Super Larry Dumbshine: Wrath of the Machine

By Larry

Prologue: Vacation Time!

Larry and Iggy wake up, and are still in the black void.

Larry: I guess it’s time for the next assignment.

Iggy: Yep…

The G-Man appears.

The G-Man: It’sss time for-

Larry: Stop right there.

The G-Man: Hmm?

Larry: Iggy and I have been running around doing your errands and risking our necks, and you haven’t told us what’s been going on!

Iggy: Yeah, we want some answers! Who are these “Employers” of yours? Whom exactly are we fighting? We want to know what’s going on, or we quit!

The G-Man: … I sssee. Wwwell… I can’t tell you anything until my Employersss allow it. I could try to bargain with them… In the meantime, you two go on a little vvvacation. Hopefully by the time it isss over, my Employersss will have been convinced to let me shed a little light on your situation. The assssignment I wasss going to give you can wait.

Larry: That sounds fair.

Iggy: I agree. It’s a deal.

The G-Man: Excellent. Go wherever you choose, and I will contact you when my Employersss and I have come to an agreement.

Larry and Iggy are transported to an airport with several flights going to popular vacation spots. No one except for a metallic figure notices them appearing.

Larry: Where do you think we should go?

Iggy: How about Isle Delfino?

Larry: That sounds good.

As the two go to buy their tickets, the metallic figure vanishes. The figure appears in a room in an unknown location with the mystery figure from the end of the last story.

Mystery Figure: What’s up, MM?

Project MM: They’re heading to Delfino.

Mystery Figure: I see…

The figure changes shape and looks like Larry except he‘s blue.

Mystery Figure: Are you ready?

Project MM: Of course. Just don’t mess up, failure is not an option.

Mystery Figure: Right.

The two vanish. Meanwhile, Larry and Iggy are on a plane to Isle Delfino.

Larry: It sure was nice of The G-Man to let us go on vacation, huh?

Iggy: Yeah, but do you ever get the feeling something bad will happen?

Larry: Nobody likes a Negative Nancy.

Iggy: …

A video is being shown of Isle Delfino, when Larry sees something…

Larry: What the…?

Iggy: Hmm?

Larry: I thought I saw a shadow of… me in that video.

Iggy: Yeesh Larry, get over yourself, not everyone wants you in their videos.

Larry: I’m serious!

Iggy: It must’ve been your imagination.

Larry: … I guess…

As the two near the Airstrip, the pilot of the plane gives a startled yelp.

Larry: What was that about?

The pilot lands the plane and turns so it stops near the beginning of the Airstrip.

Iggy: What’s going on?

The two Koopas and the pilot Toad get off the plane and see a bunch of yellow and pink goop in the middle of the Airstrip.

Larry: What IS that stuff?!

Iggy: I dunno, but I bet it wouldn’t be safe to touch it…

Iggy turns to Larry, but sees that he’s gone.

Iggy: What the?

He looks back to the goop to see Larry sliding around in it.


Before Larry can say anything, he sinks into the goop so only his mohawk is showing. Iggy grabs it and yank on it, pulling out… a Pikmin with what looks like Larry’s mohawk instead of a stem.

Pikmin: Hi!

Iggy: What the?

Iggy throws the Pikmin away and sees another mohawk in the Goop. Iggy yanks on that, and pulls Larry out.

Iggy: Larry, are you okay?

Larry: Yeah… *cough* I swallowed some of that goop. It… tastes like candy…

Iggy: Odd.

Larry: So, how do we get rid of it?

Iggy: Why should we do that?

Larry: It swallowed me up, it must die!

Iggy: …

Larry: I’ll go see if I can use those water tanks with a hose or something.

Larry leaps over the goop and lands in front of an odd, yellow machine with a nozzle.

Larry: What’s this?

The machine whirs and comes to life.

Machine: Power-up complete. Preparing to register user information.

The Machine scans Larry, who stares in bewilderment at the device.

Machine: User identified as Larry Koopa. I am The Heavy Duty Portable Twice Hydrogen Once Oxygen Expelling Device, good to meet you.

Larry: Uh… I’ll just call you FLUDD…

FLUDD: That is not my name, but if it pleases you, so be it. Put me on and I’ll tell you how I work.

After going through a mildly annoying tutorial cutscene, Larry approaches the goop.

Larry: Let’s do this!

Larry squirts water at the goop until there’s just the Goop Generator left.

Larry: Let’s finish this!

Larry sprays the Goop Generator, and a Polluted Piranha Plant appears!

