---Chapter 7--
Then it bounces off of him, onto the heads of Peach, Luigi, and one of those blue candy-cane things. Both the magikoopa and the candy-cane thing get a bump on their heads. In all the falling and bonking and who-ha, the magikoopa drops its glasses.
Mario: "Ouch. What-a the Shroom?"
??? (with stars over head and staggering about): "Hold on there. I'm not done with you yet. HAH! Now I've got you!"
It's grabbed hold of the injured candy-cane thing.
?: "Um, I'm over here. And who are you anyway?"
It straightens up and looks towards Mario's general direction (it's about a yard off, staring at the tree.)
"I'm glad you asked! I'm an Orange Magikoopa, 3rd class! White-belt in Koopa Karate! Master of the Bibliotic Cave! Retinally challenged! Master of Deduction, also known by its other name, COMMON SENSE! I AM... VELMA!"
[Author's Note: See if you can spot all the irony in that]
:| "No really, what's your name?"
Velma: "THAT IS MY NAME!"
She's yelling at sheep-Luigi.
"Oh...kaaay then, Velma, what are you doing here?"
"I have been sent to prevent you from learning about our plan."
"Whose plan?"
"The magikoopas', ofcourse! But you're not supposed to know that!"
"Are you normally like this?
"Not usually. it must have been me hitting this tree *she points at sheep-Peach* that did it. But now we must fight!"
"No thanks. I don't ever fight injured peop- er, creatures. The one time I did, I felt sorry for the little guy. But he could have used his wings, so I didn't feel too bad for him."
"... What are you even talking about? Whatever! Prepare to fight!"
She goes into a fighting stance... still facing the tree. She punches the tree. A sleeping blue sheep falls out of it onto her, wakes up, and then runs away.
"Ummm... What are you doing?"
"Giving you the beating of a lifetime!"
She punches the tree again. The tree takes one damage-waitwhat?
"AHA!"
"Um... You are aware that's not me?"
"Now you're making fun of my retinal affliction?! DIE!"
She punches the tree again again. The tree defends-okwhatisthisidon'teven...?
"I shall defeat you yet!"
She punches the tree one more time. The tree, now ticked off (red tinged and with that one x-shape, you know what I'm talking about), smacks her flying into next Tuesday.
"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS MARIOOOOOOOooooo."*shing*
"Oh kay-a then...."
Mario looks back at the tree, now back to normal.
"Maybe I am-a going crazy."
“baaah.”
"Shut up, Luigi, I was not already crazy. And who in their right mind would name their child Velma?"
“baaah.”
"Anyway, let's get back to walking. I think I might know a way to find out how to get to Dark Land."
Mario picks up Peach (carrying her on his back, with her forelegs draped over his shoulders), and then Luigi (since he's slightly smaller, Mario carries him between his body and his arm, like a barrel), and, after picking up the magikoopa's glasses, starts walking back to Toad Town.
~Where else?~
The magikoopa that was talking to Kamek walks back into what is now revealed to be Kamek's headquarters or something, I don't know. I'ma just call it a lair, 'cause it's in a cave.
Magikoopa: "Um, sir?"
Kamek: "Let me guess, she failed?"
"Uhh..."
"YOU GOT TO #$%- wait, no. I should have expected failure from a lowly minion such as-"
WHUMP
"What was that?!"
"Let me check." The magikoopa walks away. "We got mail from King Moron."
The Magikoopa hands a letter to Kamek.
"Hmmm...interesting." Throws the letter away. "And by interesting, I mean how did he get mail here? His Paratroopas aren't smart enough to get past our defenses."
~Outside the cave~
There is a Goomba squashed head-first against the cave's entrance.
Goomba: "I am in SO much pain right now."
~Back in the lair~
Kamek: "Ok. I know I'm probably going to eat my words, but I don't think that Mario will be able to relocate the entrance to Dark Land, let alone our cave system."
Magikoopa: "But, sir, I thought it was a mile wide?"
"INCONSEQUENTIAL! That Mario Mario is a moron. He'll never find this cave."
"If you say so, sir."
---Chapter 8---
~Russ T.'s House, West Toad Town~
Mario enters the door and, without even looking at Russ T. the sheep, goes to look at the bookshelf.
