Napkin Mario

By ducky.10

Now it is time... for the epic conclusion of Napkin Mario! And it's about time too, because this is the first ongoing Fun Fiction ducky's completed because none of his other ideas were good enough!
Ducky.10: It's true...
Anyway, this is the 100%, not foolin', no kidding around, not messin' with you CONCLUSION! So enjoy it while you can!
DragonBall Z opening guy: In the last episode of Napkin Mario, Mario collected the last Star Spirit and was transported to Star Haven, where he was left with his underappreciated party members to prepare to fight King Bowser... Will Mario be able to defeat the overgrown Koopa tyrant himself? Will he also attempt to fix the shattered relationship between himself and the princess? Find out in the epic conclusion of Napkin Mario!
Chapter 18: To Bowser's castle!!
Bow's voice: Mario... Mario, wake up, you fatty!
Kooper's voice: Just leave him, we could probably beat Bowser ourselves. Besides, all this fat red guy does is curse and mindlessly beat on us.
Parakarry's voice: You got that right.
Bow's voice: Wait, he's waking up!
Kooper's voice: Darn. I was gonna write on his face.
Mario: You do realize I heard everything you said, right?
Kooper and Parakarry huddle in fear.
Mario: Ah, forget it. My head hurts too much to resort to violence... Gosh, how much did I drink?
Kooper: Look behind you.
Mario turns around to witness the bar, with a sign on it that reads “Out Of Business'”
Mario: WOAH. Anyway, let's get going. I gotta beat up Bowser sober, you know.
Mario heads east of Star Haven and finds all 7 Star Spirits gathered in some sort of shrine.
Eldstar: You saved us all!
Misstar: Stop leaning against me, Muskular!
Muskular: I can't help it, my arms hurt from punching Klevar too much.
Klevar: I'm violently allergic to death... URK!
Klevar falls dead.
Eldstar: That is worth a rimshot.
Mario: You've got class, Eldstar.
Eldstar: We are glad you saved us when you did.
Klevar's ghost: Except me. I got violently allergic to Muskular's punches.
Eldstar: We get it, Klevar. Just go to your room. Now, Mario, we are going to give you a super awesome attack you can use against Bowser... The Star Beam!
Mario: Sounds lame.
Eldstar: It's not lame! You're lame! And fat! Just accept the power so you can beat Bowser!
Mario: FINE! Gosh.
The Star Spirits dance around a bit in circles and Mario gets all sparkly.
Mario: Yay.
Eldstar: Now you must travel to Bowser's Castle, and luckily, we are going to give you transportation!
Mario: Cool! I hope it looks like the Batmobile only with super engines and plasma canons and rocket lawn chairs and rocket launchers and can fly in the sky with hovercraft-like turbo boosters only times a MILLION...!
Suddenly, the ship appears, and looks nothing like Mario expected. Mario's mouth drops open in disbelief.
Eldstar: It is the Star Ship!
Mario: It looks like a pair of blue tighty-whities with wings on the side! You call that thing a SHIP?! It's the equivalent of the Millennium Falcon compared to a Tie Fighter! Plus, this thing has WAY more dents than the Millennium Falcon.
Bow: Making Star Wars references, are you Mario? I'm surprised that train engineer doesn't pop up again...
Mario: Don't give the author any ideas. Anyway, I hope that thing has seatbelts, 'cause I'm gonna go ALL-OUT on that thing!
Eldstar: Maximum is 20mph.
Mario: AWWW, FUDGE!!! *sigh* Okay, I see how this is gonna be. Let's just go, everyone.
Mario and his party enter the sad excuse for a ship and begin lightly propelling toward Bowser's castle.
Mario: So... seen any good movies recently?
Bow: No...
2 hours of flying later...
Watt: Are we there yet?

