Luigi and the Master of Shadows

By Brandon the Science Toad

Chapter 1: The Battle

It was an ordinary day at Mario's house. Mario was still snoring away in bed while Luigi was cooking breakfast. It had been exactly 1 month since they had thwarted Dimentio's plan of destroying all worlds to create a new one. One month since Mario had never heard from Tippi or Count Bleck ever again... Then, there was a great crash from the Mario Bros' bedroom! Luigi screamed in terror and pain as the egg he was scrambling fell on his stomach.

"Ooh... Someone's gonna pay for this..." Luigi growled as he stomped into the bedroom. Luigi's jaw instantly when he saw the papers were scattered, beds were overturned, and his favorite plant was... DEAD!

"Daisy gave me that plant for my birthday!" Luigi bawled. Then, a voice came from behind him.

"The plant isn't the only thing that's going to be dead soon. Ah ha ha. " Luigi turned around just in time to see a lethal starburst smack him right in the face.

"Ouch, " Luigi said, brushing himself off. "Dimentio, why are you here? Didn't we destroy you?"

"That may be, but you didn't check if I was dead yet. Ah ha ha," Dimentio chuckled. "Notice anything different?" Luigi sat down in thought. His plant had died, an egg had fallen on his gut, and a frying pan had fallen on his toe. "Not really." Dimentio fell down instantly.

"YOUR BROTHER, MARIO!" Dimentio screamed. Luigi sat and thought more.

"Doesn't ring a bell," Luigi answered after 5 minutes. Dimentio fell down again, sighed, and threw a starburst at Luigi's face. "MARIO! What have you done with him?"

"Oh... he's somewhere where you'll never get him. " Dimentio laughed.

"And why do you need him?" Luigi asked, hoping Dimentio would be like Bowser.

"Can't tell you. Especially not using him to destroy the world of Plit," Dimentio replied.


Insert awkward silence...

"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Luigi shouted.

"Now we do battle!" Dimentio said and dove at Luigi.


Luigi (HP 10/10) FP: 4
Dimentio (HP ??/??)

Luigi uses Jump on Dimentio!
Luigi: Lucky!
Dimentio takes 1 Damage!
Dimentio (HP ??/??)

Dimentio uses Star Burst on Luigi.
Dimentio: Ah ha ha.
A Timed Hit! Luigi takes 2 damage.
Luigi (HP 8/10)

Luigi uses Ultra Jump! 2 FP consumed.
Luigi: Take this!
Dimentio takes 2 Damage.
Dimentio (HP ??/??)

Dimentio: Ah ha ha. Your skills are rusty. Have you not been training for this fateful day?
Dimentio uses Star Shatter. 2 FP consumed from Luigi.
Luigi: That's just not fair.
Dimention: Life isn't.
2 Star Bursts hit Luigi! 2 x 2 = 4 Damage done to Luigi!
Luigi (HP 4/10) Danger!

Luigi: Cheapskate.
Luigi uses Life Missile! Luigi rams into Dimentio!
Luigi recovers 3 HP.
Dimentio takes 3 Damage.
Luigi (HP 7/10)
Dimentio (HP ??/??)

Dimentio: Ah ha ha. You learned a new move. But that still won't allow you to win when I use this!
Dimentio uses: Chaos Heart
Luigi: What the %#%^? Didn't we destroy that?
Dimentio: Apparantly... NOT!
Luigi is engulfed by darkness and squeezed! Instant KO!
Luigi: You're cheap!
Luigi (HP 0/10)

Battle Over! Loss...

"Ah ha ha! I have beaten you, and now you must die or kill yourself!" Dimentio said.

"And tell me, where does it say that, Dimentio? Or are you insane, stupid or a cow?" Luigi asked.

"Shut up! You're an idiot!" Dimentio growled.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Luigi mocked.

"You're a nerd!"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"I'm an idiot!" Dimentio said, thinking he'd outsmarted Luigi. Wrong.

"Yes, you are an idiot. " Luigi said. Dimentio shouted in frustration and kicked Luigi in the shins and disappeared. Luigi fell against the desk, the plant's pot crashed down on his head, and then Mario's lucky bowling ball fell on his head. "Can this day get any worse?"

Then, Wario walked in. "I have just stolen your money from the bank. Have a nice day." Luigi passed out from shock.

Chapter 2: Luigi and Lock

"Chosen... Chosen... CHOSEN! Okay, he's not waking up. Deliver the punishment, Mr. W."

"Don't call me Mr. W!" SMACK! SMACK! Luigi instantly sat up after being slapped 2 times across the cheek. He opened his eyes to find...

"Well fry my giblets! " Luigi said when he saw the two who revived him were a chunk of meat and an eggplant. "I got revived by an eggplant and a chunk of meat. I must have died and gone to Heaven."

"... Slap him again," the chunk of meat said. SMACK! Luigi shook his head to see a Key Pixl and... Waluigi?!

"Woah!" Luigi shouted. "Did you perform mouth-to-mouth on me?!" Luigi screamed, backing away from them.

"No, but the key thingy was thinking of it," Waluigi said.

"Hi, I'm Lock," said the Key Pixl. "You are the Chosen One." Luigi stared at Lock for a minute, then he and Waluigi burst out laughing.

"Me/Him, a chosen one? I don't think so," Luigi and Waluigi said in unison. Lock sighed.

"Maybe this will awaken your memories. Unlock! " The key went into Luigi, like what it did to Dimentio.

"Help! A psychotic key is trying to kill me! " Luigi screamed at Waluigi. Waluigi was busy filing his nails.

A blinding light burst out from Luigi and Luigi turned into a green-clad hero in black. The man got up and tied a mask around his eyes. "What'd I miss?" Mr. L asked.

"Luigi?" Waluigi asked in disbelief. Mr. L turned and glared at Waluigi.

"Now who in the world are you? Purple is soooo out. It's all green now." Mr. L laughed.

"What did you do to him, you stinking fly?! " Waluigi shouted and pulled out a fly swatter, trying to smack Lock.

"I turned him into Mr. L! " Lock cried as he dodged the fly swats.

"Hey, a question. Are you a male or female?" Waluigi asked.

"What are you, gender-confused?" Lock asked.

"... Don't rub it in," Waluigi grumbled.

"Well it's obviously a male, because the theory of light and speed of a European swallow is multiplied by the factor of pie, which if subtracted from 4 becomes hawt. And when it become hawt, it instantly mutliplies itself by DAD's Theory of Cheesyness and adds itself to itself, resulting in a compound explosion by the quantum number of dots on a golf ball which results in a rocket blowing up Mars, thus creating Lock as a boy. Any questions?" Mr. L asked, suddenly in a teacher's dress, skirt, and wig. Waluigi was looking at a magazine, Lock was playing his DS. "AHEM!" He whacked Waluigi and Lock with a ruler. PAY ATTENTION! THIS WILL BE ON THE TEST NEXT WEEK!" Ms. Mr. L shouted.

Lock raised his... wing. "Chosen One? You need to begin your journey, " Lock said.

"My what?" Luigi said, turning back into Luigi from Mr. L.

"Oh yes, the Chosen One must begin a long journey to stop the Master of Shadows from destroying the whole world," Lock said, going into Lecture-Mode. "You see, Dimentio is supposedly the Master of Shadows, trying to destroy the worlds, and then he will end all of mankind, and then invent coffee that's spoiled, and drink it, thus killing himself and truly ending all of Plit's inhabitants. So, that's why you must begin your journey. I am from the-"

"Just shut up, and tell me, what do I gotta do to disable the bleeping Chaos Heart's power?" Luigi growled.

"You must go to Fahr Outpost to learn more about that," Lock said. Luigi and Waluigi fell down.

"BUT THAT'S ACROSS THE OCEAN! " Waluigi shouted, whacking Lock with a conveniently placed hammer.

