Chapter 15: Walk!
We see an overhead of Bleck at his desk, and the words “Chapter 15: Walk!” are on the ground.
Bleck: Okay, who left these words on the ground?
His phone rings.
Bleck: Soon-to-be Count Bleck here! Vote me for First Ever Mario Villain To Be A Count Instead Of A King Or Something.
Woman on the other end: That’s a mouthful. Wait, that’s not how this scene went in the last chapter!
Bleck: I’m taking the scene in a new direction!
Merlee: Uhhhh…. Anyway, our daughter found me.
Bleck: 0_o
Merlee: Yeah…
Bleck: OH MY DAD!
P.T.: Hey, I didn’t know you had another kid! Good for you!
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah!
Bleck: Ugh… Wait, how’d you guys get in here?
Merlee: No, the fire was on purpose. And then a family in Diamond City adopted our daughter. She has my taste for fashion, and your brains. Oh, and her head is shaped like a square, like yours.
Bleck: What do you want from me?
Merlee: Money!
Bleck: Fine!
He hangs up.
Bleck: Oh my…
P.T.: Say, where’d you get a hat like that?
Meanwhile, Gadd is sitting in the living room with Cackletta, with Captain Gills in his bowl on her lap. Mimi comes in.
Mimi: Is she okay?
Gadd: Just some headaches.
Mimi: Don’t forget the memory loss.
Gadd: … I knew I forgot something!
Gadd leaves the room.
Cackletta: Don’t worry, dear. Captain Gills isn’t worried, is he? No he’s not! No he’s not!
Captain Gills: Stop patronizing me… or else I’ll send BAD people to your room tonight.
Cackletta: Did he just talk?
Mimi: Doubt it.
Meanwhile….
Princess Shroob (in the mirror): You can’t fool him! Your head is a lot bigger, and you’re fatter!
Elder: You’re right.
Elder ties a rope around her waist and puts a headband on her head, hoping these contraptions will conceal her bigger size.
Princess Shroob: Uh…
Tatanga (from another room): Come on, we need to take Shroob to school!
Meanwhile, Toad is dressed up in a suit.
Toad: Well I guess I’m gonna be a bodyguard now. Or private security, whatever.
Meanwhile, Shroob puts his backpack on a counter in the kitchen.
Shroob: Can we fight crime with our powers?
Elder: (pretending to be her sister) Uh, sure, after school whatever.
Shroob and Tatanga leave.
Tatanga: (leaving) There’s a package on the table for you.
Meanwhile…
Toadette: You’re taking your Mini Bill Blaster?
Toad: Yes.
Meanwhile, Elder is on the phone. She has money and plane tickets in the box.
Elder: Fine, I’ll do that… Whatever, it was for Don Pianta, I guess.
Meanwhile, Frankie is at the airport and he comes up to Toad, who has a sign with Frankie’s name on it.
Toad: Hey Mr. Pianta, I’m here to protect you.
Meanwhile, Elder pulls a picture of Frankie out of the package and points her claw at it.
Elder: Bang.
Suddenly the picture has a hole in it.
Elder: Woah, I’m the new Chuck Norris!
Meanwhile, Yoshi and Kamek sneak into a hotel kitchen.
Kamek: Great! We’re back in Gritzy Desert, where we started! We’re no closer to stopping the explosion than before!
Yoshi: Stop whining! Heroes don’t quiet!
Kamek: “Quit”.
They approach the doors until they find a crying Shaman who almost stumbles into them.
Shaman: Sorry!
Kamek: Unaccepted! Why are you crying?
Shaman: You’re just a bunch of strangers so I can’t ask for help.
Kamek: I’m Kamek, and this is Yoshi. The Yoshi.
Shaman: I’m Merluvlee. The Super Paper Mario version.
Meanwhile, Toad is driving a car with Frankie in the back.
Frankie: Are we there yet?
Toad: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO! Anyway, we’ve been having wonderful weather in Toad Town. We also have this Li’l Oink Farm that’s really cute.
Frankie: Okay. Just get me to the merchant then back to the airport, and make sure no one bothers me, including yourself.
Toad: Aww…
Frankie: (I just hope he knows how to use a gun.)
Meanwhile, Kooper is making phone calls to people he thinks have powers. But they hang up. He gives up and plays his messages.
Voice: Dr. Kooper? Yeah, my name is Topmaniac.
Kooper looks to see a sticky note with Topmaniac’s name on his map, specifically over the Battlerock Galaxy.
Voice: Anyway, please help me. Now.
Meanwhile, Merluvlee is talking to the foreign buddies.
Merluvlee: I came with my boyfriend, but we got in a fight and I left my Strange Sack in our hotel room and I really need it back because it has my stuff in it.
Kamek: Oh. Too bad.
Yoshi: Kamek!
Kamek: Fine.
Yoshi: However… (whispering) We still have mission!
Kamek: (whispering) We always do your missions! I wanna do one now! We’ve been busting our humps to get Don Pianta’s egg! Besides, it won’t take that long!
Merluvlee: Don Pianta? I know people who know that guy!
Kamek: If we get your bag will you get us an audience with him?
Merluvlee: Sure.
