Clash of the Koopas!

By Lemmy's Campfire Tales

Lightning flashed as Sub-con scientists were trying to find a potion that would change Wart back into a Koopa.

"Uh oh," said a Shy Guy as he spilled dozens of test tubes.

"Do you know what you just did?!" shouted a deranged Shy Guy named Al.

"Uh, spilled some stuff," replied the first Shy Guy.

"No, you just spilled a potion that was close to complete!" shouted Al.

Suddenly, Wart walked into Sub-con Labs, saw the mixed potions (which was in a small cup), and started drinking it, thinking it was the potion.

"Uh, Wart, sir. That's not the poti-" said Al, but it was too late, Wart had already gulped it down.

Suddenly Wart started to feel different, 9 gold spikes grew on his back, and he started looking like a Koopa...
Wart screamed in pain. He struggled to keep himself standing. "You... IDIOTS! What... did... you... WHAT'S IN THIS?!" Wart yelled. He fell to the ground, grasping his head in pain. He felt like a knife was piercing through his now-dried skin as two sharp horns slowly burst out of his head. His teeth became daggers of bone, those that would make even the most reckless Chain Chomp cower in fear. Wart fell onto his back, yelling and flailing rapidly. He felt... something underneath his cape push him up off of the ground.

Then, it was all over. All of the pain... all of the screaming... Wart had fallen unconscious.

The Shy Guys looked at each other warily. "Dude... AWESOME!" Al exclaimed, chuckling a bit. The other Shy Guy looked over Wart's unconscious body, and began poking it.

"Uhhh... King? Uhhh... You should really wake up..." the Shy Guy suggested. After checking Wart's pulse, the other Shy Guy turned to Al. "He's out like a Jawful," the minion reported.

"I'll get the cold water!" Al exclaimed. The Shy Guy tried to stop his associate, but decided against it.

"I'll get a mop..." the Shy Guy mumbled. He then began to shuffle out of the room...
When the Shy Guys came back, Wart started to regain consciousness. "Did it work?" he asked, wearily.
The Shy Guys looked Wart over. Indeed... Wart was now one of those bipedal turtles that he once was. Al grinned while his partner sighed in relief. In unison, they nodded their heads.

Wart smirked. However, when he tried to get up, he found himself... stuck. He flailed around until he realized that he, sure enough, had a shell. The King of Sub-con continued to struggle, but eventually sighed. "Uhhh... Good work and all, but... help your king up," Wart commanded. On cue, the two scientists did all they could to lift their master off of the floor...

"Good work," Wart told Al and his partner. Then he turned to Al's partner. "What's your name, son?"

The Shy Guy responded, shaking, "Ph-Phh-Phil, sir."

"Nice to meet you Phil," Wart said. Wart walked over to the mirror. "This is not what I had in mind. In fact... it’s better then I could have ever imagined!"

Phil smiled. "G-g-glad you like it, sir..." he muttered, a little more upbeat. "It's, it's, it's... an honor..."

"HEY! I helped too!" Al exclaimed. Phil glared at his fellow scientist, but Al just moronically smiled on. Wart turned to the both of them, smiling, still admiring his new form. Then... he shot a fireball in Al's face.

"HEY! Ow! Ow! Ow! Hot! Burn! Pain!" Al shouted; his robe on fire. He ran around the room, trying to get the flames out. Wart chuckled and pumped his fist into the air.

"You know what this means, right?" Wart asked his minions. Phil looked at Wart curiously.

"... We won't have to use Fryguy as the barbecue anymore?" Phil asked.

"No," replied Wart. "It means that we take a little visit Dark Land..."

"Oh, I see where this is going. We're going to throw a party for Bowser!" Phil exclaimed.

"You idiot, not a party, we're attacking Dark Land," Wart said. "It’s time to show Bowser who's boss in this family."

And so, Wart set off to his brother's castle in Dark Land.


"Wha-ha-ha-ha! I got Peach! What are you going to do now, Mario?" shouted Bowser.

"Hey, give back Peach, you meanie!" threatened Mario.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, because I have... Kung Fu Action!" Bowser karate chopped Mario. He went down.

"Hey! What did you do to my bro?" asked Luigi.

"The same thing I'm going to do to you, Green Boy!" He karate chopped Luigi. "Gwa-ha-ha-ha! Now, Peach, I am alone with you!"

"Get away from me, chili breath!"

"No! You know you want me." At this, a Koopatrol came into the room. It is revealed that all that took place was just Bowser acting with action figures.

"Sir! I hate to interrupt your fantasies, but there is a gold-colored Koopa at the door. He says he knows you and wants to speak with you."

Bowser thought to himself. "Hmm...Sounds harmless enough. All right, escort him to the reception room. I'll meet with him later."

