For once, their plan had worked perfectly. Toadette, Jolene, Pork Chop, Boshi, and the Koopalings were flying high above Grodus’s Magic Cure Shop, with mostly complete control of their wings and nothing to stand in their way of getting to King Boolossus’s castle in the sky.
“WATCH OUT FOR THAT JET!” Iggy screamed as it shaved off the tips of his hair.
Well, almost nothing.
“WATCH OUT FOR THAT PLANE!” Lemmy roared as he was nearly sucked into the intake.
Kind of almost nothing.
“WATCH OUT FOR
THAT FLOCK OF GEESE!” Jolene screeched as the
angry birds tore
at her clothes.
Never mind.
“I see it up ahead,” Toadette finally said, a dramatic note to her voice. “That is the palace of King Booha.”
“BOOLOSSUS,” Jolene corrected loudly.
And there it was, King Booha- I mean, Boolossus’s palace... It was horrible... It was terrible... It... it... it...
It was a cloud.
“This is it?” Wendy scowled.
“It looks like whipped cream,” Iggy suggested, trying to taste it, “not a palace.”
“I’ll bet the king built it himself.” Toadette chuckled.
Before Boshi could say anything, Jolene knocked out all his teeth.
“I see Luigi and Mario!” Lemmy announced, pointing towards the far edge of the cloud. Luigi and Mario were suspended from ropes that seemed to go on up forever. The two of them swallowed their gags and wriggled frantically upon seeing the winged ones.
“OVER HERE!” Luigi roared.
“PAS-TA!” Mario put in.
Toadette and Jolene converged upon them and gnawed off their ropes. Immediately the two Brothers fell screaming through the sky. After a few minutes, though, the girls managed to catch them.
“So,” Luigi gasped, as the sensation of falling a thousand miles before being unceremoniously tossed over someone’s shoulder was not a pleasant one, “Bowyer-”
“FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!” screamed the gargantuan Boo as he appeared from nowhere, seeming to come directly from the cloud itself. Everyone screamed, Jolene dropped Mario and promptly forgot about him. Then she flew at the giant Boo and kicked straight through his protoplasmic form. He went flying off the cloud, following Mario.
“The box!” Toadette gasped, for it was conveniently floating in front of her, in midair, along with her trusty ray gun. She ripped the box open and immediately the enormous ghost and Mario came flying back at them. King Boolossus was sucked inside, leaving only a crown, while Mario whacked into Jolene. Toadette pocketed the ray gun.
“That was too easy.” Wendy sighed, as Jolene beat Mario to a pulp.
As if on cue, a certain enormous red dragon and black dragon burst through the clouds, roaring louder than a freight train, teeth bared, forked tongues aquiver. Hooktail and Gloomtail swooped to face them, while two shadowy figures on their backs cackled with glee.
“YOU JINXED US!” Luigi screamed at Wendy. She slapped him.
“Wario,” Lemmy yelped, “and Waluigi!”
The two shadowy figures ceased their cackling and glared. On Hooktail was Wario, an enormously fat and ugly man wearing yellow and purple. On Gloomtail was Waluigi, an extremely skinny, tall, hatchety-faced man. They both had long, badly groomed mustaches.
“That’s right!” Wario hissed, glaring at Mario. “Destroy them, Hooktail!”
“You too, Gloomtail!” Waluigi added, glaring at Luigi.
“I sense something bad about to happen!” Jolene yelled.
No one had time to wonder about her psychic powers, though, because the red dragon Hooktail screamed to her rider, “Don’t try to command us!”
“Why?” Waluigi asked.
“Grodus,” Gloomtail hissed, with a look on his face as if he was tasting something nasty, “tried that with our mistress.”
“Do you know what happened to him?” Hooktail cackled.
“No,” Wario said simply, then turned back to the group.
“Why does it matter?” Waluigi shrugged.
“To them,” Jolene added to her previous prediction.
Lemmy sighed. “You two do know that their mistress is the Shadow Queen, right?”
“No,” Waluigi said, after a pause.
“Why does it matter?” Wario shrugged.
“They’re dead,” Jolene muttered.
“Dude,” Boshi said, with the air of explaining that two plus two equals four, “the Shadow Queen turned Grodus into a head.”
