Chapter 16: Gateway to Gates’s Destruction
Our protagonists survived their six-day trip in the Excess Express, featuring flashbacks, explosions, Mudkips, and Master Chief. And now they’re finally at Bill Gates’s house, ready to defeat him. Will his richness be too much for them? Or will good triumph over evil? Then again are our guys necessarily “good”? And is Bill Gates really all that bad? Oh well.
Fin: “Days of our Excess”, “Gateway to Gates’s Destruction”, where are all these odd chapter names coming from?
Purple: I don’t know.
Rufus: I think the use of the word “gateway” in this chapter’s title was just a joke off of Bill Gates’s last name.
P.T.: It was.
They head to the front gates.
Intercom: Yes, who is this?
Purple: We’re Axem Purple, P.T. Piranha, Fin, Luigi Mario, and Rufus. Oh and Yux.
Yux: Hey!
Intercom: Yes, Master Bill was expecting you.
The gates open and they head to the front door of the mansion. The door opens.
Fin: Ooh, he has a door opener!
Rufus: No, he’s so rich he bought automatic doors.
Yux: Look, an automatic map!
Luigi: Shut up, Yux. Look, an automatic map!
Yux: I hate you all.
They head to a computerized map.
Purple: Hmm. We’re in the foyer, and Bill Gates is in the Money Pool Area.
They follow the map and find Bill Gates going off a diving board into a pool of dollars.
Purple: Um, Bill Gates?
Bill: Huh?
He gets out of the pool.
Bill: Hi! Bill Gates expected you!
Fin: I thought you were Bill Gates.
Bill: Yes.
Fin: But you’re talking like you’re not?
Bill: Bill confused.
Everyone: …
P.T.: This is almost as awkward as all those times that the main family from “The Riches” kept trying to takeover my life.
Husband/Father from “The Riches”: Come on, let us takeover your life and pretend to be you!
P.T.: No, I’m not dead yet! Come back later!
He leaves.
Yux: You lead a weird life when you’re not in a submission, don’t you?
Bill: Why are you guys visiting Bill?
Purple: Well, uh, we’re here to kill you.
Bill: What?! Kill Bill?!
P.T.: That’s what we should’ve named the chapter!
Bill: BILL MAD! EVIL VISITORS KILL MASTER CHIEF, BREAK INTO HOUSE, NOW THEY WANT KILL BILL! BUT BILL MAKE THEM PAY!
Rufus: Is it me or is his grammar getting worse?
Bill: MICROSOFT POWER!
Suddenly, a bunch of computers, X-Boxes, and X-Box 360’s start flying up to Bill, covering him until he turns into a giant fighting robot.
Robot: BILL GATES BOT!
Purple: …
Yux: See what you do?!
Purple: … Shut up, Yux.
Billbot raises up an arm cannon and it starts shooting green X’s at the heroes.
Fin: Scatter!
Everyone starts running around in random directions. Billbot turns and shoots eye lasers at a wall, leading to the Hall of Letters. Billbot is in there now, searching for any heroes. He passes by Yux, who is pretending to be a capital letter Y. Yux then breathes fire on Billbot, but Billbot turns around and shoots a beam from the Windows emblem on his chest. Suddenly, Yux is smaller, has a grayish tint, and is on a small base. He’s been turned into a trophy! Billbot takes him. Meanwhile…
Luigi: What are you doing?
Fin: Hello? Treasure vault! Bill Gates’s house! Me being a Bandit! Ring any bells?
Luigi: Oh.
Suddenly, a tiny, mechanical bird comes up to Fin.
Fin: Ooh, I think I’ll pocket that.
He puts it in his pocket, and then it blows up, sending Fin up so his head goes through the ceiling.
Luigi: Who did that?
Suddenly a bear with yellow shorts and a blue backpack enters.
Bear: Bwahaha! You fell for our Clockwork-Kazooie Egg!
Luigi: Banjo! But why?! You were a Nintendo hero for a time!
