Chapter 9: The Pit of 100 Trials
Last time Mario and Co. beat up all the bosses that are story bosses! Well except Grodus and Bowser because they beat each other up. Anyways, Mario and Co. are now around the Pit of 100 Trials entrance.
Mario: Time for the hardest challenge ever!
Mario and Co. enter.
Floor 1:
Mario and Co. encounter a Wizzerd! This early? Wait... That isn’t an ordinary Wizzerd...
Dark Wizzerd: OH MY DAD! You again! The guys who skipped me!
Mario: Huh?
Dark Wizzerd: I am the same Wizzerd that shot Grodus!
Fanfare starts!
Dark Wizzerd: ... Anyways, DIE!
The Dark Wizzerd fires a spell but misses horribly, and somehow the spell hits himself.
Dark Wizzerd: Curses! I’ve been defeated!
The Dark Wizzerd leaves.
Everyone: ...
Mario and Co. shovel down all the way to Floor 89.
Dark Koopa: HAIL GLOOMTAIL!
Mario: That was random...
Mario and Co. shovel down and find...
Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Doopliss: REVENGE!
Smorgs: SMORG!
Mario and Co: O_O
BOSS BATTLE!
Mario: 80 HP
Vivian: 50 HP
Vs.
Hooktail: 50
HP
Doopliss: 70
HP
Smorg: 80 HP
Gloomtail: 100
HP
Mario and Vivian: O_O
But since this would take forever, we’re replacing this entire section with Luigi’s Side! What? You thought this would never come? Then we so burned you! HA!
Luigi arrives in the Waffle Kingdom.
Crepe: Greetings! Good to have help from Mario!
Crepe opens his eyes.
Crepe: Wait... YOU AREN’T MARIO!
Luigi: Logically, I am. Our last name is Mario.
Crepe: ... Ok... but you’re not Mario Mario!
Luigi: But I’m his brother, Luigi Mario!
Crepe: Oh, that’s ok then. Our fair princess, Princess Éclair, has been kidnapped by the Chestnut King! I’ll show you in this flashback!
Flashback!
Crepe is seen turning a prince into the Chestnut King.
Crepe: Now go kidnap Princess Éclair so I can get some stupid guy to get me the Marvelous Compass Pieces!
Chestnut King: Ok!
The Chestnut King kidnaps Éclair. Crepe then writes the letter to Luigi.
End of Flashback!
Luigi: ...
Crepe: Go now! I have the Marvelous Compass Base! Princess Éclair has the piece in her crown thing!
Luigi: But that flashback showed that you were the villain.
Crepe: Uhh... No! That was my evil twin, Crepe-from-another-dimension-kind-of-like-his-alter-ego!
Luigi: P.T. uses that joke! You can’t use it!
Crepe: Oh... Well then I say our family was so poor that we could only afford one name!
Luigi: ... Ok...
Crepe: GO NOW!
Luigi sails off on a boat to the Pudding Continent.
Luigi: How do I even know to go there? And why haven’t I heard of that place?
Uhh... Do not question things you cannot understand! And the compass is telling you to go there!
Marvelous Compass: Go to the Pudding Continent!
Luigi: ... How did I not notice a talking compass?
Luigi lands at the Pudding Continent and enters a nearby jungle to find...
Luigi: A McYolds?
Luigi goes to the cashier.
Luigi: Tell me where the Marvelous Compass Piece is!
Cashier: Order something.
Luigi: How about this. I’m going to spoil you on Super Mario Galaxy by saying...
Lemmy: OH MY DAD! EDIT THIS OUT! EDIT THIS OUT! I HAVEN’T PLAYED THE GAME YET!
Later...
Luigi: ...so ending Super Mario Galaxy!
Cashier: *sniff* You meanie! It’s in that temple!
Luigi enters and finds a Blooper.
Blooper: Hi! I’m Blooey! I’m also called the White Torpedo!
Luigi: Ok. Will you help me on my quest to find the Marvelous Compass Pieces so I can save Princess Éclair from the Evil Chestnut King?
Blooey: That sounds delicious! I’ll join!
