Hello children... or koopas... or forty-year-old guys with no life. Today I’m going to tell you a bedtime story so boring it’ll have to put you to sleep. Before our senseless world today with walking turtles and mushrooms that make you ten feet tall, there was a simpler world back in the cave ages. Although, it was a lot tougher in those days. Man had to strive for food and since there wasn’t much to their knowledge but rocks, rock-paper-scissors games were pretty limited. But worst of all, their only beds were rock, so they needed bedtime stories. They then decided to write a large book that doesn’t make much sense because all they had was rocks and no literature. That book emphasized the dark cruelty of life and is to this day known as the Dark Prognosticus. Whoops, I spilt ketchup on the words. The word prognosticus confused them so much, that they got tired and fell asleep thinking about it. Of course the ancient Geeks (Plit’s version of Greeks) dulled it down a little so it will end happily. This false book is called the Light Prognosticus. Stupid ketchup.
Voice: Hey! Who’s touching my ketchup?!
Super Troopa comes down and reveals I’m just a hobo on his couch and... I’m dead, aren’t I?
Super Troopa: Leave! And stop making
fun of Greeks. I love Greeks. So... am I supposed to say something humorous?
Oh well.
Prologue: The Four Zeroes
In Lemmy’s room...
Lemmy: *yawn* so bored.
Iggy: Tell me about it. Roy hasn’t beaten me up lately.
Lemmy: And I haven’t had many submissions today.
Both: *sigh*
Lemmy: You know what? We’ve been saying this for the past few hours. Someone has to have sent something in by now!
He checks his computer.
Computer: You have 1 new messages.
Lemmy: I should really get a computer with better grammar.
Iggy: Who is it?
Lemmy: It’s a new tourist. He says it might be kind of long. Meh. I bet it’s not too long. Let’s open the file.
Computer: Loading, Loading, Loading, Loading...
Several hours later...
Computer: Loading, Loading, Loading, Loading...
Both: AAAAAAAARGH!!!
They take the computer and chuck it at a wall.
Computer: Dying, Dying, Failing, Fa...i...l.....i.....n....q- I mean g!
It explodes.
Lemmy: Well, that was pointless.
Iggy: Hm... Let’s go annoy Wendy.
Lemmy: Oh my DAD, that is the greatest idea ever!
Iggy: Yeah, I knew you’d like it!
They go into Wendy’s room, but...
Both: Wendy’s gone!
Lemmy: Where could she be?
Iggy: I don’t know. The malls are closed today.
Lemmy: And every other time she’s either taking a “beauty” rest or sharpening her shuriken.
Iggy: Hey, what’s this?
Iggy opens up a giant chest and the music plays like when you get something important in a Zelda game.
Da Da Da Daaaaaaaa!
You got Wendy’s shuriken. Equip them with either <, v, or >, and... I don’t know, floss with them?
Iggy: Cool.
Lemmy: This isn’t a Zelda game.
Iggy: Says you! Now give me Park Place!
Lemmy: Well, whatever. Let’s go get Ludwig. He seems to know everything. Except how to get a good hair stylist.
Iggy: Okay.
Meanwhile…
Ludwig: Finally. I have almost finished conducting an experiment that will make us Koopas entirely invincible! Now I just have to add one drop of... this swirly stuff and it’s easy street for us! Mwuhahahaha! Easy... steady... slowly-
Lemmy knocks on the door.
Lemmy: LUDWIG! WENDY’S GONE!
Ludwig: Gah!
He nearly falls and breaks it, but he doesn’t.
Ludwig: Will you leave me alone?! I’m in the middle of conducting an important experiment, so what do you want to do that’s so important?
Iggy: We want to annoy her.
Ludwig: Forget what I’m doing, that sounds fun!
He knocks all of the stuff off of his table and lets them in.
Ludwig: So what troubles you- Oh yeah, right, Wendy.
Lemmy: Where could she be?
Ludwig: With King Dad?
