Paper Larry: Fall of the Witch

By Larry

Chapter 8: The final Star Spirit! … Nope, snow snow puns! …That was terrible…

The group and Klevar are near a warp pipe in Toad Town.

Klevar: Now then, the last Star Spirit is in the Crystal Palace on top of Shiver Mountain. To get there, you must find a warp pipe in the sewers that leads to Shiver City. You should be able to find your way to Shiver Mountain easily from there.

Larry: Can I please have an ability?

Klevar: Nope.avi.

Klevar flies away.

Larry: … Stupid Star Spirits…

Pyro: Mph mphh mphh mph mph mphh mphh?

Larry: I can’t kill them. I told you between chapters, I need them to stop Bowletta.

Pyro: Mpph mphh mph mphh mphhph!

Larry: That was uncalled for… Let’s just go…

The five enter the sewers.

Culex: Why is there a warp pipe to Shiver City in the sewers?

Larry: Why are you so ugly?

Culex: You’re such a bully! *sobs*

Shy Ranger: *pats Culex’s arm* It’s okay, big guy.

Larry: I wonder if that’s the right warp pipe?

Larry points to a blue warp pipe with icicles on it.

Iggy: Probably not…

Shy Ranger: Let’s just give it a shot…

The five enter the warp pipe and end up in a snowy city inhabited by Bumpties.

Larry: That was easy… Let’s see…

Larry looks into the horizon and sees a forbidding mountain to the east.

Larry: Okay then, let’s head east!

The five do so, and run into a Bumpty guarding the path.

Bumpty: None shall pass!

Larry: What?

Bumpty: None shall pass!

Larry: I have no quarrel with you, but I must go this way.

Bumpty: Well, you can’t.

Larry: *sigh* Why?

Bumpty: You need the mayor’s permission. * points to a nearby house* He lives there!

Larry: Why?

Bumpty: That’s just how things are!

Larry: … Fine.

The five head to the house and Culex punches the door off its hinges.

Larry: Why did you do that?

Culex: I have built up anger I have to get out of my system!!!

Iggy: Yeesh, first sad, now you’re angry? Can someone say “mood swing”?

Pyro: Mpph mppph.

Iggy: …

The five see a dead Bumpty on the floor.

Shy Ranger: Oh my God!

Culex: Ahhhhh!!! *like a little girl*

A female Bumpty comes in from another room.

Female Bumpty: What’s with all the noise? *notices dead Bumpty* Aahhhh!!! You killed my husband!

Larry: *dropping a bloody knife from nowhere* It was an accident, I swear!

Shy Ranger: Where did you get that?!

Larry: Pyro, burn the evidence!

Pyro: Mph!

Pyro takes out his flamethrower and sets the house on fire. The “dead” Bumpty gets up.

Mayor: That was a nice nap, I- WHY IS THE HOUSE ON FIRE?!

Larry: Oops.

Larry puts the door back in the doorframe as the five run east to the guard.

Bumpty: What did you do?!

Larry: Shut up! Nose hairs!

Larry smacks him aside with his nose hairs and the five run past and enter Shiver Snowfield. They keep walking, but soon a voice stops them.

???: Hey, stop!!!

The five turn around to see Jr. Troopa.

Larry: For the love of… How did you survive Dodo crashing into you?!

Jr. Troopa: I’m just determined!

Larry: …

Jr. Troopa takes out a magic stick.

Jr. Troopa: Die!

He fires geometric shapes at Larry, who simply sidesteps.

Jr. Troopa: Ah, crud…

Larry hits Jr. Troopa with his nose hairs, and he’s sent flying.

Jr. Troopa: I’ll be baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Larry: Seriously, that kid is annoying!

Pyro: *muffled question*

Larry: I COULD do that, but Lemmy would reject this update in a heartbeat.

The five trudge onwards, but Shy Ranger stops in his tracks.

Shy Ranger: I feel like we’re being followed.

Culex: That’s probably me, I’m wal…floating behind you.

Shy Ranger: Not you… Someone else. Come out, now!

A figure comes out from a nearby trees. The person is wearing dark clothing and has an orange mask with a swirl pattern.

Man: Uh… hi!

Larry: Who are you?

Man: I… am Tobi!

Quintet: …

Tobi: I’ve been following you in hopes of joining you!

Larry: Why?

Tobi: Boredom mostly…

Larry: … Seems legit. All right, you can join!


Larry: Stop that!

… Fine.

Shy Ranger: Who are you, exactly?

Tobi: That’s not really important. Silly goose.

Larry: He appears to be comic relief, so he’s probably harmless.

???: Roaaarrr!!!

Larry: What the…?

A monster appears!

Monstar: Roar!

Tobi and Culex: *in high-pitched voices* Aaahhh!!!

Tobi jumps in the air and kicks Monstar in the face, then lands on the ground and elbows Monstar in the gut.

Monstar: Ow! You’re mean! Waaah!

Monstar splits into a bunch of Star Kids, who fly away.

Larry: What just happened?

Shy Ranger: They flew to those buildings on the horizon.

Larry: Let’s see what that was all about…

The sextet start to head towards the buildings.

Larry: I just noticed, our group reminds me of a trope!

Tobi: Huh?

Iggy: Ugh, Larry’s been comparing everything to a trope between chapters.

Larry: We’re a Five-Man Band! I’m The Hero. Iggy is The Lancer. Shy Ranger is The Smart Guy. Culex is The Big Guy. Pyro is…um … The Team Pet!

Pyro: *muffled angry words*

Larry: That was mean. Anyway, Tobi is The Sixth Ranger!

Tobi: Yay! Sixth Ranger!

At this point, the team are close, and are passing by some snowmen.

Iggy: What was the point of that?

Shy Ranger: Filler.

Iggy: Ah.

The six arrive at Starborn Valley.

Ninji: Hello! Welcome to-

Larry: Yeah, that’s great. Does anyone here know how to get to the Crystal Palace?

Ninji: Try asking Merle, he is very wise. * points to a nearby house* He lives there.

Larry: Thanks.

They enter the house and see Merle.

Merle: Hello, how may I help you?

Larry: How do we get to the Crystal Palace?

Merle: You saw the snowmen on the way here, correct?

Larry: Yes.

Merle: Give them what they are missing.

Larry: … Just tell us what to do.

