Chapter 4: Subspace
In an attempt to find the Halberd, our heroes managed to meet Fin the Bandit. Hoping to find tracker batteries in Koopa’s Tycoon Town, they succeeded, yet found much trouble. They stopped the bomb and are now ready to continue.
Meanwhile there is a dark realm. It’s a floating island in the sky, with two piles of wreckage. One is Mushroom City, and the other is Isle Delfino. The sky is red and the Halberd is on the ground nearby. A Fire Bro wakes up near a tree.
Fire Bro: Ugh. That is the last time I ever go to Mushroom City. Where am I?
Tippi: Hi!
Fire Bro: And who exactly are you?
Tippi: I’m Tippi, but my real name is-
Fire Bro: BO-RING! Listen, where am I?
Tippi: This is Subspace. The Subspace Army is trying to piece-by-piece destroy Plit with their subspace bombs. They go off, the whole region is drawn into Subspace. So here we are.
Fire Bro: Well, “Tippi”, how’d you get here?
Tippi: I was with my Blumiere in our perfect world, when-
Fire Bro: Details, bug, details!
Tippi: You’re the impatient type, aren’t you? Anyway, my friend (Merlon) took me to his world and told me about this problem. So I changed to this form and warped here.
Fire Bro: And what are you supposed to do?
Tippi: Find a strong being to help defeat the Subspace Army.
Fire Bro: I bet that’s me. So what do I do?
Tippi: I don’t know… I think we should sneak onto the ship and figure out their plans by sneaking around. But we must remain silent. Anyone that’s been caught has been taken and transformed into minions. Do you have a name?
Fire Bro: Uh, my name is Red.
And so Red and Tippi head over to the Halberd.
Tippi: There’s an invisible doorway. Let me make it visible for you…
She does and they enter. Metal Gear Solid-reminiscent music starts making as Red (and Tippi) sneak around. They avoid Primids with flashlights, but occasionally get barely seen, invoking exclamation marks to appear over the Primids’ heads. To make it easier, Red finds a cardboard box and he and Tippi sneak around in it. Finally, a montage later, a ROB that was moving down the hallway senses life, and detects it under a box, so he removes the box.
Red: Oh no.
ROB: INTRUDERS! INTRUDERS IN SECTOR 3!
Suddenly a ramp lowers down and 3 Roaders ride down towards Red.
Red: It’s fireball time!
Tippi: Just never repeat that.
Red spits fireballs at the middle Roader, defeating it, and he runs up the ramp, between the other two. They turn around and follow him. When they’re all up, the ramp rises back up, and Red finds himself surrounded by Greaps. Not Greapers, Greaps.
Red: Oh boy…
They all start slicing away, but he hides in his shell.
Tippi: I’ll help…
These are Greaps,
odd creatures with sickles for hands that are part of the Subspace Army…
Max HP is 15 and ATK is 7… Their red heads seem to be their weak spots…
Red: You have too many ellipses in your speech.
Tippi: Blame Nintendo.
Red sticks his head out of his shell and spits fireballs at a random Greap’s head, defeating it. He gets out and runs towards the wall. The rest of the Greaps and the two Roaders from before are all closing in on him.
Tippi: There’s an invisible block here. Let me make it visible for-
Red: I get it! Enough in-game lines!
Tippi makes the block visible and Red hits it. Out comes a Mega Star! He becomes a palette swap of the Hammer Bros. from SMB! And a huge one! He rushes through the room, destroying everyone! Meanwhile…
Primid: Sir, there’s a gigantic 8-bit Fire Bro. rampaging through the ship’s giant room in the back, destroying things as we speak!
Ancient Minister: Impossible! There are no 8-bit sprites of them! Wait for the power-up to fade, and send Mr. L in there! Good thing we found him and Petey.
And so the power-up’s ability fades.
Red: That was weird.
Mr. L: L-ucky for you this is a big room, or else we’d have to end your game for trashing the place. Oh well, I’ll still kill you.
Mr. L high jumps, but Red moves out of the way and spits a fireball at him and jumps on him. In fact, imagine this as the fight from SPM, but with the heroes replaced with Red, and his ability is to spit fireballs.
Mr. L: Ow!
Tippi: Luigi, what are you doing bad again?
