When we last left Jack and Craw, the train had crashed. Are they alive, or not? ... What am I saying?! Of course they’re alive!!! If they weren’t I wouldn’t be continuing this FF!!! Anyway, on to the story!
CHAPTER 11: AFTERMATH OF THE WRECK
Jack wakes up.
Jack: Ugh… What happened? Did we die?
Craw: Were you listening?! The author just said we didn’t!
The engineer and Doopliss wake up.
Engineer: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU WALKING BEDSHEET!!!
Doopliss: … Thank you for the cookies, Mommy.
Jack: Let’s go check on the other passengers.
They go out of the locomotive. Jack looks in room 001. A Koopa is sitting against the wall. Jack goes to him.
Jack: You okay?
Craw looks in room 002. There’s a Shy Guy lying on the floor.
Craw: Are you okay?
They Shy Guy isn’t moving.
Craw: I guess he’s out cold… Hmm, I wonder what’s behind his mask…
Craw takes the mask off.
Craw slaps the mask back on.
Craw: That was creepy…
The engineer looks in room 003. Heff T. is lying on the floor.
Engineer: Are you okay?
Heff T: Help me! I can’t get up!
Engineer: Big surprise…
Jack looks in room 004. No one is there.
Jack: Hmm…? That’s odd…
Ghost T. appears out of nowhere.
Ghost T: WhoooOoooooOooooooOoooooo aaaAAaaAaaaAaaAaaaareeeeEeeeeEEee yoooooOOOOooooooouuuuuUUUuu?
Craw looks in room 005. A Bumpty with a red-striped hat is sitting against the wall.
Craw: Are you okay?
Bumpty: Do not worry, as I am completely intact.
Craw: …Okay… Hey, you’re a detective, are you not?
Bumpty: … Why yes, I am… Allow me to introduce myself. I am Pennington.
Craw: Great! Maybe you can help me and my traveling partner with a problem…
The engineer looks in the dining car. Chef Shimi and the Toad Waitress are dazed on the floor.
Engineer: Are you two okay?
Chef Shimi: I’m the prettiest girl around!
Waitress: ‘Sup, dog?
Engineer: I’ll take that as a no…
Jack looks in room 006.
Jack: Huh?! No one’s here? What’s up with that?! Oh wait… This is OUR room…
Jack goes to room 007.
Jack: No one’s here either… Oh yeah… This is Boomer’s room.
Jack goes to room 008.
Jack: Another empty room… Oh… Wait… Voshi’s room…
Jack exits the room and sees the conductor lying on the ground.
Jack: Are you okay?
Conductor: … Where am I…? Who are you…?
Jack: *sigh* You’re fine…
CHAPTER 12: FIGHT FOR THE PHONE
Everyone (including Ghost T) is outside the train.
Craw: Okay, Jack. I met Pennington here, and I do believe he can help. He actually lives in the Poshley Heights Sanctum.
(Note: I’ve been calling the Sanctum a “Museum” throughout the first four pages of this FF. That’s because I just found out it’s not really a Museum, so just pretend I said “Sanctum” in the first four pages.)
Jack: He does?
Pennington: Yes I do, and I am not happy to hear that someone broke into my home!
Engineer: Okay, everyone. Listen up!
Everyone looks at him.
Engineer: Since the conductor has amnesia, I will be in charge for the time being. Now, does anyone have a cell phone?
Craw: The Boomerang Bro had one… but he’s… vanished… Yeah, that’s it…
Doopliss: That’s okay. I have his phone… Oops…
Engineer: Then won’t you hand it over?
Doopliss: Uh… NO!!!
Engineer: Then we’re not going anywhere until I have that phone!
Doopliss: You can’t have it!!!
Jack: Give him the phone, you idiot!!!
Jack tackles Doopliss and starts beating him up.
Doopliss: AAAAAHHH!!! GET OFF ME, YOU GALLOPING SAUSAGE!!!
Jack: … Galloping sausage?!
Jack and Doopliss start rolling on the ground with their hands locked together (if Doopliss has hands).
Jack: GIVE ME THAT PHONE!!!
Doopliss: NO NO NO!!!
Doopliss kicks Jack off.
