Interlude:
Mario and Co. return from the Aftergames. Inside Merlon’s…
Merlon: So you’re back. Now go put the last Heart in the Pillar! Oh, and I stole, I mean found your laptop, Mario. You’ve got mail.
Mario reads his mail, and his food shoots out of the screen… and lands in Bowser’s mouth.
Mario: … So where’s the last Pillar?
Merlon: In Flopside, duh.
In Flopside, Mario and Co. find the Heart Pillar and put the Heart in. A door appears on Flopside Tower.
Peach: Well, I hope Luvbi enjoys her new home… She’ll be staying there a while.
Bowser: I wondered how she’d fit in there.
Luvbi: …
Luigi: We get it, she’s a Heart now!
On Flopside Tower…
Nolrem: There you guys are!
Peach: How’d you get here?
Nolrem: Magic.
Merlon: Hi!
Peach: How’d you get here?
Merlon: Magic. In this door, is your final challenge, so don’t mess it up.
Tippi: Do we really have to kill Bleck? I think he might be… Never mind.
Bowser: Let’s just straighten this out now: I’m not doing this for any worlds or any person! I’m just doing it to have my army back!
Luigi: Then would you like to enter the big, scary door first?
Bowser: … Never mind.
Nolrem: Now go before I play the Bongos of Doom!
Mario: First Tippi has them, then Squirps, now you?
Nolrem: Yes!
They enter the door.
Merlon: … Ten bucks say they fail.
Nolrem: Bring it on!
Chapter 8:
8-1: The Dark Castle
Or, The Fall of O’Chunks and Bowser.
Actually, it’s the ceiling’s fall.
Mario and Co. arrive in front of Castle Bleck.
Mario: Oh no!
Luigi: They’ve got a cool-looking castle and brilliant music!
Bowser: We don’t stand a chance!
Tippi: How come I’ve barely got any lines?
Peach: Let’s just go.
They are at the front door. They try to enter, but…
Voice: How you say, stop!
Peach: I have a bad feeling about that voice.
They look up to see the two French Meowbots from Fort Francis.
John Claude: Hoh, hoh, hoh. It seems we have found ze intruders from before!
Phillip: Indeed, John Claude! *French laugh*
Peach: Why are you guys here?
John Claude: We quit working for Monsieur Francis once he got, how you say, defeated!
The Meowbots throw a cow at Mario and Co, but Luigi uppercuts it and it lands on Phillip, killing him.
John Claude: Sacre’ bleu!
Claude explodes. Mario and Co. enter the castle.
Peach: Say! I kind of remember some of this stuff!
Mario: Good for you.
Koopatrol: Look, guys! It’s those escaped guys!
Soopa Striker: *gasp* Mr. L betrayed us!
Luigi: Who?
Everyone smacks his or her heads. After using Bowser to piledrive through the castle area, Mario and Co. find some torches that are unlit.
Luigi: How do we know which ones to light?
Bowser: We’ll just light them all!
Bowser does so, and nothing happens. Peach leaves the room and comes back.
Peach: You’re supposed to light all of them except the first and the second to last.
Mario pours a bucket of water on the ones Peach mentioned, and stairs appear. Mario and Co. scale the stairs and enter the next room.
O’Chunks: Oy! So ye deceded to chunk up the Count? Well ye didn’t expect fer me to be ‘ere and get chunked ‘ourselves, did ye?
Luigi: Stop talking.
O’Chunks: Mr. L! Ye survived! But why are ye on the other side?
Luigi: Who’s Mr. L?
O’Chunks: … Anyway, it’s time for all ye teh die!
Bowser: Bring it on!
Peach: Bowser? Why do you want to fight him?
Bowser: Because like how you and Mimi are the girls of your respective groups, Mario and Bleck are the leaders of their respective groups, and insert comparison between Luigi and Dimentio here, O’Chunks and I are the “Big Guys” of our respective groups. So we have to fight.
Luigi: But I never got a chance to fight him!
Bowser: Too bad!
Mario, Luigi, and Peach leave.
O’Chunks: Die!
O’Chunks farts himself into the air, and Bowser breathes fire on the cloud, causing explosions that defeat O’Chunks. Everyone else comes back in.
