Bowser’s One Chance at Love

By Yellow Yoshi

Chapter One

At Koopa Mart...

Larry: Onions.

Bowser: Why those?

Larry: They're healthy.

Lemmy: And stinky.

Bowser: Yeah, but why in lasagna?

Larry: I'm just sayin’...

Wendy: Last time you were "just sayin’", we had Greasy Macaroni.

Larry: Don't start with me, Wendy! I just washed my hair!

Both start arguing…

Wendy: -look like peachfuzz-

Larry: -smell like macaroni-

Lemmy: And they're off.

Bowser: Stop arguing! We’re in public! Argue at home!

They stop.

Bowser: Thank you! What's next?

Ludwig: Pasta layers.

Bowser: Where are they?

Ludwig: Pasta aisle. All our ingredients should be there.

They walk to aisle pasta.

Bowser: Layers... layers... lay- Ooof!

Bowser ran into someone.

Lady: Oh! I'm so sorry!

Bowser: No, it’s my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going.

Lady: No harm done.

The lady goes someplace.

Bowser: Hmm, I wonder who that was.

Lemmy: Hey Daaaaaaad…

Bowser: What?

Lemmy: 9 out of 10?

Bowser: Lemmy! We don't rate women in public!

Lemmy: Aw come on Dad, you know you crushin'.

Bowser: Yeah...

Ludwig: I found all we need.

Bowser: Cool.

At Castle Koopa...

Iggy: So Dad, who's this girl you were digging at the mark-

Bowser: No one! No one!

Iggy: Oooh! I'm sorry if I offend-

Bowser: No, it’s nothing. Just get ready for dinner.

Iggy leaves.

Bowser: Phew!

Larry (in a distant room): Gimme back my flower!

Roy (with Larry): Ha ha! Fat chance, squirt!

Larry: Ok.

The flower is poisonous.


Larry: Ha!

Bowser: Dinner!

At the table...

Wendy: Lasagna and *sniff* trash?

Bowser: Spinach.

Larry: Yay!

Others: Awww!

Bowser: Oh well. I didn't cook.

Chef: Bowser told me everyone has gained a pound, so I made a healthy side dish.

Iggy: Dad said WHAT?!

Bowser: Heh heh. Oh yeah.

Wendy: I hate spinach!

Larry: You hate every vegetable!

Wendy: Shut up, Parry!

Larry: It’s Larry!

Wendy: Aw, who cares!

Larry: You tell me chocolate rings!

They resume arguing.

Larry: -go on a diet-

Wendy: -smell like grass-

Bowser: Guys. stop!

They stop.

Bowser: Geez! Can't you two stop arguing for one day?!

Wendy: I can if flower boy doesn't keep mouthing off!

Larry: And if chocolate-filled brat doesn't make a complaint about my likes!

Bowser: Don't! Don't! Just eat your peas!

Larry: Spinach?

Bowser: I don't care!

Lemmy: Wow, that woman has really got you worked up, Dad.

Bowser: !@#$%^&*($%@^#*$%)!@&#%$*@^$*%^@^@^$*%-

Larry and Wendy go back to arguing. Lemmy and Iggy eat and go to their rooms. Roy throws spinach at Ludwig, who ducks and it hits Morton, who starts blabbing. Bowser keeps stammering.

Chapter Two

Iggy walks into Bowser's room.

Iggy: Hey Dad…

Bowser: Zzzz...

Iggy: Dad!

Bowser: Zz- Wha?! Oh.

Iggy: Are you ok?

Bowser: Whadda you mean?

Iggy: Well after that outburst last night your head must be hurting.

Bowser: No, it’s fine.

Iggy: Oh.

Bowser: Tell your siblings we’re going to the mall today.

Iggy: K.

Iggy leaves. In Lemmy's room...

Iggy: Lemmy!

Lemmy: Zzzz...

Iggy: Lemmy!

Lemmy: Aaah! Oh. Yes?

Iggy: Dad told me to tell everyone we’re going to the mall today.

Lemmy: Ooookaaaay, why couldn't he tell us himself?

Iggy: I dunno.

Lemmy: Oh.

To Wendy's room...

Iggy: Wendy!

Wendy: *sleep talking* Stupid Larry.

Iggy: Wendy!

Wendy: Greasy macaroni.

Iggy: WENDY!!!

Wendy: Cheesy. Not greasy. Dumb Mohawk.

Iggy: WENDAY!!!

Wendy: Zzzz...

Iggy: Stupid brat.

Wendy: What did you call me?

Iggy: Ha! You were awake!

Wendy: ?

Iggy leaves. Later...

Bowser: Kids!

The Koopalings come downstairs.

Iggy: Yes Dad?

Bowser: Time to go to the mall.

Lemmy: So you can hit on that girl again?

Wendy: Oooooo! Daddy hits girls!