Mario: No, but I wish we were.
Goombario: I WOULD DO ANY-
Goombario: BUT I WOULD-
Mario: Okay, that's it. OUT YOU GO!
Mario picks up Goombario and tosses him out of the Star Ship... revealing that during the past 2 hours they have been cruising, they have only lifted 2 feet off the ground. Goombario jumps back in with ease.
Mario begins slamming his fists against the vehicle's controls, and a secret button pops up. Mario stops his violent tantrum and stares at the button. Curious, he presses it, immediately sending the Star Ship flying maximum velocity into the sky.
Everyone on board: AAAAAAHHHH, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
Bowser's Castle soon comes into view and the Star Ship smashes through the mouth entrance, also crushing a Koopatrol inside. Mario and his shaken party then exit the flying weapon and shake themselves off.
Koopatrol: Ack... My pancreas...
Mario: WOAH, I guess I misjudged the capability of that thing... Hey, a key!
Mario: Shweet!
Bow: You can use that to go through the front door... but there might be a lot of guards...
Mario: Indeed... I guess it's time to go Metal Gear!

Mario pulls out the classic Metal Gear box and unlocks the door. He cautiously sneaks in, watching the guards talking. He then slumps over in the corner, seemingly out of sight.
Koopatrol 1: So, what do you think Bowser is up to?
Koopatrol 2: Probably filling up on Twinkies, that fat turtle. He fired Gary, you know. You wanna know what for? Coming to work with a cold.
Koopatrol 1: WHAT?! Wow, what a cow.
Mario: I agree.
Koopatrol 1: Anyone would. Wait, who was that?!
*Metal Gear discovered sound*
Bow: Ulp!
Koopatrol 1: W-who's there?! Harry, I'm scared!
Koopatrol 2: Is it a ghost? ... Are you a g-g-g-ghost?!
Mario: Um... *in a ghoulish voice* Yesss, Bwa, ha, ha, haaa! I'll eat you alive!
Koopatrols: EEK!!! RUN AWAY!!!
The Koopatrols cheeze it and don't look back. Mario then whips the box away and continues through the castle. He then enters a room with a gateway shaped like Bowser's ugly mug.
Mario: Eugh! What a hideous carving!
Bowser Gateway: Hey! I happen to be sensitive about the way I look. Anyway, I'll open if you stand on that square.
Mario and his party step on the square. The floor drops out from beneath them and they stand, clueless, in midair.
Bowser Gateway: JUST KIDDING, GWA, HA, HA, HA! But I'll let you up next time. Are we cool?
Mario and Party: AAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Mario and all of his party members fall into a jail, where everyone sits, imprisoned.
Mario: Well, that was surprising. Anyway, are you ready to blow up, Bombette?
Bombette: Noooo!
Mario whips Bombette at a crack in the wall and blasts a hole in it. Mario enters the room and sees a whole bunch of lava everywhere.
Mario: Woosh, I'm gonna need Parakarry for this one.
Parakarry: Not in a million years. That's LAVA, Mario. I'll die if I touch it!
Mario: So will I.
Parakarry: ... Good point, let's go.
Mario hops on Parakarry and together they fly across the lava and into the next room safely.
Parakarry: Wow, I didn't know I could do that.
Bow: ... You didn't. It was Ducky.10 using Gameshark. You were actually supposed to use Lakilester.
Lakilester: *sniff* All I got to do was get beat up and shoved into a fat guy's pocket...
Mario: Let's keep going.
Mario advances to the left until he finds a block.
Mario: I didn't even open it yet, wait your turn!
*sigh* Mario hits the block, getting an item.
Mario: AHEM!
Oh, sorry. *cough cough* YOU GOT A LIFE SHROOM!!!
Mario: 'Bout time.
Mario keeps going left and travels through a tunnel. He winds up in Bowser's moat outside.
Mario: Hey, I see an item!
Mario leaps up onto several platforms and hits the block, getting an item.

