Chapter 12: DADsend
Two weeks after Chapter 11, Dimentio is in a coma on a hospital bed. In his head, chocolate popsicles with limbs and faces are dancing around. Then the scene in there changes to the vision he had involving him, with everyone else in the story. Though this time, he can see a lanky man in purple laughing at him.
Dimentio (in the dream): That’s not nice!
Back outside Dimentio’s demented mind, his mom and his best friend come up to him. Meanwhile there’s a prison cell with the title’s name along the bars. Princess Shroob is in a completely orange version of her usual dress without gloves or a crown, and a guard comes up to her.
Koopatrol: Hi! Ooh, I like how you stylized that uniform! I was thinking of turning my armor into a ninja outfit.
Koopatrol 2: I was gonna make mine a pirate one.
The two guards then get into a fight over pirates and ninjas. A third one sighs and comes into her cell. She handcuffs her and takes her away, spritzing the fighting guards with a squirt bottle to let them know to follow. Meanwhile Mimi is watching TV, while her dad is reading the newspaper.
Gadd: Ha! Oh that Dilbert.
Mimi: Dad?
Gadd: What?
Mimi: What do I do if people ask about homecoming night? That I basically don’t remember much of. Hint-hint.
Gadd: You’re not supposed to let me know you really remember.
Mimi: Oh. Forget I said that.
Gadd: Eh, why not? Anyway, after Mona died, you found me in the audience as I was shouting at a crazy guy with a giant juice mug for tripping me, and you were traumatized.
Mimi: … Okay. I’m going to school now.
Later, Gadd and Cudge are watching King Boo’s cell. He’s beating up the Wiggles with a fish.
Gadd: Aww, he’s so cute when he’s maiming stars of kiddy shows.
Cudge: I wish I had my cell phone so I could take a picture. Anyway the only ability we’ve found is telekinesis, or as everyone else prefers, “The Force”.
Meanwhile, S. W. A. T. team cars are pulling up in Dunder Mifflin’s parking lot. Toad and ABG are still watching from the car.
ABG: I hope you’re right.
Later, the S. W. A. T. leader talks to them inside.
Leader: Just paper. And some awards from NBC.
Toad comes up to Gadd.
Toad: Where’s King Boo?
Gadd: King Who?
Toad: Not that guy, we mean King Boo!
Toad tries to read his mind, but Bog- I mean The Shadow is nearby.
The Shadow: It was fun while it lasted. Wait, since I’m already introduced by name, can’t we just do that by now?
Gadd’s gonna kill me, but okay. But you have to pay me. Meanwhile, Yoshi and Kamek are walking around a museum.
Yoshi: Hah! Yoshi! Hmmmm!!! Bading-hap! (The egg should be here!)
Kamek: *Kamek noises* (You can’t lay eggs on your own?)
Yoshi: Yoshi! (It’s a special egg.)
Kamek: *Kamek noises* (Okay, just hurry! We only have three weeks until the explosion!)
They then come up to a statue of a golden Yoshi holding a gold egg with emeralds for spots, ready to throw it. That’s the egg.
Yoshi: Yoshi! (Yoshi!)
Meanwhile, Dimentio is still having that vision. But in this dream, there’s more images of just the purple guy laughing at him and hitting him with a pole or something like that. Oh, and the juice in the Kool-Aid Man is orange sometimes instead of red.
Bob: He’s starting to burn up.
Dimentio’s Mom: Oh… Are you the Goomba that my son keeps talking about?
Bob: Well…
Bob runs off.
Bleck: I heard there’s something wrong with his heart.
Dimentio’s Mom: What? He’s just in his twenties!
Dimentio’s Mom leaves and Bob returns, and walks up to Dimentio.
Bob: I wish I knew what was going on in there.
Suddenly, he envisions the popsicles.
Bob: … Ernie, you’re an idiot.
Bleck: That’s not his name. Before he went into the coma, he said something about having too many powers. Why’d you show him the painting?
Bob: Eh, seemed important to him.
Bleck: And you believe this! I mean, this sounds like just some stupid plot for a random sci-fi/drama show on NBC or something!
Bob: I believe that he believes it.
