Gonzales Junior Meets Jack Hammer

By Blaze Koopa

Deep in the heart of Glitzville stands one of the craziest and most exciting places ever. It’s a place full of energy and exhilaration. It’s a place where the tough, the tougher, and the toughest share their strength and abilities with each other. It’s the Glitz Pit, home to some of the toughest fighters around, such as the Koopinator, Hamma, Bamma, and Flare, Rawk Hawk, and the current reigning champion, the Great Gonzales Junior. Many years had passed since he fought the forces of evil with his father-figure Mario (the Great Gonzales), and ever since he went solo in the Glitz Pit, he had been able to take care of himself, despite being so young.

Today, Gonzales Jr. was, again, doing what he does best— kicking his opponents’ hinies. He was resting on his cot after a vicious fight with Craw-Daddy (Dark Craw), in which he was victorious. There was nothing he liked better than showing off his strength. He loved the beauty of the sport, he and his opponent(s) carrying out their tough sides onto each other while the crowd got an eye full of excitement. There was nothing he liked better… well, except berries. Anyway, needless to say, he enjoyed his life. However, little did he know that he would soon be in for the fight of a lifetime.

Later, he was about to enter the arena for a battle with Rawk Hawk. He casually walked onto the battle stage as the crowd cheered for him. Rawk Hawk was next to walk out, the crowd cheering for him too. The crowd didn’t seem to care too much about who would win, as both Rawk and Gonzales Jr. were huge favorites.

Krubba (another Clubba, red in color, who replaced Grubba after the events of Paper Mario 2) walked onto the battle stage with a mic in hand. “ALL RIGHT!!! LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!” he yelled through the mic. The crowd cheered loudly, eager to get the fight underway.

“All right!” said Krubba to the two fighters. “Before we get this fight started, do you guys have anything to say?”

“I have one thing,” said Rawk. “YOU’RE GOIN’ DOWN!!!” The crowd cheered again, but louder.

“YOU WISH!!!” Gonzales Jr. yelled back. The crowd cheered even louder as the fighters glared at each other with angry, threatening looks.

Krubba then yelled out the one word that would start the fight. “BATTLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!”

The fight was underway. The two jumped at each other, delivering painful blows, and not letting up for anything. The crowd was definitely enjoying this. Once they gave a single blow, they would keep on each other. However, though he took no notice, Gonzales Jr. was being watched. He knew the crowd was watching him, but there was someone else, someone he didn’t know about. This someone watched Gonzales Jr. from the floor next to the stage. He just kept his eyes on Junior and didn’t seem to mind Rawk. Man, he thought. That’s one tough Yoshi… I hope he’s tough enough to handle me though, ‘cause I’ve got a little surprise for him. He watched as Junior delivered blow after blow after blow on Rawk, who gave blows back. Eventually, Rawk was out cold, and the Great Gonzales Junior was victorious once again. The crowd cheered for him, and the guy who had been watching Junior nodded and thought to himself, This guy’s good!

Later, Gonzales Junior returned to his cot and lied down. He was just about to close his eyes when-

“Hey you!”

Junior shot up from his cot, startled by the yell. He turned around, and there was the source of the yell, a Hammer Brother. This definitely wasn’t one of the Big Bad Brute Bros. He had a bluish-purple helmet, and his shell was of the same color. Unlike some of the other Hammer Bros. Gonzales Junior had seen, this one held a huge, heavy metal hammer in his hand, making him look seemingly more intimidating than Hamma (who uses wooden hammers), or his partners Bamma and Flare. He also had a nose-patch on his beak. On top of all this, his left forearm and hand were entirely metal! Junior stared at this in disbelief. What could have happened to his arm? Did it just get cut off somehow? The Hammer Bro. stared back at Junior, his eyes half-open. His look made Junior feel a little uneasy.

“Um…” Junior finally said. “C-c-can I help you?”

“I’ve seen the way you fight,” said the Hammer Bro. “And I have to say, you pretty good!”

Junior felt a little flattered by the remark. “Um… Thanks…” he said.

“Anyway,” the Hammer Bro. continued, “I decided that I want to see exactly how good you really are. So I spoke with Krubba earlier. I told him to organize a battle for tomorrow… me versus you. Whaddya say?”

Junior wasn’t so sure. This guy looked tough, but he seemed to be a lot tougher than he looked. A lot! However, Junior couldn’t pass up an offer like this.

“Okay…” said Junior. “I’m good for it… When?”