The Koopatrol opened the door and escorted Wart to the reception room. "Bowser will be with you shortly." With that, he made his exit. Wart sat down, thumbing through old issues of The Koopa Monitor.

"Bowser... soon, you will know the true might of Wart, King of Sub-Con and soon all the world! Bwahahahah!"

"Excuse me sir, is something the matter?" a Koopa at the reception desk asked.

"Oh, no, everything is perfect."

Bowser looked at Wart and turned to a Koopatrol, "Who is he?" he asked the Koopatrol.

"I don't know sir, just play along," replied the Koopatrol.

"Well," said Bowser, "long time, no see!"

"You don't know who I am," replied Wart.

"Not a clue," answered Bowser...

Bowser stared the golden Koopa up and down. Scratching his head, he started to speak in an uneasy tone. "Uhhh... Did we go to school together?"

Wart snorted. "No."

"Are you one of my servants?"

Wart snorted with more anger. "NO."

Bowser was still drawing a blank, and the Koopatrols around him started to whisper to each other. "Awkwaaaaaaaaard!" they murmured, avoiding any frustrated stares by their king.

Wart rolled his eyes and decided to give a hint. "Still playing with your dolls?" he laughed snidely.

Bowser got angry and smoke rolled from his nostrils. "They aren't DOLLS! They're ACTION FIGURES!

"Yeah, yeah, fire-punching action, I've heard it a million times over." Wart laughed. Bowser stamped his feet in anger.

"LISTEN, BUDDY! YOU'RE MESSING WITH THE KOOPA KING, NUMERO UNO ON THE WORLD DOMINATION TRAIN! SO SHUT UP AND GET OR... Woah..." Bowser grasped his chest. His two guards rushed to his side.

"My Lord! Remember! Think about your blood pressure!" one of the Koopatrols pleaded.

Bowser growled, keeping an eye on Wart. Wart returned Bowser's icy glare with a devilish smirk. Bowser's eyes suddenly widened...

"It can’t be?!" Bowser said.

"You betcha," said Wart.

"I can't believe I'm finally meeting the one and only Koops," Bowser said.

"YAHHHHHHHHH!" Wart screamed. He let out a huge fireball that toasted the Koopatrols surrounding Bowser.

"Calm down, Koops, my, you need to work on that temper of yours," Bowser said.

"I'm NOT that pea-brained coward!" Wart insisted. Bowser scoffed at Wart's OBVIOUS stupidity.

"SURE you're not, Koops. Well, Koops, just enjoy your stay, I'm off to torture the prisoners. See ya later, Koops!" Bowser mocked, laughing. He then strolled down to his dungeons, where screams of terror, laughter, and clowns could be heard throughout the castle.

Wart grumbled something about "Idiot", then began to look around.

Meanwhile in the Koopalings' game room...

"Hey Lemmy," shouted Iggy, "I have an awesome idea!"

"What is it?" asked Lemmy.

"Well, Bowser has a guest, who he thinks is Koops. If we can prove to him that he's not Koops, we could get on his good side, and you know what that means…” replied Iggy.

"... How on Plit do you know that there's a guy that King Dad is mistaking for Koops?" Lemmy asked, giving his brother a slightly confused look. "The reception room's all the way at the other end of the castle."

"I borrowed some of Larry's old walkie-talkies and one of Ludwig's fireproof video cameras, so I can find out what's going on there whenever I please," Iggy told his brother. "It seems odd, I know, but I have a good reason; I still owe General Guy some cash for helping me build my latest airship, and if he comes to collect, I want to be the first to know. But anyways, imagine what rewards we'll receive by helping to solve this matter!"

"... Remember who we're talking about, Iggy. There's a better chance that Waluigi will star in his own game than that King Dad will reward us just for helping him out. In fact, it's extremely more likely that we'll get sent to the dungeon for proving him wrong," Lemmy stated bluntly.

"That's a good point... which I will now completely ignore," Iggy stated as he grabbed his sibling's arm and began to drag him all the way to the reception room.

Meanwhile in the reception place…

"Hm, this place ain't half bad," Wart said. "It has its own charm to it." Wart turned his head to the left and saw a dartboard with a picture of Wart. "RAWG! How dare that scumbag?!" Wart breathed fire on the dartboard and burned it into a pile of ashes. "Oh sweet, I can breathe fire."

"Excuse me, Koops, we don't allow that dartboard to be burnt, as Sir Bowser uses it to practice his accuracy for when he launches evil plan destroy Wart," the Koopa receptionist said.

"That no good loser! He will pay for this. In fact, I think this is the perfect time to surprise him. Why, he'll have no clue what hit him," Wart thought to himself. "Yes it's a perfect plan. I'll convince Clawdia to join me and help me launch an attack on Bowser."

"Uhhhhh... Koops? Evil plotting is against Dark Land Law. I'm afraid I'm going to have to..." the Koopatrol stopped. Wart loomed above him, and then bashed the guard in the head, knocking him out.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T DO..." the other Koopatrol started. Wart quickly dispatched of him as well.