Polluted Piranha Plant: Roooar!!!

Larry: What is THAT?!

Polluted Piranha Plant: Roooaaar!

The Polluted Piranha Plant… does nothing except dance around and occasionally open its mouth for some reason.

Larry: Uh… This is pretty lame.

Larry squirts the Polluted Piranha Plant, but it doesn’t seem to do anything.

Larry: Why isn’t this working?

Iggy: *appears behind Larry* Larry, use The Force…

Larry: What?

Iggy: I dunno.

Doc Louis appears.

Doc Louis: Don’t give up, make him close his big mouth!

Larry: Thanks, Doc!

Larry squirts Polluted Piranha Plant in the mouth when it opens, and it dies. Any remaining goop vanishes and a yellow object appears.

Larry: That was easy.

Iggy: Say, what is that thing on your back?


Iggy: Oh, all right.

Larry collects the yellow object.

Larry: What’s this thing?

FLUDD: That is a-

???: Stop right there!

Everyone turns to see two Pianta cops are approaching them.

Larry: Good, some cops, maybe they’ll take us to the island so we can enjoy our va-

The cops start hauling them away.

Larry: Wait, what’s going on?!

Iggy: We didn’t do anything!

Doc Louis: I love chocolate bars!

Everyone Else: …

The four eventually find themselves in a courtroom, which has pitch-black walls for some reason.

Judge Pianta: *bangs her gavel* Court is now in session!

Larry: Why are we here?!

Lawyer Pianta: You know exactly why! In the past few hours, our island has been covered in various types of pollution. This scared all of our guardians, the Shine Sprites, from the Shine Gate. Now Delfino Plaza is covered in a shroud of darkness, despite it being the middle of the day.

A projection screen lowers from the ceiling and a picture appears on it. It’s a photograph of Larry Koopa holding a paintbrush. This Larry, however, has red eyes and appears to be made of some sort of water-like substance.

Lawyer Pianta: This is a photo of the perpetrator.

Phoenix Wright, Larry’s lawyer, stands up.

Phoenix Wright: Objection! That cannot be a picture of Larry Koopa, that Koopa is blue with red eyes, two features Larry Koopa does NOT have.

Judge Pianta: Overruled. I judge the defendant guilty as charged!

Iggy: You’re not even going to hear our side of the story? Like the fact that we just got-

Judge Pianta: Silence! I hereby order the defendant and his brother to clean the entire island. Doc Louis is allowed to go.

Doc Louis: Yay!

Iggy: Wait, why do I-

The Judge Pianta bangs her gavel.

Judge Pianta: Court adjourned.

Larry and Iggy are put in their cell.

Larry: Man, this stinks!

Iggy: Yeah, that was a pretty unfair trial.

Larry: Yeah… Hey FLUDD. What is the yellow thing I found on the Airstrip?

FLUDD: That is a Shine Sprite. They are guardians to the Piantas and the island. I’m assuming the Shine Sprites left due to all the pollution. We must find more Shine Sprites, and capture whoever is responsible for the pollution.

Larry: This kind of reminds me of Power Stars from-

FLUDD: No they don’t.

Larry and Iggy: …

The two Royal Koopas shrug and go to sleep. In the morning, they are escorted out of the jail and into Delfino Plaza by the two Pianta cops.

Pianta Cop #1: All right, your first job is to clean that brown goop in the center of the Plaza.

Pianta Cop #2: We’ll be watching you, except we won’t leave this spot for the rest of the story. You’d still better not slack off.

Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD: …

The three head to the center of the Plaza and see a lot of brown goop, with a Goop Generator in the center. A couple of Piantas are off to the side, looking at the goop in bewilderment.

Larry: I wonder… If I attack the Generator and kill the monster in there, do you think the rest of the goop will vanish?

Iggy: Probably.

Larry sprays some water at the mass and another Polluted Piranha Plant appears! With it, some Swoopin’ Stus appear!

Iggy: Wait, these goop creatures are called SWOOPIN’ Stus? They don’t even fly!

Larry: *shrugs* It doesn’t really matter though…

Iggy: I guess…

Larry: You take care of the Stus while I kill the Polluted Piranha Plant.

Iggy: Right!

Larry uses the same strategy as before and waits for the Polluted Piranha Plant to open its mouth before he sprays. This one, however, doesn’t die after one hit. While Larry is busy with that, Iggy pops any Swoopin’ Stus that come too close to Larry. After three hits, the Polluted Piranha Plant dies and all the remaining goop and Swoopin’ Stus vanish.

