Toad with a Vengeance

By Toadinator

Chapter 3: The Master’s Apprentice

The Master: Great, and I am happy to teach you. Let’s begin, my new apprentice.

Toad: You already said that.

The Master pulls out a hammer and hits Toad on the head.

The Master: Talking time is over.

Toad: Why did you do that?

The Master hits Toad with his hammer again.

Toad: Aren’t you, as my master, supposed to be helping me?

Once again, The Master does his hammer.

The Master: One more word and I’ll bring out the hammer with spikes.

Toad stands perfectly straight and doesn’t say anything.

The Master: Very good. Now, on to basics.

Sub-Section 1: The Basics

The Master: Ok, to the very basics of basics. I am The Master, and you shall address me as such, but since you are my apprentice you can also call me Master, Double G Dawg, the King of the Cheese Monkeys, and the Real Slim Shady. The other basic of the basics is that you are Toad and you shall address yourself as such.

Toad: (This will be one looong month.)

The Master: What was that?!

Toad: Nothing.

The Master: Ok. Now let’s get down to fighting basics. When you hit something with your fist, it is called a punch. And when you hit something with your foot it is called a kick. Any questions?

Toad: I have a question, Master.

The Master: Yes, Toad?

Toad: My question is, do you think I’m an idiot sidekick who doesn’t know anything?

The Master: Aren’t you?

Toad: Good point. (I wonder if those guys are doing ok.)

Sub-Section 2: Koopa Castle

Meanwhile at Koopa Castle, Mario is running in a gerbil wheel.

Mario: 99 bottles of cheese on the wall, 99 bottles of cheese. You take one down, pass it around, 46 bottles of cheese on the wall. Wait, I-a messed up, I-a need to start again.

Bowser: Please, can any of you shut him up? And where did that gerbil wheel come from?

Luigi: We would silence him if we could, but we can’t.

Princess Peach: And don’t you know that I always carry a gerbil wheel around with me in my crown?

Bowser: How does the that gerbil thing fit? Never mind, I need a nap.

Sub-Section 3: Living with the Master

Back at the dojo...

Toad: Oh, that’s how they're doing.

The Master: Toad, since you’re going to be living here, you’re going to follow my rules. Ok?

Toad: Ok.

The Master: Great! Now go to bed!

Toad: What? It’s only 6:00 PM.

The Master: Woah, it’s that late? We’re supposed to be in bed by 3:00. That’s rule number one.

Toad: Fine. Any other rules I should know about?

The Master: Yes. Here’s a list. Read it aloud.

Toad: Super Mushroom, Fire Flower, Hamburger, New Hammer. Wait, this is a shopping list.

The Master: Is it, Toad? Is it?

The Master looks at the list.

The Master: Is it! I win! Oh, you might want to take this.

The Master gives Toad the list of rules.

Some mysterious voice from nowhere: Doo do do do doo! You’ve received the list of rules. This list tells the utterly insane rules that The Master and his apprentice live by.

Toad: That was weird.

The Master: I’m used to it by now. I’ve had a lot of apprentices.

Toad: Shh, I’m reading..

Toad reads the list.

List of Rules:
Rule 1: Go to bed at 3:00 PM.
Rule 2: There are no rules
Rule 3: Hi Mom!

Toad finishes reading the list.

The Master: Those are some pretty strict rules, right?

Toad: (sarcastically) Oh yeah.

The Master: I’ll make it easier on you, by making you only live by rule number two.

Toad: Ok.

The Master: Now get some rest. Your first tournament is tomorrow.

Toad: Ok. What?!

The Master: You heard me.

Toad: But I’m not ready.

The Master: Do you know how to punch?

Toad: Yes.

The Master: Do you know how to kick?

Toad: I do.

The Master: I do too.

Petey Piranha flies in.

Count Bleck: Weeeeeeee!!! You guys got to try this flying thing! It’s awesome!

Toad: Hey, I know you. You’re Paul McCartney, right?