Bleck: Okay, that’s it! We’re going to see this painter! Dimentio, stay here and don’t touch anything.
Dimentio does nothing.
Bleck: Good.
They leave. Meanwhile Tatanga makes a sandwich and eats it.
Shroob: You said that was for me!
Tatanga: That was a lie. Wait, where’d you get that bruise on your arm?
Shroob: Kids at school saying my mom is crazy. But that’s only what started it. The real thing was kids saying pirates are better than-
Tatanga: I don’t want to hear your life story, son!
DING DONG!
Tatanga goes to answer the door. He opens it to find a blue Pianta with shades and a white jacket.
Pianta: Hi, I’m Frankie! Show it to me.
Tatanga goes to the kitchen and Frankie sits on a couch. Tatanga comes back out with Stuffwell.
Stuffwell: I missed these guys. Plus those other two were just crazy.
Tatanga: So the charges are dropped?
Frankie: Yes.
Tatanga: Okay.
He gives Stuffwell to Frankie. Frankie’s about to leave.
Tatanga: So now Don Pianta will leave us alone?
Frankie: No.
Tatanga: WHAT?! WE PAID YOUR $9,001!
Frankie: But the Don is a big baby, so he’ll bother you as long as he wants. Bye!
Frankie leaves. Tatanga punches the wall in his anger.
Tatanga: OW! THAT HURT! WHY DID I DO THAT?!
Meanwhile, Yoshi and Kamek are looking at that statue.
Kamek: I think it said it used to belong to Shiyo, an ancient Yoshinese warrior in the battle of Yoshi’s Island, long ago. Nintendo was going to make a game out of it, but somehow that turned into Mario Power Tennis.
Yoshi: Oh yeah! Dad tell me! He savage with cool powers! All of Island fear him! He found gold and ee-mural-d egg-
Kamek: “Emerald”.
Yoshi: -then it help him control power. He become hero!
Kamek notices a circular symbol on the hilt. The symbol is the Yoshi Egg symbol from the Smash Bros. series.
Kamek: It’s the character for “DADsend” and the character for “great talent” put together.
Yoshi: How?
Kamek: I don’t know.
Yoshi: I think I similar to Shiyo! I need egg to control powers! I use it to control powers and dess-tiny!
Kamek: “Destiny”. So what, we steal it? That’s not good.
Yoshi: But bomb! We take egg, bomb doesn’t go off! They wouldn’t mind if that were case! Plus shiny!
Meanwhile, FBI agents are searching through Kooper’s apartment.
Kooper: It’s about time!
FBI Agent (resembles Glitz Pit security guard): Well lots of these people have died, and you were in Koopa Village, so you’re suspicious.
Kooper: … Greeeat… But I’m innocent! I just need to warn them about King Boo!
FBI Agent: We checked that name. We only got two results: Bouldergeist, and Ivia Shadow.
Kooper: Bouldergeist? Isn’t he taking a vacation in the Beach Bowl Galaxy?
FBI Agent: Yeah, so that just leaves Ivia Shadow.
Kooper sees a picture of Ivia. It’s Vivian, but the hat is missing. And her hair is in an Afro. Thank DAD she switched styles.
Kooper: Oh, this is just Vivian with slightly different physical looks, and a few letters missing from her name. She lives across the hall.
Agent: No, she’s dead. Pulled her out of a lake.
Meanwhile in Diamond City’s Dunder Mifflin, Toad and ABG are watching SAG (Secret Agent Goomba, ABG’s boss) talk to Gadd. He then comes over to them, angry.
Toad: Dude, we know King Boo’s here! Maybe there’s a secret room!
SAG: Oh yeah, and maybe my sister dated Kermit the Frog once. Wait, she did that actually… But still! And here’s footage of you two sitting in the car outside for two weeks.
Toad: He did something to Koopa and I after he abducted us!
SAG: Bowser Koopa, the radioactive Koopa? That Koopa? Agent Goomba Boss, you’re suspended!
ABG: Of course.
The Goombas leave. Toad follows.
Toad: Agent Goomba Boss, where are you going?