Larry: That was easy…

Iggy: Yeah, so what do-

Before Iggy can finish his thought, the ground starts shaking. A large statue of a Pianta rises from where the Goop Generator was.

Iggy: Hey, what is that on the top of the statue?

Larry looks and sees a red-eyed, water-like version of himself, specifically what was in the photograph at the trial.

Larry: Hey, it’s that guy who framed me!

The imposter, Shadow Larry, jumps off the statue’s head and charges at the duo. Shadow Larry tries whacking Larry with his paintbrush, but Larry ducks under the attack and punches Shadow Larry in the gut. Iggy helps out by kicking Shadow Larry away. Shadow Larry then starts running away.

Larry: Hey! Come back here!

Shadow Larry heads straight for the Pianta Statue as the Koopalings give chase. Shadow Larry draws a capital L on the statue, breaks up into small orbs, and vanishes into the L. Larry and Iggy stop in front of the statue.

Larry: That was weird…

Iggy: On the bright side, the culprit made himself known and there were witnesses. *gestures to the Piantas murmuring and looking at them* Let’s go to the cops!

The two do so and explain what happened.

Pianta Cop #1: That’s quite the story!

Larry: So, do we still have to clean the island?

Pianta Cop #2: Yes.

Larry and Iggy: What?!

Pianta Cop #1: Once someone is proven guilty, that can never change, even if there is proof they are innocent.

Larry: That’s stupid.

Pianta Cop #2: That’s the law! Now go clean the island!

The two Koopas make their way to the statue.

Larry: I hate this island.

Iggy: Me too.

Larry: How are we going to follow the fake me?

FLUDD: I have a theory.

Larry: What is it?

FLUDD: Try spraying the L with water and see what happens.

Larry: I guess it doesn’t hurt to try…

Larry sprays the L and it starts glowing and shows a hilly area.

Larry: What the…?

Suddenly, the three are broken up into small orbs and enter the portal.

Chapter 1: Bianco Hills

The three arrive at the hilly area shown in the L, Bianco Hills.

Larry: That’s a bland chapter name.

Shut up. Anyway, a fourth person appears next to them… Gaston! … For some reason.

Larry: Why are you here?

Gaston: Nobody teleports like Gaston!

Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD: …

The three walk away from Gaston, and a green Pianta walks up to them.

Green Pianta: *looking at Larry* Hey, didn’t you just pass by here?

Larry: No…

Green Pianta: Yeah… I think you did. You were made of water and had glowing red eyes. You look exactly like that!

Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD: …

The three walk away from the Pianta and spot a lot of brown goop in the distance. Near the goop is Shadow Larry, laughing triumphantly.

Larry: There he is!

Iggy: Get him!

They run at Shadow Larry, who isn’t looking in their general direction.

Gaston: *follows the trio* Nobody gets people like Gaston!

Larry: Leave us alone!

Shadow Larry hears that and looks over at the four.

Shadow Larry: Ack! They’re here!

Shadow Larry vanishes as the group approaches.

Larry: Darn! He got away!

FLUDD: My analysis shows there is a ninety percent chance we will run into him again.

Larry: That’s good, I wanna beat the snot out of him!

FLUDD: Before we do that, I suggest we get rid of this goop.

Larry: Right.

Larry sprays at the Goop Generator until a Polluted Piranha Plant appears. Larry quickly disposes of it and all the remaining goop vanishes, and a bridge appears leading to a windmill. Also, a Shine Sprite appears and Larry collects it.

Larry: That was easy!

Iggy: What’s that?

Larry: Hmm?

Iggy points to the sky at a small, brown object.

Larry: What is that?

The object starts getting bigger.

FLUDD: Larry, there is a one hundred percent chance of you experiencing pain if you do not move within a few seconds.

Larry: Why?

The brown turns out to be a Piranhabon falling from the sky, and it lands on Larry.

Larry: Ow.

Iggy: Ahahahaha!

Larry: Shut up! FLUDD, what WAS that?

FLUDD: If I am not mistaken, that was a Piranhabon, shot from the top of the windmill.

Larry: Well then, let’s go see what shot that Piranhabon!

Iggy: Yeah! Let’s get it!

The two start walking toward the windmill and another Piranhabon comes at them.

Iggy: Look out!

Larry uses his nose hairs to grab the projectile and then throws it in the water.

Iggy: Won’t that kill the fish?

Larry: Who cares?

Iggy: Good point.

Gaston: *appears behind the trio* Nobody kills fish like Gaston!

Larry: Stop following us!