Lemmy: No. He’s been out shopping to buy a new hamster ever since Fudgie died.
Ludwig: Well... we could wait for something to advance the plot.
Voice: Help me!
Lemmy: Wow, Ludwig, you were right!
Iggy: But who could that be?
Voice: Just help me, losers!
All Three: Wendy!
Wendy appears in a box.
Wendy: What are you waiting for? Do something?
...
Wendy: Guys!
Iggy: Existing is something.
Wendy: Ugh!
A strange figure appears. He is wearing a cloak that’s white on top but transitions to red and then blue as it goes down. He has a blue face and a monocle. He has an evil smile with a red mouth, and his non-monocled eye is also red. He has a white top hat with- well, you get the point.
Iggy: And who are you?
Count Bleck: Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck! Your princess has been taken... by Count Bleck!
Lemmy: She’s no princess. She’s a drama queen!
Bleck: Right. Anyway, the destroyer of all worlds... is Count Bleck. The chosen executor of the Dark Prognosticus- Hey!
Lemmy: (holding ketchup) Sorry.
Bleck: ...is also Count Bleck!
Ludwig: Yeah, well the only dork who’s dumb enough to wear a cape and a monocle... is also Count Bleck!
Lemmy: Who is this Count Bleck anyway?
Bleck: ... Well whatever. Now any questions before your worlds end?
Lemmy: Are you a Smurf or is your cloak on too tight?
Bleck: No more questions. Now-
Iggy: Not so fast!
He throws the shuriken but they go right through his cloak.
...
Bleck: Well what did you think would happen? I’m a stupid head with hands, a cloak, and a tux! I’m a freak! That’s why I’m so stinkin’ emo!
...
Bleck: Enough! All right! I will suck up the crazy one and his robot army into a vortex, make him marry the brat, and keep the dork just for kicks. I’ll also spit the clown out like a seed in a watermelon.
Lemmy: So, am I the dork, or the crazy one?
Bleck: Quiet, you!
He sends a small vortex his way, knocking him down.
Iggy: Lemmy!
Lemmy gets back up.
Lemmy: You know, that only does, like, three damage.
Bleck: Well, just pretend to pass out!
Lemmy: Okay.
He pretends to pass out and Count Bleck sucks everyone else in. Bowser then comes in.
Bowser: Good news, guys, I got Fudgie II!
Fudgie II falls in the vortex.
Bowser: Noooooooo!
Meanwhile...
Wendy: Uugh. Where am I?
Wendy sees an altar with her... AND LUDWIG!!!
Wendy: AAAAAUGH! My nightmare diary has come true! Quick! Take cover! It’s gonna start raining Susans!
Bleck: Relax, Princess. This is your wedding.
Wendy: B-but, why TO HIM?!
Ludwig: Wendy, I am just a confused by this as you are.
Bleck: Yes! Now, will you take Wendy-
Ludwig: NO!
Bleck: Oooooookay! We’ll come back to you. Wen-
Wendy: NO!
Bleck: Nastasia?
Nastasia holds up a candy bar.
Ludwig: Pfft. You can’t bribe me with sweets.
Nastasia: It has nuts.
Ludwig: I do!
Wendy: Well you won’t fool me so easily.
Nastasia: But I can with makeup.
Wendy: Well, I guess so.
Bleck: Excellent!
An earthquake happens and a black heart, the Chaos Heart, appears out of the pedestal thing. Iggy wakes up.
Iggy: Hiya everyone. Just taking a nap... on the ground. So what’d I miss?
He sees Wendy and Ludwig on the altar.
Iggy: Holy! This calls for Super Iggy.
Iggy hops up and holds out a camera.
Wendy: What are you doing?
Iggy: Hold still. This is going on YouTube.
Wendy: Grr.
She knocks the camera into the Chaos Heart, thus activating it!
Iggy: Haha! Finally I’m not the one to screw up!
He knocks the punch bowl towards the Chaos Heart by accident, thus causing it to activate even more.
