Last time we saw our heroes… Wait, is there even more than one hero in this story? And can the main character really be called “heroic”? More importantly, have you noticed this paragraph is the exact same as the one in the beginning? *insert record scratch that will require no surgery to remove from your head here*
Seriously, just look at how the story changed, lazy bum. You expect me to spell it out for you? No.
Meanwhile, Gloomtail was flailing around within his part of the Nintendo DS.
“No! Not a record! Urrrp. I always get… urp… sick even hearing the sound of a record. UUUUUUUURG!”
Gloomtail: 0/257
Shy Away popped out of the DS, along with Morton. They were both virtually unharmed, then proceeded forward. There was a flash of light, and before he knew it, Shy Away flew into door five. Iggy was standing on a platform next to a cliff with a door on it. There was also a green Hammer Bro on the cliff.
“Okay, it wasn’t boysenberry smoothie… Umm… Saltwater?”
Dr. Topper applied his hammer directly to his forehead at Iggy’s apparently stupid remark to a question. However, he ended up knocking himself out. Iggy made a great leap to the top. Shy Away pondered how he could get past the cliff up to the door. Then he realized he ended up flying into the room, meaning he had his wings. He abused the author’s mistake and flew through the room. Dr. Topper was apparently alive in the next room, where he told Iggy to count barrels. Shy Away decided to help.
“TIME!”
“Elle-”
“TWELVE!”
“Correct! But that’s just the warmup, a-”
Iggy took out twenty blue coins.
“Ooh, those are for me! Next challenge!” said Dr. Topper, taking the coins.
The barrels changed to one while the screen blacked out.
“One,” said Iggy and Shy Away in unison.
“Woah. Nice. Next room. Okay, Kip, Goo, Bones, and Boo had a triathlon including swimming, bicycling, and ru-”
“Kip, Boo, Bones, Goo?” Iggy asked.
“Yeah?” they replied.
Iggy took out four blue coins. Ten seconds later, Dr. Topper was beaten to a bloody pulp, and Shy Away and Iggy got the white light stuff again. Shy Away flew into the next room, knowing it had to be action. Wendy was there, and she’d just fallen into her thousandth pit of lava. Apparently she’s too stubborn to take the heels off, so she keeps tripping.
Shy Away tried to lift her, but she was too heavy. Instead, he went toward the next door. In fact, he floated through each obstacle course, expecting the white light. Instead he got a sign saying “Bring your partner to this room.”
Shy Away sat down and waited for Wendy, who was currently failing at the second room, a remake of the first Donkey Kong game, even though that’s completely out of order from Super Mario RPG.
Run. Trip. Sccccrrrrrrgh. Run. Trip. Sccccrrrrrrrgh. Run. Trip. Scccccrrrrrrrrgh.
Okay, commercial time.
“I’m Merlon, and I’d like to say that we’re all $^%^%. In case I was censored or something, I’ll say that we’re all going to die. I predict a giant black whirlpool. Yup.”
“BIGGEST GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE EVER!”
“High, Yoshi is Yoshi with…”
Several hours later…
“…and if you call now, because you know we can’t do this all day, we’ll…”
Several hours later…
“I’m Waluigi, and I’M SUPERIOR TO YOSHI. So what if he talks fast while advertising? I’m Waluigi Mays! I advertise your cleaning things, right? RIGHT?!”
“I’m the Mushroom Kingdom Chancellor. Don’t buy things off of television. Seriously.”
Run. Trip. Scccrrrrrgh. Run. Trip. Scrrrrrrrrrgh. Run. Trip. Sccccrrrrrrgh. Run. Trip. Sound of a monkey looking for barrels. Run. Trip. Loud monkey howl. Run. Trip. Monkey making worried noises. Run. Trip. Monkey pushed off cliff.
Wendy came into the last room. However, Shy Away was at the end of the room, so it still counted. White light, blah blah blah. Wait, this light was gray. Yeah, gray. And scary, too. Shy Away ended up in a normal room near the end of Bowser’s Keep, but the rusted robot stood in his way. Larry was tied up in a corner. Susan was tied up in a corner with a gag in her mouth. There was also a rusted smelter on one of the walls.
“I am…”
“Smithy?” Shy Away finished.
“How’d you know?”
“It’s obvious, really.”
“Ah.”
“I’ll have to beat you up now.”
“Everyone seems to fail.”
Smithy attempted to smack Shy Away with his mallet of doom. Direct hit. KO.
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Shy Away returned to consciousness, to see he was tied up as well. It remained like this, with everyone bored, for about four hours. After those four hours, the wall broke, and a Nipper Plant broke in. Except it was huge.
“Nippies!” Shy Away sang. This was the Nipper Plant he planted near the beginning of the story, and no one had bothered to fix the problem. Larry and Shy Away got their ropes cut. Susan became the Nipper Plant’s dinner.
However, “Nippies” got a face full of PAN OF PAIN! Err… PERIL! No… MALLET OF DOOM. Yeah, that’s it. Nippies retreated back to his pot from the PAIN. Oh, sorry.
Smithy shot a beam at the Smelter and it began to give out a hot solution in front of Smithy, who built it into a Shyper. The same thing happened once again. Larry then nudged Shy Away.
“Attack the Shypers with everything you’ve got, got it?”
“Why the Shypers?”
“Because, if I tell you that, you’ll do the opposite, like you did before. The Shysters have very limited Magic Power. They’re very painful at first, but they soon become extremely minor since Smithy is only smart enough to have two of these around at a time.”
“I see…”
Larry ran up to Smithy and deftly dodged the mallet of doom. He tried slashing at Smithy’s beard. Metal.