Tippi: I stayed with you, so you could at least use me…
Cudge: Or me.
Fleep: Ro em.
Tippi: He said, “Or me”.
The ceiling starts to fall. Luigi and Bowser panic, but then everyone notices that O’Chunks is holding up the ceiling.
Mario: Uh, why aren’t you letting the wall squish us?
O’Chunks: Well first, it’d have killed meh too. Second, meh clan’s clichéd Code of Honor makes me have to let ye pass. Just don’t chunk up the Count, oy?
Bowser: Like we’ll listen to you! I won’t let you prove you’re better than me!
Bowser then helps O’Chunks hold up the ceiling.
Bowser: There! This isn’t so hard!
O’Chunks: What’re ye doin’?! Just go!
Bowser: You!
O’Chunks: You.
Tippi: Mario, I’m pretty sure Bowser’s gonna stay here, so we should probably continue.
Mario: Good idea. Come on, Luigi and Peach… and other Pixls.
They leave. P.T. enters the room holding pizza boxes.
P.T.: Hey, O’Chunks. The pizza’s here.
O’Chunks: Eh’m a little busy now.
P.T.: Okay, I’ll go set it on the table.
P.T. nonchalantly leaves the room just
in time for the ceiling to crash. Meanwhile, Mario and Co. hit the Star
Block.
8-2: The Tricky Transformer
Or, Who’s up for a catfight?
Tippi: Now that Bowser’s dead, what do we do?
Mario: Have you ever played New Super Mario Bros? He’s been turned into a skeleton. That might be worse than some other things he’s been through, but a ceiling won’t stop him.
Peach: Yep. I bet I’ll be kidnapped again next week, by him.
Luigi: Insert line here!
They enter the next room and find Merlon.
Merlon: Hello, Mario and Co.
P.T. walks through the room.
P.T.: Hi, Mimi. That’s your best Merlon disguise yet.
Mimi: D’oh!
She transforms.
Mimi: Die!
She presses a button and Mario and Co. fall down through a hole and are in a prison.
Peach: How will we escape?
Luigi: Well, we could walk through that big gap where they forgot to add all the bars…
Peach: … This never happened.
They walk out and find a pipe to escape. They are taken to an above platform with treasure chests.
Mario: Boy, these guys are lazy.
He finds a key and they all go down to the locked door and unlock it. They find lots of stairs.
Luigi: This seems slightly familiar.
Red Magiblot: Here! Take this key!
Mario: Why are you helping?
Red Magiblot: Because now you owe me a favor! Give me that toy truck!
Mario: Never!
Mario cudges the RM to death and they unlock the door at the end of the room with Mushrooms on strings.
Luigi: How’d you know they were traps?
Peach: Because the Mushrooms had “We’re just being used as bait so you’ll fall into a hole” on them.
Merlee: Hello, I have found you. Now
I must ask you five questions, minus two. What do you fear the most? It’ll
be the next room’s host!
A. Squiglet
B. Barribad
C. Fried Chicken
Peach: AAAH!!! FRIED CHICKEN!
Merlee: Second, what’s the hardest to
kill? Be in the room after the next, it will.
A. Squig
B. Sobarribad
C. A Christmas tree
Mario: B?
Merlee: Final one. Which of these makes
you want to run?
A. Squog
B. Francis
C. A minivan
Luigi: B!
Merlee: Okay. Time to go to bed for the day.
She disappears.
Peach: Why did you pick B?
Luigi: I wanted to see what’d happen.
They enter the next room and find a plate of fried chicken. Peach ducks under her parasol, and Mario eats it. In the next room, they find a Sobarribad. But Mario flips past the barrier, and cudges the Sobarribad to death. In the next room, they find Francis.
Francis: Nerr, how’d I get here?
Tippi: Francis?!
Mario and Peach: Francis?!
Luigi: Who?
Francis: Schweet! Francine! Will you please come back to me? You’re so Hi-Technicaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!
Tippi: Never!
Francis: Die!
Francis disappears, but Peach finds and attacks him again. He takes a picture with the bright flash and is invisible again.
Luigi: I hope he got my good side.
