Chapter 5: The Competition
Narrator: We last left our hero wondering when the first competition would start?
Toad: When does the first competition start, Lance?
Lance: In five minutes.
Toad: How many rounds are there?
Lance: There are five rounds. I’ve been informed that the Bowser affiliate is the last one fought.
Toad: You sure?
Lance: Yes, now get out there.
Toad: Where do I go?
Lance: I’ll show you.
Lance leads Toad to the entrance to the competition “battlefield”.
Toad: Thanks.
Lance: No problem.
Toadinator: Hi, I’m Toadinator.
Lemmy Koopa: And I’m Lemmy Koopa.
Toadinator and Lemmy: And we’re the co-hosts for this competition.
Mario: Oh my God-a, it’s Lenny Koopa!
Mario jumps at the screen and tries to attack Lemmy.
Luigi, Bowser, and Princess Peach: It’s Lemmy!
Toadinator: Let’s bring the first contestants out here.
Lemmy: On the red side, the fighter straight from the Underwhere…
Toadinator giggles like a little girl.
Lemmy: What?
Toadinator: You said underwear.
Toadinator giggles like a little girl.
Lemmy: Shut up, now bring out Goomballistic!
The crowd roars with applause.
Goomballistic: What’s up, everybody?
The crowd cheers.
Toadinator: And on the blue side, The Mushroom of Steel.
One Crowd Member: Yeah.
Toad: Thank you.
Goomballistic: Better call an ambulance for this shrimp already.
Toad: You’re the one who’s going to need an ambulance. So what are your rules?
Goomballistic: We have a judged dance contest, and the judges are some ironically placed characters.
Toad: What?
Goomballistic: Music!
I Believe in Miracles starts playing. Toad and Goomballistic start dancing. Toad starts doing the Thriller dance.
Toad: A friend of mine showed me how to do this.
Mario: Wow, now that’s-a cool dance move-a.
Luigi: You should think it’s cool, you taught him it.
Mario: I did-a? I thought Michael Jackson did-a.
Michael Jackson moonwalks into the scene.
Michael Jackson: Nope, you did. *he does that noise*
Mario screams like a little girl.
Mario: Oh my God-a, it’s Diana Ross-a.
Michael Jackson’s nose falls off.
Mario: (depressedly) Oh, it’s just Michel Jackson.
Michael Jackson: It’s Michael!
Mario: Whatever.
Princess Peach walks onto the scene.
Luigi: Where were you?
Princess Peach: I was… Oh my God, it’s Diana Ross!
Michael Jackson: No, it’s Michael Jackson.
Mario: Nobody wants you here-a, now go-a.
Michael Jackson: Fine.
Narrator: Back to the competition.
Lemmy: Judges, tell us, who was your favorite?
The judges are Hookbill, Waluigi, and Simon.
Hookbill: The Mushroom of Steel, dawg.
Waluigi: They both are so great, but I think The Mushroom of Steel.
Simon: Hmm, what? Oh I don’t, Taylor Hicks.
Lemmy: He wasn’t in the competition.
Simon: Fine, Jordan Sparks.
Toadinator: She wasn’t in it.
Simon: Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, or Carrie Underwood, were any of those guys in it?
Toadinator and Lemmy: No.
Simon: Fine, we seem to love this Turnip of Metal guy, so he wins.
Toadinator and Lemmy: The winner is The Mushroom of Steel!
Goomballistic: Way to go.
The crowd applauds.
Toad: Thanks.
Toadinator: The next round is in ten minutes.
Toad: Ok.
Toad leaves the “battlefield” and meets with Lance.
Lance: Way to go.
Toad: Thanks.
Lance: Just don’t get cocky.
Toad: Ok.
Toad and Lance converse about random things for 10 minutes.
Toadinator: On the red side the lemon-colored demon, it’s Lemon Demon!
Crowd: The musician?!
Toadinator: No!
Lemon Demon Musician: That name is copyrighted!
Crowd: Oh well. Yeah for Lemon Demon!
Lemmy: And on the blue side, the inedible shroom, it’s The Mushroom of Steel!