Banjo: I know not of this “Nintendo”! Now there is only Microsoft! Buh-huh!
Luigi: Oh… AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Luigi runs down the hall like a little girl. Kazooie pops up out of the backpack and sticks her feet out the backpack’s bottom, and runs so now she’s basically carrying Banjo at a quick pace to follow Luigi. Meanwhile Billbot walks in and sees Fin in the ceiling.
Fin: Hello?
Billbot: NO ONE TAKE BILLBOT’S TREASURE!
He shoots another laser that turns Fin into a trophy, and he falls to the ground and is captured as well. Meanwhile in another hallway, P.T. comes out of the bathroom.
P.T.: I shouldn’t have had that last root beer.
Luigi runs into P.T. and they both fall over. Banjo and Kazooie catch up.
Banjo: DIE!
P.T.: Luigi Whack!
P.T. picks up Luigi by his feet, and smacks Banjo with him. Banjo pulls out Kazooie and tries to smack P.T. with her, but the two end up having a sword fight that has them using their partners as their swords. Suddenly, P.T. sees a large beam heading their way.
P.T.: Uh oh.
P.T. ducks, but the bear and bird don’t see the beam, and are turned into trophies.
P.T.: Ha ha!
Luigi: We gotta get out of here, Bill’s about to hit us with another-
Luigi is hit and turns into a trophy.
P.T.: Yikes!
P.T. runs off. Meanwhile, Rufus and Purple are in a hallway and find a locked door.
Rufus: Let’s hide in here!
Rufus kicks a hole in the door, reaches through, and unlocks it from the inside, and they enter.
Purple: I’m turning on a light.
They turn a light on to find statues of every video game star known to man, excluding Mario, Luigi, Bowser, and any Microsoft video game stars.
Rufus: What is this place?!
Purple: The trophy room. Ha, it’s kind of funny since they’re all literally trophies.
Rufus: Why aren’t Mario, Luigi, or Bowser here?
Purple: Mario’s off on a tennis tour after recovering from his disease mentioned earlier, Luigi is with us, and Bowser died.
P.T.: Hey, guys.
Billbot: BILL FIND YOU!
Purple, Rufus, and P.T.: AAAHHH!
P.T.: Watch out, he can turn you into a-
P.T. is turned into a trophy. A living sack of money takes the trophy as well as the other trophies from Billbot and places them in special reserved spots. Luigi goes in a special spot near the most special spot since he’s a video game star.
Rufus: *gulp*
Purple: I have an idea!
Purple sticks his axe out and rushes forward, slashing the living sack of money in half.
Sack of Money: FATHER!
Money spills everywhere.
Billbot: NO!
Billbot’s mouth opens and he sucks up all the dollar bills and grows bigger.
Rufus: Way to go, genius! Now let me try. STAMPEDE!
Rufus points his finger forward and Yoshis appear out of thin air, but Billbot shoots eye lasers that turn them into dollars and cents shaped like Yoshis, and they lose their form and spill to the ground. He keeps sucking the money up and growing.
Purple: Now who’s the genius?
Billbot: BILL CONFUSED! TURN BULLIES INTO MONEY, OR TROPHIES?
Purple: Uh, SNEAK ATTACK!
Purple charges by and slices through Billbot’s leg. The leg explodes but another appears in its place.
Billbot: BILLBOT RICH! BILLBOT BUY INVINCIBLE ROBOT FORM!
Rufus: We’re done for-
Billbot turns Rufus into a trophy and takes him. Purple runs away.
Billbot: HA! BILLBOT HAVE SENSORS BUILT IN! BILLBOT FIND BULLY!
Billbot leaves the room, then Purple jumps down on him.
Purple: Revenge!
He unscrews Billbot’s head, and hops inside.
Purple: Okay, let’s see. I’ll take this, and what’s this?
He finds an off button and presses it.
Voice: Self-destruct in 5, 4-
Purple: Uh oh.
