Intro: The Monochrome Jewels
One day Wario is sitting in his throne
picking his nose and forcing Waluigi to watch his treasured treasures in
the basement.
Wario: Ah hahahaha! This castle couldn't
be any more wonderful!
Waluigi (in basement): Oooh, black
and white jewels! Maybe Wario wouldn't mind if I pocketed them.
Waluigi picks up the black and white
jewels.
Waluigi: That's odd, I hear a rumble
coming from my pocket.
Suddenly the black and white jewels
erupt from Waluigi's pocket, but they are huge and each have a huge eye
and tentacles!
Waluigi: Ummmm.. Hi?
Black Jewel: How dare you-
White Jewel: Disturb our slumber?!
Wario comes rushing into the basement.
Wario: SHUT YER YAPS, I'M TRYING TO
COUNT MY COINS!!!
Wario sees the black and white jewels,
turns pale, and runs behind Waluigi's back.
Wario: Hide me!
Waluigi: Sorry, I can't. I'm too skinny.
Black: I'm Hooktail!
White: And I'm Doopliss!
The real Doopliss and Hooktail: Copycats!
Waluigi: So Wario, what are Doopliss
and Hooktail doing here anyway?
Wario: Which ones?
Waluigi: The real ones.
Wario: Oh, I made a bet that they couldn't
stick their heads in the toilet and they did so they get to live here.
Waluigi: Oh.
Doopliss (Jewel): Now we will destroy
your castle!
Wario: Oh, okay. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!!
Hooktail (Jewel): Too late.
Hooktail breaks down the castle.
Wario: Ok, I HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH!!!
Wario seals the jewels inside a giant
treasure chest before he realizes he and Waluigi are in a strange plaza.
Hooktail and Doopliss (both Jewels
and from inside treasure chest): All right, we are going to legally change
our names to Mudtail and Dooplica.
Wario and Waluigi: Why?
Mudtail: Because the author is getting
tired of writing "Jewel" in brackets all the time.
Wario and Waluigi: Okay.
Wario: Well, we need to find our way
out of here.
Waluigi: O.k!
World 1-Excitement Central
Level 1-Greenhorn Forest
Waluigi: Let's go through this unsafe
and strange white portal.
Wario: Yeah.
They do so and land headfirst in the
ground.
Wario: Wherf aref wef? (Where are we?)
Waluigi gets his head out of the ground.
Waluigi: I don't know.
Wario gets his head out of the ground.
Wario: Well, LET’S! TAKE! AN! ADVENTURE!!!
Waluigi: Um, okay.
Wario: Ooooooh, a switch.
Wario punches the switch and a treasure
chest appears on a "W" panel next to the Warios.
Waluigi: MINE!!!
Wario: NO, MINE!!!
Waluigi runs over to the treasure chest
with Wario huffing and puffing behind.
Waluigi: I got here first so I'm bound
to get whatever is in here. HAHAHAHAHAH!
While Waluigi is laughing Wario opens
the treasure chest.
Waluigi: HEY!!!
Wario: You snooze you lose.
Wario takes a ruby out of the treasure
chest.
Wario: Cool.
Wario runs over to a group of mini
Magons.
Wario: SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!!!
Magon: All right.
The Magon claws Wario and knocks him
out.
Waluigi: You idiots!
Waluigi beats up all of the Magons.
Waluigi walks away and sees a robot whose head is shaped liked a clove
of garlic.
Robot: I'm a Garlic Dispenser, if you
punch me I'll give you Garlic for a certain amount of coins. C'mon, show
me what you got!
Waluigi puts all his strength into
his punch.
Waluigi: ULTIMATE PAUNCH!!!
Waluigi punches the Garlic Dispenser
and it explodes, leaving behind a gigantic pile of Garlic.
Waluigi: All right!
Wario suddenly and miraculously recovers
and eats one 27th of the Garlic and then faints again.
Wario: Too much garlic...
Waluigi walks away and sees five bouncing
boxes in a row.
Spritelings: Get us out of here, you
dumbdumb!
Waluigi: Ok, ok, jeez.
Waluigi punches them all and the Spritelings
pop out.
Spritelings: You're UGLY!
Waluigi: Hey!
The Spritelings all hop away.
Waluigi: You're supposed to give me
a hint!
Red Spriteling: Save me your sob story
for later!
Wario miraculously recovers again and
falls into a conveniently placed trapdoor right next to Waluigi.
Waluigi: Hey, wait up!
Waluigi jumps into the trapdoor and
sees Greenfist (a green monster) gnawing on Wario's leg.
Wario: HELP!
Waluigi picks up Greenfist and throws
him into a wall, and Greenfist falls into an abyss.
Floor: *BOOM!!!*
Greenfist: OOOOOWWWWW!!!
Wario: *in high, annoying voice* I
win!
Wario starts running around uncontrollably.
Waluigi: Why don't you ever use exclamation
marks?
I don't know, but I don't even get
paid to do this lame-o job, so cut me some slack.
Waluigi: Oh.
Waluigi and Wario come out of the white
portal.
Wario: All right.
Wario: AHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Waluigi: Let's skip this next one and
go to the boss.
Wario: Okay.