Everyone Else: …
Francis appears and eats Mario, but spits him out because he started to attack his insides. He tries to summon Meowbombs on his laptop, but Luigi throws Cudge at it, destroying it. The three then beat Francis up a lot.
Francis: This is not schweet, nerr! If I can’t have Francine, then I’ll build my own Francine robot!
Tippi: My name is Tippi!
Francis: Okay then, nerr.
Francis leaves and the heroes enter the next room.
Merlee: (in a manly voice) HOW DARE YOU?!
Luigi: Whubba?
Merlee becomes Mimi.
Mimi: You lied! You didn’t actually pick what scares you the most!
Mario: Actually, we kind of did.
Peach: Besides, why is a minor working for Bleck like this?
Mimi: Because… (demonic voice) I CAN DESTROY YOU!!
Lightning flashes, even though there aren’t windows.
Peach: … I take it it’s my turn for a one-on-one with you.
Mimi: Pretty much.
Mario and Luigi leave the room, and Mimi transforms. She uses rubees to attack, and Peach tries to pry her face open again, but can’t.
Mimi: THIS is my true form, Princess of Silly Peaches!
Ghost of Luvbi’s Nimbi form: My line!
Peach: How’s everyone know about my secret kingdom?!
Mimi does her rubee buzz-saw attack, but Peach thinks quickly and takes away her rubees. When Mimi returns to spider form, Peach throws one rubee like a dart, luckily going through all the legs, defeating Mimi. She turns back to normal, and the Mario Bros. come in.
Mario: Ha, Peach won! You owe me!
Luigi: Dang it.
Mario, Luigi, and the Pixls continue. Peach stays behind to rub her victory in Mimi’s face.
Peach: I won the fi-ight! I won the fi-ight! I won the fi-ight!
Mimi: Darn!
The floor opens up under Mimi, but Peach grabs her arm.
Mimi: Why are you helping?
Peach: Because you stole my wallet!
Mimi: How’d you know?
Mimi’s weight causes Peach to fall in, but she grabs the ledge. But a fried chicken appears a few feet away from Peach’s hand.
Peach: OH NOES!
Peach, in fear, lets go of the platform and they both fall to their supposed doom. Meanwhile…
Tippi: Oh no! Peach died!
Luigi: I wouldn’t doubt that. With her parasol, she’d probably glide down safely. But how’d I know that her doom involved falling?
Tippi: Magic.
Mario goes over and hits the Star Block.
8-3: The Dimensional Game of Tag
Or, Dimentio Spills the Beans
Mario and Luigi find a room with a platform spanning the platform.
Tippi: You have to jump up to the platform, then walk along and enter the door. Or else the door will just take you back to the start of this room. See, I still know a lot like in 1-3.
Luigi: Where was I?
Tippi: … I don’t know.
Mario and Luigi go through that path and enter a hall of mirrors. Dimentio clones appear in the mirrors and shoot at the Bros.
Tippi: (sarcastically) Hmm. I wonder who we’ll face in this sub-chapter.
They jump from platform to platform (not to mention get knocked off the platforms precisely three billion times due to the attacks and Longadiles). They enter one mirror and find a key, then try to leave. However the mirror bars itself.
Longadile: You must answer my riddle if you wish to leave. Do I smell cookies?
Mario: Uh, yes?
Longadile: You may pass.
Mario: That was a lot easier than the Longator’s riddle.
After unlocking the door, they find themselves in a hallway with stairs and a locked door at the top.
Mario: Now what?
Luigi: I know!
Luigi makes Fleep flip the door, but he places his foot in the way, keeping the door sideways, so they can get through.
Mario: That must really hurt your foot.
Luigi: … Yes…
They enter the next room and find lots of platforms.
Tippi: This room seems to be the same as that other one. Only the correct path is more complicated.
Mario flips and walks around the room, and makes a sketch of the correct path. They then follow it and find themselves in another hall of mirrors, onky there are no Dimentio clines,
Longadile: Die!
Mario Bros: MARIO BROS. POWERS ACTIVATE!
Luigi: Form of, a bucket of water!
Mario: … Not that kind of power…
Mario and Luigi use a Bros. Attack on the Longadile, killing it. They find another mirror to enter and find… no one?
