Part 1: Prologue
Somewhere in the clay mountain range near the Beanbean Mushroom border is the manor of Ickybod Clay.
Icky: I am sick and tired of being treated like a second-rate scarer.
Greaper: I think you’re scary, Master Icky.
Blinky: Yeah, what he said.
Icky: You morons! I know you fear me, all my minions do!
Inkey: Ni.
Icky: Shut up, Inkey, or do you want to be dropped into the pit of a thousand Barneys?
A pit is shown.
From deep inside the pit: I love you, you love me…
Inkey: Ni.
Sue: Oh, Sir Clay, please don’t!
Icky: Fine, I wouldn’t do that to a ghost anyway, it’s too brutal. Now back to my problem. What does King Boo have that I don’t have?
Pinky: Duh, a crown.
Blinky: An army of Boos.
Inkey: Ni.
Icky: All true, but not my point. Oh great, I’m starting to understand Inkey.
Greaper: Well, he dose have Van Gore’s paintbrush.
Sue: And he has caught Luigi.
Icky: Yes yes, I know he has caught Luigi and he has that darn paintbrush. How am I going to compete with that?
Greaper: Hey Master, what is that on the bookshelf?
Icky: Oh, that. It’s the Encyclopedia of Mushroom Kingdom Relics and Items of Power.
Greaper: Oh.
Sue: Can I look at it?
Icky: Knock yourself out.
Sue: Hmm. Super Shroom, Mega Shroom, Crystal Stars, Shine Sprites, Power Wands, Fire Flower, Iron Hat, Jinx Belt, Torte Spice, Peach’s ???, Staff of Animation…
Icky: What was that last one?
Sue: Uhh, the Staff of Animation.
Icky: Read it to me.
Sue: The Staff of Animation has the power to bring any statue or drawing to life. As long as they are not defeated they will be loyal to the one who brought them to life.
Icky: Hmmmmmm… Please continue.
Sue: Created by King Ampheron the First of Donut Plains to create guardians for his people, these guardians were the predecessors of Clefts. The staff now resides in the Mushroom Castle. The user is warned that the staff loses power when exposed to the seven.
Greaper: The seven what?!
Sue: The last word has been torn out.
Pinky: Duh, I wiped a booger with it.
Sue: Ewwww!
Icky: It does not matter. I think I have a plan. Inkey, Blinky, Pinky, Sue.
All but Inkey: Yes.
Inkey: Ni.
Icky: I want you four to cause some trouble for the guards at the castle. Cause enough to make them summon Mario and Luigi.
All but Inkey: Yes sir.
Inkey: Ni.
Icky: Greaper, Hobgoblin.
Both: Yes?
Inkey: Ni.
Icky: Will you guys get out of here? Now you two, I want to lure Wario and Waluigi to the castle.
Both: Yes sir.
Icky: As for me, I have a staff to steal.
Meanwhile at Plokman’s Castle on Chaos Island…
Lemmy: So why did you call me here?
Plokman: I found something I think you’ll like.
They walk into a room full of artifacts.
Lemmy: Wow!
He starts looking at a hammer made of pure diamond.
Plokman: This is my museum of Chaosoney artifacts. I find them in the ruins on the island.
Lemmy: So what is this?
Plokman: It’s just a hammer made of diamond.
Lemmy: Oh. Dang, I thought it was an ice-based hammer!
Plokman: Sorry. Hey Plok
Plok: Yeah, Boss?
Plokman: Bring that thing I found today in here.
Plok: Ok.
Plok leaves.
Lemmy: There are a lot of things here.
Plokman: Yeah, and there are a ton more to find.
Plok returns carrying a sword. Its blade looks like a crystal
Plok: Here it is, Boss.
Plokman: Thanks, Plok. Here is what I called you here for, Lemmy. This is the Sword of Ice.
Lemmy: Wow! I can have it?
Plokman: Yeah, I have no use for it; as a chaos user I can only use fire, water, air, and lightning elementals.
Lemmy: Wow! I can’t wait to use it on something.
Plokman: If you want you can use the training room.
Lemmy: What are the targets?