Iggy: D’oh!
The whole place gets enveloped in light... or something. Count Bleck, Nastasia, and the Dark Prognes...prugnos...whatever flip onto the screen.
Bleck: Bleh heh heh! Bleck! Soon the worlds will be destroyed! Who can possibly stop me?! Who, WHO?!
Nastasia: Um... Perhaps the hero of the Light Prognosticus.
Bleck: Bleck! That is all gibberish!
Nastasia: Um... No sir, this is gibberish. Sehwfnoinhoihwhdfoihnfuiowha.
Bleck: 0__o
Nastasia: Um... Sorry, but you asked for gibberish, ‘K?
Bleck: Hmm... I appreciate your loyalty. But for now, I will go to the castle and eat shrimp and at the same time try to figure out how I can possibly digest it with just a head and arms.
Nastasia: Yes, um... Well keep in mind that Mimi’s allergic.
Bleck: Yes, well keep in mind that I don’t care! Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck!
They flip off-screen.
Back at Koopa Castle…
Voice: .....................L....................................em........my.......wake up you....id.......i.....ot!
Lemmy: O........ka....y! Can we stop talking like this?
Voice (Butterfly Thing): Oh, thank goodness you’re awake.
Lemmy: Aah! Navi! So this is a Zelda game.
Butterfly Thing: No. I am Tippi. I will help you on your quest.
Lemmy: Okay.
Tippi: So, you saw Count Bleck, right?
Lemmy: No, but this guy talked a lot about him.
Tippi: No, he was just talking in third person.
Lemmy: Oh great, so now there are three Count Blecks!
Tippi: No, just... Never mind! He wed a sweet and lovely princess and a furious monster king, correct?
Lemmy: No, a drama queen and a kooky Beethoven ripoff.
Tippi: Well, uh, same difference. Either way, come with me.
A mouse drags along a box and puts them in it.
Lemmy: What the? How low-budget is this game?
They flip offscreen... pie. They end up in a strange place atop a tower with a strange, old man.
Old M- You know what? Forget it! I’m addressing everyone by their names all the time and if you haven’t played the game, well, too bad!
Merlon: Ah, Tippi, you’re back, and I see you brought someone. Hm, let’s see; rainbow hair, goofy look, a little insane... Ah, Tippi! You brought entertainment for my party!
Tippi: Um... No, your birthday’s in three months.
Merlon: Oh, then who is this?
Tippi: This kid perfectly matches the description of the hero of the Light Prognosticus after that four-year-old scribbled all over it.
Merlon: Hm... True. What’s your name?
Lemmy: Read the subtitle.
Merlon: Ah, Lemmy, welcome to our fair town of Flipside.
Lemmy looks down and sees a town of violence and fear.
Merlon: Er... Ignore that. Anyway, I’ve come here to discuss a much more important matter.
Lemmy: *gasp* We ran out of Chips Ahoy?!
Merlon: No, I’m afraid it’s worse than that.
Lemmy: We ran out of Oreos?!
Merlon: No.
Lemmy: We ran out of milk?!
Merlon: Be quiet. Look up.
Lemmy: Pfft, you’re gonna say “Made you look”, aren’t you?
Merlon: No, Lemmy, just look up.
He looks up.
Merlon: Made you look! But, while you’re looking up there, do you see that void in the sky?
Lemmy: You mean that pimple?
Merlon: It’s not a pimple, just be quiet!
Lemmy: ‘K.
Merlon: You see, that void was created by Count Bleck and the Chaos Heart. It’s only a matter of time. Soon, it will eat us alive.
Lemmy: Can’t we just pop it?
Merlon and Tippi: It’s not a pimple!
Lemmy: Whatever.
Merlon: So now you understand?
Lemmy: Not really.
Merlon: Quiet you! Now, you must collect all eight Pure Hearts. Here’s one.
He gives him one.
Lemmy: Cool, this will be easy.
Merlon: Of course you will have to go through dangerous terrain and traps to find the other ones.
