Chapter 3-1: Weapons of Mass Destruction
Luigi: All right, Dimentio! We’ll fly straight to that ratty ol’ hole you live in and ram this Gadd Cruiser straight up your nose!
Elvin: If you let ONE drop of nose **** on my ship you’ll be licking it off!
Luigi: *gulp*
Petey: Can’t you die from that? Or was that hypothermia? I easily get the two mixed up.
Merlon: Achoo! So do I really have a cold or not?!
Petey: Oh, you’ll be fine! Unless you have uncontrollable shaking. Or drowsiness. Or confusion. Or pale and/or cold skin. Or-
Merlon: OKAY!
Luigi: You know… Those Guardians are still around. How many of them where there?
Wario: Five.
Luigi: How many are there now?
Wario: Two. Well, actually Culex just ran away when we fought him, so three.
Luigi: Woah! You know, maybe we should take care of them first. Before we kill Dimentio. I mean, come on, it won’t take a week to kill him, so we can spare the time!
Elvin: But-
Luigi: No buts! And since you questioned me, you must be in the party that does it! So anyway, which one should we kill first?
Bombette: Culex is probably still weak from when we roughed it up before in Keelhaul Key, so let’s get him!
Luigi: Hooray! Nothing like beating up someone who’s weak to make yourself feel stronger!
Luigi takes control of the ship.
Elvin: Hey!
Luigi: I’m the main character! I can do what I want!
Elvin: … ********* ***** ***** *** *********!!!!
Everyone: 0_0
P.T.’s sunglasses break. But for some reason there were more underneath. After everyone gets over it, Luigi keeps steering the ship until he finds a purple demon with four crystals surrounding him. He, Elvin, and P.T. are out on top on deck.
Elvin: HEY! CULEX! REMEMBER ME?!
Culex: … (ELVIN GADD?! AND FRIENDS! YOU SHALL DIE!)
RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 900/900
Elvin: 850/850
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 1600/2000
Luigi: Hooray!
He’s still weak from before!
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! 100 damage!
Elvin pours hot
tea on Culex! 10 damage! Culex caught on fire!
P.T.: What kind
of tea is that?!
Elvin: Shut up!
P.T. uses Party
Leader Magnum! P.T. punches Luigi into Culex! 90 damage each!
Luigi: Darn you!
Culex unleashes
the Fire Crystal on Elvin! Elvin dies of fire!
The Fire Crystal
Shatters!
Fire burns Culex
for 10 damage!
Luigi: 810/900
Elvin: 0/850
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 1400/2000
(Burnt)
Luigi uses a 1-Up
Mushroom on Elvin! Elvin’s alive with half HP!
Elvin attacks
with a spear! 60 damage!
P.T. charges
his Final Smash!
Culex unleashes
the Wind Crystal on Luigi! Luigi’s blown out of the fight!
The Wind Crystal
Shatters!
Fire burns Culex
for 10 damage!
Luigi: -
Elvin: 425/850
P.T.: 850/850
(Charging)
Vs.
Culex: 1330/2000
(Burnt)
Elvin uses a Daisy
Doll! Elvin pulls the string!
Doll: Luigi,
I love you!
Luigi’s voice:
I’M COMING, DAISY!
Luigi’s returns
to battle!
P.T. unleashes
his Final Smash! P.T. uses Game Over! P.T. pulls out a giant scythe and
clumsily walks around! He throws it! He misses! 0 damage!
P.T.: D’oh!
Culex unleashes
the Earth Crystal on P.T.! P.T.’s crushed to death under a Thwomp!
Fire burns Culex
for 10 damage! The fire goes out!
Luigi: 810/900
Elvin: 425/850
P.T.: 0/850 (Stoned
lol)
Vs.
Culex: 1330/2000
Luigi uses Hammer
on the rock! P.T. is free! But still KO’d!
Elvin uses a
1-Up Mushroom on P.T.! P.T.’s alive with half HP!
P.T. uses a Summon!
P.T. summons Zess T.!
Zess T.: Don’t
you dare step on my contacts!
Zess T. hurls
food at the party! Everyone’s at full health!
Culex unleashes
the Water Crystal on Luigi! Luigi drowns under a waterfall!
Elvin: Yer gettin’
a Final Smash for that!
Luigi: 0/900
Elvin: 850/850
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 1330/2000
Elvin charges
his Final Smash!
P.T. uses Hot
Potato! P.T. throws a fiery potato at Culex! 50 damage!
Culex is out
of crystals!
Luigi: 0/900
Elvin: 850/850
(Charging)
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 1280/2000
Elvin unleashes
his Final Smash! Elvin uses Cruise Crash! A replica of the Gadd Cruiser
appears and runs over Culex! 200 damage! It turns around and then spits
missiles at Culex! 100 damage!
Culex flees from
battle!
Culex: (I’LL
BE BACK!)
Luigi: 0/900
Elvin: 850/850
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 980/2000
Elvin and P.T. win!
Luigi gets nothing! Elvin gains 980 exp.! P.T. gains 870 exp.!
BATTLE OVER!
