Fatman in: The Best Crimes Come from Good People

By Tenacious B

Radio: Hello everyone, this is Zack Koopa. It is currently 8:59 AM in Diamond City. The weather is clear, everything is peaceful.
The camera cuts to a peaceful looking Diamond City.
Radio: Today is probably a carefree day, as the grand opening of the Witchy Kitchen (The restaurant Large Fry and Cackletta made) opens in just 5 minutes.
A large group of people are around the doors to Witchy Kitchen. Suddenly a van comes around, 3 muscle-built men in business suits get out. Each of them is carrying a box of suitcases. One sets up a sign. One of the men, Vladamir, begins to speak in a deep Russian accent.
Vladamir: Suitcases! Free suitcases! Courtesy of Witchy Kitchen! Suitcase Raffle at 9:30! See if you have the lucky suitcase for a free trip to Chocolate Island!
The large group of spectators each takes a suitcase.
Vladamir: Good! Good! See if you can find the lucky one!
The last suitcase is taken from Vladamir.
Vladamir: Oh, too bad. Have fun at Witchy Kitchen! Remember, don't open the suitcases ‘til 9:30.
Vladamir starts whispering to his two partners.
Vladamir: Boris! Nikolai! Let's get out of here!
The three men pack up and drive off. The clock strikes for 9 o'clock and the doors to Witchy Kitchen open up. Everyone is seated by Large Fry and Cackletta, as the people with suitcases put them under their tables.
Meanwhile we get a look inside the suitcases, seeing that there are a plethora of miniature time bombs in each suitcase. Each one goes off, destroying the entire restaurant.
The scene cuts to the Mayor's Office. The mayor is reading about the explosion.
Mayor: 48 people dead. Including famous chef Large Fry and his wife Cackletta...
Officer Ickingnos (a Pianta Officer... yeah, we probably should have explained that last episode): Yes sir, no one could escape the building.
Officer Nok (a Noki Officer... we couldn't think of a good name): The entire building has been leveled.
Mayor: How were they all killed, again?
Officer Ickingos: All caught in explosions made by miniature time bombs in suitcases they brought in, sir.
Mayor: You know what this means?
Officer Nok: ... The Ostrich.
Mayor: Yes, Officer Nok, The Ostrich. The Russian Tsar of traps and explosions, and the current CEO of Ostrich Industries.
Officer Ickingnos: ... Wait, I thought Ostrich was still in prison.
Mayor: He was... However, I checked his files... He was released a week ago.
Officer Nok: Well, I'm not going to catch him!
Officer Ickingnos: I think it's best we call... him.
The Mayor picks up a green telephone.
Mayor: I certainly hope we're not disturbing him.
Jimmy T's cell-phone starts buzzing, he answers it.
Jimmy T: I'll get him.
The camera cuts to Wario counting his coins and Waluigi hopping up and down on one leg.
Wario: 87 million and one, 87 million and two, 87 million and three…
Waluigi: Boy does it feel good to walk on this leg again!
Wario: Quit jumping or you'll break it again! Loser!
Jimmy T comes in.
Jimmy T: Mayor wants you, Dawg.
Wario: Now what? Can't he ever call me when I'm not busy?
Waluigi: Let's go!
Waluigi trips and falls.
Waluigi: I'm okay!
Wario: Nobody cares, loser!
Wario drags Waluigi into his office, where he picks up another phone that goes to the mayor's line.
Wario: What is it?
Mayor: Ostrich, enough said.
Wario: Got it!
Wario puts down the phone, Waluigi tries to knock down the Wario Bust, but Wario catches it.
Wario: Is this going to be a running gag?
Waluigi: I hope not.
Wario: Anyway, Ostrich is up to something. Into the safe!
Wario opens his safe, takes a couple of flashlights, and jumps in with Waluigi. Waluigi closes the safe door. Wario and Waluigi dive down through the coins.
Waluigi: Why do we have to find the base this way?
Wario: So no one except my employees can find it.
