One day Lemmy was standing in his Photo Album, looking at pictures of balls.  He saw a green one with a yellow star, one that was blue with purple polka dots of various sizes, one that was half red and half white with a little design in the middle, and one that had a bright floral pattern.  Considering for a moment, Lemmy picked up the third picture and used his magic wand to zap the picture into 3-D existence, dropping the picture as he did so.

When the ball hit the ground, it broke in half and let out a blue light.  “They sure don’t make these balls like they used to,” grumbled Lemmy.  But when the blue light faded Lemmy saw what Koopas feared the most.  They feared it more than Mario and Luigi.  They feared it more than Ludwig’s music.  They feared it more than cousin Susan.  They feared it more than a speech by Morton, one of Wendy’s tantrums, and Roy all put together.

“Pika Pikaa!” said the very frightening thing.

Lemmy ran screaming from the Photo Album with the little yellow scary thing with a highly unusual tail in hot pursuit.  Quickly he ducked inside the Phonebooth and closed the door tight behind him.

“You’ll have to wait,” a large bird told him.  “My other head is making a call right now.”

 Lemmy screamed again and ran as fast as he could to Susan’s Pages.  “They’ll never find me here,” he smiled.

Then Lemmy saw a big pink balloon floating towards him.  It landed at his feet, rocked back and forth, and proclaimed loudly, “Jigglypuff!”

“AAAAAHHH!!!!!!!” Lemmy ran away, chased by the scary pink balloon and the even scarier yellow mouse.  He ducked inside Mysteries, thinking he would be safe.

“Sandslash!” he yelled as soon as he saw his assistant.  “Help me!  Hide me!  They’re after me!”

“I was hoping I’d find you, Lemmy,” Sandslash grinned.  “Look at these old pictures I found!  Here’s me when I was just a little Sandshrew.  And this picture was taken on the day I evolved!”

Lemmy shrieked in fear, ran away, and locked himself in Updates.  “Now I’m safe,” he sighed.  “Nobody ever comes here!”

“I come here,” said a small voice.

“Who’s that?” Lemmy asked into the dark.  “Who’s there?”

“Just me,” said the voice.  “Vulpix.”

In his mind, Lemmy went rapidly over the list of his tourists.  He did not remember any Vulpix.

“Are you a new tourist?” he asked.

“What’s a tourist?” Vulpix asked in reponse, stepping into the light.

“Not you!” Lemmy shouted, and he ran away.  Vulpix, Jigglypuff, and that incredibly scary thing followed him.

Lemmy hid in Morton’s Chatting Plans since it was the closest place he could find.  Morton was sitting on a chair, appearing very relaxed.  He was surrounded by a pool of water, which was being filled by hidden pumps.  Steam filled the air.

“Hi Lemmy welcome to my private sauna which is a hot room filled with steam and it is very relaxing see how relaxed I am you should join me you look a little stressed and this would be good for you see just lay on a chair and close your eyes and feel the steam which is made by heating the water in this pool and that is done courtesy of my new wonderful amazing greatest best ever friend Charizard,” Morton said.

A large dragon appeared behind him and blew some fire at the water, creating more steam.  Lemmy decided that he didn’t need to relax at the moment and he ran away screaming.

Next Lemmy tried to hide in Roy’s Sports Hall.  He found himself an unwelcome visitor and he was chased out by Roy’s nasty looking pet, which was named Onix.

When he arrived at Iggy’s Casino but refused to gamble, Lemmy was bounced by a number of frightening things, the names of which he could not remember, though he thought one was named Machonlee.

At this point Lemmy was getting kind of annoyed so he went to the Messageboard and declared a battle.  He promptly was electrocuted by the scary yellow thing, watered by a large turtle that said, “Blastoise!”, burnt to a crisp by the thing that had been in Morton’s Chatting Plans, and trampled by a big who-knows-what that called itself Rapidash.

Somehow Lemmy managed to drag himself to Ludwig’s Life, where he begged his brother’s help.  It turned out that Ludwig was not around at the moment, and had left something-that-looked-like-Wendy’s-cat-but-somehow-gave-the-impression-of-being-meaner in charge.

“Who are you?” said the thing.  Not waiting for an answer, it continued, “I’m Mewtwo!  Here are my friends, Meowth and Persian.  And here are my enemies, Arcanine and Growlithe.  And here is my dinner, Rattata.”