Luigi: Um, shouldn’t there be at least one monster in here?
A Dimentio clone appears.
Dimentio: We’re on our coffee break.
Luigi: Okay then.
Mario and Luigi take the key and enter the next room and meet Dimentio.
Dimentio: I welcome you like a doorman at a hotel. Listen. You two are the only ones who can possibly defeat Count Bleck, so will you please join me and kill him?
Mario: You want to betray him?
Dimentio: No, he already betrayed me. And O’Chunks. And Mimi. And Nastasia. And P.T. And possibly Mr. L, over there.
Luigi: Mr. who?
P.T.: Hey, someone called me by name!
Dimentio: He said that when the worlds were gone, we’d get a perfect world in their place, but not really! Though I probably should’ve seen it coming when the brochure for joining him said, “We’ll destroy every single world and not create any new ones.” So will you join me? I’ll even give you this perfume I invented called Demented.
P.T.: That rhymes!
Luigi: If he’s betrayed you all, why didn’t you tell the other minions?
Dimentio: Then I wouldn’t be as cool!
P.T.: Ha ha! I heard your secret plan!
Dimentio: Uh, no you didn’t?
P.T.: Okay.
P.T. leaves.
Mario: We won’t work for you. And shouldn’t this be happening after the dimensional game of tag we’re not supposed to know about yet?
Dimentio: … Oops. Oh well.
Dimentio leaves. Mario uses Fleep on the rift, and appear in Lineland.
1-1: The Flip Wizard
Luigi: This place seems pleasant.
Tippi: Follow that jester!
Mario and Co. follow Dimentio through the area, and use Fleep to enter another world.
2-3: The Debt
Mario and Co. appear in the area of Merlee’s Mansion where the vase was broken. They climb to the top.
Luigi: How will we get past the barriers?
Mario: I have a rubber suit, but only one.
Tippi presses a nearby button and the barriers disappear.
Mario Bros: …
They walk over and use Fleep.
3-2: The Tile Pool
The group finds themselves in the Tile Pool. They follow Dimentio, but Luigi isn’t moving. Mario takes him to the surface.
Mario: What’s wrong?
Luigi: I can’t swim!
Mario: … You could swim before, though…
Luigi: Or was I?
Mario: I’ll get back to you on that.
One quick swimming lesson later, they follow Dimentio and use Fleep to get to the next world.
4-2: The Paper Search
On Planet Blobule, the group appear and follow Dimentio. But some of the citizens follow and beat up Luigi.
Citizen: That’s for being such a jerk! You big meanie from two sub-chapters ahead!
Luigi: This all- ow- has to do with- ow- that Mr. L thing everyone- ow- tells me about- ow-, doesn’t it?
Luigi breaks free and quickly goes over to the others. Fleep takes them to another world.
5-2: The Tablets
Mario: I remember this place.
Luigi: I don’t.
The Mega Shell then runs over them, taking them to the area with the rift. Fleep takes them to the next world.
6-1: The Duel of 100
In the World of Nothing, the Mega Shell (still with Mario and Co. on it) slides along, and Fleep quickly takes them all to the next world in the two seconds it’s nearby (the shell is real fast).
7-2: The Doors
Mario and Co. jump off the shell, and climb up to Dorguy the First. Fleep then takes them back to Castle Bleck.
8-3: The Dimensional Game of Tag
Mario: Okay, Fleep. You’ve outlived your usefulness.
Mario grabs Fleep and shapes him into a pretzel. Breadward shows up.
Breadward: Hey! Now we’re toast and a pretzel… and a hammer?
Cudge: Oh, I just want to see what’ll happen to Fleep.
The Mega Shell runs over all three of them, killing them. Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: Okay, if you won’t help, I’ll kill you. I’ll start with Luigi. His mustache will make a fine trophy.
Luigi: First, ew. Second, how? Third, YOU DIE NOW!
Mario: Yeah, he’s sensitive about his ‘stache.
Mario and Tippi leave.
Luigi: Hey! How come Bowser and Peach got Tippi, but I don’t?
Dimentio: Because no one likes you.
Luigi: Look! A thing!
Dimentio: Where?
Luigi punches Dimentio in the face while he’s not looking.