Larry and Iggy run from Gaston, who dives into the water to kill the fish. As the two Koopas go up the hill, they notice more and more brown goop appearing on the ground.

Larry: What could be causing this pollution?

Iggy: Probably the same thing that fired those Piranhabons at us.

The trio reach the top of the hill with the windmill. Larry and Iggy hop on the blades and ride to the top, then jump on the roof and come face to face with the monster responsible for the Piranhabons… Petey Piranha!

Larry and Iggy: AAAHHH! A MONSTER!!!

Petey Piranha: ROOOOOAAAAR!!!

Petey roars so loud, Larry and Iggy need to cover their ears. After the roar is finished, the roof starts cracking.

Petey: Oops.

Larry: Son of a-

The roof breaks and everyone falls in.

All: Aaahhhh!!!

Everyone lands on the floor painfully, except FLUDD because Larry landed on his stomach.

Petey: Ow…

Larry: You idiot!

Iggy: Why did you do that?!

Petey: I was trying to be scary…

Larry launches his nose hairs at Petey and hits him in the face, sending him into a wall.

Petey: Guba!

Iggy runs at Petey while he is stunned and repeatedly punches him in the stomach. Petey whacks Iggy away and then opens his mouth.

Petey: Ahhh…

Petey opens his mouth wider and wider while Larry and Iggy watch.

FLUDD: Larry, I suggest spraying water into this monster’s mouth.

Larry: Why?

FLUDD: If you don’t-

Petey pukes up a few gallons of brown goop on Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD.

FLUDD: …that will happen…

Larry sprays himself and Iggy off, then shakes FLUDD around to get the goop off of him.

Petey: Hehehe… There’s more where that came from!

Petey opens his mouth again, but Larry and Iggy both punch him in the gut.

Petey: Gah!

Iggy jumps above Petey and drops down and kicks the monster on the top of the head. Larry then shoots fireballs at Petey, setting him on fire.

Petey: AAAGGHHH!!!

Petey quickly puts the fire out.

Petey: You… punk… That was too much!

Petey swings his head at the duo and hits them, sending them into a wall.

Both: Guba!

Petey opens his mouth again.

Petey: Ahhh…

Larry recovers from being slammed into a wall and runs at Petey and throws a Bob-omb into Petey’s mouth. Petey accidentally swallows it, and it explodes in his stomach.

Petey: Gah! *coughs up some smoke* Where did you get that?

Larry: I found it.

Petey: Grrr… You little snots! I’ll kick your butt!

Suddenly, one of the windmill’s walls breaks down and the person who caused it enters.

Gaston: Nobody kicks butt like Gaston!

Gaston leaps at Petey and starts beating the snot out of him.

Larry: Should we help?

Iggy: I think Gaston has it covered.

Larry: I meant help Petey.

Before Iggy can reply, Gaston uppercuts Petey, sending him straight up and then straight down on his face.

Petey: Guhh…

Petey turns into brown goop, which melts into a puddle.

Iggy: Uh… Thanks, Gaston!

Gaston: No problem!

Gaston leaves and a Shine Sprite appears, which Larry collects.


Iggy: Don’t do that.

Larry: …

They exit the windmill to see Bianco Hills covered in brown goop.

Larry: What the heck?!

Iggy: This goop wasn’t here before!

FLUDD: That is quite strange.

The trio don’t notice someone is watching them. This someone is peeking over one of Bianco Hills’s walls. This someone is Chef Torte, who is STILL following the two Koopas. He is shrouded in shadow, even though it’s in the middle of the day, and his eyes are glowing red. He glares at the two Koopas and ducks down behind the wall.

Iggy: How did all this goop get here?!

Larry: It doesn’t matter, we’ll have to just clean it up again! … Well I guess more me, because I have FLUDD. We’ll do it… in song!

FLUDD: Larry, that does not seem like a good idea…

Larry: I don’t care!

Music starts playing as Larry and Iggy (but mostly Larry) start cleaning the goop.

Larry: I really can’t stand this place!
It stinks being in goop up to my face!
It’s all because of that stupid law!
I’ll rip up that judge’s face with my claw!

Iggy is now cleaning the water.

Iggy: I do not want to clean this lake!
We shouldn’t have to clean, it’s a mistake!
I want to be off this Island!
And chill back home in Giant Land!

FLUDD: Did you just try to rhyme “island” and “land”?

Iggy: Close enough!

Larry: I don’t think this is gonna work out…

The music ends.

Iggy: Aww!

Larry: That was totally pointless.