"Note to self, when I takeover Dark Land I need to hire better guards," Wart muttered under his breath.

It was at this point that Iggy and Lemmy entered the reception room. Iggy was about to say something, but stopped when he took a quick look around the room. There was a charred picture of Bowser's brother... a knocked-out minion... and “Koops” looked like he was about to act on some diabolical plan. Iggy realized that this all pointed to one single, definite solution.

"MARIO! Thought it was clever to disguise yourself as a Koopa to infiltrate King Dad's castle and launch a preemptive strike, did you? Well, prepare to be trounced!" Iggy shouted before leaping at the Koopified Wart, bounding off of his shell like a pinball and falling to the ground unconsciously.

"... Let's just pretend that never happened, okay?" Lemmy rhetorically asked as he grabbed his brother and began dragging him back to the room they were in before. Wart only stared at the two, slightly dumbfounded by the events, before returning to his sinister plotting seconds after they left.

"Ok, I'll review," Wart said to himself. "Side with Clawdia, get better guards, and get rid of Bowser. On second thought...  get rid of the Koopalings too, they attacked me."

Lemmy grumbled while dragging Iggy. "C'mon, of all the scatterbrained ideas... We can't beat Koops! He helped wipe the floor with King Dad!" the clown prince whined. Iggy was still seeing Starmen dance around his head. "Lousy little... Wait, what?" he overheard “Koops” mentioning something about getting rid of... Blooper Rings?

"That guy... loopy or something? Huh... Might be... fun to play with him..." Lemmy started giggling.

Wart stormed through the castle, pushing any Koopatrol or Terrapin in his way. Eventually he found a large, red door with an "X" on it. Wart shrugged and pushed the door open.

"HEY! HEY! HEY!" a voice called out. Suddenly a strange, green Hammer Brother dropped down before the Sub-conian king. He wore a bow-tie and smiled as he twirled a green hammer around and around. "WELCOME TO THE FOUR FLOORS OF PAIN! I'M your host, Dr. Topper, but everyone calls me Dr. T, foo!" he mocked.

Wart applied his claw directly to his forehead. "Please... I JUST want to get to Clawdia and..."

"HOLD UP! I'll take you to Miss Clawdia, but first, you have to answer some difficult trivia questions about Koopa Kingdom defenses! If you win, I'll give you... A NEW CAR!" Dr. T exclaimed. Wart's heart started beating rapidly.

"SERIOUSLY?!" Wart exclaimed.

"Nope," Dr. T answered sarcastically.

Wart was about to torch Topper, but kept his flames in...

"Question 1," Dr. T shouted, "what's 8 times 3 dived by the square root of 1,056 times 2? You have 3 seconds to answer."

"WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH DEFENSES?!" Wart screamed. Eventually, a timer buzzed, and a Thwomp fell on Wart's head.

"Ohhh...sorry, that's incorrect! And for every wrong answer, you get a big heapin' helpin' of pain!" Dr. T said joyfully.

"THAT'S HARDLY…" Wart began, before he was interrupted by the doctor's next question.

"QUESTION 2!" Dr. T exclaimed. "Anti Guy, Whomp, Chibobo, and Gabon are in a triathlon. Whomp is the fastest in the bike race, but was beaten by everyone else in swimming. Anti Guy stayed in the same place the entire race. Chibobo came in third in swimming. Gabon was behind Whomp in running. Who did Bowser award the first place medal to? You have four seconds."

"That's easy, the answer is-" said Wart but he was cut off by a Thowmp.

"So sorry, next time answer faster! Question 4," shouted Dr. T.

"4, what happened to 3?" Wart asked.

"He's on to us! Run!" Dr. T whispered to his assistant.

"What am I on to?" Wart questioned.

"Oh man, he knows all," said Dr. T "The only way to avoid this is to ask him another question."

"This is ridiculous," Wart replied.

"Too bad, go with the story," Dr. T replied.

"No," Wart said.

"Too bad, you're under contract," Dr. T said.

"What contract?" Wart asked.

"The invisible contract of all," Dr. T said.

"This is ridiculous," Wart replied in irritation.

"Well fine then!" Dr. T lashed back in disgust. "If that's your attitude, you can take my job! I quit! Seems that people here don't respect me enough!" Dr. T stormed out, his assistant following close behind.

"Do I get my raise now, sir?" the assistant asked.


"Well, that was awkward." said Wart. "But at least I'm away from that nut job!" Wart climbed up to the Second Floor of Pain. There, he found a Koopa with flowing hair carrying a really long striped pole.

"Pwah! I am the greatest assassin who has ever lived! You can't possibly defeat me!" Taking his candy cane-looking pole, he thrust it at Wart.
"It appears you defeated Dr. T," the Koopa assassin said, "but, I should warn you, I fought with Smithy when he tried to overtake Bowser's Keep."