Mr. L: Who is this Luigi you speak of?
Red: Okay, you get out of the way, and I won’t call my friend, Mr. Foot, so he won’t feel the need to attack you. I’m saying I’ll kick your butt if you don’t let us through.
Tippi: Wow, you’re SO clever.
Red: Thanks!
Tippi: …
Mr. L: You can’t defeat the Green Thunder!
Tippi: You’re an idiot.
From behind, Petey quickly eats Red and Tippi, and spits them out a window.
Mr. L: Nice quick thinking, Petey.
Ancient Minister: Attention, all onboard. We are about to leave the realm and enter Plit. Please buckle your seatbelts or hold onto something.
But outside, Red grabs onto a chain on one of those platforms held up by a chain you can find in 8-1 in Kirby: Squeak Squad. A beam comes from the bow, creating a portal that the ship flies through.
Red: Yay! Plit, here I come!
Tippi: I have a bad feeling about this…
The ship leaves the realm of Subspace, but when it arrives in the Plit Dimension, Red feels a strange sensation. The white parts of his helmet become black, as does the front of his shell, and he’s suddenly got black spikes on his shell and is wearing a mask like Mr. L. Oh, and he has horns like Army Hammer Bro except they’re black. He falls from the ship.
Tippi: Ha ha! But I wonder why that happened… Oh yeah! If you travel from reality to Subspace, or vice versa, you leave either your good or bad side behind! But how come no one else is affected? Perhaps the Halberd’s armor, and something with Subspace Bombs might be protecting others. Maybe that’s how Luigi became Mr. L! Now I’ve got to go back to Merlon.
She warps away. On the ground…
Red: Oh my DAD, what happened? Huh? Who, what, when, where, and why am I? Or at least who and where.
The Dark Toad walks up to him.
Dark Toad: (Maybe this guy can give me enough Star Points to level up!) Die!
The Dark Toad jumps to Red.
Red: Super Fire Attack!
Red then opens his mouth wide, and a HUGE beam of fire comes out, onto the Dark Toad. But the Dark Toad takes his original blob form, and wraps himself around Red.
Red: Get off me, you idiot!
Red concentrates and spontaneously catches fire, but it’s too late. The monster fused with him. Even as I speak, a battle for control is going on (Hey, who hit the referee? That jerk!), and Red’s eyes are constantly changing from red to the normal white. The voice is a mix of both of theirs.
Dark Red: Bwahahahaha! Now I have the power of a Blooper, a Toad, and a Super Fire Bro! … In retrospect, that came out making me sound a lot wimpier than I was going for…
Dark Red sees the Halberd fly by.
Dark Red: That cruddy ship! Full of those weak monsters! I’ll destroy it!
Yes, that’s Red’s desire to destroy it, seeing as how the Dark Monster is a minion. So technically its position in the Good Vs. Subspace fight is ambiguous. Even though Red’s dark side kind of makes it a bit more towards the evil sid-
Dark Red: They get the point!
Or do they?! (Twilight Zone Music)
Dark Red: I’ll tell you when I think of the answer, but for now I must destroy that ship!
I can wait. For now. Meanwhile…
Mr. L: … And that’s how I single-handedly defeated the intruder!
Petey: …
Ancient Minister: I see… Wait, this radar is detecting the same intruder, a little ways behind us! As well as Agent Dark! They appear to have… fused? Weird.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Bwahahaha! I’m in Super Smash Bros. Brawl! Finally! Now I can get revenge on Mario for getting all the attention, while people keep saying that my games are getting worse!
Ancient Minister: Yes, Agent Hedgehog, we get it!
Sonic: Yes! And I’ll beat all of them! Mario, Wario, and even that Pokemon Trainer!
Ancient Minister: That’s it! I was going to send you to stop those interlopers, but now you’re on potato duty! Again!
Sonic: D’oh! Say, what about that agent you sent at the end of the last chapter?
Ancient Minister: Oh yeah… I wonder where that pod went…
Meanwhile in Hollijolli Village…
Citizen: Dude, this weird pod landed!
Mayor: I see…
The pod opens, and smoke comes out, along with a creature. A Love Bubble comes out.
Mayor: Awww! What a sweet little Love Bubble!
Love Bubble: Will you play with me?