Lemmy: Oh, come on!
Merlon: Now put it in a Heart Pillar and a new door will appear to a different world. Tippi will lead the way. Tippi, show him to the elevator on the very edge of the tall tower without any railings.
Lemmy: Woah, why such dangerous terrain?
Merlon: Relax, this is a video game.
Lemmy: Good point.
He walks to the elevator but starts sliding.
Lemmy: Woah!
He falls off the tower.
Lemmy: What the?
Tippi: Oh, sorry, we waxed the floors too much. Just put the Pure Heart in the pillar.
He does and a lightshow happens.
Lemmy: AAH! I’M GOING BLIND!!!
A new door appears.
Lemmy: Yay!
He walks by an elevator.
Tippi: Now press up to go in.
Lemmy: That doesn’t make any sense, it’s going down.
Tippi: Just do what I say.
Lemmy: Okay.
He goes down and sees people that look like low-budget freaks that were whipped together with random polygons at the last minute.
Lemmy: Cool, another elevator.
A sign by this one says “Out of order”.
Lemmy: D’oh! Well, only one reasonable thing to do.
He points a knife towards himself.
Lemmy: Let’s climb the tower.
He uses it to climb.
5 Hours Later...
Still climbing.
8 Hours Later...
Still climbing.
11 Hours later.
Lemmy: Yes! Finally made it!
Merlon: Hi.
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
He falls off the tower and has to repeat the routine.
Lemmy: Grr.
Merlon: What?
Lemmy: Well, now what?
Merlon: Go through that door.
Lemmy: Okay.
Merlon: But first, I need to give you this. But I need dramatic music. Duuuum dadada dum da dumdumadadadadumadum dum dum DUUUUUUUUUUM!
He hands Lemmy a Return Pipe.
Lemmy: ...
Merlon: This will take you all the way back to the tower in a synch. Now, go, brave Lemmy! But first, more dramatic music! Dum, Da da dum dum dad a dad um dada dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dum dad a-
Lemmy throws the Return Pipe at him and goes through the door.
So as Lemmy bravely and foolishly wandered into the first world, he announced with all of his heart “I’m bored” while playing his GBA. Will Lemmy save the worlds?
Lemmy: (singing): My baloney has a first name, it’s w-e a-r-e. My baloney has a second name, it’s d-o-o-m-e-d!
Um... Right. By the way, I think it’s spelt bologna.
Lemmy: Yeah, well I think-
FALSE!
Lemmy: Well, whatever.
In Castle Bleck...
Bleck: Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck! All is going quite well. All according to prophecy! Soon the void will destroy all worlds.
O’Chunks: All right! Soon we’ll create a new world without war and all that icky stuff! By the way, what happens to us?
Bleck: We die.
O’Chunks: Then how do we- Never mind. I just can’t wait! <3
Bleck: Hmm... Wait a second. O’Chunks doesn’t make hearts, he breaks them!
O’Chunks falls from the ceiling. Wait a minute!
O’Chunks: Eh, sorry I’m late. Er, what the! How’d I beat mehself here?
First O’Chunks: Oh, O’Chunks, you stupid muscle-for-brains.
She transforms into Count Bleck.
O’Chunks: Hey! Yeh, can’t just go a borrowin’ his face!
Bleck: Meh, I’ll allow it. She’s showing my good side.
Mimi: Yep, a perfect world.
Dimentio: Hm... And here I thought Mimi’s idea for a perfect world, was a pool made of gems with bulky lifeguards.
Mimi: You Idiot! It was HUNKY lifeguards! Hey, wait, have you-
Dimentio: Yes.
Bleck: Enough. Well different strokes for different minions, I suppose.
Nastasia: Yeah, just an FYI. There’s this odd turtle flipping between dimensions, and he might be the hero, so we need an action plan for this guy.
Bleck: Hm... Are you sure?
O’Chunks: Bleck! Lemme handle dis punk. An enemy o’ da Count is an enemy o’ mine!