Luigi: MUSTACHE POWER ACTIVATE! Form of, a bucket of water!
Luigi becomes a bucket of water, and pours steaming hot water on Dimentio.
Dimentio: OW! You win!
Dimentio makes a box around them.
Luigi: You’re suicidal too?
Dimentio: No, it’s just for one of the final steps in my plan.
Luigi: Oh, then if it’s for a plan, then by all means.
Dimentio causes the box to explode.
Luigi and Dimentio are both nonchalant about it. In the next room, Mario
hits the Star Block.
8-4: The Two Lovers
Or, And then there was one
Mario and Tippi are now all alone in Castle Bleck’s inner sanctum.
Tippi: So do you think the others will survive?
Mario: Seeing as how they’re important characters in my series, yes.
They go and find a hidden door. On the other side, they find a room with platforms that rise and lower. Some of them blend in with the background, so Mario falls a lot. In the next room, there are some platforms that rise, and some that lower. After moments of miserable failures, Mario makes it to the end, only to find…
Mario: I NEED A KEY?! Why didn’t I let Fleep live?!
Blue Magiblot: Here, take this key!
Mario: Thanks! … Why are you helping?
Blue Magiblot: So you’ll owe me! I want you to give me that toy truck!
Yellow Magiblot: But I want it!
Blue Magiblot: Over my dead body!
The Magiblots kill each other as Mario continues.
Mario: Oh no…
Tippi: You’re right…
Both: MEGA MUTH STAMPEDE!
They all charge at Mario and Tippi, but a Goomba gets in the way like before. Mario and Tippi pass through and enter a room with lots of fake doors. If you’remember the Floating Head Minion fantasy, O’Chunks’ body knocked itself out by running into one of the fake doors.
Mario: How on Plit are we going to get past this?
Tippi: If you’d pay attention, you’ll see all the fake doors are gone.
Mario: Huh?
Copta: Yeah, P.T. wanted the path to be clear so there’s be fewer kinks to work out for Floating Head Minion. Now I have to hurt you.
Mario kills the Copta and strolls through the hallways in peace. They then find a gigantic stairway and go up.
Mario: Hmm. This is my last chance to ditch this adventure and do something else.
Tippi: Isn’t it my last chance too?
Mario: Don’t question things you cannot understand!
The Mega Shell then comes through and knocks Mario and Tippi into the next room. It’s Count Bleck’s meeting room!
Wracktail and Shadoo: Why haven’t we appeared yet?
Because!
The Mega Shell then runs them over.
Bleck: Bleh, heh, heh, heh. BLECK! It’s time for Mario to die! Nastasia, leave the room!
Nastasia: Um, sir? I don’t think that’s k, K?
Bleck: Too bad!
She leaves.
Mario: It’s interesting. You’re the main villain, only this is only the third time I’ve ever been near you.
Bleck: Mario has a point. Now die!
BOSS: MONSTROUS MONOCLED MAN: COUNT BLECK
Bleck flies around and shoots mini voids at Mario. Mario tries to jump on him, but the Chaos Heart protects him.
Tippi: You really stink at fighting. Blumiere, can’t you just stop this?
P.T. appears.
P.T.: What? You’re the Timpani that this guy is always whining about?
Mario and Bleck smack their heads. Tippi would, but she has no hands.
Bleck: Now to kill Mario!
Voice: Boy, Mario. You never give up this easily when you raid my castle!
Bowser appears, followed by Peach and Luigi.
Mario: Oh. Hi, guys.
Peach: You’re not surprised we survived?
Mario: No, you guys are key characters in this series, so it was most likely you’d stick around.
Luigi: Good point.
The Pure Hearts appear around Bleck and destroy his barrier.
Bleck: OH NOES!
Tippi: Now you can defeat him!
P.T.: Don’t worry, boss guy! I’ll help you!
P.T. leaves and comes back on stilts.
P.T.: FEAR THE WORLD’S TALLEST MINION!
Bowser breathes fire on his stilts, making P.T. have to jump to safety… only he lands on the floor.
P.T.: I’m okay.
Bleck: He never really was much of a boss.