Merle: You must find out on your own.

Larry: … Fine.

The six leave the house and walk to the outskirts of Starborn Valley, when an explosion destroys the area.

Shy Ranger: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Larry: That jerk didn’t help us, so I left a bomb there.

Pyro: *staring at the flames, gives a muffled compliment to Larry*

Larry: Thank you, Pyro.

Shy Ranger: … You’re sick in the head…

Larry: Yeah, pretty much… It doesn’t matter, I think I know what to do…

Larry approaches the snowmen and puts a bucket on the snowman without a bucket, and a scarf on the snowman without a scarf.

Culex: Where did you get those?

Larry: My shell.

Shy Ranger: Yeah, but where-

The ground starts shaking, interrupting Shy Ranger.

Tobi: What’s going on? I’m scared!

The snowmen jump to the sides, the ice wall behind them shakes, and a small section opens like a door.

Larry: Neat.

The sextet go through the doorway, and are now on Shiver Mountain.

White Clubba: Die!

He swings his weapon at the group, but Tobi catches it.

Tobi: Not today…

He snatches the weapon and uses it to kill the White Clubba.

Larry: Usually I kill the generic enemies…

Tobi: Sorry!

The six keep going up the mountain until they reach a small cave. They enter and see a small stone star entrapped in ice. Suddenly a ghost appears.

Ghost: I am Madam Merlar, protector of the Star Stone.

Larry: Star Stone?

Iggy: What’s that?

Madam Merlar: The Star Stone is needed to get to the Crystal Palace.

Larry: Neat! Can we have it?

Madam Merlar: Yes, but first you must listen to my story. So, I was going to a party and that pig Memlar was wearing the same dress as me! The nerve of her! So, I was all like “Oh no you di’int!” and I… …. …. .. . ….with … … ….tomato… … … ..bucket of … … … whale hunting…. … … …deriving……… … ….bouncy….

At this point everyone has fallen asleep except for Pyro, who is listening intently.

Pyro: *nodding and occasionally mumbling something positive*

Madam Merlar: *after about an hour of talking* …so I ate the apple and everyone died! … Hey! Are all of you listening?!

Everyone who was asleep wakes up.

Larry: Yeah.

Shy Ranger: Of course.

Culex: Mmhmm.

Iggy: Yes.

Tobi: No.

Madam Merlar: *ignoring Tobi* Good! Now then, there’s an indent in the wall in front of you. Put the Star Stone there to make a staircase to the Crystal Palace appear! Bye!

She leaves, and the ice around the Star Stone vanishes. Larry picks it up and places it in the indent. The wall opens up and reveals a staircase. They go up the stairs and arrive at the bottom of a hill; on top of the hill is Crystal Palace.

Larry: The Crystal Palace…

Culex: The Crystal Palace…

Shy Ranger: The Crystal Palace…

Tobi: It’s only a model…

Larry: Shh!

The sextet go up to the palace and through the large double doors. They enter a large hallway with a mirror in place of a left wall.

Larry: Creepy…

He looks and sees his reflection wink at him.

Larry: What in DAD’s name?!

Tobi: Huh?

Iggy: What is it?

Pyro: Mph?

Larry: My reflection winked at me!

Shy Ranger: That’s not possible.

Culex: Your eyes are just playing tricks on you.

Everyone turns to Larry and doesn’t notice all the reflections are laughing at them.

Larry: Oh come on! We live in a world where turtles fly and there are wizards and stuff, yet a living reflection is impossible?

Culex: Yeah, pretty much.

Larry: …

As the group turns to go onward, the reflections start acting normal again, occasionally winking at each other when no one is looking. When the group goes to the next room, the reflections stay behind and turn into Duplighosts.

Duplighost #1: Man, that was too funny!

Duplighost #2: I know, did you see the look on his face! Priceless!

The sextet enter a room with six different Duplighosts in it.

Duplighost #1: They’re here! Do it!

The Duplighosts change into the sextet!

Larry: I’ll never be able to tell my friends apart from my foes!

Larry turns around and punches Shy Ranger into a wall.

Shy Ranger: How could you mistake me for one of them?! I was behind you!

Larry: My hand slipped.

Shy Ranger: …

Iggy?: They’re stupid…

Culex?: Yeah…

Shy Ranger: We COULD just fight our doppelgangers to avoid confusion…

Larry?:  … I’m out.

Tobi?: Me too.

Shy Ranger?: Stupid Shy Ranger…

Pyro?: Mph!

The doppelgangers leave.

Larry: That was anticlimactic…

Tobi: Why complain?

Larry: Good point…

The six enter the next room, inhabited by three Albino Rhinos.

Larry: I read the instruction guide, these guys are just sta-

An Albino Rhino rams into Larry, sending him painfully into a wall.

Larry: Ow…

Shy Ranger: Actually, Albino Rhinos were originally supposed to be enemies.

Larry: Oh…

The Albino Rhino rams into Larry again as the other two charge at the group.

Culex: I got it! I got it!

One of the Albino Rhinos charges at Culex, who tries grabbing it by the jaws, but it’s too strong and it sends him into a wall.

Iggy: Way to go, Culex…

Tobi: I’ve got this!

Tobi lunges at the last Albino Rhino while making over-the-top kung fu noises, and roundhouse kicks it into the wall, killing it.

Shy Ranger: How did he do that?!

Pyro: Mpph mmph mphhhphph! *claps*

Tobi: Stop it! I’m blushing!

Culex spits flames into his Albino Rhino’s open mouth and kills it, while Larry kills his with nose hairs.

Larry: Again, quite anticlimactic.

The six walk to the other side of the room and notice the faint sound of an organ playing in the next room.

Larry: That’s ominous…

Larry opens the door and the sextet enter a large room with a large organ made of ice in the middle. Whoever is playing the organ is hidden behind the large instrument.

Larry: I’ll assume this is the boss.

Iggy: Probably.

Larry: Hey! Stop playing your organ and fight us!

The music abruptly stops, and the organ vanishes, revealing the Crystal King sitting on a throne of ice.

Crystal King: I see you’ve arrived. The “hero” and his group.

Larry: Why did you use those quotation marks?

Crystal King: You may think what you’re doing is right, going against Bowletta and the Knights. You’re really making everything worse.