Some of the Crowd: Yeah!
Lemon Demon: I know everything is going to be fine, for me.
Toad: What’s your form of battle? Knife fights, battle with lawnmowers, ultimate showdowns of ultimate destiny, angry kittens, telekinesis, Stick Stickly?
Lemon Demon: We we’re going to have a tickle fight, but you annoy me too much, so I forfeit!
Lemmy: The Mushroom of Steel wins!
Toadinator: But since nothing really happened, send out the next challenger!
Lemmy: On the red side, The Russian Maniac… Let’s welcome Tetris Blocks!
Crowd: Yeah.
Lemmy: On the blue side, once again The Mushroom of Steel!
Crowd: Oh yeah!
Toad walks to the center as Tetris Blocks float to the center
Lemmy and Toadinator: Fight!
Tetris music starts playing and the Tetris Blocks get closer and closer to Toad
Toad: Hmmmmmmm…
Toad throws a bomb at the Tetris Blocks.
Toadinator: Wait, what was that?
Toad: Wario’s Woods, Baby!
Lemmy: Very sneaky, throwing a reference to the past about a game that basically no one remembers. The Mushroom of Steel wins!
Toad leaves the arena.
Toad: Wooh! I feel pumped!
Lance: Yeah, well watch yourself for the last two, they’re bound to be hard.
Toad: Ok, fine.
Toad walks back to the arena.
Toadinator: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen, to.-
Lemmy: The 753rd annual competition!
Toadinator: On the blue side, we have the Cowboy of Darkness!
The crowd gasps.
Toad: (Cowboy of Darkness?)
Lemmy: And on the red side, we have The Mushroom of Steel!
Crowd: w00t!
Toad and the Cowboy of Darkness-
Toad: Now who is this Cowboy of Darkness?
The Cowboy of Darkness: Me!
The Cowboy of Darkness rips his mask off, and is revealed to be none other than CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Crowd: Bruce Lee?!
Chuck Norris: No.
Crowd: Jackie Chan?!
Chuck Norris: No!
Crowd: Arnold Schwarzenegger?!
Chuck Norris: NOOO!
Crowd: Oprah Winfre-
Chuck Norris: NOOOO! IT’S CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Chuck Norris runs away crying.
Toad: That was… weird.
Toadinator and Lemmy: The Mushroom of Steel wins!
Crowd: We knew you could beat Mike Myers!
You hear Chuck Norris crying.
Toad: It’s Chuck Norris, but thanks anyway!
Toadinator: Now Mushroom of Steel, are you ready for the Final Round?!
Toad: Yeah sure, why not?
Lemmy: Ok, your final opponent is somebody you’ve know for a while. You befriended each other, but you never knew he was evil.
Toad: Walt Disney?
???: No, me!
A dark figure is seen on the entrance to the red side.
Toad: Hitler?
???: NO!
Crowd: CHUCK NORRIS?!
???: NOOO!
Chuck Norris is heard crying.
Toad: “Weird Al” Yankovic?
???: No, me!
He walks out
Toad: Oh, hi Lance, I’m busy fighting my last opponent, who won’t show himself.
Lance: It’s me.
Toad: I know, I see you right there, but who’s my opponent?
Lance: Me.
Lace throws an egg at Toad.
Toad: Wait, what?
Toadinator: On the blue side, the Mushroom of Steel!
Lemmy: On the red side, Lance!
Toad: Well if it’s a war you want, it’s a war you’ll get!
Toadinator and Lemmy: Fight!
Toadinator: Toad used Dance Attack!
Kung Fu Fighting starts playing, and Toad dances all over the place.
Lemmy: Lance took very little damage.
Toadinator: Lance used pound.
Lemmy: Toad took damage.
Author: Hmm, this is looking good, I think I’ll use it in a semi-animated movie called Hamster VS Jellyfish, which can be seen on YouTube by looking up godzillagumby, no caps, no spaces.
Toadinator: That is the worst advertisement I’ve ever seen.
Author: Sorry.
Toadinator: Yeah, I bet you are. Anyway, Toad used Yell.
