Ahhh yessssss... It is a vast and varied world that Mario and his friends live in.
It is even more wacky on Bowser's side of the planet.
Let's observe
these two people as they start to adjust to life in the Kastle: Dry K.
Bones and K.K, AKA Koopa Kid...
It began with a newspaper. It was talking about how taxes had gone wayyyyy up, thanks to Bowser's new army food fund.
"AUGH! Boogee, if you hadn't ruined my job at the game company, I would be able to pay the bills!" a Dry Bones wearing a blue hat hissed at his roommate, a Boo also wearing a hat.
Boogee, not looking up from his crossword puzzle, started brainstorming with his other roommate, Zappot, a brown Lantern Ghost.
"Hmmm... What is the name of the gender opposite from male?" Boogee was obviously not that intelligent.
"I know! DRY K. BONES!" Zappot laughed in a high-pitched, hyena kind of laugh that echoed in one’s brain. Both goofballs started cackling while Dry angrily got up and left.
"Imbeciles! Why do we live together, again? Ugh. I need a job baaaadddlllyyyy... I'm a writer, but I've never even written a book!" he muttered, nervous about his situation.
He sat down at his typewriter and started reading the help wanted ads in the paper again.
There wasn't much. There was a need of construction workers, but Dry was particularly flimsy and frail. A clerk? He wouldn't be reduced to THAT. Well, maybe he should...
A small ad placed in the corner caught his eye.
HELP WANTED!
Janitors at Kastle koopa! 3 needed to cover entire castle! Will pay fairly high, and will give a free apartment!
Dry didn't like it, but glanced around his room.
It was whitewashed, cracked, and falling apart. In fact, the whole house was falling apart.
A new apartment might be good, and janitorial duties weren't that hard. It also said there would be a head custodian, too, so he'd be able to learn anything he didn't know.
Reluctant, but eager at the same time, Dry got up from his seat and went to his bicycle.
~
Koopa Kid stared at the many, many board games he had constructed. Boredom was a fantastic motivator, but ran out quickly.
Koopa Kid decided that he would tell somebody about his 100th created game. He wanted a celebration BADLY. Ever since his friend, Morton, had gotten ill with a fever, visits had become less frequent.
Dashing out to the halls, K.K. looked around... but stopped.
The halls were dusty and bare.
Emptiness and isolation rang throughout this barren section of castle.
Oh yeah, he lived in a boarded up area of the Castle, instead of the top part where his siblings lived.
Sighing, K.K. walked into his room...
...and stormed out again.
His sadness was completely overwhelmed by anger. Curse his father, for putting him in this empty space!
He tore right through the wooden barricade that blocked him and finally saw something he'd longed for most of his life...
... More nothing?
It was night, he could see through a wide window. Nobody would be up. Oh well. That wouldn't stop him from confronting his parents.
He heard a faint dragging sound nearby. He'd never heard of a nightkeeper. He ran, a slight tinge of fear adding to his anger. He walked straight up to the throne room, ignoring the snoozing Koopatrols, and pushed the door open.
Why did Bowser have the door to the Master Bedroom right by the throne? Who knows?
K.K. walked in and pounded loudly with his fist on the wall.
"WHAZZAT?" The hulking figure that was slumped over a book in a recliner snapped to attention and glanced around. Bowser's eyes suddenly settled on K.K.
"Eh? K.K? You're… uh... up late... and out of your room... and disturbing my rest…" he said drowsily, not sure why his son had popped up. Maybe it was a dream?
"DAD! KING DAD, whatever! I'm too angry to remember! Why do I have to live in the evacuated section of the castle? I'm completely separated from my siblings, my minions, and civilization itself!" K.K. ranted, trying his best to make his red coloring trick come out.
"But-"
"NO, DAD! LISTEN! I'm always so ignored! I only get to appear in a MARIO PARTY every now and then-"
"Son-"
"LET ME FINISH! I know that I LIKE the Mario Parties, but maybe I want to be in a game with Morton and Ludwig, or something, ya know?"
"SON!" Bowser barked, getting impatient with his son's overreacting. "I never knew that you hated that stuff. If ya woulda told me, I would have changed your rooms. Sure, you can move into the room next to Iggy's tomorrow."
A long silence stretched between K.K. and King Koopa.
"… Wait... So that means... all I had to do was..." K.K. seemed to have trouble grasping what he had just heard.
"Ask. All you had to do was ask."
"... Sooooo... I can leave the abandoned quadrant tomorrow?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"... I think I need some rest."
"You probably do."
Koopa Kid, bewildered by the fact that he had made all that build-up when he didn't need it, put his hand to his forehead to see if he had a fever, then walked off to his soon-to-be-old room.
~
Change was in the air as K.K. walked into the crowded hallways of the place where he would now be living.
He'd never seen so many minions in a place at once, so he bumped into them often. Behind him were Magikoopas, including the hardly working Kammy, carrying crates stacked upon crates.
The minions muttered things about how life was unfair, but Koopa Kid didn't pay attention.
He kicked down the door that led to his new room and looked around, smiling.
