Bowser’s Quest for Conquest

By Dr. Hawkins

Chapter One: The Decision

It is a normal day at Bowser’s castle- the one that is his capital, not the Mario Kart ones that were just small bases.

Bowser on the intercom: Ramone and Kammy Koopa, report to the war room as soon as possible!


Kammy: Why did you call us, Your Chunkiness? I was in the middle of turning a Mario doll into dust!

Ramone: And I was about to crack a Goomba’s helmet with my hammer.

Bowser: You both will be locked in the dungeon if you bums don’t attend this conference!

Two Koopa soldiers are looking in the window

Koopa 1: That Ramone Koopa character really rose through the ranks, huh?

Koopa 2: Are you kidding? That Hammer Bro was promoted to top Hammer Bro lieutenant in a month! He dueled Bowser Jr, and after a grave battle, he won!

Koopa 1: I hear he may even surpass the Koopalings!

Koopa 2: We will just have to see, my friend. We will just have to see.

Bowser then notices the Koopas and wavsd them away

Bowser: Now I will call my Koopalings and discuss why I have called you here.

Bowser calls the Koopalings on the intercom

Lemmy: Why did you call us here, King Dad?

Bowser: Glad that you asked. I have considered turning the Koopa Klan into an empire spanning all of Plit!

Ludwig: Zat vould take very much vork!

Wendy: Do you really think we can conquer all of Plit?!

Bowser: If we really try we can, right?

Kammy: Yes, but we don’t want our Klan to fall because of a foolish attempt!

Kamek: Why are we risking airships, coins, and Koopas for land?

Bowser: Well you see, every time we kidnap Peach and destroy her castle, Mario comes, right?

Everyone: Right!

Bowser: And if we extend our reach farther from our lands that border our castle, we will be notified of his arrival, and may be able stop him. Plus, guess what happens when we become the rulers of those lands? Taxes. Lots of taxes. We will become rich from taxes! Taxes are my main reason! And did Rome ever explain why they conquered?

Ludwig: But…

Bowser: Now stop right there! Our clan is big! We can and will do this! It is decided then. We will.

Ramone: Get the airship armada ready! We are going to initiate an attack!

Chapter Two: Slicing Through

Bowser: Ramone, I declare you captain of the fleet that is going to attack the Mushroom capital of Mushroom City.

Ramone: Thank you. I will do my very best, King Bowser.

Bowser: Remember to attack Mushroom Bridge first. It’s the only route that the Mushroom army ground forces can take to get to Mushroom Castle on the other side of the city!

Ramone: Yes sir.

Bowser: Now GO!

The airships take off and head to Mushroom City.

Ramone (on the airship radio frequency): All airships activate your cloaking devices!

The airships suddenly turn invisible, and cannot be heard or found on radar.

Ramone: We are nearing Mushroom City, take caution not to attract attention in any way!

The airships take position under Mushroom Bridge.

Ramone: On my signal, fire at the beams. One, two, three!

The airships turn off their cloaking devices and suddenly attack the bridge’s support beams.

Ramone: Good, the bridge is falling in the water! After making sure that no reinforcements come here, we’ll head to the castle.


Peach: Bowser attacked us! We need to find a way out of here!

Toadsworth: Well, your guards are more skilled than Koopa grunt soldiers. Besides, milady, the Mushroom ground forces will be here right after the Koopas come! Remember the secret route they take if the bridge is destroyed?

Peach: Yes! I remember! The Koopas are being led right into a trap! Plus, the Mushroom Air Force and Navy will destroy the airships!

Back to the Koopas…

Ramone: Yes, now we can proceed to the castle, where we will most certainly-

Kaboom! The Flagship of the Koopas is hit!

Ramone: You, Sergeant, give me a status report!

Sergeant: The Mushroom Royal Navy fired the cannonball! They blasted a hole right through to the first propeller blade’s engine! We are very slowly losing altitude!

Ramone: Dock with the nearest friendly airship and prepare to counterattack!

Sergeant: Yes sir!

Ramone: I have one more thing to say; make sure half of the fleet gets to the castle before naval or air forces get there first!

Sergeant: It will be done!

The nearest airship docks with the flagship. As they are doing this, the half of the fleet staying at the Bridge opens fire on the Mushroom Navy, while the rest head for the castle.

On the flagship of the Mushroom Navy…

General McToad: We have hit their primary airship! Wait, we only hit them enough for them to board another ship! I want the bridge between the two destroyed and the flagship completely downed.

Cannoneers: Right away!

The cannons fire cannonballs that pinpoint the connector bridge.

Ramone: Look! The cannonballs are heading directly at us! Brace for impact!