Lemmy: No, that's just a phrase people use to replace "flirt".

Wendy: Oh. Well I gotta go potty.

All: Ew!

Ludwig: Thank you for telling us.

Wendy: You’re welcome.

Ludwig: (That was sarcasm, dummy.)

Larry: Let me go first, I gotta wiz.

Wendy: Ladies first!

Larry: Lady? Lady?! Whatever you are ain't nowhere near a lady!

Wendy: You take that back!

Both get back to arguing.

Larry: -stink up the bathroom-

Wendy: -miss on the seat-

Bowser: Stop!

They stop.

Bowser: Geez Luize! Flip a coin!

Larry: Heads!

Wendy: Yeah, pick the side of the part you don't have! Tails!

Larry: Yeah, pick the part you keep on showin’ to get boys’ attention!

Bowser: Flip it!


Wendy: Tails! Ha!

Wendy goes to the bathroom.

Larry: Make sure you spray!

Ten minutes later...


Wendy: Aaahhhh!!!

Larry: Now I gotta go. *sniff* Got! Koopa! Dang! Aww! It smells! Aww! *sniff* Man! Spray!

Wendy: All I did was -

Larry: I've never in my LIFE smelt something so foul!

Bowser: Just use the bathroom!

Larry: I'm not going in there! I'll wiz at the mall!

Bowser: Let's go.

At the mall...

Lemmy: Ya see her yet?

Bowser: No. Oooh! There she is!

Lemmy: Oh yeah! Wait, she's in Pretty Patty Koopa.

Bowser: So?

Lemmy: You said you would never step foot in that store again.

Bowser: Yeah, I know. If she sees me she'll know I'm a man.

Lemmy: *giggle*

Bowser: What?

Lemmy: A man?! *laughter*

Bowser: I can be one!

Lemmy: Ha ha ha! Oh! Geez! Oh! That's funny.

Bowser: Whatever. I'm goin in!

In the store...

Bowser: (through walkie talkie) Lemmy, do you read?

Lemmy: (through walkie talkie) Loud and clear.

Bowser: I have visual on object.


Bowser: What the?

Bowser stares at Lemmy's bush to see he is getting beaten up by two website fans.

Lemmy: My foot!

Lady: Oh, whose children are those? They should be ashamed of themselves!

Bowser: *gulp* Here I go…

Lady: Shoes, shoes, oooh!

Bowser: Waauugghhh! Oh! I'm so sorry!

Lady: No, it’s ok. Aren't you that guy from the pasta aisle?

Bowser: Hmm? Oh! Yeah! Must be running into a lot of familiar people.

Lady: Yeah. So what's a guy like you doing in a women's store?

Bowser: Oh, just getting shoes for my daughter.

Lady: Her birthday?

Bowser: Uh, yeah.

Lemmy: (still through talkie) Dad! You got the target yet?

Lady: Is that a-

Bowser: Oh no, it’s just a- *fake cough* Abort mission!

Lady: I'll see ya ‘roun-

Bowser: Yeah! Yeah!

Lady: Ok.

The lady goes someplace.

Bowser: *sigh* I'm an idiot.


Lemmy: *chewing* So, how'd it go?

Bowser: I made myself look like an idiot.

Lemmy: Oh. Man! These nuggets are cold! Dang food court!

Ludwig: Then go get some more.

Lemmy: Nah. I'll just have some of my STALE FRIES!!!

Ludwig: ...

Bowser: Where is that from-

Peach comes flying out of nowhere and lands on the table.

Peach: Ouch!


Daisy chops the table in half.

Peach: Get away!

Daisy: No!

The two fight away.

Iggy: My taco!

Roy: My burrito!

Ludwig: My electro byte fish chips!

Everyone stares at Ludwig.

Ludwig: ...

Roy: Eat a d-

Peach: AAAHHHH!!!

Daisy: Get your finger outta my nose!

Peach: No! Eat your boogers!

Peach puts her finger in Daisy's mouth.

Daisy: *belch*

Peach: Ew!

Daisy: *toot*

Lemmy: My nuggets!

Peach: *frint*

Wendy: My face!

Bowser: Let's leave!

Koopalings: Ok!

At Castle Koopa...

Bowser: I messed up! I messed up! I messed-

*knock knock*

Bowser: Hello- AAAAHHHH!!!

Lady: Aaaahhhh!

Bowser: Oh! Sorry!

Lady: No, it’s ok.

Bowser: Hoo! We just keep seeing each other today, huh?

Lady: Yeah, I guess so.

Bowser: So... whatcha need?

Lady: Oh! Wrong house!

Bowser: Hmm?

Lady: I got the wrong address. Bye!

Bowser: Bye.

The lady leaves, the door closing behind her.

Bowser: *sigh*



Bowser: OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!! What was that for?!