Engineer: This is getting interesting…
Doopliss morphs into the form of Jack.
Jack: Ha HA!!! Now I’m gonna give you a taste of your own medicine!
Jack: Bring it!
Jack throws eight hammers at Jack. One bounces off Jack’s helmet. Jack charges at Jack and punches him in the face with his metal fist.
Jack: OW!!! You’ll pay for that!!!
Jack tries to punch Jack, but misses.
Jack: You gotta do better than that!!!
Pennington: Wow… All this for a phone…
Jack throws seven hammers at Jack.
Jack: How do you like DEM apples?!
Jack: RRRRRR!!! You are gonna get it!!!
Jack and Jack start beating on each other. There’s a cloud of smoke and no one can see them.
Pennington: Craw, you are his partner, yes? Why not help him out?
Craw: … Good point… The thing is I don’t know which one is the real Jack…
Pennington: No fear. I shall deduce the real Jack.
The smoke cloud disappears.
Jack: I WANT THAT PHONE!!!
Craw: No need, Penny. I know which one is the real one is.
Craw tackles Jack.
Jack: OW!!! YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY!!!
Craw: Oh yeah?! Well, who was the first Glitz Pit champion?!
Jack: Prince Mush!!!
Craw: … Oops…
The Other Jack: HAHAHAHA!!! Idiot!
The other Jack morphs back to Doopliss. He pulls out his stun gun.
Doopliss: Get the whole load of THIS!!!
Doopliss stuns Jack and Craw.
Jack and Craw: Didididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididididi!!!
Doopliss: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Now you’ll NEVER get my phone!!! ... That didn’t sound right…
Engineer: There’s one problem with that.
Engineer: You forgot about the rest of us!
Doopliss: … Uh oh…
Engineer: GET HIM!!!
Everyone else (except the conductor, Ghost T, and the engineer) charges at Doopliss and starts beating him up.
Engineer: Aren’t you going to help, Ghost?
Ghost T: I cAn’T pUnCh…BuT I CoUlD pOsSeSs YoU aNd HeLp. BeSiDeS I DoN’t SeE wHy YoU’rE nOt HeLpInG.
Engineer: Don’t even—
Ghost T. possesses the engineer and joins the brawl.
Doopliss: OW!!! STOP IT!!! PAIN!!! LET GO OF MY LEG!!!
Pennington: What leg?!
Heff T: SHROOM PILE!!!
Doopliss: NO!!! NOT THAT!!!
Heff T. jumps on Doopliss.
Doopliss: OW!!! MY SPLEEN!!!
Heff T: And I’m NOT getting off until you give up that phone!!!
Doopliss throws out his phone. It’s crushed. The engineer picks it up.
Engineer: Oh… Perfect… NOW what?!
Craw: HEY!!! I just remembered! I have a phone!!!
Craw takes out his phone. Doopliss tries to get to him but Heff T. is still sitting on him.
Jack: How can you forget about your own phone?
Craw: Who cares? Now I can call Al to fly us all to Poshley Heights!
Jack: Well call ‘im!
Craw tries to dial but the battery is dead.
Craw: *sigh* Great… One problem after another… This is unreal!
Jack: Well, what do we do now, walk to Poshley Heights?!
Engineer: I guess we have no other choice… Well, let’s go… Oh, wait a minute…
Ghost T. comes out of the engineer’s body.
Ghost T: OKaY, I’M rEaDy.
Ghost T: YeS?
Engineer: DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!
In the Poshley Heights Sanctum…
Boss: Well, tomorrow’s the big day, Junior… The day when I get my sweet justice!
Junior: Justice?! It looks more like revenge to me!
Bling Bling: Um… I just noticed your gag is missing again… Bomb Bomb?!
Bling Bling goes into the next room. Bomb Bomb is watching a romance on TV. He’s wiping away his tears with Junior’s gag.
Bling Bling: …
CHAPTER 13: FOURTH DAY OF EXCESS?
The engineer, conductor (who still has amnesia), Chef Shimi, the waitress, and the passengers are walking along the train tracks.
Engineer: Come on. Poshley Heights isn’t too far away…
Conductor: Actually it’s fifty miles away.