Larry is suddenly sitting in a fancy chair while wearing fancy clothes and a top hat, and is holding a cane.

Larry: That is simply not true, that is the least fancy thing I’ve ever heard. Super Fist of Fancy: Cane Smack!

Larry jumps at Crystal King and smacks him in his invisible head with his cane, though only causing Crystal King to flinch from the blow. Larry jumps back.

Crystal King: Are you quite done?

Larry: I guess…

Crystal King: Now then, I think it would be better for you to give up, Plit will probably be better off without you interfering with the Knights.

Larry: What makes you say that?

Crystal King: I had a conversation with the person trying to kill you, and I agree with his point of view.

Larry: What did he say?

Crystal King: It doesn’t matter, because you will die here with that question on your lips.

Crystal King stands up and raises his arms, causing large, sharp icicles to appear floating in thin air.

Larry: I’ll need some help here!

Iggy: Right.

Pyro: *nods* Mph!

Culex: Okay!

The four of them unleash a burst of fire at Crystal King as he sends the icicles at the group. Crystal King and his icicles are engulfed in fire, but the icicles don’t melt and continue to fly at the group.

Larry: Scatter!

Everyone manages to dodge the projectiles. Crystal King is unharmed by the fire.

Crystal King: It will take hotter flames than that to harm me.

Larry: I call hax!

Iggy: Me too!

Tobi: I have an idea!

Tobi takes out a small white ball and throws it at Crystal King, who makes a wall of ice appear. The white ball explodes on impact with the wall, but doesn’t leave a scratch. The wall then vanishes.

Larry: What was that?

Tobi: A special bomb I use.

Larry: Ah.

Crystal King summons large blocks of ice and sends them at the party.

Larry: Watch out!

Everyone manages to dodge except Culex, who is slammed into a wall.

Culex: I’m okay… ow…

Larry: Someone has to sneak up on him…

Shy Ranger: I’ll do it!

Shy Ranger takes out a Stealth Boy and becomes invisible.

Crystal King: Hmm? Where did he go…?

Shy Ranger sneaks up behind Crystal King and kicks him in the back, sending him to the floor.

Crystal King: Gah!

Larry: Go, nose hairs!

Larry sends his nose hairs at Crystal King and smacks him into a wall.

Crystal King: Impressive, but not enough to defeat me.

Crystal King focuses and is encased into ice as a large dragon.

Larry: Well that’s just weird…


Culex: All right, guys, I’m going in!

Culex charges at Ice Dragon, launching purple fireballs at the beast that barely seem to do anything. Ice Dragon grabs Culex and starts smashing him into the floor and walls.

Larry: Pyro, go help him!

Pyro: *takes out his Sharpened Volcano Fragment* Mphh!

Pyro charges at Ice Dragon and chops at his neck with the fragment, causing the beast’s head to fall off. Ice Dragon melts and Culex falls to the floor. Crystal King is laying in the puddle that was Ice Dragon.

Crystal King: I won’t let you win…

Crystal King summons a countless amount of ice needles.

Crystal King: I’ll kill you all!

He launches the needles.

Shy Ranger: We can’t dodge all those needles!

Larry: I have an idea! Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Super Shield!

A giant teddy bear appears and somehow stops the needles. It then vanishes.

Crystal King: How is that possible?

Larry: Magic. *snort snort*

Crystal King: No matter, once I destroy you, this world will be a better place!

Crystal King summons an ice sword and charges at the group. Pyro tries to hit Crystal King with his fragment, but Crystal King ducks under the swing and smacks Pyro in the face with the flat of his sword, knocking Pyro out.

Crystal King: Pitiful.

Shy Ranger and Culex rush at Crystal King, who picks up Shy Ranger with his free hand and uses him to hit Culex in the face. The impact knocks Shy Ranger out and sends Culex into a wall. Crystal King then throws Shy Ranger in Culex’s face, knocking him out.

Crystal King: Are you even trying?

Crystal King sends a blast of ice at Iggy, freezing him in place. Tobi rushes at Crystal King, but he whacks Tobi with the flat of his sword and knocks him out.

Larry: This does not look good…

Crystal King: Your death will make Plit a better place…

Crystal King charges at Larry, who smacks him with his nose hairs.

Crystal King: Gah!

Crystal King swings at Larry, who dodges and blocks with nose hairs.

Crystal King: Give up!

Larry: No!

Larry breathes fire at Crystal King, doing a lot of damage and melting the sword.

Crystal King: AAGGHH!!!

Crystal King collapses, then slowly rises.

Crystal King: Darn it… I can’t fight anymore…

Crystal King focuses, and a Star Spirit card appears.

Crystal King: Take it, take it and continue your terrible existence.

Crystal King focuses again, and all of Larry’s teammates are returned to normal.

Iggy: Brrr…

Culex: Ow… My head…

Pyro: Mpph mph mph mphh!

Larry: I don’t understand, what did the one who wants to kill me say?!

Crystal King says nothing, but vanishes in a flash of light.

Larry: It sure was rude of him to give me… *puts on sunglasses* the cold shoulder.

Unseen Singer: YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Everyone Else: …

Larry touches the Star Spirit card, and Kalmar is freed!

Kalmar: Tha-

Larry: Shut up, fuzz face! The chapter is over!

Kalmar: …

End of chapter! Who exactly is Tobi? Who is the mysterious stranger who talked to Crystal King? Why does he want Larry dead so badly? Where did Crystal King go? You might find out the answer to one of these questions in Chapter 9: Fall of the Witch!

Chapter 9: Fall of the Witch!

Larry and Co. are with Kalmar in the middle of Toad Town. On their way there, Larry explained to Tobi everything from the beginning of the story to the last chapter.

Iggy: Wait, why are we here?

Larry: Shh!

Kalmar: I can’t thank you enough for saving us all!

Larry: Does this mean I FINALLY get an ability?!

Kalmar: No, but we will aid you in the final battle against Bowletta!

Larry: I guess that’s better than nothing… How will we get to Bowletta’s Castle?

Kalmar: Go to Shooting Star Summit! We will provide transportation!

Kalmar flies off.

Larry: Are you all ready for the final battle?

Shy Ranger: You bet I am!

Iggy: You know it!

Culex: I’m pumped!

Pyro: MPPPH!

Tobi: I’m excited!

