Chapter One: The End of Mario
One day in the Mushroom Kingdom...
Mario: Hey, Luigi, are the towels dry? I need to use one, I fell in the pool!
Luigi: We don't have a pool...
Mario: Well, we do now!!!
Luigi: Oh boy... What did you do now?!
Mario: Uuuuuuhhhhh... Nothin'...
Luigi: Go clean it up!
Mario: Can't you?
Luigi: No, I have to go to the grocery store, 'cause someone ate all the food!
Mario: (shoving pie in his mouth) I blame Wario.
Luigi: I'll be back in half an hour.
Mario: Take your time...
Later at the Hall of Food-Like Justice....
Robin: Great disappearing loaves of bread, Batman! The store is out of bread!
Batman: Don't worry, I think they get a new shipment every hour!
Robin: Oh... Great plumbers in lime-green outfits, Batman! It's Weege!
(If you don't know, Weege is Luigi's nickname.)
Luigi: Heeey! Hows it goin', Bat, how are ya, Rob?
Batman and Robin: Fine!
They do some weird, secret handshake with Luigi.
Luigi: See you tonight at the "Less Known Than Mario Convention"!
Batman and Robin: All right!
Luigi: OOOooo... They have a nice apron on sale here!
Batman and Robin: WHAT?!
Luigi: Uuuuummmm... That I can get for Daisy?
Batman and Robin: Oh...
***
Waluigi: Hehehehee!
Wario: Waluigi, what's two plus two? Well, just so I know th-
Waluigi: DID YOU HEAR ANY OF MY PLAN TO RID US OF MARIO AND LUIGI?!
Wario: Uuuuummmm... What's two plus-
Waluigi: SHUDDUP, YOU IDIOTIC BROTHER OF MINE!!! Oh, and the answer is four.
Wario: Oh... Uuuuummmm... So what's four plus four?
Waluigi: I will repeat it anyways... We are going to take the Biomechanic Insanely Giant, or B.I.G., Bomb to Mario and Luigi's house and rid the world of the Marios! HEHEHEHEEE!!!
Wario: AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
***
Mario: Hey! That's why it smells so bad, the water is sewage! Well I'll just call the plumbers- Wait, I"M A PLUMBER!
BOOOOOM!!!
Waluigi: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEEEEE!!! They're gone! They're gone! Luigi's gone!
Meanwhile at the Hall of Food-Like Justice (again)...
Robin: Great giant explosions made by bombs Waluigi set to destroy Mario and Luigi, Batman! What was that?
Batman: I think you pretty much covered it there...
Luigi: OH NOOO!!!
Chapter Two: An Old Guy
Waluigi and Wario are having a party because (at least they think ) both Mario and Luigi are gone.
Waluigi: Yeah! Now we can do anything without those numbsculls interrupting!!!
Wario: (jumping off the top of his castle) Like flying?
Waluigi: No...
Wario: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!
Wario then hits the ground and bounces off his belly onto his feet unharmed.
Wario: That was fun!!!
DING DOOOONG
Waluigi: Hope it's our "free" pizza!
Waluigi opens the door to find some old guy that looks simillar to himself.
Waluigi: Who are you?
???: You don't recognize your own grandpapa?
Waluigi: Of course I do, but I asked, WHO ARE YOU?!
???: Your grandpapa Bernoli!
Waluigi: WHAT?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!! YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 100 YEARS OLD!!!
Bernoli: Actually, I'm 96 to be exact!
Wario: Who's the old, shriveled up, freaky-
WHAM!!!
Bernoli: Shut yer pie-hole or there WILL be more hits with my cane where that came from!
Wario: Grandpapa!
Bernoli: See, Waluigi, with a single wack on the head with my cane, I can add brain cells instead of taking them away, well, if I hit people of course!
Waluigi: Wow...
Wario: Hey, Grandpapa, what's four plus four-
WHAM!!!
Wario: ... It's eight!!!
Waluigi: Double wow...
***
Luigi, as fast as he can, runs to the pipe that leads to his house and sees smoke pouring out of it.
Luigi: Mario! MARIOOOOO!!!
Mario: ...
Luigi: No no no no no... He can't be gone, his game can't be ended here! WHY?!
***
Bernoli: So... where do your cousins sleep?
Waluigi: Cousins?