Engineer: HEY!!! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT!!!...And besides, you’re supposed to have amnesia.
Conductor: Oh yeah… FALL IS JUST SOMETHING THE GROWNUPS INVENTED!!!
Shy Guy: Fifty miles?!...AND WE HAVE TO WALK THE WHOLE THING?!
Engineer: Uh… Well I don’t see any other ways… so… yes…
Conductor: GO SPEED RACER!!! GO SPEED RACER!!! GO SPEED RACER, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Jack: Wait… Craw, are you sure your cell phone is dead?
Craw: Well, I couldn’t dial, so it obviously is…
Conductor: I WANNA SEE YOU WALK THE BUCKET!!!
Everyone Else: … Walk the bucket?!
Jack: Let me fix that.
Jack throws a hammer at the conductor.
Conductor: Ugh… What happened? Did I miss anything?
Jack: That takes care of that… Anyway, check that phone again.
Craw tries to dial again. It still doesn’t work.
Craw: See? It’s dead.
Jack: Lemme see it!
Craw: Jack, I just proved to you that—
Jack: Don’t start a repeat of what happened just earlier!
Craw: *sigh* Fine, but this is pointless.
Craw gives Jack the phone.
Jack notices something.
Jack: I just noticed something!
Craw: Is there an echo in here? Anyway, what’s the problem?
Jack: You turned your phone off.
Craw: … Ooh!
Jack turns the phone on.
Craw: Great! Now I can call my old friend!
Craw dials the number.
Craw: (talking on phone) Hey. Yeah, we need your help again. Yeah, we’re somewhere east of Riverside. Okay, we’ll be waiting.
Craw hangs up.
Pennington: So who is your friend? No, wait! Do not tell me! I shall deduce his Identity.
Craw: Don’t worry. You have a few hours to do so.
Four hours later…
Pennington: His name is Prince Mush and he’s a Mushroomer.
Craw: C’mon! It’s mid-morning and you STILL haven’t guessed right! Besides, I don’t even KNOW Prince Mush!
Pennington: I’m not guessing! I’m deducing! Now let me think! Hmm… Ah! I have it now! His name is Speed and he’s a racer!
Craw: You only took that from what the conductor was saying when he had amnesia!
Conductor: I never said that!
Craw: Um… Hello? You obviously can remember! After all, it was AMNESIA!
Pennington: I have it for sure this time! His name is Crash and he’s a Bandicoot!
A huge Albatoss flies in.
Craw: No. His name is Al and he’s an Albatoss.
Pennington: I told you not to tell me!
Al lands next to them.
Everyone but Craw and Jack: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
Al: You called me?
Craw: Yeah. Poshley Heights? It’s only fifty miles away.
Al: Hop on!
Engineer: Oh great! Now we have to ride on some giant bird! Everything about this is weird!
Al jumps in front of the engineer and spreads his wings.
Al: YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
Engineer: … Eep!
Craw: Hey! Al’s sensitive to those kinds of comments!
Engineer: Uh… Hehe… I guess you do have a… pretty good-sized wingspan…
Al: Oh… Thank you.
Jack: Hey! Are we going to Poshley Heights or not?! It’s been four days, you know, and Junior could be—
Craw: Ooh! You’re right! Okay, everyone! Get on his back! On the double!
Everyone but Craw and Ghost T. climbs on Al’s back.
Craw: Aren’t you getting on too?
Ghost T: No. I’lL JuSt FlY aLoNgSiDe. I’M a GhOsT aFtEr AlL.
Craw climbs on Al’s beak. (Al’s back is taken up by everyone else besides Ghost T.).
Jack: Let’s go!
Al runs and tries to get off the ground, but can’t immediately.
Craw: What’s wrong?
Al: The big fat guy is making you all a bit heavy.
Heff T: FAT?! I’ll have you know that I’m wearing the same underwear I wore twelve years ago!
Everyone Else: …
Heff T: … Uh… Did I say that out loud?
Well, it’s the fourth day. Will Jack and Craw make at in time? Will they be too late? Will Speed Racer air again? (Seriously, I miss that show!) We’ll see in PART 6! ... Um… Except for the Speed Racer part…