Boss-Dinomighty
Wario and Waluigi walk into the white
portal and see a giant dinosaur in a room with a red carpet and a lava
pool going around the edges
Wario: Mother.
Waluigi: Bring it on!
Wario: Eek!
Wario jumps into the lava.
Wario: IT BURNS!!!
Waluigi: I guess I'm doing this battle
myself.
Dinomighty: Shiver in fear, I am the
great, ugly- no, reasonably attractive Dinomighty!
Waluigi yawns and falls asleep to indicate
that Dinomighty's introduction was boring.
Waluigi: *snore*
Waluigi wakes up.
Dinomighty: How was that somniferous?
Waluigi: Rule number one, no using
big words like Ludwig.
Dinomighty: Affermitave.
Waluigi: ...
Waluigi grabs a column and throws it
at Dinomighty.
Dinomighty: AAAARRGGHHHHHH!!! That
was extremely painful!
Wario: EEEEEEEEAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!!
Dinomighty falls in the lava and sinks.
Waluigi: Get out of the lava, Wario.
Wario sinks. The white portal appears
and Waluigi goes into it. Waluigi walks out of the white portal and Wario
falls out of the sky with third degree burns.
Wario: Pain...
Wario faints.
Waluigi: I need someone strong and
capable to help me carry Wario to Spooktastic World.
Suddenly Bowser pops out of nowhere.
Bowser: I'm strong and capable!
Waluigi: ...
Bowser throws Wario out of Excitement
Central and he lands in Spooktastic World.
Wario (from far away): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Bowser: LEMMY!!!
Lemmy: Yes, King Dad.
Lemmy mutters something and zaps Bowser
and he disappears. Then Lemmy disappears too.
Waluigi: That... was awkward.
Waluigi walks through the gate to Spooktastic
World and sees Wario lying on the ground.
Wario: Uuuuuuhhhhhhh.
Waluigi shrugs and remembers something
he forgot.
Waluigi: OH YEAH!!!
Waluigi throws the key he obtained
from Dinomighty at the Giant Treasure Chest.
Mudtail: (to Dooplica) Did you see
that we're going to get out of here soon?
Dooplica: I know!
Now back to our uuuuuhhhh... good guys.
Wario: Good guys?
Well, you can't really be called heroes,
so…
Wario: I GET IT, NOW SHUT UP!!!
All right. (to myself) Yikes.
Wario and Waluigi walk into the all-too-familiar
white portal.
White Portal: I'm gettin' tired of
seein' their ugly mugs.
Waluigi: THAT THING CAN TALK?!
White Portal: Yeah, you wanna make
something out of it, Hommie?
Waluigi: First of all, my name's Waluigi.
Second of all, no I don't want to make something out of it.
White Portal: What?
Waluigi: I said, NO I
DON'T WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF IT!!!
Wario: Waluigi, I didn't know you had
it in you.
Waluigi: Neither did I, but look, we're
here!
Wario turns pale and faints.
Waluigi: I never thought Wario would
be so scared of a haunted house.
Big Bone Fist: But you'll have to go
through me first!
Waluigi jumps over Big Bone Fist’s
wall.
Big Bone Fist: Hey! That's cheating!
Waluigi: Don't care, bye bye.
BBF: Grrrrrrr...
Wario recovers.
BBF: Hey! It's you, but it looks like
you put on some weight.
Wario: What the !@#$ are you talking
about?
BBF: Ah, such a bad mouth.
BBF crushes Wario.
Wario: Pain...
Back with Waluigi...
Waluigi: AAAAHHH! Bone Clubosaurs
Bone Clubosaurs: Oooorrrr.
Waluigi beats them up.
Waluigi: YAY! The haunted mansion.
Waluigi goes through events impossible
to describe before reaching the boss door.
Waluigi: CANNONBALL!!!
Waluigi does a cannonball through the
trapdoor and sees a big doll with wings.
Big Doll with Wings: Die!
Waluigi punches the doll and it goes
flying.
Waluigi: That... was unexpected.
The white portal appears.
Waluigi: So we meet again.
White Portal: ... Shut up and come
in.
Waluigi: Okay.
Waluigi walks into the white portal
and comes out in Spooktastic World.
Back with Wario...
*BANG* *CRASH* *KABOOM*
Wario: Ow! AAAAHHH!!! OWIE!!! !@#$!!!
BBF: Ha ha! This is great fun!
Wario jumps off the edge and ends up
with Waluigi.
Wario: No comment please.
Waluigi: ... TO THE BOSS!!!
Wario and Waluigi jump through the
white portal.
Dual Dragon 1: Me and Bro kill you.
Dual Dragon 2: Yeah!
Wario (like always) faints. Waluigi
punches the first Dual Dragon, and the second Dual Dragon tries to blow
fire on Waluigi but misses and ends up hitting Dual Dragon 1, killing him.
Waluigi: Now, it's your turn.
Waluigi punches the second Dual Dragon
at least 100 times, killing him. Wario regains consciousness.
Wario: Morning.
Waluigi gets the key, goes through
the white portal, and puts the key in the Giant Treasure Chest. It shakes
as he and Wario go to the next world.
To Be Continued...
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