It was blue in color, and very spacious. A closet was in a corner, and he felt a sense of nostalgia around it.
It seemed almost identical to his last room! Shrugging it off as a coincidence, he let the Magikoopas put the crates down, then he started unpacking with their help.
Once he finally had everything set up, he immediately left, not wanting to make more board games or play them.
He bumped into more people, before finally finding the group he wanted to talk to.
"HEY, SIBLINGS!" he called out and waved as he stomped up to Lemmy and Iggy, who seemed slightly confused. "Guess what? I get a room in the main castle now! And it's right by yours!" K.K. was practically glowing, his happiness making him unaware of his two brothers scheming something.
"That's fantastic, K.K! You deserve a pat on the back!" Lemmy snidely praised, patting his happy sibling on the back and sticking a “Loser” sign on him before walking down the halls with his other sneaky brother.
"... Huh. Thought they'd be more happy. Oh well." K.K. kept walking, slowly noticing how minions started laughing and snickering. He felt a tug on his back, and turned around to face Morton. "Hey, Morton! I thought you were sick!" he greeted, happy that one of his only friends was back up again. Morton had a piece of paper in his hand, revealing it to the oblivious Koopa Kid.
"I am sick. I'm on my way to get a new icepack, but I think that Lemmy and iggy have been messing with you," Morton said, coughing.
K.K. took the paper and sighed. "I hate being pranked."
"Better get used to it, now that you're next to Iggy and Lemmy's room. It's a bit different out here, I think, than what you're used to. Well, I gotta go." Morton walked off, sneezing a little bit.
Koopa Kid crumpled up the paper and threw it into a wastebasket-
-and turned around to face a slightly taller, orange, shelless Boom Boom wearing a blue hat and gloves.
"WOAH!" the Koopaling said, almost stumbling backward.
The Boom Boom walked forward slowly, cornering K.K. and making time seem to stop. Finally, the silence was broken.
"I don't like you," the Boom Boom growled, jabbing his finger at a blinking and befuddled koopa kid.
"... Uh... What? Why?" K.K. asked, unsure what was going on.
"You littered." The intimidating creature pointed at the crumpled up piece of paper. It had missed the trash can and now lay on the floor.
"Oh… uh... Sorry." K.K. tried to squeeze past, but got blocked.
"Listen up, newbie. I am the janitor here, and you don't want to make me an enemy. Remember the name BK, because you'll need to know who to watch out for. Make one more mistake, and I WILL bust down your door with a loaded shotgun and a bottle of FuBreeze. GOT IT?" BK interrogated, almost shoving the distressed K.K. down the steps.
"... *gulp* O-oh-okay! B-bye! S-s-sorry!" Koopa Kid made a mad dash down the halls, getting to his room and locking the door behind him.
That janitor was insane!
~
"Ummm... Excuse me? I would like to apply for a job here-"
"AHEM."
"... I mean, WE would like to apply for the janitorial job," Dry murmured grumpily to the receptionist, who wasn't paying attention to the ragtag trio.
"Sure. Fine. Whatever. You get the job. No uniforms are needed, just walk up the stairs to the left and you'll meet your boss. He'll fill you in on the rest." The Koopa pointed her finger at a flight of stairs.
Bewildered, Dry started to speak, but was dragged away by Boogee and Zappot.
"SWEEEEEET! We get to start already! Awesome! Do you think our boss will let us do whatever we want?" Boogee proclaimed joyously, running up the steps.
Dry sighed and yanked away from his roommates’ grip. "HOLD IT, guys! Just calm down. Remember, we could get fired on our first day- Hey, where'd you go?" Dry started to notice he was talking to thin air. Sighing again, he started walking down the dark, sinister hallways by himself.
It took a while for him to notice that he was lost. The doorways seemed to sneer at him as he stumbled through the hallway, not seeing where he came from or where he was supposed to be going.
A rough hand grabbed him on the shoulder. "You’re lost, aren't you?" a Sledge Bro said to him.
Dry had always been intimidated by Sledge Bros, so he naturally cringed. "Uh, yeah. I'm looking for the janitor. He's supposed to be my boss," he murmured uneasily.
The bulky Koopa’s eyes boggled. "BK? That lunatic? You have to work for him? That means you’re new!" Dry was almost shoved on the ground by the powerful pat on the back he got.
"Well, welcome to Kastle Koopa! You probably won't last long, though. BK's cuckoo, man. The Koopalings are never too nice to minions, and all kinds of weird stuff happens in this castle," the Sledge Bro commented, his gaze turning down the hall. Dry turned his head to see what he was looking at, and saw a shelless orange Boom Boom wearing gloves and a hat, reading a newspaper. The Sledge Bro's voice came to a whisper.
"Listen, man. That guy's real shady. I've heard that he got out of jail because he gave Ludwig a fake therapy session. Imagine that! I also heard that he's agoraphobic, or something like that, and never wanders outside. I warn you, cuz that's your boss. Bye." The Brother was gone, stomping down the hallway and disappearing under a blown-out light bulb.
Dry walked slowly and cautiously over to the Boom Boom that he identified as BK.