ABG: I’m giving up on this! There’s no such thing as radioactive Koopas or mind-reading toads! And don’t even get me started on giant bowls of punch!
Kool-Aid Man bursts in.
Kool: Oh yeah!
P.T.: Hey, this isn’t McDonald’s!
They leave.
ABG: … Okay, but no such thing as the first two! Just give up!
ABG leaves. Toad gets angry and shoves Gadd up to a wall.
Toad: Tell me where King Boo is!!!
Gadd: No.
Toad: Darn, that’s all I had!
Meanwhile, Boshi’s pulling a crossbow out of his locker (him too?) and Mimi comes up to him.
Mimi: Hi!
Boshi: Don’t talk to me. Tell me what happened at the homecoming game. Woah, that was contrasting.
Mimi: I don’t know.
Boshi: Me neither.
Mimi: Could we ever be friends?
Boshi: No.
Mimi: Can I have a dollar?
Boshi: Can I have a cookie?
Mimi: No.
Boshi: No.
Meanwhile, in a meeting room in the Gritzy Desert Prison, Princess Shroob is next to her lawyer.
Princess Shroob: You’re my lawyer? Haven’t I seen you before?
P.T. is sitting next to her, holding a comb over his mouth so it’s like a mustache
P.T.: Uh, no. NOW ENOUGH WITH THE OURBURSTS!
Princess Shroob: Like that one?
P.T.: Yes. That reminds me, you might get the death penalty.
Princess Shroob: 0_0
P.T.: I mean, we don’t even have much of a case! I did once, but he left my friend and I because we were “too crazy”. And he could talk!
Princess Shroob: All I wanted was to do time!
P.T.: Do you know where the money that you stole is?
Princess Shroob: (almost crying) No!
P.T.: Dang! You’re a terrible criminal! By that I mean you’re bad at it!
Elder takes over.
Elder: Wait… You know where it is!
P.T.: I do?
Elder: Okay, Little Sister, we should probably tell him.
P.T.: (And they say I’m crazy! Wait, I actually have the ability to think?)
Princess Shroob: Don’t pay attention to her.
Elder: Dang it! Who will I need to kill to get out?
Princess Shroob: Oh no.
Kool bursts in.
Kool: Oh yeah!
P.T.: Hey buddy!
Elder: I have to kill SOMEONE!
P.T. scoots his chair a little further from Princess Shroob/Elder.
Princess Shroob: Stop it!
Elder: No!
Princess Shroob: Please?
Elder: No!
P.T.: What’s going on?
Elder: WHAT DO YOU THINK?!
P.T.: No, I meant I wasn’t paying attention.
Elder: …
P.T.: Oh, I get it! You’re using a sob story about multiple personality disorder to win over the jury! I should probably not say that loud enough for the jury to hear.
Jury: What was that?
P.T.: Nothing.
Princess Shroob: Don’t listen to the other me!
P.T.: … Did you rehearse? Whatever, I’m going to leave now. Come on, Kool.
Princess Shroob: No!
P.T. and Kool-Aid Man leave. Meanwhile, Yoshi and Kamek are kind of bringing attention to themselves as they walk around the statue, with the guard Koopa watching.
Yoshi: Um, where’s gift shop?
Koopa: That way.
Yoshi: Thonks.
Kamek: “Thanks”.
They go back to the statue.
Yoshi: Yoshi! Hah! Hmmmmmm!!! (I have to try to use my powers so I can get the egg!)
Kamek: But-
Yoshi focuses, and instead of time being stopped, time becomes very slow.
Yoshi: Eh, good enough.
He removes the egg from the statue.
Alarm: BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEE-
He then runs through the dinosaur exhibit (a graveyard to him). Inside, he turns and finds a giant skeletal Rex in front of him, glaring. Yoshi remembers the painting and gets ready to throw the egg. Time goes back to normal. Back with Kamek…
Kamek: -I don’t think- Zuh?
Alarm: -EEP!
Kamek: Oh, this’ll look bad.
He runs away. Outside, he finds Yoshi.
Kamek: You did it!
Yoshi: I did! Yoshi!
He runs around in circles.
Yoshi: I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I-
Kamek: No!
Yoshi: Sorry. Now our legend begins!
