CHAPTER 13: THE WEIRD WORLD
In the X-Naut Base, we see Grodus’s body with Zant’s helmet. Suddenly, the helmet glows and stops. The whole thing then starts to move! Meanwhile, the group is in Rayman’s World.
Larry: Now what?
Grodus: We have to protect the Heart of the World.
Suddenly, P.T. and Kamek are pulled underground.
Larry, Purple, King Boo, and Grodus: AHH!
Petey: I thought only my grandpa, my dad, and I could do that!
Some more holes appear, but they dodge. Weird bunnies rise up.
Bunnies (holding plungers): DAAAHHH!!!
Suddenly, Purple defeats them in one, sweeping motion.
Larry: Wow, you’re good.
Purple: Thanks, but what just happened?
Voice: It’s Rabbid Season. It could be a while before your friends escape.
Purple: Who are you?
Voice: I am Rayman.
Party and Grodus: …
Rayman: The hero of this world.
Party and Grodus: Uh, okay.
Rayman: You’re not from around here, are you?
Larry: No. We’re here to protect the Heart.
Rayman: Oh, that’d be nice. We could all use the help.
Meanwhile, on a ship in the sky…
Captain Razorbeard: So let me get this straight. You want your hoodlums to team up with my robot pirates?
Andre’ (as a black lum): Yes! That way, we could rule with iron, lum, and bodyless fists!
Captain: What was that last one?
Andre’: Oh, I got Mr. Dark to join us.
Mr. Dark: How’s it going?
Captain: Okay. Hey, maybe we should try to form an alliance with the Rabbids.
Mr. Dark: Impossible, I tried. Once they capture you, you’ll spend, at the least, 18 days in their custody.
Captain: I see.
Meanwhile, in the abandoned base…
Zant (on Grodus’s body): Ha! I’m alive! But this body is way too fat! Change-o!
He changes Grodus’s body into his own body.
Zant: Ah. Good thing I can change any body I have into my original! And now I have my own version of Grodus’s staff. Now to follow those n00bs.
He enters the portal. Meanwhile, Kamek and P.T. wake up in a cell.
Kamek: Where are we? And where’s my wand?
P.T.: And my weapons?
Serguei (the guard bunny): Daaah!!!
P.T.: He must want us to follow him.
In the arena, they are forced to enter 1 of the 4 open doors.
Voice: Bunnies don’t know what to do with cows!
Kamek: Who said that?
Voice: I know where you live, Kamek!
Kamek: 0_0
Maid Bunny: DAAAHHH!!!
Voice: You must grab the cow and swing it around, then toss it! Whichever one of you throws it the furthest wins! Kamek’s first! But first, let me show you the ranking system:
Great -> Good
enough -> Baby
Kamek: Okay, let’s see.
Kamek grabs the chain that the cow is attached to, and attempts to swing it with the cow, but gets back pain.
Voice: Here’s
your ranking!
Kamek: I’d care more if my back wasn’t breaking.
Voice: P.T.’s turn!
P.T. (from the distance): Woo, woo!
Kamek: Hmm?
Suddenly, P.T. is driving a train and rams into the cow, knocking it as far as it will go.
P.T.: I went away for a bit! If you wonder why, too bad! I’m not revealing my loco motive!
Voice: Here’s
your ranking!
Kamek: D’oh!
Meanwhile…
Rayman: Since the Hoodlum Incident, there’s a new security system guarding the Heart. We have to get the Scepter of the Leptys.
King Boo: And that would be...?
Rayman: The Desert of the Knaaren.
Purple: The what?
Rayman: The invincible species that lives in a desert. You can’t kill them, but they WILL kill you without hesitation.
Grodus: Well, at least the worst is behind me. I’m only a head.
Rayman: You’d be surprised.
Grodus: 0 0
(I didn’t add the mouth part, because he has no visible mouth.)
Larry: How do we get there?