Luigi: Ugh… What happened?
Elvin: You died and we beat Culex until he ran off with some HP left.
Luigi: Well we still gotta get him!
The three go down below deck and into the infirmary, where Luigi and the others heals up before the ship starts chasing Culex. It soon finds him in a hilly area near Bianco Canyon.
Luigi’s voice: There he is! Full speed ahead!
Culex: (TRY TO BEAT ME IF YOU DARE! I HAD TIME TO ADJUST WITHOUT MY CRYSTALS!)
The ship heads for Culex again.
RPG Battle!
Luigi: 900/900
Elvin: 850/850
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 980/2000
Luigi charges
his Final Smash!
Elvin charges
his Final Smash!
P.T. runs over
in front of Luigi and holds up a large shield!
Culex uses Dark
Laser on Luigi! P.T.’s shield blocks it!
P.T.: Yay.
P.T. goes back
to his spot.
Luigi: 900/900
(Charging)
Elvin: 850/850
(Charging)
P.T.: 850/850
Vs.
Culex: 980/2000
Luigi unleashes
his Final Smash! Luigi uses Omnihammer! Luigi hits Culex 8 times! 20 damage
each!
Elvin unleashes
his Final Smash! Elvin uses Cruiser Crash! A replica of the Gadd Cruiser
rams into Culex! 200 damage! It turns around and spits missiles at Culex!
100 damage!
P.T. charges
his Final Smash!
Culex uses Doom
Beam on Elvin! 100 damage!
Luigi: 900/900
Elvin: 750/850
P.T.: 850/850
(Charging)
Vs.
Culex: 520/2000
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! 100 damage!
Elvin attacks
with a spear! 60 damage!
P.T. unleashes
his Final Smash! P.T. uses Game Over! P.T. pulls out a giant scythe and
clumsily walks around with it. He throws it. The handle hits Culex! 40
damage!
P.T.: Dang it!
Culex uses Dark
Laser on P.T.! 200 damage!
Luigi: 900/900
Elvin: 750/850
P.T.: 650/850
Vs.
Culex: 360/2000
Luigi uses Jump!
80 damage!
Elvin throws
cold tea on Culex! Culex is frozen!
P.T. uses the
Golden Hammer! 90 damage!
Culex is frozen!
Luigi: 900/900
Elvin: 750/850
P.T.: 650/850
Vs.
Culex: 190/2000
(Frozen)
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! 100 damage! Culex is thawed by fire!
Elvin attacks
with a spear! 60 damage!
P.T. throws a
Boomerang! 50 damage!
Culex is defeated!
Luigi, Elvin, and P.T. win!
Luigi gains a level! Elvin gains 890 exp.! P.T. gains 767 exp.!
BATTLE OVER!
Culex: (CURSE YOU… ALL!)
Culex slowly descends to the ground and explodes. The area is now flat.
Guardian Kills – 3/5
P.T. looks over the edge.
P.T.: Weren’t there hills below us?
Elvin: Neh, probably not.
Luigi: Next stop, underwater with the pink submarine Guardian!
Elvin: Why that one?
Luigi: Because that’s the only other one we’ve even seen!
Luigi and his party head back to the shores near Boggly Base Camp. Luckily their submarine wasn’t towed away like the Metal Goonie. They get in and look around underwater.
Luigi: Guardian! Where are you? Come out come out wherever you are!
Merlon: I – achoo – know I’m going to regret this…
Merlon looks into the periscope and turns it around. The pink submarine is right behind them!
Merlon: AAAAH! BEHIND US!
Luigi turns the sub around. The two are face to face.
Luigi: Oh. You’re going down!
The submarine transforms into a giant pink robot.
Luigi: If that’s the way you want it…
Luigi, Elvin, and P.T. are underwater now.
P.T.: How are we breathing? And not being crushed by pressure?
Luigi: Who cares? But we can only stand it for 20 minutes.
P.T.: Oh.
Magnus Von Grapple swims toward the party by stroking with one arm and charging up a punch in the other one.
Luigi: … I got it! Thunderhand!
Elvin: NO!
P.T.: I don’t get it.
Luigi uses Thunderhand, and since he’s in the water he’s shocking his whole party and all the fish, doing minor damage to his own submarine and no damage to Magnus.
Luigi: Dang… it…
Luigi faints and Magnus punches him, sending him all the way up.
Elvin: … I’ve got it! I’ll use my Summon!
Elvin pulls out a Boss Rush badge and equips it! Larry Koopa’s airship appears and shoots poison needles out of a cannon! Morton Koopa’s airship appears and shoots underwater fire! Wendy Koopa’s airship appears and shoots high-pressure water! Iggy Koopa’s airship appears and shoots Banzai Bills! Roy Koopa’s airship appears and launches boulders out of its cannons! Lemmy Koopa’s airship appears and shoots a freeze ray! Ludwig Koopa’s airship appears and a Piranha Plant comes out and bites Magnus!
P.T.: Who said they could appear?!
Elvin: And that’s only the start!