Wario reaches the bottom, which is a passageway filled with jelly. They start swimming through it until they reach... The Fat Cave! The screen fades to black as our intro plays. (It's the same every episode, so we don't have to waste time.)
Fatman and Skinny, now in costume, run through their Fat Cave and enter the Fatmobile.
Skinny: Initiating Invisible Power!
The Fat Mobile, Fatman, and Skinny turn invisible.
Fatman: Activating Mushroom Boost!
Fatman takes out a Mushroom from Mario Kart.
Skinny: Activating DOOR!
A garage door opens up, Wario tosses the Mushroom in the engine and the invisible car and invisible Bros. go flying off. They reappear at the Mayor's Office.
Skinny: Still stupid in my opinion!
Fatman: So the entire restaurant exploded?
Mayor: Yep.
Fatman: Yep, this is Ostrich all right. He planned this demonstration of evil just perfectly... Could you find any clues that could lead us to him?
Mayor: None, the entire place is now part of the ground.
Skinny: ... Man, why did you let him out just so he could do this a week later?
Officer Ickingnos: I brought over Warden Wisher to explain the release of Ostrich.
An older-looking chap carrying a whip comes in through the door.
Warden Wisher: All right, what do you want?
Fatman: Ok, how was Ostrich when he was released?
Warden Wisher: You figure it out... I put any new releases in a cell so they can video tape themselves, this keeps us on track of how they are when they're released.
Warden Wisher puts a video into a television. It turns on to show Ostrich walking around in his cell. He's wearing a business suit.
Skinny: Why in the world is he wearing that?
Warden Wisher: All criminals in my prison can wear whatever they want, as long as it's been approved on my list of non-dangerous clothing. Now shush! He's about to speak!
Ostrich: This is stupid! I'm about to leave prison, and I can't figure out any good crime to show my return!
The Red Shy Guy (from the Shy Guy Gang) is on the top of the bunk bed in his cell.
Red Shy Guy: Yep, life stinks, then you die... Wait... I think my motha's got a convenience store down on Yoshi's Island. We can always go blow that place up.
Ostrich: A convenience store? I'm the Ostrich, I was put in here for trying to blow up WarioWare! I can't just blow up a simple convenience store! I need to do something that will make Fatman want to kill me!
Red Shy Guy: Can you please not say that name here? He got me in the slammer, remember?
Ostrich: I can say the F-Name as many times as I want!
Red Shy Guy starts flipping through a brochure of Diamond City.
Red Shy Guy: ...Hmm... Here's something. "Witchy Kitchen". The restaurant is having its grand opening in two weeks! We could blow that place sky-high!
Ostrich: ... YES! It's perfect! ... And we can use suitcases to also-
Red Shy Guy: SHH!... Look, behind that spider-web!
Ostrich: Spider-Mario?!
Red Shy Guy: No, they're filmin' us!
Ostrich: Hmph! No matter. They won't stop us anyway.
Red Shy Guy: Us?
Ostrich: You're helping me!
Red Shy Guy: No way ma-
Ostrich grabs Red Shy Guy with his humongous fist.
Red Shy Guy: Actually, I'll help.
Ostrich: Good... Now Fatman, if you're watching this, you'll have to find out where I am by yourself!
Ostrich throws the Red Shy Guy into the camera. The tape stops.
Fatman: Remind me, why did you let him out again?
Warden Wisher: We... didn't actually review the tape.
Skinny: No wonder we end up fighting these guys every time they get released!
Fatman: Well let's see... Whatever Ostrich has in mind for us... it's going to involve suitcases.
Skinny: And if we know Ostrich... there's also going to be a lot of explosions happening.
Fatman: Mr. Mayor, get me the city records! I want to see what recently opened!
The Mayor goes to the computer and looks up the records.
Mayor: Well. 2 Suitcase factories recently opened in the last week... none seem to be run by Henry Kiril... or as we call him, the Ostrich.
Skinny: Who is running them?
Mayor: Well, "Business for Dummies" is run by A. Faknam. And "Suits And Cases" is run by P. Fellaway.