Bleck then shoots a mini void at Mario, but he flips and gets past. He un-flips and hurts Bleck. He then throws Bleck across the room, and Bleck shoots at Peach, who is higher up. She glides down to safety and lands on Bleck. She then kicks him over to Bowser, who jumps on him and roasts him. The pain causes Bleck to fly up, so Luigi can High Jump. That works as an uppercut attack, and Luigi hits Bleck hard on his way back down. They all four then attack Bleck real hard. He reappears on the ground, defeated.
P.T.: Uh, do I still get paid this week?
Nastasia: Oh no! Boss, um, are you okay?!
Bleck: Okay, finish Count Bleck now…
Tippi: Aw, do they have to? We finally met again!
Bleck: Yes, Count Bleck can’t live much longer, and it’ll stop the void from destroying us all.
Nastasia notices a projectile aimed for Bleck.
Nastasia: COUNT! LOOK OUT, K?
She gets hit and falls over.
P.T.: Oh come on, it couldn’t have hurt THAT much.
Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: Silly assistant! Trix are for kids! Uh, I mean… Oh forget it. I am the real Dark One in the Dark Prognosticus! Now come to me, Mr. L!
A Floro-Sprout grows on Luigi’s head.
Luigi/Mr. L: Huh? How’d I get here? And why am I in these dorky threads again? And why is there a sprout on my head? WHAT’S GOING ON?!
Dimentio: Oops, I had the dial on the Floro-Sprout on “Minion” instead of “Slave”. Mario, would you please turn the dial?
Mario: Certainly.
He does.
Luigi/Mr. L: What’s your bidding, Dimentio?
Dimentio: Hmm. Flap your arms like a chicken!
He does.
Dimentio: That’s funny! Now stop and go fuse with the Chaos Heart!
P.T.: Chaos Heart? That sounds like some Sonic/Kingdom Hearts item reject.
The two things fuse and become a freakish clown thing with a messed up version of Luigi’s head.
Thing: GREEEN!
Mario: Why’d he say that?
Dimentio: I dunno.
The platforms get clown faces, and start moving around. Dimentio then warps Count Bleck, Tippi, Nastasia, and P.T. to Dimension D. He then hops into the beast’s mouth.
BOSS: COLOSSAL CLOWN CONTRAPTION: SUPER DIMENTIO
Mario: … We’re doomed.
Peach and Bowser: Oh yeah.
Mario and Co. try to hurt Super Dimentio, but nothing works.
SD: Heh heh. I guess it’s time I stop clowning around. Get it? Clowning? Ha! Anyway, I guess I’ll have to kill you now. L-POWER!
Peach: What?
With that, Flipside, Flopside, Lineland, and the Land of the Cragnons are all destroyed. The others are about to be destroyed. Meanwhile…
Bleck: Bleck! Everyone is doomed!
Tippi: First of all, Blumiere, stop referring to you and everyone else in the third person.
Bleck: Fine.
Tippi: Second, we’re not doomed. We still have all the Pure Hearts.
Blumiere: Uh, they were all wasted on me.
Mimi flips into the scene with O’Chunks.
Mimi: Hi, Count!
O’Chunks: Oy! We ‘eard you’d be here from Ms. Nastasia, the lass. What ‘appened to ‘er?
P.T.: Oh, she died.
O’Chunks: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Mimi: Don’t worry, Count. Dimentio might have betrayed you, but we won’t.
Bleck: Fine. But we won’t be evil anymore. Starting today, we’re good guys!
O’Chunks: Okay, Count.
Mimi: Okay.
P.T.: WHAT?!
Bleck: You have a problem being a good guy?
P.T.: No! But I didn’t know we were the bad guys all along! Augh! I gotta get it off of me!
P.T. starts rolling around on the floor.
Everyone Else: …
Then the Pure Hearts appear because of Bleck and Tippi’s love.
Tippi: I’ll go take these to Mario.
She flies off.
O’Chunks: She could do ‘at all along, oy?
Mimi: Stop saying that.
O’Chunks: ‘Kay.
Back in the Meeting Room…
SD: Now to kill you!
Mario: We know.
Peach: All we’ve done is just stand here so the last scene can play.
Bowser: I’m still hungry for fries.
Tippi appears, as do the Pure Hearts.