Blooey joined the party! In battle he can... uhh... wait... I don’t know his attacks... Never mind!
Luigi and Blooey enter deeper into the temple and eventually find a statue with the Compass Piece.
Luigi: Where is that Compass Piece?
...
Luigi: Aha! It’s in the statue!
Luigi attempts to take it, but...
Statue: HALT!
The statue comes alive.
Statue: I AM...
Luigi: You’re an unnamed statue.
Statue: No. The author decided to give me a name! I am the Bouldergeist! No relation to anyone else! This is a name all of my own!
Everyone: ...
Luigi: Blooey! Can I throw you up at that jewel on his forehead?
Blooey: Why?
Luigi: Well I can tell it’s his weak point!
Blooey: How do you know?
Luigi: (sarcastically) Oh, I don’t know! Maybe, THAT?!
Luigi points to a sign on the Bouldergeist’s head that says something.
Sign: THE JEWEL IS THE WEAK POINT!
Blooey: Oh...
Luigi attempts to toss Blooey, but trips and makes Blooey land in the lava. Blooey, in pain, jumps out and coincidently into the Bouldergeist’s forehead!
Bouldergeist: OW!
The Bouldergeist shatters and a ghost appears out of the remains.
Bouldergeist: Curse you! You shattered me! I’ll have my revenge on you someday!
The Bouldergeist floats away high in the sky... with all that sun! Oh well.
Luigi: Yes! We got the Compass Piece!
Blooey: >: ( LOOK AT ME! I’M FREAKING BURNED, YOU FREAKING RETARD!
Luigi: ... Uhh... Sorry?
Luigi runs away with Blooey at hot pursuit. They get on the boat, and Blooey body slams Luigi.
Luigi: Ow...
Marvelous Compass: Ha! Stinks to be you! Go to Plumpbelly Village on the Strudel Continent!
Luigi: ...
Luigi and Blooey go to the Strudel Continent and meet the mayor.
Mayor: Hello, strangers! I welcome you to the sacrifice we’re making to Hizza, the monster snake thing that reminds me of the Pokemon Girafarig!
Luigi: What are you sacrificing?
Mayor: My own daughter!
Luigi: O_O That’s messed up!
Mayor: Either that, or we can find someone new.
Blooey: >: ) I’ve got an idea!
Mayor: Really?! Then share it with Jerry here!
Jerry: Hi.
Blooey: Ok! I’ve got an idea!
Blooey whispers it to Jerry.
Jerry: Good plan!
They both approach Luigi.
Luigi: Uhh... Guys?
BONK!
Luigi gets knocked out. Later Luigi wakes up in a dress, and on the sacrifice podium.
Luigi: What the? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
A giant snake with two heads appears.
Head 1: I AM HIZZA!
Head 2: Hi!
Head 1: SHUT UP, HEAD 2!
Head 2: MAKE ME!
Head 1 lunges at Head 2. Head 2 does the same, and then they crash. They then disappear and leave behind a Compass Piece and a note?
Luigi: ... Uhh...
Luigi gets off the platform, takes off the dress because he has his own clothes underneath, and takes the Compass Piece and note.
Luigi: What’s with this note?
Note: To all you readers who have a Wii, SUPER MARIO GALAXY HAS BEEN RELEASED!
Luigi: OH MY DAD! I HAVE TO GO TO THE NEAREST SHOP!!!
Luigi runs literally across the water to the Mushroom Kingdom and back.
Everyone except Luigi: O_O
Luigi: ... What? I’ve been confirmed for the game! I’m in some missions like “Luigi in the Haunted House”!
Everyone except Luigi: ...
Marvelous Compass: Circuit Break Island now!
Jerry: I shall join you!
Luigi and Co. (that’s weird... ) go on the boat and to Circuit Break Island.
Torque: Hi! I’m Torque the Spike Top! I have a wrench!
Luigi: ... That’s nice...
Torque: WE SHALL RACE AND WIN THE TOP PRIZE!
Torque throws Luigi into a kart, and the race starts. However, Luigi goes in reverse.
Luigi: What the?! I pressed forward!!!
Torque: You are going forward!
