Rivals to the Rescue

By zz1666

October 3, 2009

One early morning in Sub-con, Wart is sitting on his throne.

“More tea, Sir Wart?” asks Birdo.

“I’ll pass,” replies Wart.

Wart continues to sit in his throne. “Blast it,” says Wart. “That dumb brother of mine thinks he’s all that. Just because he’s pure Koopa, has seven kids, all pure Koopa as well, and gets to kidnap Peach, he thinks he’s all that. I hate him so much!“

In a fit of rage, Wart blasts a bubble at a picture on the wall, knocking it down, and starts stomping, causing dust to fall down from the ceiling.

“Good lord, please calm down, Wart,” says Birdo, who is barely able to stand up due to the shaking of the ground.

Wart stops his stomping. “Ugh, what can I do to show Bowser he isn’t all that?” thinks Wart.

Just then, Wart gets an idea. “I got the best idea ever!” shouts Wart.

“Wart getting an idea? This could be the biggest headline of the year,” says a news reporting Shy Guy in the building next to Wart’s.

“I’ll leave Sub-con and I’ll kidnap both Princess Peach and all of his Koopalings,” says Wart. “I’ll then have those Sub-con scientists invent a machine that will de-Koopafy them, and then Bowser won’t be able to kidnap Peach and he won’t be able to brag about having Koopalings. I’ll write a note and leave it at Bowser’s place so that he reads it, and when he comes here to rescue them, I’ll zap him with a laser beam also made by the scientists that will de-Koopafy Bowser as well; and then they’ll be pathetic frogs, and then I can take Bowser’s place, and I can have Peach!”

Wart head catches on fire from all that thinking he just did. “Wart, you’re on fire!” shouts Birdo.

“Yes, I know it’s a great idea,” says Wart.

“No, you’re literally on fire!” shouts Birdo.

Wart looks up to see a flame blazing from his head. “Ah!” shouts Wart.

Birdo grabs a bucket of water and dumps it on Wart’s head, putting out his flame.

“Thank you,” replies Wart. “Now, time for me to go tell those two scientists to start inventing.”

Wart gets up and walks out of his castle, and heads down the road to the lab where Sub-con scientists work. Wart enters. “Listen up!” shouts Wart.

All the scientists look up.

“I want you to create an invention that will turn Bowser and the Koopalings into frogs,” says Wart. “Be sure to make it laser form. Got that?”

All of the scientists nod their heads, showing that they understand Wart.

“All right,” says Wart. “Get to work.” Wart leaves the lab.

“Do you think Wart is going to kidnap the Koopalings?” asks a Shy Guy scientist.

“Are you kidding me?” asks another Shy Guy scientist. “Wart can’t even kidnap a blade of grass. How’s he supposed to kidnap the Koopalings?”

Back with Wart, he has just arrived back at his castle. When he enters, his gang is there.

“Yo Wart’sa,” says Mouser. “We’se heard yo gonna kidnap Peach ‘n the Koopaling.”

“Aye,” says Clawgrip. “And ye gonna turn them into frogs.”

“And you’re going to lure Bowser here and turn him into a frog as well,” adds Fryguy.

“Yes, that is all true,” replies Wart.

“Sweet,” says Triclyde. “This ought to be good.”

“Well what can we do to help yo?” asks Mouser.

“Hmm… Actually, you guys can come along with me, so that I can go get Peach while you guys can go get all the Koopalings.”

“So when are we leaving?” asks Clawgrip.

“In exactly 33 seconds,” says Wart.

“Why 33 seconds?” asks Fryguy.

“Because I said so,” answered Wart.

They all stand still until 33 seconds have passed.

“All right, let’s go,” says Wart.

“Hey, yo ain’t Mario,” replies Mouser.

“Only Mario says let’s go,” says Triclyde.

“So what?” replies Wart.

“It ain’t cool to be a wannabee,” says Mouser. “Besides, yo are much cooler than that, dude.”

“True,” says Wart. “I need my own catchphrase.”

“What shall it be?” asks Clawgrip.

“Let’s get this show on the road,” says Wart.

“Eh, good enough,” says Fryguy.

All five of them leave and get aboard Wart’s ship. They begin to takeoff. “Hey, wait up!” yells Birdo.

Birdo begins chasing the ship, and at the last minute, jumps on the ship and is hanging onto the front window.

“Ew, a bug,” says Wart. Wart presses a button and two giant windshield wipers go on and smack Birdo right off, and she falls right back down to the ground.

“Um, that was Birdo,” says Trycylde.

“… Oh,” says Wart.

Wart stops and flies the ship back down to where Birdo landed. “There you are, Birdo,” says Wart. “What took you so long?”

“You whacked me off the ship!” shouts Birdo.

“Don’t blame me for your mistakes,” says Wart. “Now get on. We’re wasting time.”

Birdo climbs back on the ship, and it takes off again.

After a few hours of flying, they reach the Mushroom Kingdom. Wart crashlands the ship into the ground, killing a few Toads.

“Nice landing,” says Fryguy.

“Thank you,” replies Wart. “Nobody can land a ship better than me!”

“Um… He was being sarcastic,” says Mouser.

