So you may be wondering what’s happening with Bowser in this story. Though you probably aren’t, because you forgot he was in the story.
Koopatrol: Uh, Bowser?
Bowser: Yeeeees?
Koopatrol: You said Larry would go to the forest and Roy would go to the convenient arena in the sky.
Bowser: And?
Koopatrol: You never let them out of the dungeon.
Bowser: Fine. Morton gets to be in the town, Larry gets to sit in the creepy forest, and Roy gets to go to the scary castle.
Koopatrol: You know me so well.
Meanwhile with Wario…
Waluigi: EEVIL RABBIT.
Wario: OH GRAMBI, WHAT THE UNDERWHERE IS GOING ON?
Waluigi: GRAAAAGH!
Rabbit: Caaaarrot.
Meanwhile with Random Girl…
Random Girl: I’m BORED.
FACS: So?
Random Girl: I’m more important than you.
FACS: I don’t even like you.
Random Girl takes some of FACS’s wires and blows him up.
Random Girl: Too bad.
She walks away.
Meanwhile with Wario..
Wario and Waluigi are heavily wounded and a beady-eyed rabbit is next to them.
Wario: What were you doing exactly?
Rabbit: rawr
Waluigi and Wario run away to the Thousand-Year Store.
Wario: Burrito?
Waluigi: Broccoli?
The rabbit slowly comes up from behind his stand.
Rabbit: Caaarrot.
Waluigi: W-w-where’s the next C-C-C-Crystal Star?
Rabbit: Twilight Zone.
Wario: R-really?
Rabbit: Not zone.
Waluigi: W-what?
Rabbit: Town.
Wario: Twilight Town. Good. Waluigi, let’s SCRAM.
Wario dashes outside of the Thousand-Year Store. Waluigi just stands around expecting Wario to drag him.
Waluigi: W-Wario? Hello?
Rabbit: Caaaarrot.
The rabbit mauls Waluigi, who crawls his way out of the store.
Waluigi: Wario, why?
Wario: I wasn’t going to risk myself with that rabbit to drag you out of there! Let’s go to the Twilight Zone… Town… thing.
They head over to western Rogueport and accidentally fall through the grate. Wario lands first, and Waluigi bounces off of his fat. He falls in a way so that he makes a bridge from the platform they landed on to another platform with a door. Wario walks on Waluigi’s back. Waluigi climbs up.
Waluigi: My spine has been realigned.
Wario: When was it misaligned?
Waluigi: The rabbit.
They go through a door to a room with a scary pipe. Waluigi and Wario sink down through it. However, Wario comes back up.
Wario: WHAT THE? IS THIS A FAT JOKE?
He smashes the pipe and ground pounds his way through it.
Waluigi: What took so long?
Twilighter: Did you get through the pipe on your first try? You have to have your name written on some of your clothes to get through it.
Wario: Waluigi?
Waluigi: I lost track of my underwear once, and…
Wario tears through the town. The Twilight Zoner walks up to him again.
Twilighter: You know, people here are turning into pigs every time a certain bell rings.
Waluigi notices the pig people and hides behind Wario. Suddenly, a pig with a star birthmark over its eye walks by.
Pig: WHEE! WHEEE! SQUEEEEEEAAAAL!
Waluigi: It talks a lot.
Pig: WHEEEE!
Wario: Let’s go.
The bell rings. Visibly, no one turns into a pig.
Wario: Squeal!
Waluigi: Why didn’t your form cha- Oh. Pig.
Wario: WHEEE!
Wario drags Waluigi into the woods. He knocks through all kinds of obstacles. While on a winding forest path, they see a pig with a Mohawk.
Pig: WHEEEE!
Wario: WHEEE!
Waluigi: Wow. Let’s not get territorial, Wario.
Wario begins wrestling the pig. Waluigi moves on without him. After practically walking through every obstacle, he finds an old church.
Waluigi: Strange. Without Wario around, I’m significantly less scared of things.
He sees an aisle to his left held up by pillars. He uses his tallitude to climb up there and go through a conveniently placed door. He walks through and heads up a spiral staircase.
Waluigi: I just have to fight a pathetic monster to get the Star, and the monster will probably kill itself in an elaborate way.
He gets up the staircase and reaches the bell of Creepy Steeple. He sees…
Rabbit: Caaaarrot.
The rabbit lunes Waluigi. However, he’s thin enough to merely swerve and dodge the hit. The thin man in purple takes out a tennis racquet and smacks the rabbit repeatedly. Spontaneously, it stares into his eyes.
Waluigi: So… cute…
The rabbit stares into Waluigi’s soul and steals it. It takes the form of Waluigi, whereas Waluigi turns into a shadow of his former self. Literally. Was that pun already made? I can’t remember.
Waluigi: Hey! Rabbit, why?
The rabbit swims through the air into Waluigi’s face, knocking him out for the moment. He then swims over to Wario and the pig right outside. Of course, the curse was lifted by the cunning rabbit, and it is now Wario and Larry.
Wario: So, how much money did you get?
Larry: The guy’s an idiot. He keeps alphabet soup in his pockets.
Wario: A pickpocket’s nightmare.
The rabbit, still in Waluigi’s form, swims into Larry, knocking him out.
Wario: That was cool.
Rabbit: Caaaarrot.
Wario: What?
