The Crystal Keepers

By Pyro Guy

Kamek sits in his study, arguing with fellow crystal keepers, Bonnie and Popple. He is speaking with them through his crystal ball.

Kamek: No. I refuse to work with him any more than I have to.

Bonnie: Kamek, I'm sorry but it's not our decision.

Popple: Paradox insists, see. And the two of you match perfectly, see.

Kamek: Easy for you to say, Popple, you're the only thief on this team. Ever think that I shouldn't have to work with a wannabe mage?

Bonnie: Kamek, Drystone doesn't try to replace you. You barely even need to see him.

Kamek: Why can't someone else help me check Wendy? Swaps doesn't ever seem to go on pair missions. He should help me for once.

Popple: Swaps is for emergencies, see. You know how he makes everything into a huge mess, see.

Bonnie: They would recognize me and Popple, and Paradox can't go into that castle. Drystone is the only option.

Kamek: Fine. But he had better just bring them to me. I don't want him near my spellbooks, he could screw up the operation and kill the target if he reads those.

Bonnie: What?

Kamek: His spells are too wild! If he had more complicated ones then he would burn up everything he touched. It's bad enough as it is he has those cheap tricks of his.

Popple: I think you're just jealous, see.

Kamek: I said I would do it! Now when will he get here?

Bonnie: By nightfall at the latest.

Kamek: Good, but if he gets caught, I will not save him.

Bonnie: Fine. Stubborn old wizard…

Her image disappears from the crystal. Popple's image fades as well. Kamek sighs and takes out an old book.

Kamek: Why did that stupid skeleton have to have those exact abilities? He failed back when he worked for Bowser. Oh well, at least he'll bring me Wendy before she knows what happened to her. Now then, what's the spell to check for the crystal's mark?

Kamek begins reading, but is still angry. He has feared for his position with the keepers ever since they met Drystone. Kamek knows that his position with the Koopalings is what makes him more valuable. But now that Drystone will be infiltrating Wendy's army...

Meanwhile, Larry is spying on Roy. Which means that he's watching Iggy get beaten up for the eighth time this week. Larry slowly slides backwards through the air duct he is hiding in until he falls back into his room.

Larry: I feel bad for Iggy, but at least I'm not getting beaten up this time. Haha, if Iggy were the crystal keeper, Roy would never beat him up again. But what are the odds of that?

Elsewhere, Wendy is very angry. She asked for three new squads of Fishbones for her castle, but one squad ended up being Dry Bones instead. As usual, she reacted with a violent tantrum.


Lead Dry Bones: Calm down, Wendy. I can fix it.

Wendy: Good.

Dry Bones: If you could just come with me for a moment we can sort all this out.

Wendy: Well what are we waiting for then? Let's go.

The two of them walk down the hall and the skeletal koopa ushers her through a door. Wendy walks into an empty storage room and hears the door shut behind her. She turns around and sees that the Dry Bones is chuckling.

Wendy: What's so funny? Why did you lock me in here?

Dry Bones: Tell me, Wendy, did Larry tell you about the crystal keepers?

Wendy: Ha. You mean that crazy Medi Gal? She was just your everyday sociopath.

Dry Bones: Oh no, no, no. The crystal keepers are very much real, I should know after all.

Wendy: And how would you know, you creep?

By now Wendy has become angry, and is ready to rip that skeleton apart.

Dry Bones: Because I'm one of them. Today you have the honor of being defeated by Drystone, the second member of the keepers.

Wendy: You crazy Dry Bones! Take this!

She yanks out her wand and blasts him with a candy ring and runs for the door. Just before she can get it open the door bursts into flames.

Wendy: What the?

Drystone: You wouldn't try to walk out on me now, would you? Hehehehe.

Wendy: Use fire against me? You don't know who you're dealing with!

With that she conjures some water and douses the flames, getting herself wet as well.

Drystone: I don't think so.

He rushes at her, but she lashes out with her wand and he falls apart.

Wendy: Stupid Dry Bones.