An airship reminiscent of Bowser Jr.’s appears and shoots a big laser at Magnus! He explodes!
Guardian Kills – 4/5
Elvin: Ha! Take THAT!
P.T.: Wow, that was a long summon.
Elvin and P.T. go back into the sub and emerge from the water. Luigi is floating on the surface and now awake.
Luigi: Did we get him?
Elvin: “We”?
P.T.: Yes. Also, man, you stink at fighting Guardians!
Soon, the gang is on the Gadd Cruiser.
Luigi: Okay guys, one more Guardian! Where do we go?
Everyone: No clue.
Luigi: Great… Hey, who’s that guy?
The ship docks on an island in the sea of quicksand outside the Golden Wonderworld. There’s a sleeping Duplighost in a party hat in the sand. Luigi, Elvin, and P.T. get out.
Luigi: Hey, who are you?
Doopliss: (Ugh…) Huh? Woah! I sense a disturbance! Any of you slicks know where the other Guardians are?
Elvin: Well one of them got its skull blown off by a cannon. Another was turned into Garlic and then used as an attack. And the other two blew up.
Doopliss: That just leaves me! Hahaha!
Doopliss’ eyes flash and Elvin and P.T. are swallowed by sand.
Luigi: Hey!
Doopliss: Relax, Slick! If you beat me, they can come back. I’m just leveling the playing field!
Doopliss transforms into a giant red scorpion-human monster.
Luigi: Dang it! Hmm…
Luigi jumps onto the monster’s knee, then onto his wrist, then his shoulder. He hammers his head.
Doopliss: (HUH?)
Doopliss looks over but Luigi jumps over to the other side and hammers him. The same situation happens and this all repeats until Doopliss gets tired and falls over backwards. Since he’s giant, his head lands in the quicksand, which sucks him up. Luigi’s friends are released.
Guardian Kills – 5/5
Luigi: We did it, guys, we’ve killed all the Guardians now!
P.T.: Ugh…
Elvin: Whatever, let’s just get the **** to Dimentio already!
Merlon runs out of the Gadd Cruiser.
Merlon: Guys, I just – achoo – had a vision! We have to go to Hazy Maze Cave!
Luigi: Do you know where it is?
Merlon: Yea-choo! Follow… *sniff* me…
Soon enough, Merlon, Luigi, and Elvin are in a cave.
Elvin: Where’s the Hazy Maze?
Merlon: Achoo! Cave-in happened some years back… Merlumina?!
Merlon looks ahead. There’s a blue Shaman lady at the other end of the room.
Merlumina: No Merlon, get back. I’m too ashamed!
Luigi: You mean the fact that you married a guy and had a kid but he left you after a while and took your kid away immediately after birth and you never even got to hold it or talk to it and the Essence of Shadow Queen inside you keeps you mortal?
Merlumina: Huh? No, I was playing Super Mario Bros. on my GBA and got killed by the first Goomba.
Luigi: Wow, that’s much worse.
Merlon: But… you summoned me here with your vision. *sniff*
Merlumina: Oh, just because I found this. I’ll throw them to you so you can stay away from me.
Merlumina throws him a golden shotgun, a Smash Ball, and a Refreshing Herb.
Merlon: Cool!
Merlon devours the herb. He feels great!
Merlon: Woah, these are my best weapon AND my last Final Smash!
Merlumina: Just tell me this, what happened to my son?
Merlon: Oh, Dimentio? He… died.
Luigi: And I killed him! But then he came back and is now dooming the world.
Merlon: You can’t tell her that, she’s already ashamed of her own existence! Isn’t that right, dear?
Merlumina: … He takes after his father, all right.
Merlon: Oh. Well we’ll tell him you said hi.
Merlumina: Thank you.
Merlon leads the other two out of the cave. Petey’s waiting for them.
Petey: Bestovius is in trouble.
Luigi: Oh great…
In Bianco Canyon, Luigi, Elvin, and Petey rush into Bestovius and Petey’s house and Petey runs up to Bestovius.
Petey: I got here as fast as I could! We stopped at Wendy’s on the way, though. What happened?!
Bestovius: Yo… Petey… I’m glad you could make it to my last minutes…
Petey: Yeah, that’s great. Again, what happened?
Bestovius: I’M OLD *cough*!
Petey: You’re only in your 40’s!
Bestovius: Oh, shame… I lied about my age! I’m actually in my 140’s!
Petey: Oh… Well that’d explain it then.
Bestovius: I’m sorry to have fooled you… Before I go, I want to give you this…
Bestovius hands Petey a Smash Ball. His last Final Smash!
Petey: Nice!
Bestovius: Also… I’ll finally tell you where your lifesavings are stashed… They’re… under… the…
Petey: Under the?
Bestovius: …
Petey: … Bestovius? Bestovius?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
The party are around the fire that night. Some of them look annoyed.
Petey’s voice: -OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Wario: How long’s he gonna keep that up?!
Daisy: So far it’s been four hours. He can’t keep it up much longer.
Kamek walks up to the group.
P.T.: Boss?