Soon, Kamek is pushing a service cart down a hall, dressed as a bellboy. He knocks on a door and a fat guy opens it.
Lord Crump: Hey!
Kamek: Room service!
Crump: I didn’t order any!
Kamek: Sir, are you complaining that you’re getting service without asking?
Crump: … Good point.
Kamek comes in and puts ice in a cup.
Crump: I’m gonna take a shower. And with that… POW! You’re gone!
Kamek leaves. However Yoshi secretly gets out from under the service cart and lets Kamek back in once Crump leaves to shower. They start searching.
Yoshi: (whispering) This stupid, I bet you don’t speak to her ever after this!
Kamek: (whispering) Just look around!
Yoshi opens a drawer to find a full-sized Bill Blaster.
Yoshi: 0_0
Kamek: (whispering) Something wrong?
Kamek looks and sees the Bill Blaster too.
Kamek: (whispering) We can’t leave! What about all that junk you said about being a hero? … Fine.
They walk towards the door, but then Kamek quickly closes the door after Yoshi gets out, and locks it.
Yoshi (off-screen, on the other side of the drawer): Waah!
Kamek reaches under the bed but hears the water stop running and then hides under the bed. Crump gets dressed and sits on the bed.
Meanwhile in the Battlerock Galaxy, we find Topmaniac’s floating platform that he was battled on. A giant top (Topmaniac) is waiting on top.
Topmaniac: When is he gonna get here?
Suddenly, King Boo (in an overcoat) crashes into the bottom of the platform and gets up to the top with Topmaniac.
King Boo: That Launch Star almost sent me in the wrong direction!
Topmaniac: Sorry about that. Say, if you’re Kooper, why are you a Boo? Isn’t Kooper a Koopa name?
King Boo: Uh, I ate a Boo Mushroom?
A Topman brings Topmaniac a pot.
Topmaniac: Okay, with this power it can get messy. Literally.
Meanwhile, Dimentio’s mom is talking to Bleck.
Dimentio’s Mom: Dang it, Blumiere! You gotta reap what you sow!
Bleck: I did that! Remember that week I was a farmer?
Dimentio’s Mom: Oh yeah. But still!
Bleck: What? Lots of people start families until they divorce and then have to start a new one. Except in my case, she died. I didn’t know! I’m innocent! YOU CAN’T PIN THIS ON ME, WOMAN!
Dimentio’s Mom: You’d better hope the Press doesn’t find out.
Bleck: But I owe it to this daughter, I thought she died!
Meanwhile, Mimi is looking at her necklace. Gadd comes in after she hides it.
Gadd: So you cut school?
Mimi: Mom said we could, to see the World’s Largest Cupcake!
Gadd: I have your giant sprinkle; it’s actually a giant bean.
Mimi: (It is?) Were you spying on me?
Gadd: Not completely. But you’re grounded!
Mimi: No way!
Gadd: Yes way! Even if I’m not your real dad!
Gadd leaves and Mimi punches her pillow.
Pillow: OUCH!
Mimi: What?
She forgets it and dials a number.
Merlee (on the other line): Yeah Mimi?
Mimi: Tell me about my real dad!
Merlee: He just figured out we’re alive and he’s flying down from Mushroom City.
Mimi: Cool!
Wolf O’ Donnell: Can’t let you do that, Star Fox!
Mimi: Who’s that?
Merlee: Oh, he’s my neighbor, he came over for lunch.
Mimi: Whatever.
They both hang up. Meanwhile in a building, Frankie speaks to a guy. Frankie is examining diamonds.
Merchant: (Heh, heh, heh… None of this will matter since you won’t get out alive… I wonder if I left the oven on again.)
Toad grabs Frankie.
Toad: WATCHOUTIT’SASETUPWEGOTTAGETOUTOFHERE!
Frankie: Holy moly!
Frankie dumps all the money out and grabs all the diamonds and they run away. Frankie quickly comes back for one dollar. Meanwhile, Elder is in an elevator with a mini Bill Blaster ready. Back with Toad and Frankie, they’re running to an elevator.
Toad: Who’s Don Pianta?!
Frankie: My ex-boss. (Could be trying to kill me for all that money I stole.)
Toad: YOU STOLE HIS MONEY?!
Toad frantically presses a button, ignoring Frankie’s questions about how Toad knew what he did. Elder is still riding up.
Frankie: Here, take this diamond to get me out of here!
Toad: Don’t bribe me!
Toad hears a voice.
Voice: (Okay, two mini Bills in the bodyguard, then one in the Pianta.)
Toad: (pulling out mini Bill Blaster) Crud! She’s here!
Soon she comes out of the elevator, but no one is present. The elevator opposite of her opens.
P.T.: See Kool, I told you it was here! … Is this a bad time?
Elder shoots at P.T. and Kool.
P.T.: AHH!
P.T.: He ducks, and when it hits the wall, he presses a button and the elevator goes back down.
Meanwhile, Yoshi is listening to Merluvlee on a phone.
Merluvlee: Yeah, I tricked this gecko and bird into getting the bag for me! I’ll meet you at the bus soon. Love you too, Nolrem, bye.