Shy Away thought about past encounters.
He wasn’t in an RPG battle…
This guy wasn’t fabric…
There was no lava nearby… Wait, yeah there was. Inside the Smelter. Shy Away was a real stickler for this stuff, and he knew lava wouldn’t work, so he went to the Smelter and used Crystal straight into the mouth. Larry was looking at Shy Away like he was an idiot, and the Smelter ended up getting clogged. But the flow of hot liquid was constant. The Smelter began rumbling, and Larry dived into a corner. Screws flew from the Smelter, and it flew straight into Smithy, and you can BET it was a strong hit.
A Pure Heart came out of Smithy and went into Larry, but the moment was ruined when a staircase appeared in the room, going down.
“End of chapter?” Shy Away muttered. Larry shook his head, and led Shy Away down the stairs.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Okay, let’s continue, then.
Once the two characters went through a tunnel, they found the cliff shaped like Bowser’s face now had a tongue, and they were standing on it. It led into Vista Bay in staircase shape. Shy Away got a small headstart when he tripped down the stairs, but he didn’t fall into the bay. Vista Bay turned into a massive wave of darkness. Massive shockwaves blew Larry away, but definitely not Shy Away. Shy Away was now in the heart of darkness.
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The heard of darkness was just how you’d picture it: dark, purplish, and kinda Twilight Zone-y. The main trait of it was Dimentio, who floated in front of Shy Away.
“Seven Pure Hearts, and you don’t even have a mere watering can? I’m disgraced by my foolish slaves you’ve fought to this point, but I assure you, I’m nothing like them.
Shy Away thought of past experiences anyways.
There was no Smelter.
No fabric.
No lava.
No giant Piranha Plants.
No… well, actually, he had magic, but it’d fail miserably.
No babies.
No way to make fire.
But…
BUT!
There was a potted plant in the corner. With the strength he’d acquired on his adventure, Shy Away heaved this plant up, as Dimentio laughed loudly and maniacally. He expected some feeble plant attack, but didn’t expect a potted plant on his noggin.
It was a quick fight, but Shy Away got the eighth Pure Heart. He searched high and low for the sage of kindness, when he felt a sensation in him. Knowledge came into him of the Pure Hearts and everything. He was the sage of kindness, as if it wasn’t obvious already!
Dimentio brought his seven cohorts onto the field, and they morphed into a deadly creature.
This creature had the hands of Cackletta.
The legs of Princess Shroob.
The fangs of the first Goomba.
The hat of Grodus.
The torso of Dry Bowser.
The hammer of Smithy.
And the head of Super Dimentio (which
includes Mr. L, too).
What powered this beast, you say? A Heart! Well, actually, it’s the Chaos Heart. Shy Away used his Pure Heart to create a holy watering can for battle. The other seven sages appeared too for the epic climax of a battle. However, these sages were like angels. They were exact replicas, but they glowed. Shy Away looked down to see the same for him. He was no longer Shy Away, he was Brave Away, the true sage of kindness!
The Grand Mushroom General had an army of Toads tackling the hands. Currently they made a super rope of teamwork out of their own bodies, and had tied the beasts hands behind its back. Thusly the hammer was down, too.
Some child sat down, but he wasn’t just doing that. He stared up at a superpowered doll sparring with the tentacle legs. Tentacles were going down here and there, when eventually, all of the legs were crushed under the above body.
Dood, a giant toucan of some sort, was currently prying the teeth of the beast out. With great strength, everything was an easy task.
Jonathon Jones I was latched onto the hat, jabbing his trident into it. He clearly wasn’t very smart, because it was just a hat, and was therefore not alive. In a sense, he still triumphed in his task.
An unnamed muscular Toad was beating Bowser’s ribs with some plywood. After all, without a torso, a monster is nothing. This has been proved by Mr. L.
Speaking of Mr. L, or Super Dimentio, he was getting shocked repeatedly by shockers. Mallow? No, this was in fact King Nimbus MLXIV! Yeah, Nimbus Land is really really really really really really really old.
A small Koopa child stood. It was not Larry. It was not Bowser. It was not Morton Koopa Sr… It was DAD himself at a much younger age. He’s only the sage of forgiveness, because he’s young, and a whole lot more innocent, trust me when I say that. Either way, he stared at Brave Away, who stared at the Chaos Heart, which could be reached thanks to Hinopio. He held his watering can, and the Pure Hearts all came toward it in a rainbow array of power.
However, Brave Away flickered back to the small Shy Away. With the Pure Hearts gone, Cackletta’s hands were free, holding a hammer, while the legs had grown back, so it would require flight to reach the Chaos Heart.
A tear came down Shy Away’s mask. He wasn’t brave. He’d obviously get clobbered by all these villains. He could tear up the Heart with one hit, but… He desperately hoped to become Brave Away again, just for a split second. Nothing. He was only Shy Away. Shy Away, the measly, terrified worker for Valentina, who really needs to go play basketball or something, to fit in with other guys.
The hammer flew into Shy Away, but it was countered by the pure watering can. Shy Away just shook his head. “I can’t do it. I…” He blew away a star rain by a mere swipe of his can. “I can’t be a hero. I can only be a henchman made for comedy relief.”
Stories he’d heard passed through Shy Away’s mind. Stories from Lemmy’s Land, stories of Plit’s ancient lore, stories… All kinds of stories! Minor henchmen… They’ve been heroes so many times before! Like that one time with that guy! Yeah! That guy! Shy Away fluttered up and divebombed into the Heart. The hammer swung at Shy Away. A powerful blow was heard being made, but emerging victorious was…