Before anyone can agree, a Piranhabon lands nearby.

Larry and Iggy: What the?!

FLUDD: Oh dear, more Piranhabons…

Larry: I thought we already killed Petey!

Iggy: How exactly do you now his name? You said it before as well.

Larry: I read the script.

Iggy: Then… shouldn’t you know if Petey is really dead, and who fired that Piranhabon?

Larry: The script stopped here.

Iggy: … Let’s just go investigate.

The two Koopas walk in the direction where the Piranhabon came from, noticing a lot of goop on the ground that wasn’t there before. Another Piranhabon flies overhead, coming from the top of a house. The trio look up to see Petey Piranha up there!

Larry and Iggy: HUH?!

Petey: ROOOOAR!!!

Larry: HEY!

Petey: Huh?

Larry: How are you alive?!

Petey: Some guy who looks like you brought me back to life almost as soon as you killed me.

As if on cue, Shadow Larry appears!

Shadow Larry: Ehehehehe!

Larry: Oh great, this guy again!

Shadow Larry: Ehehehe! Time to die, Koopas!

Shadow Larry paints a black circle of goop on Petey and then teleports to the remains of the windmill and paints a black square of goop on it. The two shapes start glowing. Petey is suddenly pulled toward the windmill remains and when he hits them, Petey and the remains start glowing.

Iggy: What’s going on?!

Shadow Larry: Ehehehe!

Shadow Larry vanishes. Petey and the remains glow so bright, they can’t be seen anymore. When the light dims down, a new entity appears where the remains and Petey were. This entity is roughly forty feet tall and is shaped like Petey, but is made of stone. The head’s petals are replaced with windmill blades. The teeth are replaced with jagged pieces of roof, and the arm-petals are replaced by magical-bendable-wood.


Larry and Iggy: …*censored*

FLUDD: Data shows the one known as Petey Piranha has fused with the windmill rubble.

Larry: We know!


PeteMill charges at the trio. Larry launches his nose hairs at PeteMill, hitting him square in the face. It unfortunately has no effect and PeteMill kicks Larry into the pond. He then turns toward Iggy.

Iggy: Crud!

PeteMill gives chase and Iggy runs like a coward. PeteMill fires goop at Iggy, but misses. Iggy jumps up in the air and onto the roof of one of the houses.

Iggy: Super Fist of the Palm Tree Hair: Totem Pole Bash!

A large Totem Pole comes from Iggy’s mouth and smashes PeteMill square in the face. PeteMill is pushed back a bit, but suffers no major damage.

The windmill blades start turning around PeteMill’s head, summoning a gust of wind that blows Iggy off the roof. Iggy lands on his back and quickly gets up and continues running as PeteMill gives chase again.

PeteMill: ROOOARRR!!!

Iggy makes his way to the pond when someone jumps out! That person is… GASTON!

Gaston: Nobody kills stone monsters like Gaston!

Gaston punches PeteMill in the chest, knocking the monster over.

Gaston: Haha!

PeteMill gets up and squashes Gaston.

Iggy: Crud.


Iggy: Larry, wherever you are, HEEEEEAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!!!

Suddenly Larry and FLUDD burst form the water and Larry dropkicks PeteMill in the face, making the beast stumble a bit. Larry lands gracefully next to Iggy.

Larry: Hello!

Iggy: Where were you?

Larry: Taking a nap.

Iggy: Underwater?

Larry: Yes.

Iggy: …

PeteMill recovers and charges at the three with a ground-shaking roar.

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Pumpkin Launch!

Larry takes out a bazooka and aims it at PeteMill and fires. Instead of a pumpkin coming out of the bazooka, the words “What Pumpkin?” come out and hit PeteMill in the face, surprisingly doing a lot of damage.


PeteMill fires Goop at Larry, who jumps in the air and hits PeteMill with his Nose Hairs.

PeteMill: RRRROOO-

Larry: SHUT UP!

Larry hits PeteMill with twenty Nose Hairs, causing the monstrosity to fall on its back. Larry jumps in the air and his fists turn to steel.

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Double Steel Punch!

Larry punches PeteMill’s stomach with both of his fists, causing PeteMill’s body to crumble to pieces, killing the monster. Larry’s fists return to normal as a Shine Sprite appears, which Larry collects.

Larry: Yay!

Iggy: That was… impressive.

FLUDD: Indeed.

The three are warped back to Delfino Plaza.