“Tomorrow afternoon,” said the Hammer Bro. “Be there! ... Or be square!”

Junior suddenly became enraged by the comment. “WHO YA CALLIN’ SQUARE?!” he bellowed.

The Hammer Bro. stared. Then he began to taunt Gonzales Jr. “Temper Temper!”


“I gotta go. I got Troopas to wipe out.”

The Hammer Bro. turned and walked away to prepare for his next fight, leaving Junior sitting on his cot, a little confused. Who was that guy? he thought. He must be new to the Glitz Pit, because I’ve never seen him before. I wonder how good he is. Junior decided to go watch the fight. By the time he got to the battle area, the fight had already started. Junior couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The Shellshockers were the Hammer Brother’s opponents, but they were getting pummeled. The Hammer Brother was jumping all over them, punching them in the face (and almost every other part of the body at that) with his metal fist, and throwing hammers at them. In a matter of seconds, the Shellshockers were KO’d. Celebrating his victory, the Hammer Bro stood on a Shady Troopa’s shell and waved at the crowd. Junior just stood there, jaw dropped. While the Shellshockers looked like they had been attacked by Chain Chomps, the Hammer Bro had no scratches on him whatsoever. Wow! he thought. That guy is ridiculous! He totally creamed those guys! ... Well, he was tough enough to take out the Shellshockers, but can he take out someone like Rawk Hawk?

That evening, Junior found out the answer to that question. Rawk Hawk had challenged the Hammer Bro to a fight so he could “show ‘im who’s boss”. Unfortunately for Rawk, this didn’t work out for him. He fought hard, but was eventually knocked out. The Hammer Bro. had won again. Junior saw the whole thing, and simply couldn’t believe that even Rawk Hawk, a former champ, was no match for the Hammer Bro, a rookie! And I have to fight this guy tomorrow?! he thought.

Another thing that bothered him was that he never got the Hammer Brother’s name. He decided to find out. He went to the long list of fighters and team signatures, hoping we would find the Hammer Brother’s name. Since the Hammer Bro was the newest fighter, Junior thought his name would be the last one on the list. Sure enough, there, at the bottom of the list, was a name that had not been there before- Jack Hammer. Jack Hammer? thought Junior. He looked at his nickname. It read, Purple Pummeler.

As he stared at the signature, he heard a voice behind him. “Yo Gonzales!” Junior swung around to see Jack Hammer. Junior couldn’t help but compliment him.

“Jack Hammer, is it?” he said.

“Yep, but you can just call me Jack.”

“Oh… okay… Jack… As I was saying… you’re good! You just… just… totally wiped out Rawk Hawk… Tou creamed him! ... And that’s only the first time you’ve battled with him!”

“Ha!” laughed Jack. “That Rawk guy was such a slow, stupid idiot! He barely even tried to defend himself… and his attacks were just too obvious… The Shellshockers? Well, all I can say is… that was just pathetic… Well, I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“… Um…” Junior said hesitantly. “Yeah… See ya tomorrow…” Jack walked away. Junior watched him walk away. Then he thought to himself. This is not gonna be easy… Oh well… I hope I can manage. Junior walked away, ready to get a good night's sleep. When he walked into the room where was cot was, he saw the Shellshockers, all three of them, lying on their cots, wearing casts. One Troopa’s face was completely covered, and the other Troopa had a cast going across his stomach; he had two broken ribs! The Paratroopa was the worst, as he had a neck brace! This just made Junior feel even more uneasy. The Troopas turned their heads toward Junior (the Paratroopa couldn’t move his head).

“Hey,” said the Troopa with the broken ribs. “Ain’t you the one who’s gonna fight with that Jack Hammer guy?”

“Um… yes,” said Junior.

“MMMMM MMMPHH MMMPPPHHT!” said the Troopa with the covered face.

“… What?”

“He said he wishes ya luck. I wish ya luck too, ‘cause that Hammer Bro. really gave us a killer beating.”

“Oh… um… thanks.”

Junior walked over to his cot. He closed his eyes. He just couldn’t fall asleep, not while knowing that tomorrow, he might end up in the hospital. He tried counting sheep, but then he found himself counting broken bones. Junior shot up, breathing heavily. All right Gonzales Jr, he thought to himself. Calm yourself! Think. What would Gonzales (referring to Mario) do? He’d stand and fight, that’s what he’d do… yeah, stand and fight. I gotta do just the same… stand and fight. Feeling a little better, Junior lay back down and closed his eyes. Eventually he fell asleep.