Mayor: Not now, cute monster, I have to do paperwork!
Love Bubble: (demonic voice) THEN DIE!
Mayor and Citizen: 0_0
The Love Bubble turns into a giant Chainless Chomp and breathes fire on both the people with her. She returns to normal.
Love Bubble: Now I’ve got to go find those people who want to stop my master!
… What an evil
little girl. Anyway, what will happen to Red and Agent Dark? What will
Tippi do? Why didn’t our main cast appear in this chapter? Who is this
Love Bubble? Where will the Subspace Army strike next? Will Mr. L give
credit to Petey? How will our protagonists face this new enemy? And will
they face Dark Red? … What, you expect me to know? I’m just told to come
in, narrate, and leave!
Chapter 5: Battle of Thwomp Volcano
A Fire Bro. named Red met Tippi in Subspace, and hitched a ride into the Plit Dimension after a run-in with Mr. L and Petey on the Halberd. However he turned evil, and fused with Agent Dark. And then a Love Bubble was released to attack the stars of this excuse for a story. Oh, and apparently Sonic the Hedgehog is with the Subspace Army.
Fin: … So what are we doing?
Purple (still with the blue shell): We’re going to use this tracker to find the Halberd to get on and destroy all their Subspace Bombs!
Fin: Of course you are.
Purple: Hey! The Tracker’s going off! The Halberd must’ve entered our dimension!
Yux: No, that would be the interdimensional pizza man.
Purple: … Why do you know that?
Yux: Once you’ve had Gloam Valley Pizza, you can never go back.
Purple: …
Fin: Then why did the tracker go off?
Purple: Maybe because it says that Halberd is said to be located on Thwomp Volcano. By the way, Yux, how did you escape that coffin at the end of Shadow Paper Mario 2?
Yux: Oh, there was a gaping hole in the side of the coffin, with a passage leading to the city of the mole people. I still get nightmares about them.
Everyone: O.O
There…
Ancient Minister: So the R. O. B. Squad will plant the Subspace Bomb inside the volcano, so no one will see it. You, Petey, and Bubble will stop the intruders.
Mr. L: Got it.
At the base…
Purple: Okay, here we are.
Mr. L, Petey, and Bubble land in front of the stars.
Yux: You!
Fin: Shut up, Yux… You!
Yux: … I hate you all.
Mr. L: Look! Candy!
Everyone looks away, and Mr. L slidekicks Purple away.
Referee Primid: Aaaaand, fight!
Mr. L and Petey jump away, but P.T. and Fin follow.
Yux: Awwww.
Bubble: … DIE!
Yux: …
Bubble turns into that Chomp form and chases Yux around the mountain. Meanwhile, Fin keeps trying to ram into Mr. L, but the brainwashed Luigi keeps jumping around, only to get hit with P.T.’s Golden Hammer. Mr. L jumps on P.T., and Yux flies through in a hurry, hitting both P.T. and Mr. L, followed by Bubble. Recovering before Mr. L, P.T. throws a boomerang at him, and then Fin super jump punches him. Then a blue shell, out of nowhere, hits Mr. L, knocking him to the ground. Purple comes out! Petey appears and head slams Fin, but Purple slashes at Petey, who starts spitting cannonballs, but they’re deflected when Purple retreats into his shell. He starts shooting at P.T., but he hammers them in random directions, one of them hitting Yux. Bubble comes, but Yux produces a force field that knocks her away, then he breathes fire on her, and gets hit with a cage by Petey, becoming trapped in it.
Yux: I hate you all!
Mr. L then shows up, grabs the cage, and smashes it against the ground, but Yux then spits fire at Mr. L, causing him to freak out. While still holding the cage, he goes up to a floating rock that looks like a Thwomp, jump onto it, and waits for Fin to run by while being chased by Bubble. He throws the cage at Fin, and Bubble attacks Fin and the caged Yux. But Purple slides through, knocking all four into the air. Petey flies by and cages Fin, and P.T. grabs Yux’s cage.
Yux: I have a bad feeling.
P.T.: Shut up, Yux.