Bleck: Well... Okay, O’Chunks. Show this “hero” what you’re made of.
O’Chunks: Er... What am I made of?
Bleck: Just go.
O’Chunks: Okay.
He hops off.
O’Chunks: Wheeeee!
Bleck: Took long enough. We spent too much time on the prologue. Besides, this is the point where you can’t get your money back.
Reader: I paid for this?
Bleck: That’ll be 20 bucks, please.
Reader: Forget it!
Bleck: Nope. Too late! Bleh heh heh
heh heh heh heh- *hack coughcoughwheeze* Well you get the point.
Chapter One: The Good Yold Days
... Pointless filler.
Chapter 1-1: The Adventure Uncrumbles... or Something.
Lemmy ends up on Lineland Road.
Lemmy: Well what do you know? Another land put together from random polygons. What a surprise.
Tippi: Come on. I can sense the Pure Heart, but farther out.
Lemmy: Oh, now you have super sensor powers. What are those butterfly powers? Pfft. What’s next, you’re gonna say you can point out invisible things?
Tippi: Actually, I can.
Lemmy: Well I’m glad you’re happy, you Lense of Truth ripoff.
Tippi: You can’t refer to Zelda games. Not all tourists played it.
Lemmy: Well any Nintendo fan should go play Ocarina of Time. My site, my rules. The webmaster always wins!
Tippi: Can we go now?
Lemmy: Sure, why not?
And they go... What? Expect more from me? Okay, he bashes blocks, does stuff, and- Fine, I’ll go into detail.
Tippi: We must visit the flipping wizard, Bestovius.
Lemmy: Who would name their kid that?
Tippi: His father, Bestonium.
Lemmy: ...
Lemmy meets a Goomba.
Goomba: Hey.
Lemmy: What are you doing?
Goomba: I’m here to kill you.
Lemmy: Don’t you work for me?
Goomba: Uh...
Lemmy: Whatever.
After a long time of pointless filler...
Lemmy: Hey! A house.
Tippi: That’s where Bestovious lives.
Lemmy: Geez, ya think? I’s the only one there.
Tippi: Well who says I’m talking to you?
They go inside. It’s empty.
Lemmy: That’s stupid.
Tippi: Wait... There must be something here. I can sense it.
Lemmy: You know, we’re not really getting along.
She uncovers a door.
Lemmy: Why do I need to do this?
Tippi: Just go in there.
She pushes him in.
Bestovius: Ah, greetings traveler, now go away!
Lemmy: But, I’m here to learn the flipping power.
Bestovius: Yeah yeah, now get in line.
Lemmy: But I’m the great hero.
Bestovius: Yeah, now get in line with the other “great heroes”.
He shows him a line with a bunch of people dressed as Lemmy.
Lemmy: Just give me my powers.
Bestovius: What’s in it for me?
Lemmy: Uh, I have four coins, a paperclip, and some belly button lint.
Bestovius: Okay.
He takes his stuff.
Bestovius: Now. Bippity Boppity Booppity- Ah, whatever, I don’t want to look like an idiot.
He grants him flipping powers.
Lemmy: Yay!
He goes outside and finds a star and grabs it. He turns into an 8-bit Super Mario Bros. version of himself.
Lemmy: Aah! I’m a freak!
For stupid reasons we must end the chapter now. But stay tuned for chapter 1-2, coming to theaters immediately.
Chapter 1-2: On the Road to the Road to Nowhere
They end up by a mountain.
Lemmy: Weren’t we just on plains?
He looks behind him and sees a dead end.
Lemmy: Okaaay.
Tippi: Come on. We must get the Pure Heart.
Lemmy: Says who?
Tippi: You get pie.
Lemmy: PIE!
He starts running and killing everything in his way until he gets to a restaurant.
Lemmy: Yeah, I know I swore not to stop, but let’s stop and eat.
He goes into McDumolds.
Guy at Front Desk: Sir, we’re closed.