“And?” Waluigi asked, after a pause.
“AND?!” Gloomtail roared.
“YOU REALLY DON’T CARE?!” Hooktail screamed.
“No.” Wario shrugged.
“Should we?” Waluigi asked.
“Yes,” Luigi answered. Jolene dropped him. He fell screaming through the air.
“Buggy!” Mario added. Toadette dropped him. He fell cheering through the air.
“You think you can overpower Hooktail and Gloomtail?!” Toadette laughed.
Wario chuckled. “I think that’s already been established.”
“Okay, you’re dead.” Hooktail sighed.
“FINALLY!” the group cheered as Toadette and Jolene dived to recover the Mario Bros.
Hooktail bucked and swiped at Wario, who, without the aid of wings, went plummeting. Then she whipped Waluigi with her tail, and he also went flying. “Wah!” they screamed, passing Toadette, Jolene, and the Brothers.
“My, what big words they know.” Gloomtail rolled his huge eyes.
“Now,” Hooktail cackled, “let us destroy this pathetic fool.”
“Which pathetic fool?” Mario questioned, as Toadette dragged him upwards. “There are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight pathetic fools!”
Toadette, at her wit’s end, pulled out her newly acquired ray gun and shot him. He flew down several miles, and she dived again to recover him. The two dragons waited patiently, swapping collectible action figures with the others, until the group was entirely assembled above the clouds.
“TOADETTE!” Gloomtail roared, once pleasantries had been exchanged. “YOU IMPRISONED BROTHER BONETAIL!”
“YOU WILL PAY!” Hooktail added.
But before she could even pull out her calculator to determine exactly how much Toadette owed them, Jolene had given her a roundhouse kick under the chin. The red dragon, surprised, tried and failed to regain control of her wings, and plummeted.
“I don’t think so.” Jolene smirked, smashing the calculator with a karate chop.
“SISTER!” Gloomtail whined, as Toadette ripped open the box. Hooktail went spinning towards them and, roaring, vanished inside the intricate carvings. Toadette slammed the lid shut.
Gloomtail roared. “NOW YOU HAVE IMPRISONED TWO OF MY KIN.”
Toadette blanched.
“Dude,” Boshi scoffed, “Jolene can easily-”
While he spoke, Gloomtail slashed his claws at Jolene, obliterating her wings. She plummeted screaming towards the ground, tossing Luigi into the air, where he was caught by Wendy. No one considered going after her.
Toadette screamed and flew as fast as she could in the opposite direction, shooting her gun erratically and missing every time. However, Gloomtail was much faster, and she met the same fate as Jolene, the others too scared of the dragon to recover her. Mario was caught by Boshi. The intricately carved box remained floating in midair.
“Sweet revenge...” Gloomtail licked his lips as he watched them fall. “Your friend will die painfully. Where is that fool Boolossus?”
“In the box,” Luigi squeaked.
“Oh,” Gloomtail said. There was an uncomfortable silence.
“So,” Boshi said loudly, breaking the silence, “dude, now we fight...”
“To avenge Toadette?” Wendy suggested.
“And Jolene?” Iggy added.
“Who cares about either one of them?” Lemmy scoffed.
“Not me,” Luigi said. As if on cue, a bolt from Toadette’s gun flew up from below, narrowly missing his nose.
“Eh, let’s fight anyway!” Pork Chop cheered, rubbing his fist.
“Buh,” Mario said unhelpfully.
“FOOOOOOOOOOOLS!” Gloomtail howled. “I AM UNBEATABLE!”
“Yeah, suuuuuuuuuure...” Luigi scoffed. Wendy glared at him and tossed him into the air, where he was swatted down by Gloomtail.
“So, we avenge Luigi too, now, right?” Lemmy asked.
“Ten coins says I get thrown off the cloud next,” Boshi said, eying Lemmy’s wallet.
Gloomtail dived towards Boshi and the struggling Mario, gargantuan hands wide open, claws poised to strike. Wishing to protect them, Pork Chop flew in front of Boshi, fists out. There was a swipe and, seconds later, Boshi, Mario, and Pork Chop were all spinning through the air.
“Pay up!” Boshi screamed from below.
Lemmy threw ten coins in the opposite direction, chuckling.