P.T. and Petey have a cage fight (as in they use the cages as weapons), and the cages break. Purple shells Petey in the back, knocking him over, but Mr. L falls from the sky onto the shell. Bubble tries to attack Fin, but Fin uses Yux as a human shield. I mean a Yux shield. P.T. then uses the Golden Hammer like a bat and sends Bubble flying. Petey appears and tries to eat P.T., but Yux breathes fire into his mouth. Petey and Fin land on the ground, and Fin dashes into Petey, knocking him on his back, and then ground pounds on his navel. Petey spits out a cannonball, which P.T. hammers at Mr. L. It keeps bouncing off Mr. L, so P.T. keeps hammering it at him. Bubble appears and eats the cannonball, then heals Mr. L. She then flies around P.T., and P.T. keeps failing to hammer her. She hits him, but then Fin Super Jump Punches her and kicks her into Mr. L, knocking him far into the distance.
Mr. L: Owie… I guess I should summon… SUPER MEGA BROBOT!
Super Mega Brobot appears. He looks exactly like Brobot L-Type. Mr. L hops in and flies away. Meanwhile…
Dark Red: So there’s Thwomp Volcano! Time for some Game Overs!
OVER: What?
Dark Red: Not now.
OVER: I’m always left behind. *sniff*
OVER turns into Torpedo Girl and flies away. That reminds me, where did Torpedo Ted go when Larry’s Adventure ended?
Torpedo Ted: And here I thought these Spear Guys would eat me! But instead they put me in a hot tub with all these vegetables to make me grow big and strong! I should tell everyone about this place!
That won’t end well. Back on the volcano…
SMB (Super Mega Brobot, I’m aware of the Super Mario Bros. pun) is chasing after Purple in his shell while holding onto Yux in its hand.
Yux: Why do the bad things happen to me?!
While sliding, Purple’s arm sticks out of the shell and uses an axe as if it were a paddle and the ground were water, and moves faster. The hand retreats and the shell goes around a sleeping Thwack Totem, and goes right through SMB.
Mr. L: AUGH! MY DEAR METAL BRO! Launching missiles!
A missile is launched and it starts following P.T. and Fin, but they jump over it. Fin grabs it and throws it back, but SMB throws Yux at it. He launches his mustache blade at the two, and it hits P.T. and Fin.
Fin: Good thing I stole these!
He uses Mushroom Drops to heal himself, P.T., and Yux. SMB comes, but P.T. jumps and hammers his way into the cockpit.
P.T.: Wow, nice place! Wait, why haven’t I got any lines until now?! I wanna sue!
So…
Judge: Sorry, but Sue is visiting her dentist right now.
P.T.: NOOOO!!!!111!!!!11!ONEONE!!1ONE!
Back at Thwomp Volcano…
P.T. grabs Mr. L and hammers him out of the cockpit, then Fin jumps in and presses every button. Mr. L and Yux both receive a beating from SMB.
Yux: Why’s everyone attacking me?! I wanna sue, too!
So…
Judge: I’m sorry, but Sue is still at the dentist’s office. You know, that place is ten minutes away, and she was in the middle of her treatment when that last guy came, so I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t magically be done, let alone here!
Yux: I hate you all!
At Thwomp Volcano again…
Mr. L and Yux are having a fight, and then Purple shells into Mr. L and then comes out. He axes Mr. L a lot, and then Yux breathes fire on Mr. L. Mr. L falls over.
Purple: I guess you were wrong when you said we were pathetic!
Mr. L: DAD, end my game now!
DAD: Sounds like fun! But I’m busy.
Petey then falls on top of Mr. L, as does Bubble. Fin and P.T. appear.
P.T.: Wow, watching Super Mario Bros. Z is working wonders for my fight scenes!
Mr. L: I hate my save file…
Ancient Minister: Oh my DAD! What just happened?!
Purple: We defeated your minions!
Dark Red then shows up.
Ancient Minister: Agent Dark, you really have fused with that Fire Bro!
Dark Red: Shut up!
Ancient Minister: I don’t think so! I’m still at least half the boss of you!
Dark Red: Half the boss of this!
Dark Red focuses his energy, and two Thwomps rise from the ground and smash into each other, with the Minister in the way, ending his game!
Dark Red: Bwahahaha!
Purple, Yux, P.T., and Fin: OH MY DAD!
Dark Red: Shut up! Now you’re next!