Luigi: THIS IS BACKWARDS, YOU IDIOT!
Torque: Oh... I always get those two mixed up.
CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!
Luigi: ...
Luigi gets out of the kart, passes the racers that crashed into him, and crosses the finish line.
Trophy Guy: Hey! You don’t have a kart!
Luigi: But I have the steering wheel! That sort of counts!
Trophy Guy: Oh. That’s ok then.
Trophy Guy gives Luigi the trophy!
Luigi: Hey! There’s a Compass Piece here!
Marvelous Compass: Jazzafraz Town or else!
Luigi: Or else what?
Marvelous Compass: Or I’ll kill you all.
Everyone: O_O
Torque: I shall come with you!
Luigi: Why have you guys been so nice to join?
Blooey: I won’t leave until I have my revenge!
Jerry: I don’t want anyone to see you in drag... again...
Luigi: Actually, that’s the third time I did that. first in a Super Mario World-themed comic, then in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, and finally a few lines back!
Torque: I won’t leave until you pay me 5,000 coins for the damages!
Luigi and Co. go on the boat to Jazzafraz Town.
Hayzee: HI!
Luigi and Co: HI!
Hayzee: Wow! You guys are great! Be in my play!
Luigi: Wow! That actually sounds like fun! What is it?
Hayzee: The Underwhere Plants!
Luigi: Uhh... )getting nervous) W-w-what’s it about?
Hayzee: Carnivorous plants eating all humans and making Dayzees the supreme beings on Plit! The props are straight from the Underwhere itself!
Hayzee points to a box that’s making hissing and demonic noises.
Luigi: (really nervous) Uh-uh-uhh... H-h-how a-a-about a-a-a p-p-play c-c-called The Mystery of the Fiery Hat of Social Awareness?
Torque: Why did you stutter with the first few words but not with the play title?
Luigi: My turn to say it for once! Do not question things you cannot understand!
Torque: ...
Hayzee: WOW! That sounds WAY better! In fact, I think I’ve got the roles for this play!
Later...
Hayzee: The Brave
and Awesomely Cool Hero Dude
Luigi: Grass
Blooey: The Fiery
Hat of Social Awareness
Jerry: The Detective
Torque: The Pizza
Guy
Hayzee: NOW GET MOVING!
Later...
Hayzee: We’re done! And we got reviews!
Review 1: BOO!
Review 2: Who do I have to ask to get the two hours I lost watching that?
Review 3: Insert Bad Thing Here!
Luigi: Wow, we did poorly.
Hayzee: Now for the separate actor review! ... And we only got one...
Review: GO LUIGI! GRASS FOREVER!
Luigi: Wow! I didn’t think I would get any fans!
Review: LOOK BEHIND YOU!
Luigi does.
Entire Town Population: WE’RE FANS!
Luigi: WOW!
Hayzee: ... Anyways, here’s your Compass Piece!
Luigi: Wait, why do you have it?
Hayzee: Magic.
Luigi: ...
Marvelous Compass: Grimble Forest! Or death!
Luigi and Co. hop on the boat and head to Grimble Forest, but...
Luigi: Wait... How come we’ve been passing that same rock formation ten times?
Blooey: OH NO!
Luigi: What?
Blooey: WE’RE IN THE SEAS OF THE MINUS WORLD! It’s technically part of the Minus World!
Everyone: O_O
Everyone commits suicide and ends up in World 1-1.
Luigi: ...
Luigi and Co. then hop into the boat and make it to Grimble Forest.
Luigi: Look! A temple!
Luigi and Co. enter and find a sleeping guy.
Sleeping Guy: Zzz...
Luigi: Look! He’s got a Compass Piece!
Luigi attempts to grab it, but it’s stuck.
Luigi: ...
Then a cream puff thing appears.
Cream Puff Thing: I’M SCREAMY! I’M CRANBERRY’S ALARM CLOCK!
The sleeping guy (Cranberry) wakes up.
Cranberry: D’oh! I wanted to sleep some more! Oh well. I guess you must be Mario.
Luigi: ... Technically yes...
Cranberry: Technically? What do you mean by that?
