Last time we saw our heroes… Wait, is this even a sequel to anything? Is there even more than one hero in this story, and can you even call the main character of this story heroic? More importantly, have you ever had a banana slamma slushy? (Insert annoying jingly commercial that will take surgery to get out of your head here.)
In Bean Valley was a young, slightly gender-confused boy who happened to be in the wrong place at the right time. However that works out... This boy is Shy Away.
On a sunny morning, Shy Away came out of a small stone hut (he’s against using wood, because it kills trees) and made his morning “Hello beautiful world!” announcement. Several abnormally large bees flew past, as Shy Away smiled. “I’m going to go water Smilax II today! Wait, why do I even need a giant carnivorous plant of absolute power anyways? Oh, right! It’ll ward off harmful insects.” He optimistically filled his trusty watering can with water, and flew over some pipes covered in flowers, then went to an ENORMOUS pot containing a stem that supported two whole Piranha Plants. Shy Away watered them, and when he turned his back, it ate one of those huge bees that happened to be abundant in Bean Valley.
After watering every single plant, Shy Away cheerfully ate a ham ’n cheese sandwich. (He’s against eating vegetables, because it… you guessed it… kills plants.) He heard someone calling something about “Rail Fall”. Shy Away thought it was another Girl Scout with some new cookie, and ignored it to let the bees do their job. Then he heard loud roughhousing, and supposed it might be a Boy Scout with popcorn. He still went on. When a brick went through his window, he went outside to see a Paratroopa holding a bag of mail.
“FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SWEET, MAIL CA- Oh, hello, sir. I have a letter for you from someone anonymous who is definitely NOT Valentina.” Gleefully, Shy Away opened a letter saying the following:
SHY AWAY, GET THE #$%&*@ OVER TO MARRYMORE. I’M TRYING TO GET AN OFFICIAL WEDDING GOING, AND REGULATIOINS SAY I NEED A FLOWER GIRL.
~Your presence would be appreciated tomorrow. Show up early, and you can have a nice stay at Marrymore hotel.
Not noticing the crudeness, the caps lock, or the fact that the sender was most likely not aware of his gender, Shy Away thanked the mailman, having forgotten about his window, and then headed off for Marrymore. At least, that’s what I WOULD say, but he ended up going about 90 degrees off his mark, and if you know the Super Mario RPG map well, you know he’s either going to go to Bowser’s Keep, or the Ocean. Considering that Shy Away’s seafaring journey wouldn’t make a particularly good story, you can pretty much assume he’s going to Bowser’s Keep.
After crossing the insignificant Barrel Volcano that Shy Away mistook for Star Hill, our hero looked upon Bowser’s Keep, and it didn’t even occur to him he was most certainly NOT in Marrymore. After planting a few flowers (which all died ten seconds later), Shy Away entered the Keep. He saw a scary-looking Loopa with a blue Mohawk and a duct taped mouth tied to a chair in the corner, another scary-looking Koopa, this one obviously female (indicated by her bow), and a very large, downright TERRIFYING-looking Koopa, and you ALL know who that is. There were also several Terrapins.
The female Koopa spoke up. “I can’t WAIT until my wedding, Uncle Bowser, becau…” Shy Away tuned out. So THAT’S who invited him. He had no idea where she heard about his superb flowering skills, but decided not to let anyone find out. When he finally tuned back in, the colossal Koopa, “Bowser”, was speaking.
“Well, it’s not every day your son gets married to your niece,” the brute said with obviously fake happiness. After hours of pointless chatter, and screams muffled by duct tape, a shout came from Bowser. “ALL RIGHT, TROOPS. Regulations CLEARLY state that flower girls are absolutely required for proper weddings. We’re putting one of you in a dress, and making you throw flowers into the aisle.”
Within a moment, all the Terrapins were gone. Shy Away and the three scary Koopas were the only ones left in the room. The girl made a bright smile, Bowser was sizing him up, and the Koopa tied to a chair was wide-eyed, shaking his head slowly. “You’re that little punk who tried to kill me and my troops with GIANT PLANTS!” Bowser roared. Shy Away hid in a corner, but Bowser continued. “But you’re so good with plants, AND you’re the only one who offered, AND I’m feeling reeeeeaaaaal generous today. Accept before I change my mind.”