Purple escapes with Rufus’s trophy and Billbot’s body explodes! His head explodes too. Also all the trophies turn back to normal. The ones of his party members (minus Luigi) walk in, since their spots were only right next to the doorway.
Yux: What happened?
Purple: I saved you all!
Fin goes over to Bill Gates’s remains and finds a cell phone. He opens it out of curiosity.
Fin: Guys! Guess what!
Everyone else, minus Luigi: What?
Fin: Larry the Cable Guy was in Bill’s top 5! Oh, and so are the members of the Bowling Team of Doom, excluding Bill.
P.T.: Who are they?
Fin: Hmm… The last two are Waluigi and MC Ballyhoo. I could’ve sworn he was a good guy. I have a question, Purple. When most of us were trophies, why didn’t you just tap our bases?
Purple: Oops.
Rufus: I say we go for Waluigi first since he’s a wimp. LUIGI! COME ON! IT’S TIME TO GO!
Luigi: Coming. Where to?
Yux: Waluigi’s Island.
Luigi: Shut up, Yux.
Fin: Waluigi’s Island.
Luigi: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Chapter 17: Pinball Peril
Our heroes made it to Bill Gates’s house, but then they got on Bill’s bad side, so he became a giant robot called Bill Gates-Tron, or Billbot for short. He terrorized his own house and almost stopped our heroes, but Purple’s quick thinking saved the day. And they found out the final members of the Bowling Team of Doom: Waluigi and MC Ballyhoo. They must now find a way to reach Waluigi.
Our heroes are still at the site of Bill Gates’s death.
Yux: So how do we get to Waluigi’s Island from here? It’ll take at least six days to get there if we go back on the train!
Fin: We just had a one-way ticket.
Yux: Well I didn’t Randomize in the last chapter, so I can do it now. Of course this’ll mean that the bad news will be worse than usual.
Luigi: What could possibly be worse than anything we’ve gone through?
Yux: I don’t know. RANDOMIZE!
He glows, then stops.
Yux: Good news is…
They’re suddenly warped to the outside of Gadd’s lab.
Yux: That saves us some time. Oh, and the bad news will be delayed so it’ll really bite us in the butt when it shows up. And it’ll be twice as bad.
Purple: Oh my… Well, let’s head to the docks.
At Toad Town Docks, they find that the Tuna isn’t there.
Tuna (somewhere): WHALE!
Rufus: Now what?
P.T.: I know! There’s a rocket in the Space Ju-
Yux uses Mini Yuxes to pin P.T. to a wall.
Yux: If you suggest that one more time…!
Charold: Hey guys, need a lift?
Purple: Who are you?
Charold: I used to row the boat across the River Twygz. But I was fired after Jaydes found out I lied to people about my rides.
FLASHBACK!
During the prequel, Larry, Petey Piranha, King Boo, and Shade (as a Shayde) are in the Underwhere, trying to meet P.T., Purple, and Torpedo Ted in the Overthere.
Charold: Free ride across the River Twygz! Only four coins!
King Boo: You said it was free!
Charold: I lied!
King Boo pushes him into the water.
FLASHBACK OVER!
Purple: Okay, how much?
Charold: What do you have?
Rufus gives him Yux’s eye patch.
Yux: That’s mine!
Rufus: Shut up, Yux.
Charold: Hop on, kiddies!
Luigi: We’re all adults.
Charold: When you’re as old as I am, everyone’s a child to you.
So they get on his boat and he rows them across the ocean. It’s a long and boring trip, so we’ll skip straight to Waluigi’s Island.
Charold: Here we are. I’ll be waiting for you to come back.
They get off the boat but can’t leave the dock area. Instead, Tumble appears.
Tumble: You have to pick four of you to go!
Purple: Okay… Me, Fin, P.T., and…
Luigi: Me! Waluigi is my archenemy along with King Boo, Dimentio, the Shroobs, Cackletta, Bowser, Bowser Jr., and Wart!