Kamek: Hello, pawn. I have come to tell you people something important. I’ll need assistance in evacuating Koopa City, as I figured out that’s where the Millennium Star will crash, if the worst happens. I was thinking Bombette and Merlon could help since they’re optional party members.
Merlon: But I just got my best stuff!
Kamek: You can use it to help out, then. What do you guys say?
Merlon: … I guess we’ll be needed for more than just killing people…
Bombette: But-
Kamek: Luigi, can I borrow your party members?
Luigi: You got it.
Bombette: Why?!
Luigi: Well you and Merlon’s characters did that in the game this is based off of, so we’re doing it here!
Bombette: Aww… Well devote one attack to me.
Merlon: Me too.
Luigi: Yeah whatever, just go. See you when we’re done.
Kamek: Thank you. By the way, what’s that horrid shrieking?
Daisy: Petey.
Kamek: I see… That explains where he is.
Bombette/Merlon: Bye!
Kamek, Merlon, and Bombette leave. Petey comes back.
Petey: Okay, I’m in the fifth stage of grief now, acceptance. Say, where are Bombette and Merlon?
P.T.: Kamek took them away for the rest of the adventure to evacuate Koopa City.
Petey: NOOO-
Elvin: **** NO! YOU’RE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!
Luigi: Whatever,
guys, let’s just go and kill Dimentio already… tomorrow.
Chapter 3-2: Into the Abyss
DAWN OF THE SECOND
DAY
(144 Hours Remain)
The Gadd Cruiser is parked on the rim of the North Pole Hole. Everyone else has gone into the crater but Luigi.
Luigi: Okay, time to jump into that crater, stomp on Dimentio’s face, and save the world! … ZOMG I’M IN THE FINAL LEVEL! Already?! This story went by so quickly! I’m not ready yet!
A pilot walks out to Luigi.
Pilot: Do you need help?
Luigi: Yes… NO! YES!
Pilot: I’ll decide for you.
The pilot Sparta Kicks Luigi into the crater. He gets up from his fall.
Luigi: Ow… You know, I’m tempted to ruin the world just so you can die!
Pilot’s voice: Whatever!
Luigi: Awww… Stupid Jefferson… I guess there’s no way out, now…
Luigi heads down the path and further into the crater.
Luigi: Wow. I can’t believe this crater has been here for 2,000 years and we’re the first ones exploring.
Luigi looks over on the wall.
Luigi: “Mike wuz heer”? Oh yeah?
Luigi takes out a marker, crosses out “wuz heer”, and draws an arrow to his newly written words.
Luigi: “Mike is lame”! Ha! Take that, Mike!
Meanwhile…
Goomba: Dude, are you okay?
Another Goomba: No, man… I just get the feeling someone called me out!
Meanwhile…
Luigi: That was fun.
Luigi continues down into a cave and finds all his friends. Or rather, people he’s forced to work with.
Luigi: Okay, guys, it looks like the path splits up.
Wario: Thank you. We were wondering what was going on with the path.
Luigi: Shut up. It looks like we’ll need to split up. Wario, Daisy, and I, the original three, will go that way. The rest of you go to the right.
Petey: Whatever.
Petey flies over to the right.
Petey: See you on the other side!
P.T. follows.
P.T.: Bye.
Elvin follows.
Elvin: I’ll spear ‘im good before any o’ you even GET to the bottom!
They’re alone now.
Luigi: I think Elvin will enjoy fighting Dimentio somewhat too much.
Daisy: Whatever… Let’s just be careful.
Luigi/Wario: Okay, Mom.
Daisy: Shut up! I’m just nervous, is all! It’s the final place!
Wario: You know what I do when I get nervous about the final level?
Daisy: What?
Wario: Nothing! Because I don’t get nervous! Wahaha!
Daisy: …
Luigi: Okay people, let’s go.
Blah, blah, blah. Nothing interesting happens until they reach the bottom. Everyone is on a spiraling path that leads into a pool of Garlic in the River Twygx itself.
Luigi: Hey guys, find any treasures in that half of the cave?
Elvin: Yeah, and if you want them you could’ve gone and picked them up your ***** self!
Luigi: Awww… Well anyway we’re off to take down Dimentio now and save the world! Let’s… roll? No, not cool enough to say that. Let’s… rock? No. Party? No. Do this thang?
Everyone Else: NO!
Luigi: Let’s…
Petey: And so the Millennium Star crashed into Plit as Luigi stood there, finding a good motivator.
Luigi: Okay fine, let’s just go and kill him already!
Wario: That worked.
Luigi: Kewl!
Everyone heads into the pool. They find themselves in a Garlic whirlwind that leads down to a battle platform. A purple puddle appears! Out rises some horrid mixture of the Shadow Queen and Bogmire, covered in Weegee eyes! It has lots of tentacles too!
BOSS: SHADOW QUEEN TRANSMUTED
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
Petey: I thought that boss was pretty unappealing BEFORE fusing itself together!
Luigi takes Elvin’s Boss Rush Badge and uses the power of the 8 airships’ cannons on the Shadow Queen until she starts dissolving and letting out a horrid shriek.