She kicks his skull and starts to leave, when the bones clack and suddenly spin around her in a mini tornado. As she is surrounded, an electrical current runs between the bones, and Wendy, still covered in water, falls to the floor unconscious. Drystone reassembles himself in midair.

Drystone: Actually, my dear, you don't know who <i>you're</i> dealing with.

He looks down at Wendy and a small, gray light flashes from where his eyes would be. Satisfied that he is finished, he walks out of the room…

Wendy isn't found until the next morning, when Lemmy is looking for his favorite ball. He walks into the storage room and finds Wendy on the ground, turned to stone. The small Koopa is so shocked that he screams and passes out himself.

When this is happening, Larry and Ludwig are walking down the hall and hear a high-pitched shriek.

Ludwig: That sounded like Wendy!

The two of them run into the room and saw Lemmy and Wendy.

Larry: Or it could have been Lemmy.

Ludwig: I just lost some respect for him.

Larry grabs Wendy's wand and used a water spell to wake up Lemmy.

Larry: Lemmy, what happened?

Lemmy explains that he found Wendy and screamed. The three of them carry her down to Kamek's study.

Kamek: Hello, children. What happened to Wendy?

Lemmy: We don't know, we just found her.

Larry: Can you change her back, Kamek?

Kamek: Yes, but I need time and quiet. Set her down over there and leave it to me.

The three Koopas do so. When he is sure that they are gone, Kamek sighs.

Kamek: Drystone works fast, I'll give him that much.

And so Kamek gets to work to see if Wendy has the mark.

Meanwhile, Larry, Lemmy, and Ludwig are worried as they walk back up to their rooms.

Ludwig: Larry, we may have another keeper on our hands.

Larry: I think so too.

Lemmy: Wait, you mean that wasn't just a psychotic Shy Guy last week?

Ludwig: We explained this once, Lemmy. You all should have believed us. Larry, keep an eye out for anything suspicious. Lemmy, you should find out when Wendy ended up in that room. I'll warn the others to be careful.

Larry and Lemmy: Got it!

And so each of them gets on with his job. Now that there is proof, everyone believes Ludwig about the mysterious keepers. Larry is unable to find anything useful. Lemmy hears from Wendy's troops that she walked off with a Dry Bones, but still doesn't see what is going on. The three meet up at the end of the day.

Ludwig: Anyone find out anything?

Lemmy: She left with a Dry Bones last time her troops saw her.

Larry: No. Wait, wasn't that the room where....

Ludwig: What is it, Larry?

Larry: That's it! Come on, guys.

Lemmy: Larry, where are you going?

Ludwig: He's on to something, now come on!

The three of them race back to the room where they found Wendy, and Larry runs to a corner.

Larry: YES! My old spy camera! I left this here years ago.

Ludwig: And it still works?

Larry: Solar power; that window over there has kept it going. Now we can see what happened.

Lemmy: Larry, you're a genius!

They go to Ludwig's lab and turn it on. They are shocked by what they see.

Lemmy: So we're dealing with a magical Dry Bones?

Ludwig: It would appear so.

Bowser Jr. walks in.

Jr: Hey Ludwig, any clues on what happened to Wendy yet?

Ludwig: This video.

Jr. looks at the screen and starts laughing.

Larry: What's so funny?

Jr: Hahaha. She got beaten up by Drystone.

Lemmy: You know him?

Jr: Yeah. He used to work for me. Didn’t you play Mario Party DS?

Lemmy: Yeah.

Jr: He was that Dry Bones that turned DK to stone. We fired him after that failure. I guess he got tougher. Hahaha.

Ludwig: We should tell Kamek.

Lemmy: I'll go.

Lemmy rolls out of the room and bounces down the steps to Kamek's study. He walks in and sees Kamek stirring a gray liquid.

Lemmy: Kamek! We found out that the Dry Bones from Mario Party DS petrified Wendy.

Kamek: Good work. I'm almost finished with the potion that will fix your sister. You should find him before he strikes again.

Lemmy: Ok, bye Kamek.

He leaves and Kamek activates his crystal ball. Swaps appears on it.