Larry: All right then, let’s go!

The six walk to Shooting Star Summit, where the Star Spirits are waiting for them.

Eldstar: Ah, you’re here.

Larry: Enough talk, how are we going to get to the castle?

Skolar: We will provide you with a ride.

A blue chariot with wings appears.

Eldstar: This vehicle will take you to Bowletta’s Castle! Hop in!

The six do so, and the vehicle starts flying at a high speed toward Bowletta’s Castle. The Star Spirits then vanish. Everyone failed to notice that The G-Man was watching. He smiles, straightens his tie, and vanishes.

Larry: Hey, I can see my house from up here!

Iggy: Me too!

Shy Ranger: Guys, we need to focus, we’re almost there!

The vehicle crashes into the castle below Peach’s castle, going slightly through the wall. Luckily the group hold on to the sides of the vehicle and avoid getting sent flying.

Larry: That was lucky. We skipped most of the stage.

Culex: Yeah, most of the stage is so boring, it would be hard to make it entertaining.

Larry: So, where do we go from here?

???: Hey! You!

Larry: Huh?

The six get out of the vehicle and see a stone door with Bowletta’s head on it.

Door: It looks like you finally showed up! Get this fool, boys!

Three Koopatrols appear.

Koopatrols: Die!

Larry whips them away with nose hairs.

Larry: Lame.

Door: Darn!

The door opens. The six go up a small staircase and enter a room with a second door.

Second Door: You may have gotten past my younger brother, but you will die here!

???: Wait! I’ll handle them!

Everyone Else: Huh?

Jr. Troopa appears!

Jr. Troopa: I’m back!

Larry: …*screams a stream of swears*

Culex: Hey, calm down!

Larry: Sorry.

Tobi: Who is this? He’s adorable!

Jr. Troopa: Whu?

Tobi picks up Jr. Troopa.

Tobi: I’m gonna name him Stan and feed him a diet of peanut butter and hugs!

Jr. Troopa: Let me go!

Tobi throws Jr. Troopa into a wall.


Jr. Troopa: Guba!

Larry: That’s it! I’m sick of this kid! I’ll handle this once and for all!!!

Jr. Troopa: Just try-

Larry sprints at Jr. Troopa and elbows him in the face. Jr. Troopa grows wings and flies at Larry, but he breathes fire and burns Jr. Troopa’s wings off. Jr. Troopa charges at Larry, bending forward so his now-spiked shell is pointing at the Royal Koopa. Larry catches Jr. Troopa by the spike and swings him around, eventually throwing him out the window.


Everyone but Larry: … Wow…

Larry: He’s finally taken care of!

Second Door: I… I guess you can pass…

The second door opens and the group go through the door and up another small staircase, entering a room with a third door.

Third Door: In order to get past me, you must each answer these questions three!

Larry: Didn’t P.T. already-

Third Door: Shh!

Larry: … I guess I’ll go-

Culex: No, I’ll go! Just in case the questions are hard!

Larry: Are you calling me stupid?

Culex: Yes.

Larry: …

Culex: Ask me the questions!

Third Door: What is your name?

Culex: Culex.

Third Door: What is your quest?

Culex: To kill Bowletta!

Third Door: What… is your favorite color?

Culex: Red.

Third Door: Okay, you’re free to pass.

Culex: Huh. That was easy…

The door opens and Culex goes through, the door then closes.

Third Door: Who is next?

Iggy: This is easy! I’ll go next!

Third Door: What is your name?

Iggy: Iggy Koopa.

Third Door: What is your quest?

Iggy: To kill Bowletta!

Third Door: What… is the capital of Sarasaland?

Iggy: … I don’t know that!

A trapdoor opens under Iggy’s feet and he falls in.

Iggy: Aaaaahhhh!!!

The trapdoor closes.

Larry: Where did Iggy go?

Third Door: That’s not important. Who is next?

Pyro: Mph mph!

Third Door: What is your name?

Pyro: Mmmph mpph mph Mppho!

Third Door: What is your quest?

Pyro: Mpph mph mppph mph mphh!

Third Door: What… is your favorite color?

Pyro: Mpph!

Third Door: … I didn’t understand any of those answers, so I’ll just assume you answered them all wrong.

Pyro: Mpph?!

The trapdoor opens, and Pyro falls in.


Third Door: Who is next?

Tobi: Ooh! Ooh! Me!

Third Door: What is your name?

Tobi: Tobi!

Third Door: What is your quest?

Tobi: To kill Bowletta!

Third Door: What… is your favorite color?

Tobi: Red. No wait, gre-

The trapdoor opens and Tobi falls in.

Tobi: AAAHHHH!!!

Larry and Shy Ranger: …

Third Door: Who is next?

Larry: I’ll go next!

Third Door: What is your name?

Larry: Larry Koopa.

Third Door: What is your quest?

Larry: To kill Bowletta!

Third Door: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?

Larry: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Third Door: What? I don’t know that!

The door explodes.

Larry: Didn’t see that coming…

Larry and Shy Ranger go through the busted open doorway and see Culex waiting on top of Bowser’s castle, outside of Peach’s Castle.

Culex: Where are the others?

Larry: They didn’t get through…

Culex: Where are they?

Suddenly a nearby patch of grass opens up, and the rest of the group comes out of it.

Iggy: We’re back!

Tobi: Good thing I found that secret passageway!

Pyro: Mpph mpph!

Larry: That was convenient…

The six enter Peach’s Castle and go up the stairs until they reach the room where Bowletta crashed into the castle in the prologue. Bowletta herself is there.

Bowletta: Eyahaha! You’re finally here!

Larry: Bowletta… You’re… here…

Bowletta: Is there a problem?

Larry: I was expecting a more End Boss-esque area to fight.

Bowletta: Does it really matter?

Larry: I guess not…

Tobi: THIS is Bowletta? She is UGLY!

Bowletta: WHAT?! I’ll make you pay for that!

Bowletta roars and charges at the group. Culex charges at Bowletta and the two meet in the middle and grab each other’s hands in an effort to push the other back. Bowletta breathes fire in Culex’s face, forcing him to let go. Bowletta then grabs Tobi by the leg and uses him to smack Culex into a wall and Pyro to the ground. Shy Ranger jumps on Bowletta’s back, avoiding the spikes on her shell, and starts choking her from behind. Bowletta purposely falls on her back in an attempt to get Shy Ranger off, and he jumps off at the last second. Then, before Bowletta can get up, Shy Ranger ground pounds her stomach.

