The Poor and Beans

By Dry K. Bones

Prologue: Banishment... and BEANS!!!

King Boo's Mansion...

King Boo sat on his golden throne and laughed while he made paper stickfigures beat themselves up. He didn't even the notice the irregular wind pattern.

"Hello, Daddy."

King Boo jumped. He looked down at his red-eyed son. Something seemed wrong about the boy... He had a twisted little smile across his face.

"Er... Hello, Son. My Lil' Boo."

King Boo patted the tiny Boo on the head.

"Father, may I show you something?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Your end as king."

The little ghost pulled out a horned mirror. King Boo felt himself being sucked in like a vacuum. Suddenly, he was squished inside the glass. He saw his son hide the mirror in a book and laugh while taking the crown and sitting at the throne.

Woo Hooniversity...

The Beanie floated across the huge gap with his high-tech helmet. He searched ad searched... until he saw it....

The precious hat lay there, discarded. The Beanie chuckled and replaced that helmet with his. He then got a crazed look in his eyes and yelled:


Chapter 1: The BK Crew!

... beep... beep... BOOM!

The wall exploded in the side of the bank and cop Toads poured in. They examined every room, and saw all the creepy things done to the bankworkers. They then noticed the door to the safe room was blocked. They signaled, and blasted that to pieces as well. They then saw the whole safe was ripped out of the wall... and a radio had been left behind with a bomb strapped to it.


So they're finally here, comin' for you
If you like your life, you'll join in too
They'll put your hands together, and make you clap,
As they take you through, this scary rap!

Bubble Koops!

He's the leader of the gang, you fear him well,
He's finally here, to kick your tail
His Bubble-breath, can fire in bursts,
If he hits ya,
It's gonna hurt!
He's lean, mean, and a really bad dude,
He's the head honcho, of the BK crew!

B-K, Bubble Koops!
B-K, Bubble Koops is here!

This guy's kinda strange, so listen up, dudes,
He can shrink ya, if he's in the mood!
He's quirky and alert, cuz he's paranoid,
He'll scream and run, then climb up a tree,
If ya fear him, you're just as weird,
He's the head mage of the BK gang!

Igor Leon!

He's got no style, he's got no skill,
This bean'll shoot ya, if ya make a funny face!
He can spit hammers out, when he wants to,
And tear through walls, just to get you!
Blow you up, just like a balloon,
This crazy plant just hates you!

Kloney Piranha!
Kloney Piranha!

He's lazy and mellow, with no sense of time,
This time he's on the beach!
He can set you on fire, with his anger on,
With his boss out, he's one strong dude
You'll make him smile, when you scream a painful tune,
But good guys beware, 'cause he's after you!

Cloneshi the Yoshi!

Finally he's here, inventin' for you,
It's the smartest member, of the BK crew!
This bean's so genius, it makes Kloney mad,
You'll see sibling rivalry, little lad!
He can shoot a missile, with insane ease,
Makes robbing banks, such a breeze!
He may be fast, too fast for us,
But this plant's one big pain on the bus!


Noki Bay....

"HAHAHA! I wish I could've seen the look on their faces!" The freaky hybrid took another swig of unknown liquid and burped.

"Eheckeckeck! ... Is that a good evil laugh?" A Piranha Bean pounded his fist on the table and chuckled.

"... Er, no... Kloney," a timid-looking Koopaleon replied.

Suddenly, the small group looked at a burnt Piranha Bean wearing a top hat approaching their spot.


The whole group didn't even flinch, and pointed towards the beach area. In case you didn't know, they lived on the spot right by the platform. They had built a small shack with a secret lab under it. If you're an idiot, you probably don't know this is the BK crew, a gang of ruthless pyschopaths. Here's our pictures:

...and no one cares about Packo or Cloneshi. This gang were currently all thinking about what evil deed to do next. But their entire life course could change with a single sound...

*Knock, knock*

Chapter 2: Takeover

"For the last time, Larry, STOP BEATING UP ROY!" Bowser bellowed at his second youngest son. Larry tried to protest, but Bowser cut him off. "Ya know what? I want you to apologize to your brother. NOW!"

Muttering curses under his breath, Larry walked up to his sniggering brother, Roy, and made a halfhearted apology. It wasn't Larry's fault Roy had those bruises on his arm, Roy had punched Larry right on the shell, and claimed that Larry had beaten him up. Such was daily life in the Koopa family. Except it wasn't Iggy today. No, Iggy was scheduled for Monday's and Sundays. Larry's was jotted down for Tuesday and Thursday. Bowser Jr's had been written down for the rest.