"Didn't Smithy lose?" Wart asked, looking puzzled.
"Curse you, you've found out!" the Koopa assassin said.

"What am I even on to?" Wart asked.

"Oh man, you know way too much. I must leave, and once I do feel free to continue on to the third floor," the Koopa assassin said as he jumped off the floor.

"This is too weird," Wart thought out loud to himself. "Oh whatever, might as well carry on."

Just then the Koopa assassin came back and snuck up behind Wart. Wart turned around and saw him. "Uhhh... I forgot my wallet! Yeah, that's it, my wallet," said the assassin.

"LIAR!" screamed Wart. He tackled the assassin to the ground.

"Oof! Ow! Get off me!" Wart got off the assassin. "You scare me! I'm going home!" The assassin ran out, leaving behind his striped pole.

"Finally! Time to move to the next floor!" He notices the pole. "Hmm... This could be useful!" Wart said, snickering to himself as he stored the pole.

On the third floor was a very plump-looking Shy Guy. The surrounding walls were made out of gingerbread and plastered with gumdrops and chocolate sauce.

"Yes! Bow before me, Candy Guy! You will become FAT, just like me! Yes!"

"Listen," said Wart with a casual tone, "I got some extra candy that I could give you if you let me go..."

"No," said the Shy Guy, "I am ordered to- Wait a minute... What type of candy?"

"Umm... Chocolate," replied Wart

"CHOCLATE! I LOVE CHOCLATE! GIMME!" shouted the Shy Guy.

When Wart advanced to the next floor, the door shut behind him. The room was pitch-black, until half of the lights came on. Wart could see a pair of green eyes slowly coming towards him.

"So you made it here," the Unknown Foe said. "Let's see how good you really are."

"Who are you?" asked Wart.

"Me? I am everything, yet nothing. Life, and Death. Best Friend, but Mortal Enemy," the Foe said. "I am Kakang, Bowser's Secret Adviser!"

"... 'Secret' advisor? Not anymore, apparently," Wart commented, anger evident in his voice. He was getting quite tired of all this resistance, especially since he hadn't even been recognized as an actual threat to the Koopa Kingdom yet. "Now, do me a favor, and just step aside."

"I could do that... and yet, at the same time, I cannot," was Kakang's reply. "For I should allow you passage, yet I still must guard the path. I judge that you should not have to deal with such measures, but I cannot take any chances. Though you have already proven your worth, there is a chance that you still don't have enough skill to proceed. I-"

"AW, SHADDUP!" Wart screamed, having lost almost all of his patience. If any more stress built up in his mind, things would certainly get ugly... well, uglier, at least.

"I heard your thought," said Kakang

"You're getting on my nerves. Now die!" Wart screamed. He shoved Kakang down the tower and went through the door. He stepped in and saw something he’d never imagined.

But it wasn't Gloomtail, not even close. What Wart saw was the best kept secret of Bowser's castle. It was a giant Mario robot, and behind that was Clawdia. The Mario Robot was currently offline, but Wart had a feeling Bowser would use it in the near future. So, Wart walked over to Clawdia, thinking about what he was going to say.

"Uhh..." Clawdia said.

"What is this?" Wart asked.

"Oh, nothing, just Bowser’s latest scheme," said Clawdia.

"Let me guess: he's going to kidnap Peach with this thing, and even though Mario's been saving her for the past couple of decades, all of his allies will turn against him because they'll think HE built it," Wart uttered.

"Actually, that's not the plan at all," Clawdia replied. "Not the part about the princess, at least."

"... It isn't? That's odd; he's got a one-track mind when it comes to kidnapping princesses. So, then, what IS this thing for?" Wart inquired.

"Why should I tell you? I don't even know who you are! In fact, I've probably told you much more than I should have in the last few seconds, so don't make me call the guards on you!" Clawdia told the former giant frog.

"Grrr.... Just tell me now!" Wart said.

"GUARDS!" Clawdia exclaimed.

Two massive Sledge Bros. come in.

"He's been trespassing," said Clawdia.

"You come with us. Time to pay a visit to da Bowser," said a Sledge Bro as they dragged Wart. The two threw him in a dungeon and Bowser was across from it. He sat in his throne.

"Attack!" Bowser commanded.

The Koopalings came from a door and rushed towards him

"HOLD IT!" Bowser screamed. His children immediately ceased their lunging, but then started complaining.

"Aww, Dad? I wanna beat up da prisoner! Lemme do it! Lemme do it!" Roy whined.

"NO!" The Koopalings fell back, and Wart approached Bowser. Bowser studied Wart's figure carefully. A Koopatrol came up to him, and they whispered something.

"Are you sure this is the guy who wanted to see me?