Mario: I don't know what any of these badges do, it's pretty redundant to be collecting them.
Bow: When in doubt, get the power... NINTENDO POWER!
Mario: No thanks, I'll be fine.
Bow: You have to go back inside toward the jail cell again.
Mario: Ugh, I hate swinging between places. Now I know how Donkey Kong feels.
Bow: That was awful.
Mario: Shut up.
Mario heads back into the lava chambers outside the jail cell, noticing a blue switch.
Mario: Moving platforms... brings back memories.
Mario misses the jump and hits the lava, burning his blue-overalled butt.
Parakarry: Maybe you should fly over with me.
Mario: I'm so glad we could be friends after all the things I did to you...
Parakarry kicks Mario back into the lava.
Parakarry: Serves you right, fatty.
Mario: Okay... I deserved that. Now can we get on with the adventure?
Parakarry: Yeah, that's pretty much all I wanted to do.
Mario: Okay. Let's go.

Chapter 19: Almost done now...
Mario continues hopping along the moving platforms until he comes to several large gaps.
Parakarry: Okay, let's do this.
As Parakarry is lifting Mario, Mario's gloves fall off his hads and he falls into the lava.
Parakarry: That wasn't my fault that time! Your gloves... slipped... off...
Mario's hands are revealed to be horribly filthy, encrusted with dirt and covered in bumps and sores.
Bow: Ewwww!
Parakarry: Dude, that's SICK! Don't you ever wash your hands?!
Mario: No. Why do you think all us plumbers where gloves?
Parakarry: That makes no sense!
Mario: Do not question a plumber who knows what he's doing.
Bow: You don't know how to wash your hands, evidently.
Mario: SHUT UP.
Mario slips his gloves back on and Parakarry grips onto his hands tighter this time, not wanting the gloves to slip of again. After getting across the gaps, Mario comes across a Mystery Bag floating over a pool of lava.
Mario: Seems easy. Kooper, get out here!
Mario drags Kooper out of his pocket and kicks his shell out to bring him the item.
Mario: What's in it?
Mario opens it, revealing a lit bomb.
Morshu: BOMBS? You want it? It's yours, my friend.
It explodes in Mario's face, and Bowser's laughter is heard from across the castle.
Mario: Laugh it up, chuckles... I'll get you yet.
Mario keeps walking until he is halted by a lava waterfall. ... Err, lavafall.
Bow: You need to use MEEEE! :D
Mario: Oh, joy.
Mario and Bow uses the Outta Sight ability and pass through the lava.
Bow: Yay, I'm useful in more ways than one!
Mario continues with his party into the next room, where there is a door leading north.
Bow: Go north.
Mario: Get ye flask.
Parakarry: Stop that.
Mario goes through the door and happens upon 2 Koopatrols and a Magikoopa.
Koopatrol 1: It's Mario!
Koopatrol 2: GET 'IM!
Magikoopa: Yes, get him! Both of you... while I leave.
The Magikoopa runs away.
Mario: Chicken. Anyway...
Mario boots both of the Koopatrols into the lava.
Koopatrols: AAAUUUGGH!!!
Mario smashes the switch with his hammer, and nothing happens.
Mario: ... What did that do?!
Bow: You can now walk on lava!
Mario: Really? :D
Parakarry: Let's try it out.
Parakarry pushes Mario into the lava.
Mario: Ow, this is solid! Thanks, Parakarry.
Parakarry hits the switch again, reverting the lava back to normal.
Mario: AAAAUUUUUUGGGHHH!!! What's your beef?!
Parakarry: Oh, nothing.
Parakarry hits the switch again and they continue their adventure through Bowser's Castle. Mario happens upon another item.
Mario: Cool. This item I could use.
Mario continues left until he happens upon a door facing north. He goes through it, finding a key.
Mario: What to?
Mario: Great.
Mario then heads right, where he finds a locked door. He uses the key to unlock it, and enters a dark part of the castle.
Mario: WOW, very dark. Watt, get out here.
Watt: Yay, the author-
Mario: Yeah yeah, the author loves you. Correction, no he doesn't. He loves no one.
Mario brightens the room with Watt and follows the stone path until he comes to a fork in the road.
Mario: Great, it's a maze.
Bow: Go straight.
Mario does so and crosses the gap with Parakarry. He then comes to another fork in the road.
Mario: Which way? WHICH WAY?! I MIGHT GET LOST!
Bow: Straight.
Mario once again goes straight until he comes across a gap.
Bow: Fall down.
Mario: WHAT?! Is this payback for the things I did to you?! We don't have time for that, we have to keep going!
Bow: I wish, but you actually do have to fall down.
Mario: Pfft, nice try. I'm not budging from-
Parakarry pushes Mario down the gap.
Mario: NOOOOOOoooooo...
Mario ends up in back in the Bowser Gate room.
Bowser Gate: I'll let you pass, now... We're cool, right?
Mario: Yeah, right. (Loser.)
Mario enters a large room with a save point. He hits it.
Mario: Gotta save my progress so my Lemmy 64 won't crash and delete all my data.
Bow: Go up and right.
Mario then heads up the stairs and goes right, heading into a room with a springboard.
Mario: Cool!
Mario jumps onto it, and it sends him flying through the ceiling. He ends up in a room with another Bowser Gate.
Mario: Oh great, you again.
Bowser Gate: Yes, Gwa, ha, ha, ha! Now you'll have to answer some questions in order to pass!