"There, King DAD. Can I go now?"

"After you wash the dungeons."



Larry walked sadly to the prison chambers, picking up a bucket of soapy water and a sponge on the way. At this exact moment, he was thinking I'm so unlucky... But... he would find out later that he was VERY lucky indeed.

Larry angrily scrubbed cell #3. He was unaware of what was going on above...

Bowser burped and scratched his butt before sitting down on his shiny, dark-looking throne. He loved being king, and all its perks. He only noticed Kammy rushing towards him when he heard her gasping for breath.



"Look at the sky!"

Bowser lazily sauntered over to the large window in his room.

"Where? I don't see any-"

It was then he saw the sillouette of a large mansion in the clouds. What happened next was surprising. A ball of orange light burst into Bowser's throne room. Bowser coughed, and poked it. It unrolled, revealing an orange ghost with yellow eyes and long arms. It chuckled at him, then floated outside and whistled. More balls of varying colors impacted Bowser's Castle. The befuddled Koopa King could hear screams and horrified cries from below. He looked up at what was coming out of the fog, charging up his fire breath. He saw a HUGE mansion suspended by brutish-looking ghosts with a midget Boo wearing a crown on top. He watched as the Boo laughed crazily and gave the signal to drop something. He then witnessed his castle being enveloped by darkness...

Bowser stumbled into the hallway. Where was his castle? Everything was different. He had awoken to find himself in a boarded up furnace room. He had burst out, and called for his family. Nowhere. Disgruntled and disheveled, he walked throught the hallway, hearing people's terrified screams and shouts. Then, he saw the creature that had stolen his castle. The Boo. It was laughing at him from the end of the hallway. He couldn't deal with it now. He went into a room and blocked the door. it was then he heard it...

"Nee... nee..."

He looked around. It seemed like some kind of band room, as instruments and chairs were everywhere.

"Nee... nee..."

He located the sound. A saxophone, lying on it's side. He saw it grow teeth suddenly, and float into the air. He saw the rest of the instruments do the same.

"Nee... neee... nee..."


Chapter 3: Mario Gets a Visit

"Luigi, can you get that?" Mario burped as he ate more food.


"... Luigi can you get that?" Mario asked again.

Up in Luigi's room...

Luigi crouched in the closet.

"Hee hee. Maybe if I don't reply, he'll do it for once...."

Back now...

Mario lazily got up and answered the door that had been knocked on just a few minutes before. What he saw staring up at him was a Beanie weraing some advanced-looking headgear that reminded him of Fawful's odd head machine.

"Excuse me, good sir-"

"I'm-a not buying it."

Mario started closing the door when the Beanie stuck his foot in it to halt it.

"I'm not selling you anything. I am Li'l Fawful, and I am your biggest fan."

Mario straightened up. Just another crazy fan.

"Let-a me guess-a, you want an autograph?"

"Actually, I just want to see what your house is like."

Mario thought for a moment, then reluctantly let the bean in. Li'l Fawful scanned the living room, then went into Mario's room.

"Oooooohh... Nice room," Fawful said as he saw Mario's spacious bedroom. "Hey, I think I left something in the hallway, can you get it for me?" the Bean said slickly.

Mario stumbled outside the room and scanned. "I don't see any-"

Mario rubbed his eyes. Where'd he go? He saw his hammer, hat, shoes, gloves, and the Vibe Wand he got from Peach were gone.

Mario had no idea that this would later lead to his downfall. He just dismissed it as a crazy fan moment.

Chapter 4: Help Wanted

BK walked through the streets of Delfino Plaza with his crew behind him. People looked at them with pitied eyes, and some with meanful expressions. He was used to that. The note said to meet their new boss right by the Grand Pianta statue.

"Hey, is this the right place?" Kloney asked in a tired tone.

"Yeah, so quit yer whinin'," BK snarled back. They all stood by the statue for what seemed like an hour when they saw a figure atop the statue. It leapt down to reveal itself to be a Beanie with a sack.

"BK crew, I presume?" the odd-looking figure asked.

"Idiot, I presume?" BK mocked.

"Ah yes, that must be you. I have a job for you. I believe you got my note, or you wouldn't be here." The Beanie then opened the sack.

BK chuckled. "Ya gotta be kidding. US work for YOU? You're barely a few feet tall!"

