Bowser’s One Chance at Love

By Yellow Yoshi

Bowser: Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!

Lemmy: Dad, calm down-

Bowser: Don't tell me to calm down! If you and Glasses Malone hadn't ruined my chances, I wouldn't be in this mess!!!!

Lemmy: Glasses Malone?

Bowser: Oh, I need to think of something!

*knock knock*

Bowser: WHAT?!

Lady: Oh! Oh!

Bowser: Oh no! Oh no!

Lady: Is that how you treat all your guests?

Bowser: Oh! I'm so sorry! I thought you were someone else. I didn't mean to-

Lady: No, it's okay. So...

Bowser: Hehe, so...

Lady: Do you, wanna go on a date?

Bowser: (stammering, knees wobbling) YES!! YES!!

Lady: *giggle*

Bowser: Uh! I mean, that sounds nice.

Lady: Great! Here's my number. Call me!

Bowser: Okay!

Lady: Bye!

Bowser: Bye!

The door closes behind her.

Bowser: *sigh*

Lemmy: My work here is done. Good job, Dad.

Bowser: Thanks, Lemmy.

The next day...

Bowser: Doo doo doo da!

Lemmy: Hey uh, Dad, can I talk to you for a second?

Bowser: Sure. What ya need?

Lemmy: Well, it's just that me and Iggy are going on a double date with Kissy and Cherry tonight, and we were wondering if we could go to
the same restaurant as you and the lady?

Bowser: I don't see why not, so yeah, sure.

Lemmy: Cool!

Lemmy leaves the room.

Bowser: Doo doo doo dee...


Iggy: I must make this funny! Oh, hey Lemmy.

Lemmy: Dad said we can go to the same restaurant as him.

Iggy: Oh cool!

Later again...

Bowser: Okay, do I look good?

Lemmy: Yep, what about me?

Bowser: Good.

Iggy: And me?

Lemmy: Excellent.

Bowser: All right, they said they would meet us there. So let's go!

Lemmy: Woo!

Iggy: Woo!

All: Woo!

The three leave. Wendy enters the room.

Wendy: Koopalings! Assemble!

The remaining Koopalings assemble in the main room.

Wendy: Now Daddy has decided to take this <i>fissy</i> and <i>veluvenous skunkbag</i> on a date. I can't let that happen.

Larry: Why?

Wendy: Because, <i>I'm</iD daddy's favorite girl! And always will be!

Ludwig: So...  what does that have to do with us?

Wendy: You guys are gonna help me DESTROY their date!

Roy: Oh no! Nonnonononononononooooo! I'm not taking orders from a-

Wendy: Do as I say or I will turn you into frogs!!!

Larry: Yeah, turn us into the shape of your face.


Larry: *ribbit*

Wendy: Ya see? It's too late for Larry. Now who ELSE wants to join their friend?!

*cricket, cricket*

Wendy: Good! Now here's the plan: We use walkie-talkies to communicate with each other. We’ll hide behind bushes and snatch food from
off of trays. Then we throw them at that skunkbag! Are we clear?

Koopalings: Yes!

Wendy: Good! Now let's go!

At the restaurant....

Bowser: Two, please.

Waiter: Okay, right this way.

Lemmy: Two, please.

Waiter: This way.

Iggy: Two, please.

Waiter: Right through there.

Man: One, please.

Waiter: Oh, this restaurant is for couples only.

Man: I'm dating myself.

Waiter: What? Man, get outta here!

Man: *scoffs* Come on, me! We don't need this place.

Waiter: ?

At the table…

Bowser: So, what's your name?

Lady: Tammy.

Bowser: Ooh! Nice name.

Tammy: Yeah, my mother named me that because I had sharp claws as a baby.

Bowser: Interesting. Well, my name is Bowser.

Tammy: Nice name. How'd you get it?

Bowser: Oh, my dad said it had something to do with the word fire.

Tammy: Cool.

To Lemmy...

Lemmy: So he only does ten reps and took a picture of Wendy. But he's my brother, and I love him. As a brother.

Kissy: That is sooo sweet!

Lemmy: Yeah well- *bap* Ah!

Kissy: Lemmy! What happened!

Lemmy: I- I dunno! I think I got hit by a meatball! Oh man, my-

Roy: *psst!* *psst!* Lemmy! Over here!

Lemmy: Roy?

Roy: SHHHHHH!!! Come here!

Kissy: Is that your-

Lemmy: I gotta go. Just one second...

Lemmy runs to Roy.

Lemmy: What?!

Roy: You gotta help me!

Lemmy: Why?!

Roy: Wendy's running an operation to shut down Dad's date!

Lemmy: So?!