"Yes, I'm pretty sure. I remember all the carnage."

"Carnage, hmm? This could be interesting." They stopped whispering. The mighty King of All the Koopas cleared his throat, and began to speak. "Ahem! I have heard much about you, Koops." At the uttering of that name, Wart's heart sank. "Your battle prowess is impressive, and I request your help. I hope you will hear me out."

"Oh, I'll hear you out all right!" Wart muttered to himself.

"You see, I am currently under attack. And this is not just the usual Mario/Luigi/Yoshi/Toad/Petey problem, no sir! I am threatened by external forces! My own wife, Clawdia, is plotting against me!" Bowser took a pause. "Hey! This is where everyone is supposed to dramatically gasp!"

Everyone in the room gasped, as His Smelliness dictated.

"Now, where was I? I lost my train of thought."

"You were telling our guest about your wife's attempt to overthrow you, sir," a guard piped up.

"Now I remember! I was telling our guest about my wife's attempt to overthrow me! Oh, and put whoever spoke out of turn in the dungeon!"

"I will put myself in the dungeon, sir." With that, the guard walked off.

"So anyway, as you can see, I am in a bit of a pickle here. But that's not all! I have intelligence-"

Wart snickered at this word.

"-that Clawdia is training a secret army in the basement of this very castle! Since I am too cowardly to attack my own wife, and since my other minions are under contract, what say you... dispose of my problem for me, hmm?"

Wart let this stew in his mind for a minute, and then got an idea. "Why yes, I would love to kill your significant other! Anything for my idol!"

"Great!" Bowser handed Wart a rolled-up paper. "Here's a map of the castle. Go to the basement, and take out Clawdia's army. You can either kill Clawdia or bring her to me. I don't care. I just wanna get this off my chest!" He stared at Wart. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go! Go!" Wart ran to the basement.

Meanwhile, back at Wart's hideout...

"Hey, Phil?"

"Y-Yes, Al?"

"Why do you think Wart went to Bowser's Castle... without ANY of his minions?"

"I-I don't k-know. Maybe he wanted the c-c-challenge?"

"No, you nimrod! He was so self-absorbed, he forgot the most important thing!"

"A chili dog?"

"No, us! We gotta go over there and help our boss!"

"Yeah. He probably wouldn't like it if he came back and just saw us lying here." Phil imitated Wart, his voice almost a perfect match. "What are you two lying around here for?! Why didn't you help me?! That's IT! No more cherries for you two!"

"Ok, that's enough." Phil and Al started on the long trek to the castle.

However, while Bowser was talking to "Koops", the Koopalings were having a little conversation...

"Hey Ludwig," Lemmy said, "why is there water in Desert Land?"

"Uhh... I don't know! Just leave me alone," Ludwig shouted while running to his room.

Lemmy started following Ludwig up to his room.

"Go away!" said Ludwig, as he held out his latest invention, The Laser Gun 2000.

"Look," said Lemmy, "I'm not the enemy, Wart is!"

Back with our... hero? Main character, at the very least. Either way, Wart was now in the basement, looking for Clawdia and her army... Well, “looking” isn't exactly the right word. After all, when most people look around for someone, they don't use their flame breath to torch everything in sight... not that most people can exhale fire, of course. Wart had obviously decided to do a little extra damage while he was in such a vital part of the castle's structure. Why not? After he torched Bowser’s wife, the next logical step in ruining Bowser's life was... actually, it would be his children. He probably should've STARTED with tearing the place down, but he was doing so now, so it really didn't matter much.

"Heeeeeeere, Clawdia, Clawdia! Come out and plaaaaaaaay!" Wart called out right before punching a door down. Luckily for him, behind that door was Clawdia herself. Unluckily for him, behind Clawdia was about a hundred Koopatrols that were about to beat his-

Meanwhile, near the castle's entrance, Al and Phil had just arrived. They had taken a taxi, so the trek there had gone much more quickly than it would have otherwise.

Phil looked at first the fortress, then Al. "What are we gonna do next?

Al shrugged. "Beats me."

They stood there for a moment, gazing at the fortress, until they heard the voice...

The feminine voice that they heard said one thing: I know what to do.

Phil and Al spun around, for the voice came from behind them, but there was no one there. They turned around and came face-to-face with a bright blue Boo. "Boo," she said.
Phil and Al screamed.

Bowser heard shrieks come from outside the castle. What was that? he thought.

Meanwhile, the Boo was trying to shut Phil and Al up.
"Shh..." she repeatedly coaxed.

When Al and Phil stopped screaming, the young Boo introduced herself. "My name is Princess Amy Alice Boo. My father is King Boo."

Al cowered behind Phil, who was smiling. Amy was a very pretty ice-blue Boo with a lily propped in bobbed silver hair. "I'm Phil, and this is Al."