The next day, Junior felt energized and ready for a challenge. Today’s the big day, he thought. I’m gonna give that Jack Hammer all I’ve got, because I’m sure he’s gonna do the same thing.

Junior’s thoughts were interrupted by a voice. “Yo Gonzales!” Junior looked over to see Jack.

“Hey Jack,” said Junior.

“Woag, you seem a bit calmer today.”

“Yeah, I’m calm.”

“Well, you’d better hope you’re ready for this.”

“Oh, I’m ready, all right!”

They both stared at each other, slightly grinning, giving each other looks that said “May the best man win.”

“I’ll see ya later,” said Jack. “’Got some business to take care of.”

“Yeah, see ya later.”

Jack walked away. Junior thought to himself. Maybe I should do a few practice battles, just to make sure I’m ready. And so he did. He went to Krubba and asked him to organize three battles against three other teams: the Magikoopa Masters, the Koopainator, and the Poker Triplets. Krubba agreed to do so. Later, after defeating the Magikoopa Masters, Junior was walking back to eat a berry when he was greeted by an unfriendly voice.

“Hey Greenie! Come ova’ here!”

Junior stopped, a little mad. “For the last time, Hamma, DON’T CALL ME GREENIE!!!” He turned around to see Hamma, Bamma, and Flare. “Whaddaya want?!” Junior asked impatiently.

“We heard you was gonna fight dat Jack Hamma’ dude!” said Flare.

“Yeah? What about it?”

“Well tell us where dat guy is!” said Bamma. “We wanna git somedin’ straight wit’ ‘im!”

“Chill, guys!” said a voice. “I’m right here.” The three Bros. turned around to see Jack. “You wanted to see me?”

“Yeah!” said Hamma. “We’re da Bros. who run da show around here, and if you dink you can just walk in an’ break all our necks, you got anoda’ ding comin’!”

“In oda’ words,” added Bamma, “we’re gonna knock you silly! So git ready, Purple Pipsqueak!”

The three Bros. laughed at the remark. Jack just stared at them with a mean look. Then he spoke angrily at them, imitating their accents. “Well den, youse guys got yourselves a fight. But I hope youse don’t hold it aginst me if youse end up in da hospital!”

The Bros. stopped laughing. They looked back at Jack, each with an angry look. “HEY!!!” Hamma yelled. “NOBODY DISSES DA BIG BAD BRUTE BROS!!!”

“Yeah?” said Jack. “Well I just did! So there! SHUT UP!!!”

“We’ll see whose gonna shut who up!” said Flare.

The three Bros. walked away to talk to Krubba. Jack and Junior watched them go. “Freakin’ idiots!” muttered Jack. “Something tells me I’ll never get along with those guys.”

“They're always like that,” said Junior.

“Hmm… Well, if that stupid Hammer Bro really thinks he can outbattle me with wooden hammers, he’s mistaken.”

“Those guys can get a little cocky,” added Junior. “Sometimes it pays off for them, sometimes they're not so lucky.”

Later, Junior had already defeated Koopinator, and was watching a vicious fight between Jack Hammer and the Big Bad Brute Bros. Hammers (both wooden and metal), boomerangs, and fireballs flew everywhere. In fact, most of the crowd had to cover their heads with hard objects for protection, as the battle was just too wild. Though the Brutes managed to avoid most of Jack’s hammers, they had nowhere to run from Jack’s left-hand punch. Eventually, Jack was victorious, leaving the Brutes mangled on the floor. Later, while Gonzales Junior was fighting with the Poker Triplets, Jack was sitting on a bench while speaking with the Brutes, who were each lying on a cot resting. Flare had a cast on his left shoulder. Jack’s punches had given Flare a broken shoulder blade.

“Ya know,” said Bamma, “I hates ta a’mit it, but you’re pretty good… for a rookie.”

“Thanks for the compliment,” said Jack. “You guys weren’t all that bad either.”

“Where do ya git dem metal hammas?” said Hamma.

“Now that’s a secret,” said Jack.

“Aww man…”

Later, Gonzales Junior came back, prickles all over him. Jack and the other Bros. just stared. “Um…” began Jack. “How’d it go?”

“A little sticky…” said Junior, brushing prickles from his nose. “But I still beat ‘em… Flare, did Jack break your shoulder?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it…” said Flare.