"And your point is?" Lock asked.

Luigi shouted in frustration. "And how in %#@^#@^$@^$#^'s sake am I supposed to get to Fahr Outpost?" Just then, Brandon appeared and slapped Luigi.

"Keep it clean, fella! Don't make me sick my minions of HAWTNESS on you," Brandon warned, then turned into a pie.

"Why don't we take the boat? I hear there's a boat going to Fahr Outpost today," Waluigi said. "There's always boat rides to Fahr Outpost on Tuesdays."

"It's Wednesday. And how do you know?" Luigi asked suspiciously.

"Um... I read this Fun Fiction's manual?" Waluigi replied lamely. Luigi decided to accept that.

"Let's take my car," Luigi said.

"Dimentio took it," Waluigi said.

Meanwhile, with Dimentio...

"Now, how do I work this car?" Dimentio wondered. He turned the car on, and crashed into a lighthouse. The lighthouse fell and crushed Dimentio. Then, a bird fell down and pokes him in the eye.

Back with our heroes...

"Knowing him, he trashed it. Crud... Then we'll have to take the 1984 B.C. car," Luigi sighed.

5 minutes later...

A Ferrari broke through the garage and ran over 5 Mushroomers before crashing into a Goomba.

"MY CAR!" Luigi bawled. In reality, it only got part of its paint rubbed off. And by part, I mean the size of an air particle.

"Yo, why you hit me? Now I'm hurt, fool! NOW I SHALL EAT YOUR FLESH!" The Goomba growled and called over 2 more Goombas. "KILL HIM AND THEN EAT HIS FLESH! AND PRESERVE THE PURPLE MAN IN SALT!"


Luigi (HP10/10)
Waluigi (HP 10/10)
Lock (HP 5/5)

Luigi uses Item: Price Scanner
HP 2, ATK 1, DEF 0
A horribly disformed Mushroomer, Goombas are the most common enemies of the world of Plit. They make great butlers, though.
Weakness: Fire
Goomba 1 (HP 2/2)

Waluigi uses Ultra-Omega-Zomega Punch of Teh DOOMZ! 2 FP consumed.
Waluigi: I learned this one minute ago!
*insert insanely awesome punches, kicks, and fingah jabs here*
Goomba 1 takes 1 Damage.
Everyone: What the %$@^@?
Goomba 1 (HP 1/2)

Lock uses Key Tackle on Goomba 2!
Lock trips and does 1 Damage to himself!
Lock: I have no feet! How can I trip?!
A frying pan falls on Lock.
Lock (HP 4/5)

Goomba 1 uses Ram of DOOMZ!
Waluigi takes 1 Damage.
Waluigi suddenly counters and does 1 damage to Goomba 1.
Waluigi (HP 9/10)
Goomba 1 (0/2) OUT!

Goomba 2 uses Shin Kick!
Luigi takes 1 Damage.
Luigi (HP 9/10)

Goomba 3 uses Ram!
Waluigi takes 2 Damage!
Waluigi heals Luigi by 1 HP by belching.
Walugi (HP 7/10)
Luigi (HP 10/10)

Luigi uses Waluigi Magnum! Waluigi loses 2 HP.
Luigi: Waluigi MAGNUM! YEAH!
Luigi shoves Waluigi into a Rocket Launcher and shoots Waluigi at Goomba 2 and 3.
Goombas 2 and 3 take 3 Damage each!
Waluigi (HP 5/10) DANGER!
Goomba 2 (HP 0/2) OUT!
Goomba 3 (HP 0/2) OUT!

8 Star Points are gained! 5 coins are found on the dead bodies.

Luigi: 8 Star Points LVL UP! Luigi's HP is now 15! Luigi's FP is now 6! Learned Mr. L Smackdown
Waluigi: 8 Star Points
Lock: 8 Star Points


"Well, that was fun," Luigi sighed. "At least we're at Toad Town Docks."

"How come you get to level up?" Waluigi shouted. "I did more work than you did! And I got hurt, too!"

"Shut up," Lock said. "The important thing that matters is that we can finally get on with this freaking Fun Fic."

The Terrible Trio walked over to the Ticket Manager, sitting at an old booth that looked like it was from one minute ago.

"I know just how to deal with Mushroomers like this," Luigi boasted. "I speak four different languages: French, English, French, and Chicken Pot Pie." He turned to the Ticket Manager.

"Hello, would you like a ticket?" the Ticket Manager asked.

"Je veux de la guacamole, %$#^ il! (I want some guacamole, %@%& it!)" Luigi grabbed the Ticket Manager and broke his spine.

"Dude, was that neccessary?" Waluigi and Lock asked, running over to Luigi. Luigi looked down at the body.

"This wasn't the Ticket Manager. This was a random bystander," Luigi said. Waluigi and Lock fell down to the ground instantly. They got up and started beating Luigi with clubs.

"Yar, you killed me manager! NOW YOU DIE!" a random pirate shouted.

"Wow, he must be really drunk. He's a bleeping pirate, taking orders from a random bystander. Anyways, what can he do?" Waluigi laughed. The pirate snapped his fingers and 2 pirates and a ship appeared behind him, on land. "Oh $@%@%$#% snap."


Luigi (HP 15/15) FP: 6
Waluigi (HP 10/10)
Lock (HP 5/5)
Drunk Pirate
Saber Pirate
Gunner Pirate
Pirate Ship

Luigi uses Jump on Drunk Pirate.
TIMED Hit! 1+ 1 = 2 Damage
Drunk Pirate is Stunned!
Drunk Pirate (HP ??/??) STUN

Waluigi uses Ultra-Omega-Zomega Punch of Teh DOOMZ on Drunk Pirate. 2 FP Consumed.
TIMED Hit! Lucky Hit!
2 x 2 + 4 Damage! Drunk Pirate's HP is revealed!
Drunk Pirate (HP 6/10)

Lock uses Unlocking The Secrets! on Saber Pirate. 2 FP consumed.
Lock: Ahem.
Saber Pirate:
8 HP, 2 Attack, 1 Defense
Your ordinary everyday pirate. Sometimes, when you defeat them, you can acquire a sword from them, usable as a weapon. They have this cheap ability called Supa Dupa Loot, where they knock you out and steal half of your coins. This attack will also kill off the pirate for some reason.
Saber Pirate: (I gotta get me some sugah from a mistress.)
Saber Pirate takes 2 Damage from Embarrassment.
Saber Pirate (HP 6/8)

Drunk Pirate uses Beer Bottle on Luigi.
Drunk Pirate: Have a drink! It's on me!
Luigi: Why thank you.
Luigi has become flammable.
Luigi (HP 15/15)

Saber Pirate uses Pyrotechnics on Luigi.
Saber Pirate: Fire in le hole!
Luigi is set aflame.
Luigi: HOLY %$#^$#^#$^&%#&#&& OF %$#%$#&@%$@^@%$^ MOTHER %#@^%$@^%@&@-
Luigi takes 6 Damage.
Luigi (HP 9/15) Burnt, Flammable

Gunner Pirate back-hands Waluigi.
Waluigi: I thought you could only do that to women.
A crowd of pirate ladies come and start poking Waluigi to death.
Waluigi: NO! I'M TOO HAWT!
Waluigi takes 5 Damage.
Waluigi (HP 5/10) DANGER! MORTIFIED!

Pirate Ship crushes Lock.
FBI members in tuxedos start pounding the ship with frying pans.
Lock takes 2 Damage.
Pirate Ship takes 3 Damage.
Luigi's team gains 4 coins from Lock's Child Insurance.
Lock (HP 3/5) DANGER!