The cannonballs shatter the bridge like a stick, wood flying everywhere. Ramone is caught in the blast and is sent airborne onto the boarded airship.

Ramone: OWOWOWOW! Medic! Medic!

A Lakitu with a red cross on its cloud instead of a face comes and heals Ramone’s wounds.

Medickitu: He has a dislocated leg. He will live, but will have to use crutches for a bit.

Ramone: The flagship!

The second volley of cannonballs pulverizes the flagship, sending cargo and Koopas down into the swirling, churning waters of the bay. Ramone then notices a falling piece of consignment that is vital to the Koopas’ conquest.

Ramone: The Intelligence cartridge! It contains fundamental information!

Medickitu: I will get it!

The Medickitu then dives down, dodging debris and cannonballs. It then grabs the cartridge with his hook just seconds before it hits the water. He then brings the cartridge back up to the airship.

Ramone: Thank DAD!

Back on the Mushroom Flagship…

Mctoad: That’s enough! We will-

A Koopa cannonball then hits a nearby frigate’s cargo hold, causing fuel tanks to explode, sinking the frigate.

Mctoad: I want the air force here NOW!

A fleet of airships with the Mushroom Kingdom symbol on its flagpoles arrives.

Ramone: The Mushroom Air Force is here!

At Mushroom Castle…

Koopa: I’m talking to Ramone by Koopa shellceiver. Ramone! Ramone! Do you come in? We have rappelled from the airships and are at the windows of the castle. Over.

Ramone: Yes! The Mushroom Air Force has come and are approaching. We will hold them off as long as we can. Enter the castle and come out as quickly as you can! Ramone out.

Koopa: You heard him! Breach the windows!

The Koopas use a special device to shatter the windows of the castle.

Koopa: Storm the castle! Find Peach, take down the royal guard, and take whatever valuables you may find!

As the Koopas go inside and battle Toads, the Mushroom ground forces quietly surround the castle.

Koopa: They are dropping in numbers! We will win!

Suddenly, more Toads come in and attack the Koopas.

Koopa: They had a backup garrison! Fall back!

The Koopas retreat out of the castle in the style of finding cover, attacking, and moving back to another spot of cover; but as they get outside they realize the ground forces are waiting for them.

Koopa: We surrender!

The Koopas lay down their ball shooters and the Captain Koopa takes out his shellceiver.

Koopa: (whispering into shellceiver: Ramone! We lost. We surrendered. I am most sorry!

Ramone: You did a fine job. Unfortunately it was rigged with a trap, the Mushroom Army had a backup route. Ramone out!

Koopa: (whispering to fellow Koopa) Our airships left to backup our fleet at the bay! One is left here. It will immediately self-destruct now.

In the airship, charges are on both propeller engines. The charges go off, destroying the airship.

Toad: Put your hands where we can see them!

Koopas: Yes! We have surrendered.

Back by the Bridge…

Ramone: Launch the fighters! They will probably launch fighters soon after we do!

A small hangar door opens and the hovercrafts from the Mario Party series are seen flying out.

Pilot Koopa: A Team, focus fire on the navy; B Team, focus on the airships; and C Team, focus on the fighters.

As the airships blast cannonballs and Bullet Bills at each other, Ramone realizes that the Koopas can’t win.

Ramone: All airships return to Castle Koopa. We cannot achieve our objective now! All fighter craft return to their proper airships as well.

Koopas: Awwwww! We will win next time. All airships retreat!

As the airships leave, General McToad is very happy at this point and tells the Mushroom airships not to pursue. The Koopas soon come over Mario and Luigi’s house. Ramone stops the airships to give a command.

Ramone: There’s Mario and Luigi’s house! Circle around it! Then destroy it!

The airships circle around the house, then proceed to destroy Mario and Luigi’s house, launching cannonballs that explode on contact, burning the house to the ground. Caught in the blast, Mario and Luigi are sent reeling onto Ramone’s airship.

Mario: It’s-a me, Mario.

Hammer Bro: EAT THIS!

The Hammer Bro hits Mario on the head with a hammer

Ramone: Hey Mario! Want this cheese?

Ramone holds up a Bob-omb painted like a ball of cheese.


Mario eats the “Cheese-omb” and explodes. Luigi is caught in the blast and sent to the Comet Observatory

Luigi: Mamamia!

Ramone: Now to report to King Bowser that we defeated the Mario Bros!

Koopa: And get ready to attack Neon Heights!

Chapter 2: General Attack

Back at Koopa Castle, things are not looking good for Ramone Koopa…

Bowser: You LOST the battle?