Lemmy: But the sign says open 24 hours.
Guy: Yes, but we’re closed.
Lemmy: then why are you here?
Guy: Someone has to keep the rats in the kitchen company. And don’t even think of telling the health inspector, because he’s a rat too!
Lemmy: Okay, well, um... I’ll have-
Guy: I told you we’re closed.
Lemmy: I told you shut up!
Guy: No you didn’t.
Lemmy: Shut up.
Guy: So will that be here or to go?
Lemmy: But you said we were closed.
Guy: Read the sign, we’re open 24 hours.
Lemmy: Oh, well I guess to go.
Guy: Sorry sir, we’re closed.
Lemmy: But you said-
Guy: WE’RE CLOSED!
He kicks him out and to the top of the mountain, and Lemmy sees some rotating rectangle things.
Computer Voice: Please step in the red square. If you have high blood pressure or I hate you, you should not go on this ride.
Lemmy: What’s this?
He steps in the red square and gets carried by the rectangles.
Lemmy: Um, whee?
He gets off.
Lemmy: Yeah, that’s fun, if you’re four!
Tippi: How old are you?
Lemmy: I don’t know. When I started the site I was about 7 or 8, so now I should be 17 or 18? Unless we’re on a floating timeline like the Simpsons. Well it is in Plit years. Whatever.
They continue and find a gap with no way to cross.
Lemmy: D’oh.
Tippi: Hey, a house.
Lemmy: Woohoo!
After this Lemmy is sent to jail for copyright infringement, but he busts out.
Lemmy: There’s nothing in this house, just a few sweat thingies.
He flips and sees a guy that looks like him.
Lemmy: Aah!
L (Look-alike): Aah!
Lemmy: Who are you?
L: Get me out of here.
Lemmy: What’s in it for me?
L: Cookie pie.
Lemmy: Done.
He flips him into 2D.
L: Thanks. Here you go.
He gives him a pie made of crickets.
Lemmy: Eew.
L: Oh, did I say cookie pie? I meant cricket pie.
Frogfucius swings by like Tarzan, using his tongue as a vine, and takes it.
Lemmy: ...
L: I guess I’ll fix the bridge.
He fixes the bridge. They continue until they see an old man.
Old Man: I’m Watchitt.
Lemmy: Great, now fix the bridge.
Watchitt: Ask I.
Lemmy: Yes, I am asking you.
Watchitt: No, I mean, ask the person named I.
Lemmy: Too lazy.
Watchitt. Oh, well you need a Pixl shaped like a hand.
Lemmy: How’s about I give you a fist instead?
Watchitt: Nope, hand.
Lemmy: Okay.
He goes underground.
Tippi: Hmm. A Pixl shaped like a hand…
Thoreau: Hey guys. Need a hand?
Lemmy: Oh, thank goodness. Do you know where a hand is?
Thoreau: Look at me.
Lemmy: I see a square and five circles.
Thoreau: No, I’m the hand. With that hard-to-pronounce name. Sealed away for 1,500 years in a place where I can easily escape. Helps you grab stuff.
Lemmy: ... Okay
Watchitt: Hehe! There’s no such thing as a Pixl shaped like a hand.
Lemmy: Found it!
Watchitt: Fine, I’ll tell I to open the bridge.
Lemmy: Why tell yourself?
Watchitt: ... (Stupid.)
Lemmy: (I heard that.)
So he crosses the bridge and hits the Star Block.
End of sub-chapter.
Chapter 1-3: The sands of Yold, as in Yo old mama!
Lemmy: Desert now? Come on!
Tippi: Well, the Pure Heart should be by the old, abandoned ruins that no one’s ever come out of alive.
Lemmy: ... Let’s just go.
He walks by the path and sees sand... and sand... and sand... and more sand.
Lemmy: Okay! That does it!
Tippi: Look! A tree!
Lemmy: With red leaves? Is that natural?
Tippi: Maybe with ketchup.
