Enemy Tourney Season 1: Super Mario Sunshine

By polkamon

Round Two

Characters Remaining:
Seed 1: Bowser
Seed 3: Mecha Bowser
Seed 4: Manta Storm
Seed 5: King Boo
Seed 8: Gooper Blooper
Seed 9: Wiggler
Seed 12: Green Electro-Koopa
Seed 13: Plungelo
Seed 14: Monty Mole
Seed 15: Big Boo
Seed 17: Chain Chomplet
Seed 20: Bob-omb
Seed 22: Cataquack
Seed 23: Red Boo
Seed 26: Blooper
Seed 27: Piranha Plant
Seed 31: Soarin’ Stu

Lemmy: Well, I just don’t think that fighting should be an entire tournament.

Don Pianta: Da Don wants it dat way! And if da Don wants it dat way, it IS dat way! Right, boys?

Vinnie: Right, boss!

Frankie: Dat’s right!

Lemmy: I say we have more diversity in the tournament. Why don’t we have the Round Two characters play mini-games?

Don Pianta: I got sick of dem mini-games when Millenium Star showed up on his second week in da Sports Hall.

Lemmy: True, true... Well, how about collecting Shine Sprites? The contestants could collect Shine Sprites around Delfino Isle.

Don Pianta: Fine, but next round we go back to da fightin’!

Lemmy: Okay. This round, the contestants that were paired up against one another have to race to find a certain Shine somewhere. Let’s start with the first match-up!

Round 2 Match 1
8 Gooper Blooper
9 Wiggler

Don Pianta: Okay, youse losers have ta find da “Mysterious Hotel Delfino” Shine in Sirena Beach. Good luck, yadda yadda yadda. Go!

The two rush over to Sirena Beach.

Gooper Blooper: A hotel!

The two attempt to enter the hotel and end up knocking the entire hotel over.

Hotel Manager: MY PRECIOUS HOTEL!! It’s like the time that creepy silhouette buried it in goop and destroyed it! Only now it’s been bulldozed!

Wiggler: Hey, you look like that cool guy who gave me sunglasses three days ago!

Hotel Manager: … What?

Wiggler: Remember? You gave me those cool shades! I talked to you for hours, and you kept taking them back, then putting them on again, then…

Hotel Manager: Nah, that was my cousin Louie. Thinks he’ll make a living by giving out free sunglasses.

Don Pianta: Hey! Wasn’t Cousin Louie da one who ran away from da last family reunion?

Hotel Manager: Yeah, that’s the one. Oh, and by the way, it looks like Gooper Blooper has found the Shine.

Gooper Blooper triumphantly holds up his Shine.

Lemmy: Excellent, looks like Gooper Blooper has won the first match! Next!

Round 2 Match 2
26 Blooper
23 Red Boo
Lemmy: Your task is to find the Shine titled “The Sand Bird is Born” in Gelato Beach.

Blooper: “The Band Bird is Sworn”? What’s that? And what’s Belado Jeech?

Lemmy: Did someone mess with his ability to hear, or is he really that stupid?

Red Boo: Don’t look at me, I didn’t do anything.

Don Pianta: Blooper’s stupidity aside, can we get goin’? Some guy made an appointment wit da Don for 6 PM, and I make sure all de appointments made wit me get done. Get movin’!

Red Boo heads for Gelato Beach while Blooper heads toward Corona Mountain.

Don Pianta: Da Boo is goin’ da right way while da Blooper’s headin’ fer certain death.

Red Boo: Now let’s see…I’ve played this game before. I remember you had to go into the egg to reach the Sand Bird.

Red Boo travels into the broken egg and is magically teleported onto the back of the Sand Bird.

Red Boo: Excellent. Now all I need to do is collect the eight red coins…

Red Boo finds all but one red coin on the Sand Bird’s back.

Red Boo: Where’s that last red coin? Whoa, the Sand Bird is turning!