“It’s up to us Koopas to save the day.” Wendy grinned, rubbing her hands together.
“How original,” Lemmy muttered, watching Boshi try to air-swim towards the ten coins.
“Box ready, Captain!” Iggy reported.
Wendy grinned with her pointed teeth, faced Gloomtail, and... began to throw hula-hoops made out of candy.
Gloomtail laughed. “Chow time!” He munched on the candy rings. They were a deadly poison... but so was he, so there was no effect.
“And for dessert...” Gloomtail stuck his gargantuan head by Wendy and opened his mouth wide, “YOU!”
Wendy smacked him.
“Ack!” He shook his head. His eyes were spinning in their sockets. “You ugly little-”
“WHAT?!” Wendy shrieked. Lightning flashed. Thunder roared. Iggy and Lemmy cowered.
“This battle may be over sooner than we thought...” Lemmy muttered, as Wendy quickly grew. She towered over Gloomtail.
Gloomtail squeaked. “Pick on someone your own size, kid!”
Wendy roared. “YOU ARE MY SIZE, NOW!”
“Actually, Wendy,” Iggy said timidly, “you’re way bigger.”
“Who cares?” Lemmy scoffed.
So thus, Wendy took hold of Gloomtail’s massive neck and began squeezing the life out of him.
“Ack!” he choked. “Poison breath!”
She just waved it away. He turned blue.
“All right!” he squealed. “Uncle! Uncle!”
“What’s uncle mean, anyway?” Lemmy sighed.
“I dunno.” Iggy sighed. “Anyway...”
He flipped open the intricately carved box. Gloomtail, in his weakened state, was dragged towards it.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he moaned. And then he was gone.
“So,” Wendy giggled as she slowly shrunk to her original size, “what do we do now?”
“Uh, fly away?” Lemmy suggested. He felt for his wings.
He felt nothing.
Iggy blanched. “The effects must have worn off a while ago.”
Wendy blanched. She looked down. “So... what do we do now?”
Iggy and Lemmy fell screaming down through the air.
“I guess that’s an idea...” she murmured. And then she plummeted after them.
And then...
WHAM!
The Koopalings felt for ground. There was something solid below them... Solid... and yellow.
“What just happened?” Wendy groaned.
Lemmy blinked. “We fell onto a big, floating platform.”
There was no time to wonder what on earth a big, floating platform was doing in the middle of nowhere, because at that moment a piercing scream filled the air. Two piercing screams.
“HEY!”
“WE’RE OVER HERE!”
While Lemmy and Wendy began wondering for their own sanity, Iggy gave a cry of delight (and, all right, a little disappointment). “The others! They’re on another platform.”
It was true. The rest of the group was waving frantically at them from a few feet away.
“So...” Lemmy pondered, “how do we get from here to there?”
“We use makeup.” Wendy answered.
“NOW?!”
“I was joking.”
Iggy slapped her. She knocked his teeth out. “HEY, LUIGI!” she screeched.
As the two platforms were literally right next to each other, this was much too loud.
“YEAH?!” Luigi bellowed in her ear.
“TOSS OVER THE FLYING POTION!” she roared in his ear.
He handed it to her.
“Okay...” Lemmy muttered.
She splashed the remainder of the liquid over herself and her siblings. They sprouted wings and flew the three inches over to the next platform.
Boshi scoffed. “Dude, that was too eas-”
Before he could say the last letter, everyone’s hands clamped over his mouth. “DON’T SAY IT!” Iggy screeched.
“So,” Wendy glanced over the group, “Luigi, Mario, Boshi, Jolene, Pork Chop, and...” Her eyes widened. “TOADETTE!”
“WHERE’S TOADETTE?!” the others screamed in unison.
Luigi grinned. “Great. Now someone ELSE is dead...”
There was then a quick celebration of this fact, with party hats seemingly pulled from nowhere and music that was actually the guttural sounds of Jolene yanking on Boshi’s tongue.
“As if I care,” Pork Chop whooped.
As they settled down to ‘cake’ that had been mysteriously made by Mario, there was an explosion as the bottom of their big yellow platform was hit with a bomb.
“The Wario Bros. are alive,” Lemmy muttered, throwing the ‘cake’ over his shoulder.