Swaps: *obnoxious voice* Hey Kamek. Any luck with Wendy? I really hope it's her so that we can stop messing around and man am I bored and is it her is it her is it her-

Kamek: It isn't her.

Swaps: *really fast* Ah man. Now Drystone has to get someone else and see you two are making a great team since nobody knows you're one of us and I hope it's the next one.

Kamek: Swaps, have you had any sugar today?

Swaps: *even faster* Yes yes yes yes yes. I love sugar it tastes so good especially when it’s from chocolate with nuts I really love chocolate don't you Kamek?

Swaps turns into a giant chocolate bar.

Swaps: Ones just like this see dang it now I want to eat myself must resist must resist losing willpower!

He bites himself.

Swaps: Oh no transform!

He returns to normal.

Kamek: Swaps, you're insane. And I told you not to eat sugar.

Swaps: But it's so good kind of like…

Kamek puts the crystal ball in the closet while Swaps drones on.

Kamek: I like Swaps, but whenever I talk to him I feel like I need a nap.

Kamek takes a break and crawls into his bed (in the study).

Meanwhile, Lemmy, Ludwig, and Larry are looking for Drystone, when they hear Roy talking to someone from around the corner.

Roy: You think you can take me?

Dry Voice: Wendy thought the same thing.

Roy: Well I'm not so weak.

Larry: (whispering) Drystone!

Drystone: Well just try me.

He is about to petrify Roy when Lemmy suddenly throws his ball at Drystone and knocks his head off, as the others come out. Lemmy gets back on his ball.

Drystone: So you three are going to stop me? I'll petrify you all!

Ludwig: We'll see about that.

He pulls a remote out of his shell and presses the button.

Ludwig: RPG Enforcer! Activate!

Drystone: What?


Ludwig: HP 25
Lemmy HP 20
Roy HP 20
Larry HP 20
Drystone HP 80

Ludwig uses wand. 5 damage
Lemmy uses ball throw. 5 damage
Roy uses Roy Special. 10 damage
Larry uses Bob-omb. 5 damage
Drystone uses Petrify on Roy.

Ludwig HP 25
Lemmy HP 20
Roy HP 20 (stone)
Larry HP 20
Drystone HP 55

Ludwig uses wand. 5 damage
Lemmy uses freeze ray. Miss
Larry uses Bob-omb rain. 20 damage
Drystone use lightning on Larry. 20 damage, KO

Ludwig HP 25
Lemmy HP 20
Roy HP 20 (stone)
Drystone HP 30

Ludwig uses wand. 5 damage
Lemmy uses wand. 5 damage
Drystone uses firestorm. 20 damage to both, Lemmy KO

Ludwig HP 5
Roy HP 20 (stone)
Drystone HP 20

Ludwig uses fireball. 15 damage
Drystone uses lightning. 20 damage, Ludwig KO – Roy is petrified!

Drystone wins!

Ludwig: That was a bad plan.

He passes out with his siblings

Drystone: Huhuhuh. Finally, I hate RPG battles. Urk.

He falls over. Standing behind him is Wendy, holding her wand like a club. She quickly splashes her brothers with water to wake them up.

Ludwig: Wendy! You beat Drystone!

Wendy: Stupid Dry Bones.

The bones rattle as Drystone reassembles.

Drystone: Forget this!!! Someone else can deal with you brats!!!

With that he calls down a bolt of lightning and disappears as it hits him.

Larry: Whoa. These guys are just gonna get tougher as we face them.

Lemmy: You guys, Roy's still a statue. Let's bring him to Kamek.

And so the four Koopalings carry him down. Kamek is shocked, both that Drystone was beaten, and that he had frozen Roy.

Kamek: Leave him here. Go on your way. I can fix Roy by morning.

The four Koopas left and Kamek chuckles.

Kamek: Perhaps Drystone isn't so bad after all, I can test two of them thanks to him. I somehow doubt it's Roy though. Oh well, 3 down and 5 to go.

He goes to work, knowing that Drystone's mission has been a success.

Meanwhile, Drystone returns to base and runs into Popple. He quickly explains what happened.

Popple: You did good, see. I'll see what I can do next, see.

Read on!

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