The Sand Bird turns onto its side. Red Boo, being able to float, doesn’t pay much attention to it.

Red Boo: Whatever. Maybe the last coi- Oh, there it is!

The last red coin is seen by Red Boo on the top of the tower the Sand Bird was circling. Red Boo collects it and the Shine Sprite appears.

Red Boo: Awesome! I wi-

???: Yahoo!!!

Blooper suddenly appears on the top of the tower. Attached to his back is a Rocket Nozzle.

Blooper: Look at this nifty device I found in that lava-y place! I used it over and over again! It was so much fun!

Red Boo: …

Blooper: Oh look, shiny!

Red Boo: Oh no you don’t, that’s mine!

Red Boo lunges for the Shine, but Blooper has already taken it.

Don Pianta: And da stupid squid somehow wins outta luck!

Lemmy: That thing has gotten way too much luck. In here, in the Sports Hall… Regardless, next!

Round 2 Match 3
27 Piranha Plant
22 Cataquack

Lemmy: Your mission is “Road to the Big Windmill” in Bianco Hills.

Don Pianta: Aw, dat’s an easy one!

Lemmy: It has to be easy for their convenience. Piranha Plant is stuck to the ground, and Cataquack can’t even jump.

Don Pianta: Well, dat’s deir problem!

Lemmy: The Bianco Hills Shine had to be given to someone. Go!

Piranha Plant: The Shine will eventually appear, I think…

Cataquack: Quack!

A few hours later, Piranha Plant is sleeping and Cataquack is running around aimlessly.

Don Pianta: Dese losers are pathetic.

Lemmy: Okay, you know what, forget the rest of the mission. Polluted Piranha, just come out and fight them.

Polluted Piranha: Okay! Sludge Attack!

Piranha Plant: Zzz… Oh, honey, that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever sai-AAAAGGHH!

Cataquack: QUACK!

Lemmy: Both Piranha Plant and Cataquack have become engulfed in sludge!

Don Pianta: Dis IS pathetic.

Polluted Piranha: Oh no… It’s that menace that beat me in the first round!

Cataquack: QUACK!

Polluted Piranha: No, no, please get away, don’t do this to me! I’ve never done anything bad to you or your friends…

Cataquack: QUACK!


The Shine Sprite appears above Cataquack.

Cataquack: Quack!

Don Pianta: Why ain’t da duck gettin’ da Shine?

Lemmy: Like I said, he can’t jump.

Don Pianta: HOW did dese losers win last round?

Lemmy: Beats me.

A few more hours later, Piranha Plant has fallen asleep again and Cataquack is staring up at the Shine.

Cataquack: Quaaaaaack…

Lemmy: You know what, let’s call this a tie and move on. What do you say, Don?

Don Pianta: Zzzz…

Lemmy: Err… What do you guys say?

Vinnie: Uh, wese don’t do nothin’ witout da boss.

Frankie: Yeah.
Lemmy: Well, I can’t take this, so let’s move on. Next!

Round 2 Match 4
5 King Boo
12 Green Electro-Koopa

Lemmy: Your Shine is the Pachinko Shine in Delfino Plaza.

King Boo: The wha?

Lemmy: You’ll find it. Go!

King Boo and Green Electro-Koopa look around, unsure what to do.

Green Electro-Koopa: Well, I’ll look over by the cannon.

Green Electro-Koopa walks off.

King Boo: I’ll just float around aimlessly, I guess.

King Boo floats off.

Lemmy: Okay… Well, this could take a while.

King Boo: Hey, what’s this?

Lemmy: And it looks like King Boo has found the entrance!

King Boo goes down a pipe and lands next to a pool of toxic waste, with a sole lily pad floating near the edge.

Lemmy: …to the wrong Shine.

Don Pianta (yawning): Hey, what did I miss?

Lemmy: Not much, actually.

Don Pianta: Dat’s all right.