Lemmy: *holds out ketchup* Hmm... Maybe. You know what, I want to stay in shape. Ten jumping jacks!
He does ten and a door appears.
Lemmy: Well what do you know? Staying in shape does have its benefits.
He goes forward and O’Chunks hops down from the sky.
O’Chunks: You!
Lemmy: Hey Fatferbrains.
O’Chunks: Now you’ve done it!
Fatferbrains: Hi, Lemmy!
O’Chunks: What the-
Lemmy: You still here, Fatty?
O’Chunks: Grr...
Fatty: Hey, Lemmy!
O’Chunks: Ugh!
Lemmy: Hi Dumdum.
...
O’Chunks: Er... Where’s Dumdum?
Lemmy: I’m talking to you.
O’Chunks: Dat does it! I’ve got a bone to pick wit’ ya.
He pounds the ground and keeps walking.
Lemmy: (sarcastically) Oh, wow. The easiest boss and strategy in the game. How do I win?
He uses Thoreau and throws O’Chunks off the stage, although he hops back on.
O’Chunks: Hey, don’t ya know nuttin? Pits ain’t deathtraps, dey’re just minor inconveniences.
Lemmy: What’s 2+2?
O’Chunks: ... Shut up! You win dis round! What’s yer name?
Lemmy: Lemmy.
O’Chunks: Lenice? Well remember, Lenice, I’ll be back again!
He... farts away?
Lemmy: ... Am I letting that on my site?
Meh, whatever. They continue until they reach a blue platform.
Tippi: Wait, this chapter is too short.
Lemmy: Yeah, but we have the prologue.
Tippi: So now what?
Lemmy: I don’t know, let’s play with the keyboard.
Dhiufehuievhjbscajkgvkdjnvkjwe=p
A chime plays and the path to the ruins appears.
Lemmy: What the?
Tippi: I think it opens when you type =p.
Lemmy: Well, here we go.
He enters.
Chapter 1-4: The Yomama of the Ruins
Lemmy: Enough yo mama’s!
Tippi: Hmm. I can sense the Pure Heart near, but there’s also a feeling that there’s a powerful beast in the way.
Lemmy: Probably just gas.
Tippi: But I’m a butterfly-Pixl thing.
Lemmy: Yes, but it’s just gas.
He goes down a path and finds Buzzy Beetles and nothing interesting.
Lemmy: Okay then. Hey wait, a Firebar with a platform and power-up? This looks a lot like one of King Dad’s old abandoned castles.
He goes through more Firebars.
Lemmy: Hmm, a lot of Firebars; maybe this is the old world 6-4.
He sees a door way up high.
Tippi: Should we flip to see what happens?
Lemmy: No. I’ll just use Gameshark. I summon thee, GAMESHARK!!!
A shark with the word GAME imprinted into its chest appears. Lemmy uses it for a lift.
Lemmy: Thanks, Gameshark.
Gameshark: No problem, Lemmy.
He ends up in a room with a switch on the ceiling.
Lemmy: Now what?
Tippi: You could use your newly-acquired power to throw an enemy at the switch.
Lemmy: ... Nah, I’ll just throw you.
He throws Tippi and continues down a passageway. They end up in another room with a high door.
Tippi: Aren’t you going to use Gameshark again?
Lemmy: Nah, I’ll just use your Lense of Truth power.
He detects an invisible floor and gets up. He goes into a room with a door right next to him.
Lemmy: Ooh, that’s convenient.
But it’s locked.
Lemmy: Aaw.
But there’s also a key right next to him.
Lemmy: Yay!
He’s in an area in some kind of pit. He climbs up a ladder and presses a switch that... activates another switch.
Lemmy: What was the point of that?
But then some round Thwomp thingies come out of the wall.
Lemmy: Crud!
To avoid an Indiana Jones ripoff scene, let’s just say he hits the switch and the thingies fill up the pit.
Lemmy: Should I go into the boss room?
Sure, why not?
Lemmy: Okay.