Fatman: ... Seriously... You can't figure out what he's going under?
Mayor: ... No.
Skinny: A...Fak...Nam... A FAKE NAME! Honestly, that was so simple!
Fatman: What's the address?
Mayor: 201 2nd Street.
Skinny: Let's go!
Fatman and Skinny run out.
Meanwhile in the head office of "Business for Dummies"…
The Ostrich is seen at his desk, stuffing a suitcase. Red Shy Guy is standing on the desk, watching him.
Ostrich: What time is it?
Red Shy Guy: Noon, sir.
Ostrich: Good. Tell Vladamir to go send the gold suitcase to Ostrich Inc.
Ostrich hands Red Shy Guy a golden suitcase.
Red Shy Guy: Yes sir!
Red Shy Guy leaves. Boris knocks on the door.
Ostrich: What is it?
Boris: I forgot what our plan is.
Ostrich sighs.
Ostrich: It's simple, we slowly blow up the city, and make Fatman want me so badly that he will try to kill me. It’s all in the master plan.
Boris: What's the master plan?
Ostrich: Nothing.
Boris: Nothing?
Ostrich: Nothing... Yet.
Meanwhile in the Fatman Mobile, Skinny's "Caller ID for Skinny" cell-phone rings.
Skinny: What is it?
Mayor: Some more Russian businessmen are selling suitcases outside Diamond City Bank.
Skinny: Diamond City Bank?!
Fatman: Not my money!
Fatman steps on the gas and speeds off. He reaches the bank and breaks down the door.
Fatman: All right everyone! Empty your suitcases!
Rich Person: Has Fatman gone evil again?
Fatman: I'm not evil! Skinny and I believe that any suitcases you got from Russian businessmen were rigged with time bombs.
The people empty their suitcases, as time bombs fall everywhere on the floor.
Fatman: Clear the floor!
Fatman picks them all up and eats them all. He burps.
Fatman: There... My money is safe.
Skinny: Yay Fatman!
Fatman: Don't thank me yet, loser! ... Where are the Russian businessmen?
Officer Nok: They drove away a minute before you two got here.
Fatman: ARGH! Where's Ostrich?! When I get my hands on him I'll-
Meanwhile up in Ostrich's Office, Ostrich is looking on the Diamond City News website for new front covers.
Ostrich: Hmm... "Bank saved from explosion... Fatman makes goal to find Ostrich". Hmph. Not good enough headlines... Shy Guy!
The Red Shy Guy comes in.
Red Shy Guy: Yes sir?
Ostrich tosses a suitcase to the Red Shy Guy.
Ostrich: Get the next part of the plan into action. I'll meet Fatman downstairs.
Ostrich walks downstairs to the store.

Meanwhile, Fatman parks the Fat Mobile next to "Business for Dummies". He and Skinny break down the door.
Fatman: All right Ostrich. Hands up! I'm going to destroy you for attempting to destroy my money!
Ostrich: Wait! Fatman! Remember what happened to Puzzler.
Fatman: You killed 48 people! And tried to destroy my-
Ostrich: Tried to destroy your money. Blah Blah Blah. Besides, I haven't committed a crime.
Skinny: What are you saying?
Ostrich: I just make suitcases, I’m not trying to use them for evil. If I wanted to do that... I would use a machine gun, or take a page out of the "Spetsnaz" fighting manual.
Fatman: ... But you said you were going to destroy Witchy Kitchen!
Ostrich: ... Huh? ... No. I said "Blow it sky-high"! As in, give it an early foothold on the Economic Ladder.
Skinny: But the people died due to explosives in your suitcases!
Ostrich takes out a briefcase and opens it. There are no time bombs in it.
Ostrich: I just make suitcases and sell them to my Russian friends. I work this business with Shy Guy. We want to be the biggest suitcase business on Plit. The Russians are the ones who blew up the place. You want them, not me.
Fatman: ...*sigh*... He's right, Skinny... Let's go.
Skinny: Just like that?!
Fatman: We don’t have evidence against him. And I don't want to end up in court again!