Purple: Fine…
Now dice blocks appear over the characters’ heads.
Purple: Oh forget this!
The heroes (all of them, not just the four picked) walk along the path in an attempt to find Waluigi. Meanwhile in a golden throne room (decorated with Wario things), Waluigi is looking through one of those things in submarines that let you see above the surface, only made of gold.
Waluigi: Drat! When I was pretending to be a random background character in Chapter 3, I didn’t know they realized I was checking on a teammate’s progress!
Wario is dressed in his WarioWare costume.
Wario: I’m gonna go be in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I’ll call you if I need you to be an AT.
Wario leaves.
Waluigi: Heh, heh, heh. While Wario’s away, Waluigi shall play!
Meanwhile, the characters are trying to locate Waluigi.
Luigi: Guys, my Vendetta Senses are tingling. I think he’s in that Wario-themed castle up on the hill over there.
Purple: Okay.
They head for the hill.
Waluigi: I don’t think so!
He presses a button and they fall into an underground metallic maze with lots of lights and stuff.
Waluigi (on an intercom): Welcome to my island, slicks! As you can see, I’m afraid I can’t just let you waltz up to my brother’s castle and defeat me! So you must brave my pinball machine maze! Actually I just took Waluigi Pinball but remodeled it.
Fin: But I don’t wanna brave your maze!
Waluigi: Too bad! In the center is a pipe that’ll take you to me, but there are four keys needed to unlock it. Good luck! Oh, and watch out for the giant, iron ball! Did I mention it has a tracking device so it’ll follow you?
Purple hits himself in the forehead.
Purple: Why can’t taking down the Bowling Team of Doom be easy?
P.T.: What ball?
A giant pinball lands.
Yux: Uh oh, here’s the bad news! Or at least the first part of the bad news!
The ball doubles in size!
Fin: Scatter!
Everyone splits up. Of course the ball takes a liking to Yux.
Yux: I hate you all!
This leaves the others enough time to group up somewhere else.
Purple: Okay, every force in the world seems to hate Yux, so his death might give us enough time to look for the four keys. I’ll go look for one in the northeast area. Fin, you look in the southwest. Luigi, you look in the northwest. Rufus and P.T., look in the southeast. BREAK!
Everyone splits up to find the keys in their designated areas. Meanwhile, Waluigi is watching on some monitors.
Waluigi: Grr!
He pulls a chain, which drops more balls into the maze. In the maze, Purple is running up a ramp to get to a treasure chest on top, but suddenly a giant ball drops and starts rolling down.
Purple: Oh no!
Purple runs down and goes along a path, but then a cardboard Piranha Plant pops up and blocks his path.
Purple: I’m doomed! … Wait!
Purple chops it in half and gets through. The ball bounces off the remains and goes in some other direction. Purple goes back for the purple key and grabs it. Meanwhile far south, P.T. and Rufus are looking for their key.
P.T.: Yoshi guy?
Rufus: Not now!
P.T.: But-
Rufus: NO!
P.T.: Fine.
Rufus keeps walking around and gets flattened by a wall and dies a Pikmin death. Fortunately a 1-Up Mushroom kicks in.
Rufus: … Not a word!
With the ball out of the way, they head to the chest and get the key. To the west, Fin is successfully avoiding balls, being a thief. Since he’s bad at thieving, he’s only barely dodging them, though. He gets to the chest and opens it and takes the key. And up north, Luigi is driven by his hate for Waluigi to avoid balls with perfection. He’s jumping over them and hitting them with his hammer and then takes the key from the chest. Soon, the five meet in the middle. Then Yux gets to the middle.
Purple: Yux, I didn’t expect you to still be alive, to be honest.
Yux: … I hate you all.
They unlock the center area and find a purple warp pipe. They hop in and pop out in the throne room, and look over to find Waluigi next to the monitors in one corner.
Waluigi: Oh, so you made it already? Well enough!
