Refined Idiocy

By Drake Guy

K.K grunted with the effort as he wiggled his way out from under the table. Around him, he heard insane yelling and saw different items flying through the air. It really was pandemonium, with nothing to organize the minions.

He hastily ran for the door, closing it with a slam behind him. He really didn't know how to get three loyal people out of the mess, and sighed with the reality.

He made a slow pace down the hall, hoping Kamek had some alternative way to solve things.

K.K scratched his head. Why did they need three minions anyway?

Right as he walked into Kamek's study, he was greeted by the sight of two new people leaning against a wall, with their backs turned.

Kamek looked a little irritated and nodded in K.K's direction. "Hello. Have you at least found one other person? I've already hired two others." The Magikoopa pointed at Dry and Crawler, who didn't move an inch.

"Uhhhh... I can see that. What are they doing?" K.K stared with uncertainty, not entirely sure what was going on.

"Kamek told us to stop bothering him and go hide in a corner," the smaller of the two, Crawler, spoke up.

"He also told us to keep quiet, dude." Dry nudged his partner with an elbow to remind him.

"I don't see YOU upholding that rule, so don't scold ME!" Crawler nudged back twice as hard.

"Don't hit me!"

"Don't lecture me!"

"DON'T TALK!" Kamek interrupted sternly, rubbing his temples and looking frustrated.

K.K shrugged and turned back to the Magikoopa. "They seem... uh... competent. I couldn't find a third guy, though. Sorry!" He backed up as Kamek's head snapped to attention and he stared angrily.

"You couldn't find ONE OTH... Never mind. It doesn't much matter. Two will be enough, I suppose. Now follow me... You two can come too." Kamek snapped a finger, signaling for Dry and Crawler, who instantly ran after him like a pack of puppies. K.K rolled his eyes and followed.

The four went down a flight of stairs before going down a seemingly endless hallway. Kamek turned sharply and suddenly poked a brick in the wall with his staff. The brick popped inward like a switch, and a secret door opened. K.K shrugged, unimpressed, while Dry and Crawler practically wet themselves with excitement. It's common knowledge to know about all of the secret rooms and hidden doors in the castle if you're related to royalty.

After walking through an extremely dusty corridor, they stopped at the entrance to a pitch black room. Kamek turned with an air of epicness as he addressed the other three.

"What you're about to witness is one of the greatest pieces of technology ever created! It is called.... the KASTLE KOOPA RECON CENTER!" At the last words, Kamek flipped a switch, igniting the room with light.

K.K watched breathlessly as the whole room in its entirety was revealed... then gasped and gave out a short “Huh?'”

Kamek himself was surprised to see the dust-covered pieces of machinery mixed in with stacks of newspapers, a TV, and a hammock tied between two large battery-looking things.

On the hammock, a shelless, orange Boom Boom stared back with just as much shock.

There was a brief moment of silence while each group scrutinized each other. Then, yelling broke out on all sides.

"HEY! This is MY room!" the Boom Boom hollered.

"HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!" Kamek yelled back.

"I KNOW YOU! You pinned me under a table! Get outta here!" K.K recognized the Boom Boom from before, identifying him by the same blue hat saying “Janitor”.

"YEAH! You never threw away that can, did you?"

"ME AND DRY ARE CONFUSED BY ALL THE YELLING!" Crawler chimed in with his loud voice.

"SHUSH! EVERYBODY, QUIET!" Kamek silenced everyone with a few simple words. He coughed quietly into his palm before continuing. "Now, Janitor, what you're doing here will be discussed later. For now, you're part of the team, since we need a third member. Welcome aboard. Now move your stuff." Kamek raised a palm in K.K's face to stop him from challenging.

The Janitor nodded and hopped from his hammock, pushing his TV and newspapers into a corner. He untied his hammock and threw it on top of his other stuff. Rubbing his hands together to shake off loose dust afterwards, he nodded. "All right. It'll gimme something to do."

Kamek ignored the hostile looks K.K and the Janitor were giving each other and moved on, walking further into the room and clicking on another switch hidden under a cobweb. A whole wall lit up like a monitor, green light flooding from it as letters and numbers popped up onto the screen.

"... Right. Back to where we were. Like I said, this is the Kastle Koopa Recon Center. It was a prototype for an intelligence gathering machine, but was discarded when people discovered that magic could do everything a machine could do and started to disbelieve that machines were even capable of anything."

"Ironyyyy!" Dry snorted under his breath.

"Quiet. Anyway, I've kept power running to this place for a while to keep it alive, as I knew it would come in handy some day. And so it has! You see, as long as three people are here to maintain the equipment, it can track any item or person in the world!"

K.K looked up in awe at how high-tech everything looked. He couldn't even imagine something so powerful being overlooked. "All riiight! Well, then, let's find that stamp!" he quickly became excited, thinking that maybe this adventure could be more interesting than he thought before.

Kamek smiled and pointed at the monitor. "Luckily, the stamp was put into the system before they tried to shut it down. So finding it is a matter of seconds!" A small babble of cheering rose from the small group as Kamek went to a small computer terminal and started typing stuff. The big screen on the monitor flashed for a second before showing lines and lines of unreadable text.

"According to the machine... the stamp was recently moved to Neon Heights! K.K, hurry and go now!"

In the energy of the moment, K.K blindly agreed and ran back the way he came, eager to get to his Kopter.

Once he was gone from ear and eyesight, Dry whistled. "Boy oh boy! I can't wait to use THIS stuff! So which computer's mine?"

Kamek stared at Dry for a second before chuckling, making both him, Crawler, and the Janitor slightly confused.

"Don't be ridiculous! This is just a giant TV Bowser wanted. Honestly, a MACHINE being able to do something like that! Hahaha! I just sent K.K to Neon Heights so it would be easier for you three to get him! Catch." Kamek smiled devilishly, picking up a cylinder at his feet and tossing it to Dry, who grabbed it and stared at it in shock.

"Uhhh... A Net Cannon? Are we gonna... like..."

"Take him out of the picture, yes," Kamek called back as he started walking away from the room.

"... Soooo... Kamek just tricked K.K, and now we're going to knock him out and probably toss him into a dumpster somewhere?" Crawler scratched his head in bewilderment.

"Well, this explains why I got Cable so easily... All right, you heard the man. Let's gear up and head out!" The Janitor seemed a little on the happy side as he picked up another large Net Cannon and left too, making Dry and Crawler scramble to keep up with him.

To Be Continued...

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