Chapter 3: The Master’s Apprentice
The Master: Great, and I am happy to teach you. Let’s begin, my new apprentice.
Toad: You already said that.
The Master pulls out a hammer and hits Toad on the head.
The Master: Talking time is over.
Toad: Why did you do that?
The Master hits Toad with his hammer again.
Toad: Aren’t you, as my master, supposed to be helping me?
Once again, The Master does his hammer.
The Master: One more word and I’ll bring out the hammer with spikes.
Toad stands perfectly straight and doesn’t say anything.
The Master: Very good. Now, on to basics.
Sub-Section 1: The Basics
The Master: Ok, to the very basics of basics. I am The Master, and you shall address me as such, but since you are my apprentice you can also call me Master, Double G Dawg, the King of the Cheese Monkeys, and the Real Slim Shady. The other basic of the basics is that you are Toad and you shall address yourself as such.
Toad: (This will be one looong month.)
The Master: What was that?!
Toad: Nothing.
The Master: Ok. Now let’s get down to fighting basics. When you hit something with your fist, it is called a punch. And when you hit something with your foot it is called a kick. Any questions?
Toad: I have a question, Master.
The Master: Yes, Toad?
Toad: My question is, do you think I’m an idiot sidekick who doesn’t know anything?
The Master: Aren’t you?
Toad: Good point. (I wonder if those guys are doing ok.)
Sub-Section 2: Koopa Castle
Meanwhile at Koopa Castle, Mario is running in a gerbil wheel.
Mario: 99 bottles of cheese on the wall, 99 bottles of cheese. You take one down, pass it around, 46 bottles of cheese on the wall. Wait, I-a messed up, I-a need to start again.
Bowser: Please, can any of you shut him up? And where did that gerbil wheel come from?
Luigi: We would silence him if we could, but we can’t.
Princess Peach: And don’t you know that I always carry a gerbil wheel around with me in my crown?
Bowser: How does the that gerbil thing fit? Never mind, I need a nap.
Sub-Section 3: Living with the Master
Back at the dojo...
Toad: Oh, that’s how they're doing.
The Master: Toad, since you’re going to be living here, you’re going to follow my rules. Ok?
Toad: Ok.
The Master: Great! Now go to bed!
Toad: What? It’s only 6:00 PM.
The Master: Woah, it’s that late? We’re supposed to be in bed by 3:00. That’s rule number one.
Toad: Fine. Any other rules I should know about?
The Master: Yes. Here’s a list. Read it aloud.
Toad: Super Mushroom, Fire Flower, Hamburger, New Hammer. Wait, this is a shopping list.
The Master: Is it, Toad? Is it?
The Master looks at the list.
The Master: Is it! I win! Oh, you might want to take this.
The Master gives Toad the list of rules.
Some mysterious voice from nowhere: Doo do do do doo! You’ve received the list of rules. This list tells the utterly insane rules that The Master and his apprentice live by.
Toad: That was weird.
The Master: I’m used to it by now. I’ve had a lot of apprentices.
Toad: Shh, I’m reading..
Toad reads the list.
List of Rules:
Rule 1: Go
to bed at 3:00 PM.
Rule 2: There
are no rules
Rule 3: Hi
Mom!
Toad finishes reading the list.
The Master: Those are some pretty strict rules, right?
Toad: (sarcastically) Oh yeah.
The Master: I’ll make it easier on you, by making you only live by rule number two.
Toad: Ok.
The Master: Now get some rest. Your first tournament is tomorrow.
Toad: Ok. What?!
The Master: You heard me.
Toad: But I’m not ready.
The Master: Do you know how to punch?
Toad: Yes.
The Master: Do you know how to kick?
Toad: I do.
The Master: I do too.
Petey Piranha flies in.
Count Bleck: Weeeeeeee!!! You guys got to try this flying thing! It’s awesome!
Toad: Hey, I know you. You’re Paul McCartney, right?
