Chapter 1: Randomness is Present
Randomness: I'm not present!
Randomness rips off his costume, revealing himself to be... almost... not quite yet... Pie Guy!
Almost... Not Quite Yet... Pie Guy: Hah ha ha!
The guy with the really long name dies.
Yeah. Anyways, Wario enters Mushroom Kingdom.
Wario: When did I leave?
You didn't.
Wario: Oh.
Wario walks forward and bumps into a person.
Person: Hello! My name is Apple Pie!
Apple Pie walks over to a rock.
Apple Pie: Hello! My name is Apple Pie!
Apple Pie falls off Clifford the Bid Red Dog, and off a cliff. Wario walks farther ahead, and sees a frustrated Toad.
Toad: Argh! He stole my wallet!
Wario: Who did?
Toad: Argh! He stole my wallet!
Wario: Who did?
Toad: Argh! He stole my wallet!
Wario: I'm leaving now.
Toad: Argh! He stole my wallet!
Wario walks away and bumps into a marshmallow.
Marshmallow: Hello. My name is Mallow.
Wario: Yummy! A marshmallow.
Wario eats the marshmallow, and he drops a Green Coin.
Wario: Money!
Suddenly a purple thing comes by and swipes a coin.
Another Toad: Hey! Give me back my coin!
Wario picks up the green coin, when a big, purple lizard comes by.
Purple Lizard: Hello! I'm Barney! You love me, I love you-
Wario: Argh!
Wario pushes Barney off a cliff. Suddenly, a purple alligator of some sort comes running by. (To save time I'll just tell you his name is Croco.)
Croco: Ba ha ha! You couldn't catch me in a million years!
Wario: Yes I could.
Croco: No you couldn't.
Wario: Yes I could.
Croco: Okay. For catching me, I'll join your party!
Wario, Croco, and a bunch of Toads party all night.
Croco: That was fun. Because of that, I'll help you keep that bomb attached to you from-
NO SPOILERS!
A lightning bolt zaps Croco. He dies.
Wario: But aren't I supposed to get a partner around this time?
Oh fine. You'll get someone, eventually. Just wait.
Wario: Fine. Wario walks up to the castle, and enters it. He sees a bunch of Toads.
Toads: Die!
The Toads run over and kill a bug that had a piece of candy.
Toads: Hah, junkhead!
Wario walks on and sees the Chancellor.
Chancellor: Activate Plan 63.4.
Hologram of Sky Troopa: The one where we kill all the Medis?
Chancellor: Yes... Wait.. Ssomeone's here.
He turns around and faces Wario.
He: Shouldn't the Chancellor have done that?
Yes.
The Chancellor turns around and faces Wario.
Chancellor: Hello. Who are you?
Wario: I am Wa- I mean Mario.
Chancellor: No you're not. He has a mustache and plumber clothes.
Wario: So do I.
Chancellor: Oh. Hello, Mario! What brings you here?
Wario: Princess Peach is dead.
Chancellor: Ok. Have some money.
He and the Chancellor hand Wario some money.
He: That was for the great party.
Wario: Ok, I guess. Also, the Toads you sent are dead.
Chancellor: What Toads?
Wario: These.
Wario shows the Chancellor the strangled Toad and the one that was killed by the Goombas.
Chancellor: Never seen them in my life. Have a cookie.
He suddenly dies. Also, the Chancellor hands Wario a cookie.
Wario: Sure. Also... I need a partner. I'm supposed to get one around this time.
Chancellor: Use the fork, Luke... I mean Wario.
Wario: Ok.
Wario leaves and walks to a room.
Wario: Chancellor told me I could have the treasure in there.
Janitor-er Toad: Sure... Ok.
Wario walks in.
Wario: Chocolate!
Wario eats all the "chocolate" in the room.
Toad: That wasn't chocolate.
Wario pukes all over the floor. Suddenly, the Toad explodes.
Wario: 0_0
Wario walks to another room.
Guard Toad: Halt! I cannot let you know of the amazing treasure inside here!
Wario: But you just-
Guard Toad: Halt! I cannot let you know of the amazing treasure inside here!
Wario: But-
Guard Toad: Halt! I cannot let you know of the amazing treasure inside here!
Wario: Whatever.
Wario walks past the Guard Toad, and ends up in a room with 3 chests. He hits them, and gets a Recovery Mushroom, another Flower (and eats them both), and another green coin.
Wario: Cool.
Wario walks out of the castle, and suddenly a cloaked stranger approaches him.
Cloaked Stranger: If you give me Frog Coins, I'll help you.
Wario: Frog Coins?
Cloaked Stranger: They are giant, green coins.
Wario: Oh! I have two.
Cloaked Stranger: I want ten.
Wario: But two is more than ten.
Cloaked Stranger: Ok!
Wario gives him the coins.
Cloaked Stranger: Ok. I... AM...
Suddenly he rips off the cloak and reveals himself to be a man with green clothes and messy, brown hair covering his eyes.
Cloaked Stranger: CYZERO! I am the mad weapon smith!
Wario: Who?
Cyzero: Cyzero, the mad weapon smith!
Wario: Oh.
Cyzero has joined
your party!
Ability: A Primer-
Wario: This isn't Paper Mario!
Oh.
Cyzero: So, what are you wanting to do?
Wario: I have no idea. Let's go to Bandit Way for no reason.
Wario exits the Mushroom Kingdom, and appears on the World Map. He moves over to the Bandit Way icon, and enters.
Wario: Let's do stuff for no reason!
After they do stuff for no reason, they end up at a chest. Wario hits the chest, and gets a Star.
Wario: w00t! A Star!
Wario eats the Star, and gains superpowers!...for one second.
Wario: Darn it. Wait a minute. What happened to Cyzero?