Yoshi: 0_0
Yoshi tries to get out of hiding behind the clothes rack but gets caught, and it falls over with him on it.
Merluvlee: Hi, Yoshi. I was just talking to, uh, my mom! Where’s the bag?
Yoshi: I am not gecko! Yoshi! And Kamek is a Koopa!
Merluvlee: … Just tell me where it is.
Yoshi: You’re evil! You trick Kamek, but not me!
Merluvlee: Oh yeah? Well, uh-
Suddenly the Mega Shell from (Not So) Super Paper Mario runs Yoshi over, knocking him out.
Meanwhile Toad and Frankie are going downstairs, with Frankie stopping occasionally to use his inhaler.
Toad: Come on!
Meanwhile up the stairs, a door slams open and Elder starts charging down the stairs. Toad hears her.
Toad: We gotta get off this stairwell!
The two enter a door. Elder passes a mirror.
Princess Shroob: Stop it! Or at least get me some ice cream!
Elder: Oh relax, you’ll get your body back… eventually.
She passes another mirror just finds herself in it.
Elder: Huh?
Princess Shroob (off-screen): Aha!
Elder looks to see her further up the stairs.
Princess Shroob: Stop it! You can’t go around trying to shoot two guys in the middle of the day! You didn’t even eat breakfast!
Toad enters the doorway but hears the spat.
Princess Shroob: Stop it!
Elder: Someone’s gonna repay Don Pianta!
Princess Shroob: Oh my DAD! YOU got me out of jail?!
Toad is surprised and dials a number.
Cursya: (whispering) Are you ordering a pizza? I like cheese pizza.
Toad: (whispering) Go away!
He does.
Toad: Yeah, Cop Guy, I need backup at the diamond shop downtown.
He and Frankie keep running.
Toad: One shooter, maybe two.
As they start running, Elder appears and starts shooting. They get into a fight. Soon Toad and Frankie reach a dead end.
Toad: Okay, get to the other end and I’ll hold her off.
Meanwhile, Elder is on a stairwell, when suddenly a mini Bill Blaster barrel touches her head. She turns around.
Toad: Drop the weapon over the railing!
Elder: How’d you get taller?
Toad: I’m wearing stilts.
She smiles as she drops her weapon and gets handcuffed to the railing.
Toad: Now where’s the other?
Elder: Who?
Toad: Oh come on! I heard you arguing with her, Princess Shroob is it?
Elder: You heard her? Probably ending Frankie’s game.
Toad: Oh crud!
Toad runs down the stairs but trips and falls all the way down because of his stilts.
Toad: I’m okay!
Toad finds Frankie behind a wall.
Toad: We gotta move!
Elder appears behind Toad.
Elder: Miss me?
Elder grabs Toad and throws him out the window, and he lands on a sign. She then smirks at Frankie.
Frankie: Crud.
Meanwhile, Merlee comes out of her tent to see Mimi.
Merlee: Here for your dad? Come on, let’s take a walk.
Soon…
Mimi: I think my mom’s sick. Can my dad help?
Merlee: I don’t think he’ll help. But you can have half of 50 grand!
Mimi: Sweet!
Mimi turns away and Merlee pulls out a cell phone. I really don’t know what goes on, but it causes Mimi to glare at Merlee.
Meanwhile, Toad wakes up, startled. He gets back inside to find Frankie dead, with a purple meteor through his body.
Police Pianta: Put your hands up!
Toad: It’s okay, I’m on the job.
Meanwhile, a blue shell crashes into the bottom of Topmaniac’s platform. He gets to the top to find King Boo inside a cardboard box decorated to look like Topmaniac. But he doesn’t know he’s King Boo.
Kooper: That Launch Star almost sent me in the wrong direction!
“Topmaniac”: Sorry about that.
Kooper: Topmaniac, you look very cheap and cardboard. And square.
“Topmaniac”: Uh, I had plastic surgery!
Kooper: Whatever. So what’s your power?
“Topmaniac” pulls out a toaster and a stubby, white arm sticks out of a hole in the side.
Kooper: What?
“Topmaniac”: Uh, I got it after the war! Yeah.
“Topmaniac” waves his hand over the toaster and it melts.
Kooper: Weird.
Meanwhile, a limo stops in front Merlee’s trailer.
Bleck: Go around the block repeatedly until I’m back.
Mr. L: Aww, but I get dizzy! Fine…
Bleck enters the tent and sits at a table with Merlee.
Bleck: You can’t blame me for this, I moved on because I thought you died!
Bleck gives her the envelope of money.
Bleck: Where is she?
Merlee: Just left. I have a picture of her on my phone.
He looks.
Merlee: She thought you’d save her from her life.
Outside, Mimi is listening. Bleck closes the phone and gets up.
Bleck: I gotta get back to my family. Sorry about this.
Mimi runs off as they start heading for the door. She watches Bleck get in the limo as it starts to drive away. She throws a rock at it, then hides. Bleck gets out and sees kids.
Bleck: It’s okay, Mr. L, just some kids.
Meanwhile, Kooper and “Topmaniac” are on top of Topmaniac’s platform sitting at a table that appeared out of nowhere.
Kooper: So how do you control it?