Luigi uses Fist of Jackie Chan on Saber Pirate.
Thump, Whump, Pow, Kerping, Ding-dong, JACKIE CHAN INSTA-KILL Fingah Poke!
Saber Pirate: ARRGH!
Saber Pirate implodes from the HAWTness. Oh, and because he got punched 777 times by Luigi.
Saber Pirate takes Infinity damage.
Saber Pirate (HP 0/8) OUT

Waluigi uses Mimic on Luigi and Gunner Pirate.
Waluigi: The poor pirate only had 6 HP left, dude!
Waluigi back-hands Luigi and Gunner Pirate.
Luigi and Gunner Pirate: OW!
Luigi takes 2 Damage.
Gunner Pirate takes 2 Damage.
Luigi is angry. ATK + 2!
Luigi (HP 7/15) Angry! Flammable!
Gunner Pirate (HP ??/??)

Lock uses Unlock Lock!
Lock jabs himself through Gunner Pirate's heart.
Lock: Ahem.
Gunner Pirate:
HP 14, ATK 1, DEF 0
This pirate uses a gun for a weapon, and occassionally back-hands people using The Sacred Art of Back-Handing. He also can use l33t Ninja kicks that he says are 2604u.
Gunner Pirate (HP 12/14)
Gunner Pirate starts too bleed as Lock exits his heart.
Lock: Whoops, that wasn't supposed to happen.
Scorpion: Actually, yes.

Scorpion uses Spear Shot on Drunk Pirate.
Scoripon: GET OVAH HERE!
The spear pierces Drunk Pirate's booze bottle.
Drunk Pirate: No! I need that to get some sugah!
Brandon: Too VIOLENT!
Brandon uses Secret Art of Author Slapping: Back-hand on Drunk Pirate!
Drunk Pirate is Disintegrated.
Drunk Pirate (HP 0/10)

Gunner Pirate: Um... Okay... What the?
Gunner Pirate uses Gun Shot.
Everyone is hit!
Luigi uses Action Block. 1 Damage is Done.
Waluigi takes it like a man. 3 Damage is done.
Lock takes 1 Damage.
Scorpion dies.
Brandon uses Secret Art of Disappearing. Brandon flees.
Luigi (HP 6/15) Angry!
Waluigi (HP 2/10) DANGER! MORTIFIED!
Lock (HP 1/5) PERIL!
Scorpion (HP 0/999999999999999999999.8) DEAD
Brandon (HP 15/15) Fled.

Pirate Ship uses Bombs Away!
Pirate Ship: AHAHAHA! BURN IN-
Luigi: You can't say that! That's copyright infringement!
Luigi takes 2 Damage.
Waluigi takes 1 Damage. Blocks.
Lock takes 0 Damage. MISS!
Lock: Lucky me!
Luigi: Shut up!
Luigi back-hands Lock.
Lock takes 1 damage.
Lock is OUT!
Luigi: Oops.
Luigi (HP 4/15) DANGER! Angry!
Waluigi (HP 1/10) PERIL!
Lock (HP 0/5) OUT!

Luigi uses Item: Shroom Shake
Luigi heals 5 HP.
Waluigi heals 5 HP.
Luigi (HP 9/15 ) Angry!
Waluigi (HP 5/10) DANGER!

Waluigi uses Gambling!
Waluigi rolls 2 dice!
They end up as Star and Star!
Waluigi: Woah, that's never happened.
A Sweedish breakdancing team rushes in, revives Lock to 2 HP, gives Luigi a second turn, and tells how much HP the Pirate Ship has.
Pirate Ship (HP 17/20)
Lock (HP 2/5) DANGER!
Lock: LUIGI, YOU %$@^#&@%&@$@^@%$^%$#&&$@^$#^$^@$^!!!

Luigi gets a second turn!
Luigi: Lucky!
Luigi uses Wrath of the Author! Luigi gives up 4 HP in place of 4 FP!
Luigi (HP 5/15) DANGER!

Brandon: You rang?
Brandon pulls out a giant laser cannon.
Brandon: I got a call from the Mushroom Mafia. Looks like they want you to be sleeping with the fishes.
Waluigi: Since when were you a hitman?
Brandon disintegrates Waluigi.
Waluigi (HP 1/10)
Brandon: Now then....EAT PIE, YA %#@%@%!#!%$#^$#^$@^@$@&%&%!!! (CENSORED FOR GRAPHIC VIOLENCE)
Pirate Ship takes 17.5 Damage!

43 Star Points are gained. 17 coins are gained = Total 22 coins! Found Pirate Cutlass.
Luigi: 51 Star Points, LVL UP x 2! (HP + 10, ATK + 2, FP + 2)
Waluigi: 51 Star Points, LVL UP x 2! (HP + 5, ATK + 1) Learned Waluigi Laser
Lock: 51 Star Points, LVL UP x 2! (HP + 10) Learned Lock Beatdown

"Phew, now that the battle is over, let's hijack the boat," Waluigi said. Brandon tapped Waluigi on the shoulder.

"Uh, Waluigi? Luigi and Lock are already on the boat," Brandon said and poofed away. Waluigi turned around and his jaw dropped. Luigi and Lock were sitting at the top of the boat... drinking wine... WITHOUT HIM!

"GET BACK HERE!" Waluigi shouted and rushed after the boat.

Chapter 3: Waluigi's Secret

When we left off, Waluigi was racing towards the boat that Luigi and Lock had ditched him on. Waluigi had just made it upon the boat and started shouting at Luigi.

"WHY DID YOU DITCH ME LIKE THAT?!?" Waluigi shouted at Luigi.

"Well, because you didn't have any real significance to the plot," Luigi replied. Waluigi sweat dropped. Lock started to sweat.

"Um... yeah. No significance." Lock nervously laughed. Waluigi and Luigi stared at Lock. Lock hoped that the secret wouldn't be out too soon.

"Lock, are you mentally insane?" Luigi asked. Lock breathed a sigh of relief.

"No, Chosen One. I'm not." If only you knew, Waluigi. If only you knew that a great power can be awakened from inside of you…

"Well, I'm going to brush up on my fighting skills. I'll see you guys later," Luigi said as he went below deck. Waluigi started to follow, but Lock stopped him.

"What's your problem?" Waluigi growled. Lock sighed. Maybe Waluigi would have to know either way along this adventure.

"Waluigi, unbeknownst to you, you contain a great and deadly power inside of you that could destroy all of humanity," Lock said gravely. Waluigi just stared. "You see, when you came in contact with the Mischief Star Stamp in Mario Party 3, did you feel any.... bad vibes?" Waluigi sat and thought.

"What does vibes mean?" Waluigi asked. Lock fell down ala anime.

"Like, any bad feelings?" Lock said. "Bad mojo, or as the hippies say, not groovy feelings?" Waluigi nodded. "Do you know what the Mischief Star Stamp was black?" Waluigi shook his head no. "Well, because that Stamp contained the Soul of the Shadow Master. There has been a raging increase of the shadow population in this world of Plit. Think about it: Shadoo, Shadow Mario, Shadow Queen, the Shadow Sirens. Does any of this ring a bell as to why?"

"Um.... Because in their names they all have the word Shadow in them?" Waluigi replied. Lock sweatdropped.

"No! You see, the Mischief Star Stamp is the source of all this. When Mario beat you, how did it feel?" Lock asked.

"Well, it felt like a burden was dropped off of my back, and I felt better."

"Exactly! The Mischief Star Stamp was once known as the Shadow Star Stamp. This causes the possessor of this Stamp to become a Master of Shadows that could destroy an entire solar system," Lock said.

"But why is it called Mischief Star Stamp then?" Waluigi asked.

"The great mystical being known as Shigeru Miyamoto said so," Lock said. Now, Waluigi sweatdropped. "Anyways, Mario now has the power to destroy any being he wishes."

"But Mario's a goodie-goodie two-shoes, right?" Waluigi asked. Lock shook his head sadly.