“Whatever,” says Wart. “Let’s not waste time. You guys go kidnap the Koopalings. You can grab some nets in the back of the ship. I’m off to go get Peach. Be back here in no more than an hour.”

Wart leaves, while his gang head to Bowser’s Castle.

“Well, time to get Peach,” says Wart. Wart goes through the woods near Toad Town, and emerges behind the castle. “Now I need to find a secret way in,” says Wart.

Wart looks up to see an open window. He can hear Peach’s voice coming from up there. “I’ll just use that window,” says Wart. Wart attempts to jump up, but he fails miserably. “Aw come on,” says Wart. “I’m a frog but I can’t even jump? What is this?”

Wart tries again. He jumps about a centimeter higher, but when he lands, he causes the castle to shake, and Peach falls from her window right into Wart’s arms. “That was convenient,” says Wart.

“Ah, Wart!” shouts Peach.

“Heh-heh, you’re coming with me,” says Wart.

Wart covers her mouth and begins to run back to his crashed ship, carrying Peach in his arms.

Meanwhile, Wart’s gang have just reached castle Koopa.

“All right dogs, this is the place,” says Mouser.

“Now all we have to do is find the Koopalings,” says Clawgrip.

“You got the nets?” asks Fryguy.

“I got them all,” says Triclyde.

“Look, it’s the Koopalings!” shouts Birdo. Everyone looks to see the Koopalings out in front of the castle.

“Les’ get them!” shouts Mouser.

The five of them rush over to the Koopalings.

“Hey, who are those figures?” asks Larry. The Koopalings look over to see 5 figures moving.

“It’s those dang Koopa Bros,” says Roy.

“Man, those guys are annoying,” says Morton.

“Well, let’s hope they only stay here for a little,” says Wendy.

When the figures move closer, they see that the figures are members of Wart’s gang. “Hey, those aren’t the Koopa Bros,” says Iggy,

“Aren’t they from Sub-con?” asks Lemmy.

Triclyde throws a net that traps Morton in it. “Haha, someone caught a big mouth!”  laughs Roy.

“Don’t laugh, my low-IQ brother,” says Ludwig. “Those guys ar-”

Before Ludwig can finish, he gets trapped in a net with Roy. “Aww, what a cute couple,” says Iggy.

While Iggy is laughing, he gets trapped in a net as well. Larry, Lemmy, and Wendy soon get trapped as well.

“Nice job, guys,” says Mouser. “We caught ‘em all.”

“Well, you gotta catch em’ all,” says Clawgrip.

“Yay, we caught all the Pokemon!” exclaims Fryguy.

“More like all the Koopalings,” says Triclyde.

“Well, regardless, we’d better get back to the ship,” says Birdo.

The five of them pick up the nets and walk back to the ship, where they see Wart is in the process of tying up Peach in rope. “Nice job, you got them all!” cheers Wart.

“And I see you got Peach too,” says Fryguy.

“Well, now that we got everyone, I need to write a little note to Bowser,” says Wart.

Wart pulls out a pen and a piece of paper, and begins to scribble down a few words. It reads:

Greetings Loser,

This is the top man in town , your kick butt brother, Wart, and I have kidnapped your Koopalings and Princess Peach. If you want them back, come back to Sub-con and get them. Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is all.


“Wow, I ought to be a writer,” says Wart. “Well, time to drop this by Bowser’s place. Everyone on the ship!”

“Um, yo wrecked up yo ship,” says Mouser.

Wart turns to see that his ship is crashed in the ground. “We’ll just use my backup ship,” says Wart. Wart presses a button, and a hatch on the ship’s rear opens, and another ship comes out.

“Why do you have a ship on your ship?” asks Clawgrip.

“Because since I’m so good at landing ships, they seem to break whenever I land them, so I always carry a backup,” explains Wart.

“Does your backup have a backup?” asks Birdo.

“Of course,” replies Wart. “Now everyone, onto the backup ship!”

All of them get on the ship with their captives, and the ship begins to fly away. When the ship is flying directly above Bowser’s Castle, Wart throws the letter out the window. However, the wind blows the letter away, and it conveniently lands halfway between Bowser’s Castle and Mario’s house. They reach Sub-con just as morning approaches.

Meanwhile back in the Mushroom Kingdom, the Toads realize that disaster has struck and Peach has been kidnapped. Toad is sent as usual to tell Mario.

“Hey Mario, you know the drill,” says Toad as he runs into Mario’s house.

“Oh man, not again,” says Mario.

“Yup, I’m afraid so,” says Toad.

“So Luigi, I take it you’ll be staying home to knit like always,” says Mario.

“Hey, I don’t knit!” shouts Luigi. “I do lots of things when you’re out on an adventure.”

“Like what?” asks Mario.

“I do laundry and watch reality television,” says Luigi.

“How exciting,” Mario says sarcastically.

“Just go, Mario,” says Toad. “Might as well start on this one right away.”

“I guess so,” replies Mario. “See you guys later!” Mario runs out of the house in the direction of Bowser’s Castle.

“So…” starts Toad.

“You want to watch Wipeout today with me?” asks Luigi.