Shy Away was tempted to point out that you don’t say “and” twice in the same list, but simply nodded, and cheered. Bowser pointed him to a room to go in until tomorrow when the wedding would take place. Shy Away went, without even asking the names of the bride and groom.
In his room, he took a pot out of who knows where, and planted a Nipper Plant seed so he could have something to keep himself company. It grew unfathomably quick with the fertilizer he added. He petted his Nipper Plant on the stalk, and went to sleep. A catchy tune played as he fell asleep, but it still wouldn’t bump that dang banana slamma tune out of your head. Really, this author recommends you get surgery fast.
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Shy Away woke up next morning, made his “Hello beautiful world!” announcement, and trotted off to Bowser. Until, of course, it occurred to him that the big Koopa probably didn’t even HAVE any flowers for his job. He also remembered that all his plants in Bean Valley weren’t being tended to. He went to look for Bowser once again, thinking his conundrum might be answered, and of course, he got lost on his way, and ended up in the dungeon. He saw the blue-haired Koopa trying to slice through the bars with his own teeth. Shy Away came up to him. “Sir, would you happen to have any flowers?”
The Koopa nearly stabbed him straight through the mask with claws that came through the bars. “My name is Larry, and because of YOU, my dad managed to force me into marrying that obsessive freak Susan. Why in the *%#@ underwhere would I give you anything?”
Shy Away gave a smug frown. “I’m sorry. I got a letter from someone telling me to come here to Marrymore to be flower person for a wedding.” It took him about ten minutes of Larry giving a blank, hateful stare, and countless pondering for Shy Away to find out. “I’m not in Marrymore, am I?!” he shouted. Larry just shook his head.
“Should’ve been obvious to ya from the start. I recommend running back to where you came from, and never showing your face here again.”
Shy Away kept his frown. “But then one of the soldiers would be forced to do the job! Stopping it won’t be that simple, but I promise to help!”
Larry smiled for a quarter second, and made his face angry again. “Well, you’d better succeed. First, you should get me outta here. I have a Piranha Plant that can bite through metal in my room, so bring it here.”
A guard’s footsteps echoed, and Shy Away scampered off. He saw several of these scary koopas on the way, and an unusually brown one gave him directions to Larry’s room. When Shy Away thanked him, the Koopa was still talking. Continuing, he started to hum a happy tune to himself. He opened a moss-covered door and stared in aw at the nearly greenhouse-like room. The bed was even made of a soft variety of grass fiber over soil. He observed several Latin names next to plants, understanding about 84.26 percent of them. One, called Ferrivore spicata, was eating a piece of metal. Shy Away pondered on how to take it to the dungeon.
After a good amount of time, he threw a Yoshi Cookie at a plant. Somehow a Yoshi appeared and ate it, and the plant, producing an Energizer somehow. Shy Away used its affect to lift the plant and its pot to the dungeon. “Yoshis these days will run so far for a simple cookie,” he said, and continued to the dungeon.
At the dungeon’s doorway, Shy Away was disheartened to see a Reznor guarding the door. He hid the plant behind a pillar, armed himself with his watering can, and rushed into battle with the Reznor.
Reznor obviously wasn’t a creature designed for movement. It was an expert fireball sniper, but simple flicks of the watering can rendered it useless. He attempted to conk his opponent on the head with the watering can, to absolutely no effect. He ran out of water rather quickly, and found himself scampering through air. He finally got the idea to use something stronger to conk it on the head. With a rather simple energized heave, he lifted the pot from the side, and flew straight over Reznor’s head. He stopped fluttering his wings, and smashed it. He was victorious.
The knocked out Reznor fell over, and Shy Away made his way into the dungeon, using one of his own pots to carry the Piranha Plant, which obviously had its previous pot broken. He went to the first cell which Larry was in, and saw nothing. It occurred to him that thinking of how to lift the pot and finding out he wasn’t in Marrymore must have taken a good deal of time. He rushed off to the main room of the castle.
In there, Susan was walking down the carpet, followed by a very angry-looking Terrapin in a tutu. Larry gave him a hostile glare, and Shy Away decided to lay low. He pretended to be like a normal person... until the “I do”ing was over. At that point, not a soul was being like a normal person anyways.