Yux: GAH! Here’s the rest of the bad news!
Waluigi’s eyes start glowing white and he gets a purple glow around his whole body! His overalls turn metal, his gloves become metal, and he has super strength, super speed, and (purple) fiery breath.
Rufus: I’M GOING BACK!
Rufus tries to head for the exit, but Waluigi zips over and rams into him, knocking him into a wall and knocking him out.
Purple: Okay, he’s gonna whoop us, so we have to find some way to weaken him! Yux, Randomize again!
Yux: But I can’t!
Purple: Yes you can! P.T.!
P.T.: Okay.
P.T. grabs Yux and wrings some white juice out of him. Purple cups it in his hands.
Purple: RANDOMIZE!
He glows and stops.
Purple: The good news is that history has changed so now Yux did Randomize in the last chapter, good news being we beat Bill slightly sooner but we all got turned into trophies so now the extra bad news is gone, so Waluigi isn’t ultra-powerful.
Everyone: 0_0
Purple: And now the bad news is that due to the immense paradoxes and the fact we used the Randomizer more than once (sort of), we can’t use it until further notice.
Fin: Uh, so what does this mean?
Purple: Waluigi is weakened to his normal self and we can’t use the Randomizer until whenever.
P.T.: Great, so now Yux is just a waste of space!
Yux: Hey… Oh, who am I kidding?
Waluigi: Oh no! Uh, have some bombs!
Waluigi starts throwing Bob-ombs and they explode so everyone’s frantically running around. Suddenly Rufus wakes up.
Rufus: WOAH! Gaaaaahhh!!!
After small pain, Rufus lays a gold egg that’s very hard. P.T. walks up to him.
P.T.: What’s that?
Rufus: That must be Grubba’s egg.
P.T.: It took you that long to finish him off?!
Rufus: He was powerful! Now…
Rufus throws the egg at Waluigi, knocking him out. He falls to the ground and all the bombs stop.
Fin: What happened?
Rufus: I finally lay Grubba’s egg and hit Waluigi with it, finishing them both off.
Suddenly Waluigi turns into Doopliss!
Everyone: DOOPLISS?!
Doopliss gets up.
Doopliss: Hey, everybody!
Luigi: Are you really part of the Bowling Team of Doom instead of Waluigi?
Doopliss: Huh? Oh no. This guy swindled me so I got revenge by putting him in that closet over there and decided to takeover his life to add on to the pain.
Fin: Why were you trying to stop us?
Doopliss: I was bored.
Luigi: Look, you still have Waluigi cooties on you, so unless you want me to violently end your game, you have to do something to make up for it!
Doopliss: Uh, I’ll join your party?
Luigi: That’s not good enough!
Doopliss: Okay, then I’ll just tell you that Waluigi is in that closet over there. Audios!
Doopliss leaves as P.T. goes over to a closet and opens it to find Waluigi, tied and gagged, flailing around in there.
P.T.: Luigi!
Luigi comes up.
Luigi: Bwahahaha…
Next, Luigi is on a cliff outside and throws the helpless Waluigi into the ocean. The others walk up.
Luigi: That takes care of him!
Purple: Now we
just need to find Gadd!
Chapter 18: The Star Carnival
Our heroes defeated Waluigi, but it was just an imposter. But then they beat him for real after long trials involving losing the ability to Randomize, and Waluigi Pinball. After a long ride back on Charold’s boat, our heroes head to Gadd’s lab.
Purple: Professor, how do we find MC Ballyhoo?
Gadd: Why do you keep coming to me?
Rufus: Because.
Gadd: He’s at the Star Carnival. Now go away, I’m pretending to invent something!
The guys get to the entrance of the Star Carnival. Suddenly, Fin’s phone starts ringing. It’s the Luigi’s Mansion theme!
Luigi: Hey, that sounds like my ring tone- You stole my phone, didn’t you?
Fin answers it. It’s a text message. It’s from Ballyhoo!