End of chapter! Why was the chapter name so dull? How did Chef Torte follow Larry and Iggy? Who is Shadow Larry? Why was a musical number attempted? Where did Gaston come from? What Pumpkin? One or more of these questions may or may not be answered in Chapter 2: Kraken Heads at Ricco Harbor!

Chapter 2: Kraken Heads at Ricco Harbor!

The three arrive back at the Plaza. They all gain 1,000 Experience Points from the battle, and climb their Echeladders!

Larry: … Our WHAT?!

Larry goes from the admirable rung of Average Adventurer all the way up to Nose Hair Nuisance! He gains 400 coins and his Mohawk Level skyrockets!

Larry: That’s… good?

Iggy goes from the lowly rung of Poindexter’s Punching Bag all the way up to Gladiator with Glasses! He gains 500 coins and his Glasses Level increases quite a bit!

Iggy: Uhh…

FLUDD goes from the rung of Spoiled Daughter’s Teacup to Brian Shaw’s Drinking Glass! He gains 0 coins and his Capacity increases by Two Percent!


Larry: The author has been reading WAY too much Homestuck…

Before Iggy or FLUDD can agree, Shadow Larry appears from nowhere and smacks Larry in the face with his Magic Paintbrush and runs toward the Boat House. Shadow Larry sprays black goop at the Boat House, which sinks into it. A Goop Generator also appears. Shadow Larry vanishes. Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD approach the Boat House and a Polluted Piranha Plant appears!

Polluted Piranha Plant: Roooaaar!

Larry: Not again…

Larry kills this Polluted Piranha Plant quickly and easily, allowing the Boat House to reappear. There is a capital L on the side of it, which Larry sprays. This causes it to show a harbor. Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD break into orbs and enter the L. They are teleported to Ricco Harbor. They land next to two talking Piantas.

Pianta #1: Did you hear?

Pianta #2: About what?

Pianta #1: Apparently some creature is trying to break out from some crates up ahead!

Pianta: #2: Maybe someone should check it out.

Both Piantas cough loudly and glance at the trio.

Larry: Yeah, yeah. We’re on it.

Larry and Iggy jump on a nearby ship and go to its bow and jump up to a marketplace. There they see a bunch of grates with ink oozing out of them. There is a white tentacle coming out of a hole in a crate. They don’t notice Chef Torte in the water, still shrouded in shadow, watching them. He glares at them and then goes underwater and swims off.

Iggy: So, it’s a Blooper? Sounds easy enough!

Iggy grabs the tentacle and starts pulling. Rumbling sounds come from inside the crates. Eventually, the tentacle comes clean off and a scream comes from the crates. The crates break apart and Gooper Blooper comes out, his face covered in ink and a cork in his mouth.

Gooper Blooper: *muffled* Rooooaaaarrr!

Larry slaps Gooper Blooper in the face.

Larry: Shaddap!

Gooper Blooper growls and whacks Larry into a wall.

Larry: Ow!

Gooper Blooper wraps a tentacle around Iggy and starts squeezing.

Iggy: Ack! Lungs… getting… squished…

Iggy breathes green fire at Gooper Blooper’s tentacle, forcing him to let go and give a muffled moan of pain. Larry jumps back into the fray, punching Gooper Blooper in the face and knocking the cork out. Gooper Blooper retaliates by spitting a bunch of ink all over Larry and FLUDD.

Larry: Ewww!

Gooper Blooper: Ahahaha!

Larry grabs one of Gooper Blooper’s tentacles and starts pulling. Gooper Blooper makes a pained noise and raises another tentacle to smack Larry, but Iggy jumps at it and bites down as hard as he can, making Gooper Blooper shake that tentacle around in an attempt to get Iggy off. Iggy keeps biting into Gooper Blooper’s tentacle while Larry, at the same time, pulls off Gooper Blooper’s other tentacle.


Gooper Blooper smacks Larry and Iggy with his two remaining tentacles, sending them into a wall. Iggy gets up and attempts to charge at Gooper Blooper, but the monstrosity is flailing his arms too fast and sporadically, so Iggy can’t get close.

Iggy: I can’t get near him. Larry, spray him in the face, it might distract him enough for me to get through.

Larry: We could just breathe fire at him-

Iggy: I said SPRAY, darn it!

Larry: … Whatever.

Larry sprays Gooper Blooper in the face, washing off the ink as well as causing Gooper Blooper to frantically get the water out of his eyes instead of flailing his tentacles around, allowing Iggy to get close. Iggy grabs one of Gooper Blooper’s tentacles and starts pulling. Gooper Blooper raises his last tentacle so he can slam it down on Iggy. Larry runs up and breathes fire on it before Gooper Blooper can attack. Iggy pulls off the tentacle while Larry continues to roast the other.