Indeed, Wario and Waluigi, badly battered but still moving, were erratically tossing bombs towards the group.
“ACK!” Wario bellowed, from far, far below. “THEY’VE SEEN US!”
“ATTACK!” Waluigi screamed.
And they ran away.
“Strangest... attack... ever...”
“LOVE!” Mario laughed, throwing his arms around Jolene. She threw him high up into the air and he did not come down.
And then, from nowhere, came Wario’s voice. “You think our attack is over...”
And then, from nowhere, came Waluigi’s voice. “How very wrong you are...”
Jolene blinked. “How can they be talking if they just ran away?”
“Um...” went Wario’s voice.
“WE’VE BEEN DISCOVERED!” went Waluigi’s voice.
And they somehow ran away again.
Jolene shook her head. “Our readers deserve a more descriptive sentence than THAT!”
The others stared at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Never mind.” Before they could press her for further information, however, Mario plummeted back to them and plowed Jolene halfway through the platform.
“Now what?” Wendy whined, as Mario danced on Jolene’s head.
“Let’s-a do the Mario!” Mario whooped.
“And how does that help us?”
“It quenches thirst!”
“And how does it quench thirst?”
“Ummmmmmmmm...”
Pork Chop grit his teeth. “I have an overwhelming urge to kill Mario.”
He was not alone.
“Okay,” Jolene muttered, extracting herself from the platform, clenching her fingers around Mario’s throat, and tossing him off the side. “for one thing, we shouldn’t look down.”
Immediately they all, including Jolene, looked down. They were miles high. They could see Mario rocketing downwards.
And they passed
out.
Meanwhile, in the throne room of the castle of the Shadow Queen, the Black Yoshi had just entered. “My queen?” he muttered.
“Welcome, Neville.” Princess Peach sighed. She was being fanned by her Toad servants, all totally convinced that they were taking orders from a non-possessed princess.
“Yes, my queen,” the Yoshi bowed. “Your dungeon is now full to the brim.”
“So, you’ve got Captain Syrup,” the Shadow Queen said in a bored tone, “and...”
“Well,” the Black Yoshi said nervously, “there’s Bowyer and Toadette.”
“WHAT?!” The Shadow Queen sat up and blasted her Toad servants into smithereens. “NEVILLE, I THOUGHT THEY WERE DEAD!”
The Black Yoshi smiled apologetically. “You seriously believed me when I said that?”
“Of course I did!”
“Oh.” He grimaced. “Well, dear Chauncey happened to find Bowyer’s ship crashed, and brought Bowyer to me.”
He gestured towards the dungeon.
“What,” the Shadow Queen hissed, “was Chauncey doing in outer space?”
The Black Yoshi chuckled nervously. “That... is a mystery.” He decided that the true story, involving illegal intergalactic smuggling, would be much less well received.
The Shadow Queen squinted at him for a minute, but moved on. “And Toadette?”
The Black Yoshi smiled. “The twins caught her lying outside the castle.” Dead, he thought, but the fact that the twins had restored Toadette’s soul in an attempt to make a living being play hide-and-seek with them... was not endearing. “From what they said, she put up one tough fight.”
“Well, Neville,” said the Shadow Queen, rubbing her hands together, “call up your relatives, servants, and friends. We have visitors.”
“Visitors?” questioned the Black Yoshi, glancing towards the door.
And then Luigi, Mario, Jolene, Pork Chop, Wendy, Iggy, Lemmy, and Boshi crashed through the ceiling, covering them both with a thick layer of dust, wood, and ornate gold statues of Mario picking his nose.
They stared at each other. Pork Chop walked over to the door, opened it, closed it, and wiped his feet on the carpet.
“DUDE!” Boshi yelled, breaking the uncomfortable silence. “IT’S THE SHADOW PARTY, YO!”
They stared at him.
“Shall we run for our lives?” Jolene suggested.
“Yes, let’s,” agreed Luigi.
And they ran down the hall, screaming their heads off. Well, Mario was screaming other people’s heads off, but it came to the same thing.
The Shadow Queen and the Black Yoshi stared off at them. “Why didn’t you call the others?” she managed.
“I was stunned.”