Message:
lulz so i herd
you liek mudkipz? N E wai I C U mad it here now C if U can find me as well
as… idk my bff Jill?
Purple: Wow he has NO grasp on proper spelling and punctuation.
Rufus: No, that’s how all text messages are done.
Purple: I just lost some more faith in humanity. Anyway, let’s go in!
They head to the entrance and then a fighter jet swoops down and shoots lasers.
Wolf: Can’t let you do that, Star Heroes!
Leon: Ballyhoo has given us orders to take you down.
Pigma: Luigi! Long time no see!
Andy: Ballyhoo’s enemy is my enemy!
Luigi: (to Andy) Kiss-up! Wait, when did I meet Pigma?
Purple leaps up to Wolf’s Wolfen and slashes the windshield, picks up Wolf, and throws him to the ground. Leon, Pigma, and Andy fearfully leave.
Purple: Now why can’t we “do that”?
Wolf: (weak) Because… of… THAT!
He faints as he points over there.
Fin: Oh no, a random mom!
Rufus: Oh forget it.
Everyone heads into the Star Carnival as Fin is writing at a desk.
Fin: Mommy, can I go to the carnival with my friends?
Mom: As soon as you’re done with your homework!
Fin: *sigh* Yes, Mom…
Inside…
Purple: Okay, everyone split up. We’ll have a better chance of finding him that way.
So they split up. Yux comes to a fishpond and feeds the fish because a random person threatened his life.
???: *gasp!* Nobody feeds the fishes!
??? takes Yux and runs off. Meanwhile, P.T. is in the Ferris wheel with a Koopatrol.
Koopatrol: Bwahaha! You have found me! Marry Goround!
P.T.: Your name’s Marry Goround and you work on a Ferris wheel? Is the roller coaster run by Carol Sell?
Marry Goround: Yes.
P.T.: All right, now I just need one more to win Humorously Named Roller Coaster Manager Bingo!
Marry: What?! I’m trying to win that! Now I shall kill you even harder!
Outside, Fin comes into the Carnival and walks up to the wheel.
Fin: Huh?
P.T.’s voice: So your parents were originally going to name you Cindy?
Marry’s voice: You don’t know the half of it!
The wheel comes to a stop and P.T. comes out, looking torn up.
P.T.: Fin, take care of the goldfish I won. I must go on without him!
He tosses it to Fin and goes back in.
Fin: I wonder how much I can get for this online…
P.T.’s voice: So you’ve been reading this story too?
Marry’s voice: Yeah, I got to the part where Larry and his friends are sent to the Aftergames!
P.T.’s voice: That’s the prequel.
Mary’s voice: Whoops.
The wheel comes to a stop and P.T. comes out, looking torn up.
P.T.: Fin, take care of the goldfish I won. I must go on without him!
He tosses it to Fin and goes back in.
Fin: Didn’t this just happen?
Fin looks and sees no other goldfish in a bag. Inside the wheel, it looks like Marry and P.T. are in space. And P.T. doesn’t look torn up.
Marry: Bwahahaha! Now it’s time for doom!
P.T.: (I have an idea! … So this is what thinking is like.) I haven’t used one of these in ages! Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Time for French Toast!
P.T. spits chewed up French toast at Marry.
Marry: Ew!
The Mega Shell then runs over Marry and the setting returns to normal and P.T. comes out. Meanwhile Purple and Rufus reach a mini-train ride that goes through a tunnel.
Purple: Okay Rufus, you ride the mini-train and see if he’s hiding in the tunnel.
Rufus: Fine, but you owe me!
Rufus gets on the mini-train and rides. When it gets to the tunnel all that comes out is a giant baby.
Purple: What?!
Rufus then walks up to him.
Rufus: What happened?
Purple: Uh, nothing.
Meanwhile Fin is licking a sucker in a spinning cup ride.
Fin: Ah, like taking candy from a baby. Wait, that is what it was. Good thing I stole its tickets too, or I couldn’t ride this!