Plokman: Goombas.
Later in the training room…
Lemmy: This thing’s better than my ice gun.
Goomba: So cold! So cold! I need a Fire Flower!
Plokman: I knew you would like it.
Lemmy: Next time Morton starts talking, I’m going to…
The Vidscreen starts beeping
Plokman: What now?!
He turns the Vidscreen on
Toad: Plokman, we need you to come to the castle.
Plokman: What for, numnut?
Toad: Toadsworth will tell you when you get here.
Lemmy: Dang, and I was just starting to enjoy freezing these Goombas.
Toad: Then come along, just get here.
Plokman: Come on, Lemmy, let’s go.
Lemmy: How are we going to get there?
Plokman: By chaos star path.
Plok and Ardy: We’re coming too.
They leave Plokman’s Castle and follow a path to a star warp pad
Lemmy: Why is it four colors?
Plokman: The blue is for water, the red is for fire, green is for air, and the yellow is for lightning.
Lemmy: This thing can get us to Mushroom Castle?
Plokman: Yep.
Lemmy: How?
Plokman: Because it takes you where you want to go or to the chaos star path, which is like the star path but it uses warp pipes instead of star pads.
Lemmy: If you talked anymore you would rival Morton.
Plokman: Note to self: talk less.
They step on the
pad and warp.
Part 2: Welcome to Bandit Town
In the Mushroom Kingdom near the inn, a whirlwind appears.
Plokman and Crew: Woha!
Plok’s arms fly away. One hits Toady T, the other hits Raz.
Raz: Ow! My big toe!
Toady: My eye! My eye! Why my good eye?!
Plokman: Now I remember why I stopped using warp pads!
Lemmy: I think I’m going to blow Goonie burger chunks!
Ardy: BOOOOAAAKKK! Why do I always barf hamster food? Ugh!
Plok: Anyone seen my arms?
Raz and Toady: There he is! Get him!
Plok: Ahhhhhh!
Plokman: Not again!
He hands Raz and Toady two valuable-looking diamonds.
Raz and Toady: Ohhhhhhh!
Plokman: Now give him his arms and leave.
Raz and Toady: Ok.
They give Plok his arms and leave.
Lemmy: What were those?
Plokman: They were crystals. They are like pennies to the Chaosoney.
Lemmy: What are they worth?
Plokman: About ten coins. Let’s get to the castle.
Toadsworth: Master Plokman, Master Lemmy, and Toadies Plok and Ardy…
Plok and Ardy: Don’t call us that!
Toadsworth: Thank goodness you have come.
Plokman: What’s the problem.?
Toadsworth: It is most terrible, we were attacked by four ghosts…
Plokman: Were they shaped like Broozers and did one keep saying ni?
Toadsworth: Yes, and we called Mario and Luigi. Then two more ghosts came in being chased by Wario and Waluigi. The four Bros. got into a fight and then a large ghost with a pumpkin for a head flew into the vault and stole the Staff of Animation.
Lemmy: (under his breath) Morton in Toad form, oi.
Plokman: What? Icky stole the… What was it again?
Toadsworth: The Staff of Animation; and after he did that he dropped a pumpkin-like Bob-omb that made Mario and the others pass out, and the other ghosts took them away.
Plokman: Why would he want to kidnap those four, and why would he want to steal this staff?
Toadsworth: It can bring things to life!
Plokman: That could be a problem. He’s always wanted to make a name for himself. This could be it. Toadsworth, is there any way to stop the staff?
Toadsworth: Yes there is, but only one. To stop it one would have to find the Seven Elemental Stones.
Lemmy: What? Not Elemental Stars or Mushrooms?
Toadsworth: Nope, just stones.
Plokman: How do we find them?
Toadsworth: Well if you’ll follow me…
They follow him into the treasure room.
Toadsworth: Here it is the map! It will show you where each stone is starting with the Fire Stone.
He hands Plokman the map and the map shines. A town is shown.
Plokman: This thing is too much like the Crystal Star Map.
Toadsworth: It looks like it’s in Bandit Town.
Plokman: Where?
Toadsworth: It’s a town of Bandits.