Toad: OK!
Lemmy: It had no effect.
Toadinator: Lance used Lick!
Lance licks Toad.
Toad: EWWWWWWWWWW!
Lemmy: It was super effective.
Toad: Hmmm, only one attack will work. LASER BEAM!!!
Laser beams fly out of circles on Toad’s hat.
Lemmy: Lance only has one bit of health
left…
Chapter 6: Doom
Toad: Where’s Bowser?!
Lance: Well…
The Ancient Minister appears with a R.O.B. Squad.
Ancient Minister: WOE UNTO THEE!!!
The R.O.B. Squad sets the Sub Space Bomb.
Lance: What the…
Crowd Member: Halibut, it’s a fish in the ocean! Oh yeah!
Toad: RIIIIIIIIGHT.
Toadinator: Anyway, what just happened?
A Primid appears.
Primid: Well you see, the R.O.B. Squad just set a Sub Space Bomb, which can destroy this whole planet, which it will.
Toadinator: Oh, ok, thanks. Sick him, Gordon!
Primid: Gordon?
A Yoshi baby walks into the stadium.
Primid: Ahh, that’s so pathetic. What’s he gonna do, cute me to do death?
Toadinator: Yeah, something like that. *giggles to self*
Gordon’s razor sharp teeth stick out, his eyes turn red, and he starts to drool majorly.
Primid: What?
Gordon jumps on the Primid and starts eating him. A Shy Guy runs over to the camera with a sign.
Sign: *has a picture of Toadinator and Lemmy shaking hands* We are having technical difficulties.
Toadinator: He’s an evil Yoshi baby!
Author: I smell a spinoff!
Lemmy: Wow, that’s terrible!
Author: Sorry, I need ideas.
Lemmy: Not you, the death!
Author: It’s never me.
The Shy Guy takes the sign away
Lemmy: Anyway, that’s terrible.
Toadinator: I know, don’t you love it?
Lemmy glares at Toadinator.
Toadinator: Well anyways, if what the Primid said is true, we only have 15 minutes left to live.
Audience: Uh, yeah?
Lemmy: Well the Primid’s leader is over there, let’s see if we can have a word. Sir!
Ancient Minister: WOE UNTO THEE!
Lemmy: Uh yeah, so can you tell us why you’re doing this? *smiles*
Ancient Minster: WOE UNTO THEE!
Lemmy: Can you say anything else?
Ancient Minister: WOE UNTO THEE!
Lemmy: Enough!
He pulls out his wand and fires it at the Ancient Minister.
Ancient Minister: WOE UNTO-
He pulls out a flamethrower, and fires it at Lemmy, whose hair gets set on fire.
Ancient Minister: -THEE!
Lemmy: (on fire, running around) WHY?!
Ancient Minister: WOE UNTO-
Lemmy: I know.
Ancient Minister: -THEE?
Lemmy stops, drops, and rolls, and eventually
the fire stops.
Chapter 7: My Way to the End of the World
Toadinator: Only five minutes left to live.
Frank Sinatra appears.
Toadinator: OMG, Frank Sinatra!
He pulls out a bag and starts breathing into it.
Frank Sinatra: Hey.
Toadinator: Can you sing us *breathes* a song, it being the *breathes* end of the world and all?
Frank Sinatra: Sure. *starts singing* Fly me to the moon-
Toadinator: No no no! I mean My Way.
Frank Sinatra: Ok. *starts singing* My way-
Toad: Is that the cry of Frank Sinatra?
Lemmy: Yes…
Lance: Shweet.
Toad: Let’s all hold hands and join in.
Everybody holds hands and starts singing My Way.
Toadinator: Well this is the end of
the world, I want to thank you for tuning in and making this year’s competition
the best ever. This is
Toadinator, signing out for the last
time. I love you all.
Lemmy: Get over here, you big lug!
Toadinator and Lemmy hug.
Frank: The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way!
Ancient Minister: (in a voice like Christopher Walken) Oh yes, he did it his way.
Toadinator: I can see why you don’t like to talk.