Don't you remember? After anything important happens (or random, or stupid, or smart, or real, or... never mind) they walk back into you.
Wario: Into me?
Never mind.
Wario: Okay!
Wario walks forward for a while, and ends up in the last part of Bandit's Way.
Wario: How do you know that?
The sign that says "Last Part of Bandit's Way."
Wario: Oh.
Wario walks forward a bit and sees Croco.
Wario: How are you alive?
Croco: Plot hole.
Wario: How can there be a plot hole? There is no plot!
Croco: Oh.
Because there is no plot, there never was a plot hole, so Croco never survived, so he is not there.
Wario: Aww. I was hoping for an RPG battle.
We had to cut those out, to make room for the super high-tech battles that we will never show!
Wario: You don't have enough money, right?
Maybe. Anyways, a spring pad thing suddenly falls down from the sky and crushes Waryo.
Waryo: Ah crud.
Waryo dies.
Wario: Yeah.
Wario jumps onto the spring pad thing and hops back up to the World Map. He goes over the the Mushroom Kingdom spot, and enters.
Meanwhile...
???: Master, the plan has failed.
Master: What plan?
???: THE plan.
Master: Oh. Well, send out the deadliest monster he have! Send out... the Kraken.
???: Oh yeah. Sorry, but the kraken got injured. I can send out our second most deadly monster we have.
Master: Make it so, #1.
#1: Ok.
???: What about me?
Master: You can leave, too.
Back with Wario...
Wario is in the Mushroom Kingdom, when a butterfly attacks him. Wario avoids it.
Butterfly: Crud. I have failed the master.
Meanwhile again...
Master: So out second most deadly monster was a butterfly?
???: A Pepper Butterfly.
Master: Ugh. I guess I'll have to stop him myself.
The master person walks out of the shadows-
Fans: What shadows?
???: This has fans?
I guess it does. Just ignore them. Anyways, the person walks out of the shadow, and turns out to be... Jean-Luc Picard!
Jean-Luc: Hand me my lazer gun.
???: Okay.
??? hands Jean-Luc his lazer gun.
Jean-Luc: Very Good. Ha ha ha!
Back with Wario... again...
Wario: Hey Cyzero.
Cyzero walks out of Wario.
Cyzero: Yes?
Wario: Do you know why the music has changed and there are a bunch of Shy Guys hopping on pogosticks here?
Cyzero: No.
Wario: Ok then.
Cyzero walks back into Wario.
Wario walks over to one of the Shy Guys.
Wario: What are you doing here, Shy Guy?
Shy Guy: I'm not a Shy Guy! I am a Shyster! You will die!
RPG- Oh wait. No more RPG battles, so the Shyster explodes. Wario walks past and sees a Toad.
Toad: That alligator stole my wallet! Hey! You have my wallet! Give it back!
Wario: No I don't.
Toad: Yes you do!
Suddenly the Toad explodes. Wario walks into the castle, and sees a Toad running from a Shyster. Wario jumps at the Shyster and eats him.
Toad: That was random. Do you want to help me get to Princess Toadstool's room?
Wario: No.
Toad: WHAT?! But you're supposed to-
Suddenly Toad explodes.
Wario: I'm noticing a pattern here.
Suddenly a pattern explodes.
A Pattern: Why me?
A Pattern dies.
Wario: Okay.
Wario walks to a random room. Inside are Toadstool and a bunch of Toads.
Toadstool: Thank you for coming, whoever you are!
Wario: But you got killed by that giant sword!
Toadstool: I... uh... survived! Yeah! It looked like I died but that was just an illusion.
Wario: Ok. Fine.
Wario leaves and uses the power of random to warp to another room. He sees the Guard Toad in a corner.
Guard Toad: I got a shiny coin! I found a shiny coin! You can have this.
The Guard Toad hands Wario a sword. Wario then kills the Guard Toad with it, and takes the coin. Then, he walks into the next room, and sees a Toad surrounded by Shysters.
Toad: Help me! That stupid Guard Toad ran away and now-
Suddenly the Toad gets struck by a falling hippy. He has a camera, and a nametag that says Leo.
Leo: Hey.
Wario: What?
Leo: Get out of my house, man.
Leo suddenly dies. Wario walks back into the treasure room for some reason.
Wario: More treasure!
Wario collects the exact same treasure as last time, and then walks to another room. In the room are a bunch of Shysters and a huge, white glove hopping on a pogo-sword.
White Glove: I am Smack, Cyber Smithy's weakest general!
Wario: If you are a new enemy, then why are there Shysters here?
Smack: Uh... because... uh... because... uh...
Suddenly Smack and all the Shysters explode, and a metal device attaches to Wario.
Wario: What is this?
That is the Time-Bomb. In one year it will explode, destroying the universe. It was created by Cyber Smithy. That's what it says on the label.
Wario: Why would he do that? Wouldn't that destroy him, too?
I don't know. Anyways... um... This shouldn't have lasted this long. I don't know what to say. Um... Oh yeah! Suddenly... a man warps into the room. It is Jean-Luc Picard!
Jean-Luc: You will die, Wario! My master has commanded it!
Wario: Jean-Luc doesn't have a master!
Jean-Luc: Oh no! He saw through my disguise! I am really...
Jean-Luc rips of his costume and turns out to be Masahiro Sakurai!
Masahiro: You will now die at the hands of-
Suddenly a lightning bolt comes down and strikes Sakurai, and he dies.
Wario: You know... I have the strangest feeling that something really random will happen now-
To Be Continued...
Wario: I was right!
Hey wait. You never sold your hammers. What happened?
Wario: Oh. Those. They hissed too much so I couldn't sell them, so I threw them down a cliff, where they were struck by lightning and exploded.
That was just random-
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