Luigi: I’m Luigi Mario! Our last name is Mario! So we’re both Mario.
Cranberry: Oh. Wait... YOU AREN’T MARIO MARIO, ARE YOU?!
Luigi: I told you already! I’m Luigi Mario!
Cranberry: Oh. That’s ok then.
Cranberry gives Luigi the Compass Piece.
Marvelous Compass: Hatesong Tower now!
Luigi and Co. make it to Hatesong Tower from the boat. There, they hear HORRIBLE music.
Everyone: AHHHHHHHH!!!
Everyone runs away.
Luigi and Co: Wimp.
Luigi and Co. put on earplugs and make it to the tower.
The Chestnut King: Hi!
Luigi whacks him in the head with his hammer, REALLY hard.
The Chestnut King: OW! You big meanie!
The Chestnut King then starts to crack.
Voice: FINISH HIM!
Luigi is about to, but gets stopped... by a poison dart that almost hits his nose but barely misses.
Luigi: O_O
Princess Éclair enters with a dart shooter.
Éclair: I knew it! That would get your attention!
Everyone: ...
Éclair: ... Anyways, you must now fight Crepe!
Crepe enters!
Crepe: DIE!
Luigi: Why, Crepe?! Why?!
Crepe: I’m not Crepe! I’m his evil twin!
Luigi: Wait, he DOES have an evil twin?
Another Crepe enters.
Good Crepe: HA! I told you!
Evil Crepe: Now DIE!
Luigi pushes him out the window.
Everyone: ...
Luigi: ... Anyways, I’m done with this lame quest.
Why so you are! Back to Mario and Co!
Mario: 23 HP
Vivian: 30 HP
Vs.
Hooktail: 0 HP!
Doopliss: 0 HP!
Smorg: 14 HP
Gloomtail: 50
HP
Hooktail: MAKE THE CRICKETS STOP!
Mario: Back! I’ve got frogs and a bar of soap!
Gloomtail: HOW’D YOU KNOW I FEARED FROGS?!
Smorg: SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!
Gloomtail and Smorg run away.
END OF BOSS BATTLE!
Mario and Co. continue and find them again... only this time they are completely dark!
Dark Hooktail, Dark Doopliss, and Dark Gloomtail: REVENGE!
Dark Smorg: DARK SMORG!
Mario: ... I’ve got a Pure Light Cricket, a bacon chef, and a Pure Light Frog!
Dark Hooktail, Dark Doopliss, and Dark Gloomtail: RUN AWAY!
Mario: And soap foam!
Dark Smorg: DAAAAAAAAAARK! SMOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!
Dark Smorg runs away.
Vivian: That was pointless filler.
Mario and Co. continue and make it to Floor 100!
Bonetail: ROOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRR!
Mario: Meep! I think I made wee-wee!
Vivian: Eww!
Mario: He is 100 times scarier than Zombone!
Vivian: Who’s Zombone?!
Mario: Well...
Flashback!
Dead Dragon: Roar!
Mario: That’s not so scary. I have a feeling I’ll see something scarier than that in a town called Rogueport. But what are the chances of that?
Cut to the 100th Floor of the Pit of 100 Trials...
Bonetail: ROOOOOOOOOAAAAARRRRRRRRR!
Mario: Meep! I think I made wee-wee!
Vivian: Eww!
Mario: He is 100 times scarier than Zombone!
Cut back to Barrel Volcano.
Dead Zombie: Aww... That was uncalled for.
Mario: Do you have a name?
Dead Dragon: *sob* It *sob* used to be *sob* the Czar Dragon. But now *sob* it’s Zombone!
Mallow: What’s with the sobbing, Zombone?
Zombone: *sob* That mean red plumber was mean to me!
Mallow: Seriously?! Plumbers exist?!
Mario: Yes. What? Did you think they were a myth?
Flashback to Chapter 2...
Mallow: Belome is a myth, like plumbers!
Mario: ...
End of Flashback...
Mario: Oh yeah...
Mallow: Well can we go past?
Zombone: Sure!
Mario: ... Woah... Creepy... I was right...
Bonetail: I know!