Lemmy: You should've made your move.

Bowser: Grrr.

Lemmy: ?


Lemmy: !

Chapter Three

Bowser: So ya have any history?

Lemmy: She goes to the mall every Saturday, visits the zoo every month's second Monday, and likes pets.

Bowser: Good. Today is the second Monday, so... *clears throat* Kids!

The kids come downstairs.

Iggy: Yes?

Ludwig: I'm tired.

Bowser: We're going to the zoo.

Wendy: I hate the zoo!

Larry: You hate everything, stinky!

Wendy: I'm not talking to you.

Iggy: Why are we going?

Bowser: What? A man can't take his kids someplace?

Lemmy: He wants to-

Bowser: See the animals!

Roy: Or talk to that girl.

Bowser: What he said.

Iggy: I don't see why you can't just ask her out.

Bowser: It's different for adults.

Morton: Parrots! Talk! Talk! Talk!

Bowser: Let's go.

At the zoo...

Guy: Welcome to the-

Bowser: Shut up!


Bowser: Let's go!

Morton: Monkey! Monkey! Ook! Ook!

Larry: Let's go see some zoo plants.

Bowser: You guys go wherever you want. I'm searching for that woman.

Lemmy: I'll go too.

Iggy: Me too.


Bowser: Ya see her yet?

Lemmy: No...

Iggy: There she is!

Bowser and Lemmy: Where?!

Iggy: At the gate.

Gate: Hey!

Iggy: Shut up!

Gate: ...

Bowser: Here I go... again.

Lemmy: One step at a time!

Iggy: Ask her out!

At the fountain...

Lady: *slurp*

Bowser: *whistle*

Lady: Ew! That's nasty water!

Bowser: O.O

Lady: Oh we- Woah!

Bowser: Gah!

Lady: How come I keep seeing you everywhere I go?

Bowser: Must be a coincidence.

Lady: Hmm. If I didn't know any better I would think you were following me.

Bowser: Heh heh.

The lady leaves.

Bowser: Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Why can't I do this?!

Lady: ?

Bowser: *sigh*

At the monkey exhibit...

Wendy: *sigh* Why am I here?

Monkey: Ook! Ook!

Wendy: Stupid monkey.

Monkey (in a costume): Ook! Ook!

Wendy: No brains.

The monkey takes his costume head off.

Guy: Listen, buddy, I don't wanna be here as much as you do.

Wendy: ? I'm outta here! Cheap production!

In the bush...

Lemmy: How'd it go?

Bowser: I failed... again.

Iggy: You should've asked her out.

Peach walks by.

Bowser: Peach?

Peach: Hmm? Who said that?

Bowser: Me!

Peach: Did that bush talk?

Bowser: No! Me! Bowser!

Peach: -_- *gasp* Oh no!

Bowser: No! Wait!

Peach: Not you! Don't take me! Aaahhh!!!

Bowser: No! Wait! Gah!

Peach runs away.

Bowser: Darn!

Lemmy: You don't know how to do it.

Daisy walks by.

Lemmy: Psst! Daisy!

Daisy: Hmm? Oh. You.

Lemmy: Yeah. Bowser needs you.

Daisy: Bo- *gasp* Not today! Not me!

Bowser: I don't want to take you!

Daisy: Oh.

Bowser: Go over there and find out what that woman likes!

Daisy: What goes behind that?

Bowser: *sigh* Please.

Daisy: Sure!

Ten minutes later...

Lady: Get outta here!

Daisy: AAAHHH!!! I'm sorry!!!

Lady: Weirdo!

Bowser: *gasp*

Lady: Are you... in that... bush?

Bowser: Uh... uh...

Lady: This is weird.

Bowser: Uh... Yeah-


Bowser: *squeal*

Lady: Oh my! Is... that... true?

Bowser: Uh! No! He's had too much lemonade!

Lemmy: He does! He does! He- MMMPPHH!!!

Bowser: No!

Iggy: Yes!

Bowser: No!

Lemmy: *lick*

Bowser: Ew!

Lemmy: Yes!

Iggy: Yes!

Both: He wants to ask you out!

Bowser starts crying.

Lemmy: He follows your profile on Koopbook!

Bowser: Waaaannnhhhh!!!

Iggy: He spies on you to know when to talk to you!

Bowser: *sob*

Lemmy: Yep. He has a crush on you.

Iggy: He rated you 10 out of 10 at the Koopa mart.

Lady: Well if you wanted to ask me out you could've just said so.

Iggy: Told ya! Shake my bootay! Shake shake shake my bootay!

Bowser: *sniff*

The lady walks away.

Bowser: *sniff* Why me?


Wendy: You smell like potato salad!

Larry: You smell like foot!

Wendy: You smell like onion!

Larry: You smell like petunia!

They continue arguing…

To Be Continued...

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