, and he spits Shade out.
Luvbi: This is just messed up.
Larry: He’s at his weakest! Let’s finish this!
Bowser’s ghost appears.
Bowser: Here! Take this!
He hands Larry a Starman.
Larry: King Dad! How- When-
Bowser: Silence! It’s just basic climax magic! And it must not be questioned! Now take the Starman, or you’re grounded!
Larry: … Good old King Dad…
Bowser throws him the Starman. Larry glows and that music starts playing.
Purple: Quick, Larry! Take my axe!
Larry takes his axe, and it grows to giant proportions! Larry runs towards Kamek and Shell Slides into him. Kamek’s knocked into the air, and Larry axes him a lot. He takes out his paddle, and it turns into a second axe! Larry goes to town on Kamek. Larry throws Purple’s axe back to him, and it shrinks back down.
Purple: I wish it’d be that way for me.
P.T.: Aim for the tummy!
Larry then takes one large swing at Kamek, and Kamek explodes! Larry lands back on the ground, and the Starman has worn off. Larry’s axe is now a racket again. Something then lands in front of him. It’s a Dry Bones in a black, torn-up cloak.
Petey: Dude! You totally wasted him!
Shade: Way to go!
Luvbi: My mom will have her hands full with him!
The corpse then rises up!
Kamek: You numbskulls! I’m a freaking wizard! I can keep myself alive!
P.T.: But you’re a Dry Bones.
Kamek: … I know…
Torpedo Ted: You died!
Kamek: No, I didn’t!
Larry: Give up, Kamek! You’re powerless! You don’t even have your wand!
Kamek: I can do magic without a wand!
Kamek then charges up an energy blast.
Purple: He just doesn’t know when to quit!
He then aims it at the ground. The ground beneath him turns red, and it spreads around! It touches Larry’s feet, and burns him.
Larry: Ow! We’ve gotta get away!
They try to climb over the rocks, but can’t escape.
Larry: … I know!
Larry grabs a rock, and then volleys it at Kamek. It flies so quickly, it knocks his skull off his body, ceasing the redness.
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Whirlwind!
He sends the bones to the four corners of Plit.
Kamek: I can still defeat you!
Larry: Hey, Kamek. Guess what?
Kamek: What?
Larry: You were the worst Magikoopa ever!
Larry shell slams into the skull, knocking it into Petey’s mouth. Petey then swallows.
Luvbi: We did it!
King Boo: We won!