P.T.: That was easy!
Wario: Yeah… One down…
Luigi: And one to go.
Suddenly the platform starts breaking up.
Luigi: Uh oh.
The platform breaks. Luigi faints.
Daisy: Luigi, this isn’t a time to faint!
Luigi can’t hear her, however. Though he does wake up… later on, and all alone in darkness.
Luigi: Ow… Daisy? Wario? Petey? Other two guys I don’t really like?
There’s a light.
Luigi: Oh my… That light… Could it be Savior?
Voice: Huh? Oh, sorry.
A car turns its headlights down. It’s a Goomba in a car.
Goomba: It’s me, Mike. And now that we can see each other, you’re going down!
Luigi: AAAAH!
Luigi wakes up. He’s alone in the dark with a light.
Luigi: Is THAT Savior?
The room lights up. He and everyone else are in some area on rocks.
P.T.: What are you guys doing in my house?
Petey: I think the question is “what are you guys doing in my recurring dream about rocks”?
Elvin: Guys, we’re in the ****** crater and that’s the ***** Savior spell- Woah!
Elvin’s floating in the air by his neck. Dimentio appears.
P.T.: Run, it’s Darth Vader!
P.T.’s lifted up.
Petey: Ha h-
Petey’s lifted up too. Everyone else is now lifted as well.
Wario: Wah! … We’re fighting… a guy that can do THIS?!
Petey: Guys, I’m pretty sure he’s trying to rip off my leaf arms with his mind! If not, I think he has a real poor grasp on mental backrubs.
Luigi: That’s it, Petey. That’s exactly the case. He wants to give you a mental backrub.
P.T.: He’s too good for us!
Luigi: Guys, he’s just trying to psyche us out! It can’t work!
Mike the Goomba appears.
Luigi: AAAAH!
But it was just an illusion.
Luigi: Oh… Darn you, Dimentio!
He smiles.
Luigi: That’s IT! I’m going to kill you now! I’ve been waiting to do this since… What are we doing again? Oh yeah, sorry… Got distracted.
Daisy: … I’m helping!
Wario: Me too!
Petey: We’re all going to say “me too”, so can we just fight now?
Luigi: Sounds good.
Dimentio starts glowing.
Elvin: Uh oh.
P.T.: Shiny…
Luigi: Guys, focus!
The “screen” flashes. When it’s done, Luigi, Wario, and Daisy are on one side of a chasm with everyone else on the other. Super Dimentio is in the middle with Savior behind him.
RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 1000/1000
Daisy: 900/900
Wario: 950/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
2000/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Super Dimentio
leans his head towards Group A!
Luigi starts
charging his Final Smash!
Daisy starts
charging her Final Smash!
Wario starts
charging his Final Smash!
Super Dimentio
shoots an eye beam at Luigi! 70 damage!
Luigi: 930/1000
(Charging)
Daisy: 900/900
(Charging)
Wario: 950/950
(Charging)
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
2000/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Luigi unleashes
his Final Smash! Luigi uses Omnihammer! Luigi hits Super Dimentio 8 times!
20 damage each!
Daisy unleashes
her Final Smash! Daisy uses Flower Guard! The party is immune to damage
for 3 turns!
Wario unleashes
his Final Smash! Wario uses W Bomb! Wario hurls a big bomb at Super Dimentio!
150 damage!
Super Dimentio
headbutts Wario! Wario can’t take damage!
Luigi: 930/1000
(Immune)
Daisy: 900/900
(Immune)
Wario: 950/950
(Immune)
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
1680/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Luigi uses Thunderhand!
60 damage!
Daisy uses PAUNCH!
70 damage! Super Dimentio can’t catch on fire!
Wario uses Bad
Breath! Super Dimentio can’t be poisoned!
Super Dimentio
shoots an eye beam at Daisy! Daisy can’t take damage!
Luigi: 930/1000
(Immune)
Daisy: 900/900
(Immune)
Wario: 950/950
(Immune)
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
1550/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! 100 damage!
Daisy uses Headbutt!
60 damage!
Wario uses Wario
Kick! 40 damage!
Super Dimentio
exhales a laser on the party! They can’t take damage!
Daisy’s Flower
Guard wears off!
Luigi: 930/1000
Daisy: 900/900
Wario: 950/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
1350/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Luigi uses Fire
Jump Punch! 100 damage!
Daisy uses a
summon! Daisy summons the Sandbird! Sandbird crashes straight into Super
Dimentio! 120 damage!
Wario uses Shoulder
Tackle! 70 damage!
Super Dimentio
exhales a laser on the party! 130 damage each!
Luigi: 800/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
1060/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Luigi used Jump!
80 damage!
Super Dimentio
uses a headbutt on Luigi! 100 damage!
Super Dimentio
leans his head toward Group B!
Luigi: 700/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
980/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 950/950
Petey: 960/960
P.T.: 950/950
Elvin charges
his Final Smash!
Petey charges
his Final Smash!
P.T. charges
his Final Smash!
Super Dimentio
exhales a laser on the party! 130 damage each!