"Listen, I can help you," said Amy. "While I may not know your mission, my heart tells me you will do the opposite of it."

"The OPPOSITE?!" gasped Al. "Amy, we would never ever betray King Wart!"

All that Amy did was wink.

Back with Wart, Wart was face to face with the army of Koopatrols.

"So, you're with Bowser now," said Clawdia.

'What? I have no idea what you're talking about," said Wart.

Just then, three figures crashed down on a lever, and all the Koopatrols fell into a pit. The three figured emerge, and Wart immediately recognizes two of their faces.

"Clawgrip and Mouser! What are you doing here? And who is the third guy?" Wart asked, turning around to face the lever-pulling people.

"Yo, Wartzer. Thought we'd never find ya as you are now," Mouser uttered, sounding like a hipster. "We 'cided to stop by your place so we could tells ya 'bout our plan to get revenge on Mario and his gang, but both you and the hired help had up and vanished. Figurin' that you found some way to take care of your bro, or that you finally reconciled and were plotting some co-op action to take care of the red-capped plumber, we got a ride and came straight over."


"I thought you said you knew your way around this place!" Al burst out, as he, his friend, and the ghost had entered their fifteenth corridor, which looked exactly like the previous fourteen.

"I never told you dolts that!" Amy yelled back at the guy. "I've only been here for a few hours at best, and I always just went through the walls when I needed to get someplace! You mortals and your confusing passageways, what's up with that? Just because I'm the daughter of King Boo, it doesn't mean I'm a navigational expert!"

"Yeah... How's that possible, anyways?" Phil pondered aloud. "At the very, VERY least, King Boo would need a wife in order to have a child. And, no offense, I just can't picture that big puffball hooking up with anyone, living OR dead... or in between, depending on how you count zombies and vampires."

"Look," said Amy, "my mother got a divorce the day after I was born. I haven't seen her since she left me with my father." She glanced at Phil. "And Boos don't 'get together' so to speak. The males pick a female every 1,000 years."

Amy's face grew expressionless, and she slowly drifted away. She broke out of the trance when a voice behind her yelled, "HEY!"

Amy spun around, and grew pale.

There, behind our true wannabe heroes, was an army of Koopatrols.

"RUN!" gasped Amy, who raced towards a wall. But instead of going through it, she bumped into it and fell on the floor. Big mistake.

Phil and Al dashed towards the injured Boo, and, within seconds, were surrounded by at least 50 Koopatrols. Their leader stepped up to them and said, "You're coming with us."

About half an hour later, Phil, Al, and Amy were in the presence of Bowser.
"STATE YOUR BUSINESS!" he ordered. Phil and Al introduced themselves before Amy. Amy began her introduction with her two-sentence speech. When she mentioned "King Boo" Bowser ordered that the trio be sent to the dungeon.

Later, Al asked Amy why she didn't pass through the wall. "I must have solidified from fear," she answered, simply.

"Solidified," asked Phil. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Why are you asking me?" shouted Al, "What makes you think I'll know what that means?"

"I'm not asking you, I'm asking her," replied Phil, pointing to Amy.

Amy glared at Phil. She was in a cell across the hall. "Well, you idiot," she snapped, "it means that I went solid. A Boo can't live on invisibility alone!"

Phil looked at her, dumbfounded. "So that's why it sounded like solid!"

"HEY!" barked a guard who was guarding the entrance to the dungeon. "I said no talking back there!"

Amy rolled her eyes and looked away from the embarrassed Shy Guys.

About an hour later, Lemmy and Iggy walked into the dungeon. They passed by Amy's cell. "King Dad said that-" began Iggy.

"The ghost can come out for questioning," finished Lemmy.

"What about us?!" yelled Al. "We're her friends!"

Lemmy thought for a moment, grabbed a ring of keys, and unlocked the cell door. "Oh, fine. But any punishment she gets, you two get," Lemmy stated, walking off.

Al smirked. That means, he thought, that we can't be executed! Boos are already dead... Aren't they?

Meanwhile, in another room of the castle, Larry and Junior were playing a match in Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It was Bowser vs. Mario, as Junior had recently lost a bet.

"Hah! Taste Giga Bowser, fool!" shouted Larry.

"Grr... Come on, get the CLUSTER BOMB!" Bowser Jr. angrily shouted.

"... What kind of game do you think we're playing?"

"Sorry, I've seen that PSP commercial one two many times..."

But, as they continued to battle, all of a sudden...

...the cosmic forces of the universe remembered that Wart was the main character, and that it's apparently been an hour since he was last heard from. So, they have decided to focus on what he, Mouser, Fryguy, and the mysterious other character were currently doing.

"...And that's the whole story, every last detail, right up until you came into the picture," Wart finished. Apparently he had been describing what had happened to him for the past sixty or so minutes. Sadly for him, only the guy he couldn't recognize was still listening; the others fell asleep halfway through.