"The Shadow Star Stamp causes all of the goodness inside of a person to waste away until finally, they are consumed by darkness. You came in contact with it first aside from the Millenium Star, you caught it until Mario defeated you. So you hold half of its powers. The power of destruction lays in your hands, Waluigi," Lock finished.

"So shouldn't I be in the title?" Waluigi asked. Lock whacked him over the head.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall! Anyhoo, Luigi has the power to stop this shadow mayhem as he is the Chosen One. True, Mario may be more of a princess-rescuing hero than Luigi is, but at the end of this adventure, only Luigi, you, me, Mario, and anyone else who is linked to this adventure will have memory of it," Lock replied.

"Who knew the Shadow Star Stamp could do all of this?" Waluigi wondered.

"Uh oh. Cheese it! Luigi's back. No one must know about this until the right time. Understand?" Lock grabbed Waluigi's throat in a chokehold. Waluigi nodded weakly. Lock let go as Luigi came back up the deck.

"What’d I miss?" Luigi asked as he sipped his soda.

"I thought you went training," Waluigi said. Lock nodded. Luigi pointed at the back of the ship and Waluigi and Lock's jaws dropped. Where the training area was supposed to be, it was all toasted and burnt.

"... Are you sure you didn't use a flamethrower?" Lock asked. Luigi gasped.

"Lock! How dare you not trust me?” Luigi growled angrily. He backhanded Lock. "I'll be in my cabin."

"I suggest that we all go to bed. It's 5 AM." Lock yawned. Waluigi stared at Lock and backhanded him.

"Why didn't you tell me your speech would last seven %#@%#@%#@% HOURS?!" Waluigi yelled, then went to bed.

-(Waluigi has learned “Shadow Bind”)-

Chapter 4: The First Star Stamp

The next day, the ship docked in Fahr Outpost's bay, and the gang got out.

"D-d-d-dang, it's c-c-cold!" Waluigi shivered, then looked at Lock. "Hold me."

"Uh... No. Go buy some hot cocoa or something," Lock replied. Waluigi broke down and started to sob.

"Cut it out, fools! We have to go and find the mayor of this town," Luigi said, then spotted a man selling armor. "But first...."

After pummeling the poor Bob-omb salesman and taking some armor...

Weapon: Cutlass
Armor: Green Scarf
Accessory: -

Weapon: Unarmed
Armor: Sweater
Accessory: -

Weapon: Unarmed
Armor: Beanie Hat

"There, we have armor, and no money wasted," Luigi boasted. Then he found out his wallet was missing. "Hey! Where'd Waluigi go?"

"I think he's buying items," Lock replied. Luigi's jaw dropped when he saw Waluigi carrying three Cups of Cocoa (heals 3 FP), and 3 Mushrooms (Heals 5 HP to one).

"That better not be more than 22 coins..." Luigi growled and held his cutlass to Waluigi's throat. Waluigi did some kung-fu ninja moves and knocked out Lock. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Waluigi replied that Lock was annoying. "True."


After wandering around Fahr Outpost for a while, they spotted the mayor of Fahr Outpost talking to General White. Waluigi approached the Bob-omb.

"Uh, excuse moi? Do you know why and what the Chosen One i-" But Waluigi didn't get to finish because the mayor started shouting out Kung-Fu Socky yells and twisted Waluigi's arm. Then he started to do all of these ninja moves that would need at least 1 arm.

2 hours later...

Waluigi was in a full body cast and Luigi was asking about the Chosen One.

"Ah, you are the Chosen One? Well then, I shall tell you everything that you need to know," Mayor Bob-Omb said. "You must collect the eight Star Stamps in the World of Plit and confront this Dimentio you are talking about." Luigi sighed, having a flashback of Super Paper Mario.

"And where is the first Star Stamp?" Luigi asked. Mayor Bob-omb pointed to Crystal Palace.

"Inside rests the Crystal King. He must be defeated to prove that you are the one worthy of obtaining the Frost Star Stamp." Luigi was confused.

"I thought the Star Stamps were Love, Courage, Mischief, Beauty, Kindness, Strength, and Wit," Luigi said. Mayor Bob-Omb shook his head.

"Those Star Stamps were for determining the Superstar. These are to save the world," Mayor Bob-omb said.

"Well, we’d better get a move on." Luigi sighed as he and Lock carried Waluigi's cast up the trail to Crystal Palace.

5 hours later...

"Phew, glad we made it." Waluigi sighed, tired. Luigi and Lock decided that it would be a good time to dump Waluigi on his butt. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For being a jerk," Luigi said. Instantly, 2 Frost Piranhas and a Pale Cleft surrounded them. "This isn't what I would call 'being surrounded'. But who cares? LET'S BRAWL!"

Luigi (HP 25/25) FP: 6
Waluigi (HP 15/15)
Lock (HP 15/15)
Frost Piranha 1
Frost Piranha 2
Pale Cleft

Luigi uses Mr. L Smackdown! on Frost Piranha 1. 2 FP consumed.
Luigi: Taste my fury!
Timed HIT!
3 x 2 = 6 Damage!
Luigi has turned into Mr. L for 4 turns.
Frost Piranha is defeated!
Mr. L (HP 30/30) 4 TURNS LEFT FP: 4

Waluigi uses Shadow Bind on Frost Piranha 2. 2 FP consumed.
Mr. L: Where'd you learn that move?
Waluigi: Uh.... eBay?
Frost Piranha 2 is Muted and takes 3 Damage!
Frost Piranha (HP 3/6)
FP: 2

Lock uses Slap on Frost Piranha 2.
Lock: What do you expect? I'm a key.
Frost Piranha 2 takes 2 Damage.
Frost Piranha 2 (HP 1/6) PERIL!

Frost Piranha 2 uses Frost Chomp on Mr. L!
Mr. L is frozen!
Mr. L's effect wore of on Luigi!
Luigi takes 4 Damage!
Luigi (HP 21/25)

Pale Cleft uses Ram on Luigi!
Luigi is sent flying into Waluigi and Lock!
Luigi takes 3 Damage!
Waluigi takes 2 Damage!
Lock takes 4 Damage!
Luigi (HP 18/25)
Waluigi (HP 13/15)
Lock (HP 11/15)

Luigi uses Cutlass on Pale Cleft.
No effect.
Luigi: 0_o Well this stinks.
Pale Cleft (HP ??/??)

Waluigi uses Punch on Pale Cleft.
Waluigi: OW!
Waluigi broke his arm!
Waluigi takes 2 Damage!
Pale Cleft laughs at Waluigi!
Waluigi is sad. Defense is lowered by 2 points.
Waluigi (HP 11/15) DEF DOWN

Lock uses Unlocking the Secrets! on Pale Cleft.
Pale Cleft
HP 8, DEF 4, ATK 3
This one is a toughie. He has high DEF, and ATK, though be may be easily defeated when using an earth-based item or attack. If only we had someone who could use Earth-based attacks in our group. Not that that will happen in this Fun Fiction.
TIMED hit!
Pale Cleft: (I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world...)
Everyone: 0_o
Pale Cleft takes 2 damage from embarrassment.
Pale Cleft (HP 6/8)

Frost Piranha uses Chomp on Waluigi.
A bolt of lightning strikes Waluigi.
Waluigi takes 3 Damage! +2 DEF DOWN
Waluigi (HP 6/15)

Pale Cleft uses Ground Pound on Luigi!
Luigi parries and the Pale Cleft falls on his head!
Pale Cleft: Oh snap.
Pale Cleft (HP 6/8)

Luigi uses Life Missile. 2 FP consumed.
Luigi: Eat flame!
*insert AWESOME explosion here*
Luigi has recovered 1 HP.
Frost Piranha takes 5 Damage!
Luigi (HP 19/25) FP: 0
Frost Piranha (HP 0/6)

Waluigi uses Item: Cocoa!
Waluigi: Nothing like cocoa to cheer up your day.
Waluigi heals 5 FP!
Waluigi is now Ice-Resistant for 2 Turns!
Waluigi (HP 6/15) ICE-R
FP: 5

Lock uses Lock Smashdown on Pale Cleft!
Lock: This is for the Chosen!
Pale Cleft in instantly KOed.
Lock: Wow, what are the chances of that happening?