Petey Piranha: Petey Piranha actually.

Toad: So why did you come?

Petey Piranha: I had to make sure you two didn’t create the Chaos Heart. Since you're now married, and everything.

Toad: Wait, you think The Master and I are married?

Petey Piranha: Well you did say I do.

Toad: No, no, no, when we said I do we were both answering The Master’s question of do you know how to kick. You see, I’ve got to rescue my friends by training at The Master’s dojo, so I can learn how to fight. Wait, how do you know about the Chaos Heart in the first place?

Petey Piranha: That doesn’t matter. Anyway, you mean you’re a fighter and you didn’t tell me? Did you know that I am whatever a blackbelt would be here on Plit?

Toad: I did not know that.

The Master: Wow, I wish I was that good.

Toad: What?

The Master: Toad, I have taught you all I know. You should ask Petey to be your new master.

Toad gets down on one knee.

Toad: Petey Piranha, will you do me the honors of becoming my new master?

Petey Piranha: I do! I do! I double do! But know this, Toad, it only gets more bizarre from here on out.

Toad: I am aware of this.

Petey Piranha: Shall we fly back to wherever I live now?

Toad: Yes. By the way, you don’t hit your apprentices with hammers for talking, do you?

The Master hits Toad with a hammer again.

Petey Piranha: No I don’t.

Toad: Ok! Let’s go!

Petey Piranha and Toad fly away.

The Master: *sniffle* They grow up so fast!

Sub-Section 4: Bowser’s Castle, once again

Mario is singing 99 bottles of cheese on the wall for the 4,600'th time.

Luigi: We’ve got to get out of here.

Princess Peach: Yeah, we do. Where’s Toad?

Bowser: I don’t know, but I hope he shows up soon. Mario?

Mario: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!

Luigi, Princess Peach, and Bowser: SHUT UP!

Mario: (whiney little girl voice) NO!!!

Mario goes back to singing.

Bowser: Anyway, he’s getting so annoying.

Luigi: Why don’t you just kill him?

Princes Peach: Well, that would be un-lady like.

Bowser: Yeah… What?

Luigi: I hope Toad comes soon. Wait, why don’t I just call him on his cell phone?

Bowser: You have a cell phone?

Luigi: Yeah. Well actually Mario and I share it; it’s a KoopAT&T.

Bowser: How’d you get one of those?

Luigi: Shigeru likes us better!

Bowser: Really?

Luigi: Yes, but that’s not how we got it.

Mario: We found it in a trash can. : )

Princess Peach: Really?

Luigi: Yes. Now shut up. I know we have him on speed dial. I’ll put it on speaker. Now which one is it? I think it’s this one…

Luigi presses speed dial 1. The phone rings.

Some Guy: Oh, hey Mario. We’ll have your 500 pounds of cheese delivered to your house in an hour.

Luigi hangs up, and presses speed dial 2.

Tatanga: H to the E to the double L to the O, this is Tatanga, what’s up Bro?

Mario: Hi Tatanga.

Tatanga: Oh, it’s you.

Tatanga hangs up.

Luigi: Mario, why do you have Tatanga on speed dial?

Mario: Well that’s obvious. Tatanga, Booster, Chef Shimi, a Monty Mole named Bubba, and I are in a bowling league called the Gutter Balls. We have practices every Tuesday.

Luigi: Ok.

Sub-Section 4: High in the sky

Meanwhile, Toad and Petey Piranha are high in the sky.

Toad: Are we there yet?

Petey Piranha: No.

Toad: Are we there now?

Petey Piranha: No we are not, Toad.

Toad: Are we there yet now?

Petey Piranha: Do you want me to drop you?

Toad: Are we there-

Petey Piranha drops Toad and he falls downward.

Toad: Are we there yet?

Will Toad die? Will Luigi ever find the right speed dial button? Find out the answers… right now.

Will Toad Die?: No
Will Luigi ever find the right speed dial button?: Yes.

Read on!

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