The Beanie glared at him with a twisted smile. "Size does not matter in this business deal."

The Beanie emptied the contents of his bag on the pavement. Igor gasped. "Woah! Hammer, gloves, boots, Vibe Wand, cap; all of Mario's most important stuff!"

The gang leaned in closer.

"Yes, all of it is here. Now, I have a job for you."

The Beanie whispered this next part.

"Take these and guard them in each place I have marked on this map."

The gang thought, then hastily each of them snatched something.

Igor inspected the Vibe Wand. Cloneshi sneezed on the boots and checked them out. Kloney picked up the hammer and thought evil thoughts. Packo grabbed the gloves and hid them in his bazooka.

And BK got the cap.

They then saw the map, and were about to ask why they should guard these, when they found the Bean was gone. They all shrugged it off, and went to the designated areas.

However, all but BK had ideas that were as dark as oil...

Chapter 5: Oh NOOOOOOOO!

Mario jumped onto the building. The note said that Peach was here.

"Alrighty, Bowser, hand her over!" Mario scanned the rooftop for the Koopa King, but found nothing. That's odd... he couldn't help thinking. Suddenly, a Bean stepped out of the shadows with a little Boo beside him. Mario gasped and pointed a finger.

"Hey! I-a know you!" he accused.

Li'l Fawful laughed with Li'l Boo.

"Foolish Plumber. You fell into our trap. Goodbye," the Bean said.

Suddenly, Mario felt a violent jerk at his back. He was getting pulled into Li'l Fawfuls mouth! With a scream, he was gone.

All over, people experienced a change in environment.

Toad Town turned into a prehistoric valley filled with gigantic Poisonous Mushrooms.

Peach's Castle sank into the ground, and a tall, metal tower popped up.

Bianco Hill's windmills turned into boulders. the river dried up, and the grass turned to sand.

Ricco Harbor was suddenly flooded with water, and many sea creatures crushed the buildings and equipment. An underwater cavern system was dug in by a couple Mega Unagis.

Serena Beach was suddenly covered by Hotel Delfino as it grew and grew to an overwhelming size. Water came in and created a moat.

Gelato Beach was suddenly overgrown with weeds and Piranha Plants. Where the sand egg once was, a huge tree sprouted.

Pinna Park was suddenly darkened by a huge cloud that settled overhead. Various rides were blasted by lightning, and everything malfunctioned.

Lastly, Noki Bay's waterfall was turned into a twisted tiki head. Lava spewed from its mouth, replacing the water. The large towers were set afire and turned into pillars of flame.

Many other changes occured, too many to count, and all because of two little people....

Chapter 6: Larry's Quest

Larry crawled out from under the rubble. Where was he? One moment, he was in the dungeon, the next, he was in an underground cave. He had managed to dig a way out, however. He looked around: nothing but flat, bland land. He didn't like this at all. He frantically searched for anybody at all. No one. He was alone. Suddenly, he was grabbed from behind.

"Calm down, dude."

It was an Anti Guy.

Hours later...

"Sooo... you get the idea. There are some dudes at Isle Delfino that we think hold the key to stopping this."

Larry stared in disbelief. WEEKS? He was out for WEEKS? And some people had recreated the entire world using Mario's personal possesions? At least, that's what the Spy Guys said.

Apparently, the Spy Guys are a bunch of Shy Guys who decided to find out what was going on. They found out quite a lot.

"Ya get it?" the Anti Guy repeated. They were at an underground base, somewhere near the coast where the airport once was.

Larry nodded his head dumbly. Him, destroy all of the criminals? It was hard to believe, but he was apparently the only being left that had enough strength.

"Good. Prepare for launch."


This wasn't what Larry had expected when he heard the word "launched".

Launched made him think he was going on an airplane.

The reality was he was getting shot out of a cannon.

"Er, are you sure this is safe?" he asked cautiously.

"Absolutelyutely. We tested it on ten Shy Guys. Six out of them sustained only minor injuries. Fire in 3...." The Anti Guy started.

"Er, maybe this is a bad idea..."

"2..." The cannon started vibrating.

"Uh, excuse me?"




Larry felt himself being blasted at high speeds. He couldn't even look to the side, he was going so fast. Suddenly, he satrted spinning, and he spiraled into a building....

Chapter 7: Isle Helfino

Larry slowly got up, clutching his scalp. Geez... he hadn't expected to crash. He looked around. He was in an empty warehouse, the roof caved in and wood strewn about. He saw a door not too far away. Carefully avoiding nails, he stepped over, opened it, and went outside...