”Topmaniac”: Well it wobbles, then there’s peace.
Kooper: Riiight… Give me a DNA sample.
“Topmaniac”: Okay, I have a cotton swob, but I need to go into the kitchen first.
Kooper: This is just a platform.
“Topmaniac”: Oh yeah. Then I’ll just go to the bottom of the platform.
He goes down to the bottom to find the real Topmaniac, with the top of his head and the computer brain removed. “Topmaniac” pulls out a wire.
“Topmaniac”: If he’s a machine, that should suffice.
He comes back topside and gives Kooper the wire.
Kooper: Thanks. Now I’d recommend not telling anyone about this power. And you’re not the only one with a super power. Now I need to go find all of them.
“Topmaniac”: Let me help!
Kooper: Sure.
Meanwhile, Kamek gives the bag to Merluvlee.
Merluvlee: Thanks, now drive me to my mom’s!
Kamek: Okay. But where’s Yoshi?
Merluvlee: I took him to the guy who’ll introduce him to Don Pianta.
Kamek: But I didn’t give you the bag.
Merluvlee: Uh, I knew you would?
Kamek: Uh huh….
Merluvlee drags him away. Meanwhile Yoshi is in a pantry, trying to open the door.
Yoshi: HELP ME!
Finally, Lord Crump appears with the Bill Blaster (when it’s full sized, it’s just a cannon, as you know) and a big band-aid.
Crump: Lord Crump, Gritzy Desert… something I don’t know.
Yoshi makes the Vulcan sign.
Yoshi: I come in peace!
Crump: Doesn’t work with only four fingers.
Yoshi: I know.
Meanwhile, Toad is watching the crime scene get cleaned up. P.T. bursts in.
P.T.: SOMEONE IN THIS BUILDING IS A MURDERER!
Toad: You’re a little late. Wait, you’re telling me you’re the detective?
P.T.: Yes, I needed the money. Now how many were there?
Toad: Two, but I only saw one.
P.T.: Where are the diamonds?
Toad goes to the ceiling and gets out the case and takes out a bag of diamonds.
P.T.: (Dang it, that stupid Toad is such a terrible cop…)
Toad hears this and decides to put the bag in his pocket and leave.
P.T.: (What kind of cop doesn’t give you your mail?! Oh wait, that’s the mailman.)
Meanwhile…
Mimi: I’m back.
She finds Cackletta behind a counter, scared of Captain Gills.
Cackletta: Shoo!
Captain Gills: OH I DON’T THINK SO *(@^#)%*&#&)*%@&%! YOU HEARD ME!
Mimi: Mom?
Cackletta: This fish came out of nowhere and started yelling at me! It may have rabies.
Mimi: … Fish can’t have rabies!
She picks up his bowl.
Mimi: And I thought you loved Captain Gills!
Cackletta: Captain Gills? I don’t have pets! And who are you?
Meanwhile, Elder is on the phone in her kitchen.
Elder: Yeah, it’s time. (shouting to another room) SHROOB, DO I HAVE ANOTHER PACKAGE?
Shroob (from the yard): IN YOUR BEDROOM.
Elder goes there and pulls out a picture.
Elder (still on the phone): Yeah, I’ll do it.
It’s a photo of Bleck!
Wow, Dimentio
and Waluigi haven’t appeared once in this chapter, huh?
Chapter 16: Expected
In a Gritzy Desert shack, Bowser is drinking his tea when his computer “bings”. He finds an instant message from someone named Bomb. It says “Hello Bowser”.
Bowser: Huh? Bowser confused.
Another IM says “I heard what they did.”
Bowser: AHH! MAGIC COMPUTER!
A final IM says “Just turn around.” Bowser turns to find a small, pink Bob-omb behind him.
Bob-omb: Hi, I’m Bombette. And I have no last name. I have a super power that makes me basically a walking computer.
Bowser: What kind?
Bombette: Dell.
Bowser: EVIL!
Bombette: Shut up. Anyway, you can see a mark where my neck would be. It’s like yours!
Bowser sees it.
Bombette: I figure that I can find them, and then you can blow them up!
Bowser: Hmmm…
Meanwhile, Mimi is shocked, and still holding Captain Gills’s bowl.
Mimi: DAD!
She goes upstairs, with Green Shy Guy coming down playing Mario & Luigi 2.
Mimi: Where’s Dad?
Green Shy Guy: On a trip.
Mimi drags him down.
Mimi: Hey Mom, you forget this guy too?!
Cackletta: Mimi, stop messing with your brother.
Mimi: 0_0
Cackletta: Now set the table.
Mimi: But a second ago you didn’t remember Captain Gills, or me! Or that Snape kills-
Cackletta: Just set the table.
Meanwhile, Gadd is going through some paintings in Vincent’s place with Bogmire at the door.
Vincent: I’ve been trying to find him, but I kept painting empty scenes. Until I saw that!
Gadd: A portrait of a corndog?
Vincent: No, the one next to it.
Gadd sees a painting of an empty rooftop, but shoeprints are seen in a puddle.
Gadd: Ah, he’s invisible. I guess his super power gave him the super power of someone we thought died. Take this mini Bill Blaster and end his game if you need to.