Luigi: 700/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
980/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 820/950
(Charging)
Petey: 830/960
(Charging)
P.T.: 820/950
(Charging)
Elvin unleashes
his Final Smash! Elvin uses Cruiser Crash! A replica of the Gadd Cruiser
rams into Super Dimentio! 200 damage! It turns around and spits missiles.
100 damage!
Petey unleashes
his Final Smash! Petey uses ZA WARUDO! Super Dimentio is stopped in time!
P.T. unleashes
his Final Smash! P.T. uses Game Over! P.T. pulls out a giant scythe and
clumsily walks around with it. He throws it. The top of the handle hits
Super Dimentio! 60 damage!
Super Dimentio
is frozen in time!
Luigi: 700/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
620/2000 (Frozen in time)
Vs.
Elvin: 820/950
Petey: 830/960
P.T.: 820/950
Elvin attacks
with a spear! 90 damage!
Petey spits up
a sludge ball! 100 damage!
P.T. attacks
with the Golden Hammer! 90 damage!
Super Dimentio
is frozen in time!
Super Dimentio
can move again!
Luigi: 700/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
340/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 820/950
Petey: 830/960
P.T.: 820/950
Elvin attacks
with a spear! 90 damage!
Super Dimentio
uses Final Preparation!
The party takes
200 damage each!
Super Dimentio
is defeated!
Luigi: 700/1000
Daisy: 770/900
Wario: 820/950
Vs.
Super Dimentio:
0/2000
Vs.
Elvin: 620/950
Petey: 630/960
P.T.: 620/950
Super Dimentio’s
neck and body explode! He opens his mouth!
Super Dimentio
spins around and sucks up the entire party!
BATTLE OVER!
…
Luigi wakes up inside the Void.
Luigi: Ow… Hey guys!
Daisy: Luigi, you’re okay!
Daisy walks over to Luigi. Everyone else walks up to the pair.
Petey: Uh, so are we! Thanks for caring!
Elvin: Seriously! And you say you don’t like him like that!
Daisy: Uh, well… Look, we were childhood friends okay?! You tend to care about someone like that.
Wario: Whatever!
P.T.: Hey, who’s that?
Dimentio’s final form floats onto the scene. He has a large version of Dimentio’s head, Super Dimentio’s body, no arms and legs, large versions of Dimentio’s normal hands, Shadow Queen’s tentacles, and one Nimbi wing.
Luigi: Aw shoot.
Wario: I hear that overused song playing. We’re done for now.
Elvin: ****…
Luigi: If you want us, Dimentio, come and get us!
Petey: Us?! Don’t lump us in!
Lightning strikes Luigi.
Luigi: Ow. Guys, I bet we can beat him with our Final Smashes combined! Come on!
Daisy: It’s worth a shot.
Everyone pulls out Smash Balls and readies their Final Smashes.
Elvin: CRUISER CRASH!
Elvin uses his Final Smash!
P.T.: Game Over!
P.T. throws the giant scythe and the top of the handle hits One Winged Dimentio on the head.
Petey: ZA WARUDO*!
Petey freezes One Winged Dimentio in time and uses a previous Final Smash (Wham Bam Slap) on him.
Wario: W Bomb!
Wario hurls the giant bomb.
Daisy uses a previous Final Smash (Vinthom).
Luigi: Omnihammer!
Luigi brings it home with Omnihammer. Dimentio’s tentacles retract and his arms fade, AND he falls over.
Luigi: Ha! We did it!
He slowly gets back up.
Everyone: What?!
He’s charging his final smash! He unleashes it! One Winged Dimentio uses “ZOMGHACKZORZVOIDATTACK!!!!1!!!ONE!”!
Petey: He gets a Final Smash?!
The Void appears and starts sucking up Sammer’s Kingdom. Then the Land of Cragnons, then Outer Space, and then the Bitlands.
Daisy: I can’t take the suspense!
P.T.: He sure is taking a while to attack us.
The Void then spits out previous worlds at Gloam Valley and Lineland, destroying them completely. The Void then approaches the party.
Elvin: OH ****!
Petey: OH DAD, IT’S RIGHT BEHIND US!
Luigi: Huh? Waaah!
They try to run but it sucks them up.
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!
It spits them out.
Wario: Never… again…
999 damage each!
Luigi: Waah! I’m the only one left! And with 1 HP!
Wario: So… cliché…
One Winged Dimentio smirks and approaches Luigi.
Luigi: You’ve burnt my village, killed Vivian, doomed the world, and fatally wounded my friends! And worst of all, I just plain don’t like you! “Hey, look at me! I’m Dimentio! I like to rip-off guys with long hair and longer swords right down to the point of stealing their music!”
One Winged Dimentio is getting mad.
Luigi: “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ciao!”
Really mad.
Luigi: “Oh this day is like an event being had by someone! I like to employ mediocre similes in my conversation for no reason!”
Getting madder.
Luigi: “I’m a mama’s boy and I’ll do whatever it takes to appease her! I’m gonna be one with Plit!”
One Winged Dimentio: !!!