OH NOEZ! Dark
Red is really strong! That, or I was getting tired of the Minister. What
will become of Torpedo Ted? Or Mr. L, Petey, and Bubble? Has everyone forgotten
the Subspace Bomb?! Why did I forget to work in the Randomizer? What will
happen next? Good thing I’m doing three chapters a page now!
Chapter 6: Dark Red
Purple, Yux, P.T., and Fin followed the Halberd to Thwomp Volcano. They had an epic battle against Mr. L, Petey Piranha, and Bubble the love bubble. After beating them badly and somehow ignoring all their wounds, Dark Red showed up and ended the Ancient Minister’s game. Our heroes are next! What will happen now?
Dark Red: GAME OVER!
Dark Red immediately starts spitting fire that hits all the heroes, but Mr. L jumps on Dark Red, then kicks him into one of the Thwomps.
Dark Red: Fine, I’ll take on all of you at once!
Chuck Norris appears and gets ready to roundhouse kick Dark Red.
Dark Red: WOAHWOAHWOAH! Not Chuck Norris, we all know who’d win then.
Chuck Norris leaves. Or rather, Thwomp Volcano leaves him. Either way, he’s not with the focus of the story right now.
P.T.: Wait, we just came out of an epic battle! We’ll be all tired and wounded!
Dark Red: Oh, don’t worry, you’re all automatically healed, like in the Mario and Luigi games. NOW DIE!
Dark Red leaps up to the summit, and everyone follows. Inside the volcano, Dark Red lands, as does everyone else. Dark Red spits a fireball, scattering everyone. He and Purple then suddenly get into a shell fight. Purple gains the advantage when Petey eats Dark Red’s shell. But then Petey explodes!
P.T.: DEAR SWEET DAD JR! HE KILLED OFF ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS!
Yux: When he went to the Underwhere in the prequel, you didn’t care.
P.T.: Shut up, Yux.
After the explosion clears, a flaming shell is spinning. It’s Dark Red! He slides into an unaware Purple, and knocks him into Bubble. Bubble flies up and tries to slam into him, but as she charges, Dark Red charges up a fireball and spits it at her, knocking her sky high. He somehow manages to jump all the way up to her and gives her a beating, breathes a big stream of fire, and kicks her back down to the volcano, making a crater in the side! What has this guy been eating?!
Dark Red: It’s a Dragon Ball Z-ish fight! So of course we’ll all have extreme power!
Oh. Silly me! Trix are for kids! Bubble lands hard. Unfortunately, it’s in the lava.
Bubble: NOO! I’m too lovable to die! And I only just appeared!
Mr. L: Aw cripes, I’m the only one left alive!
Sonic: What about me?
Mr. L grabs Sonic and throws him at Dark Red, but Dark Red grabs him and throws him back to Mobius. When he lands, he practically buries Mr. L with fireballs until Fin rams into him, but he forgot the spikes on the back of his shell, so Fin falls over in pain.
Fin: Oh man, how could I be so stupid?!
Yux: You were born that way.
Purple shells into Dark Red, knocking him over, and Mr. L summons SMB.
Mr. L: Take a look at this bad boy who somehow got fully repaired! You’ll be sorry now!
Mr. L gets in, but nothing happens when he presses a button.
Mr. L: Dang it! The extension cord must’ve become unplugged! Why didn’t I go wireless?!
Dark Red breathes so much fire, that SMB melts! He then grabs Mr. L, and uses him like a hammer to strike Purple. But Purple ducks into his shell. But the force of Mr. L’s impact causes the shell to break!
Purple: Ow! Okay, you are WAY too overpowered!
P.T.: Hey Dark Red, you stink, you’re a failure, and even Ugly Betty thinks you’re ugly!
P.T. throws Yux.
P.T.: And that’s what he wanted me to say!
Dark Red takes Mr. L’s bandana and ties it around both his and Purple’s throats, making them living nun-chuks. He uses them to hurt Yux.
P.T.: … I’m just going to lie down.
Dark Red: Oh no you’re not!
He savagely beats P.T. Yet somehow everyone’s still conscious. And suddenly, the Subspace Bomb goes off!
Purple: Oh no!
Yux: Oh no!
P.T.: Oh no!
Fin: Oh no!
Kool-Aid Man then bursts through the wall.