King Boo has collected all 8 red coins on the lily pad level by this time. (Well, he floats, so he doesn’t need the lily pad.)

King Boo: I got the Shine!

Lemmy: That’s the wrong Shine!

King Boo: What?

Lemmy: That’s not the right Shine. That’s the lily pad level Shine, we’re looking for the Pachinko Shine.

King Boo: Oh, sorry, I don’t speak Sunshine-ish. What’s Pachinko?

Don Pianta: Pinball.

King Boo: So I should look for a giant pinball machine…

Lemmy: How’s Green Electro-Koopa doing?

Green-Electro Koopa has gone back into Pinna Park. He is now sitting under the Ferris wheel, causing it to run fast… again.

Lemmy: What is it with these contestants?

King Boo: Wonder if this is it…

King Boo has entered the Pachinko level. He can’t tell what it is, but collects all 8 red coins from the level anyway.

Meanwhile, Green Electro-Koopa wakes up and lumbers off to the pirate ships to make it run faster.

King Boo: This better be the right Shine…

Lemmy: Don’t worry, it is! Looks like you’ve won!

Don Pianta: Finally…

King Boo: Eyahahaha! This tournament shall be mine!

Lemmy: Right. Anyway, next matchup…

Round 2 Match 5
4 Manta Storm
13 Plungelo
20 Bob-omb

Lemmy: Ooh, we haven’t had a three-way match yet!

Don Pianta: Just hurry dis up, I’m sure I’m late fer my next appointment.

Lemmy: Okay, your Shine is “Uncork the Waterfall” in Noki Bay!

Manta Storm: …

Plungelo: Quack?

Bob-omb: I’m surrounded by idiots.

Manta Storm: …

Bob-omb: Okay, guess I’m gonna be the first to climb Noki Waterfall since Mario.

Manta Storm: …

Plungelo: Quack.

A few minutes later…

Bob-omb: Whew! Finally got up to the second level of… Remind me, how many levels are there in Noki Waterfall?

No one answers.

Bob-omb: This is so stupid.


Manta Storm: …

Plungelo: Quaquack quack, quack quaquack quack.

Manta Storm: …

Plungelo: Quack?

Manta Storm: …

Lemmy: This HAS to be the most pointless thing ever done by this author.

Polkamon: Not true. I’ve spent hours hammering this Paper Mario block trying to break it…

Lemmy: Ugh…


Bob-omb: Finally at the top!

Monty Mole: Hah!

Monty Mole, inside yet another cannon, starts to shoot Bob-ombs at Bob-omb.

Bob-omb: Is that really an effective strategy? Shooting creatures of the same species at me?

Monty Mole: Well, it worked with Bullet Bill.

Bob-omb (to the other Bob-ombs): Guys, he’s planning to use you and ditch you at the last second! Go get him!

The other Bob-ombs turn around to attack Monty Mole.

Monty Mole: What? No. Turn around right now, or I’m not paying you guys.

The Bob-ombs turn around back to Bob-omb.

Bob-omb: Come on, I’m your own brethren, and he’s planning to use you to get the, um, treasure of Noki Bay.

Other Bob-ombs: Treasure?

Bob-omb #3: We must find that treasure before the Mole does!

Bob-omb #5: Yes!

The other Bob-ombs walk off.

Monty Mole: Ha, well, I guess you’ll never get the- BLAGIDIBLAGIDIBLAR!

Bob-omb: What was that?

Manta Storm: …

Bob-omb: Oh, thanks, Manta Storm!

Manta Storm: …

The Shine Sprite appears as the Monty Mole flies off into the distance.

Bob-omb: Haha, guess I won.

Bob-omb takes the Shine Sprite.

Don Pianta: And da bomb is da winna!

Manta Storm: …

Bob-omb: Ha, I know you’re jealous.

Manta Storm: …


Plungelo: Quack? Qua quack?

Lemmy: This Plungelo is rather stupid… Regardless, next!