Now he’s done it! One Winged Dimentio focuses all his anger and power into one beam and shoots it at Luigi.
Luigi: Any second now…
It’s getting closer…
Luigi: Aaaand NOW!
Luigi pulls out a mirror and it’s taking the blast! But of course being so close, Luigi’s still getting hurt.
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! IT BURNS!
Luigi thrusts the mirror forward, causing the Demented Beam to hit Dimentio straight on!
Luigi: Now!
Luigi runs up and does a Super Jump. He’s high up in the air, pulls out his hammer, and comes down and nearly shatters Dimentio’s skull! Dimentio’s wing snaps clean off and fades away. Dimentio’s body then proceeds to get sucked up within the void the fight was taking place in.
Luigi: I finally… beat you… Dimentio.
Luigi faints.
Voice: Luigi?
Luigi wakes up.
Luigi: Mike again?
Daisy: Who?
Luigi: Oh. Did I win?
Daisy: Yeah! We’re back here in the cave. The stairs down to the center are gone but we beat Dimentio!
Wario/Petey/P.T./Elvin: Yay.
Luigi: Well now all we can do is go home, play Guitar Hero, and hope for the best.
Wario: I like Rock Band better.
Luigi: You’re uninvited!
Wario: Awww…
Elvin, Wario, Petey, and P.T. walk out of the room. Daisy starts to, but notices something.
Daisy: Luigi?
Luigi: AAAAH! HE’S STILL ALIVE! MOCKING ME! MESSING WITH HIS iPOD! MOCKING ME AGAIN!
Luigi faints and his ghost flies out of him and into the pool.
Luigi’s ghost: Oh boy… This better be good, I already killed him twice now!
Luigi’s ghost flies through a lot of time and space and finds Dimentio waiting for him in Dimension D. He is smirking.
Luigi: All right, it’s go time!
RPG BATTLE!
Luigi: 1000/1000
Vs.
Dimentio: 4000/4000
Luigi: Oh great,
how can I kill you now?!
Luigi’s Final
Smash is charged up!
Luigi: Ah. Wait…
This feels like a new one!
Luigi unleashes
his Final Smash! Luigi uses Omegasmash! Luigi smashes Dimentio 10 times!
1000 damage each!
Luigi: Sweet!
An overkill attack! I wish I had this earlier!
Dimentio is defeated!
Luigi: 1000/1000
Vs.
Dimentio: 0/3000
Luigi wins!
BATTLE OVER!
Luigi: Did I get him?
Dimension D starts fading away.
Luigi: Uh boy.
Epilogue: The Fate of the World
Luigi looks around and sees Dimentio. His mask-like face is cracking up and finally shatters, revealing pure light until Dimentio explodes.
Luigi: … Ha! I finally beat you now!
Plit energy surrounds Luigi and heals him.
Luigi: Thanks, I guess. I was at max HP and stuff for that fight so it wasn’t necessary, but thanks all the same. I guess.
A pirate reaches out its hook hand to Luigi.
Luigi: I pirate? Isn’t that supposed to be Vivian’s hand?
Pirate: Yarr! Who be caring?
Luigi: Uhhh, okay…
Luigi grabs it.
Luigi: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.
Then it turns out to be Daisy’s hand and he’s back in the cave. She’s trying to pull him up from collapsing rock ledges.
Daisy: Come on, Luigi!
Luigi: Oh, sorry.
Luigi tries to help himself get up but somehow messes it up and now he’s hanging upside-down, holding Daisy by the hand. She looks down into the pool.
Daisy: *gulp*
Luigi: Oh come on, give me SOME credit! … Wait, I just figured something out!
Daisy: What? That math problem?
Luigi: No, that’s still plaguing me. I think if we go to the Golden Land we can find Vivian!
Daisy: Isn’t the Golden Land a metaphor?
Luigi: Okay Daisy! Let’s poke holes in my new philosophy! And if you like, maybe you’d enjoy a nice swim in the River Twygx!
Daisy: Okay, sorry.
Luigi’s feet let go of the wall. He then flips, wall kicks off the wall, off the opposite wall, and back onto the lone ledge.
Daisy: You can do that?!
Luigi: It’s the ending FMV! I can do whatever I want!
Daisy: Oh yeah.
Luigi: Wait, that reminds me, where’s everyone else?
Daisy: On the other ledge.
Luigi looks over. Wario, Petey, P.T., and Elvin are there.
Wario: Hey.
Petey: Yo.
P.T.: Hi.
Elvin: Whatever.
Fonzie: Heeeey.
Petey: The Fonz, what are you doing here?
Fonzie: There’s a shark in there and I’m gonna jump it!
He jumps into the Garlic.
P.T.: … He’s going to be stuck in there and end up comatose, isn’t he?
Petey: Probably.
Wario: Now what?
Petey: Isn’t Savior about to be summoned or something? Shouldn’t we leave?
Elvin: How? It’ll take forever to get back out, if we even can!
The Gadd Cruiser then crashes into the room.
Jefferson’s voice: Ready to shove the Cruiser up Dimentio’s nose, sir!