... And chaos broke loose.

Piantas ran screaming through the square, set on fire. The marketplace was covered by what looked like reddish goop. Instead of fruit, there were slimy-looking, ameboid-like things crawling around. Every square inch was colored with some slimy residue, and cracks in the earth ran all the way from where he was standing to the police station. The fruit monsters latched onto people and began to coat them in either a brown or yellow sludge. He ran as the bulding behind him sank into a newly formed crack. Giant rock walls divided the square from the water, and nothing was standing on the pedestal where the statue once was.

Suddenly, the floor shook.

Larry looked around. Another earthquake?

No, it stopped, then started again. He darted his eyes everywhere, looking for the cause.

And then he saw it.

It was the Grand Pianta Statue, but bigger, alive, and monsterous.

It had fangs, and four hulking, stony arms, two of which were throwing giant masses of the slime that was everywhere. It was wielding a huge, spiked, stone club, and it looked like it was searching for something.

Then it saw Larry, and started to move toward him.

Larry started running, but slipped and fell on his shell. He struggled to get up, but couldn't get enough momentum. He was overwhelmed by a huge shadow. Fearing the worst, he looked up. Slime dripped from the golem's mouth, hitting Larry in the eye. Uck. The club was raised, and started to smash downward. Larry withdrew into his shell and blasted at the wall. He felt himself get shook from the ground, then hit something hard, and bonk something else really hard.

He got out, back on his feet. He had hit the Golem right in the back of his head, but it went unnoticed. The hulking mass of stone slowly turned around and stomped his foot. Larry leapt out of the way and picked up what looked like a plank of wood from a sign. He hurled it at the statue, and it connected right in the eye.

The golem howled with rage and used two hands to cover his wound. The other two developed huge boulders of sludge and hurled them. Larry dove under the first, but got carried away by the second. He was splattered against the wall, his shell slightly cracked. He slid off, and pulled out his wand. Using a simple spell he knew, he fired a series of flaming circles at the goop-throwing arms. Right as they were creating more slime, the fire hit, and an explosion followed afterward. The statue yelled and looked at its now stubby arms. One arm was spared, however, the one holding the club. The angry Pianta golem stomped toward the Koopaling, and raised his club. Larry ran under his legs, and heard an ear-splitting shriek and a shatter. He turned his head to see what had happened. The golem had whacked its own legs by accident, and was now falling to pieces. As the head hit the ground, it exploded, and something hit Larry in the face.

It was a map, indicating where each of Mario's items were hidden, and how to get there. Clearly, somebody didn't want anyone ot find it, so they hadhid it inside this monster.

Chapter 8: The Plighter 49'er

"Argh, this thing's so confusing!" Larry complained as he ran around the pedestal, reading the map. The atmosphere had changed once the statue was gone. All the sludge dried up, and the Piantas were cooled off. They were busy repairing the shattered remains of their town.

"How can I get to Bianco Hills just by going near this stupid statue? I HATE THIS MAP!" he yelled and kicked the stone structure before him. He hopped around in pain as his foot throbbed. He examined it one more time. How could it transport him? He rested a hand on top of it, and shrieked when it collapsed. He jerked his arm away and looked at the top where the statue once stood. Inside the pedestal was a hidden warp pipe. Larry knew what to do now. Taking a deep breath, he jumped in.

He leapt out and looked around. People were busily running about with pickaxes. They actually seemed HAPPY, for some reason. He noticed that the place was a desert, with no grass and scorching heat. He ran up the passage to find a small village looking like something out of a western movie. People ran around with large chunks of what looked like gold. Larry seemed drawn to a small nugget lying on the ground, but it was scooped up by a Pianta before he could reach it. He immediately snapped from his trance. Why was everyone oblivious to how things had changed? What had happened?

"Excuse me, miss, but why is everyone so joyful?" Larry grabbed the attention of a fancily-dressed woman walking along.

"Hmmm? Joyful? Why, because of all the gold! It's everywhere! Thanks to our supreme miner, we're rich!" was the happy reply.

Larry was befuddled still. "Er, but don't you know of what has happened all over Isle Delfino?" he questioned.

"I have no idea what you are talking about. Now leave me, I must go look for some gold." The woman barely looked at Larry afterward and kept walking.