Everybody laughs and does the shame finger thing.
Everybody: Toadinator!
Toadinator and Lemmy: Goodbye…
The clock has 00:05 seconds left.
Toad: Wait a second!
Toadinator: Well, we only have five left.
Toad: Shut up!
Toad pulls out a stop watch and presses it, stopping time.
Toad: I’m not giving up that easily!
He poses in weird kung fu positions. Then Toad runs over to the Ancient Minister, and is about to attack.
Toad: Wait, I need some inspirational music!
He pulls out his iPod, and plays I Will Survive.
Toad: Now let’s go!
Toad runs over to the Ancient Minister, and starts attacking him.
Toad: KAPOW!
Toad then rips off the Ancient Minister’s robe, and the Ancient Minister is revealed to be none other than Christopher Walken.
Toad: Hmm, should have seen that coming.
Toad starts kicking and punching Christopher Walken.
Toad: That’s for being in Hair Spray!
Toad then runs over to the bomb.
Toad: Now there’s got to be to an off switch.
Toad looks at the bomb, which has 527 buttons on it.
Toad: D’oh!
Toad looks at the buttons, and sees that the top button says off. Toad presses it, and it turns off.
Toad: That was disturbingly easy. Anyway, time to restore time.
Toad presses the stop watch again, restoring time.
Toadinator and Lemmy: Goodbye everybody!
Toad: Ha!
Lemmy: What?
Toad: I saved us all!
Toadinator: Yeah right.
Toad: No, seriously, look at the bomb.
Everybody looks at the bomb.
Everybody: It’s stopped! It’s a miracle!
Toad: Something like that. *smiles*
Author: Actually it’s a revision. In the original, you all die…
Everybody: Boo! You stink!
Lemmy: Toad, you saved us all. You’re a national hero, thank you.
Toadinator: But what about the Ancient Minister?
Toad: Well you see, he’s not the Ancient Minister, he’s Christopher Walken!
Toadinator: I should have known!
Christopher Walken walks over to the bomb and takes it.
Christopher Walken: And I would have got away with it to, if it wasn’t for that meddling fungi! But I swear, this isn’t the last you’ll see of me!
Crowd Member: Oh no! You’re going to be in another movie! *shriek*
Christopher Walken: I’ll just go and never come back.
Toadinator: And don’t you ever come back!
Lemmy: Is there any way we can repay you?
Toad: Well there is one thing. Lance, where’s Bowser’s hiding?
Lance: In Philadelphia.
Toadinator looks confused.
Lance: Our Philadelphia.
Toad: Ok, thanks.
Toad starts walking away.
Lance: Wait, let me go with you. You did save my life and all.
Toad: Ok!
Lemmy: Wait! If you’re going to try to get to Bowser, you’ll need this magical zeppelin.
Toad: Why are you helping up defeat your dad?
Lemmy: I don’t know, Kevin, I don’t know.
Toad: My name is Toad.
Lemmy: Not today, Kevin, not today.
Toad: Can you just give us the zeppelin?
Lemmy: Ok.
A zeppelin flies down into the arena.
Lance: Shall we go?
Toad: Oh yes we shall.
Toad and Lance start to enter the zeppelin.
Goomballistic: Wait!
Toad: What?
Goomballistic: We want to go with you.
Toad: Who’s we?
Goomballistic: Let me see, we’ve got me, Hookbill, Waluigi, Simon, Lemon Demon, Tetris Blocks, Chuck Norris, Gordon, Toadinator, and Lemmy.
Toad: Why do you guys want to go?
Goomballistic: Well, all of us want to help you, but I’m not sure about Toadinator and Lemmy.
Toad: Why do you guys want to go?
Toadinator and Lemmy: Kicks!
Toad: Lemmy, does your dad know you’re a traitor?
Lemmy: Not yet, Kevin.
Toad: My name is Toad! And sure, you can all go, we’ll need all the help we can get.
Everybody boards the zeppelin.
Narrator: And so as our gang get closer and closer to Bowser, it gets more risky. What will happen next? Stay tuned!
To Be Continued...
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