Mario: O_O YOU CAN TALK?!
Bonetail: Yeah, for the sake of the readers.
Mario: Oh.
Bonetail: Anyways, DIE!
FINAL BOSS BATTLE!
Mario: 100 HP
Vivian: 50 HP
Vs.
Bonetail: 200
HP
Bonetail: How’d you get 100 HP?
Mario: Level-ups from deleted scenes.
Bonetail: Oh.
Mario uses Cricket!
No effect!
Vivian uses Frog!
No effect!
Bonetail: HA! I have no weakness!
Then a freaky
frog/cricket hybrid appears.
Crickog: MOO!
Bonetail: AHH!
IT BURNS!
Mario uses Supernova!
Bonetail: 185
HP
Vivian uses Fiery
Jinx!
Bonetail: 180
HP
Bonetail is too
sick to move!
Crickog: MOO!
Mario uses Art
Attack!
Bonetail: 145
HP
Vivian: Wow, you
were fast.
Vivian uses Fiery
Jinx!
Bonetail: 140
HP
Bonetail is still to sick to move! Bonetail vomits! Loses next turn!
Mario uses Power
Bounce!
Bonetail: 125
HP
Vivian uses Shade
Fist!
Bonetail: 120
HP
Bonetail: Stupid
Crickog lowered my defense...
Bonetail’s turn
is skipped! Bonetail vomits again! Stop doing that to my shoes!
Shady Parakoopa: Hey! That’s my idea!
Uhh... No it isn’t!
Shady Parakoopa: Ok!
Shady leaves.
Mario uses Dual
Ultra Hammers!
Bonetail: 110
HP
Vivian switches
with Yoshi!
Yoshi: 50 HP
Vivian was secretly
wearing Quick Change!
Yoshi uses Stampede!
Bonetail: 100
HP
Bonetail: I’m
better!
Bonetail attacks
with Half Breath!
Mario: 50 HP
Yoshi: 25 HP
Mario: Ow!
Mario uses Supernova!
Bonetail: 85
HP
Yoshi uses Stampede!
Bonetail: 75
HP
Bonetail attack-
???: NO! MY TURN!
Jelly Jiggler
appears!
Jelly: I’ll finish
him off! Super Fist of the Wobble-Wobble: Slippery Snakeheads!
Jelly makes three
Jelly Snakeheads appear and do horrible things to Bonetail.
Bonetail: Ow...
Bonetail: 25
HP
Everyone: O_O
Jelly: Goodbye!
Jelly leaves.
Bonetail attacks
with Trial Stew Breath!
Mario: 1 HP
Yoshi: 1 HP
Mario uses Supernova!
Bonetail: 10
HP
Yoshi uses Stampede!
Bonetail: Aww...
Crud...
Bonetail: 0 HP!
END OF FINAL BOSS BATTLE!
Bonetail dies and spits out Peach.
Peach: That was disgusting.
Mario: Eww...
Peach: Well, time for you to become an idiot again.
Mario: Actually, I just realized something! My whole life is an adventure! That means I should always be smart!
That logic is so true! I’ll let it be!
Mario: HAPPIES!
Mario and Co. leave the Pit.
What happened to everyone else?
Mario: Went home and met up with Luigi.
Partners: Went back to their normal, boring lives.
Peach: Got kidnapped again.
Bowser: Kidnapped Peach again. Except that one time since she was kidnapped by Count Bleck.
That Guy: Still complaining about his name issues.
Hooktail: Continued to live in Hooktail Castle since she never really died completely...
Lord Crump: Continues to work for Grodus.
Grodus: Cut Lord Crump’s paycheck in half for selling his staff on eBay for less then 5 coins.
Magnus: Disassembled into scrap metal.
Grubba: Unknown.
Doopliss: Fears bacon chefs.
Cortez: Killed the Grim Reaper it stole his gold.
Smorg: Unknown.
Kammy: Unknown.
The Shadow Queen: Dead.
Gloomtail: Went back to the Interview studio rooftop and was scolded for being so late.
Everyone Else: Who cares? Now get out of here before I call the cops!
THE END!
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