Bernoli: Yeah. I thougt they would be livin' here too since this is a castle...
Wario: I thought I tied Hoopert to the front of a train while it was driving off a cliff...
Bernoli and Waluigi: Who's he?
Wario: My imaginary gerbil...
Waluigi: ...
Bernoli: ...
Wario: ...
Waluigi: ...
Bernoli: ...
Wario: I LIKE CHICKEN FINGERS!!!
WHAM
Wario: I thought we didn't have cousins...
Bernoli: Well... um... You don't remember?
Wario: ...
Waluigi: Who are our cousins?
Bernoli: You idiots! You don't remember Mario or Luigi? You played with each other when you were li'l tykes!
Wario and Waluigi:
MARIO AND LUIGI?!
Chapter 3: Oh Boy...
Wario: Why did we beat on them so much?! WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
Waluigi: ...'Cause we hate them...
Wario: Oh yeah...
Bernoli: You beat on your own cousins? Why in the cottonpickers would you do that?
Waluigi: 'Cause we hate them. A lot.
Bernoli: Well do you know where your uncle lives?
Wario: I think I tied him to a chair, threw him in lava, and laughed maniacally!
Bernoli: YOU DID WHAT?!
Wario: Oh wait... I did that to Fat Guy the Weird...
Waluigi: And is that another one of your imaginary friends?
Wario: No. But this guy right here named Bloo is!
Bloo: Hi! Do you know where Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends is?
Waluigi: Where'd you come from?
Bloo: Blame Mac.
Waluigi: ...
Bernoli: Who on Plit is Mac?
Waluigi: Yeah! And what are you?
Bloo: ...
Bernoli: ...
Waluigi: ...
Wario: ...
Bloo: ...
Bernoli :...
Waluigi: ...
Wario: I LIKE PIE!!!
Bloo: ...
Bernoli: ...
Waluigi: ...
Wario: ...
Bloo: ...
Bernoli :...
Waluigi: ...
Wario: ... I LIKE CHOC-
SMACK!
Wario: Ow...
Waluigi: Geeze! Would you shut up?
Wario: Uuuuhh...
Ren: I tell that to Stimpy all the time!
Stimpy: You sure do, Ren!
Ren: Stimpy, you idiot! Shut up already!
SLAP!
Stimpy: Ow! Ren, that hurt!
Waluigi: HOLD IT!!! EVERY CARTOON CHARACTER AND VIDEO GAME CHARACTER, GET OUT OF MY CASTLE!!!
Bloo, Coco, Eduardo, Wilt, Ed, Edd, Eddy, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, Ren, Stimpy, Salesman, Batman, Robin, Jimmy, Cindy, Sheen, Carl, Superman, Martin, Ang, Sokka, Mr. Nitwit, Mr. Dimwit, Billy, Mandy, Grim, Irwin, Mickey, Goofy, Donald, Pluto, Popeye, Bluto, Oliveoil, Larry the Cucumber, Bob the Tomato, Junior Asparagous, Archibald, Mr. Nezzer, Pa Grape, the French Peas, Sonic, Tails, Rayman, the Rabbids, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, and Wario leave.
Waluigi: Except you, Wario...
Wario: Yay!
Waluigi: Who is our uncle?
Bernoli: You don't remember your Uncle Guido?
(Guido is pronounced gwee doh.)
Wario: Guidawhosen?
Bernoli: ... No... Guido!
Wario: Who's that?
WHAM!
Wario: My uncle!
Bernoli: He's the father of Mario and Luigi!
Wario: Hey look! A fly...
Waluigi: Just ignore him.
Bernoli: But you at least know your father, don't you?
Waluigi: Yeah. Tuido!
(Tuido is pronounced twee doh.)
Bernoli: Well, where does he sleep?
Wario: In the closet.
Waluigi: ...
Bernoli: ...
Wario: ...
Waluigi: YOU MEAN THAT SKELETON IN THE CLOSET IS TUIDO?!
Wario: No. I thought you said Picklehead...
Waluigi: This is going to be a loooooong chapter...
Wario: No, I see the next chapter starting about five lines down!
Bernoli: How can you see that?
Wario: I can't...
Waluigi: About Mario and Luigi, they are, um, well, how should I say this...
Wario: Pushing up daisies! Dead! In a hopefully, for them, better place now!
Bernoli: Oh boy...
To Be Continued...
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