"That's certainly an interesting tale," the stranger (at least, to Wart) commented. "Now, allow me to tell you my tale, of why I have decided to come out of my way in order to be of assistance to you and your comrades. It shouldn't take too long, certainly not as long as your tale, but this story is important nonetheless."

But just then, a loud explosion could be heard, and soon Wart, Mouser, and Clawgrip were engulfed in a white glow. Said event had occurred a bit earlier, back with Larry and Junior.

"Hah! Beat ya!" shouted Larry.

"Grr... I get to choose the fighters this time!"


"Hmm... How about... Ganondorf vs. Jigglypuff?!"

"AW, *bleep*!!!"

Just then Ludwig ran into the room with the strange device he had built earlier. "Eat beam, Wart!" said Ludwig as he shot the beam across the room. Larry and Junior were barely able to dodge the blast, and it hit the Wii.

"What was that for?!" cried Larry.

"Wait... I thought Wart was disguised as Junior?" pondered Ludwig.

"No!" replied BJ.

"What the- DARN LAKITU!!!" shouted Ludwig as a sly Lakitu could be heard laughing in the distance.

Meanwhile, the beam had not destroyed the Wii. Instead, it began acting funny. A powerful white beam shot out of it and to different locations around the house. One beam engulfed Wart, Mouser, and Clawgrip. Another engulfed Bowser. Then, they were all dragged into the room and before anyone knew it, Bowser, Wart, Mouser, and Clawgrip were trapped within Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

"Cool!" shouted Larry and Junior simultaneously as they began to resume play.

Meanwhile, back with Clawdia and the mystery man...

"Aw crud, I’d better follow him," uttered MM.

"WAIT!" shouted Clawdia.


"You were just about to reveal who you were and I will not just let you leave a mystery. Who are you?"

"You're right... My name is..."

However, the beam quickly subsided, and everyone was back to where they were before.

"Now about my tale," the stranger continued...

"I was born in a little town of Boos about 55 years ago. I was given no name. That is, at least, until I met a runaway Boo princess named Amy. We were friends until I was 35."

"Why?" asked Wart.

"Because of the incident. Amy moved from the town, and a year later, disaster struck the little town. I was the only one who escaped. Everyone else died."

"Hold on a second. The town was full of Boos. Boos are already dead. What do you mean everybody else died?"

"A Boo can die. I roamed for years until I ran into Mouser and Clawgrip. We traveled around and ended up here."

"Wow." said Bowser. "What is your name, anyways?"

The stranger laughed. "How impolite I am. My name is..."

Amy, Al, and Phil were fleeing Lemmy, Iggy, and a group of Koopatrols. Okay... Amy was carrying both Shy Guys, but nonetheless…

"WE TOLD YOU, NO FUNNY STUFF!" Lemmy shouted out to the 120-year-old Boo.

"WHAT I DID BACK THERE WASN'T FUNNY!" Amy hollered back.

"Where are you taking us?" yelled Al.

Amy wound around a few corners and zipped down a flight of stairs. "I don't know, and I don't care as long as it's away from here!" Amy flew around the castle and into the room where the stranger had finished his story. The young Boo stopped, dropping Phil and Al. "NOAH!!!"

The stranger spun around. When he spotted the Boo, his jaw dropped.

"Noah?" asked the Boo, floating up to the stranger. "Is that you?"

Noah smirked. "Only if you are Ms. Amy Alice Boo!"

Amy hugged Noah. "Oh, Noah! I thought that I'd never see you again!"

"So did I!"

Wart spotted the two Shy Guys on the ground. As they recovered, Wart recognized them at once. "PHIL! AL! What are you doing here?"

Chatter filled the room. "QUIIIIIIIEEEEET!!!" yelled Bowser.

The voices silenced at once.

Content, Bowser yelled one thing.

"What's going on in here?" yelled a voice.

Well... he tried to.

Clawdia stepped inside the room. Bowser's mind shouted many things, but Bowser only said one of them: "Oh crud."

Clawdia glanced around the room. "What's going on?"

Amy thought fast. "Um... It's a surprise high school reunion," she tried.

"Oh really?"

Amy elbowed Bowser. "Play along with it," she said through her teeth.

"Oh! Uh... Yes! These guys used to go to high school with me!"

Clawdia wasn't convinced.

"My locker was by his," Amy piped up.

Al was next. "My locker was next to hers."

Phil said, "My locker was next to his."

"My locker was on the other side of the building, but, I'm his brother," stated Wart.

Clawdia nodded and walked away.

The group sighed deeply.

"... Well, that was close. I was almost certain that my wife would... WAIT. Wait a dang second!" Bowser uttered as he charged towards Wart. "What did you say?! You're... my brother?!"