"Uhhhh... Hi. I applied for the janitor job, and... uh... you're supposed to be my boss," he spoke.
BK's head snapped around almost unnaturally, his misty eyes settling on the Dry Bones.
"Sooooooo... You're gonna be working with me, eh? Okeydoke." The head snapped back around, leaving a sense of nothing between Dry and the mutant.
"Well... What do I do now? I mean, you haven't told me any rules, and you didn't tell me if I work inside or outsi-" Dry stopped mid-sentence as BK suddenly tensed up like an angry cat. The Boom Boom turned around and folded his paper, his eyes looking fiery red.
"Ya want rules? FINE. Rule number one..." Dry gasped as BK pulled out 4 knives.
"NEVER talk to ANYBODY else. No matter what." Dry watched as the knife embedded itself right under his arm in the wall he had backed up against without knowing.
"Rule number two. If you see a mess, clean it up." BK threw another knife, it landing under the other arm.
"WOAH!" Dry cried.
"RULE NUMBER THREEEEE. Speaking to me is HIGHLY discouraged." The next knife was right by Dry's head.
"Oh yeah. RULE FOUR. NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER talk to me about the outdoors, or mention the word OUTSIDE in my presence." Dry gulped as the final knife stabbed right between his legs.
The frightened Dry Bones hopped away from the wall he had been pinned to. "You're crazy!" he yelled and pointed an accusing finger at his boss.
"Crazy? Such a STRONG word, Mary. Mind if I call you Mary? You look like you should be called Mary. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go torture somebody who littered," BK said, walking off and whistling afterward.
Dry gaped after the odd mutant. If THAT was his boss, then he was in for a LONG year. Grumbling, Dry decided to look for his roommates and find their room.
~
K.K. winced and cradled his bruised arm. His siblings hadn’t been particularly nice to him since he’d moved. First, Roy had punched him 5 times, the first to see if he would flinch, the last four BECAUSE he flinched. Then, Larry had given him a Piranha Plant that he said was not dangerous, but went crazy and tore up tons of K.K's hard-earned board games. Lastly, Wendy had almost clawed his eyes out when he stepped into her room by accident.
To top it off, the janitor kept giving him the evil eye.
K.K. sighed and walked down the hallway, getting bumped by a Boo and a Lantern Ghost as they ran past. A Dry Bones was chasing after them, screaming "MY STORIES AREN'T TOILET PAPER!" K.K. shrugged the moment off. He walked down the hallways and decided to explore the cafeteria and dining hall. They weren't particularly happy-looking or cheerful. The walls were all gray and cracked, and the table seemed to stretch endlessly.
K.K. started to yawn, when he heard a yell behind him.
"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"
He turned around and saw Karma Koopa, Ludwig's Met. He immediately shuddered. Minions liked to gossip, and he had heard PLENTY of stories about how she had beaten people up.
"YOU!" K.K. froze as the hybrid stomped over.
"WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA WITH ALL THOSE CRATES OF DUMB GAMES IN MY ROOM?" Karma screamed in his face.
K.K. blinked, trying to recall what she was talking about. Oh, that's right. He’d had to store away some of his board games.
"Oh... uh... Sorry. I guess I mistook your room for the attic," he peeped, frightened half to death.
"It IS the attic, you moron! Now GO MOVE IT OUT!" Karma gave him an EXTREMELY unpleasant stare, as if she was trying to make him shatter like glass just by staring.
"YES SIR!" K.K. yapped out the words before he could catch himself.
Karma Koopa's eyes squinted, and she balled her hands into fists.
"SIR? What did you say?!" she growled.
K.K. didn't have a choice. He ran. Ignoring the yells behind him, he raced across the dining room into the hallways. He thought he was home free when he looked behind and saw that Karma was in close pursuit, looking ready to kill. Yelping, K.K. ran faster and faster.
Down the stairs.
Past the apartments.
Over the creaking floorboards.
Away from the insane hybrid.
He finally tore off the makeshift cast he had for his arm and threw it to the ground. He started to get more distance between him and his pursuer. Thinking he was safe, he turned his head around and didn't see an orange arm pop out of a doorway and clothes-line him.
Yelping in pain, he fell to the floor and looked up at the janitor.
"That's mistake number two, new guy," BK growled. He turned around to Karma and pointed at Koopa Kid.
"Here you go. He's yours," he said, then walked off humming. Karma started punching her palm with her fist. K.K. curled into a ball and waited for the hurt to come.
~
Indeed, both of these people adjusted HARD, K.K. especially. But without hardhsip, would we be here?
Look at Dry, who stares from his window, covered in Writers Block as he sits in front of his typewriter. Watch as he notices the janitor clothesline the Koopaling and whisper a threat, then walk off. Dry started typing about the occurence.
Next, stare at K.K., who limps to his room and lies on his bed. He gets up almost immediately and starts making a new board game.
And yet, the odd shuffling in the night continues, and K.K. remembers it well. He has no idea what kind of odd things happen in this castle, and he might just be about to find out...
THE FIN
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