Part 5: The Final Battle
A lovely, thin Peach can be seen sitting in a beautiful meadow, picking flowers. Suddenly, someone calls to her; it’s Mario!
Mario: Oh, Princess PEACH!
Peach: Mario!
Peach runs to Mario and they embrace.
Peach: I’ve waited so long to see you, Mario!
Mario: I’ve also been looking for you! And there’s something I want to say to you.
Peach: What is it?
Mario: …You’re fat.
Suddenly, Peach begins to grow fat! She continues to grow and grow and grow until…
POP!
Then, Peach suddenly wakes up!
Peach: Oh my! Thank goodness it was all just a dream…
Then Peach sees her ENORMOUS belly in front of her.
Peach: OH MY GOSH!!!
Peach gets up, towering over the Islanders.
Peach: Oh my, it wasn’t just a dream! I really have gotten fat…
Melvin: That’s right, Fat One. You are now exactly the right size to fight along my side against Terry!
Islanders: HOORAY!
Peach: Oh, yes, that’s great and all, but…
Melvin: Is there something wrong?
Peach: Well…
Old Hag: O Great Fat One! O Mighty Melvin! Dark clouds come from the east! Terry is about to arrive!
Melvin transforms into his Tiki God form.
Melvin: This is it, Fat One. Are you ready?
Peach: Uhh…
Tina and Todd show up beside her.
Tina: Here Peach, we made you these cakes for good luck!
Todd: They’re extra big, so you’ll have a little extra force to fight with! Now go get ‘im!
Peach: Wow… Thank you so much!
Peach takes the cakes and eats them in one bite.
Peach: Ok. Let’s do this.
Suddenly, the whole thing that happened when Giga Bowser appeared happens! Except for the part about Giga Bowser…
Mario Koopa: Duh.
Paperlemmy: MFF FA MA!
Mario Koopa: Oh yeah, I decided to tie Paperlemmy up for tying me up. And also I had Zutio sit on him.
Paperlemmy: AI AV AHN IFH!! (I HAVE AN ITCH!!
In the sea...
The whale sees the sky splitting.
Whale: The sky is falling! AHH!!!
The whale is so scared that he shoots water out of his blowhole. Which, of course…
Mario and the Koopalings: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mario and the Koopalings land on Melvin Island.
Ludwig: We’re finally here!
Lemmy: Let’s grab Peach and tie her… Woah…
The Koopalings stare up and see Peach. Mario does so too.
Peach: Hi Mario!
Koopalings: Let’s grab her!
BWWAAANNNNGGGGG! Tina and Todd use the pan they had used to make Peach’s cakes to hit the Koopalings.
Peach: The Koopalings are here, too?
Bowser suddenly appears from under the meteorite, slightly dazed.
Bowser: Huh? What happened…? HEY! You kids! What do you think you’re doing here?!
Wendy: Oh, hi King Dad! We’re here to catch Peach for you!
Bowser: SHUT UP! You knew full well that you were supposed to remain home!
Koopalings: But-
Bowser: NO BUTS! Gut under here so I can properly punish you!
Koopalings: Awww…
The Koopalings walk under the meteorite, then Bowser slams it on them, and himself actually…
Peach: Well, then, I’m glad you’re here, Mario! Things are crazy. These Islanders think I’m this hero that’s supposed to help the island’s god defeat another god, so I’ve been eating nothing but cake for the past few days-
Mario: OH MY GOSH! I left all my cheese back with the whale!
Mario runs into the ocean and begins to swim back to the whale.
Peach: Oh, darn…
Meanwhile, back with the whale...
Whale: I’d better get out of here before the sky falls!
Larry: Wait! I need to catch up with my brothers, sisters, and cousins!
Whale: Oh fine… But I can’t shoot you out of my blowhole, there something stuck in it…
Larry looks and sees a cheese-like substance blocking the way.
Whale: I’d better hurry, drop you off, and run for my life!
Then the whale, regrettably, swims off toward Melvin Island.
Meanwhile, back on Melvin Island, out of the crack in the sky comes Terry, landing on the island with a thundering BOOM!
Melvin: Terry…
Terry: You’d better say your prayer, nerd!
Melvin: When I last left you, I was but a nerd. But now…
Melvin strikes a fighting pose.
Melvin: I am the master!
Terry: You still look like a nerd to me. And who’s this fatty? Is she your girlfriend?
Melvin: For your information, she’s here to help me stop you!
Terry: Yeah, right.
Melvin: Enough talk! Let us begin!
Melvin rushes at Terry, but Terry quickly gets behind him and reaches into his pants.
Terry: WEDGIE!
Terry gives Melvin an Ultra Wedgy, causing Melvin to squeal in pain!
Peach: Feel my power, Terry!
Peach ground pounds on Terry’s head. But Terry’s so strong that he feels nothing. He lifts Peach off of his head and tosses her away (but not off of the island). Peach uses Peach Bomber on Terry and Terry is sent flying a short distance away. Terry lands in Mt. Melvin. He comes out covered in lava.