Mario: As long if isn't the Tower of Tragedy's questions, I'm fine with it.
Bowser Gate: Very well. Question 1. what color was Grunty's scarf?
Mario: Purple.
Bowser Gate: Correct. Question 2, what did Bowser crash into while raiding Peach's Castle?
Mario: A china cabinet.
Bowser Gate: C-correct... Question 3, what was the first thing you heard Klevar was violently allergic to?
Mario: Loneliness.
Bowser Gate: You'll be stumped on this one. Final Question, what color is your hat?
Mario: Uhh... um...
Parakarry: Oh, you gotta be freakin' kidding me. MARIO, YOUR CAP IS-
Mario: Shut up, Parakarry! I gotta figure this one out for myself... um...
2 hours later...
Mario: Um... err...
The Bowser Gate explodes.
Mario: Loser. I knew it was red, I just made sure he would crack.
Parakarry: Are you sure you knew it was red?
Mario: Shut up, Parakarry.
Mario passes through the gate and exits outside the castle onto a bridge. Mario then comes across some steps and climbs up. He goes through the next door, to reveal another room that resembles the large room from before.
Mario: This place looks the same as the other one! Bowser's a lazy architect.
Bowser's voice: NO I'M NOT!!!
Mario: YES YOU ARE!!!
Bow: You should save to prevent the emulator from freezing.
Mario: You're right.
Before Mario can hit the block, everything starts going haywire.
Mario: WOAH, what in the world’s happening?!
Bow: I think it's about to lock up! We'll need to save before we lose all of our progress!
Mario hits the save point and somehow ends up outside Peach's Castle.
Mario: ... HUH?!
Bow: That was... odd.
Mario: It's fine for me. Let's go!