Mario: "Hi, Russ. So, you're a sheep, too. I need to look at your books for an entrance to Dark Land. Any ideas or helpful info?"
Russ T. the sheep: "Baaaaah."
"Yes, You're a sheep, I know. Just asking to be nice. Do you ever even organize your books?"
"Bah."
"So that's a "no". At least now I know what a "no" sounds like coming from a sheep. Hopefully I don't have to remember that for lo- FOUND IT!"
Mario pulls out An Idiot's Guide to Dark Land, and starts flipping through it.
"Ok, let's see...'The Economy of Dark Land: Gimme Your Money', 'The Ecosystem of Dark Land: Everything dies.', "The EGOsyststem of Dark Land: I RULE!', nope, nope, nope, no-HERE IT IS! 'Directions to Dark Land.'... 'Forget you all, I'm not doing/writing anything that's liable to help that pudgy pesky plumber get to my place again!'...WHAT THE SHROOM!?! Who wrote this book anyway?"
Mario looks at the cover again.
An Idiot's Guide to Dark Land
By King Bowser M. Koopa
"...%^(&!"
Mario throws the book down.
“And I am NOT pudgy!”
"Baaaaah!"
"Sorry, Russ. Didn't mean to swear or mistreat your books." *Sigh* "I just need to get to Bowser's Castle to put an end to all this sheep-y tomfoolery."
"baaah!"
"What is it, Luigi?"
Luigi is standing at the base of a wobbly stack of books, looking at a book labeled Secrets of, and Beyond, the Mushroom Kingdom, at the bottom of the stack.
"Oh, that won't be of any help. Everyone knows that that book, and its sequels, are written by some half-mad, half-bald crackpot conspiracy theorists."
Luigi somehow manages to glare at Mario.
"Ok, ok. Shrooms. Who is it actually by anyway?"
Mario quickly pulls the book out from the bottom of the stack. So quickly, in fact, that the whole stack just drops down, staying stacked. Except the top book, which falls on Mario's head.
"OUCH! Stupid book! What are you anyway?"
Mario looks at the cover: Labs, Lab Rats, and Lunatics: the Travels of the Blue Wandering Man, by Russ T.
"Hey, Russ, I didn't know you wrote a book! Oh well, doesn't matter."
Mario throws the book behind him. Unfortunately, he's turned around at this point, so it knocks over the stack, and they all fall on Mario and Luigi.
"Baaaaah!"
"mmmh"
"Ouch."
Mario digs himself, and Luigi, out from under the books.
"Sorry about your books, Russ. SHROOMS, that-a hurt. Anyway, let's see who this book is by."
Mario looks at the cover of the book he pulled out.
Secrets of, and Beyond, the Mushroom Kingdom
By Russ T, Kolorado, Pennington, and Paracarry
"Oh. Uh... heh-heh. Sorry about the comment, Russ. But it seems I was right with my comment when it comes to the other three."
Mario starts flipping through the book.
"Hmmm... 'Where to find Boos'... 'Your Mustache is Yellow: Passwords and Codephrases'... 'A Peach-y Wardrobe: Does she really only wear pink?' Do you?"
“maaahh.”
"That didn't sound like a yes or a no. Curse this curse of sheepiness! Anyway... Ah-HA! Here it is! 'How to find Dark Land and other Moving Lands.' So that's why it's always hard to reach Bowser's Castle, it's always moving! Ok, let’s see.... SHROOMS! It's-a written in ancient Goombese! Guess I'd better start studying up on the Goomba language."
~Ok, really? We're only looking at two places until I say otherwise!~
Kamek: "Ok, you know what? I'm not going to sit around and wait until Mario shows up at Dark Land's doorstep. Start preparing: *zoom-in on narrowed eyes* the weapon."
Magikoopa: "But, sir, that will take a little more than a week to finish!"
"So be it! Begin!"
"Whatever you say, sir." The Magikoopa walks out of sight.
"This will be the end of all meddling! MWAHAHAHAhack-choke-gag. Hmm. Forgot how painful an evil laugh can be on the larynx."
To Be Continued...
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