Rayman: I usually take the Teensie Highways.
Petey: The what?
Rayman: Just enter that portal, and all will be explained.
They head into the portal. Meanwhile…
Captain: So what’s next?
Andre’: I say we gather up a bunch of black lums.
Captain: What about robots?
Andre’: Don’t you have a mechanic?
Captain: So?
Mr. Dark: What about me?
Andre’: You don’t have any fleets, just random minions.
Zant: Hello?
Captain: Who dares stowaway on my ship?!
Zant: The Usurper King, Zant. Anyway, I’d like to help you. Because… Tell me what you wanted to do with the Heart?
Andre’: Make the world a place for black lums, robots, and whatever Mr. Dark wants.
Zant: Not exactly a bad goal. How would you attack?
Andre’: Barge in and attack.
Captain: Not bad.
Zant: NOT GOOD! Anyway, you need the Leptys staff to get in. But why not do THIS?
He shoots a beam from his staff, and a nearby hoodlum becomes a twilit hoodlum.
Mr. Dark, Captain, and Andre’: WOAH!!!
Zant: That’s nothing compared to what we can do! So, join me and anything is possible!
The 3 Rayman villains huddle and talk for a bit, then-
Andre’: We’ll join!
All 4 laugh. Meanwhile, here are the respective scores for Day 1.
P.T.:
Kamek:
Kamek: At least that last one was good enough.
Voice: The clear winner is P.T.! He gets a plunger!
P.T.: Just what I always wanted!
Kamek: Since when?
P.T.: Silence, nonbeliever! Anyway, just relax. Maybe you’ll have a better day tomorrow. I mean, we’ll be here at least 17 more days. All we have to do is stack the plungers on the wall, and reach the window.
Kamek: Or we could just try to find our stuff and leave.
P.T.: That’s the Baby Method 2.0! We need the Great Method 3.0!
Kamek: Easy for you to say! All your scores were Great. I kept getting Baby… and one Good Enough.
P.T.: Too bad!
The next day, the scores go like this.
P.T.:
Kamek:
Kamek: I DID EVEN WORSE TODAY!
P.T.: Baby.
Kamek: …
One day earlier…
They’re riding on snowboards, on paths of light in a 60’s-70’s themed tunnel.
Larry: What is this?!
Rayman: The Teensie Highway.
Petey: This background is very pretty- AHHHHHHH!!!
He misses a jump and falls down. King Boo (who was riding on his shoulders) possesses Petey into flying.
Petey (King Boo): Why didn’t you fly yourself?
Petey: (Silence, nonbeliever!)
But King Boo gets tired, and leaves Petey’s body. Since he kept using Petey’s body, that means Petey’s tired, so they both fall down.
Purple: Now what?
Rayman: We should probably get them.
Rayman jumps off the board, and falls down. Larry (carrying Grodus) and Purple do the same. They land in a murky swamp.
Larry: Where are we?
Rayman: The Bog of Murk…
Purple: How do we get to the Desert of the Knaaren from here?
Rayman: Well, this crazy hunter has a magic mirror in his mansion’s basement. But I don’t think we ought to go that way. He’s still a little sore.
Larry: Too bad!
Grodus: Uh, Larry, is it? Maybe we should listen to the guy who lives in this world.
Larry: Fine. How else can we escape?
Rayman: We could just search. I mean, I heard that there’s a portal to somewhere around here, somewhere.
Purple: Wait, what about Petey and KB?
Larry: We’ll look for them and then look for the portal.
With Petey and King Boo…
Petey: Where are we?
Razoff (the hunter): Ah! Two more things to hunt!
Petey: Or how about this?
He eats him.
King Boo: Ew.
Petey: Oh well. Hey, look!
He sees a magic mirror.
King Boo: Ooh! Shiny! Let’s see where it leads!
They enter the mirror and head to the Desert of the Knaaren. With the villains…
Mr. Dark: … So what now?