Fatman and Skinny leave.
Ostrich: Thank you, come again.
Ostrich grins and presses a button under his desk. The lights flash red in Ostrich's Office. Vladamir comes in and flips a switch. From the top of the building, a Big Bob-omb falls into the street.
Fatman: Now what?
Fatman takes out a megaphone.
Fatman: All right people, you know what to do. Scream in terror, blah blah blah.
The people flee and scream.
Skinny: Now let's check this guy out.
Fatman does a rim-shot.
The Big Bob-omb seems to be holding something. Fatman grabs it.
Fatman: It's a suitcase from "Business for Dummies",
The Big Bob-omb swipes the suitcase.
Big Bob-omb: Do you mind? I need this to become a prosecutor.
Skinny: Are you diffused?
Big Bob-omb: Have been all my life.
Fatman: I'll give you a 1,000-pound note for it. If you cash it in, it should be worth 2,000 coins.
Big Bob-omb: Sold!
The Big Bob-omb hands Fatman the suitcase
Fatman: Skinny, hand him the note.
Skinny goes to the Fat Mobile and presses a button. A giant, 1,000-lb musical note comes out of the sky and flattens the Big Bob-omb.
Fatman: To the Fat Cave!
Later, Fatman and Skinny are seen in the Fat Cave. Dr. Crygor is seen examining the suitcase.
Dr. Crygor: Hm... Seems to be a normal suitcase. Though it's perfect for almost any situation: court rooms, business meetings… This is a very useful suitcase for a businessman.
Fatman: Dang it!
Skinny: If Ostrich is planning something, then I can't figure it out.
Fatman: If only there was a way to keep an eye on him.
Dr. Crygor: Did somebody say "Eye?"
Skinny: Yeah.
Dr. Crygor: Well I just made this "Rolling Eye Camera". It's filled with cameras and can be hidden anywhere.
Dr. Crygor shows them a couple of eyeballs.
Fatman: We'll take them!
Fatman snatches them all.
Skinny: ...Wait! He's going to keep guard of his place if you enter it.
Fatman: ... Right... Then I won't go... You will.
Fatman drops the eyeballs in Skinny's hands.
Skinny: What?! He hates me too!
Fatman rips Skinny's mask off.
Fatman: He may hate "Skinny". But he doesn't hate "Waluigi".
Waluigi: Then why don't you do it as "Wario"?
Fatman: ‘Cause he hates " Wario" as well. Ostrich Inc. is the only company that gives mine a run for my money. So tomorrow, you're going undercover!
Waluigi: Aw man!
The next day Waluigi enters "Business for Dummies". Ostrich is seen shining a suitcase.
Waluigi: Excuse Waluigi.
Ostrich turns around, pleased to see Waluigi
Ostrich: Ah, Waluigi. My favorite Wario brother. How can I help you?
Waluigi: Well you see, Waluigi needs his old suitcase fixed. He can't be seen in business meetings without it.
Ostrich: Let me see that.
Ostrich takes Waluigi's suitcase and examines it.
Ostrich: Hmmm.
While Ostrich is examining, Waluigi crouches down to place the eyeball. However, Boris is working the security camera, and sees Waluigi place it. He sounds the alarm. Vladamir and Nikolai tackle Waluigi and pin him down.
Ostrich: Hmph. Waluigi, I really thought you were above that.
Ostrich jumps on Waluigi's face, knocking him out.
Ostrich: Wario probably sent you here to learn my secrets to making microgames... I'll show him! ... "Fire Him!"
Ostrich looks down at the eyeball camera and smashes it. Vladamir and Nikolai drag Waluigi into the furnace room and toss him into the furnace, waking Waluigi up.
Nikolai and Vladamir shake hands and leave the room. A few second after they leave the room, Waluigi gets out of the furnace, completely unharmed.
Waluigi: *Phew* Waluigi's glad he's wearing his fireproof Skinny outfit under his clothes. AND that Waluigi is an actor for pain. He's been doing it in Fun Fiction for years!