Junior sat down on the bench, still brushing prickles off him. As he did so, Jack’s metal arm caught his attention again. He stared at the powerful mass of steel. Jack noticed this, and looked at Junior, who turned away. “I bet you’re wondering what happened to my arm,” Jack finally said. Junior looked up.

“Um... yeah,” he said.

Jack looked at the Brutes, who were also staring at his arm. Jack looked down, knowing that when he told Junior and the Bros. what happened, it would certainly freak them out. He finally spoke up. “To make it simple… my real arm is inside a Chomp.” Junior’s jaws dropped to the floor, while the Brutes just stared in disbelief, eyes bucked. This Hammer Brother had had his arm bitten off by a Chomp. Of all the painful things in the world, did this particular thing really have to happen to him? Jack must’ve had a rough life. “More happened along with that,” continued Jack, “but it’s too painful to even mention… I gotta go. I’m gonna get a soda.” He walked out of the room, leaving Junior and the Brutes sitting there, dumbfounded.

“Arm got bit’in off, eh?” said Flare. “I wonda how dat felt…”

“Probably not to good,” said Hamma. “C’mon guys, le’s go walk around.” The Bros. left, while Junior still sat there, thinking. So Jack lost his arm, but he’s still in good spirits… Well, at least that’s a better attitude than that of that guy I read about in some book where he lost his leg… I can’t remember the title though… I think it was… Moby… something… Jack still seems a little troubled, though… His past must’ve been very hard for him… Anyone would think that on top of his arm incident, he doesn’t even have a friend. The very thought perked Junior up. Maybe that was it… Maybe Jack never had a real friend. Junior thought about this, then he looked up at the clock. It said 6:00 PM. The battle was at seven. I guess I have time for one more practice battle, he thought. He ran off to speak to Krubba.

Later, Jack was enjoying his drink when he heard noise coming from the arena. He ran to the doors and peered through the small window, and there was Gonzales Junior, beating the crud out of the Dead Bones. Yep, Jack thought. That’s one tough Yoshi.

Later, it was almost time for the battle between Gonzales Junior and Jack Hammer to begin. Junior had just woken up from his nap. He walked out of the room and towards the arena. Near the arena door, Junior was surprised to see that all the other fighters (including Rawk Hawk and the Brute Bros) were waiting for him. They wished him luck, saying things like “Show ‘em what yer made of!” and “Mind his left-hander!” Junior was a little nervous, but otherwise confident. He entered the arena, the crowd cheering him on. Jack was already there. Junior walked up onto the battle stage. Krubba began his speech to pump up the crowd. “ALL RIGHT!!! LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!” The crowd cheered loudly.

“All right!” said Krubba. “Do you guys have anything to say?”

“Yes,” said Jack. “I hope you’re hungry!”

“Huh?!” said Junior. “Hungry?!”


“I SHOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT HAPPEN!!!” Junior yelled back. The crowd cheered loudly. Then came the word that would begin one of the craziest and most vicious battles in Glitz Pit history.


Junior and Jack circled around, wondering who was going to attack first. They suddenly charged towards each other. Junior jumped and tried to jump-kick Jack, who ducked to avoid Junior’s foot. Jack whipped around and hurled hammers at Junior. Junior back-flipped, avoiding most of Jack’s hammers (one bounced off his saddle while he was upside-down, but it didn’t hurt). Junior ran towards Jack and jumped up. He flutter-kicked right into Jack’s face, kicking him repeatedly. No one in the cord was sitting down. Jack stumbled a little from the kick, but was still unharmed. He jumped towards Junior, intentionally jumping over him in the process. Junior whipped around, just in time for Jack to give him a left-hand punch in the face. Junior staggered back, blood streaming from his nose. He charged back at Jack and rapped his tongue around him. He somehow managed to fit Jack into his mouth and spit him back out. Jack fell onto the battle floor, soaking set in saliva. The crowd laughed at this, while Junior covered his mouth, trying not to laugh himself. Jack got back up, shaking the spit off. He looked at the laughing crowd. Then he gave Junior a very angry look, and Junior had a look on his face that said “Whoops”.

Jack charged at Junior and reached into his mouth, grabbing his tongue. The crowd stopped laughing. Jack knew this was disgusting, but he was too angry to care. He tied Junior’s tongue in a knot and swung him in circles by the tongue. He then let go, sending Junior flying onto the battle floor. Junior got back up, knowing that Jack’s swinging him by tongue was a message that said “That wasn’t very funny!” Junior, with a bruise on his shoulder, untied his tongue and charge at Jack, who also charged. Jack stopped and threw a duo of hammers at Junior, who just barely avoided them both (though one hammer skimmed the edge of his right arm). Junior jumped-kicked Jack in the face, causing Jack’s nose-patch to fly off, revealing a small cut that went deep into his nose. Junior just stared for a second. Jack grabbed the patch and hastily slapped it back on. Now Jack had a nosebleed. He jumped back at Junior and the two exchanged blows.