Zant: Anything! We could do anything to this world.
Captain: Like...
Zant: This!
He coats the whole Clearleaf Forest in twilight.
Captain: Sweet! Let’s terrorize that stadium down there near the black stuff!
Mr. Dark: That would be the Rabbid Stadium.
Captain: Ohhh…
Andre’: What IS that black stuff?
Zant: Twilight. Don’t enter it, or you’ll be my slave. Even though I’m in charge as is.
Mr. Dark: What?
Zant: Well, I’m the most powerful one here!
Captain: Only ‘cause of that staff.
Zant: The one that can do this?
He traps Razorbeard in an arena with twilit messengers.
Captain: What?
Andre’: He can beat those!
Mr. Dark: Yeah, I mean- Wait, he never fought Rayman! Rayman just fought his robot!
Andre’: Oh…
The messengers beat the motor oil out of Razorbeard.
Mr. Dark: Ouch.
Zant: Anyone want to question me now?
Mr. Dark: Well, I don’t understand you, so no.
Crazy Koopa: Finally, someone listens!
Andre’: I guess not.
Meanwhile…
Purple: So where are we supposed to look for Petey and KB?
Rayman: I don’t know…
Larry: Well THAT’S certainly helpful!
Rayman: Well just because I live in this world, doesn’t mean I know everything!
Suddenly, bullets fly by.
Larry, Purple, and Rayman: AAHH!
Grodus (in Larry’s shell): What? What is it?
Razoff is in a motorboat heading towards the quartet, shooting.
Razoff: I may have escaped from that giant plant and the ghost in that desert, but at least I can still hunt on my home turf!
Larry: Plant and ghost in the desert? He must be talking about Petey and King Boo!
Purple: And if he was with them, they must’ve used the mirror in his mansion!
Rayman: I know where that is! Follow me-
He gets hit by a bullet and falls underwater.
Purple: You asked for it!
He slices the boat in 2.
Razoff: Oh noes! I can’ts swims!
He sinks and dies.
Larry: Wow.
Rayman: emerges.
Rayman: Boy, those piranhas are tough. Okay, let’s go!
In the mansion…
Larry: Guys! I found the mirror!
Purple: Let’s go!
They all jump in. Meanwhile…
Captain: So what should we do next?
Zant: We’ll take over that arena down there.
Mr. Dark: The Rabbid place? I don’t think so!
Zant: Just watch.
Meanwhile (Oh, and by now the others and the villains are up to the next day, so they’re all at the same time)…
P.T.: Two plungers! I’m so proud!
Kamek: …
Suddenly, a black beam lowers into the stadium and affects Serguei before he can take them to their cell.
TWILIT RABBID: SERGUEI
Kamek: This seems familiar.
A plunger hits Kamek in the back.
Kamek: Ow… P.T.! They like you! Get them to help!
P.T.: Okay. *ahem* DAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Rabbids: DAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
The Rabbids throw all the weapons (except for Kamek’s) to the ground.
P.T.: Ha!
Suddenly, Mr. Dark and Captain Razorbeard land.
Mr. Dark: Now with this guy helping, we’ll beat you, three on two!
Voice: Actually, three on three! I’ve been here the longest and only had one important role! But I’m here to help all over again, because…
A black blur bursts from the ground.
Torpedo Ted: I’M A TORPEDO!
P.T.: YOU!
Kamek: … Who?
Torpedo Ted rams into Serguei, knocking him out.
Mr. Dark: He just took out the big Rabbid!
P.T.: Now it’s time for a rousing trip to Vegas! I’m DOWN WITH IT!
P.T. lowers himself underground and pops up on a giant spinning wheel as the spinner, with a giant dial on top.
Kamek: No, I’ve seen that attack!
P.T.: THE P.T. ROULETTE! Someone’s guilty, now let’s reveal the suspects!