Battle Over!
16 Star Points are gained. 40 Coins were found.
Luigi: 34 Left Til Level Up
Waluigi: 57 Left Til Level Up
Lock: 42 Left Til Level Up

"That battle was kind of easy. No match for us! Let's continue, shall we?" Luigi asked. Waluigi and Lock nodded.

---Shadow Castle----

5:00 PM, Shadow Castle

Dimentio rushed through a door and knocked over a shadow-possessed Toad along the way. "Move it, worm," Dimentio spat and continued. He hurried through 2 more corridors and reached, on a throne before him, the Shadow Master. "Master, I have received word that Luigi's troupe has reached Fahr Outpost. Do you wish for me to send out some troops?" Dimentio asked. The Shadow Master stood up from his throne.

"No. I shall give word when I see that they have become a threat to our plans," the Shadow Master said. "You could have at least picked a better host for me, Dimentio. This man was hard to subdue." Dimentio started to sweat.

"Master, it was told in the Prophecy that the Hero of Plit would be an excellent host for you." The Shadow Master growled and slashed at Dimentio with a scimitar.

"Fool, his obsession with cheese and his thoughts invade my every dreams! If this man is the Hero of Plit, then I'm afraid to see how the Chosen One is!" Shadow Master screamed.

Meanwhile, with Luigi...

Luigi was picking his nose. Then he looked at it and ate it.

Back with Shadow Master...

"*sigh*.I have been hearing that there are some rebellions in our forces still. Would you be a lamb and go and destroy them?" the Shadow Master asked.

"Yes sir." Dimentio bowed and disappeared. The Shadow Master stepped out of the shadows to reveal that it was Mario! (Wow, who would’ve seen that coming?)

"Soon, all worlds will bow before my powers and I shall rule them all with an iron fist!" Mario said. "All shall bow before the power of Lord Ombre! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lord Ombre laughed madly.

Somewhere in Shadow Castle...

"Holy... crud," a Toad rebel said. He was the spy of the team but he had been put in the dungeon. Luckily, he had bribed the guards with a coin and escaped, not-so heroically, by knocking over a vase, smashing 5 of Lord Ombre's paintings, and stealing his tuna fish sandwich. "Wow, I never would have expected that the Master of Shadows would have a name like Ombre that sounds like Omelette. Speaking of which, I'm hungry. What does a Brandon do to get some food around here? Let's see...." Brandon checked his to-do list.

To-do List
Aid Luigi in battle
Get captured by Lord Ombre
Become na Elite Spy Ninja
Get thrown in the dungeon
Find out about Lord Ombre's EVIL and NOT-SO NICE plans
Have a turkey sandwich
Destroy Lord Ombre once and for all
Do the Disco

"Wow, that is one hard to-do list." Brandon sighed. He was supposed to spy on Lord Ombre, and now destroy him. "But first... “ He ate a turkey sandwich. HEY! THIS IS HAM! Oh well." Brandon started making his way to Lord Ombre's throne room when he was stopped by 2 Yoshis that were familiar to Brandon.

"Skyshi! Latshi! Boy, am I glad that you’re not gender-confused." Brandon sighed.

(Pie Guy: Use the script, dummy!)

"I mean, Skyshi, Latshi! Boy am I glad too see you. I gotta go destroy Lord Ombre and I need help," Brandon asked them. Then, suddenly, Skyshi backhanded Brandon. "Hey! I am still your leader! Don't you backhand me!” Brandon backhanded Skyshi.

"RESISTANCE IS FUTILE! ALL HAIL OMBRE," Skyshi said in monotone.

"... YOU SWORE ALLEGIANCE TO HIM?!" Brandon shouted.

"DIE, MORTAL," Latshi said, diving at Brandon.

Brandon Fungi (HP 30/30) FP: 6
Skyshi Bluewind (HP 20/20)
Latshi Flare (HP 25/25)

Brandon uses Flame Kick on Skyshi Bluewind. 3 FP consumed.
Brandon: Good thing I'm a jack of all trades.
Skyshi's weakness is fire! Skyshi takes 6 Damage.
Skyshi Bluewind (HP 14/20)

Skyshi uses Shadow Egg.
Skyshi: Resistance is futile. All your base are belong to us.
Brandon takes 5 Damage.
Brandon Fungi (HP 25/30)

Latshi uses Omega Flare.
Brandon: Oh crud.
Brandon takes 14 Damage!
Brandon is burnt.
Brandon (HP 11/30) BURNT

Brandon uses Mach Punch on Both! 3 FP consumed. 1 HP is used.
Brandon: Let's-a go!
Skyshi and Latshi both take 7 Damage.
Skyshi Bluewind (HP 7/20)
Latshi Flare (HP 18/25)

Skyshi uses Tailwhip on Brandon.
Brandon blocks.
Brandon takes 2 Damage.
Brandon takes 1 Damage from being burnt.
Brandon (HP 8/30)

Latshi uses Hip Drop on Brandon.
Brandon takes 6 Damage.
Brandon takes 1 Damage from being burnt.
Brandon (HP 1/30) PERIL!

Brandon uses Danger/Peril Ability: Cook.
Brandon combines Mushroom with Fire Flower to make Mushroom Meal!
Brandon uses Item: Mushroom Meal.
Brandon restores 20 HP and 3 FP.
Brandon Fungi (HP 21/30) FP: 3

Skyshi uses Flamethrower.
Brandon: But you’re an Ice-type!
Skyshi: Illogical logic is useless.
Brandon: Dang, when Ombre took out your goodness, he must have taken your fun, too. This gives me more reason to destroy him! OW!
Brandon takes 4 Damage! +1 Burnt
Brandon (HP 16/30) Burnt

Latshi uses Pyro Kick.
Brandon: OW! WHY ME, DAD?!
Brandon gets hit by a lightning bolt.
Brandon takes 5 Damage.
Brandon recovers from Burnt status.
Brandon (HP 11/30)

Brandon uses Item: Pen Light
Brandon: I saw this in a cartoon once!
Brandon shines the light in Skyshi's eyes, then punts him.
Skyshi takes 8 Damage, +2 Light Damage.
Skyshi: This isn't over... ERK!
Skyshi (HP 0/20) OUT!

Latshi uses Ghastly Breath.
Brandon: GOOD PIE! Your breath stinks! Ugh...
Brandon takes 11 Damage.
Brandon is revived using a Spare Life Mushroom!
Brandon (HP 5/30) DANGER!

Brandon uses Rocket Jump. 2 FP consumed!
Brandon: They don't call me Brandon for nothing!
Brandon shoots into the sky and lands on Latshi.
Latshi takes 9 Damage.
Latshi (HP 9/25)
FP: 1

Latshi uses Neo Rain.
Brandon: I'M MELTING!!!
Brandon takes 3 Damage.
Brandon (HP 2/30) DANGER!

Brandon uses Green Torpedo.
Brandon blasts through Latshi!
Latshi takes 9 Damage.
Latshi: Curse you... fungus...
Latshi (HP 0/25) OUT!

Battle Over!

The two Yoshis collapsed on the floor, defeated, but luckily, not dead. Brandon slumped to the floor and breathed a sigh of relief. "I hope... that I remember to thank DAD for making me a good fighter..." Brandon huffed. Then, Brandon looked up and saw that he was surrounded by a swarm of Mushroom Guards. "Now that's not fair... What am I going to do? I'm weak from my last battle and Skyshi and Latshi are unconscious.... I guess I'll have to flee...’ Brandon threw a Warp Pipe Orb on the ground and fled to places unknown.

