Chapter 1: The Machine
It was a storming evening in Dark Land. Dinner had been served, Iggy had received his daily pounding, Larry’s plants had been watered, and Wendy was showering chlorine off of herself after spending the day in the castle’s indoor pool. Only one thing was left undone that day. Ludwig held forward his welding mask with one claw, as the gun in his hand spewed molten iron.
Sparks scattered all over the room, but Ludwig paid no mind. Nothing in his room could burn. Any Koopa that had been near the room had left from the constant sound generated by the tip of Ludwig’s gun. For himself, nearly all of Ludwig’s senses were limited. He couldn’t see anything but bright light from his helmet. The sound of electricity covered all other sounds. His body was covered heavily by leather, and his nose was plugged.
But one of Ludwig’s five senses was in perfect condition. The sense of taste. What did he taste? Victory. This machine would destroy Mario. It would destroy Luigi, too. It would even destroy Peach if the event was needed; any of those losers could be heroes these days. Today would be the start of a revolution. No one would be able to ruin it.
His hand began to shake as he heated the last edge, and he put his second hand on the gun to add control. He had a meter of heating left to do. He was almost done with the greatest creation to graze the surface of Plit. One decimeter left. The speed of Ludwig’s heartbeat skyrocketed, and in return, the speed of the welding gun in Ludwig’s nervous hands began to slow. One centimeter left.
A grin streaked across the Koopa‘s face. “Eureka! No, I require a stronger word. I-”
Bowser barged in. “Ludwig, I’ve come to collect taxes!”
The genius sighed. “Father, for the last time. You’re not supposed to collect taxes from your children.”
Bowser frowned. “Yeah, but collecting taxes makes me sound a lot more threatening, doesn’t it?” he asked.
“Yes, King Dad, it does. However, I’m one of your offspring, no? I have been near you enough to know you’re absolutely terrifying, and even if you weren’t, taxes wouldn’t change my mind,” answered Ludwig. “However, if I were a measly soldier, I would surely be talking about how great and powerful you are every time I pay my taxes.”
Bowser grinned and turned to stomp off happily, but Ludwig stopped him. “Father, I’ve finished what could possibly be the greatest machine for the Koopa Troop ever.”
Bowser looked horrified. “Ludwig, if you’re going to use great machines, don’t test them in the castle!” the King of Koopas ordered. Ludwig sighed.
“Father, it’s not going to explode. This isn’t a Scribble. Call in my siblings so it can be viewed by them.”
Bowser trembled, and did so. “Ludwig, if it blows up, I’m making you pay taxes,” he threatened. Ludwig smirked.
The machine had three pods. Two were on the sides, and one was larger and in the center.
“Wendy, go into the pod on the left. Morton, the pod on the right,” commanded Ludwig. Wendy reluctantly did as she was told. Morton was too stupid to go into the right pod, so Ludwig had to redirect him to the correct one. He then locked the two in. “My family, I’ll have you know that this machine is so great, because it combines positive attributes of those in both pods: strength, intelligence, odd skills, or whatever else you can come up with. I am testing it on the two siblings that we all would be perfectly fine with losing.”
Iggy trembled. “D-does it work in reverse?” he asked hesitantly.
Ludwig nodded. “If it works forwards, it’ll work in reverse.”
Larry speculated. “Who controls the body?”
Ludwig shrugged his shoulders. “Both of them, yet at the same time, neither of them. They should both be made into one.”
Lemmy rolled forward with a furrowed brow. “Ludwig, what do you actually plan on doing with this?”
Ludwig gave a chortle. “I plan on covering our weaknesses. I couldn’t fight worth a single coin, and Roy isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.” Roy just shrugged his shoulders.
Ludwig then observed his siblings. No more questions. He pressed a button on one of the iron tubes between the pods.
The pods glowed and shook. The shaking then went into the tubes and the center pod glowed with an even brighter light. Ludwig opened it to see something absolutely hideous. The machine hadn’t done a thing wrong, but before him stood Morndy, a brown Koopa the size of Bowser. The rest of the monster’s description was simple- It was a combination of Wendy and Morton.