He goes back outside, three steps away from the entrance to the ruins.
Lemmy: Well that was entirely pointless.
Suddenly a giant, robotic dragon rises from the sand.
Robot: I am Fracktail! Searching for identity. Identity=stupid. *gasp* The legendary hero. Hey! You killed my brother, the computer!
Lemmy: ...
Wracktail: He killed our brother! Destroy him!
Frackmail (blue one): Mail call! Hey! A clown! I hate clowns! Kill!
Lemmy: You know you guys are the colors of the American flag, right?
Fracktail: I get to kill him!
Wracktail: I kill him!
Frackmail: I wasn’t in the game!
They all fight over who gets to kill him.
Lemmy: What’s going on?
Dimentio appears.
Dimentio: Ahahahahaha!
Lemmy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Fracktail: Hey! Another clown! KILL!!!
They all chase after Dimentio. Lemmy sneaks out and into a door.
Lemmy: Phew.
Merlumnia: Welcome.
Lemmy: Are you a boss?
Merlumnia: No!
Lemmy: Oh, so what do I get?
Merlumnia, Well, I guess I give you a Pure Heart. Oh wait, you’re that guy with that site’s birthday. Here, instead you get this.
Lemmy gets a pie.
Lemmy: Mmm. Forget saving the worlds! Pie!
He takes a bite but breaks his teeth.
Lemmy: Ow.
Merlumnia: Oh, I forgot to tell you, the pie is actually a Pure Heart.
Lemmy: Grr... I’m gonna kill you!
Merlmnia: Too late! I’m hiding.
She disappears.
Lemmy: Well, whatever.
You got a Pure Heart!
END OF CHAPTER!
At Castle Bleck...
Bleck: What? What do you mean the answer to the riddle isn’t Idaho? And O’Chunks, you lost?!
O’Chunks: It’s not meh fault, count he’s too smat- er, smart.
Bleck: Whatever. Mimi! Come here.
Mimi: Hey Count!
Bleck: I want you to steal Merlee’s Mansion from her.
Mimi: Golly, Count? Sweet old me?
Bleck: Yes.
Mimi: (demonic voice) THEN I’LL GIVE THEM A NIGHT TO REMEMBER!!! (normal voice) This’ll be fun!
She flips away and Dimentio comes back tattered and bruised.
Bleck: What’s with you?
Dimentio: Slight… backfire in the plan. Don’t like to mention it.
Bleck: Well, whatever. Say hello to Fudgie II.
He shows a hamster in a cage.
Bleck: He’s the castle pet. That hero may be the real deal, but he will not stop me. Bleh heh heh heh! Bleck!
Meanwhile…
Wendy: Uuugh... My head.
Mechakoopa: You all right?
Amp: Come on, get up.
Wendy: Who are you?
Amp: We’re Ludwig’s robot army. Come on, let’s get out of here.
They walk down a path but walk into a dead end.
Amp: Now what?
Wendy: Well, we could TURN AROUND, morons!
Mechakoopa: Oh, right.
Nastasia: Not so fast, ‘K?
Wendy: No! Not ‘K!
Nastasia: Well too bad.
She hypnotizes the Amp and the Mechakoopa.
Nastasia: You’re next.
Wendy gets enclosed in a box.
Wendy: Hey, I didn’t know I have super powers. Quick! Super powers! Get me out of here!
She disappears.
Nastasia: Well, where can she run if all worlds are being destroyed?
She walks back.
At Flipside Tower...
Bowser enlarges out of nowhere.
Bowser: What the? Oh yeah, I must have sat on Ludwig’s shrink thing by mistake, shrunk down, and then that butterfly thing flipped me here, where I enlarged.
Merlon: Welcome to Flipside!
Bowser: Listen you! Where’s Fudgie II?
Merlon: Who?
He knocks Merlon off the ledge and he conveniently lands in his house.
Bowser: I’ll find you, Fudgie II!
He goes through the first door.
To Be Continued...
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