In Ostrich's Office…
Ostrich: My plan is coming into action just fine. This city is down 49 people and one restaurant. I just need my final performance to be complete at noon.
Red Shy Guy: But what IS the final performance?
Ostrich: Oh, we'll soon find out.
Meanwhile in the Fat Cave…
Skinny enters.
Skinny: Hey Fatman! Ostrich almost killed me!
Fatman: Did you bug the place?
Skinny: Of course not!
Fatman: Then I don't care what he did to you, either way we need to inspect the briefcase.
Back at Ostrich's Office…
The clock chimes for moon.
Ostrich: Yes... It's time.
Ostrich flips a switch on a radio.
Skinny: What in the world is the suitcase for?
Fatman: I don't know, loser, that's what we're suppose to figure out.
Ostrich: Ah, secret bugging devices inside my suitcase handles. Absolutely perfect.
Skinny: Maybe it's a clue... like what Puzzler did.
Fatman: Uh... I'm stumped... Is he going to try to steal that giant golden statue of "The Great Wario" at the museum?
Ostrich: I like the sound of that... Yes, a brilliant crime... Then I blow the place up.
Skinny: I think it's best we check it out.
Ostrich: Perfect, not only has Fatman given me the whereabouts of what I should search, claim, and destroy. But he's also going to give the instructions on to do it.
Skinny checks on his iPhone.
Skinny: Uh... Nope, theft proof.
Fatman: Hmmm, if it's not a golden statue he wants... What is it?
Skinny: ... It just dawned on me... This suitcase looks French.
Fatman looks up.
Fatman: Dawn... French... That's it! He's planning to kidnap Dawn French!
Ostrich: I am?
Skinny: Isn't she from Earth?
Fatman: Yes, but a certain fat millionaire urged her with money to come over to Plit for a stand up routine for one night only.
Skinny: Where is she staying?
Fatman: At a penthouse at Diamond City Hotels... OH MY DAD! A simple zip-line from Ostrich Industries and he could get her, snatch her, and steal money from WarioWare like *snap* that!
Skinny: We have to stop him!
Ostrich: Yes, try and stop me, Fatman, I'll make sure you can't. Boris! Nikolai! Vladamir! Shy Guy! We're going to get Dawn before dawn!
Meanwhile at Diamond City Hotels…
Dawn French (portrayed by a fat guy wearing a wig; we couldn't get enough money to get the real Dawn French) is seen being interviewed in her/his penthouse. Fatman and Skinny are seen at the bottom of it.
Fatman: All right, I'll go up using... The Butt Blaster!
Skinny: Ah, a classic. Let's do it!
Skinny takes the Butt Blaster out of the Fat Mobile and places it on Fatman's back.
Fatman: Give me my hard hat!
Skinny gives Fatman the Mario-themed hard hat.
Fatman: Launching in three... two... one!
Fatman flies up the building, through the penthouse patio, and into the pent house. Dawn’s interviewer is shocked, and French thinks it's some monster so he/she stomps on Fatman's head for a good while.
Fatman: This -OW!- is -OW!- why -OW!- I -OW!- wanted -OW!- her -OW!- to -OW!- be -OW!- portrayed by -OW!- Mona -OW!
The interviewer stops Dawn.
Mr. Ivan (the interviewer): No! That's Fatman! Diamond City's greatest (and only) hero!
Dawn French: Oh, sorry.
Fatman: No time for apologies! Ostrich is coming to kidnap you to make WarioWare lose money! Now here's my plan!
The scene cuts to the top of Ostrich Industries, where Boris, Nikolai, and Red Shy Guy are making a zip line.
Ostrich: Ok, here's the plan. We fire the rope into the top of the penthouse, then if any troubles comes... you know what will happen.
Vladamir, Boris, Nikolai, and Red Shy Guy: Yes sir.
Ostrich: Good... FIRE!
Boris presses a button and a zip line goes flying off, attaching to the top of the hotel. Ostrich swings down to where Dawn French is now pretending to be interviewed.
Ostrich: Don't move!