Terry: Grr…
Terry wipes all of the lava off of him.
Terry: I’m hot and you’re not! OOOOWWWWW!!!
Joke-Blaster: I hate these terrible jokes!
Terry tosses Joke-Blaster to the Sun.
Back with the whale...
Larry: Are we there yet?
Whale: Not yet.
Larry: Are we there yet?
Whale: No…
Larry: Are we there yet?
Whale: No!
Larry: Are we there yet?
Whale: If we weren’t there one second ago, what makes you think we’re there NOW?!
Larry: … Are we there yet?
Whale: … Yes.
Larry: Really?
Whale: NO!
Mario: Where’s my CHEESE?
Mario arrives and hops into the whale.
Whale: Cheese? Darn it, Mario, you know cheese gums up my-
Mario: Here’s my cheese!!!
The whale, annoyed, finally decides to blast Mario, Larry, and the cheese into the Sun with the Joke-Blaster.
Back on Melvin Island...
Melvin has Terry in a leg lock and Peach is tickling Terry's foot.
Terry: STOP! PLEASE! Oh hoo hoo! Ah ha ha! Whoa ho hee ha ha!
Melvin: Now suffer PAIN!
Melvin releases Terry and punches him. Terry punches Melvin. This goes on for 2 minutes until Peach starts hurling cakes at Terry. Terry gets mad and goes over to Peach to hit her. But Peach just knocks him away with her stomach. Then she grabs her frying pan and whacks him in the head with it.
Terry (with a small bump on his head now): Ok, that’s it!
Terry lifts up the meteor on the ground.
Bowser: May I help you?
Terry: YES!
Terry turns Bowser back into his Giant Giga Bowser form. He turns the Koopalings into Giga form, too.
Giga Ludwig: COOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!!!
Giga Roy: RAAHHHRRRR!!!
The Koopalings begin spitting fire at Peach. Peach hits the fireballs back with her frying pan, but the Koopalings just put their hands up to the blasts. Peach’s frying pan is now red, and she uses it to whack Bowser upside the head.
Super Giga Bowser: ROAR!
Bowser punches Peach away. Terry is locked in a fist fight with Melvin. The Koopa family go to help Terry but they trip over Peach. They land on Peach but bounce off of her stomach. They go flying away and land in Mt. Melvin. Mt. Melvin begins shaking and launches the Koopa family out. A burping sound erupts out of Mt. Melvin along with smoke. The Koopa family fall from the sky, and they all get smacked away by Peach’s frying pan. They land in the ocean. They all get up, normal now.
Bowser: Kids! Back under the meteor!
The Koopa family scramble back under the meteor. Terry gets distracted from his fight with Melvin.
Terry: Those-
Peach and Melvin deliver the finishing blow to Terry. Terry is sent flying a short distance and lands on the ground.
Melvin: You have been defeated, Terry.
Terry groans.
Melvin: Now I want you to give back all the lunch money you stole from me, and promise you’ll never bother me or these islanders again!
Terry: You think I’d agree to any of that? You have a better chance of a Bullet Bill, a Koopa, and an idiot plumber falling from the sky and plowing me into the ground!
At that exact moment, Mario, Larry, and the Joke-Blaster fall from the sky and plow Terry into the ground!
Terry: (weakly, while handing over a bunch of coins) Here you go… Goodbye.
Terry leaves and never returns again.
Islanders: HOORAY!
Mario: CHEESE!
Old Hag: The Fat One and Melvin have done it! PRAISE MELVIN AND THE FAT ONE!!!
Islanders: HAZZAH!!!
Peach: Oh, well, uh…
Mario: Hey, you, old lady.
Old Hag: Who, me?
Mario: No, the old lady next to you.
Bob: I’m not a lady!
Mario: Yeah, whatever. Have you seen Princess Peach?
Peach: Uh, I’m here, Mario…
Mario: WOAH! Peach! You’re so big!
Peach: I know…
Mario: Darn it, Peach, why couldn’t you have gotten this big when I was that big?!
Peach: I’m sorry…
Mario: Oh, it’s all right, now there’s more of you to-
Toadsworth: PRINCESS!
Toadsworth and Luigi come running up from the beach.
Mario: Hey! I was just about to say something romantic!
Luigi: Good!
Toadsworth: Thank goodness we found you, Princess! We’ve been looking everywhere!
Peach: Why didn’t you find me sooner?
Toadsworth: Well, All My Shrooms was on, and we were watching it, but then Richard Shroommins finally arrived.
Peach: He did?
Toadsworth: Yes! Now you can finally lose that weight!
Old Hag: The Fat One?! Lose her fat?! NEVER!!!
Peach: Wait a minute…
Tina: Do you really have to go?
Todd: We’ll miss you if you do…
Robert: When you do leave, would you mind taking me with you?
Luigi: It’s your call, Princess.