"Oh %@#%%... Dimentio's not going to be happy with this," Toad Guard 1 said.

-----Luigi's Team-----

Luigi and team had made it into the lounge of the Crystal King's palace. Luigi and Lock started to look around while Waluigi started to steal stuff.

"Hey, I'm a thief. It's what I do. Ouch!" Waluigi shouted in pain as Lock grabbed his ear.

"Put back the treasured artifacts, the Declaration of Independence, the Liberty Bell, the Eiffel Tower, and that chest of treasure from Blackbeard in his pirating days," Lock shouted. Waluigi whimpered and held onto a chocolate bar. "Fine, you can keep the chocolate bar."

Then, a faint voice from Koopa Kastle shouted “Chocolate!” rushed to Waluigi, beat up Waluigi and Lock and stole the chocolate.

"Hmm, I wonder... Why isn't any enemy appearing to pummel us?" Luigi asked. A sinister voice replied, "Maybe because I destroyed them, Slick."

"No way, only one person uses Slick, and that's... AL GORE AND THE SWEEDISH BREAKDANCING TEAM!" The Duplighost sweatdropped as he fell down from the ceiling.

"Okay... ouch..." Doopliss grumbled. Luigi gasped.

"It's Doopliss! WITH A GELATIN CUP IN HIS HANDS!" Luigi screamed and wet his pants. Waluigi stared at Luigi.

"I thought you got over that habit," Waluigi said.

"Aw shut up, Ugly," Luigi retorted at Waluigi. Waluigi started crying and sobbing.

"I do hope you won't mind if I take your Pixl buddy, will you? Great. SO LONG, CHUMPS!" Doopliss laughed as he grabbed Lock and disappeared and left behind... SOME SHADOW DOOPLISS CLONES!

"Clones!" Luigi gasped. "That's soooooo unoriginal." Luigi sighed. "Looks like we’ve got a fight ahead of us, Waluigi!"


Luigi (HP 25/25) FP: 6
Waluigi (HP 15/15)
Doopliss Clone 1
Doopliss Clone 2
Doopliss Clone 3
Doopliss Clone 4

Opening Statements:
Luigi: No freaking way are we gonna defeat all of these monsters alone...
Waluigi: Naw, YA THINK?!

Luigi uses Waluigi Magnum on All Doopliss Clones!
Luigi stuffs Waluigi in a bazooka and fires him at them!
Waluigi takes 2 Damage!
Doopliss Clones each take 50 Damage!
Everyone: 0_o
Waluigi (HP 13/15)

Waluigi: I'm suspicious....
Waluigi uses Gamble! 2 FP consumed. It lands on Mushroom and Mushroom.
Enemy info revealed!
Doopliss Clone
200 HP, ATK 9, DEF -55
These monsters are extremely powerful and have high HP, but their defense is so low that even a Goomba could have hopes of defeating them! They drop almost no loot but carry lots of Star Points.
Waluigi: Score! ^_^
Luigi: -_-;;
Doopliss Clones 1-4 (HP 150/200)
FP: 4

Doopliss Clone 1 uses Fusion!
Doopliss Clones become....
Luigi: Wow, real creative.
Doopliss-Clone Man: *sniff* Words hurt too, ya know.
DCM takes 12 Damage!
Doopliss-Clone Man (HP 38/50)

Luigi uses Cutlass.
DCM takes 3 Damage!
DCM drowns Luigi in a flood!
- PAUSE! -
Lemmy: Okay, so how is that possible?
Pie Guy: Because the author of this Fun Fiction, Brandon the Science Toad, makes it possible.
Lemmy: ... I'm questioning the sanity of this writer.....
Luigi takes 4 Damage!
DCM (HP 35/40)
Luigi (HP 21/25)

Waluigi uses Ultra-Omega-Zomega Punch! on DCM. 2 FP consumed.
Luigi: NOT THIS AGAIN! Last time you used this, Jack Squat happened.
Waluigi: BUT THIS TIME....
Ultra-Omega-Zomega Punch... VERSION 1.1!!!
Luigi: Liek, ZOMG. 0_0
(Lemmy: It's amazing how plumbers can be awed by different versions of the same attack.)
*insert Al-Capone shooting sounds here*
Luigi: HOLY SMOKES! ... Mmm... Bacon...
DCM takes 1 Damage.
Waluigi: That's why it's version 1.1 An all-or-nothing attack.
DCM (HP 34/50)

DCM uses Doopliss Tackle!
Luigi: Catch, Waluigi!
Luigi throws a football to Waluigi before he gets tackled.
Luigi: Oof!
Waluigi: I'm gonna make the goal!
Waluigi punts the football and it flies allllll the way over to Lord Ombre's castle and smacks him in the face/
Waluigi: GOAL!
DCM: Your antics have confused me!
DCM is confused.
Luigi takes 5 Damage.
Luigi (HP 16/25)

Luigi uses Item: Random Bag
Regis: You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
Regis pulls out a machine gun and shoots DCM a lot of times.
Luigi: Huh. So that's why Daisy gave this to me seven days ago.
DCM takes 16 Damage!

Waluigi uses Punch.

DCM uses I Know You Are, But What Am I? on ALL!
Luigi: OW! DOH! EEK! *biff! smash! thunk! BACKHANDED!
Waluigi: NOT THE FACE! *crash! bump! thump. STAMP! FRONTHANDED! *
Luigi takes 16 Damage.
Waluigi takes 16 Damage.
DCM: That's what you get for doing that 32 Damage to me!
Luigi (HP 0/25) OUT! Spare Life Mushroom!
Waluigi (HP 0/25) OUT! Spare Life Mushroom!

Luigi uses Shroom Shake. (1 Left!)
Luigi heals 5 HP.
Waluigi heals 5 HP.
Luigi (HP 10/25)
Waluigi (HP 10/15)

Waluigi uses Mario Party 3 Unison Attack! 2 FP consumed.
Waluigi: ATTACK!
Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Toad, DK, Wario, Daisy, Waluigi, Thwomp, Boo, Bob-omb, Millenium Star, Tumble, Goomba, Koopa, Koopa Kid, Chain Chomp, Piranha Plant, Snifit, Bowser, Tweester, Mr. Blizzard, and Whomp rush in and beat the stuffing out of DCM. Then, Game Guy runs in and steals his wallet.
Game Guy: SUCKER!
Luigi: 0_0  I'm scared of you now, Waluigi.
Waluigi: I'm scared of you too, Mr. Ugly!
Luigi: No.
Luigi pushes a button and a cardboard cutout of Morton Koopa appears.
Luigi: This is.
DCM is Instantly KOed due to sheer luck!
DCM (HP 0/40)

Earned 500 Star Points! Earned 0 Coins. Found Small HP Booster and Small FP Booster.
Luigi is now Lvl 8. HP has increased by 10, ATK + 2, and DEF + 1. Learned Waluigi Magnum V.2. Max FP is now 10.
Waluigi is now Lvl 7. HP has increased by 10, ATK + 1, and DEF + 2. Learned Shadow Piranha Plant.


“Ooh! Yummy,” Luigi said. He ate the HP Booster and FP Booster

Luigi: HP + 3! FP + 1!
Waluigi: HP + 2!

"We should continue and get that Frost Star Stamp and rescue Lock, too," Luigi said. Waluigi nodded. "WE'RE COMING TO SAVE YOU, FROST STAR STAMP! ... AND MAYBE YOU TOO, LOCK!" The duo rushed off into the Crystal Palace.

Pie Guy: Oh boy! Looks like Waluigi has learned about his secret that has been kept locked away for years! Lock's been kidnapped and we finally know thepower of the Mischief Star Stamp! Mario's been possessed by Lord Ombre!

Fun Fact: Did you know that Ombre means Shadow in French?