Roy: She'll turn us into frogs if we don't do as she says! You gotta help me escape!

Lemmy: Okay, well, here's an inflated Lemmy costume. Put it on.

Roy: Yes!

Lemmy: And it comes with a ball, so if she sees you she’ll think it's me considering the fact that she knows I have a date too.

Roy: Thank yo- Wait!

Lemmy: What?!

Roy: I don't know how to roll!

Lemmy: It rolls manually!


To Wendy...

Wendy: Where is he? Wait... is that Lemmy? Wow, what did he eat?

To Bowser...

Tammy: So do you have a job?

Bowser: Well, no. I try out for jobs but people misjudge me.

Tammy: Oh.

Bowser: Do you have one?

Tammy: Well sometimes I volunteer at the zoo, but in general, no.

Bowser: What about kids?

Tammy: Nope.

Bowser: Oh.

Tammy: Um, I kinda miscounted yours at the market, so how many do you have?

Bowser: Seven.

Tammy: Oh... Do you have a wife?

Bowser: No. They’re my parents’ children. They were somehow held back as babies and didn't grow until my parents died.

Tammy: Interesting.

Bowser: (That's what I want <i>YOU</i> to think )

Tammy: So uh, when do you think they'll bring us our food?

Bowser: Oh, I don't know. This restaurant is kinda slow. If we’re lucky it'll be a Christmas present.

Both laugh.

Meanwhile with Wendy...

Wendy: Look at them, laughing it up over there. I bet they’re talking about what a loser I am!

Ludwig: I don't think they’re talking about you-

Wendy: Shut it!


Ludwig: Ow!

Wendy: Fire!

Ludwig: I'm the only one here.

Wendy: Where's Moron?

Ludwig: At the castle with Larry.

Wendy: Where's Roy?!

Ludwig: Oh, he left about an hour ago. Via costume.

Wendy: Grrr... Well do you have the target?

Ludwig: I do, on Iggy.

Wendy: No! On Dad!

Ludwig: Haha! He's sticking spaghetti up his nose!


Ludwig: Owch!

Wendy: Focus!

Ludwig: They’re just talking.

Wendy: Hit him anyway!

To Bowser...

Bowser: And then the guy tells me to "smell his gas".

Tammy: He musta had a bad day or something.

Bowser: So that just proves- *bap* Owch!

Tammy: What the?!

Bowser: Ooh! Ooh! My belly!

Tammy: Are you all right?

Bowser: Yeah, what hit me?

Tammy: Looks like a meatball.

Bowser: Oh. My shirt! Imma go clean this a little.

Tammy: Okay.

Bowser leaves the table.

Wendy: She's there by herself, when I say go, we ambush her. I'll pie her, and you squirt her with mayonnaise!

Ludwig: Cool! This is fun!

Back to the table...

Tammy:: (humming) Oh! Hello, little one! You scared me for a second. You’re one of Bowser's children, right?

Wendy: That's right! His favorite one.


Tammy: *gasp*

Wendy: Mayo!


Ludwig: Haha!

Tammy: *gasp* What are you doing?!

Wendy: Run!

Bowser: Ugh! *gasp* Tammy!

Bowser runs to Tammy.

Bowser: Tammy, what hap-

Tammy: You need to learn how to control your children!

Bowser: Iggy and Lemmy?

Tammy: I don't know! The one with the bow! And dark blue hair!

Bowser: Wendy and Ludwig?

Tammy: Don't! Just stay away from me!

Tammy storms out of the restaurant.

Bowser: Oh my gosh.

Bowser starts crying.

At Castle Koopa...

Bowser: You too goovers messed up my date with the only girl I ever wanted!!! Now she won't talk to me ever again!! You guys are gonna
stay in this dungeon forever!!!

Wendy and Ludwig: *sniffle*  Yes Daddy.

Bowser: *gibberish*

The next day...


Bowser: Hello? *gasp*

Tammy: Hey.

Bowser: Listen, I'm so sorry about-

Tammy: No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell, I just didn't expect to get pied in the face like that.

Bowser: But I'm also sorry, I didn't even know they had followed me. It won't happen again.

Tammy: Maybe we can try again tonight. Same restaurant.

Bowser: Really? Wow, you’re awesome!

Tammy: Thank you!

Bowser: You know what? I have a better place we can go.

Tammy: Really? Where?

Bowser: It's a surprise. I can pick you up and take you there.

Tammy: Okay! Here's my address. Call me!

Bowser: Oh, I will!

Tammy: See you tonight at eight.

Bowser: Okay then. Bye.

Tammy: Bye.


Bowser: *sigh* I am one lucky man.

To Be Continued...

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