Bowletta: Guba!

Bowletta is forced to let go of Tobi, who crawls out of her reach. Bowletta swats Shy Ranger off her stomach and gets up. Larry and Iggy charge at Bowletta, who breathes a column of fire at them. Larry manages to jump over it, but Iggy is hit full force and collapses. While in the air, Larry unleashes some nose hairs to hit Bowletta to the ground, Larry then lands on Bowletta’s neck.

Bowletta: Gyah… *chokes slightly and has a coughing fit*

Larry jumps off Bowletta, who slowly gets to her feet.

Bowletta: I’ve had enough of this!

Bowletta takes out the Star Rod and becomes invincible! The team is unfazed.

Bowletta: What the…? Why aren’t you afraid?

Larry: Star Spirits! Do it now!

The Star Spirits appear and form a circle above Bowletta’s head. A magical beam of light is summoned that hits Bowletta, returning her to her normal self! The Star Spirits then vanish.

Bowletta: Ack! What’s going on?!

Larry: Thanks to the Star Spirits, your Star Rod is useless.

Bowletta: N-No! That’s not possible!

The Koopa Clown Copter appears and Bowletta hops it. She then flies out the window and up to the roof.

Larry: We can’t let her get away!

Larry gives everyone a Max Mushroom, and the sextet go to the end of the hall and up the staircase. They come out on a balcony on a tower. A bridge leads from the balcony to a platform the size of a football stadium. Bowletta, Kameo, and Princess Peach are on said platform. Peach is tied up and gagged, so she can only give a muffled cheer. The sextet go across the bridge, which collapses behind them.

Bowletta: Eyahaha!

Larry: What are you laughing about? We can stop the Star Rod’s power!

Bowletta: This platform isn’t just for show! With it, the Star Rod and myself become more powerful! Eyahahaha!

Larry: Crud…

Bowletta: On top of that, there’s an old friend here to see you!

A tall, red haired man wearing a black cloak with red clouds on it appears.

Man: We meet again…

Larry: Who are you?

Man: It is I, Sasori.

Shy Ranger: Impossible, we killed you!

Sasori: What you defeated was merely a puppet, which I was hiding in.

Larry: Oh. Well… crud… again. Well, there are too many people here for the writer’s terrible fight scene skills, so how about Kameo and…*thinks for a moment* Shy Ranger duke it out? Then, whoever loses can send out another opponent to fight.

Bowletta: Seems fair.

Kameo: I’ll destroy you!

Shy Ranger: If you say so…

Kameo gets on his magic broom and flies above Shy Ranger, cackling maniacally. Shy Ranger jumps up at him.

Kameo: How can you jump so high?!

Shy Ranger rams into the broom, breaking it in half. Kameo falls flat on his face while Shy Ranger lands gracefully.

Kameo: Well… I can’t really do anything else but make weak blocks…

Shy Ranger: You’re pretty lame.

Kameo: I know…

Shy Ranger karate chops Kameo’s neck and he is knocked unconscious.

Bowletta: … Well that stunk. Sasori, your turn.

Sasori: With pleasure.

Larry: Pyro and Tobi, you two go!

Pyro: Mpph mph mph mppph!

Tobi: This will be fun!

Sasori: You cannot win.

Tobi: Why do all the villains say that?

Pyro: *shrugs* Mpph mph mph.

Sasori lunges at Pyro and lifts him in the air by his throat.

Pyro: Mpph… mpph… mph!

Tobi kicks Sasori in the side, forcing him to let go of Pyro. Tobi then charges at Sasori, who takes off his cloak.

Tobi: What the…?

Pyro: Mpph mppph?!

Sasori has a strange white circle on his chest, and his stomach is open to reveal a black cable with a spiked end, and poles with circular blades on his hips.

Larry: What IS this guy?

Sasori: I am a puppet.

Culex: That’s creepy…

The cable comes out of Sasori’s stomach and goes for Tobi.

Tobi: Aaahh!

Tobi runs away as the cable chases him.

Tobi: Pyro, help me!

Pyro: Mpph!

Pyro takes out his handy-dandy Fire Axe and swings at the cable, but it’s too strong and is not affected. Tobi stops, turns around, and grabs the cable, pulling at it and causing Sasori to get pulled toward him. Tobi gives a mighty yank, causing Sasori to come flying at the Sixth Ranger, who punches him as hard as he can in the face. Sasori’s face cracks slightly and Tobi yanks the cord again, but Sasori kicks Tobi in the stomach, forcing him to let go. Pyro sneaks up on Sasori and hits him on the back of the head with The Homewrecker, causing him to fall forward. Tobi knees him in the chest before he can fall to the floor, and then lets him collapse.

Tobi: Give up?

Sasori: No…

Sasori leaps away from the duo and extends his arms outward, opening up his hands. His palms open up.

Tobi: What the…?

Fire comes out of the holes. Tobi jumps above the flame but Pyro is hit.

Tobi: Pyro!

Pyro is completely engulfed by the flames, but he charges at Sasori and hits him away with The Homewrecker.

Tobi: Oh yeah, fireproof. Duh. I think it’s time I ended this!

Tobi grabs Sasori by the neck and lifts him up in the air.

Tobi: Time to end this.

Sasori: Even if you kill me, it won’t change anything. You will die here.

Tobi: *speaks so only Sasori can hear him, his voice getting deeper* I highly doubt that.

Sasori: What…?

Tobi: You don’t know who I am, do you? Look into my eye…

Tobi’s eyehole glows red, Sasori looks frightened.

Sasori: Who are you?

Tobi: Let’s just say I’m on your side.

Sasori: Then why are you doing this?

Tobi: I have to in order to be a good spy… *regular voice* Help me out, Pyro!

Pyro: Mpph!

Tobi moves out of the way as Pyro, who is now behind Sasori, makes some hand movements and performs a Hadouken. Sasori is hit and, not only set on fire, but is launched to the edge of the platform. Luckily for him, the parts of him that were on fire fell off, sparing his life, but rendering him unable to move.

Sasori: Ugh…

Bowletta: Well that stinks. No matter! I will still destroy you all!