Plokman: Oh. How do we get there?
Toadsworth: Follow Bandit’s Way, only turn right instead of left.
Plokman: Ok.
Ardy: I want my candy bar! Plok, you never found it!
Plok: But I looked 10,000,000 times and every time I did I heard someone call for help.
Ardy: I don't care! Get me a new one!
Plok: Ok, I will after we get done.
Plokman: Hey, let’s get some lunch first, then leave for Bandit’s Town.
Every: Yay, lunch!
Meanwhile at Icky’s Manor…
Icky: Now that I have captured those pesky plumbers and stolen this staff, what should I use it on first?
Sue: How about this statue of a Bandit with a crown, Sir Clay?
Icky: Not a bad idea, Sue.
He points the staff at the statue and the staff glows red and a beam of golden light shoots out and hits the statue. The statue grows and opens its eyes.
Bandit: Wha? Where? You! Tell me were I am.
Inkey: Ni.
Bandit: I am Ermy the Bandit King, and I will be told!
Icky: Welcome, Ermy.
Ermy: You are the one who woke me?
Icky: Yes.
Ermy: I thank you, my master.
Greaper: Master Icky! Master Icky! I have more information on the staff!
Icky: Well don’t just float there, tell me!
Greaper: It’s one weakness is the Seven Elemental Stones.
Icky: What?! We must find them!
Ermy: I used to have one. It’s in my fort in Bandit Town.
Icky: Well we know where one is. Go guard it, Ermy.
Ermy: Yes sir.
Icky: Now you six look for more info while I look for more things to bring to life.
All but Inkey: Yes sir.
Inkey: Ni.
Back with our heroes…
Plokman: That lunch was good.
Everyone: Yep.
Plokman: Let’s get going.
They walk to Bandit’s Way..
Lemmy: Man, I hate this place. It’s too hot and it smells like dogs.
Plokman: Yeah, those rich Toads need too clean up after their Chomps.
Plok: Gross!
They enter the next area.
K-9s: Ow ow ow. Fight it out.
Everyone: What the?!
Battle Start
Plokman HP: 30/30
Lemmy HP: 30/30
Vs.
K-9 HP: 10/10
K-9 HP: 10/10
K-9: Ow ow. Chomp
attack.
Plokman: Ow!
HP: 28
K-9: Ow ow. Chomp
attack.
Lemmy: Ow! HP:
28
Plokman: My turn.
Sonic blast!
Two megaphones
appear in Plokman’s hands.
Megaphones: Somebody
once told me the world is gonna row me I ain’t the shatpest tool in the
shed. She was looking kinda dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape
of an L on her forehead…
K-9s: Ow ow ow
ow ow ow! Make it stop make it stop. Both HP: 7
Lemmy: Take this!
Ice Gun!
K-9: Ow ow. So
cold. HP: 5
K-9: Ow ow. Chomp
attack.
Plokman: Ow!
HP: 26
K-9: Ow ow. Chomp
attack.
Lemmy: Ow! HP:
26
Plokman: Now for
Fire Blast!!!
K-9s: Ow ow ow
ow ow! Hot hot fire no burning! HP: 2
Lemmy slips off
his ball.
Lemmy: Oops!
Heads up!
Plokman: Ahhhh!
Watch it!
Hedgehog Statue:
Dimmsdale?
Lemmy: where
did that come from?!
K-9: Ow ow! My
eye. HP: 0
K-9: Ow ow! Just
great.
Pop.
K-9: Ow ow. Chomp
attack.
Lemmy: Ow! HP:
24
Plokman: I'm glad
Ardy let me barrow this.
He pulls the
hammer from the Clafairy mini-game in Pokemon Stadium out from behind his
back.
Plokman: Muhahaha!
It’s hammer time!
K-9: OWWW! Ow
ow ow! Ahhhhh! Not the face. HP: 0
K-9: Aww stuge!
Ow ow!
Pop.
Battle Over
Plokman: That was easy.
Lemmy: I’ve fought tougher Goombas.
Two more K-9s appear.
K-9: Ow ow ow! There they are.