"Yes! Oh yes! I've been trying to tell you that since the beginning of this stupid story! That's why I've been trying to KILL YOU! I'm not here because of Mario! I'm not here because of Clawdia! The only reason I'm here is to extract my vengeance for what you did to me, and after all of this nonsense, there's NO WAY I'm going to wait another second!" Wart burst out, an almost unnoticeable glint of happiness in his eyes. After all, his personal goal in life was ever so close to finally coming to fruition.

"... No! Impossible! I can't... I WON'T... believe that Koops is my brother!" Bowser exclaimed, which caused everyone else in the room to simultaneously facepalm. This rather comical action had a serious side effect, though. Due to all of the chaos that had occurred this day, the building's structure was nowhere near the level it was supposed to be. So the soundwaves emitted by almost everyone thrusting a palm to their forehead at the same time was all that was needed to make the entire castle vibrate. In mere minutes, the whole place would collapse. That was good news if you wanted to eliminate something quickly, like all of those robots that Clawdia had. But, if they didn't hurry, everyone inside would be eliminated themselves.

Amy shot through the ceiling and dove down through the foyer ceiling. Amy dashed for the intercom. "Residents of Koopa Kastle," she said into the intercom, "please evacuate the building before it crashes to the ground." Amy hung the com up and saw that everyone had gone outside.

As Koopa Kastle fell to the ground, Amy called roll. Everybody was safe.

Al looked at Wart. "So... lemme get this straight. You were going to... kill Bowser and his family?"

Wart nodded. "Yep."

Al backed away. "You disgust me! And to think that Phil and I were gonna help you. I feel like... rebelling!"

Phil nodded. "So do I."

Amy swerved towards Phil and Al. "I TOLD YOU!!! I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WOULD DO THE OPPOSITE OF YOU ORIGINAL MISSION!!!" Amy danced happily.

Noah smiled at Amy. "You are a true prophet," he said.

Amy paused. "What do you mean?"

"When you moved, you said that your heart told you that we would meet again."

Amy's blue cheeks turned pale purple as the Boo blushed. "It runs in the family."

Phil looked puzzled. "What are you talking about?" he asked Amy, "We were rebelling against Bowser."

"You were?" responded the Boo.

"Yep," answered Al. "He promised us tacos."

"Uhh... About that," replied Bowser. "The tacos are outside." He paused. "Yeah, let's go with that," he thought. "So let's get out of here!"

Amy gasped. "Guys! Snap out of it!"

Then the world blurred and faded to black...

Al, Phil, and Bowser awoke to either Amy's frantic shaking or the Koopa Klan's frantic screaming. Phil groaned. "What just happened?"

"There was a Hypnosis Koopa behind me. You guys were looking at it after Noah said I was a 'true prophet'. You three fainted and started ranting about tacos. You were already outside because Koopa Kastle was collapsing, and you were originally rebelling against Wart for trying to kill Bowser and his family."

"Woah, woah, woah, WOAH!" interrupted Bowser. "Hold on a minute! Do you mean that Koops is really... Wart?"

"OH!" screamed Al. "So now he understands!"

As if out of the blue, Dr. Mario came in an ambulance. "Is everyone okay?"

Amy shook her head and glanced at Wart. "We need two favors. Firstly, we need help rebuilding the Kastle."


"I'm getting to that. Secondly, we need Mr. Golden Koopa over here to be arrested for attempted murder and the overall destruction of Koopa Kastle."

"What's in it for me?"

"I'll have a pizza party-"


A while later, Amy was holding a pizza/pool party. Everyone was there, and I mean everyone. Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, all of the Koopalings, Bowser, Clawdia, anyone else in the Mario universe that you can think of, and, for some reason, Pac-man.

Amy was stuffing her mouth with pizza. She spied Wart, sitting glumly in a cage. It's kind of hard to have fun at a pizza/pool party when you're a frog in a cage, you know. For a moment, Amy pitied Wart. She glanced in the pizza box. One piece of pizza, she thought. I think that Wart would like it.

Amy floated over to Wart. "Um... Wart, sir?"

Wart glared at Amy. "Whaddaya want?"

"Um..." said the Boo awkwardly, "I wanted you to have the last slice of pizza. Y'know... It's sort of an apology."

Wart grumbled his thanks as Amy turned around and flew away. She spotted Noah, Al, and Phil. "Hey, you guys!" she called to them.

The trio turned their heads to face the blue Boo. "Hi, Am!” (Pronounced aim)

"I have good news!" Amy could barely hold in her newfound excitement. Noah, Al, and Phil could see that, and cocked their heads in curiosity.

"I'm... I'm... I'm... HAPPY!"

Noah, Al, and Phil all facepalmed.

The End

Credit goes to Liggy, The Dryest Bones, Chris The Awesome, Crawler Bomb, Waluigi's Twin, kwtoad, Lester, Anne KMT 123, Super Goomba, and zz1666 for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.

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