“Where’s Ludwig?” Lemmy demanded.

“Who’s Ludwig?” Mewtwo asked.

Lemmy screamed and ran around the room like a headless chicken.  Mewtwo fell down laughing and Lemmy accidentally stepped on her tail.

Mewtwo screamed the loudest scream Lemmy had ever heard and a really mean looking thing with a really long tail appeared in a doorway.

Mewtwo cried and pointed at Lemmy and held her tail and said, “Oh Mommy!  He hurt me!  He’s mean!  Kill him!”

‘Mommy’ glared at Lemmy.  Then she killed him.

Jigglypuff, Vulpix, Blastoise, Charizard, Rapidash, Onix, the large bird, and the mean things from the Casino burst into the room and climbed all over everything.  The scariest thing that ever existed walked into the room, climbed on top of Lemmy, stood up tall and said proudly, “Pika Pikaa!”

Now for a break...

Okay, back to the action...

Infuriated by the appearance of these things in his Land, Lemmy roared and got up.  Using his magic wand, he beat the creatures away and escaped from Ludwig’s Life.  Lemmy hid in the maze of Fun Fiction and sat down to think.

“My Land is overrun by scary things,” he thought.  “My own assistant is on their side, and my siblings seem to like having them around.  I certainly can’t get rid of them all myself, but who can I get to help me?”

Lemmy thought for a long time before an idea came to him.  Going to the entrance of Fun Fiction, he looked carefully in all directions, then rushed into Scribbles.

“TMS!” he shouted.  “TMS!”

“Hey, Lemmy!” TMS appeared, smiling.  “What’s up?”

“You hate Sandslash, right?” Lemmy asked.

“Sure do,” TMS agreed.

“You are bitter archrivals?”

“Yup!”

“And you would fight him to the death?” Lemmy continued.

“If he challenged me,” TMS answered.

“He’s challenged you,” Lemmy said.

“Goodie!” TMS clapped his hands.

Lemmy pushed TMS out into the hallway.  “Seek and destroy!” he ordered.  TMS surfed away in search of Sandslash.  Upon finding him, a deadly battle began and ended, with TMS victorious.

Lemmy cheered and after rounding up TMS, went off in search of the scary things.  They herded the creatures into Photos, Fun Fictions, Scribbles, Mysteries, and Interviews, where they locked them up.  Lemmy and TMS then left them to kill each other.

When Lemmy returned several hours later, he found all the scary things dead except for the scariest thing of all.  Not ready yet for combat, Lemmy went away quietly to prepare.

Lemmy returned with a host of his Super Koopa friends.  TMS was in the front rank with him.  Rainbow Koopa and Koopa T. Quick followed close behind.  Cammi and Black Yoshi stood ready to eat the scary thing.

The group crept up on the scary thing, not wishing to be seen yet.  Suddenly Lemmy cried, “Yoshis attack!”

Cammi was first out of the group but stopped short when she saw the enemy and refused to eat it.  Black Yoshi ate the scary thing, then said, “You’re right, Cammi.  This is disgusting!” and spat it out.

Lemmy recalled the Yoshis and sent out the Koopas, who quickly came back looking like they had just stuck their fingers in a socket.

“This is going to be harder than I thought,” Lemmy mused as he retreated his troops.

Next Lemmy attempted to confuse the scary thing by attacking with the other two Lemmys and his clone.  The thing wasn’t confused and all four Lemmys got electricuted.

Lemmy had to sit and think some more.  “What could get rid of a scary yellow mouse that says ‘Pika Pikaa!’ and likes to electrocute people?”  After a lot of thought Lemmy had a brilliant idea.  “A not scary white cat that says ‘Meow’ and likes to chase mice!”

Lemmy hurried off, found Wendy’s cat, and put it down near where the scary thing was.  The cat looked around, bathed itself, took a nap, then got up and walked over to the really frightening creature.

“Meow,” said the cat.

The thing squeaked in fear and ran away.  The cat took another nap, and Lemmy danced a funny dance.

And thus ends the tale of how Lemmy’s Land was invaded by scary things, and of how Lemmy shrieked like a girlie and ran away, and of how a cat earned glory for bravely chasing the scariest thing of them all and banishing it forever.

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