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah!
Mr. L: We’ve spent so much time fighting, we forgot about the Subspace Bomb! And how are we still breathing if my bandana is around our throats?
Dark Red: It’s a loose tie.
Fin: Yux! Use your only redeeming feature!
Yux: My singing skills?
Fin: Singing? I thought you stubbed your nonexistent toe and you were in pain.
Yux: … I hate you all.
Purple: We’re being drawn in! Just use the Randomizer!
Yux: Okay! Randomize!
He glows and stops.
Yux: The good news is…
Petey Piranha rises up from the lava.
Petey: I’m alive! And I can talk again! And I’m not brainwashed anymore!
He flies away.
Mr. L: … Oh my DAD, where am I? And why am I dressed like a Hamburglar rip-off?
And the Subspace Bomb stops.
Fin: This is pretty sweet news! I’m going to assume the bad news is that the volcano will erupt and something bad will happen due to that.
Yux: Dang, now I can’t say that! How’d you know?
Fin: If ANYONE, in ANY STORY goes to ANY GIVEN VOLCANO, there WILL be an eruption.
P.T.: It’s pretty basic.
Purple: But what about in Super Mario RPG?
P.T.: That game was a myth. None of that happened, and none of the Smithy Gang actually existed!
Purple: … But we killed the Smithy Gang in the earlier chapters of the prequel!
P.T.: Really? I thought they were odd hillbillies trying to find their way home. Who knew?
The volcano erupts! Fortunately, the heroes and the newly reawakened Luigi were on a Thwomp when it happened. Dark Red wasn’t so lucky. They land in Gritzy Desert, in that area with the cannon, thus filling the gap.
Purple: That was weird. Hey! This means we’re rid of the Subspace Army! We did it! Let’s go visit Gadd!
Luigi: Can I come with you? I don’t have a lot going on.
Purple: Fine. This story’s main cast needs an official character, anyway.
Luigi spins around real fast and is in his normal suit again!
LUIGI JOINED THE PARTY!
Hey, I’m the narrator!
KILLJOY.
Anyway, they make it back to Gadd.
Gadd: Well you fellers certainly know how to fight! Unfortunately, the Subspace Army’s damage is still unfixed.
Luigi: Is there any way we can fix it?
Gadd: Well, the only possible way is to take a Subspace Bomb and set it off in Subspace, undoing everything. But there’s no way to get into Subspace. The Halberd was destroyed in the eruption, with everyone on it!
Purple: If only we could somehow find a way to travel through dimensions.
Tippi appears!
Tippi: Hi! I’m- Hi, Luigi!
Luigi: Hi, Tippi!
P.T.: Hi, butterfly thingy!
Tippi: … Who are you?
P.T.: I was in (Not So) Super Paper Mario! I worked for that creepy guy with the hat!
Tippi: I don’t recall. And that “creepy guy” is my husband… Anyway, I was with my friend, Merlon, and he said that you’d all need help getting to Subspace.
Fin: Yeah! How do we do it!
Tippi: If I flip us all there, you’d all become bad guys.
Luigi: I remember now! I was in Marrymore, trying a new cooking job, and a bomb went off! I escaped, but there was a tiny wormhole left behind. I went through, and the next thing I know, I was with you people!
Purple: There were targets before Mushroom City? Anyway, I assume that if someone goes through the dimensions willy-nilly, they turn from good to evil?
Tippi: Yes.
Gadd: I think I can find a way to tinker with the Time Machine so you can use it to travel through that wormhole. And I can also set it up to explode like a Subspace Bomb. But you’d have to get a safe distance away.
Fin: Won’t we be trapped in Subspace?
Gadd: No, it’ll go off and you’ll all be brought back to our world.
Yux: And what do we do?
Gadd: You think I can do this on my own?! I’m going to need help! Now anyone who isn’t an idiot, step forward.
Everyone but P.T. steps forward.
Gadd: In that case, you all work. The other guy has to sit in the corner and be bored.
Everyone: D’oh!
So the task of messing with the Time Machine begins! Will it work? Will P.T. be remembered? Will Shade ever recover? Will Petey return? Will the adventure finally be over when the Subspace Bombs’ effects are undone? Did Dark Red survive? I answer to all of that, Maybe!