Rabbit: …
Meanwhile, back at the top of Creepy Steeple…
Waluigi: Err, what’s going o- EEP! I’m a shadow. A standing shadow. Well, I may as well go find the rabbit that stole my body.
He creeps down the staircase. When he exits, he’s immediately tackled by Roy.
Roy: PIG TURNER INTO-ER.
Waluigi: What?
Roy: You’re the one who turned me into a pig, shadow thing. I’m gonna beat you SO HARD!
Waluigi gets smashed into the ground. He ends up in a room with a carrot.
Waluigi: Isn’t that supposed to be a parrot?
Rabbit (half a mile away): CAAAAAAAAAAAAAARROT.
Waluigi decides to take the carrot with him. He grabs a key and walks through a door that used to be locked, even though that doesn’t matter in this story. He sees a chest and opens it. Boos fly out. Two-hundred fifty of them, to be exact.
Boo: HOW MANY BOOS CAME OUT OF THERE?
Waluigi: Two-hundred fifty, duh.
Boo: You counted?! Nerd!
The Boo slaps Waluigi and floats away. He takes a path back to the main room of the Steeple.
Random Boo: …*sniffle*
Waluigi: Aww, the Boo’s lonely. Since the rabbit doesn’t have a name, it won’t be able to leave town anyways, so I’m in no rush. Wait, Wario broke the pipe.
Random Boo: Err, uh, dude? ACK! … *SNIFFLE*
Waluigi: Fine, I’ll play with it.
Random Boo: Are you going to be mean to me?
Waluigi: N-
Random Boo: Uh, what’s wrong?
Waluigi: Oh, right. I have a friend who always interrupts me and says exactly what I don’t want to say.
Wario (from half a mile away): YESSSSSSS!
Random Boo: JERK!
Meanwhile with Wario and the rabbit…
Wario: HAH! I GOT INTO A SUDDEN DEATH WITH YOU IN BRAWL!
A Bob-omb spawns on top of Wario, who starts crying.
Rabbit: Caaaarrot.
And back with Waluigi and the Boo…
Random Boo: I can’t believe you’re going to be mean to me!
Waluigi: No, no, you don’t understand!
Random Boo: BOOS, UNITE.
All 250 Boos unite into Atomic Boo. Roy, who was standing at the doorway, runs away screaming.
Atomic Boo: DIE, MEANIE!
Waluigi whips out his tennis racquet and…
Atomic Boo: Oh, you play tennis, too? Let’s play!
Atomic Boo eats Waluigi and flies him to a tennis court floating on top of the Steeple.
Waluigi: Uh, I’m the worst character in Mario Power Tennis, and you’re widely considered one of the best, so…
Atomic Boo hits a tennis ball right in front of Waluigi. It suddenly swerves around him.
Waluigi: Like that.
It goes on like this for an hour.
Meanwhile with Wario and the rabbit…
Wario: Waluigi, we are NOT leaving until I beat you in Brawl!
The rabbit gets a Final Smash and kills Wario.
Meanwhile with Waluigi…
Atomic Boo: Promise not to be mean to me?
Wario (half a mile away) NOOOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Atomic Boo: Jerk.
Waluigi: I’M SORRY!
Atomic Boo: Oh. Well, then.
Atomic Boo explodes into a bunch of Boos. They all flee. Waluigi decides to swim through the air down to town. Of course, the bunny is magical, so he’s better at it. Waluigi suddenly falls into the woods.
Waluigi: Oh, my aching…
Roy: THERE HE IS!
Larry: He’s the one who turned me into a pig! GET HIM.
Waluigi: Uhh, I hear Wario and Waluigi are in town.
Larry: LET’S GET ‘EM!
They both run off. Waluigi sighs and walks into town. He sees Morton talking to his brothers.
Morton: And then I turned into a pig, I was afraid I’d be made into bacon. Mm, bacon. I like bacon. Bacon is good. Did you know that bacon has a bunch of fat, but it has so much protein you should eat it anyways?
Roy: Go figure. He had the longest single line so far in the story.
Morton: Actually, on Microsoft Word using Times New Roman font at size ten, that took up TWO lines!
Larry: Bad pun. Morton, shut up, or Roy will beat you up.
Morton: Oh, fi-
Wario (ten feet away) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Roy and Larry absolutely maul Morton. They go into the house that Wario and the rabbit are playing in.
Wario: Oh, hey Larry.
Larry: I just remembered I was supposed to kill you.
Rabbit: Caarrot.
The rabbit absolutely mauls Roy and Larry, then throws their bodies out the window.
Rabbit: Carrot.
The real Waluigi walks in and throws the Parrot-I-Mean-Carrot at the rabbit.
Rabbit: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARROT.
It turns into a rabbit again.
Wario: So that’s how you kept beating me? IT’S THE RABBIT! RUN, WALUIGI!
Waluigi: He has the Crystal Star.
The rabbit eats the carrot, then spontaneously dons a monocle and top hat.
Rabbit: I do say, thank you for giving me the deliciousness of carrots once again. I lost the one in my Steeple and went absolutely insane. Here, take the Crystal Star, my good friends.
The rabbit drops the Crystal Star and hops off without another word.
Wario: That was…
Waluigi: Weird.
Wario: Good thing we never have to see that rabbit again, huh?
Waluigi: Yeah. VERY good thing.
To Be Continued...
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