Meanwhile, Toad opens a sock drawer to reveal the chapter’s name inside. Finally. There are diamonds hidden inside that Toad looks at. He hides them when he hears Toadette coming.
Toad: I’ll take that laundry.
Toadette: I’m good.
Toad: Let me.
Toadette: No!
Toad: Now!
Toadette: No!
She opens the drawer to find a ring.
Toad: Uh, it’s for you?
Toadette: Okay. Oh, and I got a call from Dr. Kooper, he wanted to talk to you about your DNA.
Meanwhile, in the Ammo Dump thing in the Battlerock Galaxy, Kooper and “Topmaniac”, after being launched, crash into a pile of garage.
Both: Ow.
Kooper: … Well I’m glad you’re on board, you might help convince some people. Plus we’ll get bonus points for using a Mario Galaxy character in this story!
“Topmaniac”: … Yay?
They continue to find a Gearmo welding some garbage together for no reason.
Kooper: Excuse me?
Gearmo: Yes?
Kooper: We’re looking for Gearvid Smither. Aha! Finally we can have someone use the same last name as in the real show since you’re made up!
Gearmo: I’m Gearvid! But I’m also just called Gear.
Kooper: Oh. I’m Kooper and this is Topmaniac. I left you messages.
Gear: Oh yeah. How’d you find me?
Kooper: Something about donating vim- or since you’re a robot, motor oil- and signing up for a genetics project.
Gear: Uh, no I didn’t.
“Topmaniac”: It’s okay, I know what you went through!
He sticks his stubby hand out to melt Gear’s wrench.
Gear: Oh come on! Anyway, yeah, my hearing- let me tell you! I was sleeping on my cot over there, and a Goomba waddling around on the platform where Mario saved a Luma sounded like a giant elephant stomping around!
Kooper: Goodness.
Gear: But then I started being able to control it. I can hear storms in other galaxies, I can hear moods, and I can hear heartbeats. Speaking of which, yours is kind of fast.
“Topmaniac”: Uh, no it’s not!
Gear: Riight. Just don’t take my super power away from me.
Kooper: I won’t. I just need to spend hours asking you questions.
Gear: Oh… I’m backed up today.
Kooper: Tomorrow?
Gear: I have to go to a funeral.
Kooper: Not anymore.
Gear: Okay.
Kooper and “Topmaniac” leave.
Meanwhile, Lord Crump frees Yoshi like last time.
Crump: Now who is Kamek?
Yoshi: My friend.
Crump: Where’s the girl and the bag?
Yoshi: With Kamek! Follow me!
Meanwhile, Bowser is putting flowers on Peach’s grave.
Bowser: Now to get revenge!
The flowers wither.
Bowser: Even though you probably wouldn’t condone what I’ll do.
All the grass around him dies.
Bowser: So bye.
All the grass in the cemetery dies.
Bowser: Forever probably.
Gas goes up a dollar. Meanwhile, Waluigi and Dimentio are on the same roof, and Waluigi is hitting Dimentio with a wooden pole, but Dimentio is trying to dodge, though it doesn’t look like it.
Waluigi: Come on! Say, why didn’t we appear in the last chapter?
Dimentio: I don’t know.
Dimentio is hit again.
Waluigi: Come on! Trying isn’t good enough! What, when you die do you want me to write “At least he tried” on your tombstone?
Dimentio: Aww, I wanted you to write “Ciao” on it.
Waluigi: … Anyway, just fly or paint a picture or find a way to save time and money on car insurance!
Dimentio: You mean like Geico?
Waluigi: NO GEICO JOKES!
The wooden pole is about to come down on Dimentio’s head again, but then Dimentio stops it with his mind, and snaps it.
Waluigi: You have The Force?
Dimentio: Yeah, I think there was this guy in Diamond City at that football game.
Waluigi: Hmm. Well done. You have earned your cloak back.
Dimentio puts it on. When it’s over his face and he can’t see, Waluigi hits him with a new pole. Meanwhile, Bob sees some paintings in Vincent’s apartment.
Bob: So Fred isn’t in any of these.
Vincent: I don’t think that’s his name.
Bob: Oh… You should find him.
Meanwhile, Crump is driving a car with Yoshi in the passenger’s seat.
Yoshi: Are we there yet?
Crump: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO! And with that… POW! You stop talking! Seriously, no wonder I don’t have a partner, all they do is bring you down or ruin you, or hit you on the forehead when you didn’t drink a V8, EVEN THOUGH YOU DID!
Yoshi: Uh?
Meanwhile, Kamek and Merluvlee pull up at the bus station.
Kamek: Your mom is here?
Merluvlee: Stop asking questions.
Kamek: … I’ll get the bag-
Merluvlee: I will!
Kamek: I insist-
Merluvlee: Let me!
Kamek: NO!
They both aim for the bag and pull separately, and it rips open to reveal poker chips.
Kamek: Zuh?
Merluvlee aims a mini Bill Blaster at Kamek.
Merluvlee: I SAID NO QUESTIONS!
Meanwhile, Kooper and “Topmaniac” ride the battle platform that Mario rode on and enter the Battleview Hotel.
Kooper: Thanks for sticking with me.