Chapter 20: Bowser REALLY stinks...
Mario enters the front door of Peach's Caslte and leaps up to the second floor. He then goes into the library.
Mario: Hey, a dictionary! I'm keeping this.
Mario shoves the dictionary in his pocket and leaves the room. He then runs upstairs into the main hallway, where Bowser is standing.
Bowser: Ah, Mario. Just like every Bond villain, I've been expecting you, plotting your demise. And now, I get to use the power of “The Thingy” to strike you down!
Mario: That's a pretty ridiculous name for an ultimate weapon.
Bowser: Hey! If I'm ridiculous, then you're REDiculous!
Mario: ... NO ONE CALLS ME RED! Have at you!
HP: 50
DF: I dunno
DF: Just get on with the battle already!
Mario used Mega Jump! 20 damage!!
Mario: WHA?!
Bowser: That really hurt! I'm gonna hurt you now! Grr!
Bowser used punch! 1 damage.
Mario: Uhhhhh... What was that?
Bowser: Prepare to feel the wrath of The Thingy!
Bowser used The Thingy! He was surrounded by an aura of light!
Mario: DIE!!!
Mario used hammer! 5 damage!
Bowser: Ow! I don't like you!
Bowser used punch! 15 damage!!
Mario: Ow, that hurt!
Mario used sissy-slap! It didn't work too well...
Bowser: HA, HA, HA! Who's laughing NOW, Mario?!
Mario: You.
Bowser: That was a rhetorical question, dummy!
Bowser socked Mario! 12 damage!
Mario: OW! Die!
Mario used Star Beam! It shattered Bowser's aura!
Bowser: AAHHH!!! NOOO!!!
Mario used hammer! 30 damage!
Bowser: Err, that wasn't fair. You cheated.
Mario: I wish I did, but I didn't. Good try though.
Bowser: Grr, meet me at the top of the tower stereotypically, for we will have our FINAL BATTLE THERE!
Mario: Are you trying to seem more ferocious? Because it isn't working.
Bow: AT ALL.
Bowser: Shut up! Just fight me one more time and we'll call it a draw.
Mario: Uhh, no. We fight you, you lose, and you don't bug me anymore.
Bowser: Uh... DEAL! Just fight me one time, I wasn't ready!
Bowser runs away.
Mario: That was pathetic. Let's finish this so I can go home and watch CSI: Miami!
All Party Members: YEAH!!!
Mario: How supportive. Please stop.
Mario walks along the hall and travels up the tower. There, from a wonderful view, he walks across a wooden bridge onto a flying platform, an ideal place for a final battle. Bowser stands there guarding Peach, who is tied up.
Mario: All right, Bowser. THIS IS FOR PEACH!!!
Peach: What about Luigi?
Mario: Eh, I hated him anyway. Anyway, let's fight!
Bowser: As you wish. But first, I'm gonna juice up!
Bowser begins doing push-ups weakly, drinking buckets of Gatorade, and jogging in place. Mario stands idly by, fixing his overalls and adjusting his cap. Kammy, also standing by, grows tired of Bowser's warm-ups, so she zaps him with her wand and he gets super big and blue flames appear on his back.
Bowser: WOAH!!! I knew Gatorade was good for you, but MAN! I guess I was in pretty good shape after all, huh, Kammy?
Kammy: *sigh* Yes, King Bowser.
Bowser: Now Mario, now that I'm big and fiery, let's do battle!
Mario's eyes are widened and his mouth is hanging open.
Bow: Mario... Are you okay-
Mario attempts to run, but all of his party members pop out and restrained him from escaping.
Mario: NO!!! NO, PLEASE!!! AAAAHHH!!!
Bowser: Uhh...
Peach: Uhh...
Kammy: Uhh...
Bowser: STOP.
Peach and Kammy: Fine...
Mario: You can't make me! I don't wanna!
Bow: Mario, just freakin' fight him already!
Parakarry: Stop wiggin' out!
Mario: ... Fine, I'll fight him.
Mario gets up slowly and begins shaking uncontrollably.
Bowser: Are... you okay?
Mario: Yeah... yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, I'm fine.
Bowser: Okay then. FIGHT TIME!!!

Fiery Bowser
Cowardly Mario
HP: So-so
DF: I dunno
Mario used hammer! The attack was ineffective!
Mario: Darn!
Bowser used flame breath! TOTAL OWN! 22 damage!
Mario: GAH!!!
Bowser began laughing so hard he fell over!
Mario: Ah-HA!
Mario used Mega Jump! 32 damage!
Bowser: Ow, my tummy!
Watt used Electro Shock! 14 damage!
Bowser got back up!
Bowser: It's time to unleash THE THINGY!!!
Bowser used The Thingy! He was surrounded by an aura of light!
Mario used Star Beam! IT DIDN'T WORK!!! :O
Mario: WHAT?!
Bowser: He, he, he! You're so pathetic! I think I might wet my shell!
Peach: I may not like Mario, but I have to do something...
Twink flew down and cracked Kammy in the side of the head, rendering her unconscious.
Twink: Hi! :D
Peach: Can you grant wishes?
Twink: Yup.
Peach: Can you grant me a wish?
Twink: No.
Peach: Why?