“Ludwig, what did you DO?! NO, I already see. You bamboozled us. You tricked us. We were just a freaky science experiment to you. Now TURN US BAAAAACK!” Morndy screeched.
Ludwig’s face filled with horror and he shoved the mutant back into the pod and smashed the reverse button. The process occurred again in reverse. Ludwig looked at his family.
“Okay, kids, sorry for disrupting you,” apologized Bowser, stepping out of the room. But Ludwig called out to him.
“No, think about it! That beast was Morton and Wendy. It’s bound to whine loudly with several words, is it not?”
Iggy looked at Bowser. “Does this make me the new family genius?” he asked with a grin on his face. Bowser just stared at Ludwig. Ludwig released Morton and Wendy from the small pods.
“Now, if you’d just look at it,” began Ludwig, “that creature was derived from the two most unpleasant members of our family, correct? Plus, it really is only natural for the system to glitch when combining a male and a female. Drastically different, yes?”
Bowser just stood there, when he finally spoke up.
“Ludwig, Roy… Get in the machine.”
Chapter 2: Not Another Party…
Mario was napping on the top bunk of his and Luigi’s bed, when he was abruptly woken up by Parrakarry’s mail call. He got dressed, and when he was done, Luigi came into the room. “Mario, I have bad news,” said Luigi. He read the letter aloud.
Dear Marios,
I’m bored. So I decided to have a party at my castle. No, wait, I just remembered, I got a beach house, so come there. Yeah. Well, actually it’s Toad’s. You know what, if we have a party, he’ll get mad, and then he’ll try to look for another job, and then we’re left with an unoriginal, poorly written Scribble in Lemmy’s Land, so… Just come to my private yacht. Wait, it sank when I had the idea of a burrito buffet. So… Just come to the castle, okay? Yeah.
Hoping you’ll bring some chicken,
Princess Toadstool
Mario cheered. “Yay! Party!” Luigi just shook his head.
“No, Mario. We’ll get ten minutes into the party, then Bowser will attack us. You’re going on an adventure.”
Mario sighed. “Oh, right. I’ll flip the coin to see if I’m stupid or not on this adventure.” he said, then flipped a coin. It landed with a brain face-up. “Aww, I have to be smart on this adventure! Luigi, I’m not going to the party.”
“There’ll be cake.” Luigi said, and Mario was out the door in a heartbeat.
Chapter 3: Here’s your serving of revenge, now may I recommend the comedy relief?
Toad was sitting in his extremely rocked out beach house, reading “Servants ‘Weak’ly“. “I’m so glad I saved up the coins to get a beach house. Now I can work for Peach, AND sleep in a good bed! Then on weekends, I can wade in the water, and-”
“MAIL CALL!”
“And then I have to get my mail. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, I guess,” Toad said, then waltzed out to his mailbox to see what he got.
Dear Toad,
There is… uh… a Mushroom convention in Sarasaland tonight. So go there. It’ll be cool. Wait, no, never mind, I’ll have my party on my yacht instead of your beach house. Wait, now that I think of it, my yacht sank when you had the idea of a burrito night. Well, in that case, I’ll just have a party in my castle that you’re not invited to, you yacht sinker.
Hoping that you’ll still give us
some potatoes,
Princess Toadstool
Toad just stood there, looking at the
piece of paper. “All right, that’s it, I QUIT! Wait, no, this situation
has potential. I’ll destroy Peach for this. She tried to host a party in
my beach house without me knowing, and then she blames ME for the yacht
she sank after using the toilet on burrito night! I’m infiltrating that
party, and that peppy pink princess will rue the day she sent that letter!”
Does Bowser really trust Ludwig’s machine? Has Ludwig really gone, dare I say it, Kooky? What’s on the other side of Mario’s intelligence coin? Why are Peach’s letters so idiotic? Why is the author hypocritical enough to make part of the story about Toad getting revenge on Peach? For some strange reason, I can promise that all of these questions will somehow be answered in the next installment of “The Ultimate Koopa”.