Larry: I doubt that. Iggy and Culex will help me kill you one and for all!

Bowletta: I don’t think so! This is no ordinary platform!

Bowletta uses her foot to press a small button on the platform, which starts glowing. Bowletta cackles and grows three times her size, and has a faint blue aura around her.

Bowletta: Eyahahaha! This platform gives strength to me and the Star Rod! Eyahaha!

Larry: Crud…

Culex: I can still take her!

Culex charges at Bowletta, who grabs the demon and picks him up. Culex breathes purple fire in Bowletta’s face, which forces her to let go and cover her eyes in an attempt to stop the pain. Larry hits Bowletta with his nose hairs while Iggy hits her with small blasts from his wand. Bowletta recovers from the attack and smacks Iggy away and stomps on Larry. Culex hurls small meteors enveloped in purple flames at Bowletta, who turns around so her shell absorbs the attack. Bowletta shoots flames at the trio, who all dodge the attack. Bowletta charges at Culex, who hurls another meteor at her, but she simply swats it at Iggy, who doesn’t dodge in time and is knocked to the ground. Bowletta rams into Culex and knocks him to the ground as well.

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Chugga Chugga Choo Choo!

Larry gets into a bullet train that hits Bowletta, doing critical damage.

Bowletta: GUBA! Th-That’s it!

Bowletta takes out the Star Rod and becomes invincible.

Larry: Star Spirits! Help!

The Star Spirits appear again and form a circle above Bowletta’s head. A magical beam of light is summoned that hits Bowletta… but nothing happens!

Eldstar: Impossible!

Misstar: What’s going on?!

Bowletta: Eyahaha! Fools! The platform makes the Star Rod stronger, remember?

Larry: Oh yeah…

Iggy: What can we do?!

Larry: I have an idea!

Larry throws salt on the Star Spirits.

Skolar: What was the point of that?

Klevar: Ow! Some got in my eyes!

Larry: Try it now!

Eldstar: Uh… Okay, I guess we might as well!

The Star Spirits fire their Salty Beam at Bowletta, causing her to become vulnerable again!

Bowletta: How in the world does that work?!

Instead of answering, Larry jumps in the air and kicks Bowletta in the eye. Iggy shoots a beam from his wand that hits her other eye.

Bowletta: GRRAAAGH! Stop hitting my eye!

Culex punches her in the left eye.

Bowletta: Agh! Why you little…!

Bowletta picks up Culex and starts squeezing him. Larry takes a brick out of his shell and slams it onto Bowletta’s left foot. Bowletta lets go of Culex, who punches her in the gut. Bowletta is momentarily paralyzed, allowing Larry, Iggy, and Culex to shoot flames at her together. Bowletta takes a lot of damage and falls on her back.

Bowletta: Gah!

Larry: You never were a very good fighter…

Culex: Just give up.

Bowletta struggles, but manages to get up.

Bowletta: No… I refuse to lose!

Tobi: Why are all villains so stubborn?

Shy Ranger: A better question would be why we always ask if they want to give up, even though we already know the answer.

Tobi: … Good point.

Bowletta takes out the Star Rod.

Larry: Silly Bowletta, your invincibility won’t work!

Bowletta: That’s not what I’m doing!

Larry: Zuh?

Bowletta waves the Star Rod and starts growing… and growing… and growing! Soon she’s roughly the size of Mega Baby Bowser from Yoshi’s Island. Bowletta is now using Peach’s Castle to stand on, while the upper half of her body takes up half the platform.


Bowletta roar is so powerful, everyone is forced back. Peach can’t handle and is sent flying backward, but Tobi catches her and she gives a muffled thanks. By the time the roar ends, everyone but Tobi and Peach are laying down.

Iggy: That was… pretty intense. How’s my hair?

Larry: Horrible. As always. *ignores a slight sob from Iggy* How can we beat THAT?


A laser beam from the sky hits Bowletta in the face, only doing minimal damage.

Shy Ranger: What was that?

???: It looks like we came just in time!

Everyone looks up to see Q. Ghost flying toward the platform. Next to Q. Ghost is a fully recovered Dodo carrying Bundt and Raspberry.

Dodo: I’m back!

Bundt and Raspberry: So are we!

The four join up with the group.

Larry: What are you guys doing here?

Q. Ghost: Well, soon after you made me stay at the mansion, it was burned down! I was the only survivor. I was wandering around Toad Town when I saw a blue vehicle flying towards Bowletta’s Castle, so I followed you. Dodo was at a buffet, about to eat Bundt and Raspberry.

Bundt: It was horrible…

Dodo: I said I was sorry! I thought you were just a regular cake!

Q. Ghost: So, I convinced them to come along, and here we are! … Say, what’s with that masked guy?

Tobi: I’m Tobi!

Larry: All right, let’s kick Bowletta’s tail!

Bowletta: EYAHAHA! Fools! A little extra help will do NOTHING!

Bowletta roars again; though not as powerful as her last one, it still manages to shift everyone back a bit.

Tobi: *pointing at Bowletta* Godzilla!!!

Bowletta breathes fire at the group and everyone scatters. Tobi picks up Peach and jumps from the platform to the balcony and drops her off, then returns to the platform. Tobi then takes out some bombs and throws them at Bowletta, who barely feels the explosions. Dodo and Q. Ghost fly around Bowletta. Q. Ghost fires lasers while Dodo dives in and pecks at her face. Nothing really seems to phase her. Bowletta swats Dodo back onto the platform and barely misses Q. Ghost, who rejoins with the group.

Bowletta: Is that all you’ve got?!

Larry: Star Spirits, can’t you make her shrink like you stopped her invincibility?

Eldstar: We can try…

The Star Spirits fire their Salty Beam at Bowletta. It doesn’t shrink her, but at least it does some damage.

Bowletta: AGGHH!!! You meddlesome Star Spirits have gone too far!

Bowletta’s eyes glow and the Star Spirits are trapped in a floating glass orb.

Eldstar: … Well this stinks!

Bowletta: EYAHAHAHA!

Bundt: Shut up!

Bundt uses Diamond Saw on Bowletta, cutting her eye so it is permanently closed and blinded.

Bowletta: ROOOOARRR!!! MY EYE!!!

Bundt: Ahahaha!

Bowletta crushes Bundt with her fist.