Mr. Ivan: What is the meaning of-
Ostrich KO-punches Mr. Ivan.
Ostrich: You! Ms. French! You're following me!
Fatman busts through the door.
Fatman: Hold it right there, Ostrich! I have you this time!
Ostrich laughs.
Ostrich: Oh Fatman, I'm glad your sidekick figured out my suitcase looked French, but you forgot one thing: I always come prepared.
Vladamir swings down and kicks Fatman in the jaw, knocking him out.
Ostrich: Do you have the recording?
Vladamir: Yes, Boss.
Ostrich: Good, leave it on the table next to Fatman.
Vladamir drops a tape recorder on the table. Meanwhile Skinny runs into the bottom of the hotel, having seen Vladamir zip into the penthouse. He runs up to the penthouse
Skinny: Fatman!
Ostrich KO-punches Skinny as well.
Ostrich: Now unless you want to feel the same, Ms. French, follow us!
Ostrich and Vladamir drag Dawn French down the hotel and into "Business for Dummies".
The scene cuts to a new day in Diamond City as Fatman, Skinny, the Mayor, and Officer Ickingnos huddle around the tape Ostrick left.
Tape: And if you don't bring us one million coins, we will fry Ms. French.
The tape stops. Fatman puts the suitcase on the table.
Mayor: Now what?
Fatman: ... He's beaten us. Ostrich wins.
Skinny: Dang! If only I was there to save Fatman!
Ostrich is listening to the conversation.
Ostrich: Hmph. I'm glad they're giving in.
Fatman: All we need is a location to leave Mr. Wario's money.
Skinny: ... What about his house?
Fatman: So he can watch his money leave?! Are you insane?!
Skinny: NO! I predict that Wario and Waluigi have left to go hunting. However, Jimmy T. can still take Dawn French back and they won't have to lose money!
Fatman: ... Skinny, you're a genius! Jimmy can take Ostrich, Vladamir, and Boris! ... I just hope Ostrich doesn't bring Nikolai.
Ostrich: Hmm Hmm Hmm. Boys, we're going on a massive mission! All of you... except Shy Guy! Follow me!
Red Shy Guy: Hey! What about me?!
Ostrich: You're no longer an asset!
Ostrich throws Red Shy Guy out the window.
Ostrich: Good, now it's time for the big heist.
Meanwhile at Wario's House, there's a knock at the door. Jimmy T opens it.
Jimmy T: Hello?
Ostrich KO-punches Jimmy T. Boris, Nikolai, and Vladamir enter the house with Dawn French and KO-Punch her.
Ostrich: Leave her here! Grab the money!
Vladamir grabs the briefcase filled with money. Boris leaves a bomb in the house.
Ostrich: Everyone! Quick! Out!
Ostrich, Vladamir, Boris, and Nikolai run out of Wario's House.
Ostrich: Quick! Blow the place to smithereens! Then we'll take 250,000 each and go our separate ways!
Nikolai: Wait, won't that blow up "Business for Dummies"? We secretly placed bombs in all the suitcases!
Ostrich: I don't care! Destroy the home of my nemesis!
Nikolai reluctantly takes out a detonator.
 ???: Thorn Whip of Skinniness!
Skinny launches a whip and snatches the detonator out of Nikolai's hands, Fatman and Skinny are seen at the top of Wario's House.
Ostrich: Grrr! I should've expected to be followed! No matter! I will simply destroy you two! It's four against two anyway! Come on down!
Skinny sets down the detonator on the roof. They jump down.
Nikolai: I must break you!
Nikolai runs up to Fatman and Skinny, but Skinny grabs him with the Thorn Whip of Skinniness and makes him fly off into the distance.
Fatman starts charging toward Ostrich and Vladmir while Boris is charging toward Skinny, who jumps behind and pushes him into the wall. Skinny grabs Boris's head and whacks it against the wall, knocking him out.
Meanwhile Ostrich grabs Fatman from behind, and holds his arms behind him.
Ostrich: Vladamir! Knock him out!