Yoshi takes a closer look to find that the gold is just gold-colored paint, and the emeralds are plastic.
Both: FAKE?!
Kamek reads a sticky note that the two of them had somehow missed.
Kamek: “Replica belonging to Don Pianta Corp.”
Yoshi: Waah! (I guess I’ll return it. Though it IS still shiny… Nah.)
Meanwhile, Bob and Bleck enter Vincent’s apartment.
Bob: He won’t shut up about the world ending, and a bomb being here.
Bleck looks and finds the painting of the explosion.
Bleck: So he did this?
Bob: Pretty sure.
Bob is then shocked to see all the paintings are back, as they had previously not been. Vincent phases through the wall.
Bob: You’re back?
Vincent: And clean! Wait, who are you exactly? I’ve let you in, but I don’t know you.
Bob: Not important!
Bleck goes to see some of the other paintings.
Vincent: Now I can paint without Power-Downs!
Bob: Okay.
Bleck (offscreen): What’s this one?
Vincent and Bob see it’s the painting of the exploding person that Vincent did at Dunder Mifflin.
Bleck: It’s like he’s a bomb or something. If that’s a guy, that is. What, did you talk to Dimentio?
Vincent: No.
Bleck: You know Dimentio said he was the cause of the explosion.
Suddenly an egg flies through the wall and hits Bleck in the face.
Bleck: OW!
Yoshi’s arm reaches through the hole and unlocks the apartment door from inside, and Yoshi and Kamek enter.
Bleck: Goomba, did you lock the door?
Bob: You can never be too careful. I think.
Yoshi: Vincent! Egg fake! Oral-hygenial-
Kamek: “Original”.
Yoshi: -belong to Don Pinata!
Kamek: “Pianta”.
Bleck: Don Pianta?
Yoshi: … Yoshi! Flight guy! It you!
Bleck: … Oh great…
Meanwhile at the water tower from the beginning of Mimi’s plot, she’s talking to Bogmire.
Mimi: “Save the transforming spider thingy; save the world?” Were you watching Heroes or something? What, I need to get saved?
Bogmire: Oh yeah!
Mimi: DON’T SAY THAT! There was this glass freak who said that a lot.
Bogmire: Okay, but you’ll need saving again.
Mimi: Can I talk to Dimentio?
Bogmire: Your dad’s watching him, so if you do, he’ll know you remember. And then he’ll make sure I’m never called Bogmire again! Oh, and by the way, Cudge and Dottie work for your dad, much like myself, and aren’t your parents.
Mimi: EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE!
Bogmire: So it’d probably be bad if I told you that margarine actually IS worse for you than butter.
Mimi starts sobbing due to the butter/margarine realization.
Bogmire: Oh get over it!
Mimi suddenly does.
Mimi: Dang it! All I had that was real was Boshi, and then you had to go and forgeterize him!
Bogmire: I don’t forgeterize! That’s for novices! I amnesize!
Salesman Voice: Amnesize! The good method for wiping memories! Not to be confused with Pizza Hut. And yes, Bogmire’s line was our advertisement slogan.
Mimi: Can you make him remember then?
Bogmire: No…. Boy I’m glad I’m not you.
He leaves and Mimi notices the water tower. Meanwhile, Bleck and Yoshi are talking about the painting of the exploding person.
Yoshi: Bomb across street! BOOM! Kill tons!
Bleck: Wow, your Mushroomese is… the same as when we last met. So you came from the future?
Yoshi: Yes! So now I know to stop Boo Bomb!
Bleck: “Bob-omb”.
Yoshi: And you help! Bee case you fly!
Bleck: “Because you fly”. What makes the bomb go off?
Yoshi: Dunno. Vile ayn? Er, “villain”?
Bleck: So not only can it warp, but it can learn.
Yoshi: …
Bleck: So do you think the guy in that painting did it?
Yoshi: Maybe! We stop him!
Bleck: Eh, why not?
Meanwhile in a shack in the middle of Gritzy Desert, Bowser is inside. He’s trying to create fireballs with his hands.
Bowser: This would be so much easier with a Fire Flower.