The wheel glows and stops, revealing 6 spaces like this:
Torpedo Ted
Kamek
Mr. Dark
Center
Serguei
Kamek
Razorbeard
Kamek: I’M ON THERE TWICE?!
Meanwhile…
Larry and Purple: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!
Rayman: You have to stay off the sand.
Larry and Purple: OWOWOW-We knew that-OWOWOW!
Rayman: …
Suddenly, the ground collapses and they’re in a cave.
Rayman: The Knaaren Caves…
Voices: Who’s there?
Rayman: (whispering) Be quiet.
Grodus (still in the shell): What?
Voices: Over there!
Rayman: (hushed tone) You dome head!
2 Knaaren appear.
Rayman: RUN!
Purple: I’m no chicken!
RPG BATTLE!
Purple: 250/250
Vs.
Knaaren 1: 1000000000000000/1000000000000000
Knaaren 2: 1000000000000000/1000000000000000
Purple: Never mind.
Purple uses, “Run Away”!
BATTLE OVER!
Larry: RUN!
They run away. Meanwhile…
P.T. (as the spinner, holding an arrow): Who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it beeeeee?
The arrow lands on Mr. Dark.
Mr. Dark: Me?! Why not best two out of three?
P.T.: The Discipline Dial says… Meteorites will fall all around you!
The meteorites land.
Mr. Dark: OUCH!!!
Kamek: AAUUGH!
Captain: IT BURNS!
Torpedo Ted: TEH PAIN!
Serguei punches the meteorite before it hits him, causing it to crumble.
Torpedo Ted: I thought this was Mr. Dark’s punishment…
Soon…
P.T.: Who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it beeeeee? … These two!
He’s pointing to Torpedo Ted and Mr. Dark.
Mr. Dark: Me again?!
Torpedo Ted: Both of us?!
P.T.: 1,000 hornets!
All 5 (minus Serguei): RUN!!!
Mr. Dark is chasing Torpedo Ted, and jumps. He’s now sitting on Torpedo Ted’s back as he flies away from the hornets.
Torpedo Ted: Hey! Get off!
As he tries to get Mr. Dark off, the hornets come and sting them. Meanwhile…
Larry: Keep running! I hear them behind us!
Purple: But there are voices from ahead!
Larry: We’re trapped!
Rayman: Follow me!
He jumps over the edge.
Larry: What? We could die!
Purple: The Knaaren already made up their minds about killing us, but the ground might not have!
He jumps and Larry follows him. At the ground…
Larry: Ouch…
Grodus: HEY! I’M STILL IN HERE! WATCH IT!
Larry: We were surrounded by vicious monsters! … Hey, where’s Purple? And Rayman?
Voice: You must be clever to make it this far, and that’s good. I like clever people, their brains are tastier!
Larry: … I don’t like the sound of that.
A big Knaaren with a staff comes.
Knaaren: I am Reflux! Champion of the Knaaren!
Larry: … Oh no.
Meanwhile…
P.T.: Who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it beeeeee? … Serguei! Your punishment will be listening to complaints!
Lamek: MARIOLUIGIBABYMARIOANDBABYLUIGIDEFEATEDMEIN
PAPERMARIOBROTHERS2:PINHEADSINTIME!
Crazy Packers
Fan: SUPERMARIOSUNSHINEISTHEWORSTGAMEINTHEWORLDIHATEITIWANTTO
KILLTHEGUYWHOCAMEUPWITHTHEIDEAIMEANHEHADTOBEATGUNPOINTTOGOTHROUGHWITH
MAKINGTHATGAME!
Beauty: HOWONEARTHARETHINGSACTUALLYHAPPENINGIMEANONEOFUSACTUALLYFIGHTS
WITHNOSEHAIRSONEOFUSISANORANGETHINGANDONEOFUSISACTUALLYAMANMADEOFJELLY
IMEANCOMEON!