Gooper Blooper: Rooooaaaarrr!

Gooper Blooper sprays ink at Larry, who dodges and then grabs the last tentacle. Larry pulls it until it comes off.

Gooper Blooper: ROOOAAAARRR!!!

With no tentacles left, Gooper Blooper just sits there, roaring in rage.

Iggy: Would you like to finish him off?

Larry nods and takes a metal baseball bat from his shell and whacks Gooper Blooper as hard as he can, sending Gooper Blooper up into the air and down into the water a dozen meters away. Gooper Blooper quickly goes to the bottom of the ocean and buries himself in the sand. A Shine Sprite then appears, which Larry collects.

Larry: That was easy!

Iggy: Yeah! But… how are we supposed to clean this ink?

Larry: Good point… Oh well!

Suddenly Shadow Larry appears!

Shadow Larry: Ehehehe!

Larry: Oh great, what do you want now?

Shadow Larry: Ehehehe!

Shadow Larry jumps over their heads and lands on the boat they used to get up to the marketplace. He paints a black square on it.

Larry: Oh no you don’t!

Larry unleashes his nose hairs, but Shadow Larry dodges them and jumps to where Gooper Blooper landed in the water and floats mere inches above the water’s surface. He raises a hand and Gooper Blooper rises from the water, and Shadow Larry paints a black circle on the beast. Despite Gooper Blooper being wet, the paint stays on. Shadow Larry cackles again and vanishes as Gooper Blooper flies at the boat and hits it, causing a bright light to shine.

FLUDD: Not again…

The light grows as a being grows until the girders above Ricco Harbor are destroyed by the size of this being. The light fades away and the monster is revealed. It looks like Gooper Blooper, except it is made out of black metal and has eight tentacles, with a boat’s smokestack in place of its mouth with eyes made of glass, allowing its inner machinery to be seen. It lets out a deep, mechanical roar that causes smoke to billow out of its new mouth.

Larry: Well… crud.


Iggy attempts to run, but Larry grabs his hair so he stops.

Larry: We’ve faced more dangerous things than that! Let’s go destroy that thing!

Larry charges at the mechanical monster, going offscreen as he does so. Generic cartoon fighting noises are heard as Larry is thrown into Iggy and the two are sent to the ground.

Larry: That… did not go as planned…

Iggy: Hmm… I think I have an idea!

Iggy picks up Larry and throws him at Blootanic, sending Larry crashing into one of its eyes and causing the monster to roar and release more smoke from its mouth.

Larry: Ow… That hurt! I wonder why he did that?

FLUDD: He most likely did it so we can attack this foe from the inside.

Larry: Works for me!

As those words leave Larry’s lips, a trapdoor on the ceiling opens and three Mini Blootanics appear. They are each the size of common Bloopers from Mario Sunshine and look exactly like Blootanic. Larry sprays the Mini Blootanics, which short circuit and blow up, slightly damaging the machinery around them. This causes Blootanic to release another cloud of smoke from its mouth. Back outside, Iggy watches the beast roar.

Iggy: All right, time to get started! Super Fist of the Palm Tree Hair: Piggy Smash!

Iggy throws a pig at Blootanic, who simply swats it away.


Iggy: PIGGY! You jerk!

Iggy jumps at Blootanic and punches it in the middle of its head, causing it to flinch backward as Iggy runs to the top of its head and starts hitting the top with a golf club.

Iggy: *hitting Blootanic with each syllable* How. Dare. You. Hurt. My. Pig!

The golf club does minor damage, but Blootanic gets annoyed by it and attempts to hit Iggy with a mechanical tentacle. Iggy jumps out of the way and back to the market area, causing Blootanic to hit itself on the top of the head. This does moderate damage and causes Blootanic to roar yet again, releasing more smoke. Blootanic attempts to hit Iggy with another of its tentacles, but Iggy rolls out of the way and breathes fire on the appendage, doing moderate damage and making Blootanic recoil the tentacle.

Blootanic: *releasing yet more smoke* ROOOAAAR!

Inside of the machine, Larry looks around at the complicated machinery.

Larry: I could just smash this stuff, but this guy is huge, and it might take a while for me to destroy something vital. Hmm… I know! A song will help!

FLUDD: How exactly will that help?

Larry ignores FLUDD as music starts.

I don’t knooow what to doooo with these complex machiiines!
See that swiiitch, watch those liiights! I don’t know what they meaaan!