Round 2 Match 6
3 Mecha Bowser
14 Monty Mole

Don Pianta: Da Shine youse want is “Red Coins on da Water”. Dat’s da Ricco Harbor one.

Mecha Bowser: I don’t think I can swim.

Don Pianta: Fer dis one, you should stand on da Blooper anyways.

Mecha Bowser: So you don’t think I would fall off?

Don Pianta: If Mario can do it, anyone should be able to.

Mecha Bowser: Works for me.

Mecha Bowser boards a yellow Blooper while Monty Mole takes a pink one.

Lemmy: And they’re off!

Don Pianta: Dose idiots didn’t press da red button ta make da coins appear.

Lemmy: Oh…

Monty Mole: Why aren’t there any red coins here?

Don Pianta: … Ok. It’s 5:30, so I better get back ta Rogueport ta keep dat 6:00 appointment. Koopa guy, youse’ll finish dis up, right?

Lemmy: Sure.

Don Pianta leaves.

Lemmy: Now for this challenge…

Lemmy gets sick of watching the two surf around aimlessly, so he presses the button himself.

Monty Mole: Hey, there’s a red coin!

Mecha Bowser: Ugh, I can’t stand on this tiny Blooper much longer.

Monty Mole goes to collect the eight red coins while Mecha Bowser gets off his Blooper and waits at the starting position.

Monty Mole: Last one… Got it!

The Shine Sprite appears at the starting spot and Mecha Bowser takes it.

Mecha Bowser: Haha, I win!

Monty Mole: You can’t do that, that’s cheating!

Mecha Bowser: Oh yeah? How is that cheating?

Monty Mole: I did all the work! Hey, Lemmy! Shouldn’t I move on?

Lemmy: … No.

Monty Mole: Why not?

Lemmy: Mecha Bowser has the Shine. He didn’t cheat, he just waited until the Shine Sprite appeared and then collected it. It was a smart strategy.

Monty Mole: D’oh…

Lemmy: So Mecha Bowser is the winner. Next matchup!

Round 2 Match 7
31 Soarin’ Stu
15 Big Boo

Lemmy: You two will do the Shine “Red Coins of the Pirate Ships” in Pinna Park.

Soarin’ Stu: Works for me.

Big Boo: Whatever.

Lemmy: Go!

Soarin’ Stu and Big Boo enter the park to find all the rides running at super speed.

Soarin’ Stu: Why is everything so FAST?

Green Electro-Koopa is sleeping on an electric switch near the back of the park.

Green Electro-Koopa: Zzzz…

Big Boo: Don’t tell me that guy is here again…

Green Electro-Koopa: Zzz…

Soarin’ Stu: Oh, man…

Big Boo: This is going to be tough… Wait, I can just float through things. Never mind.

Soarin’ Stu: Lucky! You have such good abilities!

Big Boo: I really don’t think you’d have much of a problem either.

Soarin’ Stu: What do you think I am? It’s not like I can fly or anything!

Big Boo: …

Lemmy: …

Soarin’ Stu: … Oh, wait…

Big Boo: You’re not the brightest guy I’ve ever met, you know that?

Soarin’ Stu: Yeah, yeah…

The two each collect four red coins and the Shine appears near the Ferris wheel. The two fly over to it.

Big Boo: It’s mine!

Soarin’ Stu: No, it’s mine!

Big Boo: Mine!

Soarin’ Stu: No!

Soarin’ Stu attempts to tackle Big Boo, but instead flies through him, into the Shine, and then into the super-speed Ferris wheel. This knocks him unconscious.

Big Boo: NO!

Soarin’ Stu: …

Lemmy: I guess I’ll give that to Soarin’ Stu. Last matchup, then I can finally go home and play Super Mario Galaxy 2. So just hurry this one up.

Round 2 Match 8
1 Bowser
17 Chain Chomplet

Lemmy: Okay, all I’m asking you to do is find a Shine in Pianta Village.