Pie Guy: SHUT UP! *slaps the Fun Fact with a newspaper* Brandon, the Toad Rebel, has fled to Toad Town and escaped Lord Ombre's clutches! Will Luigi and Waluigi get the Frost Star Stamp? Or will they eat Doopliss' dirt? We can only give one hint.... The trio aren't enough to stop Lord Ombre! He sounds like Omelette... OMELETTE PIE! Yumz. Anyways, now we tune back in to our unlikely heroes as they go after the Crystal King, Doopliss, and the first Star Stamp! They'll probably forget Lock, though.

Chapter 5: A Snowstorm to Remember

"Come on, Waluigi! Keep up or I'll be forced to bury you in the snow and leave you," Luigi said. Luigi was already at the top of many new platforms in the Crystal King's palace. Waluigi was stumbling behind.

"You wouldn't survive a minute without me..." Waluigi grumbled. Luigi groaned and grabbed Waluigi by the legs. "Hey! Hey! Watch the legs, man. I need them."

"You wouldn't even notice that they were gone," Luigi mumbled. "Hey, nice song." Waluigi looked up in confusion.

"What song?" Waluigi asked.

"That smooth jazz that's playing. If you hadn't noticed, I likey the Smoothy Jazz," Luigi replied in "Simple Form".  Waluigi just shook his head and noticed 2 pedestals up ahead. "Hey, what's that?" Luigi asked and dropped Waluigi. "MAYBE IT'S CANDY!!! WHEEE!" Luigi ran to the pedestal and started to bite it. Waluigi sighed and got onto the pedestal. A voice came out of nowhere...

"Are you two the Chosen and his ally?" the voice asked. Waluigi nodded while Luigi growled at the voice. "... The Chosen One is odd." Waluigi sighed.

"You don't even wanna know what he does Monday through Sunday," Waluigi told him.

"But isn't that the whole week? I am the guardian of the Crystal Palace. Should you defeat me, I shall let you past," the voice said.

"And who are you, O Not-so great mystical being?" Luigi asked. Then, out of nowhere the Crystal King appeared.

"IT'S ME!" The Crystal King said.

"#%#@%#@$%$^$%#@^$@^@!!!" Luigi and Waluigi shouted.



Luigi (HP 38/38)
Waluigi (HP 28/28)
Crystal King (HP 75/75)

Luigi: WHAT THE?!

Waluigi: 0_0  We're dead.

Crystal King uses Master Combo!
Luigi: GAH!
Luigi blocks.
LUCKY! Half of the Damage is done.
Luigi takes 8 Damage.
Waluigi: ._. Zomg.
Luigi (HP 30/38)

Luigi uses Ultra Jump. 2 FP consumed.
Luigi stomps on the Crystal King twice.
TIMED HIT! Perfect!
3 x 3 = 9 Damage!
Luigi: Bravo!
Crystal King (HP 66/75)
FP: 8

Waluigi uses Shadow Piranha Plant. 3 FP consumed.
Shadow Piranha Plant is formed.
Shadow Piranha Plant (HP 4/4)
FP: 5

Shadow Piranha Plant uses Chomp.
S.PP: Mmm! Lunch. GRAH!
Crystal King takes 3 Damage.
Defense is Shattered!
Crystal King: NO! MY DEFENSE!
Crystal King (HP 63/75)

Crystal King uses Snowstorm on All!
Crystal King: TASTE MY FURY!
Luigi blocks. 2 Damage is done.
Waluigi takes it like a man and cries. 3 Damage done.
S. PP takes 2 Damage.
Luigi (HP 28/30)
Waluigi (HP 25/28)
Shadow Piranha Plant (2/4)

Luigi uses Waluigi Magnum V.2! on Crystal King. 4 FP consumed.
FP: 1
Luigi: Waluigi MAGNUM V.2! YAHOO!
Luigi stuffs Waluigi into a cannon and loads it with dynamite. Luigi shoots the dynamite and Waluigi at the Crystal King.
Crystal King: GAH! YOU CHEATER!
Crystal King takes 5 Damage.
Waluigi takes 3 Damage. +1 Explosion.
Waluigi (charred): I really want to learn the move Luigi Magnum now.
Waluigi (HP 21/28)
Crystal King (HP 58/75)

Shadow Piranha Plant uses Gnaw on Luigi.
S. PP: For the Master!
Luigi takes 4 Damage.
Luigi: DIE, SCUM!
Luigi shoots Pepper Spray in the Piranha Plant's eyes.
A truck runs the S. PP over.
Crystal King: 0_0 And this is the Chosen?
S.PP (HP 0/4) OUT!
Luigi (HP 24/38)

Waluigi uses Shadow Bind.
Luigi: YOU FOOL!
Waluigi: Oops.
Crystal King, Crystal... King: These guys are annoying me. And since when was this a Survivor show?
(Pie Guy: It wasn't.)
Crystal King: ... Oh.
Crystal King uses Blizzaga.
Luigi: You stole that from Final Fantasy!
Crystal King: Uh... No I didn't.
Luigi: Oh, okay.
(Pie Guy: Moron.)
50,000 shards of ice pelt everyone.
Luigi takes 12 Damage.
Waluigi takes 12 Damage.
Luigi (HP 12/38)
Waluigi (HP 9/28)

Luigi uses Item: Random Bag.
Ness appears out of nowhere.
Something really awesome happens, but I don't know what it is since I don't have Earthbound... I blame society.
After the really awesome thing happens....
Crystal King takes 8 Damage.
Luigi: Well... that was random....
Crystal King (HP 50/75)

Waluigi uses Item: Random Bag.
A Swedish Breakdancing team rushes in and restores all of Luigi's FP.
Waluigi: What about me?
They all backhand Waluigi.
FP: 10

Crystal King uses Brain Freeze Alpha on Luigi.
Luigi is Brain-Shocked.
Luigi takes 5 Damage.
Luigi (HP 7/38) BRAIN-SHOCK

Luigi is Brain-Shocked!
Luigi swipes at Waluigi!
Waluigi: What the-
Waluigi takes 3 Damage.
Waluigi (HP 6/28)

Waluigi uses Ultra-Omega-Zomega Punch V.2! on Crystal King and Luigi. 2 FP consumed.
Waluigi: Let's hope this works...
Luigi is no longer Brain-Shocked.
Crystal King takes 4 Damage.
Waluigi heals 4 HP.
Luigi has temporarily learned "Volt Smash".
Waluigi has temporarily lost the ability to Defend.
Luigi (HP 7/38)
Waluigi (HP 10/28)
Crystal King (HP 46/75)
FP: 8

Crystal King uses Blizzard on ALL!
Luigi: Oh snap.
Luigi blocks and takes 3 Damage.
Waluigi blocks and takes 3 Damage.
Crystal King takes 3 Damage.
Crystal King: Darn it!
Luigi (HP 4/38) DANGER!
Waluigi (HP 7/28)
Crystal King (HP 43/75)

Luigi uses Mr. L Smackdown! 2 FP consumed.
Mr. L: Sup.
Mr. L starts to go Jackie-Chan on Crystal King.
Crystal King: NOT THE FACE- OW!
Clunk, thump, whack, smash, insert action SFX here.
This space for Rent.
Luigi has turned into Mr. L for 4 turns.
Crystal King takes 5 Damage.
Crystal King (38/75)
Mr. L (HP 4/38) 4 TURNS LEFT
FP: 6

Waluigi uses Gamble. 2 FP consumed.
Waluigi: What is my fortune, you insignificant dice?
Dice: You get a Fire Flower and a Mushroom.
Waluigi gets a sledgehammer and thunks Crystal King in the face. Then, Waluigi uses Shadow Bind and snaps the Crystal King's spine in half, and then an army of Shadow Piranha Plants trample the Crystal King.
Mr. L: Liek, ZOMG.
Crystal King takes 7 Damage.
Crystal King is Angry! ATK + 2!
Crystal King (HP 31/75) ANGRY!
FP: 4

Crystal King uses Crystal Shard Darts.
Mr. L: You had to smack him in the face, ya loon.
3 darts hit Mr. L while 2 hit Waluigi.
Waluigi: Ow. That's gonna hurt in the morning.
Mr. L takes 5 Damage.
Waluigi takes 5 Damage.
Mr. L (HP 0/38) OUT!
Waluigi (HP 2/28) DANGER!