Outside, Iggy is dodging Blootanic’s attacks, doing short dance moves every once in a while.

Iggy: The odds are highly stacked,
Dodging this big guy’s attacks!
This ain’t too hard, I’m getting in the swing!
This guy-

Iggy is hit by Blootanic and is sent into a wall; the music stops.

Iggy: Argh! Forget this singing!

Inside, Larry notices the music stopping.

Larry: Darn it, Iggy stopped the song again!

FLUDD: Why do you care so much?

Larry: Iggy and I swore to do a musical number.

FLUDD: I don’t remember that…

Larry: It was offscreen.


Larry presses a red button on some machinery, which shuts down. Outside, Iggy watches as a tentacle falls off of Blootanic, who gives off yet another roar and yet another cloud of smoke.

Iggy: Sweet!

Blootanic uses one of its remaining tentacles to swipe at Iggy, who jumps on the tentacle and runs up it, breathing fire on it all the way. This only does slight damage to the machine’s hull. Iggy reaches Blootanic’s body and takes out bombs from his shell and starts throwing them at Blootanic at random, causing explosions as the bombs hit Blootanic’s body and cause moderate damage.

Iggy: Super Fist of the Palm Tree Hair: DRINK YOUR PRUNE JUICE!!!

Iggy throws a bottle of Prune Juice at Blootanic’s mouth, and the bottle explodes, destroying Blootanic’s mouth completely. Blootanic tries to roar, but can’t. This also means he can’t release any smoke, which is causing problems for Larry.

Larry: *now coughing and surrounded by smoke* What in the the *cough* world is going on?!

FLUDD: It appears whatever was letting this machine let out smoke is backing up.

Larry: I guess I’d better end things quickly then!

Several Mini Blootanics appear at the end of the hallway and rush toward Larry, who sends a single nose hair through them, causing them to explode and damage Blootanic slightly. Outside, Iggy is dodging Blootanic’s tentacles.

Iggy: There are too many of these tentacles! Super Fist of the Palm Tree Hair: Pickle Plane Strike!

Five giant pickles with propellers, wings, and guns appear, being piloted by gophers. They start flying around Blootanic and firing at it, but Blootanic manages to hit the wing of a pickle, which starts going down.

Gopher #1: I’m hit! I’m going down!

Gopher #2: No! Charlie!!!

Charlie: Tell me wife I love her!

Charlie manages to redirect the plane into the area where one of Blootanic’s tentacles meets its body and blows up, severing the tentacle.

Other Four Gophers: CHARLIE!!!

Iggy: This is just silly, go away!

Other Four Gophers: Okay…

They vanish. Inside, Larry is coughing more heavily. He lashes some nose hairs at a nearby machine, which blows up, making a hole in Blootanic’s hull. This allows Larry to jump out into the water and swim back to the market, where he sees Iggy on Blootanic.


Iggy: Got it!

Iggy jumps off Super Fist of Blootanic as Larry prepares for the attack.

Larry: Super Fist of the Nose Hair: Dragon Attack!

Larry opens his mouth and a giant Komodo Dragon comes out and flies at Blootanic.

Blootanic: !

The Komodo Dragon breathes a huge pillar of fire at Blootanic, severely burning it and rendering all but one tentacle useless. The Komodo Dragon bites Blootanic’s head, destroying its robotic brain and rendering the machine powerless. The Komodo Dragon then vanishes as a Shine Sprite appears next to Larry, Iggy, and FLUDD.

Iggy: Wow… Why didn’t you do that before?

Larry just shrugs and collects the Shine Sprite, and the two warp back to Delfino Plaza.

Elsewhere, the Hooded Figure and the rest of the Heavenly Knights are in a meeting.

Hooded Figure: I want to keep this meeting short, I think it’s time four more assassins are called. Administrator, send one of your assassins. You too, Madara.

He turns to the Man with Orange Hair, Ganondorf.

Hooded Figure: One of the minions I blessed you with shall go as well. Also, King Dedede shall go.

King Dedede: All right! Time to get revenge on that twerp!

King Dedede and three others are put in pods and sent to various locations on Isle Delfino.

End of chapter! Why was the chapter name’s pun never pointed out? Why is Chef Torte simply watching our heroes from afar? Why did Larry and Iggy swear to do a musical number? Why didn’t Larry summon the Komodo Dragon right away? IS the author reading too much Homestuck? I doubt any of these questions will be answered in Chapter 3: Sandy Times on Gelato Beach!

To Be Continued...

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