Mario … I wonder, why do I say “CHEESE” a lot…? It kind of makes me sound, well, stupid…
Peach: Hmmm…
Mario Koopa: Okay now, readers, now here’s the fun part!
Paperlemmy: Yeah! Now YOU get to choose the ending!
Mario Koopa: Hey, how’d you get out?
Paperlemmy: Ahh, that is a secret you shall never know.
Mario Koopa: Zutio ate the ropes, didn’t he?
Paperlemmy: And the chair… wait, D’OH!
Mario Koopa: Anyway, from here, you get to choose between one of three endings. If you want to see the expected ending, then click “Regular Ending”. If you want to see a more twisted ending, then click “Twisted Ending”.
Paperlemmy: But if you want to see the best ending of them all, click “Best Ending”! Why is it the best? Well, you’ll just have to read and find out!
Mario Koopa: Now’s the time to pick! Which ending do you want to see?
Paperlemmy: Pick one, anyone!
Peach: … Okay, I’ll go.
Islanders: WHAT?!
Peach: I’m sorry, but all this time, I’ve been trying to tell you, I don’t really want to be fat, and I was looking to go home so that I could lose weight… But, you guys really needed my help, so I couldn’t say no.
Old Hag: … I understand. You have served your part, and we thank you for that. Go in peace, O Fat One.
Peach: Please, call me Peach.
Tina: Will we see you again?
Peach: Of course! I’ll be sure to visit again, when I’m thin again.
Todd: But then we won’t be able to recognize you.
Peach: Sure you will! Just be sure to make me more cake next time.
*Typical laughter in a sitcom-like fashion*
Later on that day, at Princess Peach’s Castle…
Richard Shroommins: Come on, let’s see that sweat! You can do it!
Princess Peach is in a pink tank top and shorts that hardly fit her, as sweat runs down her incredibly round belly.
Princess Peach: I *pant* can’t *pant* do *pant* this!!!
Toadsworth: Come now, Princess. You’ll have to lose that weight somehow. Like Master Shroommins said, “You can do it!”
Peach: Okay… *gasp*
Peach stands up and does jumping jacks; her belly, as well as the ground around her, jiggles and shakes as she jumps. Mario does jumping jacks next to her.
Mario: Hey, why am I doing this?
Luigi: Come on, Mario, you knew you needed to lose weight as well!
The End
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Peach: (Hmmm, do I really want to lose all this weight? I mean, I thought I did at first, but then again… Being fat has helped me a lot the past few weeks… Not to mention I get to eat all I want without having to worry about my figure… In fact, it’s almost as if I’m happier being fat…)
Toadsworth: Is something wrong, Princess?
Peach: Yes. Toadsworth, you may call Mr. Shroommins, and tell him I won’t be needing his services.
Toadsworth and Luigi: Huh?
Peach: After living on this island, I found that being fat is okay. It’s been great eating whatever I please. Plus, I think people like me better looking fat.
Male Islanders: We certainly do!
Female islanders that are married to male islanders smack them.
Luigi: But there are people that will be making fun of how fat you are! Just look at Mario!
Mario: HEY!
Peach: I’ve been thinking about that, and I think I have an idea…
Many months later, at the Castle of Princess Peach, Peach rests in her extended bed, in order to support her now catastrophic weight. A much fatter Toadsworth enters her room.
Toadsworth: Oh Princess, it’s time for you to make your speech.
Peach: Ah yes, of course.
With great effort, Peach moves over to the balcony, which is now fully supported with steels bars and plating; she faces a crowd full of incredibly fat people, including the people of Melvin Island.
Peach: Welcome one and all! It does my heart good to see all your fat little faces. I know that when I first decreed my “Cake Law”, most of you were nervous of the results, but look at us now! We are now much happier about ourselves, and our images! Therefore, I would like to announce now that I, Princess Peach, officially declare today, “Cake Day”, a national holiday for everyone!
The crowd roars with applause, as everyone grabs cakes and begins to eat them. And from that day on, Princess Peach only grew fatter and fatter, until she was known as the fattest princess in the entire universe. She was proud of her fat, and what good it brought. And the Mushroom Kingdom, from that day on, lived fat-fully ever after.
The End
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Peach: Well, okay. I’ve made my decision.
Everyone: Yes?
But before Peach could answer, Zutio ate her.
Everyone: Gasp!
Then Zutio ate Mario!
Everyone: Double Gasp!
Then Zutio ate Luigi and Toadsworth!
Everyone: Triple Gasp!
Then Zutio proceeded to eat the inhabitants of the island, and then continued onward to eating everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom. Then Zutio ate the Mushroom Kingdom, then the Mushroom Planet, then the whole galaxy, until finally, the whole universe was eaten.
Zutio: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! Ahh, don’t you just love happy endings?
Paperlemmy and Mario Koopa: We sure do!
[The End… Or is it?
Koopalings (still under rock): Can we go now?
Bowser: NO! I’m not finished with you, yet!
NOW The End!
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