“Topmaniac”: When you glued me to your shell I had no choice.
Kooper: Yeah, it took a while to get off, huh? Anyway, here’s your key to the room that’ll be adjacent to mine. So yeah, my tests should help people suppress their powers to control them, or get rid of them if they want.
“Topmaniac”: I don’t want to hear your life story, man!
Kooper: Sorry, just these powers are dangerous. One guy named King Boo killed my dad! But he got captured though.
Kooper enters his room and “Topmaniac” enters his.
Meanwhile, Mimi is in the kitchen and Cackletta enters.
Mimi: Mom, why do you have all the headaches and memory loss?
Cackletta: I don’t know.
Mimi: Do you think there’s a person doing that?
Cackletta: No. Your dad is in charge of the doctors, though.
Mimi: Are you sure you can trust him?
Suddenly there’s a crash. Mimi turns and can’t see her mother. Then she looks down to see she’s on the floor, out cold, and having dropped her milk.
Mimi: Mom?
Meanwhile, Dimentio is watching Waluigi rearrange the birds.
Dimentio: Okay, I’ll bite, what’s with all the Pidgits?
Meanwhile, we can see Dimentio and Waluigi are being watched in heat vision by Gadd, no less with Bogmire in tow.
Gadd: Got your tazer?
Bogmire: No.
Gadd: You forgot your tazer?!
Bogmire: You never gave me one!
Gadd: Ugh. Fine, reach into my pocket and there should be a spare.
Bogmire does and pulls out a baby picture of Green Shy Guy.
Bogmire: So that is what a baby Shy Guy looks like.
Gadd swipes that and puts it back and then pulls a tazer out of his other pocket and gives it to Bogmire.
Bogmire: Okay then.
Gadd shoots at Waluigi and small darts hit him, knocking him out. Dimentio turns around and Bogmire aims for him.
Dimentio: Time Thingy!
Time slows down.
Dimentio: Awesome.
Dimentio focuses and the darts hit the ground and time resumes.
Gadd: What?!
Gadd and Bogmire start approaching them, but Dimentio drags Waluigi to the edge.
Waluigi: Ugh… Hey, what are you doing?!
Dimentio: I don’t know!
He swings, and throws Waluigi off, then jumps after him. Gadd and Bogmire then see Dimentio flying away, with Waluigi over his shoulder.
Gadd: There goes my day.
Gadd’s phone rings. It’s Mimi.
Gadd: Not now.
Mimi: But it’s Mom! She fainted and I called 911.
Gadd: 0_0
Bogmire takes the phone.
Bogmire: He’ll be there.
He hangs up for Gadd.
Gadd: Don’t talk to my daughter!
Bogmire: Okay.
Gadd: I guess Waluigi will have to wait.
Meanwhile, Toad empties all the diamonds and jewels into his hands. He hides them in his pocket when Toadette comes in.
Toadette: The jeweler thinks I stole this ring! How did you get it?!
Toad: Uh, the power of love?
Toadette: Try again.
Toad: The diamonds and stuff were from Frankie, the guy I was protecting. And I can’t return them because he died.
P.T.: WHY MUST THE GOOD DIE YOUNG?!
P.T. starts crying.
Toad: Oh yeah, and that guy just walked in out of nowhere… Did you even know Frankie?
P.T.: No. Not at all.
Toad: … Anyway, just give me the phone and I’ll give them to the precinct.
Toadette: Okay.
As she hands it to him, it rings.
Toad: … Yes, I can hear you know… Wait what? … Where? … Fine, I’ll be there, bye.
Toadette: Huh?
Toad: Gotta go.
Meanwhile, Waluigi wakes up in a field of flowers.
Waluigi: Huh?
Chuck Norris appears. He’s about to roundhouse kick him.
Waluigi: NOOOOOO-
He suddenly wakes up on Dimentio’s couch.
Waluigi: -OO… Huh?
Dimentio: Did you have a nightmare?
Waluigi: Yes…
He punches Dimentio in the face.
Dimentio: WHY?!
Waluigi: You put me on a suede couch! Suede! I deserve better than that! And those guys were after you and you knew!
Dimentio: Nuh-uh!
Waluigi: They’re why I’m invisible! And even so, the suede issue still stands!
Dimentio: I saved you, you lanky idiot!
Lanky Kong: Someone call me?
Dimentio: Get back in your cage!
Lanky: Okay.
Waluigi: Your friend Van Gore must’ve told them where we were! He disappeared for a while! First you vanish, then you wake up with a memory block, accompanied with a headache and then a souvenir, and then when you return you have a light lunch!
Dimentio: Souvenir?
He sees a hash mark on Waluigi’s neck. He also looks over to see three X’s tattooed on his neck like XXX.
Waluigi: I’m out of here! Enjoy your explosion!
He turns invisible, then leaves through the door, despite the fact there’s a hole in the wall. Dimentio is steamed.
Meanwhile, Bob comes into Bleck’s office. Bleck is at his desk, of course.
Bob: Have you heard from George?
Bleck: That’s not his name. Besides, I don’t think he wants to see me. And no.
Bob: What’d he do, fly out a window?
Bleck: Yes.