K-9: Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. They got my dad. Let’s get them.
A thousand more appear.
Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
They run through the next area.
Lemmy: Hey look! A note!
He grabs it as he runs by.
Plok: Hey, I think they stopped.
He stops.
Plok: Ahhhhhhhh! They are still there! Wait, stop!!!
Lemmy: Keep running!!! He’s going to be fine!
They run all the way run to Bandit Town.
Plokman: I think we lost them.
He falls over.
Plokman: Ow, my legs.
Lemmy: Look, we’re here.
Plok comes running up. He has a bunch of scratches.
Plok: Hey guys, you left me behind! I thought I lost you. Those K-9s sure know how to party!
Lemmy: He’s an idiot mixed with a moron mixed with K. Rool!
King K. Rool walks by.
K. Rool: Hey guys, have a cookie.
Everyone: Thanks!
Ardy: What do we do now?
Plok: I'll tell ya what we're gonna do, we're going to listen to the boss.
Plokman: Let’s ask around and see if anyone has seen the stone.
Twenty minutes later…
Plokman: Nothing!
Lemmy: Nope!
Ardy: One of those filthy Bandits stole my wallet and made me buy it back!
Plokman: How did you pay for it without money?
Ardy: I had to give him my watch!
Plok: One of them told me the stone was in that castle over there, and then he stole my bag. The joke’s on him, though. It was just full of seashells. Hahaha.
Ardy: Good for you.
Plokman looks around and sees the castle.
Plokman: That castle, Plok?
Plok: Yep, that’s what he said.
Plokman: Oh. Man, this place looks worse than Rogueport. Even that castle is falling apart!
They make their way up the street to the castle, and enter into a room full of K-9s.
K-9s: Ow! Meat.
Plokman and Lemmy: Oh great!
They start fighting the K-9s. An hour and three levels later…
Plokman: That’s all of them.
Lemmy: Good, now let’s go into the next room. Wait, the door has no knob, but has a riddle on it.
They walk up to the door and the riddle is sung in the same way as the mermaid clue in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Come seek it
were its sight is found.
It is not
known above the ground.
Time and effort
must you take.
But this could
be a big mistake.
Though not
evil I can fuel greed.
So of this
song you must take heed.
If not strong
of mind or will.
With darkness
your heart will fill.
Plok: I think it’s cheese toast.
Ardy: Candy bar.
Plokman: A strawberry Pop-Tart.
Lemmy glares at them.
The Three: What? We're hungry!
Lemmy: Oi. The answer is gold!
Door: Ding ding ding ding! Bingo, we have a winner!
The door opens.
Lemmy: That was annoying!
They enter the next room.
Everyone: Woah!!!
There is a Lava River, the Midas River, and Digital River in here.
Lemmy: Ok, the bridge pad for the Lava River. Say, put a hedgehog statue here.
Plokman: I'm glad I picked this up.
He puts the hedgehog statue from before on the pad.
Hedgehog Statue: Dimmsdale?
Lemmy: Quit asking that!
The bridge appears.
Plokman: Now for the Midas River. Just jump over the barrels!
They do.
Plokman: Man, I hate not being able to swim!
Ardy: Next for the Digital River. How did he make that?
Plok: Hmmmm. It says to cross, take train.
Plokman: Hey look, a blue, six-wheeled tank engine.
He climbs aboard.
Plokman: The fire is out. I can fix that.
He uses Fire Blast to light it.
Plokman: All aboard! Next stop, the other side!
Plokman blows the whistle and everyone climbs aboard and the train starts moving.
Plokman: Over the river and into the castle!
Lemmy: That was lame, and this thing is going too fast!
Plok: Ahhhh! Call the breakdown train or Spider-Man!
They cross the river.
Ardy: Stop this crazy thing!
The train stops.
Plokman: I slowed down after Lemmy said it was going to fast. What’s wrong with you two?!
Ardy: We've got to stop!
Plok: I want my mommy!
Plokman and Lemmy smack them.
Both: Oh, we have stopped!
Plokman: Hey look, a key! I wonder what it does.
Lemmy: Well let’s go into the next room.