Elvin: Yer too late! Now get us out of here!
Outside, the Gadd Cruiser barely makes it out of the North Pole Hole before Savior does. Savior comes in the form of a white beam. The Gadd Cruiser follows it. Meanwhile in a building in Petalburg…
Walaine: Something’s happening.
Walaine looks outside and notices the Millennium Star slowly descending into Koopa City and flashing red. There…
Bombette: Okay, I evacuated everyone!
Blue Knight: Me too.
The knight reverts back into Merlon. Kamek walks up to them.
Kamek: Okay, now let’s get out of here before we die too!
The three leave. Meanwhile on the Gadd Cruiser…
Luigi: What?! The Millennium Star?! I thought we had six days!
Petey: … Oh yeah! Bestovius said it’d be a week… But he was always bad at judging things like that. My bad.
Luigi: If Savior’s too late to work and we all die, I blame you for this!
Millennium Star: MMMMM!!!
He shoots lightning bolts into each area of Koopa City and one hits the cannon, breaking it in half.
Party: *gulp*
Daisy: I wonder if Bombette and Merlon got out safely.
P.T.: Hey, what’s that?
Savior comes over to Koopa City and stays in the area, eventually forming a white vortex under the Millennium Star. But it’s not really working.
Elvin: … Please tell me it’s supposed to let the Millennium Star penetrate it a bit.
Luigi: Nnnnnope. We’re too late. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Everyone’s panicking now.
Wario: Wait, what about Walaine?!
P.T.: I’m talking to Kamek now. He says Walaine is safe in Petalburg. And he and the other two are out of Koopa City by now. And stocks are up, hooray!
Petey: Great, just in time for the end of the world. So anyway, the Millennium Star is flashing. So after it crashes it’s going to explode?
Elvin: Looks that way.
Millennium Star: MMMMM!!! Bombs?
Daisy: Hey look!
Everyone looks outside the window. There’s a weird guy dancing outside.
Luigi: Well that’s weird. Doesn’t he know the world’s ending?
Daisy: No, over to the left!
The others look there too. Plit energy is approaching.
Luig/Wario/Petey/P.T.: ZA WARUDO*!
Daisy/Elvin: …
Everyone in Petalburg starts noticing.
Walaine: Ooh… shiny…
On a hill…
Bombette: … Huh? Merlon, what’s that?
Merlon: … Looks like Plit energy coming to help Savior.
Kamek: How would you know that?
Merlon: I read an online walkthrough.
Kamek: …
The energy starts surrounding Savior, and Underhands rise up and start pushing the Millennium Star with no effect. More pop up to help.
Elvin: Oh boy.
P.T.: Oh my.
Petey: Oh man.
Wario: Oh no.
Daisy: Oh…!
Luigi: Hmm…
The Underhands push the Millennium Star back up into space, where it finally explodes, revealing the real Millennium Star, which poses no threat. Everyone starts celebrating!
Luigi: Oh my…
Daisy: Are you going to faint?
Luigi: No, I think I’m good…
Luigi and Daisy go into the little party that their friends are having, and Vivian’s ghost smiles upon them from space. Weird.
500 years later…
Petey: HOW AM I STILL ALIVE?!
A much older Petey is flying through the sky. He’s had enough time to master it so now he can soar instead of merely flapping. With him are two smaller Peteys. The three land on a cliff.
Petey: There it is. Petey III and Superfly, my sons, this is a giant rock.
Petey III/Superfly: Ooh.
Petey: And past that is some place me and my old friends saved.
Petey III/Superfly: Aah.
It’s the ruins of old Koopa City. The three let out Wookie howls.
THE END
CAST:
Original … Played
By:
Cloud – Luigi
S. Mario
Sephiroth – Dimentio
Aerith – Vivian
Tifa – Daisy
Sarasa
Barret – Wally
“Wario”
Red XIII – Petey
Piranha
Cait Sith – P.T.
Piranha
Cid – Elvin Gadd
Yuffie – Bombette
Vincent – Merlon
Rufus – Bowser
Koopa Junior
Tseng – Croco
Reno – Boshi
Rude – Dr. Topper
Elena – Mimi
Professor Hojo
– Fawful
Jenova – Shadow
Queen
Lucrecia – Merlumina
Reeve Tuesti
– Kamek
AVALANCHE – The
Three Musty Fears
Marlene – Walaine
President Shinra
– Bowser Koopa
Heidegger – General
Guy
Scarlet – Nastasia
Zack – Mario
F. Mario
What became of
our heroes? Well:
Koopa City was
destroyed and a new town was built.
Luigi – Started
his own traveling plumbing business.
Daisy – Opened
another bar in the new town.
Wario – Became
a used car salesman.
Petey – Graduated
from Bianco U (B-).
P.T. – Kept doing
whatever Kamek told him to do.
Elvin – Went
back to Rocketbase Village, tea obsession and all.
Bombette – Went
back to Radint to collect badges.
Merlon – Got
his own spin-off video game.
Kamek – Opened
up some new organization.
THE REAL END!
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