Bob: You should warn people about him. It’s time they knew about your super powers!
Bleck: Yeah, then they can run tests on us in a remote laboratory on an unknown island forever! Ooh! Sounds like fun, I’ll go tell everyone right now!
Bob: You will?
Bleck: NO!
Bob: You’re too negative! I’m voting for the other guy.
Bob leaves.
Meanwhile, Merluvlee is using her weapon to force Kamek into picking up the chips.
Kamek: I thought you liked me!
Merluvlee: No! Oh no, someone’s here!
A car pulls up and Yoshi and Crump get out. Crump loads a Bullet Bill into his Bill Blaster, aims it for Merluvlee, and is ready to pull a string.
Crump: I just want my share! And some fudge.
Merluvlee: Then try to get it!
She points her mini Bill Blaster at Crump.
Voice: Not so fast!
P.T. appears with two mini Bill Blasters, one aimed for Merluvlee and one for Crump.
P.T.: Nobody moves until I get an X-Naut flag for my collection.
The three characters are glaring at each other, like in a Western shootout.
Merluvlee: Okay, you want my chip and fudge, he wants your flag, well I want his shoes.
Crump: Okay, we all trade on 3. THREE!
Merluvlee gives P.T. the chips and fudge, P.T. gives Crump his shoes, and Crump gives an X-Naut flag to Merluvlee.
P.T.: Wait, this isn’t right. Oh well, these are empty anyway.
P.T. drops his empty weapons, and makes a straight dash for the flag and runs off laughing like an idiot. The remaining two start shooting at each other. Kamek gets hit in a shoulder and crawls away to meet Yoshi in front of a bus.
Yoshi: Are you okay?
Kamek: Yeah, I got my shoulder replaced with one made of iron after a bar fight a few years back.
Yoshi: We must hide!
Suddenly they hear an explosion. Crump’s car is no more.
Yoshi: No! I left my Wii in there! Oh, and Owen Wilson was in trunk.
Owen Wilson (off-screen): I’m okay!
Someone’s approaching. It’s Merluvlee, and she points her mini Bill Blaster at Yoshi.
Merluvlee: Game over!
Kamek: No! No game over, please!
She pulls the trigger, and Yoshi tries to stop time, but then time reverses and the Bullet goes back into her mini Bill Blaster.
Merluvlee: Zuh?
Crump appears and body slams her, which would hurt since he’s fat.
Crump: Hey!
Kamek: Was that your power?
Yoshi: I don’t know!
They head back to their car.
Yoshi: And look! Not one scratch on car!
Fate: Don’t tempt me.
Meanwhile, Gear is welding more trash together when he hears something.
Gear: Huh? I don’t hear footsteps.
Voice: There aren’t!
Gear looks to see “Topmaniac”.
Gear: Topmaniac? And you’re floating?
“Topmaniac”: Huh? Oh, I forgot about this box.
He takes it off to reveal King Boo! Who we already knew about!
Gear: You’re gonna kill me, aren’t you?
King Boo: Yeah.
Gear: Well we Gearmos recycle ourselves so a new one will be downloaded into my body, so let’s make this as clean as possible.
King Boo: What are you saying?
Gear: Instead of opening my head up, you can just slide the big black gear out of it.
King Boo: Hmm. Time saver. Okay, now to kill you.
Gear: … Aw dang!
Meanwhile, Cackletta is in a hospital bed with Mimi and Green Shy Guy near her. Dr. Mario enters. A cheering noise is heard from the audience now that Mario has finally appeared. You know, a cheering noise as if there was a laugh track. Which this story does not have.
Dr. Mario: Okay, we got the results. I’ll tell you…
He goes to a corner with Mimi.
Dr. Mario: She has a big bruise on the part of her brain that controls memory. Has she had some disorder like this?
Mimi: Not exactly?
Dr. Mario: Zuh?
Mimi: You won’t believe me.
Dr. Mario: Sure I will!
Mimi: There’s a ghost guy that works with my dad who can erase your memory.
Dr. Mario: … No, really.
Mimi: Really!
Meanwhile, Toad comes up to Bowser in the cemetery.
Toad: Bowser, stop exploding.
Bowser: I know what this hash means! They’re tracking us!
Toad: What?!
Bombette: It means the truth!
Toad: What?!
Bowser: Don’t worry, she’s a friend. Though she NEVER stands up for you when you get bullied!
Bombette: What?! We never ran into any bullies!
Bowser: Not as far as you know…
Bombette: Ignoring that.
Bowser: They think we’re like a plague!
Toad: Who’s “they”?
Bombette: Dunder Mifflin. Diamond City branch. They got all these needles and a tracking slip went to E. Gadd or something like that.
Toad: I’m not going back there!
Bowser: But I have an isotope in me!
Toad: Bowser, you’re that way by nature. Besides, if they track us, they’ll expect us!
Bowser: Come on!
Meanwhile, Gadd is talking to Mimi.
Gadd: They said she’ll be home tomorrow. The doctor told me an odd theory about your mom’s condition.
Mimi: The one that’s all your fault? Like when you tried to wipe my memory?
Gadd: I did not-
Mimi: LIES AND SLANDER!