Serguei: *screeching*
P.T.: Who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it-
Razorbeard then sees that his section takes up most of the wheel, and the others’ sections are tiny. And Kamek still has 2 sections.
Captain: Hey! My section’s bigger than anyone else’s! What’s that all about?!
Kamek: Don’t be a baby.
P.T.: This guy!
He landed on Torpedo Ted.
Captain: Ha! Losers always lose!
P.T.: Your punishment is destroying Captain Razorbeard! I’ll help!
Captain: Wuh?
They beat him to a metal pulp.
Soon…
P.T.: Who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it be, who’ll it beeeeee? … Mr. Dark! Your punishment is being attacked by ninjas!
Suddenly, a bunch of ninjis surround Mr. Dark.
Mr. Dark: That was fast!
Ninjis: Hot Potato!
They all throw flaming potatoes at Mr. Dark.
Mr. Dark: Ouch!
P.T.: Now have fun in…
P.T. throws him into a classroom.
P.T.: SIXTH-GRADE ALGEBRA CLASS!
Mr. Dark: Ugh…
The portal to the class disappears, and Serguei is turned back to normal.
Captain: RUN AWAY!
Razorbeard runs back to the ship.
Kamek: We have to follow them!
Suddenly, Torpedo Ted (with P.T. riding on him) rams into Kamek, knocking him onto his back, and they fly towards the airship.
Kamek: What about my broom and wand?!
P.T.: Oops.
Meanwhile…
King Gumsi: Welcome to the Battle Arena!
Larry: Your king is a child?
Gumsi: Silence! Now, if you want to see your friends, you must defeat Reflux!
A cage lowers with Purple and Rayman inside.
Purple: They took away my axe!
Larry: I have to defeat THAT?!
He points to the vicious monster towering over him.
Gumsi: Yes! So you might as well write your will now!
Suddenly, the whole floor (except the center) retracts into the wall, revealing lava.
Larry: Uh, can’t we just talk about this? Just let me and my friends through and we’ll never come back! Promise!
Rayman (offscreen): But they have the Leptys Scepter!
Larry: Crud.
He swings his staff across the ground, knocking Larry to the edge.
Reflux: DIE!
Larry: Crud Jr.
Narrator from Bobobo: Whatever that’s supposed to mean. Meanwhile, the terrific Torpedo Toyota is flying forward to the foes’ floating fort.
P.T.: Don’t you just love alliteration?
Suddenly, they make it onboard.
Captain: There they are! Robo Pirates! Attack!
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Whirlwind!
TT spins around, creating a tornado that picks up the robots and drops them over the edge.
Captain: 0_ 0
P.T.: Goodnight, Shorty! Super Fist of the Nose Hair: P.T. Piranhacus Giganticus!
P.T. shrinks to the size of Mario after eating a Mini Mushroom.
P.T.: (high-pitched voice) This ought to be a kick!
Razorbeard kicks him, knocking him a few feet away.
P.T.: (still high-pitched): Hoooo!
He grows back to normal size.
Andre’: What’s happening?
Captain: Intruders!
Andre’: Grr…
Torpedo Ted: Torpedo Away!
Andre’ flies to the side and TT misses.
Torpedo Ted: You dodged?! Oh, that just makes me mad. And you don’t want me to be mad, because… I’M A TORPEDO!
Andre’: Is this going to keep happening?
Meanwhile…
Petey Piranha: Where are we?
King Boo: I don’t know.
Teensie Dr. (Gonzo): Aw! Herro! Are you here to see me?
King Boo: Excuse me?
Gonzo: I am a doctor who rives here. You are in the robby of my office.
Petey: Who’s Robbie?
Gonzo: Excuse my accent.
King Boo: Oh, he’s Japanese! He must mean LOBBY!
Petey: Oh. Have you seen a small, green turtle with a blue Mohawk, a purple creature with an axe, a guy in a trench coat, a wizard in a blue cloak riding a broom, or a guy with no limbs?