???: Hello, Fin.
Fin: Gasp! Number 9!
A giant number 9 shows up.
9: Yes, and now you’ll pay for stealing all that stuff from me!
P.T.: Not so fast!
P.T. flips 9 over so he looks like a 6.
9: SIX?! I CAN’T LOOK LIKE A SIX! NOOO!!!
9 faints. Purple and Rufus show up.
Purple: Guys, this place is insane and did you find him? Wait, has anyone seen Luigi and Yux?
Rufus: Well nobody cares about Yux so it doesn’t matter. But I don’t know where Luigi is.
P.T. and Fin: Neither do I. And we didn’t find Ballyhoo. Why are we talking in unison?
Rufus: Oh well. All that’s left is the Haunted House.
Meanwhile, Luigi is in a crowd before a stage and curtains open to reveal a cat on a pedestal.
Cat: Tangerines.
The crowd applauds.
Luigi: This is so stupid.
Regardless of Luigi’s position, they head for the Haunted House.
P.T.: Ooh, this place is really scary! I heard this hour is when the zombies come out!
Purple: Stop it! I’m scared enough!
They come up to a wooden dummy kicking an unconscious Yux.
Fin: No, my money! Now he’ll never repay me! Who are you?
Dummy: I am Dummy Man! By saving money on my design I bought this ability to reflect attacks! And this fool fed the fishes! I hate when people feed animals I hate!
Rufus: Listen, I’m kind of not feeling like fighting yet, so can you tell us how you and Yux got in this situation?
Dummy Man: Fine, let’s see on the big screen on the ceiling.
Everyone looks up as it starts.
P.T.: This won’t be good for my neck.
Flashback/Video!
Dummy Man is dragging Yux into the Haunted House but then Yux breathes fire on Dummy Man and goes behind a bush.
Dummy: Where did you go?!
Yux: (All right, he should be distracted since it’s a big house.)
Yux turns to find a campfire with lots of undead around it, and P.T.
Zombie: All right, so we’ve all agreed that Fred is the new Treasurer.
Boo/Fred: Ha! Today the Order of the Undead, tomorrow Plit, the day after any galaxies visible from the Terrace Dome, and by next week the whole universe! And then all dimensions by the end of the month!
P.T.: Yeah, yippee, whatever. Who brought the chicken? … Hi, Yux.
Yux: Uh, what’s going on?
P.T.: Why, it’s your wedding!
Yux: What?!
Bride: You’re not telling me that you’re having second thoughts, are you?!
Yux: I didn’t even know I had first thoughts!
Fin appears and starts dancing.
Fin:
I just made
a mistake:
I ate most
of the wedding cake!
Please don’t
tell the bride-
Or she will
have my hide!
Dummy Man: I found you!
Yux: I hate you all!
Dry Bones: Best meeting ever!
P.T.: Quick, guys! Everyone fuse together!
Then all the zombies glow and fuse together into a giant robot!
Fin: Aww, I remember when I was feeding him with a bottle!
Zombot (monster): YOU DARE BRING LIGHT INTO MY LAIR?! YOU MUST DIE! Only then will I be able to forgive myself for that day…
Flashback within a flashback!
Zombot is eating in a diner and dips his French fry into his ketchup twice.
Waitress: NO DOUBLE DIPPING!
Zombot: Ahh, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
Flashback over!
P.T.: Yeeah… Come on Fin, it’s time to go.
Fin: Huh? All right.
As they walk out…
Fin: You know, I thought my monster was pretty cool until that whole diner flashback.
FLASHBACK VIDEO OVER!
Purple: Ow my neck!
Dummy Man: Now die!
Rufus: I don’t think so!
Rufus throws an egg at Dummy Man but Dummy Man holds his hand out and it makes a mini void that sucks the egg up. He then holds his foot out and a mini void appears and the egg shoots out of it at Rufus.