Bowser: Which Shine, Son?

Lemmy: I don’t care, I just want to play Super Mario Galaxy 2 soon.

Bowser: Don’t tell me you’re playing games where MARIO BEATS ME.

Lemmy: … I meant Mario Is Missing? Where you capture him?

Bowser: That’s even worse! That’s the game Loogie beats me!

Lemmy: Ulp… I meant Super Mario RPG, where I use you as a character all the time.

Bowser: Better.

Lemmy: So… go!

Chain Chomplet: Arf!

Bowser: Okay!

Chain Chomplet runs around aimlessly while Bowser attempts to find red coins around the village.

Bowser: Hey, you! Gimme a red coin!

Random Pianta: There weren’t any green Mushrooms up there… not even one.

Bowser: UP WHERE?!

Random Pianta: All I saw was a red coin.

Bowser: WHERE?!

Random Pianta: …

Bowser: Gah… I really hate Piantas.

Bowser breathes fire on the Pianta.

Random Pianta: Ahh!

The random Pianta runs into Delfino Plaza and eventually gets his flame put out by Mario, who is given a blue coin as a reward.

Bowser: Stupid Pianta…

Meanwhile, Chain Chomplet bumps into the mayor of the village.

Chain Chomplet: Arf?

Mayor: Oh, you must be the one who ordered a Shine Sprite! Here you go!

Chain Chomplet: … Arf?

Chain Chomplet tries to jump to the Shine, but can’t.

Mayor: … Why is this competition so stupid?

Meanwhile, Bowser is attempting to climb a tree with a red coin on top of it.

Bowser: Nintendo is so unfair, they let Mario have all the good weapons. All I get is fire breath and a hot tub.

Bowser decides that burning down the tree would be the easiest solution, so he does so. The burning tree lands on the mayor.

Mayor: AYEEE!!!

Pianta Police: Mister Mayor, sir! Are you all right?

Mayor: Groan…

Pianta Police: You! Koopa! You’re under arrest for assaulting the Mayor of the Piantas!

Bowser: You can’t arrest me!

Bowser breathes fire on the police officer.

Pianta Police: Gah!!

Lemmy: King Dad!

Bowser: What, Son? NOBODY is allowed to arrest the King of the Koopas!

Other Pianta Police: Ha!

Bowser: Wha-glug!

Lemmy: You know, I understand King Dad attacked the mayor, but was it really necessary to spray a fire hose at him?

Bowser: You insolent brat! I’ll scorch you!

Bowser tries to breathe fire at the officer, but only smoke comes out.

Bowser: Wha?

Other Pianta Police: The wonders of water.

Bowser: HEY!

Other Pianta Police: Come on. We’ve got to get you to your trial, which, like the last trial we had with Mario, will only have one person speaking for the Delfino government and one judge. You will have no lawyers or chances to speak, there will be no jury, and all your objections will be overruled.

Bowser: WHAT? I thought I rigged that case!

Other Pianta Police: Nope, that’s what all our trials are like. Get a move on.

Bowser: This is mutiny! Lemmy! Help your father! I demand you stop playing that game!

Lemmy is oblivious to his father’s calls as he continues playing Super Mario Galaxy 2.

Chain Chomplet: … Arf?

Lemmy: Huh?

Chain Chomplet: Arf.

Lemmy: Yeah… Since King Dad appears to have been arrested, I guess you win.

Chain Chomplet: Arf!

Lemmy: Yeah, yeah. For you in front of the monitor, here’s who’s left. And go away as soon as possible, I need to beat this boss. Where’s the Fire Flower?

Characters Remaining:

Seed 3: Mecha Bowser
Seed 5: King Boo
Seed 8: Gooper Blooper
Seed 17: Chain Chomplet
Seed 20: Bob-omb
Seed 22: Cataquack
Seed 26: Blooper
Seed 27: Piranha Plant
Seed 31: Soarin’ Stu

To Be Continued...

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