SD: What?! NO! Those were supposed to be gone after being used on Bleck!
Bowser: Ha! Us love, you zero! Get it? Because this is kind of a love story?
Tippi: Actually in tennis, love means zero.
Bowser: Oh.
SD: I can still kill you, though!
SD starts jumping around the room and the platforms start shooting at Mario and Co. Suddenly, the Mega Shell comes in. Mario, Peach, and Bowser get the same idea and all grab the Mega Shell. They then throw it at SD’s head, causing it to hit the wall, and the Mega Shell starts sliding from wall to wall, causing SD to explode. The Mega Shell then goes through one of the walls.
Mario: All according to plan!
The head falls onto the ground and spits Luigi out.
Luigi: That was weird.
SD’s Head: Oh well! I still have enough power to do two things! First, I’ll get rid of this pointless body!
He spits Dimentio out. Yes! He was just possessed by the true Dark One in this story! That way I can include him in other stories.
Head: I’ll also leave behind enough power to let all the worlds end!
The head sinks down to death.
Dimentio: What happened?
Luigi: The Dark One possessed you, and then you were spit out.
Count Bleck, O’Chunks (carrying Nastasia’s body), Mimi, and P.T. appear.
Bleck: Quick! We’re almost out of time! Dimentio?! How dare you?!
Tippi: He was possessed. That was cheesy.
Bleck: Oh.
Bleck draws a door and they all enter. They’re in the chapel from before!
Mario: Now what?
Bleck: Timpani and I must wed to stop the Void. Luckily, the Pure Hearts will help us!
P.T.: Can I be the Best Man?
O’Chunks: If anything, Eh ought teh be Best Man!
Dimentio: What about me?
Mimi: What do I get to be?
Bleck: No! Anyone who takes part will likely die, so you can’t.
Bleck and Tippi fly up to the altar.
Luigi: Wow. Two weddings in one week.
Bowser: Peach, will you take me back?
Peach: No.
Bowser: D’oh!
Up on the altar, Tippi “stands” where Peach did, and Bleck floats over the middle.
Bleck: Blumiere, do you take Timpani to be your wife?
Bleck quickly flies over to where Bowser was.
Bleck: Yes, yes I do.
He flies back over to the middle.
Bleck: Timpani, do you take Bleck to-
Tippi: Stop messing around! And yes.
The Pure Hearts appear around the Chaos Heart (which I forgot to mention is still there) and glow brightly. After a flash, Bleck and Tippi, as well as all the Hearts, are gone. The shaking stops.
Bowser: Now what?
Bells ring.
P.T.: Is it time for church?
Luigi: No…
The Bitlands are saved just in time. The Land of the Cragnons gets remade, as does Sammer’s Kingdom. And all the other worlds are safe too, of course. Suddenly, everyone left in the chapel is on top of Flipside Tower.
Merlon: Crud! Now I owe Nolrem money!
Nastasia wakes up.
Nastasia: Um… I’m alive?
O’Chunks: Great leapin’ bog monkeys! She lives!
Everyone Else: What?
O’Chunks: None of ye know what a bog monkey is? Yer losses.
Bowser: Look, peoples! The Void is shrinking!
Luigi: Good for you.
The Void disappears.
Mario: I guess that means it worked.
Peach: But why are we suddenly here?
Merlon: Because.
Luigi: Where do you think Tippi and Bleck are?
Merlon: They’ve probably died.
Nastasia: No. I think they’ve, um, survived and are in their own… WAAAAAAAAAAH!!! WHY’D HE HAVE TO GO?!
P.T.: Woah. I didn’t know she had it in her.
Dimentio: Me neither. Like a Bob-omb just exploded.
O’Chunks: Eh, it’ll be okay, Nastasia lass. Ye still have me!
Mimi: C’mon, smile Nassy!
P.T.: AAAAAUGH! NOW I CAN NEVER UNHEAR THAT NAME!
Nastasia calms down.
Nastasia: I guess you’re right. We can still, uh, make his world, K?
Mario: Well that’s all well and good. But now what do we all do?
Merlon: Well… I have money. We can all go to this new branch of McYold’s on the third floor!