Mr. L: Waluigi, you fool... *thump*

Waluigi uses Mushroom.
Waluigi heals 5 HP.
A Mushroom is thrown to Waluigi and Waluigi heals 5 more HP.
Waluigi (HP 12/28)

Crystal King uses Blizzaga.
Waluigi: Ha ha.
Crystal King: *sniff* Words hurt too, ya know, Slick. Uh, I mean... Chump!
Crystal King takes 2 Damage!
Crystal King (HP 29/75)

Waluigi uses Gamble. 2 FP consumed.
It lands on Poison Mushroom and Poison Mushroom.
Waluigi: 0_0
A giant anvil falls on Waluigi and crushes him.
Waluigi takes 11 Damage and loses his bank account to Peach.

---- Battle Pause! ----

Waluigi: Is this the end?

Crystal King: I'm afraid so!

????: Not in this Mushroomer's life!

Brandon jumps through the window, looking tired and bruised.

Waluigi and Crystal King: 0_0

Brandon: I heard you were in trouble and going to save the world. Plus, I heard that there's a rare Pixl somewhere. MUST CATCH AND KILL! Uh, I mean.... help you guys?

Waluigi: Whatever floats your boat, Jack.

Brandon: Why thank you.

Brandon has Joined the Party!

HP: 30/30
Known Moves:
Danger Ability: Cook
Hi-Jump - 2 FP
The Meaning of Random - 1 FP
PSI Jammin' - 3 FP
Weapon - Rusty Wrench
Armor - L-Shirt
Accessory - None

----Battle Unpause----

Waluigi (HP 1/28) PERIL!

Brandon uses PSI Jammin' on Crystal King. 3 FP consumed.
Brandon starts smashing the Crystal King with a guitar and then plays so bad that Boo Man Bluff becomes blind again after he could see.
Crystal King takes 6 Damage.
FP: 1
Crystal King: Grr. It's time I revealed my true identity!
Crystal King turns into...

Waluigi: Doopliss!
Brandon: Barney!
Everyone stares at him.
Brandon: … He's the spawn of evil?
Everyone nods.
Doopliss: And now, we do things my way!
Doopliss (HP 23/75)

Doopliss uses Mimic!
Doopliss turns into Luigi.
Luigi?: Nyuk! You can't hurt your idol, Brandon, so- OW!
Brandon just backhanded him.
Brandon: I can do that because I'm a psycho.
Luigi? stares at Waluigi with an "ARE YOU NUTS?!" look.
Luigi? (HP 23/75)

Waluigi uses Punch.
Waluigi: DIE, LUIGI!
Luigi? takes 3 Damage.
Luigi? (HP 20/75)

Brandon uses "The Meaning of Random". 1 FP is consumed.
Brandon turns into Doopliss and starts screaming about cheddar and how great it is.
Luigi?: Psh. Good luck. No one's here!
Then suddenly, a whole bunch of tourists from Lemmy's Land come in.
Brandon the Science Toad: Liek, OMG. It's Doopliss and he wants to marry cheddar cheese! Let's all point and laugh at his ugly expense.
And then they all went out for some MOZZARELLA!
Luigi? takes 7 Damage due to public humiliation.
Waluigi: Um... Okay...
Luigi? turns back into Doopliss.
Doopliss (HP 13/75)
FP: 1

Doopliss uses Sonic Dive on Brandon.
Brandon: YARGH! I BE SHOT!
In reality, it was a dart. In unreality, it was a Banzai Bill.
Brandon takes 9 Damage.
Brandon (HP 21/30)

Waluigi uses Steal!
Waluigi has successfully stolen a Life Mushroom.
Mr. L is revived to 5 HP.
Mr. L: Where am I? *sees Brandon* EEEEK! A MUSHROOM THINGY!
Rabid Guard Bunnies maul the Crystal King.
Mr. L (HP 5/38) DANGER!

Brandon uses Wrench!
Brandon: M&Ms. Taste the M inside!
Brandon whacks Doopliss with Le Wrench!
4 Damage is done!
Doopliss (HP 9/75)
Waluigi: 75.
Brandon: %#@%@$%#@%$#@%@$#^%!!!

Doopliss uses Mimic.
Doopliss slaps Brandon with a wrench and sends him into Mr. L
Both: Owie!
Brandon and Mr. L take 4 Damage!
Brandon (HP 17/30)
Mr. L (HP 1/38) PERIL!

Mr. L uses Omega Jump, Danger Ability.
Mr. L: Sayonora CHUMP!
Mr. L rockets into the sky and crushes Doopliss into the ground, instantly KOing him.
Brandon: 0_0
Waluigi: 0_0
Pie Guy: 0_0
Doopliss: BAGELS! ERK! *thump*

Battle Over!
200 Star Points were found. 40 coins were found. Retrieved "Frost Star Stamp".
Luigi: 193 Left Til Lvl. 9
Waluigi: LVL UP! HP + 5, HP + 2 BONUS (Lvl. 9)
Brandon: 735 Left Til Lvl 9

"Grr. This isn't over! We will have the next Star Stamp, and you'll never reach Koopsake Plains before we do! HAIL OMBRE!" Doopliss bellowed and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Where he stood were the unconscious Lock and the gagged Crystal King.

"Well, let's untie the Crystal King." Luigi sighed and cut the ropes with his sword.

"Luigi, Waluigi, funny Mushroom guy, you all have proven yourselves worthy of possessing the Frost Star Stamp," the Crystal King said. "May the winds of DAD guide you safely to Koopsake Plains, where resides the Nature Star Stamp. I must leave now, because Oprah Winfrey is on. So long!" the Crystal King said and went and sat down on a couch that wasn't there 15 minutes ago.

"Well, we got the Frost Star Stamp, and might you please tell me, what in the world is going on?" Brandon asked.

After Luigi suggestws Waluigi do mouth-to-mouth on Lock and an explanation was given...

"Then it's settled," Brandon said.

"What?" Lock asked. Luigi hoped that he would let him smack Waluigi while Waluigi hoped that Brandon would let him smack Luigi for suggesting mouth-to-mouth.

"Brandon Tee Fungi, at your service. And no, Waluigi, you may not smack Luigi. Luigi, back off. You’re plumbers, so don't make me backhand both of you," Brandon said. "I know where Koopsake Plains is. It's past Kalamari Desert. I have a car that can help us get there. But first, let's get out of this place," Brandon said. Luigi, Lock, and Waluigi nodded and began to leave.


The Remaining Star Stamps:

Pie Guy: Thus ends an exciting episode! Luigi and Co. have gained a new friend, defeated Doopliss, and are now traveling to Koopsake Plains! But what dangers await them in the Kalamari Desert? Only time will tell. Until then, here's Pie Guy and Fun Fact saying goodbye and eat your every day dose of PIE! WHEE!

Coming Soon: Chapter 6: You can brave Bowser, Boos, and an evil Witch, but you can't stand up to a desert?!

"It's so hot..." Luigi groaned.

"I need... pie..." Brandon whined and passed out.

"ArewethereyetArewethereyetArewethereyetArewethereyetArewethereyetArewethereyetArewethereyet?" Lock asked.

"%#@%#@%^#&%#&#%&!!!" Waluigi shouted and crashed Brandon's car into a cactus.

To Be Continued...

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