Rufus: I hate this guy.
Purple: P.T., distract him.
P.T.: Yes Mom.
P.T. tries to hit Dummy Man with his Golden Hammer but a mini void on Dummy Man’s face sucks it up and comes out near it, hitting P.T. At the same time Purple tries to get Dummy Man in the back with his axe but a similar thing happens, nearly hitting Purple.
Dummy Man: The voids can see for themselves!
Purple and P.T.: Crud!
Dummy: Plus I can also replay other attacks!
He makes more voids and eggs start flying out. As Purple and P.T. frantically dodge, Fin waltzes over and unscrews Dummy Man’s head, stopping all his attacks and Dummy Man’s voids.
Purple: Crud.
Yux: … Huh? What happened?
Robot voice from Dummy Man’s head: Warning, removal of head while mini voids are in play will cause self-destruction of said head. Explosion in 5, 4, 1-
Everyone: What?!
RVFDMH: Just kidding! 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
The head explodes! All that’s left of the Haunted House is a crater. Shockingly, everyone survives.
Purple: … Hey, is everyone here? Wait, where’s Fin?
P.T.: Huh? Oh, I think he said something about the bathroom.
Luigi walks up.
Luigi: What did I miss?
Soon they’re all in front of the bathrooms and they go into the bathroom. P.T. kicks Yux out.
P.T.: Boys only!
Yux: I am a boy!
They go inside and start searching.
MC Ballyhoo: Hey guys, I heard you’re looking for MC Ballyhoo!
P.T.: Yeah, now help us!
Ballyhoo: Okay!
Purple: Wait, aren’t you Ballyhoo?
Ballyhoo: What? I guess I am! Big Top! Activate!
A big glass bubble comes out of the top of Big Top with Fin inside.
Fin: Hey guys!
Purple: Let him go, MC!
Ballyhoo: Never! As the Master of Catastrophes and the last member of the Bowling Team of Doom, I’m afraid you can’t do that!
Wolf: Can’t let you-
Ballyhoo: Get back to your post!
Wolf leaves crying.
Luigi: Why did you join the Bowling Team of Doom?
Ballyhoo: I needed to join a team to show off my bowling skills to my mother. And to get rid of all the pent-up rage!
Rufus: From what?
Ballyhoo: From when people confuse me with Chuck Quizmo! It makes me mad! I can’t stand it! So now…
Big Top aims the glass bubble at Yux and shoots it.
Yux: Ow.
Fin: How did this not break?
Big Top then turns off to the side, leaving only the rim of the hat on Ballyhoo, and a Subspace Bomb appears on it! But the weight causes Ballyhoo to fall over.
Ballyhoo: Like it? Ancient Minister added that ability into Big Top for Big Top’s birthday!
Big Top: I wanted a pony!
Ballyhoo: Now you have nowhere to run while Subspace sucks up this whole area in 60 seconds! How do you feel about being so doomed?
Purple: I don’t know about the rest of us, but I feel like you can’t top yourself with any more stupidity.
Ballyhoo: Huh?
Luigi: Yeah, we’re just gonna see ourselves out while you stay here stuck to your bomb.
Ballyhoo: Oh no! I never got to see Paris!
Rufus: France?
Ballyhoo: No, Hilton!
Paris Hilton: That’s hot.
Rufus: Leave.
She does and everyone grabs Fin in his glass bubble and runs out. A few seconds before the explosion…
Ballyhoo: Wait, I can just take off the hat!
Big Top: Some friend you are!
Ballyhoo slides his head out from under the hat/bomb and runs off, but doesn’t even make it out of the bathroom before the whole place is engulfed in Subspace. The heroes are on a cliff, watching.
Purple: That was possibly the stupidest mini-quest yet.
Luigi: At least now the Bowling Team of Doom is finally finished! Now what?
Then an escape pod of some sort crashes behind them! They turn to see…
Heroes: PRINCESS SHROOB!
Read on! That was long…