Bowletta: You stupid cake!

Bundt and Raspberry: Pain…

Culex flies at Bowletta with his fist enveloped in purple flame. Bowletta raises her arm to swat Culex away, but Raspberry uses multiple Blast attacks and Q. Ghost shoots a barrage of lasers at the arm, slowing it down just enough for Culex to get past and punch Bowletta in the forehead, causing her to jerk her head back slightly.

Bowletta: ROOOAR!!!

Shy Ranger runs up Bowletta’s other arm, shooting a laser gun at her while he does so. Bowletta tries swatting him with her other hand, but he’s too fast for her and throws a bomb in her face. Shy Ranger then jumps back to the platform.

Bowletta: That’s it!!!

Bowletta’s eyes glow and a small army of glass orbs appear and fly at the group. Everyone except Larry and Iggy, who knock the orbs away, are captured.

Tobi: This stinks!

Bundt: Yeah!

Raspberry: We barely got to do anything!

Dodo: I’m hungry…

Bowletta: Eyahaha! What are you going to do now?!

Larry: Um… If we ask you nicely to give up, would you?

Bowletta: Hmm… Let me think… No!

Larry: Darn.

Iggy: Why don’t we just fuse?

Larry: Good idea!

Iggy jumps into Larry, who swallows his brother whole.

Bowletta: For God’s sake! Another fusion?!

Larry starts glowing and shaking.


Tobi: What’s happening?

Culex: They’re fusing!

Larry becomes Liggy, but he’s changed! He’s a seven-foot-tall Koopa with a golden Mohawk and white shell. He wears a blue cap with red armor shoulder pads. His eyes still have swirl patterns instead of pupils and irises and the like. He’s also wearing the Modest Pile Of Hat, but tilted so there’s room for it and his Mohawk.

Liggy: Cool, I’m more powerful than last time!

Bowletta: No matter! I can still defeat you! I’ll just turn invisible!

Bowletta raises her Star Rod, but before she can use it, Liggy shoots a beam of energy from his hand and hits Bowletta’s hand, forcing her to drop the Star Rod.

Bowletta: Gah!

Liggy jumps at Bowletta and punches her in the face, nearly knocking her off the castle. He then shoots energy beams at Bowletta’s torso, leaving large burn marks.

Liggy: You are weak…

Bowletta: Ugh… Pain…

Tobi: Amazing…

Culex: Yeah…

Liggy: I’ll finish this quickly! Super Fist of Fusion: Five Video Game References!!!

Bowletta is enveloped in an 8-Bit world; she is in Super Mario Bros. and is the size of a Koopa. She is also 8-Bit herself.

Bowletta: Did I shrink?

Liggy (off-screen): No, everything else is just bigger!

Bowletta: Huh?

Liggy runs toward Bowletta, and is the size of Mario after getting a Mushroom. He is also 8-Bit.

Bowletta: Uh oh.

Liggy jumps on Bowletta, forcing her into her shell.

Bowletta: Ow!

Liggy kicks Bowletta into an 8-Bit wall. She bounces back and he kicks her again. This goes on until Liggy accidentally kicks her too hard, sending her flying.

Bowletta: Aggghhh!!!

Liggy: Oops. Time for part two of my attack!

The world becomes pitch black. Bowletta continues flying in the air, except she is no longer 8-Bit. Suddenly a large white object appears and Bowletta hits it and is bounced in the opposite direction.

Bowletta: Guba! Ugh… What was that?!

Another white object appears and hits Bowletta away.

Bowletta: Ow! Where am I?!

Liggy (off-screen): Mwahahaha!

Bowletta: Huh?

Bowletta looks toward the source of Liggy’s voice to see him at a control station, controlling the two white objects.

Liggy: Welcome to Pong! Ahahaha!

Bowletta: Why you-

Bowletta hits the other paddle, and the two paddles keep hitting Bowletta until Liggy messes up and she gets past one.

Liggy: Darn! I missed! Oh well, time for part three!

Liggy and Bowletta appear in a desert somewhere. They are now the same size and are both in battle stances.

Voice: Round 1! Fight!

Bowletta: I’ll kick your-

Liggy: Hadouken!

Liggy uses a Hadouken against Bowletta.

Bowletta: Guba!

Before Bowletta can land on the ground, Liggy uses a Shoryuken on her. She yells, and the yell is echoed as she falls to the ground.

Liggy: Time for part four!

Liggy and Bowletta are teleported into space. Bowletta becomes a giant robot Bowletta head while Liggy is in an Arwing.

Bowletta: I’ll destroy you this time!

Liggy: We’ll see about that!

Slippy: Help me, Liggy! Bogies on my tail!


Liggy starts shooting at Bowletta’s eyes. Bowletta retaliates by shooting rings of energy out of her mouth. Liggy dodges them and shoots into Bowletta’s mouth before it can close.

Liggy: Time to use my Smart Bomb!

Star Wolf: Can’t let you do that, Liggy!

Liggy: …

Liggy fires the Smart Bomb at Bowletta and hits her in the middle of the head, causing her to explode.

Liggy: Time for the final part!

Liggy and Bowletta appear in a boxing ring and both of them have boxing gloves on.

Bowletta: What the…?

Liggy: Welcome to Punch-Out!!

Bowletta: I won’t lose this time!

Liggy and Bowletta go to the center of the ring. A referee (not Mario) appears.

Referee: Fight!

The referee vanishes and Bowletta punches at Liggy, who dodges and punches Bowletta in the face, stunning her and allowing Liggy to punch her repeatedly in the stomach. Bowletta recovers and punches Liggy in the face. She tries to attack again, but Liggy punches her in the stomach before she can and he gets a star. Liggy uses the Star Punch against Bowletta, knocking her down. The referee appears again.

Referee: One… T-

Bowletta gets up.

Referee: Fight!

He vanishes again as Bowletta punches Liggy in the face. Bowletta then laughs and Liggy punches her in the face and gets another star. Liggy uses it and knocks Bowletta down a second time. The referee appears.

Referee: One-

Bowletta gets up and swats the referee away and charges at Liggy.

Bowletta: I’LL DESTROY YOU!!!

Liggy waits until the final moment and gives Bowletta a hard punch to the gut.