Gonzo: No. I just hope they aren’t in the Knaaren Caverns.
King Boo: What’s so bad about those?
Gonzo: It is firred with the terribre creatures known as the Knaaren.
Petey: What’s so terrible about them?
Gonzo: They kirr, with no hesitation, and are invincibre.
King Boo: Kirr?
Petey: Kill.
King Boo: Oh.
Both: WAIT A MINUTE! AHH! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!
Gonzo: Just go outside my office and keep going untir you find a big cave.
Both: THANKSGOTTAGOBYE!
They leave.
Gonzo: … Weirdoes.
Meanwhile…
Captain: Your friend isn’t the only Fist Master! Super Fist of the Razor: Razor Rampage!
He goes around, and his beard is spinning, cutting anything in his way. He even defeats Torpedo Ted and Kamek.
Captain: Ha! Hey, where’s your friend?
Suddenly, a gondola with P.T. in it lands on Razorbeard’s head.
Captain: Ouch.
P.T.: Now you two will perish!
Torpedo Ted: Yeah!
Narrator from before: It was at that point, Torpedo Ted remembered what the churro had to say.
Churro (with Latino accent): Eh, he who smelt it, dealt it, man.
Narrator: And Torpedo Ted took those words to heart.
Andre’ and Captain: WHAAAA?!
P.T.: SUPER FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR: TORPEDO CANNON!
He sucks up Torpedo Ted and spits out 3 smaller Torpedo Teds at the enemies. Finally, Razorbeard explodes, and the impact knocked Kamek over the edge and into the twilit Clearleaf Forest!
Andre’: Ow…
Meanwhile…
Larry: (I’m surprised I’m still hanging on the edge and Reflux hasn’t come over yet.)
Reflux: It’s for dramatic effect! Die!
Suddenly, a ball of goop knocks the staff out of Reflux’s hand. It falls over the edge but Larry grabs it. He then climbs back up.
Reflux: What?
He looks to see where the goop came from, and Larry trips him with the staff.
Voice: SLOT POWAH!
It’s revealed King Boo said that. His slot machine is Lemon, Lemon, 7. King Boo throws 2 lemons at Reflux, and he also takes 7 damage.
Reflux: What is that?
Suddenly, Petey Piranha lands on Reflux’s stomach.
Reflux: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Petey: Am I that heavy?
Larry: Guys!
Petey and KB: Larry!
Larry: Okay. You guys go free Purple and Rayman while I take care of this guy.
Both: ‘Kay.
They leave.
Reflux: You think you’re that great! Ha!
He takes the staff with Larry on it and goes over the edge so he can dip it into the lava, incinerating Larry.
Larry: Oh no!
Larry quickly climbs the pole and jumps off Reflux’s hand and is over Reflux’s head.
Larry: Larry Bomb!
He does his own version of the Bowser Bomb from SBBM on Reflux’s head.
Reflux: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa…
Reflux faints, but being on the edge, he falls into the lava with his staff and dies.
Larry: Wow…
The rest of the floor comes back.
Gumsi: Lawrence Plantner Koopa!
Larry: How’d you know my name?
Gumsi: You had outside help and attempted to free your friends!
Larry: Yeah.
Gumsi: I’d have you destroyed for that, but seeing as how you’re the one who delivered the final blow, and you defeated Reflux before your friends were freed-
Petey is using King Boo to break the cage open.
King Boo: Ow.
Gumsi: -I’ve decided your victory still counts! You may have one wish granted! What is it?
Larry: Well, I’d like that Leptys Scepter. We need it.
Gumsi: Aw, but it’s shiny…
Larry: Hand it over.
Gumsi: Fine.
He tries to throw it from his throne, and it somehow reaches Larry.
Larry: Woohoo!
The friends are then freed.
Purple: Now all we need to do is find P.T. and Kamek!
Larry, Petey, KB, Rayman, and Grodus: Yeah!