Gadd: Fine, but if you know, you could get hurt! That guy from the homecoming game was at our house and he wanted to kill you, and your mom shouldn’t have to deal with those people!
Mimi: Like you?
Gadd: Fine, I won’t do that anymore.
Meanwhile, Kooper and King Boo (back in his disguise) take a pink Launch Star back to Gear’s place. Barely audible music is heard.
“Topmaniac”: GAAAAH!!!
Kooper: You okay?
“Topmaniac”: Yeah, it’s just a headache.
Kooper: Wait here.
He goes out and shouts for Gear, which hurts “Topmaniac’s” ears. Even though he has no visible ears.
Kooper: GEARVID! GEARVID- er, GEAR! WHERE ARE YOU?!
“Topmaniac”: Maybe we should come back later.
Kooper looks to see a totaled Gearmo body with motor oil everywhere, and a few pieces broken off entirely. Kooper runs into an outhouse to throw up.
“Topmaniac”: Something wrong?
Kooper’s arm breaks through the door, pointing at the general area. “Topmaniac” slides over (he can’t float or he’ll blow his cover) and sees the remains.
“Topmaniac”: (Wow. I’m thorough. But in retrospect, maybe I could be a bit cleaner about it.)
He hears Kooper dialing a phone number.
“Topmaniac”: Are you calling the police?
Kooper: Duh!
“Topmaniac”: But they’ll want to know why we’re here and where we came from, and we have to find a way to do this without looking crazy.
Kooper: I just know King Boo did this!
“Topmaniac”: Him? He’s at large on Plit, why would he be in a far-off place like the Battlerock Galaxy all of a sudden?
Kooper: I need to warn them.
“Topmaniac”: Can we just do that from the road?
Kooper: Okay.
“Topmaniac”: But first a bathroom break.
Meanwhile, Crump and Merluvlee are put in a police car that drives away.
Yoshi: Why is arm in sling?
Kamek: Turns out, the Bullet Bill hit my real shoulder. The iron one was on the other side so that explains why it hurt after all.
Yoshi: Mushroom Kingdom too dangerous for you. You go back.
Kamek: But the mission!
Yoshi: My mission.
Kamek: Okay.
Kamek walks away.
Yoshi: YOU COULD PRETEND TO BE UPSET!
Meanwhile, the Gadds enter their house, with Green Shy Guy keeping Cackletta up. He helps her upstairs and Mimi tries to walk away, but Gadd grabs her arm.
Gadd: Hello! Your mother needs you!
Mimi: Why bother? You’ll probably just make us all forget this!
Kool-Aid Man: You have been kind of a jerk.
Gadd: Get out of here.
Kool-Aid Man runs through the wall.
Gadd: D’oh! I just paid for that!
Mimi turns around and finds Bowser.
Gadd: … Green Shy Guy, get your mom out of here!
They come down to the bottom of the stairs, Cackletta holding Captain Gills. Then Toad comes in with a mini Bill Blaster. Then P.T. lowers down on a rope (without his shoes).
P.T.: I wanted to be part of the action.
Meanwhile, Vincent has just painted a black and white picture of Dimentio in his studio, looking mad. Vincent turns to find a mad Dimentio.
Vincent: Wow, that was a short-range trance.
Dimentio: WHY DID YOU DO IT?!
Vincent: Huh? Oh, I was trying to stop you from blowing up. But you appear to be now. But not in the same sense. We were just gonna help!
Dimentio: I had help! But he got scared off by your guys!
Vincent: Well one of them is a ghost, after all.
Dimentio: DIE!
Dimentio pushes Vincent into a table. He also finds hash marks on his neck.
Dimentio: What?
Vincent: Nothing!
Dimentio: Lies!
He raises his hands, and Vincent flies into some paintings. Dimentio then sees the painting with him and Bob on the roof.
Dimentio: And you think you can make it better by getting that Goomba away from me?!
Vincent grabs the mini Bill Blaster that Gadd gave him.
Vincent: I was sick of you two getting more lines with each other! He’s my best friend!
Dimentio: That’s stupid!
Vincent: If I just pull this trigger, I can save Mushroom City!
Dimentio: What’s that?
Vincent looks away as Dimentio turns invisible. He looks back to see nothing. However, paint cans are now flying at him. Vincent keeps blocking them, using a palette as a shield.
Dimentio: YOU’RE NOT A HERO! YOU WERE A FREAKING BOSS IN LUIGI’S MANSION! AT LEAST I WAS A FINAL BOSS! AND I WOULD’VE GLADLY LET YOU TAKE BOB AWAY FROM ME!
Vincent: Dang it, where are you?!
He hears a noise and spins and shoots at the doorway. He then sees he just shot Bob.
Vincent: O_O
Dimentio: (At least now we’re rid of Bob.)
Bob: Huh?
He looks down to see his chest.
Bob: Oh criminy. That looks terrible!
He faints. Dimentio appears next to his body.
Dimentio: Ha ha! Er, I mean… Oh no. (Not.)
Vincent comes over to him.
Vincent: Oh no! Bob!
Bob dies.
Vincent: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Dimentio: WE GET IT!
Vincent: … -O.