Bowletta: Guh… Gyah…

Bowletta collapses. The two are teleported back to the platform and return to their normal selves.

Culex: They came back!

Shy Ranger: It looks like Bowletta’s down for the count!

Bowletta: Augh… My head…

She gets up.

Liggy: I can’t stay in this form for much longer!

Bowletta: I’ll… I’ll kill you!!!

Bowletta breathes a pillar of fire at Liggy, who turns sideways like he’s made of paper and dodges it.

Shy Ranger: Is that the first time it’s been acknowledged we’re all paper-like in this story?

Liggy: I believe so. Enough about that, though. Time to finish this!

Liggy charges at Bowletta and his fist glows. He punches her in the face, making her skid and bounce to the edge of the platform. Liggy then splits up.

Larry: I think we beat her!

Bowletta: Augh…

The glass orbs vanish and everyone is freed.

Eldstar: Larry, you did it!

Culex: That wasn’t too bad!

Pyro: Mpph mph mppphpphph!

Bowletta: Eya…ha…ha…ha…

Everyone Else: Hmm?

Bowletta: I… have… one last trick… up my sleeve. When… I’m b-beaten… the platform explodes!!!

Everyone Else: What?!

The platform starts glowing and Kameo wakes up.

Kameo: What did I miss?

On the bottom of the platform, Chef Torte, Apprentice, and Jr. Troopa are hanging on to the platform. Don’t ask me how they got there.

Apprentice: Hey, why is this thing glowing…?

Chef Torte: Who cares, let’s go!

Jr. Troopa: I’ll get that Larry!

Bowletta: DIE, LARRY!!!

The platform explodes. Sasori, Kameo, Jr. Troopa, and Apprentice all die instantly. Chef Torte survives but is sent flying away. Larry, his group, the Star Spirit, and Peach are all blown away. Bowletta’s body disintegrates. Cackletta’s Spirit appears and is destroyed by the explosion, eradicating her for good.

Everyone Else: AHHHHH!!!


Iggy: MOMMY!!!

Shy Ranger: We have to figure out a way to get out of this! The fall will take a long time!

Suddenly, everyone hears a voice singing in the air.

Cackletta’s Voice:
This was no triumph…
I’m making a note here, huge failure!
I’m sure my defeat brought you satisfaction.
Ten Heavenly Knights,
We do what we must, because we can
For the good of only us,
To make our enemies dead!
But there’s no sense crying over every mistake,
We’ll just keep on trying ‘til the world’s ours to take!
And the evil gets done, and it’s been lots of fun
Too bad I'm no longer Still Alive.

I’m so very angry!
I’m down in Underwhere right now.
Because you just had to go and beat me.
And blow me to pieces!
And you caused my soul to burn in fire.
As it burned it hurt because of my deep hatred toward you!
Though my colleagues’ plans will just keep going on fine,
And Project MM will be releasing on time,
I’m still mad I got burned,
I don’t think it was deserved,
I still wish that I was Still Alive…

I'm still very angry…
I can feel my rage building inside…
My boss will find someone else to beat you…
Maybe Chef Torte!
That was a joke! Haha! Fat chance!
Anyway, I hate this place,
It’s so depressing and moist.
Look at me still whining when there’s evil to do,
I’ll be doing none, my robot will just kill you.
So, I’m mad my soul got burned,
And the pain I just endured,
Just so you could end up Still Alive!

…I’m so angry that you’re Still Alive.
I’m in Underwhere and you’re Still Alive!
I feel enraged that you are Still Alive!
Though when you’re dieing I’ll feel Alive!
And when you’re dead I will then be Alive!
Be Alive…
…Be Alive…

The voice stops.

Larry: That was weird.

Iggy: I’ll say, right everyone?

Nobody answers.

Larry: Guys?

Larry notices everyone is frozen in place and everyone has stopped falling.

Voice: Time, Larry Koopa?

Larry: That voice…

Voice: Isss it really that time again?

The G-Man appears.

The G-Man: It seems as if you only jussst arrived. You’ve done a great deal in a small time span, managing to kill off a Heavenly Knight is a great accomplishment. My Employersss are quite pleased with your servicesss.

Larry: That’s good to hear, I guess.

Iggy: Hey, where’s my money?!

The G-Man: Calm down. Here it isss…

The G-Man gives Iggy a wad of bills and a small bag of gold coins.

Larry: Wait, what about our friends, and the Star Spirits?

The G-Man: Your friends, the Star Spiritsss, and Princessss Peach will arrive on the ground unharmed. Peach’s Cassstle will be restored to how it wasss, and the Star Rod will be returned to the Star Spiritsss. As for you…You’ll just have to wait until you’re needed again…

The two are teleported to the black void again.

Larry: What about our dad, is he…?

The G-Man nods.

Larry: I see…

The G-Man: Until we meet again…

Larry and Iggy fall asleep.

Epilogue: Project MM!

The Hooded Figure and Project MM are having a meeting.

Hooded Figure: All right, so you know the plan?

Project MM: Don’t worry, Bowletta may be a failure, but I’m not a fool like her! She should’ve used the Star Rod for our master when she had the chance!

Hooded Figure: Yes, but I’m sure this plan will work. You will have help for this.
Sonic For Hire: Casino ZoneProject MM: Who?

Hooded Figure: Someone… unexpected.

A figure appears.

Project MM: I was not expecting that…

Here’s what happened to anyone I find important!

Larry and Iggy: Asleep.
The G-Man: Reported to his Employers. They were delighted by his news.
Hooded Figure: ???
Hooded Figure’s Master: ???
Project MM: Got ready to execute his plan, whatever it is.
Chef Torte: Woke up in a field, saddened by the death of Apprentice.
Star Spirit: Were unfrozen and returned to Star Haven with the Star Rod.
Princess Peach: Was unfrozen and brought to the ground safely by magic, as was her castle.
Larry’s Group: All unfrozen and brought to the ground safely by magic.
Shy Ranger: Returned to the Pipe Vault, satisfied with his quest.
Q. Ghost: Went off to find somewhere spooky to live.
Culex: Went back to Underwhere to relax.
Dodo: Went to a mall and ate all the food in the food court.
Bundt and Raspberry: Went back to their home, wherever that is, and relaxed.
Pyro: Went off to find stuff to burn.
Tobi: Vanished to parts unknown.

The End!

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