“Oh boy, do I ever!” exclaims Toad.

Not only has disaster struck the Mushroom Kingdom, but it has also stuck Castle Koopa. Bowser is just waking up when Kamek runs into his room.

“Hey, it’s too early for this!” shouts Bowser.

“But King Bowser, the Koopalings are gone!” yelled Kamek.

“Good,” replies Bowser. “Now maybe we can get some peace and quiet.”

“No, Bowser,” says Kamek. “They’re not only gone. They’ve been kidnapped.”

“Gasp, the dreaded K word,” says Bowser. “Who were they kidnapped by?”

“Mario,” whispers Kamek.

Suddenly Bowser jumps out of bed in a fit of rage.

“That no-good plumber!” shouts Bowser. “He’s trying to get revenge on me! He’s making me come chase him! I’m going to kill that plumber when I see him!”

Bowser runs (yes, he can, in fact, run) out of the castle and begins heading for Mario’s house. When the two are exactly halfway between the two locations, they cross paths.

“Bowser,” murmurs Mario in hatred.

“Mario,” murmurs Bowser in hatred.

When the two pass each other, they realize who they just passed, and turn around.

“Hey Bowser, where do you think you’re going?” asks Mario.

“I’m going to get back my Koopalings that you kidnapped from me,” says Bowser.

“Why would I want them?” asks Mario. “Besides, I don’t have your stinking Koopalings. Now give Peach back and we can make this easy.”

“Why in the world would I have Peach?” asks Bowser.

“Uh, because you like her,” says Mario.

Bowser begins to blush. “I do not!” shouts Bowser.

“Really?” asks Mario.

“… Fine, but even so, I didn’t kidnap her,” says Bowser.

“Then who did?” asks Mario.

“I don’t know,” says Bowser. “Now who kidnapped my Koopalings?”

“Well who would want them?” asks Mario.

“That I haven’t figured out, but it must be someone with a motive,” says Bowser.

Just then Mario notices a crumbled piece of paper on the ground. He bends over and picks it up. He tries to read it, but the writing is too messy. “Hey Bowser, I can’t read the writing on this note,” says Mario. “Can you try to make out what it says?”

“I guess so,” replies Bowser. “So hand it over to me.”

Mario hands the note to Bowser.

“It reads,” starts Bowser, “Greetings Loser, This is the top man in town , your kick butt brother, Wart, and I have kidnapped your Koopalings and Princess Peach. If you want them back, come back to Sub-con and get them. Ha. Ha. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That is all. Wart.”

“Oh man, Wart is behind all of this,” says Mario. “And he is a horrible writer!”

“That no-good loser!” shouts Bowser. “He’s trying to take my job of kidnapping the princess.”

“I hate to say it, Bowser, but I think we have to team up again in order to get back Peach and the Koopalings,” says Mario.

“Aw, but it went so awful in Superstar Saga,” says Bowser. “I got possessed, for crying out loud.”

“Well we aren’t going into unfamiliar territory,” says Mario. “Besides, I know Sub-con pretty well. Don’t you?”

“Yeah, of course,” says Bowser. “I’ve been there plenty of times.”

“So what do you say, Bowser, team up to take down Wart?” asks Mario.

“Definutely,” says Bowser.

Mario and Bowser smile and shake hands. “Just like old times, huh?” says Mario.

“It brings back unpleasant memories for me,” says Bowser. “So, let’s get back to my castle so we can take the Koopa Cruiser.”

“No way,” says Mario. “We always take the Koopa Cruiser.”

“Well what’s your method of transportation?” asks Bowser.

“The Yoshis,” says Mario.

“Fine, I’ll give those dumb dinos a try,” says Bowser.

“All right then,” says Mario. “To Yoshi’s Island!”

Mario and Bowser begin heading to Yoshi’s Island.

Back in Sub-con, Wart and his crew are bringing the captives into the lab.

“What are you going to do with us, Uncle Wart?” asks Lemmy.

“And why are we stuck in these nets?” asks Iggy.

“If we’re going to be stuck in these any longer, I wish for my own net, as Roy smells horribly,” says Ludwig.

“It’s nice being so close to you,” says Roy. Roy gives Ludwig a jab in the face.

“All those questions will be answered in mere minutes,” says Wart.

Wart walks into the room with the Sub-con scientists. “So is my invention done yet?” asks Wart.

“Uh, well, you see, we didn’t really think you’d succeed in kidnapping the Koopalings…” says a Shy Guy. “So uh, we haven’t really started it.”

“What?!” shouts Wart in rage. “You guys get to work now. We have to have this invention done by the time Bowser gets here. Now get to work!”

The scientists start to work on the invention.

“As for you guys,” says Wart, who is facing his crew, “Bowser ought to be arriving soon. I want you guys to go out there and try to defeat him. It would be best if we could get him here hurt. The weaker he is, the easier it will be to do you-know-what to him.”

“Yo can count on me,” says Mouser.

“No problem, Captain,” says Clawgrip.

“I won’t let him get here without getting hurt,” says Fryguy.

“He’s toast,” says Triclyde.

“French toast,” says Birdo.

The five of them leave the lab.

Read on!

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