Twink: Get me a chocolate bar. :)
Bowser: He, he, he! I'm big and you're small!
Mario: How did that not work?!

Peach: Mario, do you have a chocolate bar?
Mario: A CHOCOLATE BAR?! WHY WOULD I HAVE A... Why yes, actually, I do.
Mario throws the chocolate bar at Peach. She then bites through the ropes and gives it to Twink.
Twink: This isn't the kind I like. Ptooie!
Twink throws the chocolate bar off the edge of the platform.
Peach: You better grant my wish, or I'll kick your Star Kid BUTT!
Twink: Eep! Okay, what do you want?
Peach whispers into Twink's nonexistent ear. He nods, and sends a flaring ball of energy right at Mario. It hits him, and Mario is surrounded by a golden aura.
Mario: Meme Beam?! Aww, yeaah! All right, Bowser, TAKE THIS!
Mario used FALCON PAWNCH!!! 43 damage!!
Bowser: OW!!! What in the world was that?!
Bowser used punch! The attack was ineffective.
Mario used Weegee Stare! 50 damage!!
Bowser: AAAHH, IT BURNS!!!
Bowser used fire breath! 3 damage!
Mario: All right, time to finish this...
Mario used Meme Beam! IT'S OVER 9000 DAMAGE!!!

Epilogue: The Ending to the Stupid Adventure

Bowser: Blarrrrghh... So many memes... Falcon punch... Over... 9000... Ugh.
Mario: Hoo... That was intense. Wait... I... won?!
Bow: Yes, Mario, you won.
Mario: I... WON?!
Parakarry: Um... Are you okay, Mario?
Bow: Yes, Mario, you won. We get it.
Mario runs up to Bowser, who is laying on the ground.
Mario: IN-YOUR-FACE!!! I BEAT YOU!!! HA, HA, HA, HA!!!
Suddenly, the Lemmy 64 crashes. All the save data is lost and Mario is sent back to Luigi at the Twister mat.
Luigi: Good game.
Mario: ... Yeah. You did good.
Luigi: Gee, thanks!
Parakarry: MAIL CALL!
Mario, this time, walks out of his house to pick up the mail.
Parakarry: Nice day today, eh, Mario?
Mario: I'll say. Hmm... An invitation from Peach... Could you tell her that I won't be able to come?
Parakarry: I'll be sure to let her know.
Mario: Gee, thanks. Here's a little something for your trouble.
Parakarry closes his eyes, and when he does so, Mario socks him in the face and walks back inside. He then flops on the couch and flips on CSI: Miami. Meanwhile, at Peach's Castle...
Parakarry: Yeah, Mario said he wouldn't be able to come. Then he punched me.
Peach: Aw, crud! There goes a whole kidnapping plan down the toilet.
Bowser: Yeah, and I got this weird wand thing, too!
Peach: We'll save this for another day, I guess.
Bowser: Awwww.
Luigi: Hey, Mario, did we get any mail?
Mario: ... Just some bills. That's pretty much it.
Luigi: That's odd, I heard about a party at Peach's-
Luigi: Woah! O-okay, Mario.
Mario: *sigh* It's a long story.
Luigi: I know, I read it in Lemmy's Land.
Mario's eyes widen.
And that, my friends, is the conclusion to Napkin Mario: a parody of a parody that hopefully entertained you until you began reading this paragraph. Why? Well, because this is basically saying it's over. Which it is, but there will be a new Fun Fiction on the way:

Super Wario Sunline!
Like the sound of it? This next fan fiction will have artwork to follow the writing, drawn by yours truly, Ducky.10. So keep an eye out for that, I should have the first installment up soon... Thank you for reading Napkin Mario, and I hoped you enjoyed reading as much as I did writing.
Wow, that sounded really corny.

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