They enter the next room.
Karaoke Machine of Doom: You must sing a song or dance the night away!
Plokman: Ok. Life’s like a road that you travel on with one day here and the next day gone. Sometimes you win sometimes you don't....
Karaoke Machine of Doom: Fine, you’re done. Next!!
Ardy: Oh don't try to stop me, don't try to stop me, nobody can, I got a dream, a beautiful dream, and that makes me a man.
Karaoke Machine of Doom: Fine, you’re done. Next!
Plok: (badly singing) I don't need to walk around in circles, walk around in circles...
Karaoke Machine of Doom: Ahhhhhhhh! I must get away! This is making my ears bleed! I must say it! Yosemite Sam of Outer *BOOOOOOOOOM* Space.
The Karaoke Machine of Doom turns into a pile of ash, and a warp pipe appears.
Lemmy: Well that was easy. Now through the pipe.
They jump in and come out in the first room.
Lemmy: What are we doing here again?
Plokman: I guess we did everything else but get the stone. Oh look, a door.
Ardy: It looks like it needs a key.
Plokman: This must be it.
He uses the key he found earlier.
Plok: Let’s go!
They walk into the treasure room.
Ermy: What do you think you’re doing entering Ermy the Bandit King’s throne room?! My treasure belongs to me and only me! All who enter must pay!!!
Lemmy and Plokman: Bring it on, tubby!
Battle Start
Plokman HP: 40/40
Lemmy HP: 45/45
Vs.
Ermy HP: 70/70
Plokman: Let’s
try this. Gum-Gum…
He kicks his
leg into the air and it stretches two miles.
Plokman: …Hammer!!!
His foot drops
like a stone.
Lemmy: How can
you do that?
Plokman: I’m
a shape shifter.
Lemmy: Oh. Now
it’s my turn. Ice Gun!
Ermy: Woah, that’s
cold. HP: 50
Ermy: Now you
fools will suffer my wrath! Take this! Fist of the Belch-Belch: Ham-Ham
Heart Crush!!!
Ham-Hams appear.
Ham-Hams: Let’s
make a wish, ohho, make your wish come true, singing along with us is all
you do…
Plokman and Lemmy:
Ahhhhh! No! Not Ham-hams! Ahhhh! Their song is burning my ears!
Plokman’s HP:
30
Lemmy’s HP: 35
Plokman: I hope
this works! I summon Sunny the Dancing Hamster!
Sunny appears.
Sunny: Dipi de
da de de do do de pa didi do dididididi dedede uha didly day dum hahaha.
Plokman and Lemmy:
Yay! The Hamster Dance.
Ham-Hams: No!
Not the hamster dance! Run away! Run away!
The Ham-Hams
run for their lives.
Ermy: Arggg!
I hate that song! HP: 35
Lemmy: Ok. Ice
Ball!
Ermy: Ow, my
eye! HP: 30
Lemmy: Now Plok’s
got me doing it!
Ermy: Fist of
the Belch-Belch: Big Burp!
Plokman and Lemmy:
Ewwww!
Plokman’s HP:
28
Lemmy’s HP: 33
Plokman: Fire
Shot!
Ermy: Hot hot
hot! Ahhhh! My foot is on fire! HP: 15
Sunny: Dipi de
da de de do do de pa didi do dididididi dedede uha didly day dum hahaha.
Ermy: Ahhhhhh!!!!
HP: 10
Lemmy: Let’s try
this. Ice Sword, Arctic Shard!!!
Ermy: This is
unpleasant! HP: 5
Ermy: Fist of
the Belch-Belch: Spit the Birds!
Plokman: Ow!
Who spits a humming bird, honestly? HP: 26
Lemmy: Ice Gun!
Ermy: Nooooooooooooo!
HP: 0
Ermy turns back
into a statue.
Battle Over
Plokman: Well that went well.
They see the Fire Stone.
Plokman: Well, we found it.
It flies around him like the Crystal Stars do Mario.
Plokman: They’re all going to do that, aren’t they?
Everyone: Looks like.
Plokman: Perfect.
To Be Continued...
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