... Prospecting in those clothes? Something doesn't seem right, he couldn't help but think. Who was this supreme miner, anyway? Larry decided to set forth to where he knew the lake used to be.


Piantas rushed around, dragging shovels through the dirt. The lake was dried up, and people were digging where it once was. Occasionally, someone would find a hunk of gold and wave it around happily before running back to town. Larry suddenly found himself taking part in this, picking up a discarded pick and scrounging up dirt. Repulsed, he let it drop to the dirt.

"Hey, ya might lose yer chance for GOLD if ya do that," said a voice behind him.

Larry whipped around. There was a mellow-looking silver Yoshi with red spikes wearing a miner's helmet that obscured his nose up. In one hand was a chunk of the ore that everyone seemed to be so fond of, while on his back was a pickaxe and shovel tied together. The Yoshi seemed to have almost been mocking Larry as he spoke. He held up the chunk of glinting metal again.

"C'mon, pick it back up, before somebody steals yer hole. You could probably get a good piece that would sell well if ya continue." And with that, the Yoshi strode off, waving the gold fragment behind him.

Larry found himself drooling. He quickly clamped his jaw shut. All he could think about was GOLD. He was drawn to the chunk the Yoshi had, and wanted his own. He instinctevely grabbed his digging tool again and furiously struck at the ground where his once discarded hole was.

Chapter 9: All that glitters is not gold.

Larry wiped the sweat off his head. His hat couldn't keep out the heat, no matter how wide the brim was. He recently purchased it after digging up a hefty piece of gold. He returned again to his hole and started to dig some more. Maybe he could dig up some GOLD, or maybe a sign of GOLD. How long had he been digging? Weeks, months, days, hours, he had no idea. What was he doing before he found this place's wonderful treasures? Probably nothing, as the supreme miner says that nothing exciting happens outside the giant rocky walls that guard the mining town. He had completely forgotten about the daily dig. He walked up a long, inclined path towards a huge hole in the ground. That was the best mine. For an hour a day, guaranteed GOLD!!! He settled in and started striking at the walls. Somebody else seemed to be with him too. He couldn't see anyone. He checked to make sure. Suddenly, talking.

"Yo, dude, chill. Ain't no way that baby's gonna find out our plans," one voice echoing from the wall said.

Larry looked around some more. The hole was very small, where could the person be hiding? He also noticed something else. That voice was the supreme miner's voice, except it seemed strange. Hmm... what was "Yo"?

"For your sake, Cloneshi, he better not." This time, the sound from a monitor.

"Relax. As long as he thinks he's diggin' up gold rather than mind rocks, we're okeydoke." Again, the supreme miner's. But... Larry suddenly thought it didn't sound like the miner he saw everyday talking about how gold prices had gone up. And "mind rocks"... what were those?

And what about "Clonesh-"

It's all coming back!!! Larry wasn't a miner here! And the outside wasn't just another boring mining town... and why was he wearing this ridiculous hat?

MIND ROCKS!!! Those were Thwomp droppings that mixed with decayed magic and turned into mind-bending stones! Cloneshi must have made them turn yellow and hid them all over the ground!


Oh no, what could have happened while Larry was out of it? Cloneshi was one of the thieves that stole Mario's items and morphed the world! He remembered his briefing from the Spy Guys, finally.

He started pounding on the walls, looking for some kind of secret switch. Suddenly, the wall seemed to push forward, and Larry tumbled into a high-tech-looking room. He got up and looked at the gaping mouth of the white Yyoshi, Cloneshi, still wearing the miner's hat and still carrying the pickaxe on his back.

"It's you! I remember now, Cloneshi! I've got to take you in!" Larry gasped out.

A smile spread across the deciever's face.

"Take me in, dude? To WHERE? Things have changed in the past few months, man. And why resist me? Go back and I'll hand over some GOLD," he mocked.

"I'm not falling for that! And... and... I'll take you into the Spy Guys!" Larry countered.

Cloneshi's smile got wider.

"Spy Guys? Who might they be?"

"A secret organization in the MK to defeat-" Larry covered his mouth.

SHOOT! He just told Cloneshi about the Spy Guys!

"Hey, thanks, dude. I could use that." Confident as ever, Cloneshi started to walk out of the cave. Larry ran after him and grabbed him by the tail.


Larry was sent sprwaling into the wall. He felt the tail, then didn't, and got punched super fast. Cloneshi laughed.

"I got all day, dude, got all day. Bring it on."

To Be Continued...

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