Meanwhile, Mimi is leading Boshi to the water tower.
Mimi: I’m telling you, we’ve been here before!
Boshi: Why would I want to be here?
Mimi: Because I made you! Now you’ll have to hold the camera and focus it on me. And not your shoes!
Boshi: (How’d she know about my shoe obsession?) Ever hear of tripods? Or Goombas? Goombas are practically slaves for every other race!
Mimi: I don’t want to be alone, and Goombas are bad at keeping secrets.
Boshi: Wait, why are we taping this?
Mimi: I never told you before, so I guess I’ll tell you. Other than that movie idea, it was so I could show my parents, but they might not be alive anymore, so it’s to make me feel proud of myself.
Boshi: … You have issues.
He starts filming her as she climbs up as a spider, and juuuust as the camera shifts towards his feet…
Mimi: I SAID DON’T TAPE YOUR SHOES!
The camera shifts back up. She reaches the top, changes back, and approaches the edge.
Boshi: Wait, what exactly are you doing?
She jumps, and Boshi looks up from taping his feet to run over to her.
Boshi: Are you okay?
He then sees her completely heal.
Boshi: ZUH?!
She gets up and talks to the camera.
Mimi: I’m Mi- Wait you were taping your shoes again, weren’t you?
Boshi: … Yes.
Meanwhile, Shroob and Tatanga are using the glass wall room to speak to Princess Shroob.
Princess Shroob: They might send me to an insane asylum, and my big sister came out and beat up a guard.
Tatanga: I don’t want to hear your life story, dear!
Shroob: Mom, come home. Now.
Princess Shroob: I can’t.
Koopatrol: Hi!
Princess Shroob: Koopatrol #18516538, can I see my son?
Koopatrol #185…9? I don’t know, it’s a big number, sue me!: Sorry, that’s against the rules!
Princess Shroob: Please?
K#185…9?IDKIABNSM: No.
Princess Shroob: Please?
Koopatrol with long name: No!
Princess Shroob: Please?
KWLN: NO!
He hits her with a nightstick. Or he would’ve. She grabs it and cuts it in half with her other hand.
KWLN: Oh cruddles…
She then notices what she’s done. Some Koopatrols shell onto the scene and pin her up on the wall.
Meanwhile, Kooper comes into his apartment with groceries. As he locks the door, he hears a man clearing his throat. He turns and drops his groceries to see Gadd with a mini Blaster pointed at him.
Kooper: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF DAD WITH TURKEY, SALAMI, CHEESE WITH ROAST BEEF, PEPPERONI, AND HAM ALL ON FRESHLY BAKED BREAD!
Gadd: … What?
Kooper: Uh, nothing. Are you gonna kill me?
Gadd: Maybe. Vivian used to work for me, and she’s a good person.
Kooper: Okay. Wait, did she have a super power?
Gadd: Maybe.
Kooper: Ugh, you’re so annoying. What do you want? If it’s the ice cream I bought, forget it! It’s already eaten! I ate it on the way home!
Gadd: We need each other’s help.
Kooper: Oh, because my dad knew more than you do?
Gadd: Uh, yes.
Kooper: But you already know my dad’s theory doesn’t work.
Gadd: I just want the list!
Kooper: The one with all the super-powered people?
Gadd: No, the Naughty And Nice List. OF COURSE THE SUPER-POWERED PEOPLE LIST!
Kooper: Oh. You know when I find the list, I’m gonna warn them about you.
Gadd: Why not just work for me?
Kooper: No!
Gadd puts the mini Blaster away and gives him a card.
Gadd: Fine, just take my card!
Kooper: “The Teletubbie Fan Club President, Elvin G-
Gadd takes the card back.
Gadd: Woah, wrong one! Uh, that’s not mine.
Kooper: But it looked like-
Gadd: NOT MINE! Here’s my real card.
He hands it to him. Meanwhile, Toad enters his and his wife’s room, noticing she has an empty suitcase on the floor.
Toad: Honey, guess what! I can read minds!
Toadette: What?
Toad: Go on, think of anything in the world at all!
Toadette: Done!
Toad: … You’re supposed to keep thinking about it.
Toadette: Okay.