P.T.: Can’t we just go to McDonalds already?!
Merlon: … Fine.
P.T.: Happies!
And so everyone heads off to McDonalds. And after that, Mario, Peach, Bowser, Luigi, and P.T. all head back to Plit. Here’s what happened to everyone:
Mario: Mario returned to his life, and started to work out some more to try to beat Sonic in the upcoming Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games.
Peach: Peach got kidnapped. Again.
Bowser: Bowser got his army back somehow and finally found Kammy. And he finally made that attack on Peach’s castle that he was planning.
Luigi: Luigi went to therapy because he was taken to a wedding against his will, put in an evil castle, turned evil, fell into the River Twygz, and became part of a giant monster. And he finally learned he was Mr. L.
Tippi: Tippi became a human named Timpani again and lived with Bleck in their own world.
Count Bleck: Bleck lived with Tippi in their own world.
Nastasia: Nastasia started a paper company in Flopside, which soon had many branches.
O’Chunks: O’Chunks became Nastasia’s right-hand man.
Mimi: Mimi got a job as Merlee’s actual maid.
Dimentio: Dimentio started his own traveling magic show/circus.
P.T.: P.T. continued his regular life. Though he never officially quit being a minion of Bleck…
Merlon: Merlon went broke after everyone ate at McDonalds, which really didn’t help him pay his debt to Nolrem.
Nolrem: Nolrem hired Merlon as his personal monkey boy to work off the debt.
Pixls: The Pixls are all dead, except Dottie. She was freed from Flora control… and got trampled by a Muth stampede.
Howzit: Howzit lost his job and started working at McYold’s.
Saffron: Saffron died.
Psycho: The psycho went to therapy… and pushed his therapist out the window…
Bestovius: Bestovius finally bought some deodorant.
Watchitt: Watchitt died of old age. But they say he came back as a ghost, so when you visit his house, watch it!
Merlumina: Merlumina still can't get anyone to listen to her.
Merlee: Merlee became the queen of the swamp (and mansion) with her new spider-robot-walking chair thing.
Hulk: The Hulk went back to his world.
The Mega Shell: The Mega Shell kept sliding around throughout all realms. It’s now a new running gag in my submissions.
The Blooper: The Blooper died.
John Claude and Phillip: John Claude and Phillip started their own Castle Guard service. So far they’ve had 29 gigs!
Francis: Francis invented Tiptron, which was bought, then made Tiptron 2 to keep for himself.
Squirps: Squirps returned to Squirpia and eventually became king. Squirple.
Flint Cragley: Flint Cragley is dead, via Mega Shell.
Monzo and Hornfels: Monzo and Hornfels started working on a random interview show.
The Cragnons: The Cragnons lived the same as before. Except Jasperoid died. Hahahahahahaha! Ya foo!
The Floro-Sapiens: The Floro-Sapiens decided to leave the Cragnons alone, since their king died.
King Sammer: King Sammer turned his Duel of 100 into a water park.
Sammer Guys: The Sammer Guys became employees and lifeguards and whatnot at the new water park.
Luvbi: Luvbi returned to life since the Pure Hearts served their purpose, and returned to the Overthere.
Grambi: Grambi built a new security system for the Overthere, so no more monsters can get in.
Jaydes: Jaydes quit her job for a while to enjoy Luvbi’s return, and left a random D-Man in charge… and that D-Man made oh so many mistakes…
Dorguy Family: The Dorguys kept guarding the Underwhere Road, and Dorguy the First made a full recovery.
Hagra: Hagra, as the last hag, went to a retirement home.
Underchomp: The Underchomp quit the guard business and became a professional comedian.
Cyrrus: Cyrrus left the Overthere Stair, and became a professional trampoline.
Captain Gills: Captain Gills was eventually found by a fisherman, who took Captain Gills in as his own.
The Other Bosses: Frattail died, Brobot is now scrap metal, King Croacus is dead, Bonechill is dead, Wracktail and Shadoo are dead, and the Dark One is dead.
Fracktail: Fracktail finally returned from the dentist.
Slappy: Became the symbol of Nastasia’s paper company.
Everyone Else: More or less the same as before.
~ In Loving Memory of Fist Jr. ~
The End
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