The fight seemed endless, and still nobody in the crowd was sitting down. Unbelievably, it was 8:30, and the Yoshi and Hammer Bro were still fighting for real estate. Both Jack and Junior had blood streaming from their faces. They had been going at each other for a long time, and were still going at each other. Junior had been struck by several hammers, but was somehow still on his feet. Jack was also battered by Junior’s speedy kicks, but he also was still on his feet. It seemed like this was a duel to the death. Junior was kicking Jack in the face again. Jack staggered a little more than he had from Junior’s previous attacks. He charged at Junior again. Junior also charged, but was grabbed by Jack, who held him up sideways with both hands and gave him the classic airplane spin, ending it with a body slam. Junior felt as though he was almost dead (that was an exaggeration), but he couldn’t give up. He staggered back onto his feet and began delivering punches at Jack’s stomach. Jack stumbled back, hands on his belly.

Jack backed up further away from Junior, who, knowing what Jack was trying to do, also backed up. They suddenly charged at each other. The crowd looked on as the battered Yoshi and Hammer Bro got closer and closer to each other. When they where just a few feet away from each other, they stretched out their fists at each other. Then it happened. Junior’s left fist went sailing into Jack’s face, right between the eyes, while Jack’s metal fist when sailing into Junior’s left jaw, knocking a tooth out. The two fell onto their backs. They had KO’d each other simultaneously.

The crowd fell silent. Krubba walked onto the battle stage. He had never seen this happen before. He also thought that if he called tie, the crowd would get mad and throw things, but he had no choice. He had to make it fair. “TIE!!!” he yelled. The crowd was silent for a few more seconds. Then they cheered. They knew their favorite, Gonzales Junior, was KO’d and couldn’t hear the cheering, but they were cheering anyway, as Junior had fought his hardest and deserved half the glory. The other half went to Jack Hammer, in a “welcome to the Glitz Pit” kind of manner, even though Jack couldn’t hear either.

Later that night, Jack woke up to see that he and Junior were in the first aid room, lying on beds next to each other. He looked at Junior. Junior had a white brace tied all the way around his head from the tooth that flew out. He also had other braces all over him from the hammers and Jack’s left-hander. Jack had a cast wrapped around the top of his head. He had got a minor concussion from the final punch between his eyes. He also had a larger patch on his nose, as Junior had hit him in the face countless times. Junior also woke up. He looked all around him. Then he looked at Jack. He wanted to say something, but his mouth was in too bad a condition for him to speak.

Jack was the first to speak. “You’re a lot tougher than I thought,” he said softly.

Junior gave Jack a look that said “So were you”.

“Ya know,” Jack continued, “I’m starting to think we should team up. We’d probably be at the top of the rankings. And no one else would stand a chance. But besides that, the main reason why I want us to join up is that… well… you’re the only real friend I’ve ever had… No one else ever noticed me much… or cared.”

Junior was shocked. I knew it! He’s never had a real friend before! Now that is just sad… very sad indeed. Junior stared at Jack, feeling sorry about his past. He had grown fond of Jack, and Jack seemed to consider him a friend. Junior was taken aback by this.

“So… whaddya say?”

Junior gave Jack a look that said “Let’s do it, pal!” Jack smiled at him. For the first time in his life, Jack had a best friend. Junior smiled back. Then he lay and closed his eyes happily. Jack closed his eyes too, happy and satisfied with not only his new friend, but his new life with his new friend.

When the two fully recovered, they became known as The Great Gonzales Junior and Jack Hammer, or the Unstoppable KO’ers. As their team name implied, they were unstoppable… well… just about unstoppable. Some teams beat them out of luck. Nevertheless, they were ranked number one, and they went on the win even more battles, and eventually, the championship. Jack couldn’t have been happy enough with his new best friend, and Gonzales Junior couldn’t be happy enough with his. Eventually, Junior found time to introduce Jack Hammer to his old friends: Goombella, Koops, Flurrie, Vivian, and Bobbery. For Jack, the moment when he got his best friend would be the happiest moment of his entire life.

The End

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