Vladamir starts to wind up a punch but before he can connect the punch, Fatman burps in his face. Vladamir faints.
Fatman: Skinny! Start up the band!
Ostrich: What?
Fatman: It's time for an Ostrich to fly for the first time in history!
Fatman throws Ostrich over his shoulders and toward Skinny.
Skinny: Skinny Chin Music!
Skinny kicks the flying Ostrich in the jaw, knocking him out cold. The police arrive.
Fatman: About time you got here!
Soon the scene changes to night, as a party is going on at Wario's House. Waluigi is seen flirting with Ashley.
Waluigi: So, did Waluigi ever tell you the time he kicked a flying ostrich?
Waluigi puts his elbow on the rim of the punch bowl, causing punch to fly all over his face.
Waluigi: Why Waluigi?
The Mayor is seen tapping a glass.
Mayor: Attention! Attention everyone! Announcing the host of the party!... Mr. Wario Wario, and his wife Mona Wario!
Wario and Mona come down to applause.
Wario: Thank you! Thank you!... Now I heard my house was the scene of a crime! There was also a bomb planted in it, but Dr. Crygor dealt with it fine! We are all safe for another day... thanks to Fatman! Good job, loser!... Whoever you are!
The Mayor walks up to Wario.
Mayor: I hope you aren't too upset with what happened?
Wario: Me? No!... However, I still expect a million coins to make up for those goons punching Jimmy T, leaving a knocked out person in the middle of my hall, and almost destroying my house.
Mayor: We'll finish that business tomorrow. Though, I doubt we'll see this happen again. We couldn't find Nikolai, but Boris, Vladamir, and Ostrich were arrested and were given the death penalty for the murder of 48 people.
Wario: Good! I don't want to see any of those losers again!
Jimmy T. comes running up to Wario and whispers in his ear.
Jimmy T.: We found the detonator on the roof, what do we do with it, dawg?
Wario snatches it.
Wario: (whispering) I have plan. (out loud) All right everyone! It's time for the fireworks!
Mona: (whispering) I didn't know you scheduled fireworks.
Wario: (whispering) It's sort of impromptu.
Wario presses the button on the detonator. The scene cuts to "Business for Dummies" being blown up and making lovely fireworks in the air.
Mona: They’re beautiful!
Wario: Yep... Too bad we won't ever see these fireworks again, with Ostrich dead and all that.
Meanwhile in "Diamond City Prison",,,
Prison Guard: Well, you had your last meal.
Ostrich: You should serve it often in prison, it actually may make the other prisoners calmer.
Prison Guard: Well... that's the last suggestion you'll ever make, Bring in the new guy!
A Shy Guy wearing a doctor's outfit walks in.
Prison Guard: You can add this to your resume. "First patient ever killed: Henry Kiril... The Ostrich".
Shy Guy: Yes, quite. I'm kind of nervous though... could you leave? I want to do my first kill alone.
Prison Guard: Sure thing! Tell me when you're done! Then we're going out for a party!
The Prison Guard leaves.
Ostrich: So, I'm the first man you kill.
Shy Guy: Yep.
Ostrich: Well... go ahead.
Ostrich rolls up his sleeve.
Ostrich: Get it over with.
Shy Guy: I would gladly... NOT!
The Shy Guy doctors rips off his doctor clothes to reveal he's Red Shy Guy.
Shy Guy: Ta-da!
Ostrich: Shy Guy... Is it really you?!
Red Shy Guy: Yep! After you got rid of me, I fooled them police guys into thinking I was a certified criminal killa'!
Ostrich: Remind me to include a large bonus in your next paycheck.
Red Shy Guy pulls a Bob-omb out of his cloak.
Red Shy Guy: Fire in the hole!
Red Shy Guy throws the Bob-omb at the wall and it explodes. Ostrich and the Red Shy Guy hop out of the hole they made.
Ostrich: Let's go find Nikolai, and then blow up that convenience store your mother owns.
Red Shy Guy: Got it, Boss!
They run off, and the screen fades to black.

The End

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