Ramone: We destroyed the Mario Bros, sir! Aren’t you happy we won’t have to deal with them?

Bowser: Yes. I am happy that you did that. I am also happy that the other fleet already destroyed the Bean army and only lost three airships in the process of conquering the Beanbean Kingdom. But you still messed up bad. TO THE DUNGEON!

Ramone: Yes sir.

After Ramone is gone, Bowser calls Kamek.

Kamek: Are we ready to take down Neon Heights?

Bowser: Not yet! We must kidnap someone first.

Kamek: Who?

Bowser: General Guy. He is the ruler of the Shy Guys. Neon Heights AND Grand Canal are Shy Guy territory. If we abduct General Guy we will have no trouble taking the Shy Guy lands. And to not alert suspicion of this villainy, make it look as if it were an accident!

Kamek: I hate to intervene, but how do we net him?

Bowser: He has just boarded the Shy Guy Perplex Express. Attack the Express and bring him here. Got any questions?

Kamek: No sir. I will ready four airships to accompany my flagship.

Bowser: Yes, you go do that. Morton will tell you the order that we will attempt to conquer lands in.

Morton: After we conquer at least one major Shy Guy city we’ll head for the island of Sarasaland, then we’ll start heading into the Mushroom Kingdom by invading Moonview City. At the same time the other fleet will be capturing the area around Rogueport and Poshley Heights, battling the X-Nauts in the process. After we grow that much, then we’ll take on our rival country in a stunning second blow to their capital! You know, this reminds me of…

Kamek just looks away and puts Morton under a temporary “mute” spell.

Kamek: Now that’s better!

Kamek goes to the castle’s airship hangar and takes off with his airships

Kamek: Now as soon as I give the signal, turn all cloaking devices off and fire harpoons at the train. And remember; we want the general alive.

The airships turn their clocking devices on and approach the train.

Kamek: One, two, three, FIRE!

The airships fire harpoons into the train’s windows and then Koopas slide down the harpoons and board the train. A secret service agent for the general, dressed up as train staff, approaches and asks why the Koopas are boarding the train.

Service Guy: Why are you boarding this train?

Koopa: Let’s just say it has something indispensable onboard it.

The Service Guy knows exactly what the Koopa is talking about, and pulls out a ball shooter

Service Guy: I need backup!

Other Service Guys start attacking the Koopas. As they are doing this, the train’s cannons and turrets are activated. A turret shoots at an airship and blows it to bits.

Kamek: Focus fire on the cannons!

On the train…

Koopa: We are winning! They locked the doors between the cars! Blow the doors out!

The Koopas put explosive charges on the doors and the doors get blown off their hinges.

Koopa: The next room has General Guy in it! Push forward! We’ve almost won!

The Koopas breach the door to find General Guy and his guards aiming right for them. As the Service Guys try to fend off the Koopas, General Guy retreats into the kitchen car of the train, which is nearest the engine. As the Koopas finish off the Service Guys they discover that their target has escaped from the private car to the kitchen car, and pursue their target. With only the engine to run to and no more Service Guys, General Guy is fated with being captured.

General Guy: I yield! I yield!

As the Koopas capture General Guy and send him onto the flagship, they count that they have 45 troops out of the 70 who boarded, and 2 out of 5 airships sunk.

Kamek: Ah, General Guy, how nice to see you! Lord Bowser will be most pleased.

General Guy: Why are you spreading your lands?

Kamek: No, no. WE will ask the questions when you are transported to the castle. Thank you!

The remaining train cannons sink another airship.

Kamek: Blast it! Hit that train’s engines with a cannonball!

The flagship shoots a cannonball right into the smokestack, causing the engine to explode. This starts a chain reaction across the train.

Kamek: In addition, shoot the tracks right below the train so it looks as if it crashed!

A cannonball is shot so the tracks are dented, giving the scene the concealing outfit of a crash.

Kamek: Now we leave for the castle!

As the airships leave, two Chef Guys crawl out of the wreckage just out of the Koopas’ sight.

Chef Guy: We must alert the Shy Guy Guard! I found radios in the ruins!

At Castle Koopa…

General Guy: I will NEVER fall for your tricks, bribes, and threats.

Bowser: You will tell us what we want to know, one way or another. Kamek, Kammy!

Kamek and Kammy are seen going into the interrogation room, Kamek holding a book of spells that is open to a page titled “Truth Spells and Mind Control”.

What will happen to General Guy? Will powerful sorcerers invade his mentality? And will the Koopas’ attack on the main cities of the Shy Guy Federation be a smashing win, or a dismaying loss? Find out in the continuation of Bowser’s Quest for Conquest!

To Be Continued...

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