Thankfully, the
party found their way to the dungeon stairs, though as it was so impossibly
tall, no one could see the bottom. They managed to get down, though, due
to Mario’s pitching skills.
“Here we are.” groaned Luigi, panting. Being grabbed around the waist and sent rocketing down two hundred flights of stairs was not a comfortable experience.
“I have the life potion,” groaned Jolene, glancing around for the Shadow Sirens’ remains.
Then she stopped. She stared at the cells- and not because they were handsome- because, inside...
“Hey!” Bowyer roared.
“Hey!” Toadette yelped.
They stared.
“Yo?” Pork Chop half-waved.
“Rescue us!” Toadette ordered, jamming her fist through the bars and waving her laser gun at them.
“YOU’RE SUPPPOSED TO BE DEAD!” Lemmy roared.
“Thanks,” Bowyer scoffed.
“Are you going to rescue us or not?” Toadette whined.
Mario made their mind up for them. “Eh, no one cares about you.”
“Hey, look.” Iggy elbowed the others, smirking at another cell. “It’s Captain Burger.”
“SHUT UP AND GET US OUT!” bellowed ‘Captain Burger’.
“First,” Jolene smirked, waggling a finger at the three murderous-looking prisoners, “let’s bring back the Sirens.” She turned towards the jailer’s bench, on which the three smoldering witch hats were tastefully arranged.
“NO!” Syrup screamed as Luigi removed the miraculously unharmed vial of Life Potion from his pocket. “I’LL GET MORE HATE MAIL!”
“DUDETTE,” Boshi bellowed, even more loudly, “YOU SEND THEM HATE MAIL!”
“... And?”
“Oh boy,” Wendy sighed as Luigi prepared to pour potion all over the tastefully arranged remains. This was the moment they had been waiting for. All their adventure had been leading up to this- reviving the Shadow Sirens. Because without the Shadow Sirens... uh... well... Hmm...
And the vial was emptied. Luigi stood back as the ashes shifted. Purple shapes grew from underneath the hats. Vivian’s fair body, Beldam’s stubby one and large nose, and Marilyn’s bulk, rising up. Vivian was the first to speak.
“AAAAAH!”
Or scream.
“IT’S CAPTAIN HOTDOG!”
Captain Syrup rammed her head into the cell wall.
“The one who sends us hate mail!” Beldam whined. “Darn you, Captain Sugar!”
“I’m starting to realize why she sends them hate mail,” whispered Toadette, as Syrup pushed her head in deeper.
The Shadow Sirens immediately dusted themselves off and began staring at the assembly of beings in the dungeon. Behind bars, there was Toadette, a freaky evil-looking bow-creature, and Captain Syrup. Outside of the bars was Luigi, Mario (AAAAAH!), a blue Yoshi with shades, a Toad woman who was bashing the blue Yoshi’s head in, and three Koopas, two of whom had rainbow hair and one of whom was bald with a bow.
“Who are all these FREAKS?!” Vivian grumped. You couldn’t blame her for being snappish, after... well, dieing.
“Your rescue party,” whimpered Luigi.
“GUH!” replied Marilyn.
“Say what did she?” Bowyer asked.
“WHAT?!”
“What? Did? She? Say?” Bowyer growled.
“She said that...” Beldam sneered, “um... guh?”
“Yeah,” Vivian snapped, “she said Guh. Are you deaf?”
“Listen, sister!” Toadette snapped back from her cell. “We went to a LOT of trouble to bring you back to life!”
“Yeah,” Pork Chop added. “SO STOP TALKING AND SIT DOWN!”
“Freak,” Beldam muttered, but the other two sat compliantly, Vivian releasing her pressure with a conveniently placed whoopee cushion from Mario.
“Listen up, dudes and dudettes!” Boshi snarled, wagging a finger in the air. “I’m a little confused as to why we rescued these dudely punks!”
The others seemed to be thinking along the same lines, and Luigi suddenly found himself the target of several glares.
“Because they’re our only hope of defeating...” Luigi began, but then he paused. Hadn’t they already defeated a giant king of Boos, a skeleton monster, an army of Bowser’s minions, Mecha-Bowser, the dragon siblings, and more, without the Shadow Sirens’ help? “...I guess not.”