Meanwhile, we see Dimentio’s dream again. He approaches Bleck’s campaign headquarters and it’s mixed in with images of the purple guy. Bleck approaches, and Dimentio sees his cheeto residue- and nuclear energy-covered hands. But now he can actually hear what’s going on. That’s right, all the quotes when it was first seen were just rough guesses. Though based on how this story goes, they seemed accurate.
Dimentio: Bleck, I took his power, and I don’t think I can control it. Wait, I never said that!
Bleck: Shut up! Anyway, I’ll help.
Dimentio: How exactly?
Suddenly Dimentio explodes again, and it disintegrates Bleck.
Dimentio: OW! OW! OW! WAIT HOW DID THAT HELP? OW! OW!
Bleck: (dying) OW! I DON’T KNOW! OW! IT JUST SEEMED LIKE A DRAMATIC WAY TO LEAVE THE STORY! OW! OW!
Again, it’s just supposed to be screaming. The shockwaves destroy lots of buildings and shatter the Kool-Aid Man, turning him into a puddle.
P.T.: Hey! You broke my friend! Literally! And how am I not dying by being right here next to a nuclear explosion?
Suddenly, Dimentio wakes up in the hospital.
Dimentio: That was different.
Later, Bleck comes in, to find Dimentio’s Mom. Dimentio is gone.
Bleck: What? Where’d he go?
Dimentio’s Mom: Oh he woke up and mentioned something about the end of the world and left.
Bleck: And you just let him?!
Dimentio’s Mom: I wasn’t paying attention.
Bleck: No wonder Dimentio’s crazy…
Dimentio’s Mom: WHAT?!
Bleck: Err, nothing.
Meanwhile, Yoshi is showing the comic about him to Bob.
Bob: And who are you? Wow, I finally get to say that!
Yoshi: This Yoshi! Exactly like me!
Bob: Oookay, so Vincent can paint the future and you need a special egg. And next I’m going to guess that a crazy guy and a giant jug of-
Everyone Else: DON’T SAY IT!
Bob: … Okay.
Yoshi: We need egg from Don!
Bob: Ooh, he’s my client! We’ll go get that egg from him. And here, take this tube with a rolled up painting inside that I pulled out of nowhere.
Yoshi holds it out.
Textbox: YOU GOT, THE PAINTING TUBE! BOB GAVE IT TO YOU, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT’S FOR!
Wait, this isn’t a Zelda game! Oh well.
Bob: It’s supposed to be an egg holder. I probably could’ve just given you a purse or something, though.
Yoshi: Oh.
Meanwhile, Dimentio is talking on a cell phone while walking down the street.
Dimentio: Yes, a flight to Gritzy Desert, where they did those nuclear bomb tests, ASAP… And I’d also like a pepperoni pizza. Bye.
He looks up and finds the purple guy rob a guy. Dimentio then starts to follow.
Dimentio: Get back here!
After the purple guy grabs another thing, Dimentio finally catches him within a box he makes.
Dimentio: Tell me what you’re doing or I’ll make this box explode.
Purple Guy: You can see me?
Dimentio: … I’m not supposed to?
He grabs Dimentio by the neck part of his cloak and throws him at a pole.
Purple Guy: Of course you’re not supposed to! (kicking Dimentio) I’m freaking invisible!
Dimentio: Okay, stop kicking me!
Meanwhile, Princess Shroob is in a straitjacket in a padded room. Oddly enough, the REAL crazy characters aren’t there. Meanwhile, Gadd is watching King Boo playing poker with the Wiggles behind the glass. King Boo looks under the table to grab a cheat card and notices a cockroach. Meanwhile, Mimi and Boshi are walking from the water tower. Meanwhile, Bob watches Yoshi and Kamek play rock-paper-scissors for no reason. Meanwhile, Tatanga is eating a sandwich.
Shroob: You said that was for me!
Tatanga: Guess what! I lied again!
Meanwhile, Princess Shroob is still in the room, scared. The lights go out.
Princess Shroob: DAD, why?
Elder: Oh shut up! I’m not good enough for you?
Princess Shroob: Well I don’t know how to put this…
Elder: …