Petey Piranha: Petey Piranha actually.
Toad: So why did you come?
Petey Piranha: I had to make sure you two didn’t create the Chaos Heart. Since you're now married, and everything.
Toad: Wait, you think The Master and I are married?
Petey Piranha: Well you did say I do.
Toad: No, no, no, when we said I do we were both answering The Master’s question of do you know how to kick. You see, I’ve got to rescue my friends by training at The Master’s dojo, so I can learn how to fight. Wait, how do you know about the Chaos Heart in the first place?
Petey Piranha: That doesn’t matter. Anyway, you mean you’re a fighter and you didn’t tell me? Did you know that I am whatever a blackbelt would be here on Plit?
Toad: I did not know that.
The Master: Wow, I wish I was that good.
Toad: What?
The Master: Toad, I have taught you all I know. You should ask Petey to be your new master.
Toad gets down on one knee.
Toad: Petey Piranha, will you do me the honors of becoming my new master?
Petey Piranha: I do! I do! I double do! But know this, Toad, it only gets more bizarre from here on out.
Toad: I am aware of this.
Petey Piranha: Shall we fly back to wherever I live now?
Toad: Yes. By the way, you don’t hit your apprentices with hammers for talking, do you?
The Master hits Toad with a hammer again.
Petey Piranha: No I don’t.
Toad: Ok! Let’s go!
Petey Piranha and Toad fly away.
The Master: *sniffle* They grow up so fast!
Sub-Section 4: Bowser’s Castle, once again
Mario is singing 99 bottles of cheese on the wall for the 4,600'th time.
Luigi: We’ve got to get out of here.
Princess Peach: Yeah, we do. Where’s Toad?
Bowser: I don’t know, but I hope he shows up soon. Mario?
Mario: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS?!
Luigi, Princess Peach, and Bowser: SHUT UP!
Mario: (whiney little girl voice) NO!!!
Mario goes back to singing.
Bowser: Anyway, he’s getting so annoying.
Luigi: Why don’t you just kill him?
Princes Peach: Well, that would be un-lady like.
Bowser: Yeah… What?
Luigi: I hope Toad comes soon. Wait, why don’t I just call him on his cell phone?
Bowser: You have a cell phone?
Luigi: Yeah. Well actually Mario and I share it; it’s a KoopAT&T.
Bowser: How’d you get one of those?
Luigi: Shigeru likes us better!
Bowser: Really?
Luigi: Yes, but that’s not how we got it.
Mario: We found it in a trash can. : )
Princess Peach: Really?
Luigi: Yes. Now shut up. I know we have him on speed dial. I’ll put it on speaker. Now which one is it? I think it’s this one…
Luigi presses speed dial 1. The phone rings.
Some Guy: Oh, hey Mario. We’ll have your 500 pounds of cheese delivered to your house in an hour.
Luigi hangs up, and presses speed dial 2.
Tatanga: H to the E to the double L to the O, this is Tatanga, what’s up Bro?
Mario: Hi Tatanga.
Tatanga: Oh, it’s you.
Tatanga hangs up.
Luigi: Mario, why do you have Tatanga on speed dial?
Mario: Well that’s obvious. Tatanga, Booster, Chef Shimi, a Monty Mole named Bubba, and I are in a bowling league called the Gutter Balls. We have practices every Tuesday.
Luigi: Ok.
Sub-Section 4: High in the sky
Meanwhile, Toad and Petey Piranha are high in the sky.
Toad: Are we there yet?
Petey Piranha: No.
Toad: Are we there now?
Petey Piranha: No we are not, Toad.
Toad: Are we there yet now?
Petey Piranha: Do you want me to drop you?
Toad: Are we there-
Petey Piranha drops Toad and he falls downward.
Toad: Are we there yet?
Will Toad die? Will Luigi ever find the right speed dial button? Find out the answers… right now.
Will Toad Die?:
No
Will Luigi ever
find the right speed dial button?: Yes.