“So we did all that for nothing?” Toadette asked calmly. When Luigi nodded, she shot him so many times that his personal gravity reversed and he hit the ceiling.
“Listen,” Vivian said, eying the ray gun, “it isn’t a complete loss. We know something you don’t.”
“What?” Luigi groaned from the ceiling.
It turned out that, as smoldering remains, no one thought not to talk around them. Thus, every time the Shadow Queen, the black Yoshi, Doopliss, or any minion had been in the dungeon, the Shadow Sirens had heard every word.
Vivian took advantage of her audience’s tension. This was information no one could know. This was top secret. This was...
“The Shadow Queen has released Hooktail, Gloomtail, and Bonetail,” she whispered.
Silence.
“We beat them all, doofus,” growled Jolene.
“Well,” Beldam jumped in as Vivian twitched, “Doopliss is a powerful shapeshifter-”
“YES,” Wendy shouted, “WE KNOW.” Actually, she didn’t.
“And,” Vivian put in, “we know that the Black Yoshi is planning to get rid of Doopliss.”
“I think he already did,” Luigi growled.
Vivian and Beldam looked at each other. Everyone in the room looked as if they wanted to commit murder.
“Did you know,” Beldam suggested, “that the Black Yoshi is actually Neville in a robot suit?”
“Neville the ghost?” Luigi said suddenly, thinking back. “Who I beat a few years ago?”
“Yup,” Vivian said nervously.
“Well, that’s something new,” Iggy said. The Sirens breathed a sigh of relief.
“Do the Mario!” Mario suddenly yelped.
“What does that have to do with what we’re doing?” Beldam snorted as Vivian looked dreamily at the plumber.
“It quenches thirst!” Mario replied.
“Guh,” agreed Marilyn.
“So,” said Vivian quickly, as the others closed in on Mario, “now we do... what?”
“Let’s beat the
Shadow Queen!” whooped Pork Chop.
“And Neville!”
Toadette snarled. “The entire purpose of our journey is coming to a close!”
With that, she shot Luigi again, and he crumpled back down to the ground.
“I’m-a lactose intolerant,” Mario told Luigi’s crumpled form.
“Big news.” Vivian sighed, patting him on the head. “Mario’s lactose intolerant. Wow.”
“Dude, go and tell the world this wonderful news,” Boshi snapped.
“SURE!” Mario screamed, and he ran from the dungeon. The others stared after him.
“ATTENTION, SHADOW QUEEN!” they heard his bellowing voice. “ATTENTION, NEVILLE! ATTENTION, NUMEROUS ANGRY GHOSTS! I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT!” Then he screamed.
“Numerous angry ghosts?!” Pork Chop wailed. Jolene clapped a hand over his mouth.
“HEY-A, DON’T GO RUNNING TOWARDS THE DUNGEON!” Mario continued screaming, with a slightly hoarse voice. “I HAVE MORE GOOD NEWS!”
Another scream.
Toadette, Bowyer, and Captain Syrup furiously rattled the bars on their cells, but the others were oblivious. “Should we leave?” whimpered Vivian.
“Wah!” Marilyn cried.
They stared at her.
“Guh?” she said hesitantly.
There were a few moments of confusion, during which someone randomly did something-
“WHAT?!” Jolene roared.
“What?” Pork Chop asked, pausing in the middle of pulling out Beldam’s hair.
‘Someone randomly does something,’” Jolene spat. “That’s awful!”
They stared at her.
“Forget it.”
“LET ME OUT!” bellowed Captain Syrup from her cell. Grumbling, Jolene picked the locks with Luigi’s nose, and Toadette, Bowyer, and Captain Syrup, disheveled, dragged themselves into the main dungeon.
Unfortunately, this touching moment was interrupted by the entrance of the Black Yoshi, looking murderous. “Now,” he whispered, “I will destroy everyone who is not behind bars.”
“PUT ME BACK IN!” screeched Captain Syrup. “PUT ME BACK IN!”
“No,” said Bowyer.
To Be Continued...
| If you would like to send some feedback
to the author of this submission, please complete this form.
What's your name?
What's your Email address?
How do you rate this submission?
Does this submission belong in Little
Lemmy's Land?
Would you like to see more from this author? Comments and suggestions:
|
